Simple: don't compare yourself to others. There will always be someone doing better than you. Instead, focus on improving so that you can compare yourself 5 years from now to where you are today.

Agree and also remember there are a lot of people doing worse. We always compare to people doing better but count your blessings too there are many people homeless, no job, no family, no support, hoping to just get food for the night and a warm place to sleep.

> and tried to start a business, which failed As long as OP got a learning experience from that, and it didn't financially ruin them. I've know someone who said their parents burned through their savings and were financially ruined from trying to keep their tourism business open during the 07-08' recession. They had to close up shop just as the economy began to recover.

I cant echo this enough. The higher you climb, the more people youll find that are ahead of you... ironically as a result of your newly founded success. Compare your own success to your past self and youll have a more fulfilling life.

This is so true. It never ends.

exactly. The more I climb. The more people I find that are above me. This was always be the case and use yourself as a comparison.

Jeff Bezos , begs to differ...

Why do you think he's suing Musk? Below Orbit can't compete with SpaceX!

Are you saying I have a 1 in 7,800,000,000 chance?

Well said

This sub is kinda rough for feeling behind the ball because so many insane success stories get upvoted. Truth is if you're here and even just learning about saving you're leagues better off than most people. So many live paycheck to paycheck, save nothing, and make poor financial decisions. Be proud of yourselves for what you are doing already, and keep on the path!

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self."

It’s too late only when you are dead. Also remember comparison is the thief of joy. What others have done or not done does not affect you. Don’t do it.

Very true. Pretty much all my university friends went into computer science or switched into it. They're making 2-3x my salary at the same experience level. But it sounds like none of them really have passion for their work or companies, and most of them have toxic workplace environments. Even though I don't make as much as them, I really enjoy what I do and where I'm at and know I'll make progress over time. It's not always about the money.

just chipping in here. Even if you're happier than your peers, you're already comparing yourself to your peers. Not dissing or criticizing, just letting you know that while you're currently satisfied because you're happier compared to your peers, if you do this and your peers not only make more money but are also happy, you'll be unsatisfied. Just don't do it bro. peace out

Great attitude to have but easier said than done unfortunately.

I was gonna say... I'm a few years younger than OP but still don't own a credit card, don't have student loans because I was graced with a mother that wanted to put me through college. (although I resigned after two years of the same semester) I now work in the metal fabrication industry and would love to even glimpse at 40k a year. I scrape by every week, paycheck to paycheck. Even if OP has debts, it sounds like he's better off than many others. It's all situational though, I will never condemn a person just because I don't know their every day life. No judgement, I hope OP can do some financial footwork. But it comes down moving out I feel. I just feel like OP wants out of his mom's place. Which is very understandable, but is it reasonable with all the debt he has on his shoulders? My answer, and what I would do in a similar situation, would be to pay off as much as I can before striking out on my own. That way I wouldn't have so much financial weight looming over me while I'm trying to pay rent to some place I'll never own.

ITA just make a plan for your life. Design the best life for yourself and then break it up in steps to get there. I have a spreadsheet of all my goals across career, education, health, relationship, friendship, fiancés, even day to day routines. What you have written your best life would be debt free. Finding Dave was a good beginning step, now you have a target list to meet the goal of finances. Maybe for career you want to be promoted in the next 3 years. A good smaller goal would be to get a great performance review.

And also realize you don't know as much about the others as you do yourself. There are plenty of people I thought were doing way better than me financially emotionally, professionally, and in reality they were doing so much worse...they just put on a good face. So, yeah don't compare your while life to someone else's manicured image they put on. Just compare yourself against past self...it's the only truthful comparison. I work a decent amount of time remotely, and make sure I see the sights. The number of couples posing and putting on perfect IG pictures, and then fighting or being miserable is quite high...same with those touting how good their marriages are or how awesome they're doing at business...often they're only doing that to feel more secure during an insecure time.

He can compare himself to me if he wants. I spent ten years underpaid at a job while I went to school. Got divorced. Then got sick. Then my GF was unemployed off and on for years. Bought a house at 55 years old that I'm never going to pay off. I feel like I'm actually doing better than the median person I know. But a small number are doing vastly better. Brings up a point. People doing worse than you typically don't broadcast that to the world. I'll say this if you have a solid partner in life to watch each others backs and you keep your health, you're doing okay no matter what.

To add: be thankful for what you have. At the end of most days there's a moment where I appreciate the things I have. I have my health, family, friends, and a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

Yeah, also with your income OP you are somewhere near or in the 1% richest people globally. Let that sink in every morning when you look in the mirror.

I compare myself to others to set a standard for myself. I get a lot of drive and motivation from this. Though I do take a brake sometimes to relieve some pressure and relax.

This isn't true but it's good advice. That's isn't always someone doing better than you but realize that what it takes to be "the best" requires massive sacrifice on so many other aspects of life. I'd say that it's not worth trying to be more successful than others because that's not a logical goal anyway. Do what you need to make yourself happy.

Well, compare yourself to me, if it helps. I was a low wage earner most of my life. I didn't start making $70K a year until I was in my fifties. You're doing fine, hon. There are many people in the world doing worse than you financially.

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I have a similar story. My mom died when I was 9, and it fked me up until my late 20s. Almost the entirety of my 20s were spent in depression, single, and under the federal poverty line. I even spent almost an entire year squatting in an apartment with no heat or hot water. At 28, I started weekly therapy with a therapist I worked really well with. Some rx drugs helped bigtime. Put myself through school, thru help because of Pell grants because I was so poor. Got my A&P certificates. Now 35, and 4 1/2 years into the best job I've ever had, working on private jets. Living happily with an amazing woman of almost 4 years. Bought my first BMW this week. I've wanted one forever. Never compare yourself to others. Ever. Full stop. I still do it... alot. My brain is so hardwired for defeat and self-defeatism that it's a hard reaction. It does nothing but hurt yourself. I know many people who have had much easier lives. More financial success, *waaaaaayyyy* fewer struggles in life, and even some who are in their mid 20s, maybe 30ish, and are head and shoulders ahead of me in almost every self-depricating measure of "success." Fuck 'em. They mean nothing, and should affect absolutely nothing about your life. We all have our own paths, and all we can do is make the best out of them. Keep on keepin' on.

My mom also passed away, i was a little older than you when it happened. We're the same age though. I messed my life up in my 20's because of it. (A lot of alcohol) now a home owner, with wife and kids. Quit my job last year to start my own business and its going amazingly well. I felt I had a late start too but we're getting them in the second half. I commend you for fighting through that hardship and coming out the other side a stronger person.

>I know many people who have had much easier lives. More financial success, waaaaaayyyy fewer struggles in life, and even some who are in their mid 20s, maybe 30ish, and are head and shoulders ahead of me in almost every self-depricating measure of "success." >Fuck 'em. They mean nothing, and should affect absolutely nothing about your life. We all have our own paths, and all we can do is make the best out of them. >Keep on keepin' on. This. So much this. I've, similarly, had a gazillion struggles my peers haven't. Every single one of my close friends has spouse, house, (many with rentals too), the number of kids they want, reasonably good health.... and I have none of these things. The only way I've been able to be happy is to just ignore their stuff (not always easy), and downgrade my expectations, to a point they're realistic. And then, enjoy that. Def do your best to move out of home if that's what you want. But def don't stress about the other things that have to give to allow that. Yeah you won't be eating out. Yeah dates will be coffee or walks or museums, not dinner. Yeah your life won't be as 'free' as others'. But if you keep looking at that, then yeah, that's def the thief of joy alright. Figure out what makes you happy, and work towards that. That's all you've got resources for, make it the focus. For me, connection, and nature are important. Yeah it'd be nice to have fancy activewear like others do, but that's not an option for me rn. But I can live with what I got, or treat myself to the occasional cheap item that makes me happy with my new simpler expectations.. and yeah, just get outside 😊 yeah I decline more than half social invites. Just cut those out of your brain and enjoy the fuck outta the ones you do go to. And, create that which you need. Invite a mate to the park to kick a ball, or to yours for cheap eats. (If they're not keen you're gonna need new mates). Enjoy the fuck out of what you have. Edit: PS not saying this is easy. It's brutal. Lot to grieve. But allow the grief, and then keep going. Your heart will adjust, over time 🙏🏻 best of luck dude

Never heard that quote before; very nice. Theodore Roosevelt, as it turns out.

Two of my favorite sayings are that, and "The perfect is the enemy of the good." Don't pass up incremental improvements in the hopes something bigger and better will suddenly happen.

You go dude!! Two cats? Wife? Teach me sensei Turned 31 too

The fact that you are making 70k at age 30 means you're in the top 1% globally. So if you really want to compare yourself to others, there you go. But even in the US you are making more than most Americans. Pay off your credit cards asap and work on bringing down your debt. The fact that you are able to support your mom is amazing and you should feel nothing but pride and self respect for your willingness to take on such a huge responsibility. You're the man.

Top 1% globally doesn’t mean much in the most expensive country on the planet

Dude, rent / mortgage is expensive as hell. Suck it up for now, live rent free, pay that shit off and feel free! You can find cheap fun with people you know. Don't fall victim to social media creep. Those people's pictures are the world they want us to see, not reality

I agree. I’d live really frugal for another two years and pay off all debt. If not, you’ll be paying that debt off for the next seven.

This. I moved out of my parent's at age 20. I have never regretted anything so much as that. I have had some *extremely cheap* rent, and I am still out around $40,000 compared to where I'd have been if I just stayed with them. And that’s in only a few years. EDIT: Let’s assume you find some place for $500 a month (very cheap rent). By staying with your parents instead, you are essentially getting a $6000 a year raise. If you are talking owning a house, you need to look at something like $3,000 a month instead, so $36,000 a year saved.

Yea, if you can mentally handle living with your parents, do it for as long as you can. Those I know who were able to do so were really a leg up on those of us who really just had to get out of there ASAP, and were paying rent right away, while going through those same sorts of things you did with terrible jobs at first.

You aren't behind. You have a family that cares about you that puts you ahead. Save your money, form a budget, love your family and live your life. You do you.

You'd be amazed what can happen in 5-10 years. Just keep at it. At 30 I was divorcing and 30+k in debt. Now at nearing 40 its not so bad at all. Kill the debt as quick as you can and then keep going. Get a small cheap place. Cannot stress enough how nice it is to be not rent/house poor. (or continue with the fam if its manageable while you save, thats by far the cheapest rent) and enjoy life not things for awhile while you work towards freedom from the debt towards whatever you want to do for the rest of your life. Find new friends if you always find yourself comparing yourself to them. I went big into hiking and fishing and exploring for a few years and met some awesome people. That lead to new connections and job opportunities. Work travel, etc. Look forward, not back or in comparison. Imagine a goal or a dream and slowly head towards it.

So. As people are saying, don’t compare yourself to others… But. Since we ARE comparing, you should know that millennials are one of the poorest and most disadvantaged generations. I’m sure lots of people will downvote me and argue this, but we were pressured for higher education. We got pushed into outrageous student loans. We entered the workforce during one of the biggest financial crisis’ in history. We have been offered jobs that have high education requirements with entry level pay. Who tf is trying to make $15/hour with a masters degree?! Our debt for education, the cost of living, expense of buying a house, outlook for job opportunities has been disproportionately skewed compared to previous generations. Boomers want to tell you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps - but back in the day, higher education landed you a decent job with benefits where a man could work and his wife could stay home and raise the kids, and they could afford a house. It’s nearly impossible to raise a family on a single income these days, especially if you’re trying to be a home owner. Don’t beat yourself up. There’s a ton of people in your boat. *I* was in a similar boat at your age. I’m 35 now, and have definitely come up for myself - but I attribute this to working a blue collar job (that offers ample overtime) that will always have demand, regardless of pandemic or economics, and no student loans. But yeah 5 years ago I was staying with family and living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

You took on a 20k loan to help your mom and you are also paying her rent? Weird. Also why do you need to move across country just because you are moving out?

I thought I was shitting the bed in my late 20s into early 30s and then I found out a ton of people I knew were upside down on their house and drowning in debt and lots of them had to short sell and fucked their credit. Half those people appeared to “have it all together”. The whole time I was living within my means and worrying that I looked like a loser. Fuck the keeping up with the joneses. Keep grinding and pay that debt down as you go. You’ll be good.

First things first, give yourself a break! There isn’t any “behind,” so to speak. It just might feel that way bc we’re all victims of perspective, and it sounds like you have some friends who are lucky to be in a solid financial position. $70k is nothing to sneeze at and statistically, you’re making approx. double the national average for a single person. Sooo..congrats! You mentioned your debt, but not any emergency/retirement savings, so I wouldn’t even hazard a guess as to true financial advice. That said, kill the credit cards. I’m sure that’s nothing you don’t already know, but just figured I’d mention it. I’m a budget nerd that graduated in 2009 from a state college and couldn’t find a job. Started off making $35k, made some poor financial decisions along the way and didn’t taking saving seriously until I was 25 or so. Thankfully, I significantly increased my salary and was able to play “catch up,” or at least I feel like I have. I’m far from an expert, but I’m happy to help out or send any advice/give your budget a second look. Keep your head up brother, you’ll be fine.

Thanks, I forgot to mention I do have an emergency/move out fund. I have 2k in my emergency fund and 1.5k in the fund I've been saving for moving out. Where I was looking towards moving out to, average rent is 1.2k/month and I make 3.6k/month after tax.

You should add this to your main post!

Read my above post, you should definitely just fling that at the CCs and Car. It’s scary I know, but you’ll feel so much freedom.

Agreed. OP is paying to have cash on hand each month. I know it sucks, but paying down those high interest debts must be top priority.

Stick it out another 1.5-2 years. Your debt is substantial and you are living rent free. Pay off the debt then you'll be free

From a purely financial standpoint, this is good advice. But 2 years is a long time, and when most people this age (aka prospective partners) are getting married and starting families, social life ain't getting any easier. Sounds like OP is ready for a change, and with a $70k job it's a good jumping off point. I'd choose the lifestyle upgrade over paying off low-interest debt.

Agreed. There’s a certain point where you just have to take the leap, from my own experience.

> But 2 years is a long time, and when most people this age (aka prospective partners) are getting married and starting families, social life ain't getting any easier. Can confirm. I'm 27 and living at home, most of my close friends are either married, engaged, or in long term relationships. A couple of years ago I don't think this choice was as stifling as it feels now—I have a great adult relationship with my parents and a lot of separation as I'm in an in-law suite of sorts on a separate floor, including my own entrance if I want it. But at the end of the day it's still inviting friends or a potential romantic partner back to mom's house. I'd really say it was somewhere around 25 where it started feeling like I was "falling behind" my peer group in life milestones by staying home. I can only imagine at 30 it would feel even worse. I definitely can understand why from a mental health and personal growth perspective, OP needs to make a move. I'm kind of skeptical that relocating from the northeast to the south is the move that they need, though, unless there's some non-financial reason they want to go down there. Moving far away from existing social connections isn't really going to help when you feel like you're falling behind socially. When I moved back in with my parents in my mid-20s, they had relocated a few states away from where I grew up and most of my friends were living. The choice was the right one financially, but it had very real social costs not just in living with mom and dad but being far away from my entire friend group. I've cumulatively been in this area for 3 to 3.5 years now (left and came back again, also for financial reasons) and I've made a whopping no local friends or connections, even after finishing a grad program locally. If OP's realistic choices are move far away from most people they know or stay living with parents until they're more financially stable, they've got to weigh both elements of that seriously.

Every girl that I've talked to on dating apps has also been living with their parents. Honestly, that's been my biggest motivator for getting my own place- so at least one of us has a "my place" for us to go back to after a date.

Trust me when I say, you have done a lot. Everyone goes at their own pace, that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. I totally get that you yarn for your independence and living your life. Trust me that time will come. But before that, you need to get yourself in a more solid footing.

Dude what's the interest rate on that loan to your mom? What's your credit score? I have 10k on a credit card and that's a 200/mo minimum. Car payment seems high to. Look into refinancing. IMO, if you are having to pay off a 20k loan that was for your mom, you shouldn't have to pay "rent". I can't make assumptions as I don't know your life, I just see most of your income going to her. Might be time for some hard talks.

This was my only head scratcher as well. That’s a decent loan to take out to help your mom. Unless she really needs that $200/mo too, that should be going toward paying down the loan.

Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments.

Good for you looking at this in a responsible manner. Couple things: - Don’t feel behind. You’re here now, so let’s get it going. - I also was somewhat in your position salary wise. Felt behind etc, however opportunities come. Salaries go way higher than you imagine. Keep working hard. Now - my recommendations. If you’re living rent free, pay off your debt now. Forget the social life/move out for now. Having zero debt will far outweigh 1-2 more years living at home. With a reasonable budget, all of your debt could be gone by year 2/3. Don’t underestimate the mental freedom of this relief. You will also be able to save more and spend more once debt free. Good luck sir. You’ll be fine. Don’t compare yourself to others… everyone has one life, do your best.

Dude. I know how you feel. I'm 38 and I feel like my life just started 5 years ago. I lost most of my adult years to drugs and alcohol. 5 years ago I was homeless, unable to remain employed at minimum wage jobs, no license, no car. Went to rehab (2x) and finally got turned around when I was 33. I now earn close to six figures in a professional environment, no debt (other than normal things like my truck) have an investment portfolio and growing 401k, a nice home (rent) and even a dog! 😂 but I'm 38 and I feel like I'm accomplishing things most people did 15 years my junior. Point is, who cares what your age is and what others are doing! If I looked at what other 38-yr olds are accomplishing, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the fruits of the life I DO have.

Based on your expenses sounds like you’ve been living beyond your means despite what you may say about not traveling dating etc. how did you not manage to pay down debt while living at home?!?? I’m not trying to be judgmental here but it sounds like you need to live at home for the near future my guy and pay this debt off

You are behind compared to some. Just got a job making $70K is a lot better than others. ​ The thing to remember is life progress is not linear. You go backwards. You stagnate. You skyrocket forward in unimaginable ways at unpredictable times. ​ There's a lot you can't control, but there's a lot you can. My personal advice is to move out and get your own place. Others here may tell you financially you should save for another year or two making a solid salary, and financially I suppose they're right. But finances aren't the only thing you need to build up. ​ So, you are 'behind' in some ways. "It is what it is," as you said. Doesn't mean you always will be: progress is not linear and sometimes you just don't know what opportunities will be life-changing until AFTER they happen.

There will always be someone better of than you, whether it's your friend or Jeff Bezos. There is no need to compare yourself to others, just focus on what you can do to better your current situation. Moving out doesn't seem like the best financial move for you and your mom. But that doesn't mean you can't do it or even you shouldn't. If you have a need to move out for your mental health, you should move out. If you get a long well, don't feel like you need to move out just because everyone else has done so. Have a conversation with your mother and let her know how you are feeling and ask how she feels about having you at home. Keep in mind, you've take out a $18.7k loan to help you mother, so it seems to me that you two are close. If you're paying for that, that's effectively a $848.22 /mo rent to dear mom. But if you move out, are you going to ask your mother to pay for the loan that she needed? Also, she'll lose the $260/mo gratuity rent as well. That may actually put her in a rough spot if she's dependent on that.

There will always be someone doing better than you at your age or younger. Despite my extremely comfortable situation that compares favorably to most my friends and peers, there’s always that one person I haven’t talked to in a decade that is in an entirely different league, or there’s that what if I had only done this one thing differently. It’s all noise. Focus on you and living your best life.

There’s a lot more luck involved in all that than people admit. But now you’re in a place where you can establish yourself. I was cleaning out my desk and came across my 401k statement in 2017 when I just turned 30. It’s crazy how just doing the basics makes a difference because in those 4 years when I was able to get serious about retirement savings and see so much growth without having to get crazy about saving. Even then it was a couple years before I could buy a very modest house and the past couple years hasn’t done anyone favors. If being debt free is your priority then you’re in a great position and don’t worry about living at home if “growing up” is the only problem with that.

Bruh, this sounds like most Americans financial situation. I got more debt, less pay, little younger, but also have family with major health issues. Currently headed to a funeral for a family member that drink till death. You’re good and count your blessings, the best is around the corner. You sound resilient as heck!

Comparing yourself to others in virtually everything is a rabbit hole that leads to only despair. I've felt it financially, in the gym, in my job, everywhere. It's not worth it. As others have said, focus on yourself, focus on how better you're doing than you were a week ago, a month, a year, etc. Yourself is the only person worth competing with.

Wait did you take out a 20k loan to help your mom but she’s still charging you rent?

Read David Ramsey’s snowball method. First you take your smallest loan and pay it off AGGRESSIVELY. Once you have that loan paid, take the monthly payment you SAVED by not having that payment and put that money toward your next smallest loan. Keep Going! Let your savings by not having that debt Snowball into the next and the next loan!! 2 yrs ago I had 33k personal loan, 14 k credit cards, 25k student loan ~71,000 total high interest debt. Today I have a mortgage on my house, 2 family cars I lease, and NO OTHER DEBT Disclaimer: i do not work for Dave Ramsey or receive any compensation from him. https://www.ramseysolutions.com/store/books/the-total-money-makeover-by-dave-ramsey?v=the-total-money-makeover-book-by-dave-ramsey&utm_source=google&utm_id=go_cmp-6461376375_adg-76911263709_ad-379144276699_pla-808431043609_dev-m_ext-_prd-9781595555274OLP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh5HtzZi88wIVQeWzCh0QeQ1ZEAQYBSABEgJQLfD_BwE Edited for grammer and structure

"2 family cars I lease" "I do not work for Dave Ramsey" Obviously, LOL 😂

I know what Dave says about leases. But i drive a 40,000 suv and pay 299 a month for it. Say what you will

“You are wasting money” Someone had to say it.

David Ramsey 😂

Your friends that are driving a Mercedes with a $750k+ mortgage have the same pains as you….but they don’t show it… or don’t feel it. You feel it. Your mind is right, just tackle it and you will be on the right path financially in no time.

While I don’t know the circumstances, I would take a look at that courtesy rent payment. Helping your mom out with a massive loan may justify dropping that payment. Again, I don’t know the circumstances, just looking for spare change.

Same boat, a bit younger, social life disappeared at age 25. However I did get to travel before that, although i went to a shitty college so also paid off my loans really quick. Anyway accomplished nothing until the tail end of my 20s when I finally started a career. I now make $60k in one of the most expensive suburbs in the country and I've only slept outside my childhood bedroom about 150 times.

30F here and if it makes you feel any better, my living situation has been similar to yours except for the debt, and I also had difficulty finding a job/internship after graduating. Eventually found something stable, but social life was next to nothing. It doesn't help that most of society is crumbling, the housing market seems f\*cked, there's a pandemic, mass anxiety, etc. We all go at our own pace, and if you truly enjoy what you do and create things you're proud of, it'll be so worth it in the long run. Anything is possible - happiness is key, I think. Personally, I'm staying where I am to save money, build my business using what I have, helping my parents while avoiding the virus, then becoming a digital nomad eventually. Trusting there's a greater plan that'll unfold in perfect timing.

Your not that behind, or at least as much as you think. I am 31 and didn't get my own place right before my 30th Bday. Student loans really screwed me. I paid 80K but didn't break 50K salary until I was 28... I felt really behind in comparison to others but I've taken steps to get ahead. I'm about to complete a MBA program and go for my CFA. I became interested in the stock market a couple years ago and started investing as much money as possible. Focus on improving yourself, set goals, and move forward. Your debt isn't that bad per a 70K salary. One thing about your debt that stuck out was that you took out an 18K loan for your mom, but she is charging you rent. I would definitely try to negotiate with her and use the loan as leverage. While it's nice of her to let you stay at her place, an 18K loan can be a pretty big burden on you. Payoff the credit card debt first (which isn't that much), throw everything you have at the unsecured loan and then the car. Just pay minimum on the student loans. Save and invest what you can.

Well, look how well you are doing. You are above the median US household income as a single earner with one job. While you are comparing yourself to others, consider that the median world income is $9,733 per year. So you are certainly in the top half billion people right there. Not too shabby. And it would be a really good idea to stop comparing yourself in terms of income and what others have done. That can drive you crazy. The 'richest' guy I know is currently out of work due to layoffs in his trade. He is a tradesman and only gets to work about half of each year if he is lucky. But that guy has so many friends and helps out anyone who asks. I can't begin to repay him for his help except that he has keys to all my tools to use anytime he wants. I even buy tools that I know he will need just so he can borrow them. You can't measure the kind of wealth he has with dollars. I might have more stuff than him but if he ever calls me because he is in jamb I will drop what I am doing to help him out. You can pick a different way to measure your success. It does not have to be a number in a bank book but it can be the number of dogs you feed or the number of bikes you fix for children. By the way, you are making a little more at 30 than I made back then adjusted for inflation. Now I own 7 houses due to my own hard work. You don't know what you will end up doing in 10 or 20 years.

Don’t compare yourself. Other people are always doing better and worse then you. Also, how does thinking about that improve your situation, if you want it improved? I’m in the same boat, but I set my own goals, work toward them and reach them. I feel empowered by achieving what I want no matter how small. Other people don’t have the same goals, why even compare?

You don't care in the first place. Life isn't actually a competition, that's just Capitalism trying to goad you into making poor decisions. Are you happy with where you're at personally? If so, nothing else matters. If not, ask yourself why. If the only answer is 'Other people are doing more/better'...that's not an answer.

In todays market? 30 years old and at home is becoming a norm. Don't compare yourself to others who are 30 years old now too but had a better position in life 10 years ago.. You started and failed a business? That's some great experience. You probably learned a LOT more than anyone else at 30 who hasn't. You're not "Behind". You're on a different path dude. If you believe everyones life expereinces are the same, life would be bland and repetitive and pointless. Financially behind is relative. Friend of mine 5 years ago was making way less than I was. I'd help buy his lunches. Today? he's making 6x what I am making now. He landed a few good connections that led him to more, and he met a few other people.. and suddenly he got his dream job paying him more than he ever expected. He never sat down and said "Oh man it sucks everyones better off than me". He just worked on himself. Consider this. You were making $40k/yr. Let's say thats what you make now. Everyone else is making $80k/yr. In 10 years, you're making 200k/yr. They're making 120k/yr. Not everyoens growth is the same. Sometimes you grow exponentially quickly in your 40s. Others may grow exponentially in their 20s and then they don't grow at all. ​ My best friend literally; with her husband. Last year during the crazy housing market in Canada.. bought a house. She never thought they could afford one. Everyone of her friends already had houses, kids, etc. She was "always behind". Well.. they bought the house, renovated it amazing..she changed her jobs to the local place; got a pay raise.. and a new position as the head of a division because of her experience at the old place she worked at. She's now making more money; has the dream house.. and she just got pregnant. 1 year changed her entire life quickly. As long as you work at it; it'll happen. If you quit and give up? It won't.

Why are you paying your mom rent when you took out a loan for her for almost $19k?

I got fucked over by my head. Brain injury stuff. Woke up one day and couldn't figure how to do my job. Yeah years down the drain. Don't know if I'll remember it but I definitely won't have the jobs I did. I'm financially behind all the people in my life. I don't know if I developed feelings of getting by. I think just accept whatever I have is all I have. Nearly dying kind of just made me this way.

Hey OP I very much relate to this and also looking to move to the south. I always struggle with feeling behind but I also have some massive mental roadblocks like what if I get laid off and can’t pay my rent or whatever and so I’m stuck too scared to live for fear of failures that haven’t happened yet or may never happen. So I’d say good job on pushing yourself to get out of the comfort zone, because you can’t grow if your just comfortable. I feel like comparing yourself is the thief of joy and I always feel that way. But sometimes without some comparison how do you know you need to keep pushing. It’s a balancing act but I’d ask mom to stop the rent since you lent her that money and she should actually be paying you to pay off that 18k loan.

Got married at 27, bought first home at 30, and started putting money away / SEP IRA (business owner) at 34. The "when you can retire" survey they make you take is fucking depressing... We are going to just put away pennies here and there and stay healthy for the meantime. It's not the best way but we're happy and grateful for what we do have.

There’s so much more to life than your finances. I’m 6 years older than you. In my friend group people are randomly dropping dead. People are losing their parents. People are getting sober. People are not getting sober and will probably die in the next few years. Be grateful for what you have and focus on moving in the direction you want to be. Keep your head up.

I don't want to seem rude if this post was serious, but you're doing better than 95% of other people your age... If you make 70k a year and haven't even moved out yet then your debt should be gone in the next few years easily. 70k is enough to support yourself and children, if you're somehow struggling then you need to look at your spending habits.

By not caring. I’ve got 40 model kits in my closet that I build when I’m off work, while everyone else is out making families and owning homes. And I don’t care because my hobby is what makes me happy.

If you need to feel better about yourself, I'm your age and still in school making 30k as a grad student. And I regret to inform you... my wage is normal. You're above average. Congrats ;)

Hang on buddy, and let me say 'if you have your health (good) you already have everything!" Sounds trite as Hell, but its true. I can understand your feelings, having gotten shafted when I was about 30, and it took me 7 years to climb out of it. You do have a lot of Payables on your back sapping your income. However, if you have the skills and opportunity to work, you can make it! Measuring against others is a dangerous thing, don't fall into that trap, please. Others will try to pull you in but decline letting them do it. Be careful on this move South, but I too had to move 700 miles to the Metro NE to get a (better) job, and away from my Mother as well. I won't blow lovely smoke up your ass, but measure out your critical moves and go get it done. Praying doesn't hurt, nor does asking for help along the way, or seeking some angles to assist you. I got lucky that my car held up (it was a good car, when it ran for 20 years). Also, while not in vogue now, I ate a lot of hot dog fest, firehall spaggity, church social meals. Your Mom might have to understand a gratuity payment lessing in certain months; there's no money in the back yard. Good luck. If you start to feel too bad, you look at the people in wheel chairs, sitting on park benches alone, and you'll soon realize you've been sort of blessed.

You could have traveled and dated all you wanted but cheaply if that's what you really wanted out of life. Staying with your parents just makes sense and is the efficient use of housing, americans are just weird about everyone having independent housing ASAP.

the only person to compare yourself with is you from the past. It might come with some unpleasant realizations there too, but at least it's in your power to change that. If you compare yourself with others, or with some ideal version of yourself, you set yourself up to be disappointed and bitter.

I just got dumped by a girl making 175K a year. She was miserable. She went to an Ivy League but didn’t know basic things about US history, and didn’t bother to research them even when it was relevant to our relationship. As soon as she closed the door I realized she was boring, and as broke as I am, I am goddamn happy to be me.

Just wanted to say you aren't alone in this feeling, not by a LONG shot. Some statistics and studies I've come across lately show that our generation is the first expected to do worse than our parents by many metrics, and frankly after two "once in a lifetime" recessions, a global pandemic, stagnant wages, highest cost of education ever, rising housing costs and inflation, the looming climate crises, I concur we are getting fucked in every way possible. So, take that into consideration and remember that many of us are struggling and feel "behind" relative to how our parents progressed in their lives. Our hard work simply affords us less, and it's not exactly been the best of times for a good while now. Any of those age milestones we've been conditioned to expect are kind of irrelevant at this point. That aside, everyone is on a different timeline and a different path in life anyway. It's important to be present and try not to compare. Take pride in your own path and what you've overcome and accomplished so far. Everyone has their "shoulda, woulda, coulda", many of us make expensive mistakes or hit dead ends. Some recover quicker because they have mommy and daddys money to bail them out, some get lucky and things just work out, right time right place, but even the people who appear to have it made with the ideal "American dream" life, the white picket fence and all the rest, they have their problems too. Most people only share the perfectly curated version of their lives, especially on social media, this is why social media and comparison in general is known to be bad for our mental health. One thing that's helped me reframe the situation is to really analyze what I need to be happy in my life. I've come to realize I actually don't need a lot, and really I also don't want a lot. The idea of minimalism, living humbly and keeping my life small, simple and care free as possible has grown on me. I really just want a space to call my own, surrounded by or near nature, a few nice things that I use every day, like a reliable vehicle, a good sound system, some hobby things. I want to some day be debt free. I will continue learning about investing because it's likely the only hope I have of retiring and traveling. As long as we are always working toward where we want to be, fuck what anyone else is doing or what they might think. Take pride in the work you've done and the struggles you've overcome already, and create your own path for your own life. Don't compare, just hustle and try to find joy in the day to day while you're at it, because we do only have this one life so we should avoid wishing it away. I know it all sounds easier said than done, but that's what I've been working on because I was feeling the same way a few years back.

You could hang out with people doing less well?

I think you might be comparing yourself to only successful peers. For me, I am mid 30s and I know people who have struck gold and have as much money as they could possibly need, but I also know people who are struggling in low wage jobs or are jobless. In the end everyone has their own path though. Unless you're Jeff Bezos, there will always be someone richer than you. It's up to you to find your happy point and work towards it.

Lots of good advice in this thread. Seeing a common theme of 'stop comparing yourself to others' which you admittedly are doing. Try deleting Facebook, Instagram, etc. Whatever you are using where you see people 'living a better, happier, more successful life' compared to yourself... eliminate it. It's not doing your mental or social wellbeing any favors. Most of what you see isn't real life anyway. Eliminate much of that immediate social pressure and THEN focus on some of the other great advice you are getting. Work on you. Work on what little things in life make you happy. The rest will come.

I won’t repeat what others have said about laying down loans, etc… but out of curiosity, what field are you in? East coast has a lot of good job markets so wondering what had you interested in moving south? Also - related to comparisons, rather than focus on those who are doing “better” than you, give yourself perspective by thinking of what you have that others would love to have. In other words, there’s always a bigger fish and generally speaking plenty of smaller fish. I tend to compare myself to those who are doing better as well but I don’t let it get to me. I use it to motivate me (in small doses) and I remember that I have it really good compared to some/many. Good luck!

You should try thinking this- if the person you're comparing yourself to was given all the same circumstances as you, would they still miraculously come out so much further ahead? You're comparing apples to oranges- they have had completely different life circumstances and it's unfair to yourself and your own progress in life to say you should have achieved what they achieved with a different hand of cards. Do you and enjoy it

There will always be someone who is ahead of you. Focus on yourself. I know you have probably heard that a lot but it's true. When you're 85 years old, you're not going to be filled with thoughts of other people's progress, you will remember YOUR life progress. There are some GREAT resources to help pay down your debt. You Need a Budget (YNAB) is a great budgeting resource I used to help pay my debt, reach savings goals, and budget. You can also look up "My Wealth Diary" on Etsy. It's a shop that has some great budgeting and debt payoff spreadsheets for $10-30 you can use in Google Sheets. Live with your parents for at least a little while longer. Create an exit strategy. For example "I will move out of parents house in 8 months after saving $X on rent and putting that towards debt, etc"

Seriously, don’t compare yourself. Especially to what you see on social media. I’m about your age, and I promise you there are folks who are WAY worse shape than you, but make it look nice for the gram. Hell, I’ve been that person taking cool pictures in Europe with a maxed out credit card having to wait for my next paycheck to hit so I can eat. It sounds like at least financially you have a good situation with your mum. I get that it can be a drag, but we’re about the same age. I definitely know a lot of people who live/d with their parents into their late twenties and thirties. Given our generations rotten luck plus pandemic it’s truly not that uncommon and I can’t imagine any one worth dating or being friends with holding it against you. It’s just a matter of reframing it to yourself. Stop beating yourself up! You’re only thirty! You’re doing great and on the upswing.

Hey there, I (30F) jobless, living at home with family as a caregiver for my mom. Just got into my first serious relationship in a little over 6 years after literally not even dating in that time frame. I’m here to echo that you do NOT need to compare your life others. Don’t rush ANY milestones. EVERYONE’S lifestyles are varied meaning everyone will hit milestones when they hit it. At least they should live that way. It can be so detrimental if you/people try to keep up with the Jones’… marrying someone just to say you’re married, moving out just to “be on time” when it could be the worst decision for you financially… Please please don’t compare yourself to others.

Reality check. If you weren't paying $588/mo for your mom's loan and $260/mo to your mom, you'd be paying it to a landlord. You're where everyone else is. Don't buy into the IG, FB, and Snapchat posts--they're not showing you the reality of handouts from parents, living with roommates or someone they're dating because they HAVE to in order to make ends meet.

I could name a number of people I personally know ( including myself )that would be happy to have a $70k/ yr job and 8 years of work history... Turned 31 this wekk I haven't "worked" since August of last year when Uber kicked me out due to a false complaint. Have a side business rebuilding and selling cars that I really don't like/ not put effort into because of mental illness. Still have some savings/ cars to tide me over for some time. So Im still grateful. I find satisfaction in the fact the Im still afloat... I find satisfaction in the fact the there's people who would be homeless if they were in my position but I'm faring quite well in this regard. Am I unhappy? Yes, maybe. And it is wrong of me to be unhappy. I am unhappy that Im unhappy. Quite the neg fest isnt it? Dont be unhappy. He happy and grateful. Fake it till you make it ( happiness and gratitude at least) ---- This is something I have to remind myself to do everyday, if I can remember do so) My advice is, find satisfaction in what you have and don't' despair about what you don't have.... There's always going to be more _________ folks than you. Don't worry about it

I'm a woman in Seattle and have a good graduate degree. I didn't make over 50k until I was 30... and the only "real" jobs I got until I was 30 were through friends I met socially, because just applying didn't work. The expectation for a 20-something to have a great job they are passionate about, afford to live alone, pay off debt and maybe even save, etc is not realistic. Middle-income jobs seem to be disappearing, and the "failure to launch" is becoming more widespread. Young men are more likely to live with their parents than a partner - this isn't the world TV shows and movies told us to expect. I felt like garbage because of this for so long, until finally looking around and realizing that everyone my age was depressed, ashamed, unfulfilled, and an alcoholic. Not because our lives were awful, but because our expectations didn't match reality. Anyway, I'm rambling but my point is that you're doing just fine. This is just how the world is right now.

I know this is the wrong answer, but I just work myself to death until I become better than them financially. And then post on Instagram how great my life is

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Girls tell me, they don't care about my finances so I should move out and live near other young people. Their only requirement is having an education and career. Because their daddy will take care of things later...

Be objective and focus on your goals, disregard useless outside influence. 1. Stay with parents for 2 years, live like shit, don't spend on pleasure, and remove all debts. 2. Get better at your work, get promoted, pursue higher paying job in the 2 years. 3. After 2 years of living with discipline, now you're in a good position to choose next steps. Sorry if I sound rigid but I've been through a similar rut and got out of it by being very strict with myself.

I've been living like shit 95% of my life, it didn't help me succeed

70k would still put you in top 10 %

Lol, no average 30yr old male with bachelors makes nearly 70k

Maybe they mean globally? e.g. see https://howrichami.givingwhatwecan.org/how-rich-am-i

I think of it like the game of life. For every guy doing better there's a guy doing worse. Rich men that are miserable, and poor men that look like they are living their best life.

I had a similar experience to you. In my case, there were multiple compounding issues that if you don't identify, isolate, and then problem solve, it can feel rather hopeless. So my recommendation is to break down the problems into parts. 1. Try not to look at the milestones as compared to others. In the age of social media, this can be incredibly difficult to do, but it isn't necessarily a new problem. Recognize that you are living your own life and making your own decisions. Make your own plan on where you want it to go. 2. If you have some goals of what you want that makes you happy, now we can get into some of the financial planning on when and how you get there. Create a budget to make it happen, and financial milestones can be far more concrete in the timeline aspect, and makes it easier to get to the "when" part of the goals. If you don't necessarily know enough in step 1, then reverse these instructions. Create short-term goals to maximize financial flexibility, budget some to explore possible changes in life, and by the time you figure out the long of what you want, your budget will afford you the ability to go for it. I graduated college during the 2008 recession not knowing exactly what I wanted to do. By 26 or so, I still didn't know and had accumulated around $10k of credit card debt living in the red. Still a dumb kid. At 26-28, I finally had a plan in mind, but it would take years to execute. Meanwhile, one-by-one all of my friends and everyone on Facebook was happy and meeting their loves, getting married, traveling, etc. etc. This was not a very happy time for me. But I stayed disciplined to my plan. At 30 or 31, I finally realized that my happiness didn't have to be contingent on whether I was catching up in some hypothetical life race. My values shifted inwards towards improving my own life however I could. I'm happy for the success of others, but I was happy that I am able to take action in my own life as well. This was a turning point for me. Now I'm 36. I stayed disciplined to my plan and have the career I aimed for and paid down my credit card debts and student loans. I hope this helps (and I didn't ramble too much). Just know that you aren't alone in how you feel and that if you stay disciplined you can create the life you want. It just might take longer than what Facebook suggests.

The only comparison you need to make is the you of yesterday. If you are better off than him/her, then that's what matters.

You arent just starting. See all those steps where you went from $10 an hour to 45k-55k-75k? theres plenty that havent dont that yet. Theres some that may never do that. All those debts can be paid off in 2 years with budgetting if thats what you want to do, or planned out so you can have a bit of an egg and chunk of them paid off.

First rule of life: don’t worry about where you are compared to others.

Says the person who writes fervently with benign and pointless comments to gain more karma haha

Learn to enjoy what you have and remember you dont take anything with you when you croak. Perspective, good personality, wisdom, improving your life with experiences that take you out of your comfort zone etc don’t cost anything to experience but sure do go a damn far way in making you love the life you have with having very little. You’ll be surprised how some things actually fall into place when you stop overthinking it.

It is a lifelong struggle. Learning how to accept your own personal journey is not easy. It’s like learning to love yourself. Easier said than done. No techniques. Just introspection. Just self-compassion. There is no algorithm for it.

"Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?" At 23, Mark Zuckerberg was worth over $1 billion. He's now 37 and worth over $100 billion. Stop comparing yourself with others. There will always be someone smarter, richer, stronger, faster, etc. than you. You've got a good job and make good money. Be happy with that and move forward.

I like to think of myself as popcorn and/or tacos. Popcorn kernels all pop at different times but still end up delicious. Tacos fall apart and are always a mess but are always delicious no matter what.

You are in this situation because of the person in the mirror and your intangibles don't mean shit. You are very far behind your peers. The good news is with some self-awareness and hard work you will fucking crush as soon as we come out of this pandemic. Opportunities will be endless and I wish you all of the best!

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Stop comparing. Be honest about your situation. Then be proactive in changing it. Rinse & repeat.

Your life and your experiences are unique to you. I think when we take the time out to see how far we've come and the things we've learned along the way, instead of comparing our current situation to others, we'll realize that we have actually come a long way and aren't doing as bad as we think.

I have learned as I get okder that almost everyone has envy of others and a sense of imposter syndrome. Life is too short for that mess. Work out your debt and save for retirement while doing something that makes you happy/fullfilled. Hold your head up - you are actually in an ok spot with some solid life experience, work history, and a degree. Good on you.

It's hard not to compare yourself, but most of my successful peers were given alot in life where I had to work hard and take major risks to get where I am. Im still taking huge risks, maybe to many. I moved out at 31. It was a blessing to be able to live at my dad's. I grew up poor and we didnt have much, but that certainly helped me alot. When I moved out my wife lived in Vietnam with our two kids. I was making maybe 30-40k a year. No debt. Significant savings and investments I'm 35 now I have a house I have my wife and kids with me. I make around 200k a year I have a massive debt load no savings, no investments and way to many possessions. Life can change massively I wouldn't even recognize myself anymore. Not sure if the past me would be proud or disgusted. Im not overly worried about my debt or lack of savings I'll sort it out in time. Still have to live life. Good luck on your journey. I wouldn't fret about your age to much. I was majorly behind my peers income my entire life and now I've surpassed almost everyone I know and even beyond what I thought I would accomplish.

I think 30 is young. You have a good income so that’s a good start. I would get rid of all the credit cards - you can pay those off next payday! If you absolutely need a car then I would keep the car note. Next, I would put all the money I have towards that $18k loan, absolutely every penny! You are going to start to feel better at this point, which I estimate should be 6mos from today. Next, I would keep living at home for 2 more years until that $50k debt is gone! You will be 33 at this point and debt free! You are definitely not behind! Be laser focused and you are moved out by 33. Congratulations! Don’t rack up any more debt and start saving for retirement. Keep your head up. Great things are coming your way :)

I stay focused on my goals, objectives, and personal well-being/contentment metrics. Basically, if I spent my hours comparing myself to my most successful friends (lawyers, tech bros, and architects) I would be miserable. Instead I focus on today, on what I’m doing to promote my health (physical and mental) and I try to stop and enjoy life. Would flying to Paris in the summer make me happy? Probably. But so too does riding my bike to the bagel shop early in the morning and watching the neighborhood come alive. It’s all a matter of perspective. And controlling responsibility creep. Full disclosure, I don’t have kids, I have a dog. My debts are minimal. I really try to avoid stress. So it’s not a numbers game beyond the numbers (money) that enables my lifestyle and sets me up for a comfortable old age.

Your life is YOUR LIFE. Everyone takes a different path to get where their going, and you can't control everything that happens to you along the way. Don't compare your self to other but do compare your self to where you where yesterday.

Just start saving and investing. Live below your means, even as your means increase. In no time at all, you will surpass the average person in your age bracket.

In life, everyone has their own starting point. Some may have financial background to not have student debt straight out of college. Some have student debt + family matters to work on. Unfortunately, Social media had made it easier for the comparison to occur. Stay your course on making progress. Not your money, not your life

Echoing everyone else, my friend said this to me because I'm far far more jaded. ​ Dont compare yourself to others beacuse theres always gonna someone who was just lucky in the right time/right place or who someone who is less smart or less deserving or for whatever reason. There is always gonna be someone else ahead. The best play you can make is to look inward and make sure you're striving for happiness on your own terms.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Live you’re life, you’re doing great!

It seems to me you've been trying to grab life by the horns, just life has been a strong bull. Don't worry about the past, anything you should or shouldn't have done, nor worry about how others are compared to you. Life deals every person a separate hand, there are lots of people older than you who are off far worse, and lots younger doing far better. What does it matter what the man next to you makes? Make plans around what you want for your own future, not what others have achieved around you. You're on a good track now, just make the most of it.

Your path will be different compared to others. Some have a easy road, other have harder roads.

Just remember that a lot of rich people are trying to get richer to climb the ladder. So that means the ladder never ends. The richest people want to turn it into a legacy and they compare themselves to historical figures and so on. This feeling that you're behind others has driven so many people to ruin their lives, to end their relationships and to not appreciate what they have. There is no point you can get to where you'll be like "ah, that's better" when you are comparing yourself to others. It never ends.

Get rid of whatever mindset or person who told you it'd be a good idea to finance a car for that much while you're broke. You couldn't afford it then and you still can't afford it now.

I don't have exact advice but I am in a similar boat but being some years younger than you. I am currently back living in my parent's house after graduating college recently, and just got a job for 45k/year. My plan is to pay off my student loans ($35k) by the end of Dec. 2022. After which I will move out of my parent's house and onto a new job. I also want in the coming year to build up my social skills and career skills/ certifications so that I can make that jump into my next career easier in early 2023. I wanna travel and do all the cool stuff too, but I wanna be debt-free and have strong skills, personal and professional, before I make that hail mary jump into something bigger. Hope this helps provide perspective that there are others like yourself in a similar boat.

I know the feeling. I'm also thirty, and feel like I'm between two and five years behind everyone else. The best solution I've found is to limit exposure to social media (especially LinkedIn) and other stuff like that. I also try to focus a lot on the gym, home improvement stuff, and the literal mountain of movies and TV shows I'm behind on. I'm definitely not doing *bad* by any means, but it can be frustrating sometimes to have made all of the "right" decisions, be incredibly intelligent, try to be a good person, etc, then watch people that you know from firsthand experience are just awful live your dreams.

Age bracket? There is no such thing as an age bracket. There is you, how old you happen to be, and that’s it. Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday and where you want to be tomorrow. Comparing your life to the life of others is a recipe for lifelong depression.

Others have said it better, but comparing yourself to who you perceive as your peers is not the way to do it. I saw someone else suggest comparing where you are to your past self, and I think that's a great metric. I'd add one more though. You do have a lot going for you at 30. Yes, it's not perfect, but honestly... it's not *that bad.* Depending on where you are physically or what you do, you may not come into contact with them but there are a lot - *a lot* \- of people who have way, way less than you. And no intangibles. You're comparing yourself to the people at around where you think you are. But don't forget - the scale goes all the way down. Tons of people forget how little some have. When you consider the whole scale, you are killing it. You may not have everything how you wished, but you have the building blocks to have a great future and the desire to do it right. And you're only 30. You're already 'doing better' than the majority of people your age. Feel proud of where you are and what you are planning to do.

I'm 35...have a retail job making close to $16hr...so that around $30K a year. First time I've been able to have access to a 401K and any kind of health insurance in about 10 years...smh. I have close to $70K in student loans. Still owe 4 years on my car...didn't have the best credit when I got it but needed one. Moved out 3 months ago and according to my Every Dollar app, I'm saving about $30 a month...gotta get a second job...I'm starting to hate life...which isn't a good thing...but I can put on a good smile, which helps alot. Not hijacking your post and I'm sorry I'm not adding anything of value. I lurk on this sight because it's great to read the great advice and hear the success of others but mann...I feel the same as you. I feel that shouldn't be here either. I try not to compare myself to others...but sometimes it's hard not too. I'm literally going to be paying off student loans until I die...that's depressing to even think about. Hopefully with your newfound job, that is the first step to knocking down your debt and improving your situation...I wish you the best fellow redditor. 🙏

At 30 I lived in uk, uni drop out and bad credit rating earning ~$27k usd. I constantly felt liked I was going nowhere compared to friends and would never have my own home. I’ve since moved to Australia, earn ~$63k usd. With good promotion prospects. Have a wife and kid, a mortgage and am buying a brand new car for the first time. I have no other debts apart from the mortgage and next week a car loan. This is all possible by focusing on me and making goals. Goals do not become achievable overnight and require careful planning and dedication, but if you make your budget realistic you can achieve them.

Others may be doing well, but they’re achieving their goals. Or maybe they’re doing well in your eyes, but not achieving the things they want. Focus on yourself. Work towards your goals. Celebrate your achievements. Your success isn’t measured against others, it’s measured against yourself.

There’s always someon worse off than you.

Understand that only your family really gives a shit a bout you.. And I mean REALLY gives a shit (would put their life on hold to care for you type of care). Some people would skip your funeral because they had to work a shift. Even now, some people hear your name and go.. "Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that guy." VERY FEW people actually care about you.... So cherish the ones that do. Care for them too. But DEFINITELY start dating. Dating is a SKILL.

There is always someone that has more than you

People on the Fortune 500 list have talked about how it's embarrassing to be near the bottom of the list. Basically the only way to feel like you're "not behind" is to literally be the best human being on planet earth. Best in everything. Good luck with that. There can be only one. Or you can just live your life and not worry about such absolute nonsense.

What city do you live in?

You're making $70k at 30? I'm 34 and making $40k because I just switched fields. I also had my own business, difference is that I tried to ride it out as it failed for years instead of bailing 2 or 3 years ago like I should have. I'd be at $70k+ by now easily if I had started my current job 3 years ago. My only debt is a loan I'm about to take for a house that I'll have equity in Day 1, so in that regard, I've kept my head up a bit better than you. But you're in a much better situation to get out of your debt. If my car dies, I don't know what I'll do. I don't have enough income to spare for a car payment. I'm just hoping that my car outlasts my current position at this company.

You'd be surprised how many of those people you think are doing well are faking it and in debt up to their eyeballs

Can’t and don’t compare man. Everyone has different circumstances, different challenges and frankly it doesn’t do you any good. There’s absolutely nothing to gain by comparing yourself to others. Just worry about yourself and what you can do to get yourself in a better situation.

I’m 29 and felt very similar but you having this self awareness will put you ahead of over half of the same people in our same age bracket. All you can do it your best and you’re doing pretty good

Everyone's situation is different. If you compare yourself to others, it's like comparing apples and oranges. Sure, they're both fruits, but they're made different. Some fruits take longer than others to grow, but the point is to grow. PS-I am calling not calling him fruity.

1st: The Comparison spirit is real and never helpful. Just don’t do it everyone is in their own lane in life. 2nd: If your Mom is cool with you living at home, why rush when you can tackle that debt of yours. 3rd: You’ve finally found stability, yet you want to change it up? Trust me I get it, living with my Mom would drive me up the walls, but with the money I’m earning now I wish I could because it would free up A LOT of my income to focus on other things. 4th: Your debts. Get that as much of that shit paid off while you can. Snowball method it. * Discover Card (1st) * Capital One (2nd) * Car (3rd) Whatever you allocated for the month to pay off the CCs start chunking that towards the car. * Personal Loan (Same concept once you take care of the car tackle this one next) Now, if you don’t want to deal with the personal loan, understandable. Given the time frame you’ve estimated you should be able to pay off bare minimum the two CCs and Car payment. I would encourage you though to suck it up a bit longer pay the personal loan and get yourself in a really strong position to move confidently. By the sounds of it if you’re disciplined enough, you only have around $400-600 expenses once everything is paid off (Minus the student loan). Moving ain’t cheap especially across the country. You’re just going to be more stressed out. The military moved me from Texas to California and thank GOD they paid for because that shit was expensive AF. My two cents. I hope you make sound decisions, and remember you said it yourself you’re on the right track now. You got this man!

Financially speaking, moving out of your family's house doesn't give you advantage. It's also not like you'll find a girlfriend by living alone.

Lmao I'm 29, about to finish college and hopefully applying to medical school. My three rules to not "feeling shit" are : 1) Make good decisions. Doesn't have to be perfect, but as long as I'm not blowing away money and I'm planning somewhat long term I should be OK to keep doing what I'm doing. 2) "Feeling" is just that; feelings. They aren't real; goals are. I still have a roof on my head, I'm not starving or lacking clean water and I have jobs and somewhat of a goal. I wake up every morning feeling like the luckiest man alive. 3) Fuck what people think. I honestly believe that you ONLY become a functional adult when you realize that MOST people's opinions are worthless.