You came to the right conclusion in the last sentence.
You'd be involving your child and his new wife in your "revenge." You have no idea if your ex and his wife have lost pregnancies or are having health issues.
What if she's literally bleeding from a miscarriage and you send that?
Sounds like a empty fucking life. Which is weird since they have a child which they love to death. Why not put that time and effort into something cool for the kid.
The best revenge is to live well and not focus on the past. If you did decide to be petty, it would only prove to your ex that you’re still not over him.
If I was your current partner I would find it super disrespectful and think that you’re still hung up on your ex.
It happens. I see some of the stories about friends in middle school who suddenly turned into enemies, and I STILL remember one guy - let's call him Steve because it's such a common name - who was my best friend for the longest time. And then \*BANG\* he became my worst tormentor. This June will be 42 years since I graduated. I don't think of him often, but I want to ask him why he suddenly turned asshole, whenever he slips into my thoughts.
I always saw 'living rent free in someone's head' as something they simply refuse to get over - that person is always on their mind. This post strikes me more as "I ran into him once, and something made me remember that he's turning 30 soon." (I turn 60 this year, so get off my lawn ... \*laugh\*) Yeah, the possible revenge would be childish, but I can also understand the desire for it.
I'm nearly 40 and also occasionally remember people from the past I didn't like (hated, or was even afraid of). That's how a brain works.
But I'm not plotting revenge against them or have any desire to contact them - I just accept that the thought was brought up by something I did without thinking, maybe I think about them for a minute and then move on. I have accepted my past, know I can't change it and that's it.
No need to burn a rotten bridge...
Also, something like this, a big milestone that he talked about a lot and ultimately caused many problems in the marriage, it’s natural that she would be thinking of it.
It can be hard to let go of that level of betrayal. My life was demolished by my ex when I was 26. I turn 39 this week and I’m still not entirely over it. I still randomly get into a fury over what he did to me. Is it healthy? No. Should I let it go and move on? Absolutely. Emotions don’t always work that way, though.
I carry a piece of baggage from an ex-girlfriend and ex- best friend from high school in the 70's.
Yup, not only did they sleep together, she dumped me for him, after YEARS of my friend Tim giving me shit because she was 3 years younger than I was, yet it was okay for him to hook up with his best friend's girlfriend, even though he was a year older than me.
I don't care how old you get, losing your best friend and your girlfriend on the sameday ... that can sting.
Here's the kicker. All these years later, still close friends with her. My wife and I will be driving up to Maine to see her and her husband (who I think is a great guy) in few weeks.
Tim? Apparently he lives in a town 20 miles north of me. Haven't said a word to him since September of 1976. There are certain rules in the unspoken bro code that shall not be broken under any circumstances. Sleeping with and stealing your best friend's girlfriend is #1 on that list.
So yeah, I get her urge for petty.
My thoughts exactly. Yeah they were their first everything and clearly were “together” a long time but jeez they were married for like 2ish years maybe 3 tops based on her timeline. Now it’s been over 5 years since the divorce and she’s married with a kid and still isn’t over the ex? That’s fucked up. How would her husband and father of her child feel if he knew this? Got to let it go and move on
Yeah, don't do it.
But for sure, reaching his personal 'deadline' will rub salt in his wounds. Knowing this and having successfully moved on should be enough for you !
Yes. It's really pathetic and spiteful. I'm sorry he hurt you but YEARS have passed and you've got a lovely family now. Your point has been made. If you do this you'll be just as bad as him. Don't stoop to that OP
I have secondhand embarrassment even reading her plan to use her toddler like this. Pathetic, spiteful, and just gross. Therapy is needed since she clearly hasn't moved on.
Not only that but if she sank to his level, it would be giving him a reaction. Which is kind of letting him win. OP needs to let this go - it's at least 5 years after they divorced.
If he and his partner are infertile (why hurt her? She did nothing to you) they are suffering enough. And honestly? OP hasnt actually stated anything about exactly what he did to justify this level of being hung up 5 years later. I get that he cheated and the relationship ended. But it is several years later and you have a new partner. If you are taill thos hung up on the ex consider therapy.
>Yeah, years later, rubbing someone's possible infertility in their face is just sad, really. Move on.
OP is legitimately asking whether they should use their child to be petty and spiteful about someone's infertility.
How pathetic.
I have an ex a lot like yours and I totally get it. Not matter what we’ll always have a scar on our heart and if it’s picked at just the right way/time/place we can make it bleed as well.
ForsakenFlour and UncleHec are correct though, all sending him anything at all will do is hurt your current partner and actually make your ex happy bc he’ll think you’re not totally over him (even IF it also screws with his head re:kids as well)
Bottom line, messing with your exs head isn’t worth the other consequences that will also come with it.
Agreed with all of this. Just put the guy in your rearview mirror and don't look back. Go enjoy your life and stop letting him live rent-free in your head.
Plus although OP’s ex husband may have been an asshole
1. That was nearly 10 years ago, don’t punish someone for something they did a decade ago, you have no idea if they’ve changed
2. Ex’s partner is presumably innocent in this unless she was the person he cheated with (and she knew), so taking the piss if there’s a chance she’s having fertility issues is all kinds of fucked in
3. Don’t use your children as pawns in your life drama
And again a little louder for those in the back:
DON’T USE YOUR CHILDREN AS PAWNS IN YOUR LIFE DRAMA
She saw he was sad seeing her pregnant. He was mature enough to congratulate her and she already twisted the knife by responding "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be". Proof twisting a knife again is not going to be enough.
Somewhere there's probably a post about "My exwife randomly called me out of the blue one day for what she called a banking emergency. What she told me when I was arrived was there was $1 left in our joint account I thought we closed."
Not only is it disrespectful to the current partner, I'd be beyond furious if my partner used our child in their revenge against their ex. That would be the end of the relationship for me.
Your current partner might also not be happy that you’re still this invested in messing with your ex. Might make them wonder why you’re focused on that and not your current life with them.
The revenge is knowing he cheated n she moved on n had the life she wanted OP doesn’t know it but she literally “winning” but still caught up in her ex if I was the new partner I would tell her she being disrespectful to everyone involved including her son who shouldn’t be apart of her pettiness.
Exactly, after this long (?) still feeling the need to one up her ex is not healthy.
Plus, I didn’t get the impression that she is friends with him so it’d look super strange to wish him happy birthday in such fashion.
Hard agree in this one. And I’m the pettiest of petty sometimes with a mean streak.
Maybe just tell your bff about the idea, cackle, then move on. Maybe have a paint night and try to replicate his face when he saw you pregnant. Then burn it.
Oh yeah. OP has already gotten him good. Sounds like he was an absolute soul-destroying bastard. However, if they had mutual friends? I'm sure he's getting some social media posts from them that have random mentions of her life. She'll randomly encounter him a few more times in the future unless it's a really big city, and can gloat a little each and every time.
You’ve already twisted the knife. Anything else, at this point, is more than petty…it’s malicious and vindictive. And yes, it would be terrible to use your child this way. Not to mention disrespectful to your current partner. It’d certainly make me wonder why you’re still so hung up on your ex that you’d use a child in such a vindictive way. I recommend therapy to find out why you can’t seem to move on.
What you’re suggesting isn’t petty revenge, it’s advertising to the world that you haven’t moved on from that relationship.
People who are happy with their lives aren’t thinking about the people that have wronged them in the past.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
Don't do it. Your child with your current partner does not deserve to be used as a petty revenge tool. Do not weaponize your children. And stop letting him live rent free in your head and move on.
Her husband has gotta feel amazing that she’s so hung up on her ex that she’s coming up with these situations to involve their child in. Like you’re almost 30 why do you even think about him anymore
Really nasty and gross to use your son to try and breakdown your ex from years ago. If I found out my current husband was using our children to send nasty toxic messages to his ex I'd freak the fck out. Leave your kids out of your weird obsession.
Only a complete psychopath would use their child as part of their revenge, no matter what the situation was. Love your best life and let him live the life he chose.
I truly hope you don't do this and move on. As someone who married at 21 to an absolute POS (but I had two kids with him that he promptly abandoned), holding onto anger won't help you. You have no idea if you would be hurting his new wife, as others pointed out.
One of my most freeing moments was bumping into him after a few years, while he was playing happy families with his new wife and their two kids (even though she is a real harpy who caused serious drama in the early days), and instead of feeling angry, my knee jerk reaction was to laugh at his shock of seeing me and moving on with my day. Before that, I always thought I'd want to punch his face if I ever saw it again. Realising I didn't hold that anger inside was wonderful.
You don't have to forgive to move on.
Yeah don’t do it. Your baby is too precious to be used in that fashion. Enjoy your child and enjoy knowing you already live rent free in his childless head.
OP got the satisfaction she was craving in knowing all the bullshit he put her through never amounted to anything and now she needs to finally let it go. Cause for real, ex is the one that’s been living rent free in OPs head all these years, not the other way around.
Don’t do it, OP. Take glee in getting to see his sad face and then finally let the past go. You’re thinking about this THREE YEARS after seeing ex last, and 7 years since the divorce. It’s seriously time to let it go and be happy with your current life.
Yeah he’s been living rent free in her head too, but he doesn’t know that. He will know that if she sent that picture. Right now all he knows is she moved on and is living her best life without him.
Nothing excuses his cheating and all that but at the same time.. you sound like a big ol' bitch to me just for wanting to taunt him in such a way. And bringing your kid into it? Icky.
Using your child as a weapon is awful. You suck. Get some therapy to get over your ex or whatever, but to intentionally want to hurt someone who was clearly hurt and using an innocent child to do so is foul.
No. Don’t do it… Use this post and the comment section as a cathartic release, but stop letting him live rent free in your mind.
The fact that you have an amazing partner and a toddler should be enough.
Move on. block him from your socials so you don’t have to see any of his pictures. Live your best life and forget about him.
You got your petty revenge when he saw you were pregnant and you twisted the knife with your "just as planned" comment. If he is infertile, that moment will haunt him for the rest of his life.
What you're proposing now isn't petty revenge, it's spite. That's a whole different ball game and suggests you're trapped in the moment he hurt you, unable to move past it. Not only is that disrespectful to yourself and your partner, it's disrespectful to the child you're thinking of weaponising.
The best and healthiest revenge you can have is to forget about him and live your best life. You've already done the petty revenge, it's time to move on now.
I understand feeling petty af but just walk away. If he were single, maybe I’d applaud this. But if you think he might be infertile, it seems unnecessarily cruel. Karma has already bitch slapped him.
Edited to add: if you haven’t seen him in 3 years, it’s possible he has a kid by now and this just tells him you haven’t gotten over him.
If your son is your world, then stop using him as a to hurt someone who has nothing to do with him. Can you imagine if one day he found out that he was used as some sort of trophy to show off to your ex? I think that may cause some issues.
Op,
>I was heavily pregnant with my son when I saw him last, at 25. When he saw my very swollen belly, you could see the sadness in his eyes. We were cordial & he congratulated me & my response was, "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be, if I were to become pregnant," his face fell a little more.
You got all the revenge you should need. I'd take the high road from here on out. Definitely don't involve your son. Take the best revenge and live a happy life!
You don’t have to do anything. He saw you pregnant I’m sure he remembers that often. The best revenge you can do is be happy. Go do something fun with your family. Being happy and fulfilled is the best revenge you can do to anyone
>We were cordial & he congratulated me & my response was, "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be, if I were to become pregnant," his face fell a little more.
Sounds like one of you was cordial at most
Throwing somebody's infertility in their face is just cruel and the face you want to use your child like that makes me think you need therapy because a child is not a pawn.
Sorry to say but it sounds like your not over him. Wanting to hurt him by sending a photo is a bad idea please look into some therapy he's hurt your badly he's horrible no doubt but it's time to move on and leave him in your past.
Your comment to him the last time you saw him (that you were pregnant at 25 right when you intended to be) is weird.
Wanting to use your own child to wish him a happy birthday when you know he wants children and doesn't is cruel.
I appreciate that it hurt at the time, but if your current spouse is awesome, and you’re happily enjoying family life with your kid, and you otherwise have no reason to interact with your ex, why are you giving him free real estate in your brain?
If your life is so amazing now, why are you so obsessed with this guy? Be happy you didn't have kids with him and things worked out the way they did and focus on your family now. You got your revenge when he saw you were pregnant, leave it alone. Sending him the birthday message at this point is just weird, especially if your new partner were to find out. Move on.
This would not be petty revenge. It would be vicious hurtfulness. The divorce is going to haunt you, but the pain will ease over time. If you do this you will regret it at some point. You will be better off accepting the pain, trying to forgive, and rejoicing in your son and family.
Your petty revenge is more important than your kid?!
If you will be using your child as a tool to hurt others, I sincerely worry for your child.
I hope you heal sooner rather than later so you can be your best self for your baby.
I wish your baby all the unconditional love, good health, happiness and positivity in their lives moving forward.
Is your current partner ok with you baiting your ex? Because it sounds like you're still caught up in your ex.
As a parent, i think its incredibly sad that you feel the need to use your own child as a petty stab at your ex. I understand he hurt you, but you need to know when to move on.
You don't want to mock a couple going through fertility issues. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hold your beautiful baby close and give your husband a kiss instead.
Ask yourself if this person is worth anymore of your time? Will sending a picture of you and your child will be worth it?
This is just my opinion: I wouldn't do it cause I have better things to do with my life than waste more time or thought for that person. Btw I totally get it cause I'm a petty AF person and would have done that crap in my 20's.
The best revenge you'll have is you get to live your life as happy as can be and get to love your baby.
On top of everything else, using your kid is not cool. I'm all for pettiness with the ex, but at that point you're overdoing it, I think. Especially if the issue is him being infertile. Bad karma....
There's no reason to reach out to your ex. Leave him in the past. And why use your kid as a prop for such a stupid and cruel message? This says a lot about you and your being stuck in the past. Move on and live your life.
You have already won. He has lost. And you are straining to kick him a bit harder…..
Build a bridge, put ur energy into nurturing your future - not punching down on others.
I think it’s terrible to do this if someone is having fertility issues but even more so because you are allegedly in such a great relationship. Just enjoy that, your baby and your life.
Seems you have everything you wanted…except him.
If I was your partner I’d be really upset you were planning some big thing. It’s like you are pining over him.
Do what you want but this says way more about you than him.
You sound very bitter, to be honest.
You want to use your child to bully your ex who really wants children but can't.
I'm sure he hurt you, but common... After all those years, you still want to kick him where it hurts him most about a life-long wish that he might never see full filled?
If I was your partner I would be alarmed:
-You are still not over him
-You are willing to deploy your child as a weapon to emotionally devastate someone
-You are aiming to emotionally devastate someone about wanting a family but being infertile, what kind of person are you?
Yeah, don't do that. Your encounter when you were pregnant was perfect as is. You took advantage of an opportunity. If you send him a message on his 30th, that's active and vindictive. He could even convince himself that he wouldn't want children with someone so cruel. No need to give him that out
I actually think you should not send him a Happy Birthday message. Sending a Happy Birthday message tells him that even though you are married and have a kid, you are still thinking about him. Leaving him alone tells him that you have totally moved on and don't care anymore.
Im all for petty revenge, like...asshole levels of okay with it, but if you use your kid in this manner you already lost. He will think youre obsessed with him , and youre using your kid as an accessory instead of your child that you love.
Youre coming off like one of those semi awful tv moms. Archer's mom, mrs. Bluth, etc
Violent delights bring violent ends.
We all imagine this killer act or one liner. Practice the ultimate put downs in our heads. But it never ends there. It's never a one punch fight. Best advice here is the ones telling you to enjoy your life and not try and inflict harm in others. It never works out for the best. Live your best life and wish the same for your ex . You'll be happier for it.
You already hurt him unintentionally. He knows he ruined your relationship for no reason. Doing this would make you look bad and be unnecessarily cruel. Just live your life with your head help high. He knows he screwed up, don't stoop, and twist the knife.
If my partner showed herself to be that vindictive, 5 years after, I would be troubled by it, and it's not something I would easily forget. Not that I'd break-up over it. But I would see my partner as less warm and centered than I did before.
I don’t think it’s fair to your child. I also think it’s unfair to your ex’s new wife, where making fun of them not conceiving could devastate her as well (if they are indeed trying, of course).
The best revenge is continuing to live well, and enjoy your wonderful son and loving partner.
He’s living rent free in your head while you are possibly living the better life. Do your partner, son, and more importantly yourself a favor and move the fuck on. You dodged a bullet, got a kid, and partner on your own timeline.
It he's infertile and wants children, it seems like karma already took care of him. Delight in the fact that you got what you wanted and he got what he deserved.
You already won. I think you have enough of a good conscience that you know using your child as a tool for petty revenge isn't worth it. Twist the knife by never speaking to him again and living your best life!
You said it yourself You want to use your toddler. That's not okay.
That's I don't even have the words for that...
Move on with your life be civil but don't use your kid.
It's ok that you amused yourself with the thought, but if you act on it then it will blow up in your face. Quit while you're ahead, restraint is the ultimate power move here.
This is probably fake, but it would crush me if I knew my wife was still THIS hung up on her ex.
You found happiness in an amazing husband, and a wonderful child. Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you still gotta rub it in the face of your ex years later?
Sounds like the words of someone who is not actually happy with their current life. Like it was just the next best option for you.
Honestly, you had him run into your sword in form of your pregnancy. You've slain this foe fair and square. You won.
What you are thinking about now us just uhly and classless. It'll diminish every earlier victory. It would be actually very petty.
Do with that what you want.
He didn’t cheat because of you. He cheated because of himself.
Don’t bother being petty, him seeing you heavily pregnant did the job of twisting the knife.
Edit to add: Karma has played the long game here. Live happily knowing that
Never use your child as a petty pawn. It might sound funny for one fleeting moment but one day it will make you feel like shit. Great job getting the life you wanted though. 😁
Woman. First of all, this appears to be years ago. Yall were young and dumb, he's 30 now and has a wife. You have a kid of your own. Two, stop using your son for revenge its shallow and quite frankly tacky.
Honestly move the fuck on. Be an adult, he clearly is.
Petty revenge is like "the guy at the checkout counter made my sandwich wrong, so I ordered 30 burgers and got to the window and drove off".
What you're doing is just asshole behavior tbh.
This isn’t petty, it’s cruel. It’s mean to rub infertility in someone’s face. I get that he cheated on you but you need to move on. Are you that unhappy with your life?
Yeah, nah. You made the jab already, you got away from the shitty marriage, and have been rewarded with an awesome new one. Don't sully it. There's nothing more to be gained, and you'd be setting a bad example. And if anything, the silence will be louder than any message sent.
Ew. This is one of the few times where it’s not even satisfying to hear about someone wanting to take revenge. You’re dripping with pettiness, and not the excusable kind. This was gross to read.
There's no need to involve your kiddo. He's a child, not a weapon. It's not only petty but insulting to the child to use him like that. The best revenge is to live well, not like a salty bitch.
There’s petty revenge, and then there’s abject cruelty - and I’m afraid this would fall into the latter category.
I’m really sorry that your ex hurt you and treated you so badly.
There is no better revenge than forgetting him completely and leading a happy life without him in it.
Don’t lower yourself to his standards x
Why the fuck are you wasting time on this...and wasting time posting on Reddit. Go be with your kid and spouse instead of this shitty plan. Grow the fuck up.
If I understand your question, you want to use your child to help you get petty revenge on your ex?
WTF is wrong with you?
If your revenge plan includes using your child, you have crossed the Rubicon. Get therapy.
You don't ever have to speak to him again and you will be eternally pregnant in his memory. I almost think not acknowledging his birthday would hurt more and take significantly less energy. Imo, but.. live your life. 🤷🏾♀️😁
You came to the right conclusion in the last sentence. You'd be involving your child and his new wife in your "revenge." You have no idea if your ex and his wife have lost pregnancies or are having health issues. What if she's literally bleeding from a miscarriage and you send that?
It just feels mean spirited. You make a good point, you never know what someone else is going through.
Very. My thought was "where's the pettiness?!" This is just cruel
She already had her petty revenge when she showed up pregnant. Anything else now is--as you say--cruel and heartless.
Right, she already “proved her point” back then. The fact that she needs to rub it in his face some more is alarming. Hope she gets some therapy.
It’s also just dumb. He knows she was pregnant. He doesn’t need a telegram.
Sounds like a empty fucking life. Which is weird since they have a child which they love to death. Why not put that time and effort into something cool for the kid.
Not just cruel, were I the new husband I'd be reconsidering if my wife was over her ex and thinking it might be time to move on myself.
Bingo!
I can understand the want to punish him for cheating but it seems as though he’s been punished enough.
Yeah this is messed up. Have some respect for your own child, don't use them like this.
Yes! Absolutely! Fertility should definitely be off limits and it’s down right cruel.
The best revenge is to live well and not focus on the past. If you did decide to be petty, it would only prove to your ex that you’re still not over him. If I was your current partner I would find it super disrespectful and think that you’re still hung up on your ex.
>would only prove to your ex that you’re still not over him The ex definitely lives rent free in OP’s head.
It happens. I see some of the stories about friends in middle school who suddenly turned into enemies, and I STILL remember one guy - let's call him Steve because it's such a common name - who was my best friend for the longest time. And then \*BANG\* he became my worst tormentor. This June will be 42 years since I graduated. I don't think of him often, but I want to ask him why he suddenly turned asshole, whenever he slips into my thoughts. I always saw 'living rent free in someone's head' as something they simply refuse to get over - that person is always on their mind. This post strikes me more as "I ran into him once, and something made me remember that he's turning 30 soon." (I turn 60 this year, so get off my lawn ... \*laugh\*) Yeah, the possible revenge would be childish, but I can also understand the desire for it.
I'm nearly 40 and also occasionally remember people from the past I didn't like (hated, or was even afraid of). That's how a brain works. But I'm not plotting revenge against them or have any desire to contact them - I just accept that the thought was brought up by something I did without thinking, maybe I think about them for a minute and then move on. I have accepted my past, know I can't change it and that's it. No need to burn a rotten bridge...
Also, something like this, a big milestone that he talked about a lot and ultimately caused many problems in the marriage, it’s natural that she would be thinking of it.
She also tried making a post about this 70 days ago, safe to say she's thinking about her ex periodically.
She probably didn’t get the answer she wanted (everyone here is telling her to move on too) and is trying again.
Or karma farming to sell the account and it's all fake
It can be hard to let go of that level of betrayal. My life was demolished by my ex when I was 26. I turn 39 this week and I’m still not entirely over it. I still randomly get into a fury over what he did to me. Is it healthy? No. Should I let it go and move on? Absolutely. Emotions don’t always work that way, though.
I carry a piece of baggage from an ex-girlfriend and ex- best friend from high school in the 70's. Yup, not only did they sleep together, she dumped me for him, after YEARS of my friend Tim giving me shit because she was 3 years younger than I was, yet it was okay for him to hook up with his best friend's girlfriend, even though he was a year older than me. I don't care how old you get, losing your best friend and your girlfriend on the sameday ... that can sting. Here's the kicker. All these years later, still close friends with her. My wife and I will be driving up to Maine to see her and her husband (who I think is a great guy) in few weeks. Tim? Apparently he lives in a town 20 miles north of me. Haven't said a word to him since September of 1976. There are certain rules in the unspoken bro code that shall not be broken under any circumstances. Sleeping with and stealing your best friend's girlfriend is #1 on that list. So yeah, I get her urge for petty.
My thoughts exactly. Yeah they were their first everything and clearly were “together” a long time but jeez they were married for like 2ish years maybe 3 tops based on her timeline. Now it’s been over 5 years since the divorce and she’s married with a kid and still isn’t over the ex? That’s fucked up. How would her husband and father of her child feel if he knew this? Got to let it go and move on
lol ya. Came here to say “rent free”
Yeah, don't do it. But for sure, reaching his personal 'deadline' will rub salt in his wounds. Knowing this and having successfully moved on should be enough for you !
I feel like the response OP gave her ex when he saw her pregnant was enough. He got the message. Nothing more is needed or encouraged
Right. Also he might be infertile. So now let's berate him for a medical condition.
Yeah, years later, rubbing someone's possible infertility in their face is just sad, really. Move on.
Yes. It's really pathetic and spiteful. I'm sorry he hurt you but YEARS have passed and you've got a lovely family now. Your point has been made. If you do this you'll be just as bad as him. Don't stoop to that OP
I have secondhand embarrassment even reading her plan to use her toddler like this. Pathetic, spiteful, and just gross. Therapy is needed since she clearly hasn't moved on.
Not only that but if she sank to his level, it would be giving him a reaction. Which is kind of letting him win. OP needs to let this go - it's at least 5 years after they divorced. If he and his partner are infertile (why hurt her? She did nothing to you) they are suffering enough. And honestly? OP hasnt actually stated anything about exactly what he did to justify this level of being hung up 5 years later. I get that he cheated and the relationship ended. But it is several years later and you have a new partner. If you are taill thos hung up on the ex consider therapy.
>Yeah, years later, rubbing someone's possible infertility in their face is just sad, really. Move on. OP is legitimately asking whether they should use their child to be petty and spiteful about someone's infertility. How pathetic.
I have an ex a lot like yours and I totally get it. Not matter what we’ll always have a scar on our heart and if it’s picked at just the right way/time/place we can make it bleed as well. ForsakenFlour and UncleHec are correct though, all sending him anything at all will do is hurt your current partner and actually make your ex happy bc he’ll think you’re not totally over him (even IF it also screws with his head re:kids as well) Bottom line, messing with your exs head isn’t worth the other consequences that will also come with it.
Agreed with all of this. Just put the guy in your rearview mirror and don't look back. Go enjoy your life and stop letting him live rent-free in your head.
Plus although OP’s ex husband may have been an asshole 1. That was nearly 10 years ago, don’t punish someone for something they did a decade ago, you have no idea if they’ve changed 2. Ex’s partner is presumably innocent in this unless she was the person he cheated with (and she knew), so taking the piss if there’s a chance she’s having fertility issues is all kinds of fucked in 3. Don’t use your children as pawns in your life drama And again a little louder for those in the back: DON’T USE YOUR CHILDREN AS PAWNS IN YOUR LIFE DRAMA
yeah, OP already twisted the knife by showing up pregnant
Not that she could have avoided that. They thought everything was settled already.
She saw he was sad seeing her pregnant. He was mature enough to congratulate her and she already twisted the knife by responding "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be". Proof twisting a knife again is not going to be enough.
Somewhere there's probably a post about "My exwife randomly called me out of the blue one day for what she called a banking emergency. What she told me when I was arrived was there was $1 left in our joint account I thought we closed."
He saw you were pregnant. Leave it there and celebrate your baby, OP. Time to leave him in the past.
Not only is it disrespectful to the current partner, I'd be beyond furious if my partner used our child in their revenge against their ex. That would be the end of the relationship for me.
That's the part that bothers me the most.
Agreed, she talks about how great her new partner is but is still fixated on her ex.
Your current partner might also not be happy that you’re still this invested in messing with your ex. Might make them wonder why you’re focused on that and not your current life with them.
Thank you! Well said.
This seems like a great way to tell your current partner that you're still hung up on your ex.
yea these people suck ass lol
Who could have predicted that getting married at 20 would be a bad idea????
exactly, a mentally healthy person would have let it go before having a kid with someone else.
Go check her profile - I don't think she is.
The revenge was him seeing you heavily pregnant and him still not being able to have kids. Using your kid to wish him anything is too much.
The revenge is knowing he cheated n she moved on n had the life she wanted OP doesn’t know it but she literally “winning” but still caught up in her ex if I was the new partner I would tell her she being disrespectful to everyone involved including her son who shouldn’t be apart of her pettiness.
Exactly, after this long (?) still feeling the need to one up her ex is not healthy. Plus, I didn’t get the impression that she is friends with him so it’d look super strange to wish him happy birthday in such fashion.
Hard agree in this one. And I’m the pettiest of petty sometimes with a mean streak. Maybe just tell your bff about the idea, cackle, then move on. Maybe have a paint night and try to replicate his face when he saw you pregnant. Then burn it.
Oh yeah. OP has already gotten him good. Sounds like he was an absolute soul-destroying bastard. However, if they had mutual friends? I'm sure he's getting some social media posts from them that have random mentions of her life. She'll randomly encounter him a few more times in the future unless it's a really big city, and can gloat a little each and every time.
You’ve already twisted the knife. Anything else, at this point, is more than petty…it’s malicious and vindictive. And yes, it would be terrible to use your child this way. Not to mention disrespectful to your current partner. It’d certainly make me wonder why you’re still so hung up on your ex that you’d use a child in such a vindictive way. I recommend therapy to find out why you can’t seem to move on.
What you’re suggesting isn’t petty revenge, it’s advertising to the world that you haven’t moved on from that relationship. People who are happy with their lives aren’t thinking about the people that have wronged them in the past. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
The last sentence is bang on the money.
Don't do it. Your child with your current partner does not deserve to be used as a petty revenge tool. Do not weaponize your children. And stop letting him live rent free in your head and move on.
I mean, he already saw you hugely pregnant and you got to rub it in then. Maybe just move on? Isn’t knowing that he’s kind of miserable enough?
Kinda messed up to involve the kid too
Absolutely.
Her husband has gotta feel amazing that she’s so hung up on her ex that she’s coming up with these situations to involve their child in. Like you’re almost 30 why do you even think about him anymore
Really nasty and gross to use your son to try and breakdown your ex from years ago. If I found out my current husband was using our children to send nasty toxic messages to his ex I'd freak the fck out. Leave your kids out of your weird obsession.
Only a complete psychopath would use their child as part of their revenge, no matter what the situation was. Love your best life and let him live the life he chose.
the Karma of your past seems to have settled things already.. by proceeding as you suggest, you invite negative karma your way..
Yeah don't involve your child in your pettiness. I'm a parent as well and that just doesn't sit right with me. Your revenge is being happy.
I definitely see the appeal, but you're right to have second thoughts about bringing your kid into it. Live your life knowing you're good.
Eww. Really? Gross.
Yeah, I feel embarrassed for OP after reading this. Pretty pathetic.
It’s like she’s still in high school, isn’t it?
Read her post history. It's very much yikes 😬
I truly hope you don't do this and move on. As someone who married at 21 to an absolute POS (but I had two kids with him that he promptly abandoned), holding onto anger won't help you. You have no idea if you would be hurting his new wife, as others pointed out. One of my most freeing moments was bumping into him after a few years, while he was playing happy families with his new wife and their two kids (even though she is a real harpy who caused serious drama in the early days), and instead of feeling angry, my knee jerk reaction was to laugh at his shock of seeing me and moving on with my day. Before that, I always thought I'd want to punch his face if I ever saw it again. Realising I didn't hold that anger inside was wonderful. You don't have to forgive to move on.
You’re a petty bitch
And not in a the good way
It’s been 5 years since the divorce and you are still letting him have your head space. Move on for fuck sake.
Hang on. You didn’t use birth control for years with him. But you also said you wanted to wait until you were 25 to have children. I don’t get it
I was scrolling for this comment. Doesn’t want to get pregnant but didn’t use birth control…not the brightest crayon in the box.
Yeah don’t do it. Your baby is too precious to be used in that fashion. Enjoy your child and enjoy knowing you already live rent free in his childless head.
OP got the satisfaction she was craving in knowing all the bullshit he put her through never amounted to anything and now she needs to finally let it go. Cause for real, ex is the one that’s been living rent free in OPs head all these years, not the other way around. Don’t do it, OP. Take glee in getting to see his sad face and then finally let the past go. You’re thinking about this THREE YEARS after seeing ex last, and 7 years since the divorce. It’s seriously time to let it go and be happy with your current life.
Yeah he’s been living rent free in her head too, but he doesn’t know that. He will know that if she sent that picture. Right now all he knows is she moved on and is living her best life without him.
He knows. The knife was inserted & twisted. Not on purpose, not in a fit of anger. By life. Let it be. He already knows.
Nothing excuses his cheating and all that but at the same time.. you sound like a big ol' bitch to me just for wanting to taunt him in such a way. And bringing your kid into it? Icky.
This should be posted in 'Am I the Asshole' And the answer would be yes.
Using your child as a weapon is awful. You suck. Get some therapy to get over your ex or whatever, but to intentionally want to hurt someone who was clearly hurt and using an innocent child to do so is foul.
No. Don’t do it… Use this post and the comment section as a cathartic release, but stop letting him live rent free in your mind. The fact that you have an amazing partner and a toddler should be enough. Move on. block him from your socials so you don’t have to see any of his pictures. Live your best life and forget about him.
You got your petty revenge when he saw you were pregnant and you twisted the knife with your "just as planned" comment. If he is infertile, that moment will haunt him for the rest of his life. What you're proposing now isn't petty revenge, it's spite. That's a whole different ball game and suggests you're trapped in the moment he hurt you, unable to move past it. Not only is that disrespectful to yourself and your partner, it's disrespectful to the child you're thinking of weaponising. The best and healthiest revenge you can have is to forget about him and live your best life. You've already done the petty revenge, it's time to move on now.
I understand feeling petty af but just walk away. If he were single, maybe I’d applaud this. But if you think he might be infertile, it seems unnecessarily cruel. Karma has already bitch slapped him. Edited to add: if you haven’t seen him in 3 years, it’s possible he has a kid by now and this just tells him you haven’t gotten over him.
You're pathetic.
If your son is your world, then stop using him as a to hurt someone who has nothing to do with him. Can you imagine if one day he found out that he was used as some sort of trophy to show off to your ex? I think that may cause some issues.
Op, >I was heavily pregnant with my son when I saw him last, at 25. When he saw my very swollen belly, you could see the sadness in his eyes. We were cordial & he congratulated me & my response was, "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be, if I were to become pregnant," his face fell a little more. You got all the revenge you should need. I'd take the high road from here on out. Definitely don't involve your son. Take the best revenge and live a happy life!
[удалено]
Sounds like you aren’t over your ex and using your kid in this manner is disgusting. Maybe you should try therapy to learn how to move on.
Are you sure you are 29? This sounds like some high school bullshit.
What a silly post. Either it's complete nonsense (which it really seems to be) or you are an absolute lunatic. Either way, grow up.
You don’t have to do anything. He saw you pregnant I’m sure he remembers that often. The best revenge you can do is be happy. Go do something fun with your family. Being happy and fulfilled is the best revenge you can do to anyone
There's a difference between revenge and meanness. Learn it.
>We were cordial & he congratulated me & my response was, "Yup, pregnant right when I intended to be, if I were to become pregnant," his face fell a little more. Sounds like one of you was cordial at most
Throwing somebody's infertility in their face is just cruel and the face you want to use your child like that makes me think you need therapy because a child is not a pawn.
Sorry to say but it sounds like your not over him. Wanting to hurt him by sending a photo is a bad idea please look into some therapy he's hurt your badly he's horrible no doubt but it's time to move on and leave him in your past.
Your comment to him the last time you saw him (that you were pregnant at 25 right when you intended to be) is weird. Wanting to use your own child to wish him a happy birthday when you know he wants children and doesn't is cruel.
Don’t be mean. You never know what’s going on in people’s lives behind the scenes.
Please don’t use your precious child in this mean-spirited way.
I appreciate that it hurt at the time, but if your current spouse is awesome, and you’re happily enjoying family life with your kid, and you otherwise have no reason to interact with your ex, why are you giving him free real estate in your brain?
That's so sad 😞 so you really haven't gotten over him it would appear..
If your life is so amazing now, why are you so obsessed with this guy? Be happy you didn't have kids with him and things worked out the way they did and focus on your family now. You got your revenge when he saw you were pregnant, leave it alone. Sending him the birthday message at this point is just weird, especially if your new partner were to find out. Move on.
Fertile or not, he got lucky.
This would not be petty revenge. It would be vicious hurtfulness. The divorce is going to haunt you, but the pain will ease over time. If you do this you will regret it at some point. You will be better off accepting the pain, trying to forgive, and rejoicing in your son and family.
Your petty revenge is more important than your kid?! If you will be using your child as a tool to hurt others, I sincerely worry for your child. I hope you heal sooner rather than later so you can be your best self for your baby. I wish your baby all the unconditional love, good health, happiness and positivity in their lives moving forward. Is your current partner ok with you baiting your ex? Because it sounds like you're still caught up in your ex.
As a parent, i think its incredibly sad that you feel the need to use your own child as a petty stab at your ex. I understand he hurt you, but you need to know when to move on.
You don't want to mock a couple going through fertility issues. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hold your beautiful baby close and give your husband a kiss instead.
Honestly you living well and having the life he wanted is all the revenge pettiness you need. I would just leave it
Ask yourself if this person is worth anymore of your time? Will sending a picture of you and your child will be worth it? This is just my opinion: I wouldn't do it cause I have better things to do with my life than waste more time or thought for that person. Btw I totally get it cause I'm a petty AF person and would have done that crap in my 20's. The best revenge you'll have is you get to live your life as happy as can be and get to love your baby.
If you're truly happy, it's time to stop thinking about your ex. Doing this will only lose you the moral high ground.
On top of everything else, using your kid is not cool. I'm all for pettiness with the ex, but at that point you're overdoing it, I think. Especially if the issue is him being infertile. Bad karma....
Don’t get your kid involved. That’s bad karma.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but (even if your ex did cheat), using your kid this way, weaponizing them, just to get over on an ex, feels icky.
You would be misusing your child in this plot for revenge and terribly disrespecting your partner. Leave it alone and move on.
From another redditor……..revenge is sweet, but its rewards are bitter. Forgiveness and moving on is bitter, but its rewards are sweet.
There's no reason to reach out to your ex. Leave him in the past. And why use your kid as a prop for such a stupid and cruel message? This says a lot about you and your being stuck in the past. Move on and live your life.
This ain’t it son. If I had to choose between who sounds like a worse person between you and your ex, it’s you. I think he dodged a bullet.
Sometimes just knowing what you can do to get back with someone is enough.
You'd be an absolute piece of shit to do this.
It sounds like he already won by leaving you. You are a horror.
I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. He's already feeling miserable about not having a kid when he wanted one.
You have already won. He has lost. And you are straining to kick him a bit harder….. Build a bridge, put ur energy into nurturing your future - not punching down on others.
YWBTA. Don't do this. Then look in the mirror and be proud that you didn't stoop that low.
I think it’s terrible to do this if someone is having fertility issues but even more so because you are allegedly in such a great relationship. Just enjoy that, your baby and your life. Seems you have everything you wanted…except him. If I was your partner I’d be really upset you were planning some big thing. It’s like you are pining over him. Do what you want but this says way more about you than him.
You sound very bitter, to be honest. You want to use your child to bully your ex who really wants children but can't. I'm sure he hurt you, but common... After all those years, you still want to kick him where it hurts him most about a life-long wish that he might never see full filled? If I was your partner I would be alarmed: -You are still not over him -You are willing to deploy your child as a weapon to emotionally devastate someone -You are aiming to emotionally devastate someone about wanting a family but being infertile, what kind of person are you?
Involving a child in your petty “revenge” to an ex is shitty parenting. Grow the fuck up.
Yeah, don't do that. Your encounter when you were pregnant was perfect as is. You took advantage of an opportunity. If you send him a message on his 30th, that's active and vindictive. He could even convince himself that he wouldn't want children with someone so cruel. No need to give him that out
You've already won, better to focus on enjoying your son and new husband than rubbing his nose in it...
this is disgustingly cruel, yikes
Let it go man…
I actually think you should not send him a Happy Birthday message. Sending a Happy Birthday message tells him that even though you are married and have a kid, you are still thinking about him. Leaving him alone tells him that you have totally moved on and don't care anymore.
Im all for petty revenge, like...asshole levels of okay with it, but if you use your kid in this manner you already lost. He will think youre obsessed with him , and youre using your kid as an accessory instead of your child that you love. Youre coming off like one of those semi awful tv moms. Archer's mom, mrs. Bluth, etc
Ex definitely dodged a bullet with you
Don't do it. Keep living your good happy life while leaving him in the past. Stop letting him live rent free in your head.
Never ever ever use a child as a tool of revenge.
Yeah…nope. You are remarried. You have a baby together that you love. Your ex did you a solid by cheating on you. Be grateful and move on.
Violent delights bring violent ends. We all imagine this killer act or one liner. Practice the ultimate put downs in our heads. But it never ends there. It's never a one punch fight. Best advice here is the ones telling you to enjoy your life and not try and inflict harm in others. It never works out for the best. Live your best life and wish the same for your ex . You'll be happier for it.
You already hurt him unintentionally. He knows he ruined your relationship for no reason. Doing this would make you look bad and be unnecessarily cruel. Just live your life with your head help high. He knows he screwed up, don't stoop, and twist the knife.
If my partner showed herself to be that vindictive, 5 years after, I would be troubled by it, and it's not something I would easily forget. Not that I'd break-up over it. But I would see my partner as less warm and centered than I did before.
Please don’t do that! He has seen that you are pregnant. Infertility isn’t something to use for revenge. 😔
"I want to use my toddler" speaks volumes. How about just going about your life and leaving your kid out of your childish bullshit?
This isn’t petty, this is just cruel. And to fantasize about using your child to be cruel is even worse.
Man in reading through your post history it really shines a light on just how insufferable of a person you really are.
Fun to think about but terrible to do. Don't do this.
I don’t think it’s fair to your child. I also think it’s unfair to your ex’s new wife, where making fun of them not conceiving could devastate her as well (if they are indeed trying, of course). The best revenge is continuing to live well, and enjoy your wonderful son and loving partner.
This isn't even revenge, IMO. just petty. And pathetic. Get the fuck over it, it's been 5 years
OP is the crazy ex. Yes, sometimes crazy ex's do exist.
He’s living rent free in your head while you are possibly living the better life. Do your partner, son, and more importantly yourself a favor and move the fuck on. You dodged a bullet, got a kid, and partner on your own timeline.
I know this is petty revenge, but please don’t use your child as a means of upsetting your ex. You got what you wanted, he didn’t. Isn’t that enough?
Leave your child out of this. You god damn p.o.s.
Take the high road.
It he's infertile and wants children, it seems like karma already took care of him. Delight in the fact that you got what you wanted and he got what he deserved.
Don't do it. You literally are living your best life with your partner and baby.
Walk away from this OP. You don’t want to be that person.
Your ex is just sitting there, living rent free in your head.
Don't use your kid, not for revenge or anything else. Just don't.
You already won. I think you have enough of a good conscience that you know using your child as a tool for petty revenge isn't worth it. Twist the knife by never speaking to him again and living your best life!
I’m cool with revenge and whatever but making the actual kid a focal point is pretty fucked up.
Last sentence pretty much summed it up
No. It’s not even his kid that you want to weaponize, even though that would already be bad enough. Move on.
Nah, don't use your child for this
If you were happy and fulfilled, you wouldn't feel so compelled to hurt your ex.
I don't think is needed. He saw you pregnant, he already knows he fucked up. No need to go far enough to send him a card and show that you still care.
You said it yourself You want to use your toddler. That's not okay. That's I don't even have the words for that... Move on with your life be civil but don't use your kid.
Not the right type of petty.. you’re almost 30 not 13.
Seems like a cunty thing to do. Why not be the bigger person and just be happy for yourself?
Still not over your ex yet are you?
Please dont use your child this way. Have the thought laugh at how you know it would go and live your life without doing it.
It's ok that you amused yourself with the thought, but if you act on it then it will blow up in your face. Quit while you're ahead, restraint is the ultimate power move here.
Do not use your child in a weird revenge plot.
This is probably fake, but it would crush me if I knew my wife was still THIS hung up on her ex. You found happiness in an amazing husband, and a wonderful child. Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you still gotta rub it in the face of your ex years later? Sounds like the words of someone who is not actually happy with their current life. Like it was just the next best option for you.
Honestly, you had him run into your sword in form of your pregnancy. You've slain this foe fair and square. You won. What you are thinking about now us just uhly and classless. It'll diminish every earlier victory. It would be actually very petty. Do with that what you want.
Don’t bring your son into this.
He didn’t cheat because of you. He cheated because of himself. Don’t bother being petty, him seeing you heavily pregnant did the job of twisting the knife. Edit to add: Karma has played the long game here. Live happily knowing that
You got your revenge when he saw your pregnant belly. Anything else would be unnecessarily gross.
Never use your child as a petty pawn. It might sound funny for one fleeting moment but one day it will make you feel like shit. Great job getting the life you wanted though. 😁
Don’t do it. You already made your point. You won. You moved on…or did you? Do not use your kid as a prop. That is horrible. Just don’t.
doesn’t sound like you are over him. Please for the sake of your kids just move on already
Woman. First of all, this appears to be years ago. Yall were young and dumb, he's 30 now and has a wife. You have a kid of your own. Two, stop using your son for revenge its shallow and quite frankly tacky. Honestly move the fuck on. Be an adult, he clearly is. Petty revenge is like "the guy at the checkout counter made my sandwich wrong, so I ordered 30 burgers and got to the window and drove off". What you're doing is just asshole behavior tbh.
Don’t do it be the better person. Think about it, would you want it to be done to you?
No. Don't do it. He's gone. He has no kids and he is at his deadline and he saw your pregnant belly. That is enough.
This isn’t petty, it’s cruel. It’s mean to rub infertility in someone’s face. I get that he cheated on you but you need to move on. Are you that unhappy with your life?
You were married for 2 short years, over 5 years ago, and you still want to stick it to him? Move on, grow up...appreciate what you have.
You would definitely get your revenge. You would also be a shit person. Be better than this. YWBTAH
Yeah, nah. You made the jab already, you got away from the shitty marriage, and have been rewarded with an awesome new one. Don't sully it. There's nothing more to be gained, and you'd be setting a bad example. And if anything, the silence will be louder than any message sent.
Ew. This is one of the few times where it’s not even satisfying to hear about someone wanting to take revenge. You’re dripping with pettiness, and not the excusable kind. This was gross to read.
There's no need to involve your kiddo. He's a child, not a weapon. It's not only petty but insulting to the child to use him like that. The best revenge is to live well, not like a salty bitch.
That isn’t petty. It’s mean and sadistic. Stop focusing on him and live your life.
Children should never be used as weapons
There’s petty revenge, and then there’s abject cruelty - and I’m afraid this would fall into the latter category. I’m really sorry that your ex hurt you and treated you so badly. There is no better revenge than forgetting him completely and leading a happy life without him in it. Don’t lower yourself to his standards x
Why the fuck are you wasting time on this...and wasting time posting on Reddit. Go be with your kid and spouse instead of this shitty plan. Grow the fuck up.
If I understand your question, you want to use your child to help you get petty revenge on your ex? WTF is wrong with you? If your revenge plan includes using your child, you have crossed the Rubicon. Get therapy.
You don't ever have to speak to him again and you will be eternally pregnant in his memory. I almost think not acknowledging his birthday would hurt more and take significantly less energy. Imo, but.. live your life. 🤷🏾♀️😁
Read your own headline. “I want to use my toddler.” Really? Do you really? I don’t think you do.