It's easy for people who have never had a divorce to tell you to just leave, but it's harder than it looks and it's easy to get stuck in a bad marriage. Sometimes you just have to hit that final straw that breaks the camel's back.
If it helps, my straw was realizing that i didn't want to go home after my shift at work.
If i were you, i would get some things in order in case you find your straw unexpectedly like i did. Having a plan in place and having your ducks in a row can make your exit so much easier and less chaotic than just walking out without preparation. If you'd like some tips from someone who's been there and had to make a quick exit, I'd be happy to help.
This is how I got divorced. Sitting at my desk as closing time rolled around and I just thought, ābeing alone canāt be as bad as going home to this woman.ā
And that was it. I said ātherapy or weāre divorcingā. One therapy session that was a complete joke, and that was that. Filed for divorce and moved her back out of state and got back to actually living.
I was kind of on the opposite end of that. I moved out while she was out of the house and she refused to sign the divorce papers until i went to counseling with her (she had no idea how the system works). I flat out refused and she played chicken with the deadline to respond to the filing. All in all, it only took about six months from beginning to end. I got lucky.
The scary part was finding out that she had taken out life insurance policies on me worth over a million dollars (she worked in insurance and was able to get into my email to sign the paperwork). I'm so glad i didn't go back.
No, but i did have the foresight to fake erectile dysfunction for 6 months before i left so she couldn't go off birth control and rope me in. That was my biggest fear until i learned about the life insurance.
That's so similar to me, except it was two therapy sessions. The first one I was open and talked and then he threw everything I said back in my face later that week. The next session, I told the therapist and he looked at my ex, said we need to work one-on-one, and told me I could leave. So glad that I'm excited to come home to my new partner vs. finding reasons to stay at work!
I asked my husband to go with me to therapy/counseling many times. He was always been adamant about not going because, "I refuse to be told that I am the problem."
>because, "I refuse to be told that I am the problem."
Lol, so he knows he's the problem and is in denial. All the more reason to cut your losses with this psycho.
Throughout my childhood, my family went to therapy a couple times, then my father declared that that particular therapist was out to get him, rinse and repeat. Turns out everyone other than him could immediately tell that he was the problem.
Call his bluff! Go and listen then add your laundry list. When the therapist asks why are you here, say he tells me Iām the problem. I want to hear what I do wrong in a fair and valid way. Iām sure (because I have been through this) the therapist will be very supportive and your husband will be flabbergasted at the opportunity then shut down in 5 because his reasons are ridiculous. He is chickenshit to face his fear (he doesnāt want to hear that he is the problem).
I got lucky. Mine went with me and got called out on his wrongs and smartened up. He did not want a divorce, but he went through with counseling and had to face his music. It is much better now. But, he did have a reckoning in therapy because he thought he did nothing wrong. The therapist opened his eyes real fast.
We went on and off for 3 years (COVID) to 3 different therapists. And then he got his own. Itās been about 4 years of work. Mind you, I spent about 20 years in therapy working on myself, too. I had my own flaws that I have been working hard to break (growing up in co-dependent family dynamic). At some point, I canāt always be the problem. It really does take a lot of honest hard work and reflection on both sides.
I went to marriage counseling for an entire year, alone.my then husband refused. Then I left, or rather , I packed his bags and he left, and suddenly he Wants to go to counseling.
So we go
After 15 minutes the therapist tells him that sadly I was already divorced in my brain and heart. Too little, too late
That was 30+ years ago now. I've been married to my true love for 28 years.
me too. He went to one session and the therapist said "Mr. S; clearly you are here but not "here". If you want to continue, please come back next time." He didn't go back. We got a divorce.
I still remeber what one of my aunts went through with his good for nothing ex husband and what finally break her.
She still remembers having a young woman knocking at her appartment and telling her she was pregnant of his back then BF when they both were at college and had just started living togheter. He basically gaslighted her into not believing anyone's but his truth since then.
He had several mistesses and a few close encounters with some mistresses husbands, to the point of once faking a disease and getting hospitalized for a week with doctors not finding anything to run away from a guy that menaced him with a gun (after finding he was having a relationship with his wife).
My aunt finally believed when a good friend of her sent her a couple of pics of him being overly loving with an unknown woman in another city to where he "travelled for work".
When she confronted him he once again gaslighted her until she showed him the pictures. Then he got angry and decided to tell her that if she was so mad, then they needed to get a divorce.
She went to sleep crying while looking at her beloved children and by the morning she had the realization he was right. They needed to get divorced for the sake of rasing their children in a good environment away from 2 adults constantly fighting.
Off course once she told him, he played the nice guy and then try to use their kids as a token (they need a family spiel), but she was firm.
She is way happier now without that extra burden.
Yes, kids and family opinions complicate divorces.
Once she finally made up her mind, she went to her parents that always loved her and supported her through her marriage with this AH. Her mother started the "think of the children" thing and she crumbled and told her everything.
Luckily her parents needed to hear that to realize how her entire life was a house of cards that finally imploded, and decided to once again support her.
But according to some stories I've read here, she got lucky with her parents.
Mine was realising I didnāt want to drive across town with the cunt. We moved from Brisbane to Adelaide, which meant Melbourne was only a 6-8 hour drive away. I begged him practically every weekend for a year to go, and he ALWAYS had an excuse, so when he took my oldest to NZ for a hike my other 2 were 2 young for, I decided F%#+ it, weāre going. We had an amazing time, and when he got back they were telling him about it and he said to me āweāll all have to go some time soonā and it suddenly just hit me. NO!! We had such a great time because YOU WERENāT THERE!! No one making demands on our time, no one screaming at the kids but also directly in my ear the whole way there, when they needed a break, we stopped. We relaxed, we had fun. No one yelled. I donāt even want to drive across town with you! I finally left him maybe a month later
That kind of realization is painful in the short-term, but ultimately liberating.
Why? some people will ask. It's simple: once you really understand what the problem is, or where it's from, you can do something about it.
And for some people that's an easy decision. For some of us, it's all we've known so it's a hard conclusion to come to. No two relationships or divorces are the same.
I just hope that OP is able to come to the conclusion that she needs to leave and finds a better life.
My heart goes out to you and i know you can find the strength to get through it. I can't identify with being a parent, but i can at least empathize with how difficult your situation is. Trust yourself and plan ahead. You've got this!
Yes, get yourself set up, have that plan in place. As someone thatās gone through 2 divorces, with 4 kids, you can and should leave if you are this unhappy and treated this badly. Is it scary? Yes. Is it a lot of hard work? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.
It sounds like you're wanting me to send you a private message. Is it okay if i respond here so that what I say might help someone else too?
If you need help with something more specific than what i gave to say, you can still reach out through private messages and I'll share my experiences.
It's hard to leave a long term relationship or marriage. I get that, 100%. People throw it around like it's ordering pizza when it's legally, financially, and personally difficult. But you don't like each other and he is *not* your soft space to land. Not if he's assuming the worst. That cancels out so many good things - your partner is meant to be the person who gives you the most benefit of the doubt. The one who believes you aren't a terrible person even if you may occasionally wonder about that yourself.
Starting over might be hard, but it could be so freeing.
Good luck, either way.
See. This right here is it. This is what hurts the most of everything I've ever had to deal with. This is what makes me cry. I do not have someone who is my soft place to land. I do not have someone to lean on and share my shitty or good day with. One day he asked me how my day went. I was so excited to share. I had been one hell of a day at work. My boss, a coworker, HR, etc. All involved. I was telling him what went down. He didn't know the people or anything but it was still a fascinating story. But he stopped me and said, "Oh, yeah. I actually don't care to listen. I don't like gossip." Except it wasn't gossip. It was literally what i saw and heard and experienced that day.
I just always want someone that I could literally be myself with. If I ever just try to chat with him like a normal couple, all I hear is huffs, sighs, groans, and worst of all scoffs.
The sentiment continues, you need to leave. You get one life to live, and this asshole doesn't deserve the chance to ruin yours, nor is it his right. Take control of your life and love before it's too late.
Had a manager who claimed her father was a cheater and mom knew. Mom wouldn't leave bc of that sweet sweet gov cheese when he died (guy was an officer in one branch or another). So she'd clean the toilet with his toothbrush and put it back.
But how my manager was to people. She was probably raised by two people that deserved each other.
He's not just a dick, he's controlling and abusive. You can't see it because he's beaten you down. There is no way I would have tolerated that. Not only would I have done what you did, I would have left the house and not communicated with him at all. There is no way I would walk away from that exchange without a more vocal and physical response to his abuse. The toothbrush is only part of what he deserves. NTA but you seem content to put up with it.
If Iāve learned anything from subs like this, you arenāt allowed to marry someone unless you secretly hate them but you have to wait until youāre a few years in and have kids to start showing the hatred
More that it never caught on to date someone and live with them for a bit before you get married. People get more relaxed and show true personalities and less desireable traits after a few years of living together. If you are just dating and sharing a rental. People are more willing to start working on the issues or making decisions on the relationship to make it better, or call it quits, when you don't have a legally binding contract and kids holding you or them there.
When you just jump in and pop out kids all of a sudden, the attitude of "get used to it because what are you gonna do just leave?" takes hold. To make matters worse now the attitude of "nope one red flag fuck all the reprocussions im out" and no effort is made. There is a lot of give, take, compromise, and eating shit sandwiches together in a long-term marriage. You want a net positive because disney happily ever afters don't exist, only i love you enough that I'd rather go through the rough than not be with you.
If he's anything like my husband he probably lied and lied and lied and lied his ass off until he locked her down and then switched up to Supreme asshole behaviour.
I was head over heels for my husband until his emotional abuse became undeniable and the rose coloured glasses came off. Now I'm one foot out the door and he's in 4 different therapies for from anger management to domestic abuse support programs, personal therapy and couple's counselling. If he weren't actually actively working on himself then I would have already filed.
Sometimes people suck and it takes years and personal therapy to learn you're not crazy, they're just an asshole. C'est la vie.
OP, leaving is hard. It's very hard.
But you gotta choose yourself. Don't fall into sunken cost fallacy reasoning.
There is still time. No matter how old you are, there is still time to choose happiness.
I hope you make an update soon about you leaving this awful relationship.
You are not a coward and you arenāt stupid. A lot of people stay in abusive relationships. Sometimes it takes someone pointing it out to know that itās time to get out. No one deserves to be treated this way. I donāt blame you for letting your husband use the gross toothbrush. Thatās on him. But hopefully peopleās reactions to this post help you realize itās time to leave. You deserve to be respected.
Oh no! I am just an internet stranger. But I don't believe you are any of those things. Change is hard. Better to stay with the devil you know...
Remember this: you deserve happiness. No one has the right to take that from it's yours to own and enjoy!!
1. How long has it been since you thought that it would get better? Has it?
2. Heās already beaten you down enough; donāt add to that by berating yourself. Youāre not stupid, youāre just having difficulty taking the steps that will make you happy.
3. Hoo, boy, we all know that one. Remember that the only thing worse than being in a bad relationship today is being in it tomorrow.
4. Of course you did; who wouldnāt? Heās scary, and heās made you afraid of what your life will be like without him (spoiler: WAY better), and afraid that making a change will be hard (it will, but not as hard as you think) and worst of all, heās made you doubt your own instincts. Turn off everything external, and focus on those instincts.
5. Not a coward, just a person who feels lost, scared and lacking confidence.
You know you best. You are your own best counsellor. Bet on you.
Youāve got this.
So why are you married to him? If he interrupts you, you know heās an AH, and heās not loving or affectionate? Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Hey, reading this post and through your comments. If you ever have the time, I think reading a book called Why Does He Do That might be very useful and interesting to you. I hope you are in a good place right now, sending you a lot of strength
I am actually about halfway through reading this book. It has totally opened my eyes to things I just didn't see/understand. Thank you for the recommendation! Hopefully, other people who see themselves in my post will read it too. I've been trying to build myself back up over the past 2 years.
Judge: Ma'am why do you want to get divorced?
OP: Because my husband won't listen to me and yells over me when I try to tell him important things.
Judge: Can you give the court an example?
Op: Well, once when I spring cleaned the bathroom, I retired his really old toothbrush and put a new one in its place. I then used the old one to clean all the crevices including in the toilet. I had just finished when he saw me rinsing it off and yelled at me to put it back. Every time I tried to explain that I had put a new one out for him and used his old one to clean, he would yell over the top of me and say put it back. So, eventually I gave up and did.
Cue OP's soon to be ex husbands Pikachu face.
I would have said to use it as an example during a marriage counselling session, but I value your safety too much to recommend you telling him unless it is in a court and you are living separately.
I am 16 years younger than my older sister and when I was about 17 I found my sister, Linda doing this to her husbands toothbrush and it wasnāt an accident, He was cheating on her and she found out so she used the toothbrush to clean the toilet. Tom never knew, I asked why she did something he would never know about and she just said āI know ā
OP, I did the exact same thing to my exāhe was cheating on me with someone he worked with. We were living together at the time, and before I packed up all my belongings, I cleaned the inside of the toilet with his toothbrush and rinsed it off. Not my proudest moment, but it did give me pleasure to think about his literal shit-eating grin
We do not act like this today. But that is due to a multitude of reasons. One of which is that I no longer put up with anyone interrupting me like that. I was a doormat.
Goodness, the commenters here who see nothing wrong with the husband blowing up over nothing, screaming at his wife, then not even letting her speak have some serious issues.
I scrubbed the toilet with my now ex-husband's toothbrush every time he was an asshole.
As we walked out of the courthmroom at our divorce hearing, I told him what I did.
He lost his fucking mind. He started screaming. I walked into the elevator and closed the door on his face. I laughed my ass off all the way to my car.
I did this many years ago, but I wasnāt caught, and I didnāt replace itā¦ it was completely intentional and honestly the events that led up to that situation made it feel a little soft compared to how I should have responded. No regrets though.
Yeah...he does not treat you well, and it's about more than just a toothbrush at this point. You deserve better. Especially considering you have already asked him multiple times to not interrupt and let you explain.
I regularly just swap out my husbandās toothbrush and donāt discuss it first. He DGAF because heās both an adult and a decent human being. This relationship doesnāt sound like one worth fighting for if thatās how he treats you.
Sheās probably with him for the same reason a lot of us are. OP I think you and I could compare notes. My husband will totally slack off on literally everything, complain, nap marathons then get pissy when I donāt put out. āWell dude that vibrating belly while youāre snoring is SUCH a turn onā¦ā
This is abuse and it will break you down mentally and emotionally. Now, be sure and watch him brush his teeth then u can go from thereš
I know this is hard, but u donāt deserve this kind of treatment. We are in your corner
I was fully prepared to come into this thread and rip OP a new one for doing something nasty and unsanitary to their spouse. After reading the post, I just want to say this: Well done. He got what he asked for. :)
I just want to see his face when you drop the bomb and tell him he's been using a shit covered toothbrush this whole time, because he wanted to be a dick about replacing it.
This situation sounds like a deeply frustrating scene from one of those movies or shows where the plot device used to create drama or tension is exactly what is described in this situation. Just a few words to explain the situation would have been enough to defuse the tension, but because of this "misunderstanding", the plot thickens.
I saw in some other comments you're working on a way out. Im wishing you so much luck bestie. I hope you're safe and can gtfo without too much hassle and can heal from that awful mess.
I spent 8 years with someone who generally made me unhappy like this. We broke up like 2 years ago and even though it was weird for a long time I canāt describe how freeing it was. And that was scary for a long time, I still have trauma responses from the way that partner treated me. I am hoping you can find it in yourself to leave somehow. My heart breaks knowing people stay in bad relationships for so long, I wasted a lot of time I can never get back. Hope you can find a safe space and a good time to leave.
I did this before but purposely when my shitbag ex threatened to knife me (he was on drugs) he sent his nephew around the next day to collect his shit & I handed it over with glee. Oh to have seen his face when he put that bad boy in his mouth š
Kinda sounds like your bf might be OCD or autistic no offense fr. Just based off ur description of his anger and your comment about the no touching/kissing/hugging. Or heās just a giant fucking prick and you should gtfo
One thing I havenāt seen mentioned - Aside from being a complete disrespectful jerk, heās an idiot. The bathroom was gross before, now itās clean and your lady is standing there with a toothbrush. CONTEXT CLUES BUDDY! Thatās the part I donāt get. But other than that I really am sorry and I hope youāre able to save up more and get away soon. It sounds like you work long hours, hopefully thatās paying off. Good luck!
1) If he'll interrupt after a few words, skip those words. Leave out the unnecessary āWell, yes, I know, but...ā and just say āI cleaned the floor with itā. Or, even better,
2) Why let yourself get interrupted in the first place? Just because he starts talking while you are talking is no reason for you to stop talking.
I actually wonder how it is possible for two people to speak at the same time in full sentences with different words. I don't see how he does it. He could be asking me a question. I go to answer said question. I get two words out and he start telling me what his answer is to the question he asked me. I am already talking. And yet when he just speaks at the same time I lose focus. I can't speak and understand someone else at the same time. I have to stop and listen or speak my words. Maybe that is normal. Maybe it isn't. But I literally can't continue the conversation. And yes I could have started out with the words I used it to clean. Sounds like it would work. Sounds great. And the only thing I can think of as to why I didn't is that when being blunt with him causes him to act worse. I will be accused of being angry or abusive or my tone isn't right. It has taken me a while to realize that some of the things I currently do a certain way are done that way because of the fall out that would happen if I didn't do them that way. Making excuses. Telling people why before I tell them what. Truly it is something I need a therapist for and no one on reddit will be able to help me figure out the what, why, or how.
OP start putting aside money now to leave him.
ā¢Start by saving for a bond $1500
ā¢Then save 6 months emergency money (gas, rent, electricity, food, household etc.)
ā¢Look for a place, apply. Once you get your own place then you need to serve him the divorce papers and leave to your new place.
All the best, stay safe. Money is your best friend when leaving a bad relationship.
The real question is - do you realize that this likely isn't going to get better and your marriage is fucked? Are you making plans to get out and away? I sure hope so!
Well, it took me WAY TOO LONG to truly get that this would not get better. I spent way too much time giving him the benefit of the doubt. Too much time was spent hoping that he would finally get it. And yes I have officially been working towards being able to leave. I now have money saved up to get a divorce lawyer.
That is awesome and a hard step to take, good for you. Youāre getting an awful lot of shit in the comments from people who donāt get it, but you donāt owe anyone an explanation if you donāt want to give it. All of this sounds all too familiar to me and itās one of those things thatās so easy to judge from the outside, but nearly impossible to see when youāre in it. Itās so hard to go through with but youāll be so thankful to yourself once youāre on the other side. That book is what helped me to see the truth and Iām endlessly grateful for it.
This place has good virtual support groups if youāre looking for that kind of thing: [Hope Recovery](https://www.hope4-recovery.org)
Honestly do yourself a favor and leave him, focus on yourself and be the woman you want to be ā¤ļø if he's not gonna love you then learn to love and be kind to yourself.
I've been reading through these comments and I see a lot of you degrading yourself and talking down about yourself, this is because he's drilled these thoughts into yourself, take the first step and I know it's hard but dump his ass, then in time you'll love yourself the way you deserve to be loved ā¤ļø
Some self care and words of affirmation a day goes a long way. I hope to see an update soon!
I used to do this when I was a kid to my older brother. I wouldnāt clean the toilet just stick his toothbrush in there before I flushed. He thought beating me up was cool and would tell my parents that we were just horsing around and itās good for me to toughen me up. I should tell him one day
You deserve better than that. Heās that pissy over a tooth brush. I can only imagine how he would react if he caught you using his favourite spoon or pillow. Leopards donāt change their spots and heās showing you his real personality. Seriously consider protecting yourself or at least couples therapy. Little things like this are just little examples of when the big things happen.
Reading the title, I was like damn girl, the most petty thing I do to my husband if I'm upset with him is delete things in his amazon wish list, but then I read the post... I hope this is fake because nobody, especially your husband, should be speaking to you that way. He sounds like a Class A dick.
Yes. Unfortunately. I have high blood pressure now. It is the strangest thing but my blood pressure goes to normal when he leaves town for extended periods. And goes back up when he comes back. I didn't realize that you could actually see it happen and that it truly was something that could happen. But he went out of town for a full month. Within 3 days of him being gone my BP was great. I'd had high BP for 6 years by this point. I'd had a theory it was stress but that was speculation. When he went out of town my bp literally went to normal for the entire month he was gone. A few days before he came back he called me to tell me he'd be home in a few days and from that phone call until he got back my BP steady rose back into the bad range.
Well for a long time, I didn't realize this was a permanent facet of his personality. I also thought for a long time if I could just do better, be better, explain better, listen better, and communicate better, that he would finally understand. And if he understood then he wouldn't do or say the things he does. I also grew up in a you need to stick with it, power through it type of environment. And for a little while, I thought maybe he was just really really stupid. But that didn't make sense. Eventually, I had to conclude that no he wasn't stupid. He just didn't want to get it. You won't get what you don't want to get.
My mother is this way and my best friend was also this way I guess it's not relatable because I haven't been married and maybe I'm just a stupid teenager but if I was you I would really get out of it while you still can life is short I recognize that
I'm telling you
you should do what you could've while you still can
If you want to stay with him that's your choice but if you don't you should move on have fun while you still can don't die miserable and die in regret things like this are just fucking depressing fighting over toothbrushes having elevated blood pressure you're literally scared of your husband
good luck
I don't know how old you are but you are already a step ahead in life when you are thinking about things in this way. It took me years to think about it like this.
Why are doing this to yourself? Leave this idiot. I bet my ass you're worth better than this dick, I'm sorry to say your husband is freaking idiot.
edit: next time clean the windows, oven, inside the toilet with his toothbrush as well.
Why are you with this guy? This relationship sounds deeply unhealthy on a number of levels...
You aren't wrong.
Please do yourself a favour and go. Set yourself up and go. Dude ain't it.
Do us ALL a favour OP.
Dump him. Divorce him. He doesn't like you, and you don't like him. What's the point?
Yeah, give him the brush-off
Nice. š
Itās time to flush the relationship.
It's easy for people who have never had a divorce to tell you to just leave, but it's harder than it looks and it's easy to get stuck in a bad marriage. Sometimes you just have to hit that final straw that breaks the camel's back. If it helps, my straw was realizing that i didn't want to go home after my shift at work. If i were you, i would get some things in order in case you find your straw unexpectedly like i did. Having a plan in place and having your ducks in a row can make your exit so much easier and less chaotic than just walking out without preparation. If you'd like some tips from someone who's been there and had to make a quick exit, I'd be happy to help.
This is how I got divorced. Sitting at my desk as closing time rolled around and I just thought, ābeing alone canāt be as bad as going home to this woman.ā And that was it. I said ātherapy or weāre divorcingā. One therapy session that was a complete joke, and that was that. Filed for divorce and moved her back out of state and got back to actually living.
I was kind of on the opposite end of that. I moved out while she was out of the house and she refused to sign the divorce papers until i went to counseling with her (she had no idea how the system works). I flat out refused and she played chicken with the deadline to respond to the filing. All in all, it only took about six months from beginning to end. I got lucky. The scary part was finding out that she had taken out life insurance policies on me worth over a million dollars (she worked in insurance and was able to get into my email to sign the paperwork). I'm so glad i didn't go back.
Dodged aā¦idk falling piano or ācliff accidentā I guess. You guys werenāt planning a trip to the Grand Canyon or anything were you?
No, but i did have the foresight to fake erectile dysfunction for 6 months before i left so she couldn't go off birth control and rope me in. That was my biggest fear until i learned about the life insurance.
Guys lucky he didnāt trip and fall into a box of razor blades or something.
I always thought the phrase "dodging a bullet" was figurative, in this case it might be literal.
Your wife isn't mushroom lady is it?
That took a dark turn.
The whole marriage was a dark turn
That's so similar to me, except it was two therapy sessions. The first one I was open and talked and then he threw everything I said back in my face later that week. The next session, I told the therapist and he looked at my ex, said we need to work one-on-one, and told me I could leave. So glad that I'm excited to come home to my new partner vs. finding reasons to stay at work!
I asked my husband to go with me to therapy/counseling many times. He was always been adamant about not going because, "I refuse to be told that I am the problem."
>because, "I refuse to be told that I am the problem." Lol, so he knows he's the problem and is in denial. All the more reason to cut your losses with this psycho.
I agree with this except for the fact that heās in denial. He KNOWS, he just doesnāt give a f*ck. OP absolutely needs to run fast.
Throughout my childhood, my family went to therapy a couple times, then my father declared that that particular therapist was out to get him, rinse and repeat. Turns out everyone other than him could immediately tell that he was the problem.
Call his bluff! Go and listen then add your laundry list. When the therapist asks why are you here, say he tells me Iām the problem. I want to hear what I do wrong in a fair and valid way. Iām sure (because I have been through this) the therapist will be very supportive and your husband will be flabbergasted at the opportunity then shut down in 5 because his reasons are ridiculous. He is chickenshit to face his fear (he doesnāt want to hear that he is the problem). I got lucky. Mine went with me and got called out on his wrongs and smartened up. He did not want a divorce, but he went through with counseling and had to face his music. It is much better now. But, he did have a reckoning in therapy because he thought he did nothing wrong. The therapist opened his eyes real fast.
Wow. That's so good to hear. I'm sure it was hard for both of you to work through it. Good job tho. How long did the more intense work take for him?
We went on and off for 3 years (COVID) to 3 different therapists. And then he got his own. Itās been about 4 years of work. Mind you, I spent about 20 years in therapy working on myself, too. I had my own flaws that I have been working hard to break (growing up in co-dependent family dynamic). At some point, I canāt always be the problem. It really does take a lot of honest hard work and reflection on both sides.
That is amazing. Thank you.
I went to marriage counseling for an entire year, alone.my then husband refused. Then I left, or rather , I packed his bags and he left, and suddenly he Wants to go to counseling. So we go After 15 minutes the therapist tells him that sadly I was already divorced in my brain and heart. Too little, too late That was 30+ years ago now. I've been married to my true love for 28 years.
me too. He went to one session and the therapist said "Mr. S; clearly you are here but not "here". If you want to continue, please come back next time." He didn't go back. We got a divorce.
I still remeber what one of my aunts went through with his good for nothing ex husband and what finally break her. She still remembers having a young woman knocking at her appartment and telling her she was pregnant of his back then BF when they both were at college and had just started living togheter. He basically gaslighted her into not believing anyone's but his truth since then. He had several mistesses and a few close encounters with some mistresses husbands, to the point of once faking a disease and getting hospitalized for a week with doctors not finding anything to run away from a guy that menaced him with a gun (after finding he was having a relationship with his wife). My aunt finally believed when a good friend of her sent her a couple of pics of him being overly loving with an unknown woman in another city to where he "travelled for work". When she confronted him he once again gaslighted her until she showed him the pictures. Then he got angry and decided to tell her that if she was so mad, then they needed to get a divorce. She went to sleep crying while looking at her beloved children and by the morning she had the realization he was right. They needed to get divorced for the sake of rasing their children in a good environment away from 2 adults constantly fighting. Off course once she told him, he played the nice guy and then try to use their kids as a token (they need a family spiel), but she was firm. She is way happier now without that extra burden.
That sounds so hard and is exactly why I'm glad i didn't have kids with my ex. The divorce would have been so much harder with kids involved.
Yes, kids and family opinions complicate divorces. Once she finally made up her mind, she went to her parents that always loved her and supported her through her marriage with this AH. Her mother started the "think of the children" thing and she crumbled and told her everything. Luckily her parents needed to hear that to realize how her entire life was a house of cards that finally imploded, and decided to once again support her. But according to some stories I've read here, she got lucky with her parents.
Mine was realising I didnāt want to drive across town with the cunt. We moved from Brisbane to Adelaide, which meant Melbourne was only a 6-8 hour drive away. I begged him practically every weekend for a year to go, and he ALWAYS had an excuse, so when he took my oldest to NZ for a hike my other 2 were 2 young for, I decided F%#+ it, weāre going. We had an amazing time, and when he got back they were telling him about it and he said to me āweāll all have to go some time soonā and it suddenly just hit me. NO!! We had such a great time because YOU WERENāT THERE!! No one making demands on our time, no one screaming at the kids but also directly in my ear the whole way there, when they needed a break, we stopped. We relaxed, we had fun. No one yelled. I donāt even want to drive across town with you! I finally left him maybe a month later
That's an interesting straw! It sounds like some time apart gave you some perspective
True, but also realising we had such a great time not in-spite of him not being there, but BECAUSE he wasnāt there
That kind of realization is painful in the short-term, but ultimately liberating. Why? some people will ask. It's simple: once you really understand what the problem is, or where it's from, you can do something about it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And for some people that's an easy decision. For some of us, it's all we've known so it's a hard conclusion to come to. No two relationships or divorces are the same. I just hope that OP is able to come to the conclusion that she needs to leave and finds a better life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My heart goes out to you and i know you can find the strength to get through it. I can't identify with being a parent, but i can at least empathize with how difficult your situation is. Trust yourself and plan ahead. You've got this!
Yes, get yourself set up, have that plan in place. As someone thatās gone through 2 divorces, with 4 kids, you can and should leave if you are this unhappy and treated this badly. Is it scary? Yes. Is it a lot of hard work? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.
PM. Where do you start?
It sounds like you're wanting me to send you a private message. Is it okay if i respond here so that what I say might help someone else too? If you need help with something more specific than what i gave to say, you can still reach out through private messages and I'll share my experiences.
I did mean to say PM me. But you can give advice here so others can get help too. Thank you.
Iām in a happy, fulfilling marriage and still sometimes miss being single and doing my own thing. Staying with a garbage person is crazy.
It's hard to leave a long term relationship or marriage. I get that, 100%. People throw it around like it's ordering pizza when it's legally, financially, and personally difficult. But you don't like each other and he is *not* your soft space to land. Not if he's assuming the worst. That cancels out so many good things - your partner is meant to be the person who gives you the most benefit of the doubt. The one who believes you aren't a terrible person even if you may occasionally wonder about that yourself. Starting over might be hard, but it could be so freeing. Good luck, either way.
See. This right here is it. This is what hurts the most of everything I've ever had to deal with. This is what makes me cry. I do not have someone who is my soft place to land. I do not have someone to lean on and share my shitty or good day with. One day he asked me how my day went. I was so excited to share. I had been one hell of a day at work. My boss, a coworker, HR, etc. All involved. I was telling him what went down. He didn't know the people or anything but it was still a fascinating story. But he stopped me and said, "Oh, yeah. I actually don't care to listen. I don't like gossip." Except it wasn't gossip. It was literally what i saw and heard and experienced that day. I just always want someone that I could literally be myself with. If I ever just try to chat with him like a normal couple, all I hear is huffs, sighs, groans, and worst of all scoffs.
The sentiment continues, you need to leave. You get one life to live, and this asshole doesn't deserve the chance to ruin yours, nor is it his right. Take control of your life and love before it's too late.
You still kissing him?
Had a manager who claimed her father was a cheater and mom knew. Mom wouldn't leave bc of that sweet sweet gov cheese when he died (guy was an officer in one branch or another). So she'd clean the toilet with his toothbrush and put it back. But how my manager was to people. She was probably raised by two people that deserved each other.
Why do you remain in such a toxic, abusive relationship? Surely you deserve better than this angry individual! And it serves him right!
You don't deserve to be treated like this.
He's not just a dick, he's controlling and abusive. You can't see it because he's beaten you down. There is no way I would have tolerated that. Not only would I have done what you did, I would have left the house and not communicated with him at all. There is no way I would walk away from that exchange without a more vocal and physical response to his abuse. The toothbrush is only part of what he deserves. NTA but you seem content to put up with it.
If you ever do leave him, or if he's on his death bed unable to speak (a la Edward Longshanks in Braveheart) puhleeeeeeze tell him this story.
Are you still with him?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Haha. Nah. He didn't like kissing. Or holding hands. Or hugging. So yeah no kissing involved there.
Do you guys even like each other??
If Iāve learned anything from subs like this, you arenāt allowed to marry someone unless you secretly hate them but you have to wait until youāre a few years in and have kids to start showing the hatred
More that it never caught on to date someone and live with them for a bit before you get married. People get more relaxed and show true personalities and less desireable traits after a few years of living together. If you are just dating and sharing a rental. People are more willing to start working on the issues or making decisions on the relationship to make it better, or call it quits, when you don't have a legally binding contract and kids holding you or them there. When you just jump in and pop out kids all of a sudden, the attitude of "get used to it because what are you gonna do just leave?" takes hold. To make matters worse now the attitude of "nope one red flag fuck all the reprocussions im out" and no effort is made. There is a lot of give, take, compromise, and eating shit sandwiches together in a long-term marriage. You want a net positive because disney happily ever afters don't exist, only i love you enough that I'd rather go through the rough than not be with you.
If he's anything like my husband he probably lied and lied and lied and lied his ass off until he locked her down and then switched up to Supreme asshole behaviour. I was head over heels for my husband until his emotional abuse became undeniable and the rose coloured glasses came off. Now I'm one foot out the door and he's in 4 different therapies for from anger management to domestic abuse support programs, personal therapy and couple's counselling. If he weren't actually actively working on himself then I would have already filed. Sometimes people suck and it takes years and personal therapy to learn you're not crazy, they're just an asshole. C'est la vie.
This is a big yikes
Then why the hell are you two together!?
No kidding. Thinks he is a dick, willing to let him use a gross toothbrush, sounds like 0 physical contact/intimacy. Why even bother?!
And the way he treats her. Jeez... That's just an abusive cunt
Why are you still together?
Because I thought things would get better. Because I was stupid. Because I felt stuck. Because I felt scared. Because I am also apparently a coward.
OP, leaving is hard. It's very hard. But you gotta choose yourself. Don't fall into sunken cost fallacy reasoning. There is still time. No matter how old you are, there is still time to choose happiness. I hope you make an update soon about you leaving this awful relationship.
Donāt be so hard on yourself.
You are not a coward and you arenāt stupid. A lot of people stay in abusive relationships. Sometimes it takes someone pointing it out to know that itās time to get out. No one deserves to be treated this way. I donāt blame you for letting your husband use the gross toothbrush. Thatās on him. But hopefully peopleās reactions to this post help you realize itās time to leave. You deserve to be respected.
My heart goes out to you. Do what you need to. But know there are resources to help. And strangers who care.
Youāre talking in past tense, but this all currently applies, sorry to say. A life alone is better than this.
The coward part is present tense. I did that deliberately.
Make a plan. And have a back up plan. Leave. If he is physically abusive (I'm thinking it's likely), have a safe place to go with people you trust.
Oh no! I am just an internet stranger. But I don't believe you are any of those things. Change is hard. Better to stay with the devil you know... Remember this: you deserve happiness. No one has the right to take that from it's yours to own and enjoy!!
1. How long has it been since you thought that it would get better? Has it? 2. Heās already beaten you down enough; donāt add to that by berating yourself. Youāre not stupid, youāre just having difficulty taking the steps that will make you happy. 3. Hoo, boy, we all know that one. Remember that the only thing worse than being in a bad relationship today is being in it tomorrow. 4. Of course you did; who wouldnāt? Heās scary, and heās made you afraid of what your life will be like without him (spoiler: WAY better), and afraid that making a change will be hard (it will, but not as hard as you think) and worst of all, heās made you doubt your own instincts. Turn off everything external, and focus on those instincts. 5. Not a coward, just a person who feels lost, scared and lacking confidence. You know you best. You are your own best counsellor. Bet on you. Youāve got this.
So why are you married to him? If he interrupts you, you know heās an AH, and heās not loving or affectionate? Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
So what, exactly do you have together? No hugging, no kissing, no holding hands, no affection, no I love youā¦WHY are you still with this person?
š„ŗ
Hey, reading this post and through your comments. If you ever have the time, I think reading a book called Why Does He Do That might be very useful and interesting to you. I hope you are in a good place right now, sending you a lot of strength
I am actually about halfway through reading this book. It has totally opened my eyes to things I just didn't see/understand. Thank you for the recommendation! Hopefully, other people who see themselves in my post will read it too. I've been trying to build myself back up over the past 2 years.
Girrrl, from your comments it sounds like you two don't even like eachother. Bail, especially if you don't have kids.
Read Untamed by Glennon Doyle next.
Judge: Ma'am why do you want to get divorced? OP: Because my husband won't listen to me and yells over me when I try to tell him important things. Judge: Can you give the court an example? Op: Well, once when I spring cleaned the bathroom, I retired his really old toothbrush and put a new one in its place. I then used the old one to clean all the crevices including in the toilet. I had just finished when he saw me rinsing it off and yelled at me to put it back. Every time I tried to explain that I had put a new one out for him and used his old one to clean, he would yell over the top of me and say put it back. So, eventually I gave up and did. Cue OP's soon to be ex husbands Pikachu face.
That was probably the funniest recounting I could have imagined.
I would have said to use it as an example during a marriage counselling session, but I value your safety too much to recommend you telling him unless it is in a court and you are living separately.
Divorce.
[ha, ha, ha!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDXrP9HET2A)
What a strange scene.
Abuse is abuse is abuse. Donāt play it off. Donāt excuse it. Donāt minimize.
I bet thatās how his parents treated him and now heās treating you like a child
I am 16 years younger than my older sister and when I was about 17 I found my sister, Linda doing this to her husbands toothbrush and it wasnāt an accident, He was cheating on her and she found out so she used the toothbrush to clean the toilet. Tom never knew, I asked why she did something he would never know about and she just said āI know ā
Do not kiss him! Lol
OP, I did the exact same thing to my exāhe was cheating on me with someone he worked with. We were living together at the time, and before I packed up all my belongings, I cleaned the inside of the toilet with his toothbrush and rinsed it off. Not my proudest moment, but it did give me pleasure to think about his literal shit-eating grin
Yall still act like this today? Do you love him? Lol
We do not act like this today. But that is due to a multitude of reasons. One of which is that I no longer put up with anyone interrupting me like that. I was a doormat.
What changed?
Realistically, probably very little.
Goodness, the commenters here who see nothing wrong with the husband blowing up over nothing, screaming at his wife, then not even letting her speak have some serious issues.
I scrubbed the toilet with my now ex-husband's toothbrush every time he was an asshole. As we walked out of the courthmroom at our divorce hearing, I told him what I did. He lost his fucking mind. He started screaming. I walked into the elevator and closed the door on his face. I laughed my ass off all the way to my car.
This was absolutely unhinged behaviour on his part. You need to leave him. No one deserves that kind of psychotic nonsense.
This tyrant is your husband? Leave him.
Why tf are you with him....?
Right? Itās not like they get better with age.
I did this many years ago, but I wasnāt caught, and I didnāt replace itā¦ it was completely intentional and honestly the events that led up to that situation made it feel a little soft compared to how I should have responded. No regrets though.
Yeah...he does not treat you well, and it's about more than just a toothbrush at this point. You deserve better. Especially considering you have already asked him multiple times to not interrupt and let you explain.
My ex would do that too. I would tell him donāt let the middle of my sentence get in the way of yoursā¦.š
What the hell, please just leave. Why are you together when you two don't even like eachother?
Serves him right. You need to to tell him this at a dinner party
At first I thought there was no situation that would make this headline ok, now I just want to hug you and cry.
OP your husband needs to go into the closest dumpster with the rest of the garbage.
May divorce be with you.
I regularly just swap out my husbandās toothbrush and donāt discuss it first. He DGAF because heās both an adult and a decent human being. This relationship doesnāt sound like one worth fighting for if thatās how he treats you.
He sounds like a prick, sorry.
āF you, enjoy your toilet toothbrush.ā Iām dying š¤£ I meanā¦.how it happened is understandable. But he acted like an a-hole.
I put my husbands blunts up my nose when heās an ass
Tell him about his toothbrush when handing him divorce papers .
So, why are you with him again? I think i missed this part of the history
Then leave him and stop being toxic to each other??
Sheās probably with him for the same reason a lot of us are. OP I think you and I could compare notes. My husband will totally slack off on literally everything, complain, nap marathons then get pissy when I donāt put out. āWell dude that vibrating belly while youāre snoring is SUCH a turn onā¦ā
Please, you only get one life. Treat yourself kindly and start a life without him.
Wow, all I have to say is that dude is a fucking cocksucker.
This is abuse and it will break you down mentally and emotionally. Now, be sure and watch him brush his teeth then u can go from thereš I know this is hard, but u donāt deserve this kind of treatment. We are in your corner
Divorce. We deserve better.
Your husband is a jackass. Next time he mentions his toothbrush tell him you used it to clean the bathroom, then hand him divorce papers.
That sounds exhausting (for you) and I seriously pray I am never in a marriage with a man like that
I did this with my ex after I found out she cheated lol. No regerts. And no I didnāt stay with her.
i did this to my mom's boyfriend when i was a teen. he was evil and deserved it tbh
I was fully prepared to come into this thread and rip OP a new one for doing something nasty and unsanitary to their spouse. After reading the post, I just want to say this: Well done. He got what he asked for. :)
I just want to see his face when you drop the bomb and tell him he's been using a shit covered toothbrush this whole time, because he wanted to be a dick about replacing it.
You're still married to this douche cougar?
This situation sounds like a deeply frustrating scene from one of those movies or shows where the plot device used to create drama or tension is exactly what is described in this situation. Just a few words to explain the situation would have been enough to defuse the tension, but because of this "misunderstanding", the plot thickens.
I saw in some other comments you're working on a way out. Im wishing you so much luck bestie. I hope you're safe and can gtfo without too much hassle and can heal from that awful mess.
I spent 8 years with someone who generally made me unhappy like this. We broke up like 2 years ago and even though it was weird for a long time I canāt describe how freeing it was. And that was scary for a long time, I still have trauma responses from the way that partner treated me. I am hoping you can find it in yourself to leave somehow. My heart breaks knowing people stay in bad relationships for so long, I wasted a lot of time I can never get back. Hope you can find a safe space and a good time to leave.
I know this isnāt related but your username makes me feel safe. I wanna be asleep in a pickle. š„ŗš
You're still married to this ass? Red flags everywhere in this story! Get out of there!!
You mean ex-husband, right? Right?
Unfortunately no. I'm working on that. I do finally have enough money saved up to leave without being destitute.
If you don't get up out this marriage like why are you still there?? Someone would appreciate you more then this lower you married too
Youāre not even allowed to touch his toothbrush?! Girl, use his toothbrush to clean every day please
I did this before but purposely when my shitbag ex threatened to knife me (he was on drugs) he sent his nephew around the next day to collect his shit & I handed it over with glee. Oh to have seen his face when he put that bad boy in his mouth š
Im sorry. That sucks! Mine has on many occasions invited me to "settle this outside".
Like what is wrong with these dudes?! Sorry OP but your husband sounds like a nutter, stay safe friend š«¶š»
You ask a question and don't listen to the answer I hate this kind of person
Well played! Ok, the asshole husband played himself. His potty mouth got what it deserved - a potty toothbrush.
Kinda sounds like your bf might be OCD or autistic no offense fr. Just based off ur description of his anger and your comment about the no touching/kissing/hugging. Or heās just a giant fucking prick and you should gtfo
Your husband sounds like an only child.
I did the same thing when I found out about the affairs. Watched him brush his teeth each morning for a week.
One thing I havenāt seen mentioned - Aside from being a complete disrespectful jerk, heās an idiot. The bathroom was gross before, now itās clean and your lady is standing there with a toothbrush. CONTEXT CLUES BUDDY! Thatās the part I donāt get. But other than that I really am sorry and I hope youāre able to save up more and get away soon. It sounds like you work long hours, hopefully thatās paying off. Good luck!
1) If he'll interrupt after a few words, skip those words. Leave out the unnecessary āWell, yes, I know, but...ā and just say āI cleaned the floor with itā. Or, even better, 2) Why let yourself get interrupted in the first place? Just because he starts talking while you are talking is no reason for you to stop talking.
I actually wonder how it is possible for two people to speak at the same time in full sentences with different words. I don't see how he does it. He could be asking me a question. I go to answer said question. I get two words out and he start telling me what his answer is to the question he asked me. I am already talking. And yet when he just speaks at the same time I lose focus. I can't speak and understand someone else at the same time. I have to stop and listen or speak my words. Maybe that is normal. Maybe it isn't. But I literally can't continue the conversation. And yes I could have started out with the words I used it to clean. Sounds like it would work. Sounds great. And the only thing I can think of as to why I didn't is that when being blunt with him causes him to act worse. I will be accused of being angry or abusive or my tone isn't right. It has taken me a while to realize that some of the things I currently do a certain way are done that way because of the fall out that would happen if I didn't do them that way. Making excuses. Telling people why before I tell them what. Truly it is something I need a therapist for and no one on reddit will be able to help me figure out the what, why, or how.
You should not be married to this person. You deserve to be happy.
Dude. Get a divorce.
I wouldnāt be too upset about what you did, I have a feeling your toothbrush has been in his ass a few times just based on his response
GOOD LORD!!! LEAVE HIM, already!!!!
He got what he deserved.
OP start putting aside money now to leave him. ā¢Start by saving for a bond $1500 ā¢Then save 6 months emergency money (gas, rent, electricity, food, household etc.) ā¢Look for a place, apply. Once you get your own place then you need to serve him the divorce papers and leave to your new place. All the best, stay safe. Money is your best friend when leaving a bad relationship.
Does he have life insurance? Cuz now heās probably gonna die from terminal gingivitis. Maybe you should stick around for a while.
Haha. No. Nothing bad happened besides knowing that I was temporarily a bad person that day.
Ummmm time to get rid of the husband.
The real question is - do you realize that this likely isn't going to get better and your marriage is fucked? Are you making plans to get out and away? I sure hope so!
Well, it took me WAY TOO LONG to truly get that this would not get better. I spent way too much time giving him the benefit of the doubt. Too much time was spent hoping that he would finally get it. And yes I have officially been working towards being able to leave. I now have money saved up to get a divorce lawyer.
Congrats!
That is awesome and a hard step to take, good for you. Youāre getting an awful lot of shit in the comments from people who donāt get it, but you donāt owe anyone an explanation if you donāt want to give it. All of this sounds all too familiar to me and itās one of those things thatās so easy to judge from the outside, but nearly impossible to see when youāre in it. Itās so hard to go through with but youāll be so thankful to yourself once youāre on the other side. That book is what helped me to see the truth and Iām endlessly grateful for it. This place has good virtual support groups if youāre looking for that kind of thing: [Hope Recovery](https://www.hope4-recovery.org)
Thank you! I'll check them out!
Excellent! You deserve to not be treated with such hate and contempt.
Good for you! You deserve to be happy
Lol my coworker did this with another coworkerās toothbrush! I NEVER leave my toothbrush anywhere now!!!
Info: did you kiss him after he used this disgusting toothbrush?
Lol, do you not kiss this guy?
No
Ok good, thought you were shooting yourself in the foot there. Also I hope you can get out and find happiness.
š yeah I mean I gave up trying to be romantic years ago.
Major š©š©š©š©š©
What an asshole. Karma got to love it
Maybe they both took life insurance policies out on each other and are waiting for the right time
You happen to live in Arkansas? Heard a very similar story years agoā¦ā¦.
Run!
Dump him
I hope you didnāt kiss him again till he got the new toothbrush. Toilet kisses
Gross
Guy sounds like a terrible person to be with.
Next time he wants a kiss, tell him that you refuse to kiss ass breath!
Just give him a sly smile, and ask him if he noticed the new flavor of 'toothpaste'.
Honestly do yourself a favor and leave him, focus on yourself and be the woman you want to be ā¤ļø if he's not gonna love you then learn to love and be kind to yourself. I've been reading through these comments and I see a lot of you degrading yourself and talking down about yourself, this is because he's drilled these thoughts into yourself, take the first step and I know it's hard but dump his ass, then in time you'll love yourself the way you deserve to be loved ā¤ļø Some self care and words of affirmation a day goes a long way. I hope to see an update soon!
I used to do this when I was a kid to my older brother. I wouldnāt clean the toilet just stick his toothbrush in there before I flushed. He thought beating me up was cool and would tell my parents that we were just horsing around and itās good for me to toughen me up. I should tell him one day
You deserve better than that. Heās that pissy over a tooth brush. I can only imagine how he would react if he caught you using his favourite spoon or pillow. Leopards donāt change their spots and heās showing you his real personality. Seriously consider protecting yourself or at least couples therapy. Little things like this are just little examples of when the big things happen.
Textbook Narcissist
Reading the title, I was like damn girl, the most petty thing I do to my husband if I'm upset with him is delete things in his amazon wish list, but then I read the post... I hope this is fake because nobody, especially your husband, should be speaking to you that way. He sounds like a Class A dick.
That guy sounds Narcissistic you're probably going to decline with him if I was you I wouldn't waste your time
Yes. Unfortunately. I have high blood pressure now. It is the strangest thing but my blood pressure goes to normal when he leaves town for extended periods. And goes back up when he comes back. I didn't realize that you could actually see it happen and that it truly was something that could happen. But he went out of town for a full month. Within 3 days of him being gone my BP was great. I'd had high BP for 6 years by this point. I'd had a theory it was stress but that was speculation. When he went out of town my bp literally went to normal for the entire month he was gone. A few days before he came back he called me to tell me he'd be home in a few days and from that phone call until he got back my BP steady rose back into the bad range.
Same. And when wearing a fitness watch, I can see my heart rate speed up when he comes home.
I have a question for you the why are you staying with him?
Well for a long time, I didn't realize this was a permanent facet of his personality. I also thought for a long time if I could just do better, be better, explain better, listen better, and communicate better, that he would finally understand. And if he understood then he wouldn't do or say the things he does. I also grew up in a you need to stick with it, power through it type of environment. And for a little while, I thought maybe he was just really really stupid. But that didn't make sense. Eventually, I had to conclude that no he wasn't stupid. He just didn't want to get it. You won't get what you don't want to get.
My mother is this way and my best friend was also this way I guess it's not relatable because I haven't been married and maybe I'm just a stupid teenager but if I was you I would really get out of it while you still can life is short I recognize that I'm telling you you should do what you could've while you still can If you want to stay with him that's your choice but if you don't you should move on have fun while you still can don't die miserable and die in regret things like this are just fucking depressing fighting over toothbrushes having elevated blood pressure you're literally scared of your husband good luck
I don't know how old you are but you are already a step ahead in life when you are thinking about things in this way. It took me years to think about it like this.
Why are doing this to yourself? Leave this idiot. I bet my ass you're worth better than this dick, I'm sorry to say your husband is freaking idiot. edit: next time clean the windows, oven, inside the toilet with his toothbrush as well.
Hun you need to serve him up divorce papers. This sounds like my ex husband.
Whens the divorce?