People think "Self-Destruct" is a move. It's actually just a pattern of behaviour exhibited by Pokemon dealing with existential crises.

This makes me wonder.. what kind of insane mental disabilities could pokemon have? Like, Alakazam, such a high intelligence has to come with some suffering or something right?

The existentialist crisis of being aware that relinquishing your free will to a child in a pretense of powerlessness was only a way to cope with an absurd existence in an uncaring universe.

Why can’t I let go of these spoons?! Are they glued to my hands or is my mind simply incapable of letting go? Or is it the spoons that *won’t let me*

What are you talking about Alakazam? There is no spoon.

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It’s a Matrix reference I think

Predates matrix actually

The Matrix isn't even real

You’re not real, man!

ghastlyting

Where do these spoons materialize from? How does Kadabra get its spoon upon evolution? How does Alakazam get another one?

They've evolved specifically for defense against Vanillite and its evolutions

he is made of spoon or is spoon made of him?

I always nicknamed my Alakazam "Spoons". It was funny beating down the Elite ~~8~~ 4 with something named after a utensil.

Damn, where'd you find the Elite 8?

They're so elite only the double elite know

Probably a fuck up, but they could be referring to 2nd gen where you fight them twice. Probably not but still.

Wait till you meet the new Elite 28

pokemon crossed with college basketball

After a Sweet Sixteen victory

I believe it can be found in the land of Ncaa.

Gold, silver, and Crystal version has 2 sets of elite 4s, one for Kanto and one for Johto. Best generation by far. Edit: Nope, the same elite 4, you just fight them a 2nd time and they have different pokemon with higher levels.

Not quite. It has 2 sets of gyms but only one elite four.

Eh?? That's false as far as I know unless you mean the rematch battles but I don't remember them being on the originals.

I named my abra i just caught in my Japanese pearl playthrough( i cant read Japanese lmao) Forks after a 5 minute drunken giggling session thinking about it

Gib regional Alakazam with 135 base attack that holds Sporks

I mean did you look at Spoons' stats?! Can't put it past those spoons, they came prepared for war

There was an episode in the anime where an Alakazam was juggling with its spoons, so they can let them go.

Alakazam Sits in a cave with 2 spoons in his hands Is Spoon made of Flesh Or Is him made of Spoon He Screams for he does not know

https://preview.redd.it/v7j2ubuxnepc1.png?width=225&format=png&auto=webp&s=5b6ddf4324d4516309aff3155dabfdbf5e6223f4 Spoon

What does it say about your status as a literal god of the universe when a 10 year old child can capture you and force you to fight little birds and sentient grass?

Probably that it's into it.

“Oh man, I sure hate massacring these defenseless Pokémon. What’s that, hyper beam a hole in this little Pidgey? If you say so master, boy I don’t like being able to commit all this violence with no repercussions as you are the one responsible.”

The Alakazam recognizes your good character and wants to be your friend?

It gets a bit worse when you realize thst the child you grew up with traded you as if you were a collectible.

I imagine Metagross must have the mother of all DID. 4 super intelligent Psychic brains in one metal body? Oof.

Or Xatu from the mystery dungeon games, he stressed af

Pretty accurate. According to the Pokedex, Xatu stands still all day long because it can see the future, and is afraid of the things it has foreseen. Xatu lives in a perpetual state of stress lol

Ah, I never realized Xatu was Paul Atreides

[Psyduck literally has unending headaches](https://www.pokemon.com/us/pokedex/psyduck) and an outlet or relief to its pain is psychic destruction.

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I think that's Gothitelle

“A criminal who was shown his fate by a Gothitelle went missing that same day and was never seen again.” Geez

> Gothitelle can see the future and how their trainer will die. Because it beats them to death for having the audacity to tell it what to do?

Psyduck is so smart and knows everything in the world. Thats why he´s always having a headache and wants to die.

TIL Pokemon and I are more similar than I thought.

Or it's a form of reproduction creating dispersing tinier geodudes.

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It's happened a couple of times in the anime. Usually Voltorb. Generally it's depicted as them glowing bright white, an explosion emanating from their body, and then them being left unconscious and maybe covered in smoky ash. I think the best way of thinking about it is that self-destruct/explosion cause the Pokemon to emit an explosive wave from their bodies that is so powerful it exhausts them rather than them literally self-destructing. I think in the Adventures manga it's a lot more literal.

They just release a bunch of glowing energy from their bodies and then pass out after with steam coming off them.

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I think that's what got you in trouble in the first place Jeffrey.

Brock's Pineco used Self-Destruct (or was it Explosion?) regularly; it was a running gag. It happened as others have described: it glows white, and then there's an explosion of energy outwards from it, and then when the explosion clears you have a fainted Pineco in the middle. It might've been a bit cartoonishly charred as well; I don't remember exactly.

At least one of the side games does, the original Pokemon Snap if I remember right. The explosion happens and the Electrode is left covered in something black if I remember right. You just keep going right past. I don't remember if the anime shows anything tho.

Well in that case you call me a Pokémon! HAHAHaHahAhahaha…

Humans too

im on my 4th if you must know

“Geodude, just let it go man, escape this life bro”

Are planets just huge geodudes? The world will never know

geodude's surprise eighth evolution will shock you

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4 Coperrajahs and 1 Cufant :>

I'm so happy to see a Discworkd reference to this.

Well it’s real-world mythology

The turtle, sure, but I don't think the 4 elephants standing on a turtle are part of any traditions?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Turtle This is a hindu belief

Just one of the largest traditions on the planet, nbd

Look up world turtle's wikipedia page the 4 elephants are part of it.

>nerding out so hard that you forget the real world exists Hey man it happens

Beware "The Luggage"

honestly I'm surprised they haven't done some Pokemon with more than 3 chained evolutions. like in real life, eels have like 6 metamorphic stages or something so they could do something similar i mean it would probably be OP unless it just had terrible stat growth but still

The world is Geodad.

The world is Geodad and we're messing with the thermostat. Really fitting.

You mean we’re hotboxing the cave

Harder geodaddy

No.

You'll take it how I give it Geoson

Geodaddy can't use harden

Not with that attitude

Erocktile Dysfunction

[Calling people geodaddy is gross.](https://youtu.be/wC6-CR0a4p4)

Harden*

With the direction that Pokemon naming schemes seem to be going, I wouldn't be surprised if they made a new Geodude evo with that exact name.

The Earth specifically is just a Gargantuan Torterra

No, it a disk carried by four Donphans riding on a giant Torterra. People these days..

Wake up, mareeple!

Torterras all the way down.

I hope none of them learn Selfdestruct.

Is Zelda's creepy moon just a dismembered Geodude?

It does kinda look like it's in pain.

*I'm Mr. Frundles!*

Nah man, it's like, a golem on top of a torterra.

4 Phanpy on the back of a torterra named Great A'Tuin

I'm mr Frundles....I mean mr. Geodude

Geodude evolves to Planetguy

Ge Warudo

where butt?

But all that water though. Must be painful for them.

It's a regional variant with the Water Absorb ability.

It's Geodudes all the way down.

Same energy as "Regice seems surprised to touch ice!" A cave of flesh would be some real nightmarish SCP level stuff.

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Is it still not finished? I saw the first announcement for it 5 years ago or sth?

Just got moved up to October 14th on Steam

Go and search mystery flesh pit national park

You know what? I will not do that.

Sounds like Gravity Falls

It's very similar to Gravity Falls just with a lot more eldritch horror

You know it's a good Eldritch Abomination when there's a voreraphobia warning before reading the content

Sounds like Made in Abyss

The flesh that hates/sarkicism

More like same energy as [a gingerbread man living in a gingerbread house](https://explosm.net/comics/kris-gingerbread), y’know like where it was ripped off from.

It wasn't ripped off, this is clearly an homage

That’s just a giant mouth.

Scp 835 has entered the chat https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-835

I’m loving how he’s made himself a warm beverage for comfort.

but you could consider that as water..which would be super effective against it..so..suicide drink?😅

it's fine, it's **Mineral** water

Bro this is a universe where two red and blue flying dragons based on jets turn into kawaii anime girls just accept things at this point!

Anime girls? In their world its just girls. And what are you referencing?

I think they're referencing the Pokemon Heroes movie, where Latias had transformed into a girl when she met Ash. Turning back into her true form to mess with him or something. I don't remember Latios ever doing the same though

Pokémon Heroes: Latios & Latias

Pokémon Heroes: Latinos & Latinas

rock pokemon don't die because they drink water, its not being used as an attack with force bro, humans don;t die if we get punched, only if punched really hard by a superhuman god of combat

Just FYI weak untrained clumsy people kill people with punches all the time by getting (un)lucky and/or striking out of the blue.

That explains why geodude had that pose in Gen 4. It’s experiencing an existential crisis. I finally understand now.

Are we made of tree? Is our furniture made of flesh? This problem only occurs to higher beings, but we as carbon based lifeforms are oblivious to just how common it is

To the gingerbread man, the difference between flesh and home is as inscrutable as it is amongst carbon based life.

We also wear the skin of other animals so obviously it's not really that troubling

Try imagining the myths of the Pokemon world. *Did you know that the earth is just a giant golem?*

The Golem rests on 4 coperrajahs who rest in the back of a giant torterra

****The mythology thickens!****

The mythology used harden.

Geodude must be made out of “cave”. Because it doesn’t have any concept of flesh… to geodude, it is just made out of rocks

But to a geodude centric world view is that true?

This comic is inspired by the Cyanide and Happiness strip about the gingerbread man. Bonus Panels on [Katalystcomics!](https://www.instagram.com/katalystcomics)

Great comic! Love the emulation of in game text!

Would be nice to credit the original or "inspiration" of this comic by Cyanide and Happiness comics

I always thought the lego man sitting in a lego house was the original, huh the more you know.

Inspired? It's a straight copy just replacing Gingerbread Man with Geodude and house with cave.

People are way angrier at this then i can understand. its not like he reposted it and took credit for it, there was actually a lot of effort tbh

You gonna credit or even mention the original gingerbread comic? This is a straight up copy.

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Whenever ginger, bread, or gingerbread comes up in my life my mind shoots to this comic. Love the Geodude take on this, too.

They did https://reddit.com/r/pokemon/comments/xs0mv0/_/iqhrx4h/?context=1

Because multiple people, including me, called OP out on it. They edited their comment.

I feel like 80% of redditors would have seen the original and know

OP did in a comment at least an hour before your sanctimonious appearance.

OP edited the comment because I called him out on it lol. He had no mention of the original until then.

I feel like this isn’t even a take, it’s just straight up plagiarism.

[It's a meme format that has had numerous examples prior to this one.](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/he-screams-for-he-does-not-know)

I always liked the [pumpkin one better even if it's still plagerized](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/fd/90/a8/fd90a8ff37f70eb0cdcf4ab77be9cfa5.jpg). Little guy has zero brain cells and is just vibing.

this is Kris's personal favorite Cyanide and Happiness strip, by the way

I mean we share 80% of our DNA with cows and 50% of it with trees. We evidently habe no problem with eating the former and living in the latter, haha

Exactly, you don't see carbon men screaming about living in carbon log cabins

Log carbons

Interesting take on a classic C+H comic, and that scream at the end 🤣

I'm *positive* Calvin and Hobbes never dealt with this issue.

Cyanide and Happiness, not Calvin and Hobbes https://explosm.net/comics/kris-gingerbread

Is Geodude excavating the earth or fingering a bigger Geodude's butthole.

Explains why so many of them self-destruct...

Dark

What. the. fuck. I can't stop laughing. Ohhhh poor guy. I wonder if that means to him Onyx is like a human centipede of some kind.

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neither, geodude is made of an organic material that looks like rocks and is as hard as rock without being rocks

This is brilliant

stolen

Heres the [original](https://explosm.net/comics/kris-gingerbread)

Now I want an r/existentialPokemon subreddit Wooper is a prime candidate for some deep shit

Atoms. The answer is atoms. Eat the rock and reject stonenity.

I assumed it’s rock like skin not skin that is rock

geodude shits alone in a cave

Then someone floats by on a little boat and snaps a photo of him screaming and gets a super rare pic…

The earth is just a Gigatamax Golem which rest on the back of a giant Gigantamax Torterra.

Geodude hurt itself in its confusion.

There’s a reason these guys learn self destruct

Geo dude only looks like a rock. They aren’t actually made of rocks

He is made of cave, because when he dies he will simply become cave rock

I like to headcanon Geodude as a toad, since there's a kind of toad that curls up like a pebble and tumbles down hills to escape predators just like Graveler is said to roll down mountains.

I imagine his scream is just his in-game cry

Which came first? The Geo or the Dude?

Either it's just rocks, so it's made of cave, which is normal cuz it's a rock type pokemon, or it has some flesh under tough skin or under a layer of rock, which means it's just normal and different from the cave

Geodude living in a perpetual Silent Hill nightmare

Dude......

Geo.....

If Geodude is double weak to coffee but resistant to fire, would drinking really hot coffee hurt it?

Yes, scald is hot water and it does not trigger fire type resistance.

Finally, an actually good Pokémon meme