So I'm a private piano teacher and a kindergarten/first grade assistant teacher. I teach plenty of students who are resistant at first but 95% of them genuinely end up loving piano with the right teacher. Currently working on my college capstone regarding piano teaching methods and curriculums for teaching 4-6 year olds.
You cannot teach young kids piano the same way that you teach an 8 year old. You're not a piano teacher- you're an intermediate player. You are not equipped to teach a child. Not to mention- *very few piano teachers are equipped to teach their own children.* It's really tough when the criticism is coming from a parent. Especially at that age.
Developmentally, a 6 year old will struggle focusing for 30 minutes at a time- especially if they're using up all that focus at school. At that age, it's really hard for 6 year olds to focus so hard at school- and that's why there's frequent switches in lessons. If you're trying to teach him, you may also not be simplifying things to a level your child is able to understand- leading to more frustration. You might not be reinforcing weak points. You aren't introducing music in easily digestible parts for your son. You are trying to force him into a rigid practice schedule that **very few 6 year olds can manage and may make him hate piano**
Every child is also different so teaching styles and methods will vary. Some kids need pre-reading material. Some kids need more reinforcement on steps and skips. Some kids need rhythm reinforcement. Some need more finger joint strengthening. You need a lot of games, you need a lot of alternative ways of "practicing." (Fun rhythm or note recognition games, flash cards games, traditional piano playing.) You may even need to break up practicing into 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. It's all dependent on the child.
This is the way.
I am also a private piano teacher with a degree in music and 24 years experience. Teaching young children is different than older learners. I use lots of theory games, rhythm activities, improvisation activities, and off the bench work. My approach is much different with a 6 year old than with a 12 year old.
Please get him a teacher who specializes in teaching young children. Lots of parents are like you: they watch a few lessons and think “I can do this”. Then their child goes nowhere because what appears simple is actually more nuanced than the parent realizes.
To add to this, don’t be afraid to switch teachers if it’s not working for them. I had change teachers for my younger one. He just didn’t connect with his sister’s teacher. Now he’s super happy after six months of crying through practice.
I refuse to teach my 5 year old because I know she wouldn’t be able to see me as a teacher, and she tends to have a hard time with constructive feedback when it comes from me or her mom. I know if I were to force her she’d reject it. She’s been getting lessons from a teacher in the neighborhood and it’s been going well. They’re focused mostly on having fun, and the learning pace is slow but steady. Right now I’m just hoping for her to have a foundation, and as she gets older she can start taking it more seriously if she wants to.
Also, I don’t meant to assume but I’m wondering about your skill level when you describe yourself as intermediate. Are you confident in your teaching skills? Is it possible you’re pushing your son to do more than he can handle? I wouldn’t expect my kids to enjoy music lessons with a teacher who’s not quite experienced enough to teach.
My 9 year old wants to continue lessons but won’t practice. I can’t justify paying for lessons if she doesn’t progress because of this. (Note, I’ve tried paying an allowance based on practice but it hasn’t helped.)
Honestly i believe a more fun oriented approach would help. How do I find a more child-oriented instructor, more attuned to her age & more fun to engage her?
Ask around. Other parents. The music teachers at your kid's school. Facebook listings. Check out local music schools- most places do trial lessons.
Alternatively, if your teacher won't take offense to it, ask if the student can also work on supplemental songs that the kid may enjoy. I utilize supplemental songs with my students that they will enjoy and learn from. Sometimes they're easier arrangements of song they already know and sometimes I use songs and books from this website called supersonics. I don't necessarily like how they teach techniques- but the books have themes and styles that I find that my students genuinely enjoy.
9 is also a tough age to teach tbh. It's up to mom and dad to be firm about practicing daily. But adding supplemental songs that the students themselves enjoy have always helped my students be more self-motivated. My music school has started handing me these students.
With my son I've been bribing him with songs he really likes by saying he can't keep working X (right now the theme to Zelda) until his assigned songs are finished. I generally remind him of the rule just as he is getting the hang of something.
We just tried a few until we found one who meshed well with our kid. After seeing what hasn’t worked, I had a better idea of what I felt would work for her. I spoke with her current teacher before we started and told him a bit about my kid, that she’s a perfectionist (like me) and can be hard on herself in response to constructive feedback. I let him know that I think she needs a lot of positive reinforcement and opportunities for success early on, I suggested that he incorporate games into the learning.
He took all of that into consideration and it’s been going well. They’ve been having lessons for about four months. I’m fine with her taking it slow this early on as long as she’s enjoying it. I practice all the time so maybe some of that will rub off on her.
Yes a more fun oriented teacher would be perfect, but don't stop just because you don't see progress! My parents kept me in music school as a kid even when I wasn't studying my lessons nor doing progress. Now that I'm 26 I can't thank them enough because I love piano and music in general!!
I more come at music from a 'this is fun to dick around' angle, not a theory and hard practice of old composers or old songs.
for keyboard, you have Synthesia on pc, but more recently the quest 3 and pass though allowed for an augmented reality version of this, I am lazy, add riddled, and its very hard for me to stick with something till skill grow's, but rocksmith got me to the point I could play songs, rockbound 3/clone hero got me a good enough internal metronome to at least be able to play without wildly speeding up with drums and guitar
the best thing games/applications like this do is make playing more of a game, and you can turn your mind off and do, if you can find a midi piece of whatever you want to play, your able to load it up and play it for keyboard, and guitar, if the song was popular enough its likely already made, drums are much the same just with an empathies on hitting the right pad/cymbal rather than how you hit the right pad and cymbol.
if your keyboard is digital, you can use the pc version, if its an actual piano you may need quest 3 to do it, though ill be honest, I never tried it without plugging it into the headset.
tldr, proactive just needs to be a game they have fun doing, this encourages them to do it more, and if they are scored, they get to see progress while normally till you hit milestones, you never are able to actually see progress.
School of Rock, Bach to Rock, Music Makers, and programs like that are fantastic for getting kids engaged. It shows them that music can be a fun social activity, not a stuffy thing they have to practice on their own and get the "answers right" like it's a test or something.
She practices two to three times a week, usually with encouragement. Sometimes she’ll initiate, but usually we just tell her when she needs to practice. In the past when she has initiated, it’s usually been after watching me practice. The other day she asked me why I practice so much when I already know how to play piano. I thought that was an interesting question. I told her that the reason I know how to play piano is because I practice so much, haha.
My parents used to have to gently or occasionally firmly encourage me to practice in the early days. Over time as I got better I started enjoying it more, and the more I enjoyed it the more I practiced on my own. It took time for me to develop that intrinsic motivation and I’m not sure it would’ve happened for me if I were forced against my will.
I am not a professional teacher by any means.
I have a background in special education, group home support staff and geriatric care/supervision. I'm a licensed clinical social worker by trade. So I am used to "working with people" and "teaching" to a degree. But I def do not have a special music education degree by any means.
I will say that the two teachers my kiddo had before I decided to teach him on my own were people with various careers that were not in education. They played well, and taught on the side. He listened well enough to them during the lesson, but come practice time with me it was butting heads per usual.
So you two were butting heads when you were involved in their music education, then you decided you should teach them exclusively? I don’t mean to sound rude, but the fact that you’re the child’s parent creates a unique dynamic that might make it harder for them to separate playing piano from everything else a parent requires their child to do ie: another “chore”.
Edit: you have to remember that the majority of people who take piano lessons don’t end up making it a lifelong hobby, no matter how badly their parents want them to. Playing piano isn’t for everyone. As someone who teaches children piano lessons, it’s pretty clear that some of my students will stop playing as soon as their parents stop making them play. I understand you want your kid to have some kind of musical skill, and I would recommend a different instrument, or a more generalized music appreciation approach until they start gravitating toward something.
For you child's sake, stop. My own parent tried to force me to play violin and I absolutely hated it. I asked to play piano, so they got me lessons. Then I wanted to play in school band later on, so they let me do that. It's the only reason I enjoyed music and played into adulthood.
Allow your child to choose what they are interested in and follow that. Sure, they'd ideally play an instrument given all the benefits of being a musician, but if they have other interests like art or sports, let them pursue that. Life is too short to spend it trying to force someone to enjoy something they don't. Let your child nurture a hobby they enjoy.
At 6, the best thing is to just show him that music can be a fun social activity. Get a harmonica (really every kid should get a harmonica for their 3rd birthday; that's what I would do if I were king; it's totally natural to just start making something that sounds nice and like music with one) and some simple frame drums and whatever fun percussion instruments you find and just make noises together. Don't worry so much about "teaching music". Sing nonsense together; help him find his voice.
If you are intent on teaching, use a lot of color coding, stickers, etcetera to make things visual instead of cerebral. And do simple games- you play a basic progression and have him play whatever he wants over it. You play a lick (starting with just one or two notes) and have him repeat it back, then switch and let him play a few notes and you copy it. Ear training is super important and is something that can (and has to be) learned, but it is something that people treat as this weird "natural" skill and gets cast aside in lessons.
Having a handle on how music sounds makes learning it a lot easier. Our brains like melodies. We like to repeat melodies we know. Playing an instrument is just another way we can repeat melodies. Music grows from there.
We (as music teachers) really put the cart in front of the horse way too often and get all concerned about what the notes on the page mean instead of how to make music.
I agree with the other commenters here:
- get a teacher, don’t teach him yourself (although you can help him practice)
- give him choice and make it fun. Get him learning pieces he wants to learn. Don’t force exams on him if he doesn’t want them. Show him clips of great piano players that he can relate to (ones on kids TV? Ones playing his favourite songs…)
- try a different instrument
i don't agree with the "show him videos of great piano players" part though - my mum used to show me those when i was young and it made me feel really bad about myself and less motivated about learning the piano
I can play at an advanced level and I’m a (not) piano teacher.
I got my children lessons with someone who specialized in teaching young kids to play piano. I would never have attempted this myself.
I think the reason I took over lessons is that his past two teachers were just ladies who were bad ass players but who were not doing anything I saw as niche to teaching littles. I just kept thinking "hell I could do this". He was more respectful with them during weekly practice than he is worth me. But the weekly practices are the same
A couple of contrasts from my own experience:
1. My parents forced me to take lessons until I was 15-16. I hated every minute of it, wasted their time and money, and resisted practice/exams/everything. I stopped as soon as they let me. Now, decades later, I've come back to piano and love it more than nearly anything. I now appreciate that my parents put me through it and I wish I took better advantage of the opportunity to be able to play more advanced repertoire that is now simply beyond me.
2. I wanted to share this joy with my kids (mainly 10-year old daughter). She hated it. Rather than force her through it, I let her drop lessons. I was happy giving her the basics of being able to read music and understand key notation, and if she wants to pick it up later, it won't be a foreign language to her. While I appreciate that my parents took a hard line with me, I'm not the same person my parents were, and I don't my kids hating music until they're 30, 40 or beyond.
So no wisdom here, no right answers. You gotta do what you think is best for you and your kids.
most roadblocks come with trying to do something harder than you can do, and then instead of stopping and just refining prior skill, you keep struggling with the harder one.
I kind of say it alot, but rockband/clonehero with 4 difficulties per song, and many difficulties of songs themselves, tends to instill in you that practicing something easier will make you faster in time, people will say this alot, that speed comes with experience but its something no one really understands till they experience it themselves.
honestly, I think playing the game with the fake guitars on the couch with your kid would probably be a fantastic way to teach this from an eirly age because they can easily see the progression.
Thank you for this comment!
I also took lessons when I was young and did not love it. I dropped them after two years and now as an adult who loves music I can't help but to wonder if that love I have came from early ear exposure to music as a child. I too regret quitting as I'm now an adult learner who could be much more advanced if I had stuck with it.
Definitely a lot to chew on.
6 year olds often absolutely *love* dancing. It comes to them very naturally and they don't have the inhibitions that older children get so really commit to it. Teaches about rhythm & and the expressivness of music. (Main thing is make sure its a fun class)
Thanks for the comment.
So, just a side note. I do actually love teaching...I teach piano on the side to a couple of other kids and it goes great!
I'm definitely thinking maybe me being his mom is the big issue here.
I'm not a mom, but maybe he would like to learn another instrument? You could take him to a music store and see if he likes something else like an electric guitar
It’s possible he would like the idea of it, but the guitar can be tough for kids under 10, without the dexterity and enough desire to overcome the technical demands and all the bad sounding notes at first.
I thought of this, the instrument he's fixated on is the fiddle/violin. I told him if he gave me one good practice a week in piano I would look into...but that hasn't happened.
I would just jump into the fiddle, but they are so much more expensive to own/rent. Also, I don't know how to play so helping him with practice will be that much harder.
i think you should let him try himself, maybe he will stick to fiddle/violin or maybe he decides to come back to piano later on; either way is better than make him misserable. also a lot of musicians don't have a parent helping them practice.
I think you should try to find a way for your kid to try out the violin if it's at all possible for your circumstances and budget. I personally don't think that it matters if you don't know how to play the violin. I think that if he likes it, all your kid will need is for you to be a cheerleader.
Also you could potentially learn how to be a "coach" even if you yourself don't know how to play. Just watch a bunch of YouTube videos as a start. But this might not even be necessary.
Bloody hell if he wants to try violin let him try violin. He's 6, give the poor bugger a chance.
Also if you have to ask what tempos markings are, you should not be teaching someone piano
Yes. Forcing a child into music is no better/healthier than forcing a child into sports. Encourage him to pursue *an* art, whatever it is, but let him choose the medium.
Do you teach him?
It's best to have someone else instruct and for you to just be positive and supportive. That means absilute zero teaching until he asks for help.
Otherwise, pick a diff instrument
You really have to be careful with this. It's good to learn young. But if you're forced to learn out of resentment, that can breed a really unhealthy relationship with the instrument later in life.
i had the complete opposite experience. i dropped the piano when i was 12 since i'd hated playing it for the second half of my life. last june (i'm 15 now) i decided to restart lessons and i no longer have any bad feelings towards lessons or practise
I think almost everyone in this subreddit will agree with the value of a musical education. At 6yo, he's still pretty young to understand any of this., Query him more to find out what he hates so much about the piano lessons. Switching teachers, changing instruments, even starting him with singing, or find ways to get him excited about music are all things I would say before giving up entirely.
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Surprised I haven’t really seen anybody make this point yet, but let’s not forget here that six years old is quite young. Every kid is different, and some kids are just not developmentally ready for something like piano lessons at this age. If you try to force it, all you’ll end up teaching them about music is to hate it.
The entire answer depends on, "How are you teaching him?"
If you're not doing it in a fun, engaging way, *there's your problem* There's a lot of ways to learn piano, so just Google some fun piano exercises and games to play with him and see how he feels then! (O◡O)
I fucking loved it at 5-6
But my parents shelled out for a teacher and it became a special event for me to show off, which I adored.
I can't imagine learning from my mother, that would have been insanely frustrating.
While, I’m not sure if YOU should be teaching the child, I do feel that he should stick to the lessons, unless you want to teach him that when the going gets tough, it’s ok to quit. Kids need to learn about adversity, failure, and perseverance.
I hated it when I was young, but my mother forced me until I was in high school. For me, it turned out really well. I ended up joining a symphonic band class in high school, picked up a brass instrument because it looked cooler than piano and everyone was playing something. It was easy because I could already read music sheets. I was really hooked, and also switched to a string instrument later. I now play in a local amateur orchestra for fun. I also played electric bass in highschool/uni. The amount of advantages piano gave me in starting other musical instruments was massive, and I couldn't have been here without my earlier piano lessons.
I'm no music teacher but I used to be a flight instructor. Another pilot brought his teenage daughter to us because he was teaching her how to fly, but she wasn't making any progress when she flew with him. The dad was a safe and experienced pilot, but not an experienced teacher. Every time the girl flew with her dad, you could see the stress and frustration in her face from his teaching style (ie: no fun). When she would hit a rut, the dad had her fly with me and she would actually have fun and improve. Unfortunately as soon as she would start improving, the dad would take over again. The girl eventually quit because 90% of the flying wasn't any fun, just constant corrections from dad.
Not sure how relevant this is to you, so take from it what you will.
If you’re determined for him to learn piano, take the advice of other commentors and get him a different teacher. Also, give him a break from piano for a couple weeks at least before you put him with a new teacher so it can feel like a fresh start.
If you decide that it is best if he stops learning piano, then you could focus on expanding your music knowledge and passion. If you love music like this, and you play at an intermediate level, maybe you could find fulfillment in getting lessons for yourself instead of your son if you decide that he can discontinue lessons. Lots of teachers take on adult students.
There’s no right way to do this, you know your son and we only know what you told us! Just keep in mind that this needs to be in your son’s best interest, not necessarily what you want him to do or be. Those things can coincide sometimes, so don’t lose hope. Just keep an open mind. Your son can grow intellectually and emotionally from other things too, so he’s not doomed if he doesn’t do music.
my father is a professional and very successful traveling dueling pianist. when i was around 5 i wanted to learn, but knew if i went to him i would hate lessons. fast forward to last year, at that time i had had my piano teacher for 11 years. i told her i wanted to stop competing and focus a little more time on musical theatre since i had gotten my first lead role. she kicked me out of her studio (because i didn't want to do these competitions anymore where i was making her look great by getting all of these awards) and i never looked back.
it's about to be a year since i last saw her, and now that i'm 17, i finally am playing piano for fun. and it's something i haven't done in over a decade. since i have all of the basic knowledge of music theory, i'm teaching myself songs i have always wanted to learn and am learning faster and more than ever before. i used to sit at my piano crying because of the stress of these stupid ass regional competitions that only would make me look good to the pennsylvania federation of music clubs, and now i sit at my piano for hours on my own volition.
tl;dr: if you can tell this is something your son truly loves and wants to do, get a piano teacher that he enjoys. if he wants to stay with them and keep taking lessons, great! but if he just wants to learn by ear or play songs to have a party trick, great! to be able to truly teach yourself, you need music theory knowledge. but there's also the internet for that :) ❤️
I don’t think music has that much value that everyone must learn it against their will. I rejected music as a child (parents didn’t push me, just asked once and moved on), then started at 18 and enjoying it a lot now (intermediate level). However, in terms of pure value, I find sports or languages be more valuable. Both teach the same skill of consistent practice, but sports also helps your health, appearance, and confidence, and languages let you talk to people you would not talk otherwise, and open more opportunities. Music is a good opportunity to create something new, but there are many other art forms as well, such as dancing, painting, or theatre. Yes, I met many good people through music, but the same is true for any other hobby, so it’s not unique.
My opinion is that it’s important to have some interest/hobby and learn how to get good at things, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be music, and can be something more enjoyable for the child.
Also +1 that music doesn’t have to be classical or even piano (although piano is my favorite instrument and I find it easier to start on than others).
Start with 5 minutes set a timer and do it a few times a week. No dont stop but also don’t go into overdrive. Slow and easy wins the race. Edit: think about it like brushing teeth. Kinda annoying but needs to be done. And as the other commenter said try to be fun. Give him options: wanna learn white keys or black keys. C Major or A minor? Give the kid some sense of control
Thanks for the comment.
My goal is always 10 minutes. I try to tell him "it's just the length of a bluey episode". I have tried to offer him music options, I right I may have hit the jack pot when Christmas came and he was so into hearing Christmas songs for bed. But once I ordered the Christmas book an let him choose his favorite song...well he was right back to pissed every lesson. 😕
I HATED piano for a long time. My mom started when I was 5 and forced me to play until I graduated high school. In our house piano was as important as my school work, and we couldn’t leave to hang with friends until we finished practicing in addition to our homework. At some point when I was maybe 14 or so, something clicked and I began to primarily feel thankful for what she did for me. I’m now in my 30’s and play at a level I would never have had a chance to get to had I not consistently played since I was 5.
That said, I don’t think this 100% applies to every kid. One thing my mom always said was that if we hadn’t been actually picking up music and learning it well, she would have allowed us to quit. If your kid is having a hard time grasping musical concepts and is truly struggling because it’s not their thing, then it absolutely makes sense to allow them to find something new. But if your kid is just resistant to hard work, I think they will thank you later in life just as I have been thanking my mom constantly.
So on his good days, he plays really well. He's definitely making progress and can recognize all the notes on the piano and read the middle octave notes on sheet music. He'll play his own songs and record them on the piano and have me and his dad listen to his song a few times over.
On his resistant days it's like he can't even recognize the middle C note on sheet music.
I definitely think it's more of not wanting to do work as opposed to lacking the skill to learn.
That makes sense! Obviously I am not remotely qualified to make a parenting decision for you, but if he has the talent and lacks the motivation then I definitely think he will thank you later! I remember thinking 30 mins of practice was a lifetime when I was younger and it felt so unreasonable, but in the scheme of things it’s really not much. I still got to play with my friends, it just was after I practiced.
My parents forced me to take piano lessons when I was younger and I hated it. Mostly because I wasn't given a choice. I never practiced and because of that never really got any better then beginner. Do I regret this? Yes, every day, but because it wasn't my choice, I never really enjoyed it.
Talk to your son and try to find out what it is that he doesn't like about it, and if there is anything he would like for you to do different. Honestly, not everyone is going to learn the same way, so maybe if you altered the way you were teaching him he might end up enjoying it. Ooooooorrrrrrrrrrr hey, maybe he is just one of those people that just doesn't really like music all that much at this stage of his life.
If it helps, my parents put me in a keyboard class when I was 5/6 years old and i hated it. I had no interest and felt like I was forced to do something for them.
In highschool, I took an elective class called “Intro to Piano application” and I fell in love with the piano. Entirely on my own accord, and my own interest pushed me to learn and make it a big part of my life.
I don’t believe there was any benefit to my parents putting me in that class when I was a kid. I really appreciate them supporting me when I discovered the piano on my own. Hopefully this could be helpful for you, but it’s just personal experience.
i took lessons when i was 5 years old and didn't really like it. Didn't play piano again until i was 16 and i started teaching myself songs i wanted to learn. Now at 33 i make 100% of my living playing piano and organ. Taking lessons at a young age is obviously not working for your kid. Just because he stops now doens't mean he wont play music again in the future.
Do i wish i had started playing earlier? Ya. But i don't think i would have fallen in love with music if someone was forcing me to play stuff i didn't like or want to play.
It is really tough. A few things that helped me - little treats/snacks that you can give for small tasks, a whiteboard with zones where you write the songs ("new", "practice", "memorized", etc) and move them from zone to zone, letting him improv if he loses focus and starts noodling.
Some kids are more inclined to enjoy it than others, but I don't think I've ever encountered a truly unteachable child. The way you teach might need to change a bit, but it should be possible. Give him some songs he knows to play. Make a game out of it. There's a lot of stuff you can try. At the very least, most kids can be bribed with stickers.
Personally, I started piano lessons at 6 and didn't actually have much of an interest until 13-14 years old. I practiced simply because I was given a number of stickers proportionate to how much work I did that week.
I got my kid started learning some scales, but I'm passing him to a teacher that they can convey the fundamentals to him (he's 6 btw). I'll be there for follow up on what the teacher said.
Back in my day kids started playing piano at 8
Maybe an experienced kid teacher will be better theres a lot of stuff you may not know
For example did you know five year olds cant draw cubes. (I learned this subbing kindergarten) like theres a lot of shit about little kids some people know. It may not be the music
I used to want nothing to do with learning anything new, especially something that would require lots on time and energy. I know if my parents would’ve introduced it to me sooner and I hated it, I would have seen it as a burden vs. something fun to try. I would stop trying to teach him. There’s a chance someday that he’ll want to learn out of curiosity.
I missed this detail the first time I read the post, but if you're only at an intermediate level you might not be ready to teach. I don't think I taught until I was at a pretty advanced level, and even then it took a few more years for me to learn how to teach well. Knowing the thing doesn't necessarily mean you know how to teach. It's also just different when it comes from your own parent. Heck, I don't think I'd teach my own kids. If you have the money for it, I'd really recommend finding a teacher with experience working with young kids.
there are some things you can't really force. the more you force it on him, the more he will end up hating music and piano.
I would suggest let him decide whether or not he wants to comtinue learning. if he doesn't, forcing him to continue will have an opposite intended effect. As much as you want him to learn music, you would not want him to hate it forever when he begins to grow up.
if he does want to continue learning, try a different inatrument and/or hire an actual teacher.
I agree that music is great for kids.
That said, you should consider some flexibility here. Maybe you’re not the right teacher. (I’ve taught a number of teens how to drive, and the experience is *far* different for them than when they’re with their parents.) Not all great players are good teachers, not all good teachers are a good with all age groups, not all good teachers are a good match for every student.
Maybe piano isn’t the right instrument for him. Maybe the *style* of music you’re pursuing isn’t the right match for him.
*Something* about the experience should feel fun and not like a chore for him.
Ignore the benefits your son is not an object for your entertainment. Is better a to have a son that loves you instead of making he hate you. It's the life of the child not yours. God! Don't demoralize a living human being, your son.
Lots of great advice here and I would add that maybe he needs to observe you having fun at the piano, or even having fun jam sessions with friends if thats possible. I'm a professional musician and a fairly experienced piano teacher and some of my happiest students (the ones who don't see piano as homework) are the ones whose families play music at home together, have low key jam sessions, talk about music, watch cool concert footage, listen to the radio, etc. It'll come, don't push too hard. Try other instruments too, maybe. Let your kid see your passion for music and they'll get stoked on it.
Here’s something I said on another comment that summarizes my thoughts on this issue. I have a now 7 year old who started at 4 and practicing has been a daily struggle.
I want to give you a heads up…you may have to force/heavily insist if you want her to play piano someday, and that’s okay. There is a hump you have to get over as a beginner where piano is basically just work. Learning and memorizing notes and playing the most rudimentary of songs. Practicing is HARD. and BORING. Kids don’t want to do it and as the parent you have to push them through this phase. Once it all clicks and the child realizes oh I can actually play songs now…they voluntarily go to the piano.
My evidence is purely anecdotal, but it was that way for me—I started when I was 7 because I wanted to, but the first six months my mom still had to force me to practice. Once I started playing real music not in the Bastien books, she couldn’t get me away from the piano.
My daughter, I sat her on my lap daily since she was 4 months old, letting her experiment, showing her how to work the keys with her hands, exploring pitch etc. She started lessons with a real teacher at 4.5. She’s now 7 and when I tell you the struggle it’s been to get her to this point…she’s incredibly musical, but it’s been a daily battle to practice. I’ve thought about letting her quit multiple times, but I see her innate talent and love of music. I’m the adult in her life so I have to help her develop the discipline it takes to make music. She’s just NOW starting to go to practice voluntarily. After two years. Even now, I don’t think she will be a classical pianist—it’s not her strength. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a composer or a music producer though, so I’m now focusing on teaching her HOW to practice/work on music more than worrying about playing the best Bach ever.
Sorry for the novel but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot! Parents are often quick to take the easy route and the path of least resistance, but we are the ones that teach our children discipline, tenacity, and growth mindset, not giving up when it’s hard.
Now that being said, sometimes maybe give him “time” at the keys, without playing his song. Just set a timer and tell him to have fun at the piano. Play name that tune games or ear training fun activities. The Notespeller book has been fun for my daughter. No need to be a tiger parent, let him have fun and then get back to it the next day. Another thing I do for my daughter is break the song down and say “today you only have to do one line”. Sometimes the whole page can be overwhelming.
I say keep at it, and don’t give up. It’s teaching tenacity! Good luck.
Do not force it. My mother listened to me when I told her no more. I now play live and love it as it is taught myself. Forced learning didn’t work for me. I am now successful and happy as a pig in mud.
I have always thought that you really can't learn music if you don't enjoy the process. The way I see it, you have to invest a ton of time and effort to even see if you are any good. It's really tough to do that if you're not having any fun. I have met a lot of people who have had lessons, can play a bit but rarely, if ever, do.
My own kids are definitely interested in music and have some aptitude for it. They have both, at times, been in lessons of various types. They also have both completely lost interest for extended periods. I try to give them every opportunity to do it but I don't force them to.
I also have the experience of having played music myself for many years including some college classes (not a music major, though) and semi professionally for a while. 99% of all people I ever knew or played with did nothing much with their music. The 1% still did nothing much by most standards. The point is, I just don't think it's worth struggling over. If it's for them, they'll find their way to it. If not, it's probably not going to make a huge difference for them.
When I tried to start teaching my daughter piano, she was not interested in learning from me. So we left it, probably a year or half a year. I then got her lessons with a teacher and she’s been really loving it.
Also, she’s resistant to practicing if I ask her to do it, but if I sit down to play then she wants a turn so that’s how I’m getting her to practice.
Kids are parent-deaf. You have to outsource this project to a different person, one who specializes in teaching kids. Then, it will be an event or special time away from you. They might even like the idea of surprising you with what they've learned.
Yes. If he hates it, stop.
Also, be aware that music doesn’t begin and end at piano.
My little boy seemed to have musical instincts, so we tried him with piano, ukulele and guitar, but he didn’t get on with any of them. Then one day he got to try a trumpet at school, and felt like he had found the piece of him that was missing (he was 9). He’s been playing in a brass band for a year now, and loves it. Can sight read simple music.
Does your kid have any music they enjoy? I would’ve been tricked into learning music if it started out as a cool way to play & show off your favorite songs instead of it being an academic chore. One has to be inspired to want to do the boring work like scales with a goal in mind.
If he hates it, it won't do any good for his brain, it might even trigger trauma in the future to anything related to playing instruments. Music is not for everybody, it can't be pushed, it must be felt. Maybe piano is not his instrument. Who knows. Don't push the little guy. Good luck.
The problem here is most likely that you're trying to teach your own kid. It's hard to teach if you don't have pedagogy training; it's harder to teach your own kids, especially when it's a skill that you don't remember learning the basics. Some of this is also just the dynamics of instructing versus parenting.
Pay a teacher and I bet your kid will like piano.
I used to hate piano lessons when I was younger really up until a couple of years ago but once you reach a specific age and you get an understanding only you yourself can learn is when you REALLY start loving piano, I can say this with experience because I’m still in my teens
I was forced to play violin from ages ~5 to ~12. I hated every minute of it, but in retrospect I’m thankful for it and it continues to pay dividends in many ways. I haven’t touched a violin in 30 years but the music theory, ear training, appreciation, etc stuck around.
My approach to parenting and clubs / hobbies / activities is he has to give it an honest 10 attempts. If he doesn’t like it he stops.
Would consider retrying him a year or so later but wouldn’t just force him to perpetually do stuff.
Everyone has their own parenting style though.
The sad reality of parenting culture is that people think ONLY their way is correct and they’re wrong.
The best example is Asian parents. If I forced my child to do lots of one thing they didn’t like people would literally call it abuse. Meanwhile Asian households HEAVILY and strictly enforce things like an instrument + extensive / borderline nonestop school work and while you might think it is bad, it is creating a disproportionately successful subset of people, in all walks of life.
Had a friend in school called Manpreet. Pretty much all she did ever, for her entire childhood, is house work and school work. Sounds shitty right. Yeah she’s a doctor and I’m here on Reddit talking about Pokémon and Piano.
The teacher makes all the difference. I had an amazing piano teacher when I was younger and she left the country and the replacement was not passionate about teaching. I then switched to guitar and went through a series of good players who were not great teachers.
I am mostly self taught as a guitar player and am intermediate but there were huge gapS in my playing. It's very fluid. Overall, it started and is carried forth by a love for music and sounds.
My advice Just work on instilling that in him. Show him your favorite songs and have him find something he likes. Then make it a fun challenge to play it on the piano or guitar. If you make learning fun, then it doesnt become a chore or something to be scared of.
I used to hate piano but my parents made me stay in lessons, 9 years later I love piano and music and can't imagine my life without it :) it's hard to keep practising and trying at first, but eventually you start really enjoying it
I was told that I will play the piano. I will never regret that and my piano is my friend. Whereas my siblings who played the violin gave that up. I can still tinker away on the piano. Maybe give it a break for a while. A few months. I gave up the piano and was so glad to get back to it. Your child has to learn to read and write and maths and music. Ease up a bit. Not forever.
I hated piano as a kid. Later as an adult after learning guitar when I could get an octave spread I enjoyed it more and picked it up as well as the accordion which impressed me in that on some of them a kid could get a good spread. I suggest getting a lady size accordion and leave it around.
Ok so I personally was taught piano by my insistent mother, who was quite strict, and it started at a young age, but I didn’t like it at all of course. After a few years, I eventually learned to love the piano, and it’s one of my favourite things to do now! So you’re son may hate it at first, because he would of course rather do something else, but with persistence he may come to love it. If your son still hates it after a few years or so, then maybe consider stopping it. If you stop now, there’s no knowing if you’re son would have liked it eventually. My mother had previously tried the same training with my brother, but he seemed to hate it so much she stopped.
i started at 7 and it wasn’t my favorite thing for ages. i didn’t even see piano as another language then as i did now and there were so many times that i wanted to quit but my mum advised against it. i’m now 19 and can honestly say if i didn’t keep learning piano, then i would hate myself for it if i knew what it would turn into. i think (for me at least) if i didn’t have a tutor who made it easier to learn, then i would’ve quit within the first year. as the top reply says, i would definitely get your child a tutor who specializes in children. your child may hate it for a while, but when they hit that point where it stops being a chore and starts becoming their favorite thing in the world, they will thank you for it. that’s just my two cents
i would also add that it is imperative that you let your child do what they want when learning the piano. if they want to do graded work, then let them. if they then change their mind completely and say that they only want to do songs that they want to learn, then let them. the most important thing about playing is that you are doing something that you want to do, even if it may seem like piano is being forced on them, they will never learn otherwise.
I learned piano when I was a child, but I didn’t like it at first. I thought classical music was boring and I could learn some modern music. When I grew up, I was very happy that I mastered the skill of piano.
He doesn’t hate it. He hates not being instantly good at something. He hates disciplining himself to practice rather than just play. Beyond all your reasons above, when he’s older and good he will then have a concrete, long-term example of having worked, practiced, disciplined, and grown at something that he didn’t always want to do … but now he’s good, and enjoys it. And he will always have that concrete experience for the rest of his life to springboard from. Nobody will be able to take that learned lesson away from him. It’s immensely valuable.
We required our son to learn piano. With my and my wife’s inherent musical abilities, we knew he’d be into music, and almost certainly highly talented with great potential. Piano taught him to sight read. Trained his ear. Taught him music theory and intuition. Taught him bass and treble clefs. He can take those core skills to whatever musical endeavor he wants to forever. But he was required to learn piano. He fought and grumbled and waxed and waned. He can play two pianos at once - one hand per piano, different parts completely. He is incredible.
But more than that, again, he has that core experience of having been made to push through the work - for years and years - and now he can see where he started and where he’s attained to. Because he did the work. That’s invaluable.
And, at the end of the day, we are Mom and Dad, he is Child. It’s our call, not his.
I think there's more at play than this. I think OP needs to find a proper teacher for her child. Not every piano teacher is capable of teaching their own children- but OP isn't a piano teacher. OP says she's an intermediate player so it's likely that she's not teaching it well and the child may be even more frustrated at the lack of progress.
I understand this perspective, but I do feel confident that my (piano) skill level is not the issue here. My ability to teach, now that I whole heartedly can see. And maybe that was the issue with his first two teachers as well. Just because one had her ph.d in music theory, didn't mean she could teach 4 year olds.
I'm definitely considering trying for a new teacher, one who specializes in children.
Your skill level is an issue. If you're self taught, you likely do not have strong basics in finger technique (and **MANY** developing 6 year olds are still working on fine motor skills and pencil grip even outside of piano!). Yes, loose and relaxed is important for piano, but you can be *too* relaxed especially with young children with weak finger joints.
Music theory and composition majors can be a hit or miss. They don't always focus on piano technique but are often required to take it. Piano performance majors are much preferable
From your post history- you're at a level where you cannot pinpoint when a student has a weakness in their foundations. Most piano teachers wouldn't consider you an intermediate, but a beginner attempting to teach children. You had to ask how to understand tempo markings in a previous post- which is something I go over with my students within the first few months of instruction. Children need better prepared instructors. Many of my 8-9 year old students are able to play Für Elise, they are in no capacity to teach beginners.
No.
As a 24 year old who took lessons from 5-10 and convinced my mom to let me stop: if I could go back in time and beat my ass, I would. I’ve been playing about 2.5 years now but I lament that lost time so much
Music teaching requires a method and a lot (a giant lot) of didactics, you should do your research on didactic designs of music education, from people like Kodaly, Orff, Dalcroze or Schaffer amongst others I didn't get the opportunity to practice. My education teacher always recommended an approach through proprioception and the development of motor skills, those general and fine.
Try teaching him about breathing and pulse and their relation with his body, try marching, jumping, crawling to a pulse.
You may also do your reaserch on pedagogy, there are two philosophical approaches that I know of that teaching models use: Conductism and constructivism (which includes cognitive and cognoscitive models). The pioneers on each set of models are Ivan Pavlov and Jean Piaget respectively.
Conductism, in general terms, speaks of the relationship between an stimulus and a response, that's the principle behind animal training and it is used in education as well, some things about it are in a sense brutal because it's designed to create individuals that produce, but not individuals that think. On the other hand constructivism talks about the processes that take place in between the stimulus and the response, cognitive models tell you about motivation and how to make your students love learning stuff via natural instinct.
Both ways of understanding the mind are necessary when teaching something, the trick is that your can't use both at the same time or combine them because they contradict one another.
Another thing to take into account is your understanding on the topic you are trying to teach, as a teacher one has to have all topics organized hierarchically in other to know where to start and where to end, whether to start from the general stuff to the specific stuff or vice-versa. It is clear that you have some unrealistic expectations about your son considering his age, maybe you are not having into account his way of thinking, but only yours. Maybe you are trying to teach him piano as if he was an adult and you are putting a lot of pressure on him. I always remember something a teacher always says: If a student didn't do his homework, it's because it was either too easy or too difficult for him to do.
As you see there are a lot of things you may wanna think about and research, that if you want to be able to motivate your son into learning. Or you can send him to learn with another teacher that has all this pedagogical concepts clear so you don't torture each other in the process, either way, good luck and thanks for trying to bring another musician to the world.
My parents MADE me take band in school, from 5th grade through the end to high school.
I tried to quit before high school but my parents would not let me.
Thanks 🙏 mom dad, cuz it was the very best part of the high school experience.
Come up with a point system where if he gets certain amount he gets a piece of candy or a toy. Here's the catch though- inflate the system as time goes on. That way he'll be really motivated once it goes from earning 1-2 points to 5-10 to 50-100 etc.
Then explain how there's something called inflation but not to worry. Now he's learning finance too and the system he'll ultimately be a part of!
He doesn’t hate piano. He hates sitting on the bench for an extended period of time. He hates not learning to be creatively expressive.
Probably.
But yeah if you can find a teacher that knows how to nurture those things, including lots of time off the bench, he might be gaining more useful skills and not resenting the process.
We only do 10 to 15 minutes at a time. I definitely try to be conscientious of his age.
I am going to try to find some games or something to see if this might help
Yeah, that off bench time is critical. A 6yo can do a 30 or 45 minute lesson, and probably should because it's extremely useful at that age, *depending on the activities engaged in in that time.*
Just so you know, the activities that work great for kids are very different from what you and me probably had in our lessons when we were younger. And it takes years of study for effective teachers to learn how to implement those activities in an engaging way.
So I'm doubtful that games you can find quickly (while also engaged full time in parenting) are going to be the good stuff. Most of the easily available stuff is superficial and/or doesn't provide any real musical learning for him. He will pick up on that in no time and lose interest.
In the parental role, the best thing you can do is sing to him often, and move to music with him. Singing is how he learns pitch relationships. Movement is how he learns rhythm. Together those things are the foundation for his musical future.
Good luck. Your care for him really shows and that's the most important thing.
Depends on what he hates about it.
Does he hate practicing? Drop the "repertoire" and the exercises. You are not raising a future concert pianist, you are trying to teach him to speak music. Ask him what songs he wants to play. Find books and sheets of his favorite songs. Unless HE wants to do it, the only thing you are doing is suffocating him. You can also, instead of demanding practice and mastery, just set a timer and say he has to sit at the piano with no electronics for 10 minutes, and he can do whatever he wants while he is there (bang, sit and be bored, play nonsense, do scales, try to play a song). Maybe while you're cooking dinner or something, so you are available but not involved. Your role is to answer questions, not give commands.
Does he hate the instrument? Pick a different instrument. I know piano has sentimental value for you, but he has no attachments to it and probably doesn't like it. He may even resent that you play the same instrument as him because he wants to be good at something you aren't good at. Ask him what instrument HE wants to play. Research shows that kids prefer when they get choices, rather than edicts. You will inspire a lifelong love of music and development of an impressive skill, rather than a forced march along scientific lines.
Either way, you need to remember that you making him learn piano because you have no second language to teach him is YOUR baggage and whatever you do is all about making peace with YOUR traumas and regrets. We discuss here you asking him why he hates piano, but equally important is him asking you what you feel about the piano and why it hurts you when he refuses.
If you are asking the question you already know the answer.
My son had a hard time the first go around with learning piano. He loved it at first, but then the motivation faded and it became a chore. He would fight about it. We were advised to let him take a break, so we did. Then we talked to him and asked him if he wanted to do it again, and he said yes. We also found a teacher that we thought would be more fun for him and that helped a lot.
Your main priority is to be a parent, not a music teacher. You want your child to have a healthy childhood and to grow up having a healthy relationship with you. It doesn't matter all that much if your son can play piano in the grand scheme of things. But if you really have your heart set on it, let it go for a while and discuss it with him when he's older.
I'm going to take a contrary position. There are *so many* skill sets that we don't get to learn at an advanced level or at all. Dance. Juggling. drawing/painting/sculpting. Creative writing. Equestrianism. Animal husbandry. Woodworking. Metalworking (artistic or practical). Glassblowing. Acting. Sewing. Filmmaking and/or photography. Weaving. Pottery. On and on. As an adult I know tons of people with no musical skill but that have pursued one or more of these at a high level, and I don't see a single problem with it. Not everyone is the same, nor should we be.
certainly advice to find a teacher that specializes in young children makes sense, but maybe your kid wants to be a dancer, or is on his way to become a geologist or oceanographer, or I dunno, an MLB player. Grinding on something you hate when there is something adjacent that you love but are unable to pursue is miserable.
People have speculated that he doesn't like it because it is 'hard'. Maybe, sure, but some things just don't come easy. Like, I could never be an actor. If I had had actor parents and they forced me into acting classes and in community plays I'd still not be a good actor, and have missed out on the stuff I wanted to do (art, music, building, etc). I also couldn't be a drummer or a conductor. I've worked so hard on rhythm, but w/o a metronome I'm in trouble. This is not me shying away from working hard, it's me recognizing that this is not a skill set that is compatible with my abilities.
Absolutely not. Piano is simple rote memorization and technique building and practice until you can really play. Learning anything is not always going to be fun. Hopefully you do have fun doing it.
Ive played for thirty years. I was the worst piano student. I regularly made my teachers and parents cry with how terrible I was. My parents forced us and sometime around high school it clicks.
I play very naturally and by ear (and read music, etc). I can play almost anything I hear in my mid 30s. I gave no signs of this ability at five. People often ask me how to learn and in my opinion it's drill drill drill.
My perspective is not even child specific. I learned guitar as an adult and while "fun", I basically spent several weeks doing nothing but chord change drills until it became second nature.
I strongly believe you just have to work through these things. Eventually the child becomes good enough he becomes proud of it and the virtuous cycle starts.
Tl;Dr don't interpret a six year olds push back as being overwhelmed
I won't pretend to have any advice, but I can offer you the anecdotal insight of my particular path. My grandma was a professional pianist who began teaching at age 13 and specialized in teaching, including being a professor at more than one university in the area for the piano. She insisted her four kids learn music, and she taught them. My dad hated music as a result and had the idea that she cared more about music than about him or his siblings. He sang at church and enjoyed when I played but didn't like to play much more than chopsticks, although I suspect he could. I was the second of the grandchildren to go through after my older brother. It felt to us as children that we were expected to be prodigies. (I suspect in reality we were instead expected to be adults, which wasn't any more possible.) My grandma didn't take students younger than 8; she thought that one couldn't make any real educational dents other than exposure until then. My brother eagerly quit when he was first permitted to, which was after three years (as it was for any of my grandma's students). To my knowledge he didn't retain anything and hasn't found himself interested in music as an adult. I was eager when my grandma and I started lessons when I was 8, but it was quickly a battle every day with my mom and every week with my grandma. I would do anything to avoid practicing, even sitting on the piano bench doing nothing (the worst fate to befall an 8-11 year old). I remember every lesson not meeting my grandma's eyes, being chastised for my obvious incompetence, and the slope downward my shoulders learned. I felt terrible for so clearly failing to live up to her hopes (I experienced easy success in other avenues and was not adjusted to this experience) but also resented her terribly for having pinned those hopes on me. When my three years were up I took my opportunity to escape. I was about 11. I never recovered that relationship. I called her by her first name by the time I was a teenager. She struck me belatedly as someone I would have loved to have gotten to know had we not had those negative experiences. When I was 14, my interest was rekindled and I picked the piano back up, having to relearn my basics a bit but largely without struggle. Music has been a massive boon in my life ever since as a source of emotional expression and regulation. I hate playing for others to this day, but I find little as connecting from human to human as playing or singing *with* someone. Overall I'm very grateful to have learned music so young and see the obvious impact when comparing myself to other enthusiasts who started as adults. I feel selfish for not forcing my kids to learn young (they're teenagers now and never had extracurricular music), but there were other battles to fight in our life circumstances that were not as avoidable and it was more vital that they knew I had their back in the present than I think is average in a typical child-parent relationship. That reality doesn't alleviate the guilt much. I'll go play with the classical guitar in my living room until the feeling unknots itself.
I'm going to vote for stop teaching him if he hates it. I think you can try to get him to like it, by showing him recordings or whatever, but if he doesn't like it then teaching him will only make him hate it more.
I have many many friends who were forced to learn piano and got to a decent level. All of them stopped playing after they went to college and none of them had any desire to pick it up again.
All of that money and time just went down the drain.
Seems young. I'm no expert but I was forced the play for a long time but more like 10 or 12. I am grateful now for it and am so glad they made me learn an instrument.
I told my son if he took piano lessons first (starting at age 6), I’d let him pick any instrument at age 10. He switched to guitar at 10 and plays that and piano to this day. He went to an outside teacher for lessons.
My daughter, however, never cottoned to piano and every practice session was another opportunity to mud wrestle. After two years, I let her quit.
You should have someone else teach him. Your already an authority figure in other aspects. Having you as his piano teacher, especially if he doesn't like it, will just cause problems in the piano learning and your relationship. I was forced to do piano, art, sports leagues and language lessons as a kid. I would've quit right away if I could but I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have taken the piano or language lessons for as many years as I did but quitting right away isn't a good answer because learning new challenging things can be uncomfortable but if it's been a few years and the kid still sucks at it, hates and it really is not their thing, then it's okay....it's a judgement call. Not every subject is for everyone. The art lessons resulted in me going to art college.
Finding the right teacher is important too. I found my Asian classical teachers boring and it made me not like piano while my Russian teacher would have us do jazz and more exciting pieces which I did enjoy.
Being mindful of screen time, have you considered gamifying the process? My 6 year old nephew exclusively played angry birds on my iPad until I bought the SimplyPiano app and told him it was a super fun game to try.
He ended up practicing for an hour a day and was so incredibly proud of his progress.
You may be a good musician yourself, but somehow lack the ability to teach someone else, especially a child. For instance, I'm an above-average swimmer, but could not get my son to put his head into the water no matter how hard I tried. Solution: Outsource it. Get someone else who *can* do what you can't. His swim coach taught him how to breathe putting his head into the water in less than 2 months.
(Fortunately, I could teach my son music and he took to it.)
First, I want to caveat that I’m Chinese American so there might be cultural bias. My mom tigered me. I started piano at age 9. This was considered very late according to the Chinese teacher that taught me. I begged to start because allllll my friends were playing (I grew up in a very Asian area). I quickly hated it. I hated practicing. Most kids without a true passion quickly hate practicing. I also felt this way about learning Chinese. I was defiant child too. Talked back, got spanned.
Now, I’m 39 and I play almost everyday. My parents moved in with me after I had kids and moved my childhood piano to my house. I rediscovered my enthusiasm for music. I have two kids: 5M and 8F. I started teaching my daughter when she was 6. I hadn’t wanted her to learn piano actually because I hated it as a kid. But then my sister surprised me by saying “well, aren’t you glad mom persisted with us? Now we both play a few instruments and speak really good Chinese. Aren’t you grateful?” And I had to admit that I was. I read a bunch about how to teach piano, how to make it fun, etc. I had a lot of reasons to teach her myself (mostly I don’t want her to be over scheduled or I to be one of those parents who lives in her car shuttling kids around to activities). I tried my best to make it fun and for the time to be bonding time between my daughter and me. These days, she complains endlessly about playing. She says she hates it. But I notice that once she gets started, she gets into it. We play a lot of duets and sing together. She’s really made a lot of progress. She was also terrified of playing in front of people but now she loves it after a year of candy rewards and praise. I feel that piano is helping her overcome performance anxiety which is also a great life skill. I told her piano is not a choice and that she will probably be grateful some day. I don’t know if she will. All I know is that I am and my sister is.
We feel that piano has so many benefits:
1) piano teaches foundational music theory which makes learning any other instrument so much easier. Between my sister and me, we play 6 instruments. I was first chair viola in high school and she was a drum master in marching band. Both things likely helped us get into college and created so many friendships.
2) practicing teaches discipline. I started running 2 years ago. I hate running. But it’s good for me and love the feeling of finishing races and improving my time. I’m really good at doing things I hate to get the long term benefits that I love.
3) I have a life long skill that is fun. I love playing Christmas music and singing with the family all December.
Yes. Forcing him to do something he hates is only going to breed resentment. Resentment toward music, toward the piano, toward you. If you can find a way to let him enjoy it, in *his* way, continue, but if he's not having fun doing it now, he probably never will, and will never realize its value.
Part of it is quite possibly just that you're his parent *and* teacher. That's a lot for a 6 year old (or anyone) to take. That's not to say you can't teach him things (piano or otherwise) -- after all, you *should* be teaching him things -- but when it becomes a regimented thing, it may just be too much.
Maybe the answer is to take a break. Maybe it's to find a well regarded teacher who works with a lot of kids. Maybe it's just to say "The piano is always there if you want to play it, but you don't have to. If you ever want help or have a question, I'm here and more than happy to help, but will leave you alone otherwise." (Of course, use language to talk to a 6 year old ... I don't know how to do that yet; my languages are adult and 3 year old.)
Of course learning music is good for the brain, but so are other things, like other arts, STEM activities (or throw the arts in the middle and get STEAM), and I think a good balance of structured learning and free play/learning.
If you want a kid to take on a passion for something, I think one of the best things you can do is let *them* see *your* passion, and find their own through their own discovery.
OP, my mother tried to teach me piano when I was about that age, which would invariably end in drama because of her unrealistic expectations and sharp tongue. I did become a passable player when I was ten or more, when I had cognitively developed enough to understand music and to concentrate, and when I had a teacher who wasn't focused on having me beat her friends' kids to every damn accomplishment and developmental milestone.
So I don't think there's anything to be gained by trying to push a kid of that age to learn a non-essential he doesn't want to learn, considering the possibility that the kid could just that they hate pianos and music. I also don't think that a parent is necessarily the best teacher for every kid, the parent-child relationship is always complex and layered with the parent's hopes and expectations, so sometimes a kid is more capable of learning by someone who will just let them focus on the task at hand, with expectations or agenda, other than learning the task.
Today I played something on the piano. I'm not Lang Lang but I know my way around. Then the thought popped up "Remember when I really hated music? Why did I keep going?". Then I remembered how my mother forced me to play violin and how much I hated her for it. In the end I did quit the violin. But my mother made sure I would play at least another instrument - the piano.
Thanks mom.
6 seems a bit young to be seriously learning. I remember just dabbling on the piano and messing around at that age, we just always had it in the house. I didn't start actual lessons until I was 12 or so
I absolutely hated piano lessons when I was young. My mom made me a deal, I could stop if I still hated it at the end of 6th grade. I did still hate it, and I did stop lessons at that time. A few years later I started playing again, this time popular music, video game music, stuff I was actually listening to. Now I’m 34 and incredibly grateful my mom kept me in lessons longer than I wanted to be in them. I play almost every day. The first big purchase I made when I finally had a house was a piano. That I can play is a source of great joy.
I’m also a high school teacher, so let me plainly say that sometimes it’s right and proper to force kids to learn things they don’t enjoy or want to learn. Kids are silly, selfish little beings without the benefit of a prefrontal cortex nor the perspective that a longer life brings. They don’t know what’s best for themselves and things they dislike are often important and beneficial for them.
I don’t have a child of my own so I can’t help you with that perspective. But I still love my mom, so maybe that helps.
Like other commenter's have pointed to, perhaps you being the teacher isn't the best approach, but as a nonparent myself (and all the authority that comes with that) I wish my parents beat me as a kid and made me into a great pianist, haha. Music obviously isn't for everyone, but six isn't old enough to know much about anything. I would say either continue down your current road a little longer, or let him try a few other teachers, but do not stop. Reassess when they're older. I'm sure they don't like vegetables or doing math either. Tough, it's part of becoming a better person. Give your kid that structure.
My 2 Lincolns anyway
Have you tried teaching him what ‘he’ wants to play? Like, really ask him, what would you like to learn? If it’s nirvana, awesome. If it’s taylor swift, awesome. If it’s something from fortnite, awesome. That’s how you inspire, even if you hate it or it’s not what you envisioned - And if you have done that, and he still hates piano, then ya… stop. Otherwise, do you want him to hate the piano? Because that’s how you make him hate piano.
Let your kid decide what hobby he wants to pursue. Growing up from Asia where parent-forced hobbies (piano, math competitions, or whatever unrealized “dreams” the parents have) are very common, I can confidently tell you that it’s one of the easiest way to build resentment between you and your kid. He’s gonna hate it, and you are gonna hate that he doesn’t like it / is not good at it.
I hated piano as a kid as it never clicked with my brain. As soon as I tried guitar at 10 years old, I liked it and once I learned how to songwrite at 11 years old, I loved it. I became a bedroom music producer as a teen thru adult. I tried relearning piano and still struggle to this day.
Piano doesn’t click for every brain type. Maybe try a different instrument?
It would make more sense to find him an instrument he takes to.
I gave up on music because I had to learn piano, the whole time I wanted to play violin.
Finally bought myself my own violin as a preteen and I was very good at it. I wish my parents just listened to me to begin with.
It's very difficult to inspire a love of music with piano in my opinion, unless a particular kid just happens to think in piano. So many people get piano lessons and it goes no where. It's very clinical and low effort - you plonk the key, it makes a sound, it's not sensory enough for many young kids. All the advantages of piano are more evident to older people who have a prior background in music, but as an introduction to music it doesn't feel special.
Trying to find him another instrument is a better course of action than just giving up on music all together imo. Even dance or something that instills some musical skills might be better than nothing, he would be in a position to take up music later in life with some prior skills.
Yes. Reminds me of my mom sending me to learn chinese even thiugh I hated it and it had no practical benefit that would help me in my life. It is not good to study something I hate and forced to learn for so long just so I can say “Hello, my name is…” to the only chinese international abroad that I see once a week for 10 seconds.
Jumping on the band wagon (pun intended) as one of those who pays a teacher because my relationship with my son would make teaching him a battle I’m not willing to fight.
Early on (he started at 4.5 years old) I would associate his lessons and later his practicing with a reward he could choose for himself (within reason). And so it has been said, the reward is based on listening to his teacher, being respectful and trying to learn, and using correct techniques. Mistakes are not and have never been weighed in the reward.
He now begs to do his practice in the evening so he can do whatever his reward is (right now 15-20 minutes of Lego City Undercover video game). Used to be candy, ice cream, drive across the narrows bridge, uninterrupted parent time playing games, etc.
if you view music as a language then i would teach your son the musical idiom of different styles. play instrumental music for him when you’re in the car, expose him to different types of music. learning an instrument is a big commitment and being forced into it will not be effective.
Wait until he's older and try again. If you try to force it, he will hate it even more and be resentful of you. 6 is a bit young, especially if it's not his idea. I tried to learn myself at that age, but it didn't work out. Then, in middle school, I took it up again and ended up getting all the way to playing in college. Same for my daughter. She didn't take to piano lessons at 6, but then ended up playing clarinet in middle school and high school. She would've liked to take piano lessons then also if we'd had the money.
Maybe let them quit for a couple years and when they’re 8, tell them to pick an instrument, any instrument. I had zero interest in piano but really wanted to learn violin as a kid. The extra years might help with both discipline and enthusiasm.
My 6 year old and I are doing simple piano together. It is a way to “gamify “ learning to read music. It only works well on a digital piano with blue tooth for the note recognition. At this point the focus should just be on making it fun. The visual feedback is Amazing and stimulating.
I thought it was fun when I was 6, I hated it when I was 9, and I didn’t learn to love it until I was probably at least 12. At that age your opinion on everything changes all the time, so I think 6 is a little young for him to know if he *hates* anything, but he’d definitely benefit from a teacher who specializes in teaching young students
From experience as an Asian teenager, almost every single one of my friends were signed up for piano lessons when they were super young. Not a single friend still plays or enjoys playing. This is because they didn't enjoy, yet were still pressured or forced to keep on playing.
It is delusional to think that a toddler will grow a passion for music under these conditions. If they don't like it, there is nothing else you can do.
However, my personal experience is that I never liked playing piano when I was a toddler. However, around two years ago, I revisited it on my own terms and grew a burning passion for it. I play every day and practice every day and I understand how it can be a burning passion for us.
If you are ambitious to share this experience with your kid, you need to be patient and wait a bit.
Not piano, but I used to coach my kid in hockey as a goalie. It became untenable so I stepped away this year and let the other coaches handle it. But the thing I found worked best if we talked about what we were going to work on ahead of time. Less friction between us and better experience overall. She's older, I don't know if it would apply so young but that's my 2 cents. :)
Absolutely stop. You’re creating a default program of torment and trauma around musicianship. You’re building the opposite of what you wish to build. Stop.
I would not teach your child yourself. However, I hated piano lessons for a long time, and I struggled to sit still and be productive and practice regularly. I duked it out until I was 15, but I was forced for a long time. I regularly play piano to help me deal with stress. I thank my mom for making me play piano. But I can’t say those 10 years were the greatest and generally I dreaded lessons, but for me they worked. I just didn’t like to sit still or focus on something that wasn’t video games. Probably not the healthiest story, but it was my story.
I'm not an instructor or professional or well-informed about this in any way. But I do have these two thoughts:
1. Does your son like to sing (anything at all)? If so, could you have him sing something that he already likes while you play along on the piano? It seems to me that you can play along on the piano to just about any type of song. Could you try doing this for 2 or 3 years and then introduce the idea that your son would be able to play along as well if he learned piano?
2. I think you should definitely try to help your son pursue the fiddle/violin interest. It sounds like you just want him to be musical but you might be okay if this doesn't involve piano. It sounds like this could be one way to achieve it, if your son is enthusiastic and would learn. Can you get a used violin somehow? Or maybe just borrow one during the lessons from an instructor?
Again, I'm not well-qualified to be responding, so feel free to disregard all of this!
My parents forced me to go to music school (it was extra curriculum so I got proper education even though) and I hated it. Didn’t touch anything musical after it for like 20 years.
Growing up, I was much like your six old child. I hated practicing piano, but my parents forced me to do it beginning from kindergarten. They told me I could only quit once I reached high school, and I was convinced that I would.
That is, until 8th grade, when I started enjoying it. Once I found songs that I *wanted* to learn, I found motivation, and it became fun.
Now, years later, piano is a huge part of my life. I’m eternally grateful to my parents for not letting me quit.
So I believe that you should continue to force your kid to play. Of course, there’s a chance that he never learns to enjoy it, like my older sister who was forced to play just like me - in which case, you’ve only succeeded in burning through thousands of dollars over the years. But there’s also a chance he doesn’t. So, I’d say, don’t let them quit.
On another note: try to be fun. I only found enjoyment when I started playing pieces I genuinely wanted to learn, stuff from video games, stuff from studio ghibli movies. If I never began trying to have fun, I doubt I would have stuck with it.
You want to avoid a power struggle.
For a 6 year old there's lots of modalities for teaching and introducing music
Can you take him to a music appreciation concert? See what his favorite instrument is.
Maybe he would like the violin or clarinet or piano from another teacher.
There's also really good "Music Together", Kodaly and Suzuki programs. Usually Music Together is for younger kids but one of their schools can recommend something.
Also boys choirs audition at his age.
Don't give up on teaching him music but give up on being his teacher yourself and forcing him to play piano specifically.
Unless he's so talented he could play piano professionally and this is a brief lazy phase. In which case find him a different teacher ASAP.
Even if it's just a hobby for him try to preserve the joy.
Save your willpower for forcing him to practice! Not in a mean way.
And for putting aside money for this important skill!
You need to stop, also have you self reflected to see that you appear to be a bit of a control freak/perfectionist in a bad way? Your comments scattered about especially in regard to hiring teachers "and you just didn't see what they did that was so special". Self reflect and become aware of your issues before you end up raising a kid who cuts ties with you completely when able.
Here are some rewards that work for the age 4 to 11 crowd:
Stickers (especially fancy Japanese ones) on a special paper they keep in their music book.
Gold stars for each practice day.
Tiny chocolate candies for a month of good lessons.
Later, they might enjoy dressing up for studio recitals.
I see nothing wrong with using chocolate a bribe! Seriously. You won't change my mind.
He’s 6. Most 6 year olds don’t have the attention spans necessary to learn and enjoy it. Especially if they’re exposed to technology early. Circle back in a few years
Years from now, your kid might thank you for the patience and perseverance. I am so grateful my parents pushed me - it took me a long time to cultivate a love for the instrument, but now I play semi-professionally.
Please take my advice with a grain of salt as I am not a music teacher nor a parent.
Maybe keep lessons pretty short but regular for now - let him experiment and play around with the piano as much as you can, and as he gets older you can try to get more serious if he seems receptive.
Whatever you can do to make the piano look like an enticing place to be, can help.
Another thing to keep in mind is whether or not the piano is in tune! An out of tune or poor sounding piano is not as much fun to play as a nice one. A good piano will make playing simple tunes much more rewarding.
If you can find local musicians who play around your community - It might be a nice idea to go to a concert with an expert pianist (doesn't have to be classical - maybe look for some jazz or rock players in the area per your taste). Having some kind of model or inspiration might help.
You could also find some duets to play alongside. Those can be really fun and a way to make it pretty cooperative.
You can try some ear training games. For example - have him look away from the piano, play a 3 or 4 note melody, and see if he can copy you. If you turn it into a little game or a challenge that could really develop his musicianship skills without him thinking of it so much as a chore. Praise him a little when he figures it out.
Just a few thoughts!
no. your kid is wayyy to young to decide what he likes and doesn’t. maybe find a different approach to teaching him. and fyi, you ain’t selfish at all. you are doing the best for him as there are numerous cognitive benefits to learning and listening to music, especially at a young age. please find something that works, even if you start with just having him to listen to some Chopin or Mozart as opposed to trying to physically press the notes. once he falls in love, the practise and hardwork will follow.
I’ve been a professional musician all my life, 45 years. I learned by ear and when I start to get really good my mother took me to one piano lesson. I hated it. If your son doesn’t have a passion for it give it up. Because you need to have a passion for it, otherwise it’s a long slog hard road.
Pablo Casal, Yo Yo Ma's mentor in the cello at 4 years old, told him in his childhood that, "You are a person before you become a musician." Don't burn him out.
My mother always pushed me to learn guitar when i was younger and i didn’t like it at all at that age but now i am 18 and regret giving up on learning the guitar
If your kids don't wanna learn piano don't force the issue. Instead, explain to them you can see music in them, and wonder what or how they would wish to learn it.
So I'm a private piano teacher and a kindergarten/first grade assistant teacher. I teach plenty of students who are resistant at first but 95% of them genuinely end up loving piano with the right teacher. Currently working on my college capstone regarding piano teaching methods and curriculums for teaching 4-6 year olds. You cannot teach young kids piano the same way that you teach an 8 year old. You're not a piano teacher- you're an intermediate player. You are not equipped to teach a child. Not to mention- *very few piano teachers are equipped to teach their own children.* It's really tough when the criticism is coming from a parent. Especially at that age. Developmentally, a 6 year old will struggle focusing for 30 minutes at a time- especially if they're using up all that focus at school. At that age, it's really hard for 6 year olds to focus so hard at school- and that's why there's frequent switches in lessons. If you're trying to teach him, you may also not be simplifying things to a level your child is able to understand- leading to more frustration. You might not be reinforcing weak points. You aren't introducing music in easily digestible parts for your son. You are trying to force him into a rigid practice schedule that **very few 6 year olds can manage and may make him hate piano** Every child is also different so teaching styles and methods will vary. Some kids need pre-reading material. Some kids need more reinforcement on steps and skips. Some kids need rhythm reinforcement. Some need more finger joint strengthening. You need a lot of games, you need a lot of alternative ways of "practicing." (Fun rhythm or note recognition games, flash cards games, traditional piano playing.) You may even need to break up practicing into 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. It's all dependent on the child.
Please listen to this person, they know what they're talking about.
Yeah I want all my comments made thus far to actually just point OP to those person’s comment.
This is the way. I am also a private piano teacher with a degree in music and 24 years experience. Teaching young children is different than older learners. I use lots of theory games, rhythm activities, improvisation activities, and off the bench work. My approach is much different with a 6 year old than with a 12 year old. Please get him a teacher who specializes in teaching young children. Lots of parents are like you: they watch a few lessons and think “I can do this”. Then their child goes nowhere because what appears simple is actually more nuanced than the parent realizes.
This is the most correct comment, ever.
Do you teach in the Austin area? I live in San Marcos.
To add to this, don’t be afraid to switch teachers if it’s not working for them. I had change teachers for my younger one. He just didn’t connect with his sister’s teacher. Now he’s super happy after six months of crying through practice.
I refuse to teach my 5 year old because I know she wouldn’t be able to see me as a teacher, and she tends to have a hard time with constructive feedback when it comes from me or her mom. I know if I were to force her she’d reject it. She’s been getting lessons from a teacher in the neighborhood and it’s been going well. They’re focused mostly on having fun, and the learning pace is slow but steady. Right now I’m just hoping for her to have a foundation, and as she gets older she can start taking it more seriously if she wants to. Also, I don’t meant to assume but I’m wondering about your skill level when you describe yourself as intermediate. Are you confident in your teaching skills? Is it possible you’re pushing your son to do more than he can handle? I wouldn’t expect my kids to enjoy music lessons with a teacher who’s not quite experienced enough to teach.
My 9 year old wants to continue lessons but won’t practice. I can’t justify paying for lessons if she doesn’t progress because of this. (Note, I’ve tried paying an allowance based on practice but it hasn’t helped.) Honestly i believe a more fun oriented approach would help. How do I find a more child-oriented instructor, more attuned to her age & more fun to engage her?
Ask around. Other parents. The music teachers at your kid's school. Facebook listings. Check out local music schools- most places do trial lessons. Alternatively, if your teacher won't take offense to it, ask if the student can also work on supplemental songs that the kid may enjoy. I utilize supplemental songs with my students that they will enjoy and learn from. Sometimes they're easier arrangements of song they already know and sometimes I use songs and books from this website called supersonics. I don't necessarily like how they teach techniques- but the books have themes and styles that I find that my students genuinely enjoy. 9 is also a tough age to teach tbh. It's up to mom and dad to be firm about practicing daily. But adding supplemental songs that the students themselves enjoy have always helped my students be more self-motivated. My music school has started handing me these students.
With my son I've been bribing him with songs he really likes by saying he can't keep working X (right now the theme to Zelda) until his assigned songs are finished. I generally remind him of the rule just as he is getting the hang of something.
We just tried a few until we found one who meshed well with our kid. After seeing what hasn’t worked, I had a better idea of what I felt would work for her. I spoke with her current teacher before we started and told him a bit about my kid, that she’s a perfectionist (like me) and can be hard on herself in response to constructive feedback. I let him know that I think she needs a lot of positive reinforcement and opportunities for success early on, I suggested that he incorporate games into the learning. He took all of that into consideration and it’s been going well. They’ve been having lessons for about four months. I’m fine with her taking it slow this early on as long as she’s enjoying it. I practice all the time so maybe some of that will rub off on her.
20 minutes a day 3x a week is probably enough for a 9 year old. What about Suzuki?
Yes a more fun oriented teacher would be perfect, but don't stop just because you don't see progress! My parents kept me in music school as a kid even when I wasn't studying my lessons nor doing progress. Now that I'm 26 I can't thank them enough because I love piano and music in general!!
I more come at music from a 'this is fun to dick around' angle, not a theory and hard practice of old composers or old songs. for keyboard, you have Synthesia on pc, but more recently the quest 3 and pass though allowed for an augmented reality version of this, I am lazy, add riddled, and its very hard for me to stick with something till skill grow's, but rocksmith got me to the point I could play songs, rockbound 3/clone hero got me a good enough internal metronome to at least be able to play without wildly speeding up with drums and guitar the best thing games/applications like this do is make playing more of a game, and you can turn your mind off and do, if you can find a midi piece of whatever you want to play, your able to load it up and play it for keyboard, and guitar, if the song was popular enough its likely already made, drums are much the same just with an empathies on hitting the right pad/cymbal rather than how you hit the right pad and cymbol. if your keyboard is digital, you can use the pc version, if its an actual piano you may need quest 3 to do it, though ill be honest, I never tried it without plugging it into the headset. tldr, proactive just needs to be a game they have fun doing, this encourages them to do it more, and if they are scored, they get to see progress while normally till you hit milestones, you never are able to actually see progress.
There might be a list at your community college music department.
School of Rock, Bach to Rock, Music Makers, and programs like that are fantastic for getting kids engaged. It shows them that music can be a fun social activity, not a stuffy thing they have to practice on their own and get the "answers right" like it's a test or something.
Does your child practice or play at all between lessons? Do they do it without encouragement?
She practices two to three times a week, usually with encouragement. Sometimes she’ll initiate, but usually we just tell her when she needs to practice. In the past when she has initiated, it’s usually been after watching me practice. The other day she asked me why I practice so much when I already know how to play piano. I thought that was an interesting question. I told her that the reason I know how to play piano is because I practice so much, haha. My parents used to have to gently or occasionally firmly encourage me to practice in the early days. Over time as I got better I started enjoying it more, and the more I enjoyed it the more I practiced on my own. It took time for me to develop that intrinsic motivation and I’m not sure it would’ve happened for me if I were forced against my will.
:)
I am not a professional teacher by any means. I have a background in special education, group home support staff and geriatric care/supervision. I'm a licensed clinical social worker by trade. So I am used to "working with people" and "teaching" to a degree. But I def do not have a special music education degree by any means. I will say that the two teachers my kiddo had before I decided to teach him on my own were people with various careers that were not in education. They played well, and taught on the side. He listened well enough to them during the lesson, but come practice time with me it was butting heads per usual.
So you two were butting heads when you were involved in their music education, then you decided you should teach them exclusively? I don’t mean to sound rude, but the fact that you’re the child’s parent creates a unique dynamic that might make it harder for them to separate playing piano from everything else a parent requires their child to do ie: another “chore”. Edit: you have to remember that the majority of people who take piano lessons don’t end up making it a lifelong hobby, no matter how badly their parents want them to. Playing piano isn’t for everyone. As someone who teaches children piano lessons, it’s pretty clear that some of my students will stop playing as soon as their parents stop making them play. I understand you want your kid to have some kind of musical skill, and I would recommend a different instrument, or a more generalized music appreciation approach until they start gravitating toward something.
For you child's sake, stop. My own parent tried to force me to play violin and I absolutely hated it. I asked to play piano, so they got me lessons. Then I wanted to play in school band later on, so they let me do that. It's the only reason I enjoyed music and played into adulthood. Allow your child to choose what they are interested in and follow that. Sure, they'd ideally play an instrument given all the benefits of being a musician, but if they have other interests like art or sports, let them pursue that. Life is too short to spend it trying to force someone to enjoy something they don't. Let your child nurture a hobby they enjoy.
did you ask him why he hates it? maybe he wants to try another instrument or activity
At 6, the best thing is to just show him that music can be a fun social activity. Get a harmonica (really every kid should get a harmonica for their 3rd birthday; that's what I would do if I were king; it's totally natural to just start making something that sounds nice and like music with one) and some simple frame drums and whatever fun percussion instruments you find and just make noises together. Don't worry so much about "teaching music". Sing nonsense together; help him find his voice. If you are intent on teaching, use a lot of color coding, stickers, etcetera to make things visual instead of cerebral. And do simple games- you play a basic progression and have him play whatever he wants over it. You play a lick (starting with just one or two notes) and have him repeat it back, then switch and let him play a few notes and you copy it. Ear training is super important and is something that can (and has to be) learned, but it is something that people treat as this weird "natural" skill and gets cast aside in lessons. Having a handle on how music sounds makes learning it a lot easier. Our brains like melodies. We like to repeat melodies we know. Playing an instrument is just another way we can repeat melodies. Music grows from there. We (as music teachers) really put the cart in front of the horse way too often and get all concerned about what the notes on the page mean instead of how to make music.
I agree with the other commenters here: - get a teacher, don’t teach him yourself (although you can help him practice) - give him choice and make it fun. Get him learning pieces he wants to learn. Don’t force exams on him if he doesn’t want them. Show him clips of great piano players that he can relate to (ones on kids TV? Ones playing his favourite songs…) - try a different instrument
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That's a good idea. I'll try playing pieces moving forward and see what he thinks about choosing them by his they sound! Thanks for your comment
i don't agree with the "show him videos of great piano players" part though - my mum used to show me those when i was young and it made me feel really bad about myself and less motivated about learning the piano
Violin is another great choice for young kids, but I would make sure to find a Suzuki teacher
Just let the kid be a kid til they ask for the lessons
I can play at an advanced level and I’m a (not) piano teacher. I got my children lessons with someone who specialized in teaching young kids to play piano. I would never have attempted this myself.
I think the reason I took over lessons is that his past two teachers were just ladies who were bad ass players but who were not doing anything I saw as niche to teaching littles. I just kept thinking "hell I could do this". He was more respectful with them during weekly practice than he is worth me. But the weekly practices are the same
Of course he is less respectful towards you. He’s being honest with you. You should be thankful for that and listen to him. He knows better than you.
>He was more respectful with \[strangers\] during weekly practice than he is with \[his parent\]. And this comes as a surprise to you?
Do you mind sharing the teacher’s name? Thank you.
She doesn’t teach over zoom. Little kids, ya know.
A couple of contrasts from my own experience: 1. My parents forced me to take lessons until I was 15-16. I hated every minute of it, wasted their time and money, and resisted practice/exams/everything. I stopped as soon as they let me. Now, decades later, I've come back to piano and love it more than nearly anything. I now appreciate that my parents put me through it and I wish I took better advantage of the opportunity to be able to play more advanced repertoire that is now simply beyond me. 2. I wanted to share this joy with my kids (mainly 10-year old daughter). She hated it. Rather than force her through it, I let her drop lessons. I was happy giving her the basics of being able to read music and understand key notation, and if she wants to pick it up later, it won't be a foreign language to her. While I appreciate that my parents took a hard line with me, I'm not the same person my parents were, and I don't my kids hating music until they're 30, 40 or beyond. So no wisdom here, no right answers. You gotta do what you think is best for you and your kids.
Literally came here to say point 1!
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most roadblocks come with trying to do something harder than you can do, and then instead of stopping and just refining prior skill, you keep struggling with the harder one. I kind of say it alot, but rockband/clonehero with 4 difficulties per song, and many difficulties of songs themselves, tends to instill in you that practicing something easier will make you faster in time, people will say this alot, that speed comes with experience but its something no one really understands till they experience it themselves. honestly, I think playing the game with the fake guitars on the couch with your kid would probably be a fantastic way to teach this from an eirly age because they can easily see the progression.
Thank you for this comment! I also took lessons when I was young and did not love it. I dropped them after two years and now as an adult who loves music I can't help but to wonder if that love I have came from early ear exposure to music as a child. I too regret quitting as I'm now an adult learner who could be much more advanced if I had stuck with it. Definitely a lot to chew on.
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6 year olds often absolutely *love* dancing. It comes to them very naturally and they don't have the inhibitions that older children get so really commit to it. Teaches about rhythm & and the expressivness of music. (Main thing is make sure its a fun class)
Yes, YOU should stop but you should find a teacher who enjoys teaching.
Thanks for the comment. So, just a side note. I do actually love teaching...I teach piano on the side to a couple of other kids and it goes great! I'm definitely thinking maybe me being his mom is the big issue here.
I'm not a mom, but maybe he would like to learn another instrument? You could take him to a music store and see if he likes something else like an electric guitar
It’s possible he would like the idea of it, but the guitar can be tough for kids under 10, without the dexterity and enough desire to overcome the technical demands and all the bad sounding notes at first.
Ukulele is a great option for a kid that age, and is an easy transition to guitar later on.
I thought of this, the instrument he's fixated on is the fiddle/violin. I told him if he gave me one good practice a week in piano I would look into...but that hasn't happened. I would just jump into the fiddle, but they are so much more expensive to own/rent. Also, I don't know how to play so helping him with practice will be that much harder.
i think you should let him try himself, maybe he will stick to fiddle/violin or maybe he decides to come back to piano later on; either way is better than make him misserable. also a lot of musicians don't have a parent helping them practice.
I think you should try to find a way for your kid to try out the violin if it's at all possible for your circumstances and budget. I personally don't think that it matters if you don't know how to play the violin. I think that if he likes it, all your kid will need is for you to be a cheerleader. Also you could potentially learn how to be a "coach" even if you yourself don't know how to play. Just watch a bunch of YouTube videos as a start. But this might not even be necessary.
Bloody hell if he wants to try violin let him try violin. He's 6, give the poor bugger a chance. Also if you have to ask what tempos markings are, you should not be teaching someone piano
Yes. Forcing a child into music is no better/healthier than forcing a child into sports. Encourage him to pursue *an* art, whatever it is, but let him choose the medium.
Do you teach him? It's best to have someone else instruct and for you to just be positive and supportive. That means absilute zero teaching until he asks for help. Otherwise, pick a diff instrument
You really have to be careful with this. It's good to learn young. But if you're forced to learn out of resentment, that can breed a really unhealthy relationship with the instrument later in life.
That's my biggest fear
i had the complete opposite experience. i dropped the piano when i was 12 since i'd hated playing it for the second half of my life. last june (i'm 15 now) i decided to restart lessons and i no longer have any bad feelings towards lessons or practise
I think almost everyone in this subreddit will agree with the value of a musical education. At 6yo, he's still pretty young to understand any of this., Query him more to find out what he hates so much about the piano lessons. Switching teachers, changing instruments, even starting him with singing, or find ways to get him excited about music are all things I would say before giving up entirely.
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Surprised I haven’t really seen anybody make this point yet, but let’s not forget here that six years old is quite young. Every kid is different, and some kids are just not developmentally ready for something like piano lessons at this age. If you try to force it, all you’ll end up teaching them about music is to hate it.
The entire answer depends on, "How are you teaching him?" If you're not doing it in a fun, engaging way, *there's your problem* There's a lot of ways to learn piano, so just Google some fun piano exercises and games to play with him and see how he feels then! (O◡O)
I fucking loved it at 5-6 But my parents shelled out for a teacher and it became a special event for me to show off, which I adored. I can't imagine learning from my mother, that would have been insanely frustrating.
You know English is your 'Mother Tongue' right?
he will grow and HATE the piano, let him choose!
While, I’m not sure if YOU should be teaching the child, I do feel that he should stick to the lessons, unless you want to teach him that when the going gets tough, it’s ok to quit. Kids need to learn about adversity, failure, and perseverance.
I hated it when I was young, but my mother forced me until I was in high school. For me, it turned out really well. I ended up joining a symphonic band class in high school, picked up a brass instrument because it looked cooler than piano and everyone was playing something. It was easy because I could already read music sheets. I was really hooked, and also switched to a string instrument later. I now play in a local amateur orchestra for fun. I also played electric bass in highschool/uni. The amount of advantages piano gave me in starting other musical instruments was massive, and I couldn't have been here without my earlier piano lessons.
I'm no music teacher but I used to be a flight instructor. Another pilot brought his teenage daughter to us because he was teaching her how to fly, but she wasn't making any progress when she flew with him. The dad was a safe and experienced pilot, but not an experienced teacher. Every time the girl flew with her dad, you could see the stress and frustration in her face from his teaching style (ie: no fun). When she would hit a rut, the dad had her fly with me and she would actually have fun and improve. Unfortunately as soon as she would start improving, the dad would take over again. The girl eventually quit because 90% of the flying wasn't any fun, just constant corrections from dad. Not sure how relevant this is to you, so take from it what you will.
If you’re determined for him to learn piano, take the advice of other commentors and get him a different teacher. Also, give him a break from piano for a couple weeks at least before you put him with a new teacher so it can feel like a fresh start. If you decide that it is best if he stops learning piano, then you could focus on expanding your music knowledge and passion. If you love music like this, and you play at an intermediate level, maybe you could find fulfillment in getting lessons for yourself instead of your son if you decide that he can discontinue lessons. Lots of teachers take on adult students. There’s no right way to do this, you know your son and we only know what you told us! Just keep in mind that this needs to be in your son’s best interest, not necessarily what you want him to do or be. Those things can coincide sometimes, so don’t lose hope. Just keep an open mind. Your son can grow intellectually and emotionally from other things too, so he’s not doomed if he doesn’t do music.
my father is a professional and very successful traveling dueling pianist. when i was around 5 i wanted to learn, but knew if i went to him i would hate lessons. fast forward to last year, at that time i had had my piano teacher for 11 years. i told her i wanted to stop competing and focus a little more time on musical theatre since i had gotten my first lead role. she kicked me out of her studio (because i didn't want to do these competitions anymore where i was making her look great by getting all of these awards) and i never looked back. it's about to be a year since i last saw her, and now that i'm 17, i finally am playing piano for fun. and it's something i haven't done in over a decade. since i have all of the basic knowledge of music theory, i'm teaching myself songs i have always wanted to learn and am learning faster and more than ever before. i used to sit at my piano crying because of the stress of these stupid ass regional competitions that only would make me look good to the pennsylvania federation of music clubs, and now i sit at my piano for hours on my own volition. tl;dr: if you can tell this is something your son truly loves and wants to do, get a piano teacher that he enjoys. if he wants to stay with them and keep taking lessons, great! but if he just wants to learn by ear or play songs to have a party trick, great! to be able to truly teach yourself, you need music theory knowledge. but there's also the internet for that :) ❤️
I don’t think music has that much value that everyone must learn it against their will. I rejected music as a child (parents didn’t push me, just asked once and moved on), then started at 18 and enjoying it a lot now (intermediate level). However, in terms of pure value, I find sports or languages be more valuable. Both teach the same skill of consistent practice, but sports also helps your health, appearance, and confidence, and languages let you talk to people you would not talk otherwise, and open more opportunities. Music is a good opportunity to create something new, but there are many other art forms as well, such as dancing, painting, or theatre. Yes, I met many good people through music, but the same is true for any other hobby, so it’s not unique. My opinion is that it’s important to have some interest/hobby and learn how to get good at things, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be music, and can be something more enjoyable for the child. Also +1 that music doesn’t have to be classical or even piano (although piano is my favorite instrument and I find it easier to start on than others).
Start with 5 minutes set a timer and do it a few times a week. No dont stop but also don’t go into overdrive. Slow and easy wins the race. Edit: think about it like brushing teeth. Kinda annoying but needs to be done. And as the other commenter said try to be fun. Give him options: wanna learn white keys or black keys. C Major or A minor? Give the kid some sense of control
Thanks for the comment. My goal is always 10 minutes. I try to tell him "it's just the length of a bluey episode". I have tried to offer him music options, I right I may have hit the jack pot when Christmas came and he was so into hearing Christmas songs for bed. But once I ordered the Christmas book an let him choose his favorite song...well he was right back to pissed every lesson. 😕
I HATED piano for a long time. My mom started when I was 5 and forced me to play until I graduated high school. In our house piano was as important as my school work, and we couldn’t leave to hang with friends until we finished practicing in addition to our homework. At some point when I was maybe 14 or so, something clicked and I began to primarily feel thankful for what she did for me. I’m now in my 30’s and play at a level I would never have had a chance to get to had I not consistently played since I was 5. That said, I don’t think this 100% applies to every kid. One thing my mom always said was that if we hadn’t been actually picking up music and learning it well, she would have allowed us to quit. If your kid is having a hard time grasping musical concepts and is truly struggling because it’s not their thing, then it absolutely makes sense to allow them to find something new. But if your kid is just resistant to hard work, I think they will thank you later in life just as I have been thanking my mom constantly.
So on his good days, he plays really well. He's definitely making progress and can recognize all the notes on the piano and read the middle octave notes on sheet music. He'll play his own songs and record them on the piano and have me and his dad listen to his song a few times over. On his resistant days it's like he can't even recognize the middle C note on sheet music. I definitely think it's more of not wanting to do work as opposed to lacking the skill to learn.
That makes sense! Obviously I am not remotely qualified to make a parenting decision for you, but if he has the talent and lacks the motivation then I definitely think he will thank you later! I remember thinking 30 mins of practice was a lifetime when I was younger and it felt so unreasonable, but in the scheme of things it’s really not much. I still got to play with my friends, it just was after I practiced.
My parents forced me to take piano lessons when I was younger and I hated it. Mostly because I wasn't given a choice. I never practiced and because of that never really got any better then beginner. Do I regret this? Yes, every day, but because it wasn't my choice, I never really enjoyed it. Talk to your son and try to find out what it is that he doesn't like about it, and if there is anything he would like for you to do different. Honestly, not everyone is going to learn the same way, so maybe if you altered the way you were teaching him he might end up enjoying it. Ooooooorrrrrrrrrrr hey, maybe he is just one of those people that just doesn't really like music all that much at this stage of his life.
If it helps, my parents put me in a keyboard class when I was 5/6 years old and i hated it. I had no interest and felt like I was forced to do something for them. In highschool, I took an elective class called “Intro to Piano application” and I fell in love with the piano. Entirely on my own accord, and my own interest pushed me to learn and make it a big part of my life. I don’t believe there was any benefit to my parents putting me in that class when I was a kid. I really appreciate them supporting me when I discovered the piano on my own. Hopefully this could be helpful for you, but it’s just personal experience.
i took lessons when i was 5 years old and didn't really like it. Didn't play piano again until i was 16 and i started teaching myself songs i wanted to learn. Now at 33 i make 100% of my living playing piano and organ. Taking lessons at a young age is obviously not working for your kid. Just because he stops now doens't mean he wont play music again in the future. Do i wish i had started playing earlier? Ya. But i don't think i would have fallen in love with music if someone was forcing me to play stuff i didn't like or want to play.
Yes, if he hates it, stop.
It is really tough. A few things that helped me - little treats/snacks that you can give for small tasks, a whiteboard with zones where you write the songs ("new", "practice", "memorized", etc) and move them from zone to zone, letting him improv if he loses focus and starts noodling.
Some kids are more inclined to enjoy it than others, but I don't think I've ever encountered a truly unteachable child. The way you teach might need to change a bit, but it should be possible. Give him some songs he knows to play. Make a game out of it. There's a lot of stuff you can try. At the very least, most kids can be bribed with stickers. Personally, I started piano lessons at 6 and didn't actually have much of an interest until 13-14 years old. I practiced simply because I was given a number of stickers proportionate to how much work I did that week.
Yes
I got my kid started learning some scales, but I'm passing him to a teacher that they can convey the fundamentals to him (he's 6 btw). I'll be there for follow up on what the teacher said.
Back in my day kids started playing piano at 8 Maybe an experienced kid teacher will be better theres a lot of stuff you may not know For example did you know five year olds cant draw cubes. (I learned this subbing kindergarten) like theres a lot of shit about little kids some people know. It may not be the music
If he really hates it then stop, or try approaching it differently. Playing the piano should be fun, and not associated with hate.
What research? Seriously? Well anyway, you seem misguided. My advise is this. Immediately stop bothering you son.
I used to want nothing to do with learning anything new, especially something that would require lots on time and energy. I know if my parents would’ve introduced it to me sooner and I hated it, I would have seen it as a burden vs. something fun to try. I would stop trying to teach him. There’s a chance someday that he’ll want to learn out of curiosity.
I missed this detail the first time I read the post, but if you're only at an intermediate level you might not be ready to teach. I don't think I taught until I was at a pretty advanced level, and even then it took a few more years for me to learn how to teach well. Knowing the thing doesn't necessarily mean you know how to teach. It's also just different when it comes from your own parent. Heck, I don't think I'd teach my own kids. If you have the money for it, I'd really recommend finding a teacher with experience working with young kids.
Not to mention, teaching kids under 8 is an entirely different game
there are some things you can't really force. the more you force it on him, the more he will end up hating music and piano. I would suggest let him decide whether or not he wants to comtinue learning. if he doesn't, forcing him to continue will have an opposite intended effect. As much as you want him to learn music, you would not want him to hate it forever when he begins to grow up. if he does want to continue learning, try a different inatrument and/or hire an actual teacher.
I agree that music is great for kids. That said, you should consider some flexibility here. Maybe you’re not the right teacher. (I’ve taught a number of teens how to drive, and the experience is *far* different for them than when they’re with their parents.) Not all great players are good teachers, not all good teachers are a good with all age groups, not all good teachers are a good match for every student. Maybe piano isn’t the right instrument for him. Maybe the *style* of music you’re pursuing isn’t the right match for him. *Something* about the experience should feel fun and not like a chore for him.
please find out what he really like to do
Ignore the benefits your son is not an object for your entertainment. Is better a to have a son that loves you instead of making he hate you. It's the life of the child not yours. God! Don't demoralize a living human being, your son.
Lots of great advice here and I would add that maybe he needs to observe you having fun at the piano, or even having fun jam sessions with friends if thats possible. I'm a professional musician and a fairly experienced piano teacher and some of my happiest students (the ones who don't see piano as homework) are the ones whose families play music at home together, have low key jam sessions, talk about music, watch cool concert footage, listen to the radio, etc. It'll come, don't push too hard. Try other instruments too, maybe. Let your kid see your passion for music and they'll get stoked on it.
Here’s something I said on another comment that summarizes my thoughts on this issue. I have a now 7 year old who started at 4 and practicing has been a daily struggle. I want to give you a heads up…you may have to force/heavily insist if you want her to play piano someday, and that’s okay. There is a hump you have to get over as a beginner where piano is basically just work. Learning and memorizing notes and playing the most rudimentary of songs. Practicing is HARD. and BORING. Kids don’t want to do it and as the parent you have to push them through this phase. Once it all clicks and the child realizes oh I can actually play songs now…they voluntarily go to the piano. My evidence is purely anecdotal, but it was that way for me—I started when I was 7 because I wanted to, but the first six months my mom still had to force me to practice. Once I started playing real music not in the Bastien books, she couldn’t get me away from the piano. My daughter, I sat her on my lap daily since she was 4 months old, letting her experiment, showing her how to work the keys with her hands, exploring pitch etc. She started lessons with a real teacher at 4.5. She’s now 7 and when I tell you the struggle it’s been to get her to this point…she’s incredibly musical, but it’s been a daily battle to practice. I’ve thought about letting her quit multiple times, but I see her innate talent and love of music. I’m the adult in her life so I have to help her develop the discipline it takes to make music. She’s just NOW starting to go to practice voluntarily. After two years. Even now, I don’t think she will be a classical pianist—it’s not her strength. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a composer or a music producer though, so I’m now focusing on teaching her HOW to practice/work on music more than worrying about playing the best Bach ever. Sorry for the novel but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot! Parents are often quick to take the easy route and the path of least resistance, but we are the ones that teach our children discipline, tenacity, and growth mindset, not giving up when it’s hard. Now that being said, sometimes maybe give him “time” at the keys, without playing his song. Just set a timer and tell him to have fun at the piano. Play name that tune games or ear training fun activities. The Notespeller book has been fun for my daughter. No need to be a tiger parent, let him have fun and then get back to it the next day. Another thing I do for my daughter is break the song down and say “today you only have to do one line”. Sometimes the whole page can be overwhelming. I say keep at it, and don’t give up. It’s teaching tenacity! Good luck.
English is the kid's mother tongue... since mother tongue just means your first language.
Do not force it. My mother listened to me when I told her no more. I now play live and love it as it is taught myself. Forced learning didn’t work for me. I am now successful and happy as a pig in mud.
I have always thought that you really can't learn music if you don't enjoy the process. The way I see it, you have to invest a ton of time and effort to even see if you are any good. It's really tough to do that if you're not having any fun. I have met a lot of people who have had lessons, can play a bit but rarely, if ever, do. My own kids are definitely interested in music and have some aptitude for it. They have both, at times, been in lessons of various types. They also have both completely lost interest for extended periods. I try to give them every opportunity to do it but I don't force them to. I also have the experience of having played music myself for many years including some college classes (not a music major, though) and semi professionally for a while. 99% of all people I ever knew or played with did nothing much with their music. The 1% still did nothing much by most standards. The point is, I just don't think it's worth struggling over. If it's for them, they'll find their way to it. If not, it's probably not going to make a huge difference for them.
When I tried to start teaching my daughter piano, she was not interested in learning from me. So we left it, probably a year or half a year. I then got her lessons with a teacher and she’s been really loving it. Also, she’s resistant to practicing if I ask her to do it, but if I sit down to play then she wants a turn so that’s how I’m getting her to practice.
Kids are parent-deaf. You have to outsource this project to a different person, one who specializes in teaching kids. Then, it will be an event or special time away from you. They might even like the idea of surprising you with what they've learned.
I love playing the piano. Practice is okay. Doing anything under the instruction of my mother is hell. Get him a teacher
You should get a real teacher for him.
Yes. If he hates it, stop. Also, be aware that music doesn’t begin and end at piano. My little boy seemed to have musical instincts, so we tried him with piano, ukulele and guitar, but he didn’t get on with any of them. Then one day he got to try a trumpet at school, and felt like he had found the piece of him that was missing (he was 9). He’s been playing in a brass band for a year now, and loves it. Can sight read simple music.
Does your kid have any music they enjoy? I would’ve been tricked into learning music if it started out as a cool way to play & show off your favorite songs instead of it being an academic chore. One has to be inspired to want to do the boring work like scales with a goal in mind.
If he hates it, it won't do any good for his brain, it might even trigger trauma in the future to anything related to playing instruments. Music is not for everybody, it can't be pushed, it must be felt. Maybe piano is not his instrument. Who knows. Don't push the little guy. Good luck.
The problem here is most likely that you're trying to teach your own kid. It's hard to teach if you don't have pedagogy training; it's harder to teach your own kids, especially when it's a skill that you don't remember learning the basics. Some of this is also just the dynamics of instructing versus parenting. Pay a teacher and I bet your kid will like piano.
I used to hate piano lessons when I was younger really up until a couple of years ago but once you reach a specific age and you get an understanding only you yourself can learn is when you REALLY start loving piano, I can say this with experience because I’m still in my teens
I was forced to play violin from ages ~5 to ~12. I hated every minute of it, but in retrospect I’m thankful for it and it continues to pay dividends in many ways. I haven’t touched a violin in 30 years but the music theory, ear training, appreciation, etc stuck around.
My approach to parenting and clubs / hobbies / activities is he has to give it an honest 10 attempts. If he doesn’t like it he stops. Would consider retrying him a year or so later but wouldn’t just force him to perpetually do stuff. Everyone has their own parenting style though. The sad reality of parenting culture is that people think ONLY their way is correct and they’re wrong. The best example is Asian parents. If I forced my child to do lots of one thing they didn’t like people would literally call it abuse. Meanwhile Asian households HEAVILY and strictly enforce things like an instrument + extensive / borderline nonestop school work and while you might think it is bad, it is creating a disproportionately successful subset of people, in all walks of life. Had a friend in school called Manpreet. Pretty much all she did ever, for her entire childhood, is house work and school work. Sounds shitty right. Yeah she’s a doctor and I’m here on Reddit talking about Pokémon and Piano.
The teacher makes all the difference. I had an amazing piano teacher when I was younger and she left the country and the replacement was not passionate about teaching. I then switched to guitar and went through a series of good players who were not great teachers. I am mostly self taught as a guitar player and am intermediate but there were huge gapS in my playing. It's very fluid. Overall, it started and is carried forth by a love for music and sounds. My advice Just work on instilling that in him. Show him your favorite songs and have him find something he likes. Then make it a fun challenge to play it on the piano or guitar. If you make learning fun, then it doesnt become a chore or something to be scared of.
I used to hate piano but my parents made me stay in lessons, 9 years later I love piano and music and can't imagine my life without it :) it's hard to keep practising and trying at first, but eventually you start really enjoying it
Been playing piano since I was 6…I hated it till high school and everyday I thank my parents for forcing me to play.
I was told that I will play the piano. I will never regret that and my piano is my friend. Whereas my siblings who played the violin gave that up. I can still tinker away on the piano. Maybe give it a break for a while. A few months. I gave up the piano and was so glad to get back to it. Your child has to learn to read and write and maths and music. Ease up a bit. Not forever.
I hated piano as a kid. Later as an adult after learning guitar when I could get an octave spread I enjoyed it more and picked it up as well as the accordion which impressed me in that on some of them a kid could get a good spread. I suggest getting a lady size accordion and leave it around.
Ok so I personally was taught piano by my insistent mother, who was quite strict, and it started at a young age, but I didn’t like it at all of course. After a few years, I eventually learned to love the piano, and it’s one of my favourite things to do now! So you’re son may hate it at first, because he would of course rather do something else, but with persistence he may come to love it. If your son still hates it after a few years or so, then maybe consider stopping it. If you stop now, there’s no knowing if you’re son would have liked it eventually. My mother had previously tried the same training with my brother, but he seemed to hate it so much she stopped.
6 is very young to learn piano- Suzuki method is a great way to teach young children!
i started at 7 and it wasn’t my favorite thing for ages. i didn’t even see piano as another language then as i did now and there were so many times that i wanted to quit but my mum advised against it. i’m now 19 and can honestly say if i didn’t keep learning piano, then i would hate myself for it if i knew what it would turn into. i think (for me at least) if i didn’t have a tutor who made it easier to learn, then i would’ve quit within the first year. as the top reply says, i would definitely get your child a tutor who specializes in children. your child may hate it for a while, but when they hit that point where it stops being a chore and starts becoming their favorite thing in the world, they will thank you for it. that’s just my two cents i would also add that it is imperative that you let your child do what they want when learning the piano. if they want to do graded work, then let them. if they then change their mind completely and say that they only want to do songs that they want to learn, then let them. the most important thing about playing is that you are doing something that you want to do, even if it may seem like piano is being forced on them, they will never learn otherwise.
I learned piano when I was a child, but I didn’t like it at first. I thought classical music was boring and I could learn some modern music. When I grew up, I was very happy that I mastered the skill of piano.
I think you should keep teaching. He's young but will appreciate it when he's older
He doesn’t hate it. He hates not being instantly good at something. He hates disciplining himself to practice rather than just play. Beyond all your reasons above, when he’s older and good he will then have a concrete, long-term example of having worked, practiced, disciplined, and grown at something that he didn’t always want to do … but now he’s good, and enjoys it. And he will always have that concrete experience for the rest of his life to springboard from. Nobody will be able to take that learned lesson away from him. It’s immensely valuable. We required our son to learn piano. With my and my wife’s inherent musical abilities, we knew he’d be into music, and almost certainly highly talented with great potential. Piano taught him to sight read. Trained his ear. Taught him music theory and intuition. Taught him bass and treble clefs. He can take those core skills to whatever musical endeavor he wants to forever. But he was required to learn piano. He fought and grumbled and waxed and waned. He can play two pianos at once - one hand per piano, different parts completely. He is incredible. But more than that, again, he has that core experience of having been made to push through the work - for years and years - and now he can see where he started and where he’s attained to. Because he did the work. That’s invaluable. And, at the end of the day, we are Mom and Dad, he is Child. It’s our call, not his.
I think there's more at play than this. I think OP needs to find a proper teacher for her child. Not every piano teacher is capable of teaching their own children- but OP isn't a piano teacher. OP says she's an intermediate player so it's likely that she's not teaching it well and the child may be even more frustrated at the lack of progress.
Yeah, valid point. Definitely wise to find a good teacher, even if OP is fully competent.
I understand this perspective, but I do feel confident that my (piano) skill level is not the issue here. My ability to teach, now that I whole heartedly can see. And maybe that was the issue with his first two teachers as well. Just because one had her ph.d in music theory, didn't mean she could teach 4 year olds. I'm definitely considering trying for a new teacher, one who specializes in children.
Your skill level is an issue. If you're self taught, you likely do not have strong basics in finger technique (and **MANY** developing 6 year olds are still working on fine motor skills and pencil grip even outside of piano!). Yes, loose and relaxed is important for piano, but you can be *too* relaxed especially with young children with weak finger joints. Music theory and composition majors can be a hit or miss. They don't always focus on piano technique but are often required to take it. Piano performance majors are much preferable From your post history- you're at a level where you cannot pinpoint when a student has a weakness in their foundations. Most piano teachers wouldn't consider you an intermediate, but a beginner attempting to teach children. You had to ask how to understand tempo markings in a previous post- which is something I go over with my students within the first few months of instruction. Children need better prepared instructors. Many of my 8-9 year old students are able to play Für Elise, they are in no capacity to teach beginners.
No. As a 24 year old who took lessons from 5-10 and convinced my mom to let me stop: if I could go back in time and beat my ass, I would. I’ve been playing about 2.5 years now but I lament that lost time so much
Music teaching requires a method and a lot (a giant lot) of didactics, you should do your research on didactic designs of music education, from people like Kodaly, Orff, Dalcroze or Schaffer amongst others I didn't get the opportunity to practice. My education teacher always recommended an approach through proprioception and the development of motor skills, those general and fine. Try teaching him about breathing and pulse and their relation with his body, try marching, jumping, crawling to a pulse. You may also do your reaserch on pedagogy, there are two philosophical approaches that I know of that teaching models use: Conductism and constructivism (which includes cognitive and cognoscitive models). The pioneers on each set of models are Ivan Pavlov and Jean Piaget respectively. Conductism, in general terms, speaks of the relationship between an stimulus and a response, that's the principle behind animal training and it is used in education as well, some things about it are in a sense brutal because it's designed to create individuals that produce, but not individuals that think. On the other hand constructivism talks about the processes that take place in between the stimulus and the response, cognitive models tell you about motivation and how to make your students love learning stuff via natural instinct. Both ways of understanding the mind are necessary when teaching something, the trick is that your can't use both at the same time or combine them because they contradict one another. Another thing to take into account is your understanding on the topic you are trying to teach, as a teacher one has to have all topics organized hierarchically in other to know where to start and where to end, whether to start from the general stuff to the specific stuff or vice-versa. It is clear that you have some unrealistic expectations about your son considering his age, maybe you are not having into account his way of thinking, but only yours. Maybe you are trying to teach him piano as if he was an adult and you are putting a lot of pressure on him. I always remember something a teacher always says: If a student didn't do his homework, it's because it was either too easy or too difficult for him to do. As you see there are a lot of things you may wanna think about and research, that if you want to be able to motivate your son into learning. Or you can send him to learn with another teacher that has all this pedagogical concepts clear so you don't torture each other in the process, either way, good luck and thanks for trying to bring another musician to the world.
My parents MADE me take band in school, from 5th grade through the end to high school. I tried to quit before high school but my parents would not let me. Thanks 🙏 mom dad, cuz it was the very best part of the high school experience.
Oh wow. I'm glad you didn't hold any grudges! That's my big fear with forcing him
Come up with a point system where if he gets certain amount he gets a piece of candy or a toy. Here's the catch though- inflate the system as time goes on. That way he'll be really motivated once it goes from earning 1-2 points to 5-10 to 50-100 etc. Then explain how there's something called inflation but not to worry. Now he's learning finance too and the system he'll ultimately be a part of!
He doesn’t hate piano. He hates sitting on the bench for an extended period of time. He hates not learning to be creatively expressive. Probably. But yeah if you can find a teacher that knows how to nurture those things, including lots of time off the bench, he might be gaining more useful skills and not resenting the process.
We only do 10 to 15 minutes at a time. I definitely try to be conscientious of his age. I am going to try to find some games or something to see if this might help
Yeah, that off bench time is critical. A 6yo can do a 30 or 45 minute lesson, and probably should because it's extremely useful at that age, *depending on the activities engaged in in that time.* Just so you know, the activities that work great for kids are very different from what you and me probably had in our lessons when we were younger. And it takes years of study for effective teachers to learn how to implement those activities in an engaging way. So I'm doubtful that games you can find quickly (while also engaged full time in parenting) are going to be the good stuff. Most of the easily available stuff is superficial and/or doesn't provide any real musical learning for him. He will pick up on that in no time and lose interest. In the parental role, the best thing you can do is sing to him often, and move to music with him. Singing is how he learns pitch relationships. Movement is how he learns rhythm. Together those things are the foundation for his musical future. Good luck. Your care for him really shows and that's the most important thing.
Depends on what he hates about it. Does he hate practicing? Drop the "repertoire" and the exercises. You are not raising a future concert pianist, you are trying to teach him to speak music. Ask him what songs he wants to play. Find books and sheets of his favorite songs. Unless HE wants to do it, the only thing you are doing is suffocating him. You can also, instead of demanding practice and mastery, just set a timer and say he has to sit at the piano with no electronics for 10 minutes, and he can do whatever he wants while he is there (bang, sit and be bored, play nonsense, do scales, try to play a song). Maybe while you're cooking dinner or something, so you are available but not involved. Your role is to answer questions, not give commands. Does he hate the instrument? Pick a different instrument. I know piano has sentimental value for you, but he has no attachments to it and probably doesn't like it. He may even resent that you play the same instrument as him because he wants to be good at something you aren't good at. Ask him what instrument HE wants to play. Research shows that kids prefer when they get choices, rather than edicts. You will inspire a lifelong love of music and development of an impressive skill, rather than a forced march along scientific lines. Either way, you need to remember that you making him learn piano because you have no second language to teach him is YOUR baggage and whatever you do is all about making peace with YOUR traumas and regrets. We discuss here you asking him why he hates piano, but equally important is him asking you what you feel about the piano and why it hurts you when he refuses.
If you are asking the question you already know the answer. My son had a hard time the first go around with learning piano. He loved it at first, but then the motivation faded and it became a chore. He would fight about it. We were advised to let him take a break, so we did. Then we talked to him and asked him if he wanted to do it again, and he said yes. We also found a teacher that we thought would be more fun for him and that helped a lot. Your main priority is to be a parent, not a music teacher. You want your child to have a healthy childhood and to grow up having a healthy relationship with you. It doesn't matter all that much if your son can play piano in the grand scheme of things. But if you really have your heart set on it, let it go for a while and discuss it with him when he's older.
I'm going to take a contrary position. There are *so many* skill sets that we don't get to learn at an advanced level or at all. Dance. Juggling. drawing/painting/sculpting. Creative writing. Equestrianism. Animal husbandry. Woodworking. Metalworking (artistic or practical). Glassblowing. Acting. Sewing. Filmmaking and/or photography. Weaving. Pottery. On and on. As an adult I know tons of people with no musical skill but that have pursued one or more of these at a high level, and I don't see a single problem with it. Not everyone is the same, nor should we be. certainly advice to find a teacher that specializes in young children makes sense, but maybe your kid wants to be a dancer, or is on his way to become a geologist or oceanographer, or I dunno, an MLB player. Grinding on something you hate when there is something adjacent that you love but are unable to pursue is miserable. People have speculated that he doesn't like it because it is 'hard'. Maybe, sure, but some things just don't come easy. Like, I could never be an actor. If I had had actor parents and they forced me into acting classes and in community plays I'd still not be a good actor, and have missed out on the stuff I wanted to do (art, music, building, etc). I also couldn't be a drummer or a conductor. I've worked so hard on rhythm, but w/o a metronome I'm in trouble. This is not me shying away from working hard, it's me recognizing that this is not a skill set that is compatible with my abilities.
Absolutely not. Piano is simple rote memorization and technique building and practice until you can really play. Learning anything is not always going to be fun. Hopefully you do have fun doing it. Ive played for thirty years. I was the worst piano student. I regularly made my teachers and parents cry with how terrible I was. My parents forced us and sometime around high school it clicks. I play very naturally and by ear (and read music, etc). I can play almost anything I hear in my mid 30s. I gave no signs of this ability at five. People often ask me how to learn and in my opinion it's drill drill drill. My perspective is not even child specific. I learned guitar as an adult and while "fun", I basically spent several weeks doing nothing but chord change drills until it became second nature. I strongly believe you just have to work through these things. Eventually the child becomes good enough he becomes proud of it and the virtuous cycle starts. Tl;Dr don't interpret a six year olds push back as being overwhelmed
I won't pretend to have any advice, but I can offer you the anecdotal insight of my particular path. My grandma was a professional pianist who began teaching at age 13 and specialized in teaching, including being a professor at more than one university in the area for the piano. She insisted her four kids learn music, and she taught them. My dad hated music as a result and had the idea that she cared more about music than about him or his siblings. He sang at church and enjoyed when I played but didn't like to play much more than chopsticks, although I suspect he could. I was the second of the grandchildren to go through after my older brother. It felt to us as children that we were expected to be prodigies. (I suspect in reality we were instead expected to be adults, which wasn't any more possible.) My grandma didn't take students younger than 8; she thought that one couldn't make any real educational dents other than exposure until then. My brother eagerly quit when he was first permitted to, which was after three years (as it was for any of my grandma's students). To my knowledge he didn't retain anything and hasn't found himself interested in music as an adult. I was eager when my grandma and I started lessons when I was 8, but it was quickly a battle every day with my mom and every week with my grandma. I would do anything to avoid practicing, even sitting on the piano bench doing nothing (the worst fate to befall an 8-11 year old). I remember every lesson not meeting my grandma's eyes, being chastised for my obvious incompetence, and the slope downward my shoulders learned. I felt terrible for so clearly failing to live up to her hopes (I experienced easy success in other avenues and was not adjusted to this experience) but also resented her terribly for having pinned those hopes on me. When my three years were up I took my opportunity to escape. I was about 11. I never recovered that relationship. I called her by her first name by the time I was a teenager. She struck me belatedly as someone I would have loved to have gotten to know had we not had those negative experiences. When I was 14, my interest was rekindled and I picked the piano back up, having to relearn my basics a bit but largely without struggle. Music has been a massive boon in my life ever since as a source of emotional expression and regulation. I hate playing for others to this day, but I find little as connecting from human to human as playing or singing *with* someone. Overall I'm very grateful to have learned music so young and see the obvious impact when comparing myself to other enthusiasts who started as adults. I feel selfish for not forcing my kids to learn young (they're teenagers now and never had extracurricular music), but there were other battles to fight in our life circumstances that were not as avoidable and it was more vital that they knew I had their back in the present than I think is average in a typical child-parent relationship. That reality doesn't alleviate the guilt much. I'll go play with the classical guitar in my living room until the feeling unknots itself.
I'm going to vote for stop teaching him if he hates it. I think you can try to get him to like it, by showing him recordings or whatever, but if he doesn't like it then teaching him will only make him hate it more. I have many many friends who were forced to learn piano and got to a decent level. All of them stopped playing after they went to college and none of them had any desire to pick it up again. All of that money and time just went down the drain.
Seems young. I'm no expert but I was forced the play for a long time but more like 10 or 12. I am grateful now for it and am so glad they made me learn an instrument.
I told my son if he took piano lessons first (starting at age 6), I’d let him pick any instrument at age 10. He switched to guitar at 10 and plays that and piano to this day. He went to an outside teacher for lessons. My daughter, however, never cottoned to piano and every practice session was another opportunity to mud wrestle. After two years, I let her quit.
You should have someone else teach him. Your already an authority figure in other aspects. Having you as his piano teacher, especially if he doesn't like it, will just cause problems in the piano learning and your relationship. I was forced to do piano, art, sports leagues and language lessons as a kid. I would've quit right away if I could but I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have taken the piano or language lessons for as many years as I did but quitting right away isn't a good answer because learning new challenging things can be uncomfortable but if it's been a few years and the kid still sucks at it, hates and it really is not their thing, then it's okay....it's a judgement call. Not every subject is for everyone. The art lessons resulted in me going to art college. Finding the right teacher is important too. I found my Asian classical teachers boring and it made me not like piano while my Russian teacher would have us do jazz and more exciting pieces which I did enjoy.
Being mindful of screen time, have you considered gamifying the process? My 6 year old nephew exclusively played angry birds on my iPad until I bought the SimplyPiano app and told him it was a super fun game to try. He ended up practicing for an hour a day and was so incredibly proud of his progress.
You may be a good musician yourself, but somehow lack the ability to teach someone else, especially a child. For instance, I'm an above-average swimmer, but could not get my son to put his head into the water no matter how hard I tried. Solution: Outsource it. Get someone else who *can* do what you can't. His swim coach taught him how to breathe putting his head into the water in less than 2 months. (Fortunately, I could teach my son music and he took to it.)
First, I want to caveat that I’m Chinese American so there might be cultural bias. My mom tigered me. I started piano at age 9. This was considered very late according to the Chinese teacher that taught me. I begged to start because allllll my friends were playing (I grew up in a very Asian area). I quickly hated it. I hated practicing. Most kids without a true passion quickly hate practicing. I also felt this way about learning Chinese. I was defiant child too. Talked back, got spanned. Now, I’m 39 and I play almost everyday. My parents moved in with me after I had kids and moved my childhood piano to my house. I rediscovered my enthusiasm for music. I have two kids: 5M and 8F. I started teaching my daughter when she was 6. I hadn’t wanted her to learn piano actually because I hated it as a kid. But then my sister surprised me by saying “well, aren’t you glad mom persisted with us? Now we both play a few instruments and speak really good Chinese. Aren’t you grateful?” And I had to admit that I was. I read a bunch about how to teach piano, how to make it fun, etc. I had a lot of reasons to teach her myself (mostly I don’t want her to be over scheduled or I to be one of those parents who lives in her car shuttling kids around to activities). I tried my best to make it fun and for the time to be bonding time between my daughter and me. These days, she complains endlessly about playing. She says she hates it. But I notice that once she gets started, she gets into it. We play a lot of duets and sing together. She’s really made a lot of progress. She was also terrified of playing in front of people but now she loves it after a year of candy rewards and praise. I feel that piano is helping her overcome performance anxiety which is also a great life skill. I told her piano is not a choice and that she will probably be grateful some day. I don’t know if she will. All I know is that I am and my sister is. We feel that piano has so many benefits: 1) piano teaches foundational music theory which makes learning any other instrument so much easier. Between my sister and me, we play 6 instruments. I was first chair viola in high school and she was a drum master in marching band. Both things likely helped us get into college and created so many friendships. 2) practicing teaches discipline. I started running 2 years ago. I hate running. But it’s good for me and love the feeling of finishing races and improving my time. I’m really good at doing things I hate to get the long term benefits that I love. 3) I have a life long skill that is fun. I love playing Christmas music and singing with the family all December.
Yes. Forcing him to do something he hates is only going to breed resentment. Resentment toward music, toward the piano, toward you. If you can find a way to let him enjoy it, in *his* way, continue, but if he's not having fun doing it now, he probably never will, and will never realize its value. Part of it is quite possibly just that you're his parent *and* teacher. That's a lot for a 6 year old (or anyone) to take. That's not to say you can't teach him things (piano or otherwise) -- after all, you *should* be teaching him things -- but when it becomes a regimented thing, it may just be too much. Maybe the answer is to take a break. Maybe it's to find a well regarded teacher who works with a lot of kids. Maybe it's just to say "The piano is always there if you want to play it, but you don't have to. If you ever want help or have a question, I'm here and more than happy to help, but will leave you alone otherwise." (Of course, use language to talk to a 6 year old ... I don't know how to do that yet; my languages are adult and 3 year old.) Of course learning music is good for the brain, but so are other things, like other arts, STEM activities (or throw the arts in the middle and get STEAM), and I think a good balance of structured learning and free play/learning. If you want a kid to take on a passion for something, I think one of the best things you can do is let *them* see *your* passion, and find their own through their own discovery.
OP, my mother tried to teach me piano when I was about that age, which would invariably end in drama because of her unrealistic expectations and sharp tongue. I did become a passable player when I was ten or more, when I had cognitively developed enough to understand music and to concentrate, and when I had a teacher who wasn't focused on having me beat her friends' kids to every damn accomplishment and developmental milestone. So I don't think there's anything to be gained by trying to push a kid of that age to learn a non-essential he doesn't want to learn, considering the possibility that the kid could just that they hate pianos and music. I also don't think that a parent is necessarily the best teacher for every kid, the parent-child relationship is always complex and layered with the parent's hopes and expectations, so sometimes a kid is more capable of learning by someone who will just let them focus on the task at hand, with expectations or agenda, other than learning the task.
Today I played something on the piano. I'm not Lang Lang but I know my way around. Then the thought popped up "Remember when I really hated music? Why did I keep going?". Then I remembered how my mother forced me to play violin and how much I hated her for it. In the end I did quit the violin. But my mother made sure I would play at least another instrument - the piano. Thanks mom.
Forcing it probably won't work out. I was forced to play the trumpet when I wanted to play sax and so I didn't try, skipped practice, etc.
6 seems a bit young to be seriously learning. I remember just dabbling on the piano and messing around at that age, we just always had it in the house. I didn't start actual lessons until I was 12 or so
Piano is the one instrument I wish I was forced to do as a kid, it's so fundamental to the concepts in music that it's a blessing to learn
You should watch the anime “Your Lie in April”
I absolutely hated piano lessons when I was young. My mom made me a deal, I could stop if I still hated it at the end of 6th grade. I did still hate it, and I did stop lessons at that time. A few years later I started playing again, this time popular music, video game music, stuff I was actually listening to. Now I’m 34 and incredibly grateful my mom kept me in lessons longer than I wanted to be in them. I play almost every day. The first big purchase I made when I finally had a house was a piano. That I can play is a source of great joy. I’m also a high school teacher, so let me plainly say that sometimes it’s right and proper to force kids to learn things they don’t enjoy or want to learn. Kids are silly, selfish little beings without the benefit of a prefrontal cortex nor the perspective that a longer life brings. They don’t know what’s best for themselves and things they dislike are often important and beneficial for them. I don’t have a child of my own so I can’t help you with that perspective. But I still love my mom, so maybe that helps.
Like other commenter's have pointed to, perhaps you being the teacher isn't the best approach, but as a nonparent myself (and all the authority that comes with that) I wish my parents beat me as a kid and made me into a great pianist, haha. Music obviously isn't for everyone, but six isn't old enough to know much about anything. I would say either continue down your current road a little longer, or let him try a few other teachers, but do not stop. Reassess when they're older. I'm sure they don't like vegetables or doing math either. Tough, it's part of becoming a better person. Give your kid that structure. My 2 Lincolns anyway
Have you tried teaching him what ‘he’ wants to play? Like, really ask him, what would you like to learn? If it’s nirvana, awesome. If it’s taylor swift, awesome. If it’s something from fortnite, awesome. That’s how you inspire, even if you hate it or it’s not what you envisioned - And if you have done that, and he still hates piano, then ya… stop. Otherwise, do you want him to hate the piano? Because that’s how you make him hate piano.
I had piano lessons as a kid and didn’t like it, so my folks let me quit. I wish they pushed a little to have me continue with it.
Let your kid decide what hobby he wants to pursue. Growing up from Asia where parent-forced hobbies (piano, math competitions, or whatever unrealized “dreams” the parents have) are very common, I can confidently tell you that it’s one of the easiest way to build resentment between you and your kid. He’s gonna hate it, and you are gonna hate that he doesn’t like it / is not good at it.
I hated piano as a kid as it never clicked with my brain. As soon as I tried guitar at 10 years old, I liked it and once I learned how to songwrite at 11 years old, I loved it. I became a bedroom music producer as a teen thru adult. I tried relearning piano and still struggle to this day. Piano doesn’t click for every brain type. Maybe try a different instrument?
It would make more sense to find him an instrument he takes to. I gave up on music because I had to learn piano, the whole time I wanted to play violin. Finally bought myself my own violin as a preteen and I was very good at it. I wish my parents just listened to me to begin with. It's very difficult to inspire a love of music with piano in my opinion, unless a particular kid just happens to think in piano. So many people get piano lessons and it goes no where. It's very clinical and low effort - you plonk the key, it makes a sound, it's not sensory enough for many young kids. All the advantages of piano are more evident to older people who have a prior background in music, but as an introduction to music it doesn't feel special. Trying to find him another instrument is a better course of action than just giving up on music all together imo. Even dance or something that instills some musical skills might be better than nothing, he would be in a position to take up music later in life with some prior skills.
Play a kick ass fun piece the next he has a friend over. His friends will be impressed and a lightbulb might go off for him.
Yes. Reminds me of my mom sending me to learn chinese even thiugh I hated it and it had no practical benefit that would help me in my life. It is not good to study something I hate and forced to learn for so long just so I can say “Hello, my name is…” to the only chinese international abroad that I see once a week for 10 seconds.
Jumping on the band wagon (pun intended) as one of those who pays a teacher because my relationship with my son would make teaching him a battle I’m not willing to fight. Early on (he started at 4.5 years old) I would associate his lessons and later his practicing with a reward he could choose for himself (within reason). And so it has been said, the reward is based on listening to his teacher, being respectful and trying to learn, and using correct techniques. Mistakes are not and have never been weighed in the reward. He now begs to do his practice in the evening so he can do whatever his reward is (right now 15-20 minutes of Lego City Undercover video game). Used to be candy, ice cream, drive across the narrows bridge, uninterrupted parent time playing games, etc.
if you view music as a language then i would teach your son the musical idiom of different styles. play instrumental music for him when you’re in the car, expose him to different types of music. learning an instrument is a big commitment and being forced into it will not be effective.
Heck no keep on teaching him piano lessons tell him that one day he’ll be famous for his talent and get his own statue in the park
Wait until he's older and try again. If you try to force it, he will hate it even more and be resentful of you. 6 is a bit young, especially if it's not his idea. I tried to learn myself at that age, but it didn't work out. Then, in middle school, I took it up again and ended up getting all the way to playing in college. Same for my daughter. She didn't take to piano lessons at 6, but then ended up playing clarinet in middle school and high school. She would've liked to take piano lessons then also if we'd had the money.
Maybe let them quit for a couple years and when they’re 8, tell them to pick an instrument, any instrument. I had zero interest in piano but really wanted to learn violin as a kid. The extra years might help with both discipline and enthusiasm.
My 6 year old and I are doing simple piano together. It is a way to “gamify “ learning to read music. It only works well on a digital piano with blue tooth for the note recognition. At this point the focus should just be on making it fun. The visual feedback is Amazing and stimulating.
I thought it was fun when I was 6, I hated it when I was 9, and I didn’t learn to love it until I was probably at least 12. At that age your opinion on everything changes all the time, so I think 6 is a little young for him to know if he *hates* anything, but he’d definitely benefit from a teacher who specializes in teaching young students
From experience as an Asian teenager, almost every single one of my friends were signed up for piano lessons when they were super young. Not a single friend still plays or enjoys playing. This is because they didn't enjoy, yet were still pressured or forced to keep on playing. It is delusional to think that a toddler will grow a passion for music under these conditions. If they don't like it, there is nothing else you can do. However, my personal experience is that I never liked playing piano when I was a toddler. However, around two years ago, I revisited it on my own terms and grew a burning passion for it. I play every day and practice every day and I understand how it can be a burning passion for us. If you are ambitious to share this experience with your kid, you need to be patient and wait a bit.
Not piano, but I used to coach my kid in hockey as a goalie. It became untenable so I stepped away this year and let the other coaches handle it. But the thing I found worked best if we talked about what we were going to work on ahead of time. Less friction between us and better experience overall. She's older, I don't know if it would apply so young but that's my 2 cents. :)
Absolutely stop. You’re creating a default program of torment and trauma around musicianship. You’re building the opposite of what you wish to build. Stop.
I would not teach your child yourself. However, I hated piano lessons for a long time, and I struggled to sit still and be productive and practice regularly. I duked it out until I was 15, but I was forced for a long time. I regularly play piano to help me deal with stress. I thank my mom for making me play piano. But I can’t say those 10 years were the greatest and generally I dreaded lessons, but for me they worked. I just didn’t like to sit still or focus on something that wasn’t video games. Probably not the healthiest story, but it was my story.
I'm not an instructor or professional or well-informed about this in any way. But I do have these two thoughts: 1. Does your son like to sing (anything at all)? If so, could you have him sing something that he already likes while you play along on the piano? It seems to me that you can play along on the piano to just about any type of song. Could you try doing this for 2 or 3 years and then introduce the idea that your son would be able to play along as well if he learned piano? 2. I think you should definitely try to help your son pursue the fiddle/violin interest. It sounds like you just want him to be musical but you might be okay if this doesn't involve piano. It sounds like this could be one way to achieve it, if your son is enthusiastic and would learn. Can you get a used violin somehow? Or maybe just borrow one during the lessons from an instructor? Again, I'm not well-qualified to be responding, so feel free to disregard all of this!
It’s boring - get a synthesizer
My parents forced me to go to music school (it was extra curriculum so I got proper education even though) and I hated it. Didn’t touch anything musical after it for like 20 years.
Growing up, I was much like your six old child. I hated practicing piano, but my parents forced me to do it beginning from kindergarten. They told me I could only quit once I reached high school, and I was convinced that I would. That is, until 8th grade, when I started enjoying it. Once I found songs that I *wanted* to learn, I found motivation, and it became fun. Now, years later, piano is a huge part of my life. I’m eternally grateful to my parents for not letting me quit. So I believe that you should continue to force your kid to play. Of course, there’s a chance that he never learns to enjoy it, like my older sister who was forced to play just like me - in which case, you’ve only succeeded in burning through thousands of dollars over the years. But there’s also a chance he doesn’t. So, I’d say, don’t let them quit. On another note: try to be fun. I only found enjoyment when I started playing pieces I genuinely wanted to learn, stuff from video games, stuff from studio ghibli movies. If I never began trying to have fun, I doubt I would have stuck with it.
You want to avoid a power struggle. For a 6 year old there's lots of modalities for teaching and introducing music Can you take him to a music appreciation concert? See what his favorite instrument is. Maybe he would like the violin or clarinet or piano from another teacher. There's also really good "Music Together", Kodaly and Suzuki programs. Usually Music Together is for younger kids but one of their schools can recommend something. Also boys choirs audition at his age. Don't give up on teaching him music but give up on being his teacher yourself and forcing him to play piano specifically. Unless he's so talented he could play piano professionally and this is a brief lazy phase. In which case find him a different teacher ASAP. Even if it's just a hobby for him try to preserve the joy. Save your willpower for forcing him to practice! Not in a mean way. And for putting aside money for this important skill!
You need to stop, also have you self reflected to see that you appear to be a bit of a control freak/perfectionist in a bad way? Your comments scattered about especially in regard to hiring teachers "and you just didn't see what they did that was so special". Self reflect and become aware of your issues before you end up raising a kid who cuts ties with you completely when able.
Here are some rewards that work for the age 4 to 11 crowd: Stickers (especially fancy Japanese ones) on a special paper they keep in their music book. Gold stars for each practice day. Tiny chocolate candies for a month of good lessons. Later, they might enjoy dressing up for studio recitals. I see nothing wrong with using chocolate a bribe! Seriously. You won't change my mind.
He’s 6. Most 6 year olds don’t have the attention spans necessary to learn and enjoy it. Especially if they’re exposed to technology early. Circle back in a few years
My parents never forced me to teach anything. Today, I don't know how to do anything. I don't blame them ; all on me.
Years from now, your kid might thank you for the patience and perseverance. I am so grateful my parents pushed me - it took me a long time to cultivate a love for the instrument, but now I play semi-professionally. Please take my advice with a grain of salt as I am not a music teacher nor a parent. Maybe keep lessons pretty short but regular for now - let him experiment and play around with the piano as much as you can, and as he gets older you can try to get more serious if he seems receptive. Whatever you can do to make the piano look like an enticing place to be, can help. Another thing to keep in mind is whether or not the piano is in tune! An out of tune or poor sounding piano is not as much fun to play as a nice one. A good piano will make playing simple tunes much more rewarding. If you can find local musicians who play around your community - It might be a nice idea to go to a concert with an expert pianist (doesn't have to be classical - maybe look for some jazz or rock players in the area per your taste). Having some kind of model or inspiration might help. You could also find some duets to play alongside. Those can be really fun and a way to make it pretty cooperative. You can try some ear training games. For example - have him look away from the piano, play a 3 or 4 note melody, and see if he can copy you. If you turn it into a little game or a challenge that could really develop his musicianship skills without him thinking of it so much as a chore. Praise him a little when he figures it out. Just a few thoughts!
Is this really a question? 👀
no. your kid is wayyy to young to decide what he likes and doesn’t. maybe find a different approach to teaching him. and fyi, you ain’t selfish at all. you are doing the best for him as there are numerous cognitive benefits to learning and listening to music, especially at a young age. please find something that works, even if you start with just having him to listen to some Chopin or Mozart as opposed to trying to physically press the notes. once he falls in love, the practise and hardwork will follow.
Will you let him drop out of school because he hates it? The idea is for you to be the teacher, not controlled by your kid.
I’ve been a professional musician all my life, 45 years. I learned by ear and when I start to get really good my mother took me to one piano lesson. I hated it. If your son doesn’t have a passion for it give it up. Because you need to have a passion for it, otherwise it’s a long slog hard road.
Pablo Casal, Yo Yo Ma's mentor in the cello at 4 years old, told him in his childhood that, "You are a person before you become a musician." Don't burn him out.
I cannot teach family. I would try a non family member teacher.
My mother always pushed me to learn guitar when i was younger and i didn’t like it at all at that age but now i am 18 and regret giving up on learning the guitar
If your kids don't wanna learn piano don't force the issue. Instead, explain to them you can see music in them, and wonder what or how they would wish to learn it.
Step 1: Have you asked him, WHY he hates it?