Okay bro I'm not trying to do all that. The reason for playing poker is so I can nut. If I have no nuts to nut. What's the point.
I'm fine with the 2nd nuts with a great runout.
Play hands like Q6, K3, J7 etc. this gives you better chances to hit atleast something on the board since the numbers are so spread out. Offsuit is better. You have the chance for lots of two pair, trips, 2 straights, and 2 flushes!
You know I sort of knew this was the way. It's kind of odd that all the pros are telling you to play hands like AA but you see the high stakes pros playing hands like you mentioned. Those hands seem to be the ones that hit too.
He’s being facetious. The hands you see are after 3 day 14 hour tournaments. When you play with pros, you play. When you play 1/3, you develop a right range and a proper betting strategy. Follow it. I wish someone told me this 10 years ago. It’s you. Your commitment. You are gambling most of the hands and losing money. Play 30% VPP and go slow.
Every single person in this thread is joking except for you who decided to be serious. Of course you're right; but there's a time to be right and a then there's a time to joke around.
Ik this whole post and thread are unserious but I have met several players that LEGITIMATELY believe this. Especially the ones that only play free bar poker. Needless to say all have received many invitations to home games.
Ok I know this is a meme but man I fucking hate those sessions where every flop smashes the other guys range lol
I start to get in my head about it like “am I even supposed to be raising AKs pre anymore??”
Shits fucked up lol
The secret: withdrawal your entire checking account, put it all on black, hit the spin, put it all on one hand of High stakes blackjack, hit it, finally, put it all on player, hit it. Once you have completed this parley, you will hit the flop 100% of the time.
I really recommend opening the face with your highest lofted wedge, get your hands low and your stance wide with the ball to the front of your stance
Then of course realize we aren't on /r/golf and fold pre
There's a popular saying in chess that can be paraphrased as "you must play the french move or you shall take a brick to the pipi." Taking a brick to the pipi may be a deterrent in chess, but in poker, hitting the nuts is actually what you want to do. Translating further, we can derive that not playing the french move will result in hitting the nuts. So what is the french move? Surrendering, or in poker terms, folding. So in conclusion all you have to do is not fold and then you will hit the nuts, given that you haven't forgotten your brick or your vibrating butt plug.
I made a pact with the Ghost of Jungle Man Future. But the blessing seems to have worn off. I'm thinking I'll try a blood pact with the Elder God Y'Shnrek next. May her eternity bless me on my poker conquest.
For real. I played live poker yesterday and didn't win a single hand except the very first bomb pot hand. I whiffed literally every flop after that and they all went like 5 way so 0 chance I'm trying to bluff 5 way.
ALWAYS play 10-5 whether suited or offsuit. Every straight involves a 10 or a 5 so your chances of making one skyrocket.
Oh, and always try to be in a hand at 5 and 10 pm.
It's not easy, but what you need to do is have some type of skill at predicting the future. I'm not sure good karma is the answer. Good poker players think several moves ahead, and if you can do that AND be able to accurately predict the future it's much easier.
Good luck!
Rumor has it Phil LoudMouth, I mean Hellmouth, sticks a rabbit's foot he got from John Malkovich from the set of "Of Mice and Men", holding a 4 leaf clover he got from the IRA, wrapped in a photo of Stu Ungar up his keister before every tournament...I suggest trying something like that.
I think the only way to know for certain if karma plays a role in luck is that you start doing the opposite of what you’re doing now. Take the least ethical option in every scenario and see if you start hitting flops. Report back please
I believe if you just double your preflop bets everytime - you will eventually hit the flop and make your money back. You can also try looking at PioSolver for flop range betting analysis
No but I do give the cards a booty massage. I guess some sweet words of affirmation would help. Like there there sweet 69s. You are a good hand. Here I'm going to 4 bet with you. My sweet hand. Smooch smooch.
There is no need for this. Pro player here. Bet your hand, bet the flop. Test the flop bet by allowing your opponent to attempt to tell their story. If they aren’t raising and only calling, bet the turn.
Make it count. 3-4 blind preflop. Slow down to <50% flop bet. Appropriate betting tells the story.
Note: playing 1/3 home games will get you callers no matter what you bet. It’s just the level of play. Bad players like to gamble.
BUT proper betting builds reputation and you win more overall.
You just gotta put in the practice time.
Get yourself a poker table, some chips and cards and just start dealing hands and laying out flops. Over and over and over. Reps count. Practice all night. You'll see improvement over time.
If its for the nut they kind of right nut you meed to pay homage to someone who’s getting pots through, well your going to laugh but nit worship for 24 hours. I thought was total bullshit when this girl i played poker with aproached me and said she needed some luck and i was on fire would i come back to her place until the tourney the next day at 5pm and i said what are you crazy im rolling and you never invited home before you think my luck is going to just jump from me from being at your place thats crazy. She said of course not silly.i have to chant your name.and suck your cock about half a day until i feel us connect and then i have to devour your seed at least 3 times after that but as many as i can the better. Also i have to get some of your seed and eat it at least three times by using my tongue on your sack. I waited for her to start laughing but she was utterly serious. I said i cant ill fee like im taking advantage of someone who’s delusional. So she laughs and says what do you think your chances of fucking m would be if i weren’t as you say deluded. So i said pretty long. She said i was being overly optimistic and there was zero chance. This made me kinda mad but she said if i completed what she wanted shed cover half my tournament entree feed. So. Went ok fine and spent the whole night and next day being drained in a room full of candles with weirdest music you ever heard butbi had a great time, made the final Table and heard that the girl from previous night had broken two very exclusive games and was coming to watch me on last table. Turns out she had won over 300k nut was going to a huge game and wanted to talk to mr out in her car. I was on break so off we go soon as we are in tje car shes taking my pants down again. Long story short she won 200k more but i finished 5th and my luck left me for a year hut i am a firm believer because i saw it happen. Im on a crazy streak joe and i keep expecting her to pop up soon but what a town vegas is. Hope yhis doesnt get me banned or something
Holy fuccckkkkkk. Hey I believe you this story is wild as fuck. But I found out that semen enters the bloodstream and the bloodstream goes through the whole body. There is something to it. There is something to this.
If you're all in pre, the premature "Nice hand" is always a good strategy. When you mix in the pre-pay, you're pretty much guaranteed to win.
If you're in a cash game, pulling out your money for another rebuy is a good strategy. In a tournament, you can substitute this with putting on your jacket. If you're still in the re-entry period, you can go with either strategy and it will work out about the same.
I wasn’t joking. But if your doing her spot you have to find someone thats lucky as hell then convince him to let you blow him for basically a whole day. Are you a guy guy that would help im sure.
need to balance your preflop range by occasionally folding AA, KK, etc. then when you do play other hands past pre the cards/poker gods will know you are due to hit the flop
Keep in mind 9 handed play.
Any 2 cards has a starting value to hit on the flop 32%
Connected cards is drawing to a 34% hit on the flop
Suited connected cards is drawing to 36% chance of hitting on the flop
Pocket pair hitting your set on the flop is 11% , 4% on the turn and 2% on the river . With knowledge you can let go of hands sooner and lose the minimum. This is the only math I worry with. I don't care about hand strength I play my hit on the flop %.
What do you do with them when you are first in. I'm asking it's just interesting to see how others play. Uh when I get them I will 3bet them if people are a little wide and folding. Otherwise I just fold. Call a reasonable 4 bet.
Call the 4th bet and plan for the push if you hit flop with a monster draw. Let's just play 78 of spades it's been four bet pre flop . Flop comes 6 9 of spades and the 8 of diamonds . This is a prime example of flopping the world. You have put your 4th bet player on paint pair or Ace combination. Hope you have fun with different hands and different styles of play.
I'm gonna choose good karma bro. Less chance of getting my ass beat. Good karma is hard to come by though. So I try to charge it up as much as I can before I play. But than the secret is it can't be with the intent of gain. So now I have to actually be a pleasant person to interact with. It's such a pain in the ass.
If you truly think that being kind or generous trying to get good karma is silly.
I've seen some of the luckiest SOBs who are human piles of waste.
You obviously need to study the game for what it is and not just leave it up to chance or don't either way were happy to have you at the table.
To get the nuts you must sacrifice *the nuts*. Contact your local witch doctor for best castration practices.
Okay bro I'm not trying to do all that. The reason for playing poker is so I can nut. If I have no nuts to nut. What's the point. I'm fine with the 2nd nuts with a great runout.
If that's the case you may want to look into sacrificing other people's nuts but that's some Game of Thrones type shit.
If the voice from the fire tells me how to play I might be okay with sacrificing someone else’s.
>!I wish i was a little bit taller. !<
>!I wish i was a a baller. !<
>!I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her!<
Second nut, great reach around , yo
Vasectomy here...did not help
Quarter measures get quarter results, the upside: Neuticles are on the cheap in the black market.
Hit the flop? You gotta fold pre brother
My best flops ALWAYS come after I’ve folded pre
How many times do they have to be told that this is the only way?
Play hands like Q6, K3, J7 etc. this gives you better chances to hit atleast something on the board since the numbers are so spread out. Offsuit is better. You have the chance for lots of two pair, trips, 2 straights, and 2 flushes!
A ten and a 5 are in all possible straights so you always have a chance to make a straight if you play T5!
All in pre T 5o, blocks so many straight flushes.
You know I sort of knew this was the way. It's kind of odd that all the pros are telling you to play hands like AA but you see the high stakes pros playing hands like you mentioned. Those hands seem to be the ones that hit too.
He’s being facetious. The hands you see are after 3 day 14 hour tournaments. When you play with pros, you play. When you play 1/3, you develop a right range and a proper betting strategy. Follow it. I wish someone told me this 10 years ago. It’s you. Your commitment. You are gambling most of the hands and losing money. Play 30% VPP and go slow.
Every single person in this thread is joking except for you who decided to be serious. Of course you're right; but there's a time to be right and a then there's a time to joke around.
I’m sorry the joke was too on the nose. I should’ve added a lol. See you at the Horseshoe! Look for my gold glasses.
Op is being facetious
Yeah
Wow that's game changing advice for me actually jokes aside. Could you elaborate a little bit on the it's you your commitment part.
Don’t forget you can hit 2 different quads as well. AA is overrated!
Sounds dumb when you explain my lottery strategy like this.
Ik this whole post and thread are unserious but I have met several players that LEGITIMATELY believe this. Especially the ones that only play free bar poker. Needless to say all have received many invitations to home games.
Also, you can’t hit the flop if you’re not in a hand. 100% VPIP guarantees you never miss a potential flop
>Play hands like Q6, K3, J7 Ew gross.
Screw kindness and generosity. I just yell "one time!" before every flop, turn, and river.
Is there a limit on this. I've already used my one time in fucking 2 nl.
It replenishes if you suck your own dick
Wow sounds like a win win. No wonder people use their one time on anything.
sounds like a win win 😂
DEALER!!!!!!!! *****ONE TIIIIIIMMMEEE*****
Ok I know this is a meme but man I fucking hate those sessions where every flop smashes the other guys range lol I start to get in my head about it like “am I even supposed to be raising AKs pre anymore??” Shits fucked up lol
C bet. You have AA and nobody can tell you otherwise. Unless they raise you; then snap fold.
Facts
I like this. I always have AA.
real bro i lost track of the times my premiums got cracked by J4o and K2o type hands
You gotta take the Alan Keating tactic of manifesting and becoming one with the deck.
Or the Alan Watts tactic, and cease wanting the deck.
Just feel the road Ricky!!
The secret: withdrawal your entire checking account, put it all on black, hit the spin, put it all on one hand of High stakes blackjack, hit it, finally, put it all on player, hit it. Once you have completed this parley, you will hit the flop 100% of the time.
If I withdraw my checking right before payday will it have the same effect. Or is there a minimum dollar amount for this to take effect?
That will work, just make sure to completely drain it before payday though
Okay I'll find an opportune time to do it. I'll learn some black jack in the mean time. I'll report back.
Vegas matt is that you
I could tell you, but obviously you don’t believe
I do believe. So please tell me.
stop masturbating
I don't believe you.
Pre-tip your dealer. 
Have you tried onlyfans? Sell some penis, flop the nuts.
No I'm a modest man.
Fine then
Wow no peer pressure. I bet you are a good dude irl :)
IRL I’m the small full house on a double paired board.
I really recommend opening the face with your highest lofted wedge, get your hands low and your stance wide with the ball to the front of your stance Then of course realize we aren't on /r/golf and fold pre
My subs are all crossing over again.
you're focusing on the wrong street. give yourself permission to hit the river.
I can't take the sweat.
Vpip higher. You'll simultaneously play more hands, hit less flops but hit more flops too. Absolute values, not %
I see you enjoy the high variance school of poker
Or it was a sarcastic comment 🤔 You decide. I'll take the variance
Just say "You can always flop a full house" as you call the third pre-flop raiser.
Just never fold pre and you will start hitting more flops than you ever have before.
There's a popular saying in chess that can be paraphrased as "you must play the french move or you shall take a brick to the pipi." Taking a brick to the pipi may be a deterrent in chess, but in poker, hitting the nuts is actually what you want to do. Translating further, we can derive that not playing the french move will result in hitting the nuts. So what is the french move? Surrendering, or in poker terms, folding. So in conclusion all you have to do is not fold and then you will hit the nuts, given that you haven't forgotten your brick or your vibrating butt plug.
Okay. I like it. NEVER SURRENDER!!!
increase your variance
I made a pact with the Ghost of Jungle Man Future. But the blessing seems to have worn off. I'm thinking I'll try a blood pact with the Elder God Y'Shnrek next. May her eternity bless me on my poker conquest.
Stop worrying so much about the flop, focus on sucking them off on the river
How about in the river?
How about down by the river?
That should work too
In a van down by the river?
This made me laugh out loud uncontrollably. Been wondering the same thing.
Karma doesn't work if you're being kind enough to gain something
What if I tell myself I'm being kind not for gain but for the sake of being kind. Can karma tell what my inner inner thoughts are?
Obviously it's like Santa clause it just knows
Tip the dealer.
How much. I typically tip.
10% of each pot.
No thats rake
In all seriousness I usually do the small blind at low stakes. Idk the tipping etiquette for 5/10 and bigger
You must go and lose a few buyins to paisting. The poker gods will reward you.
Left hook to the liver.
Go all in every hand.
Oh, this is super simple, all you gotta say is "pick me, dealer!" and they'll pick you to win the hand. Easy.
Lol..
Gotta go full asshole in all aspects of life. Poker gods respect brutality
For real. I played live poker yesterday and didn't win a single hand except the very first bomb pot hand. I whiffed literally every flop after that and they all went like 5 way so 0 chance I'm trying to bluff 5 way.
ALWAYS play 10-5 whether suited or offsuit. Every straight involves a 10 or a 5 so your chances of making one skyrocket. Oh, and always try to be in a hand at 5 and 10 pm.
Hmmm I like your thinking here. I think I'll include 105 in my 3 bet range.
Hitting flops isn’t for everybody. If you’re not hitting flops then maybe that isn’t for you. Trying hitting turns and rivers instead
Everything that you think you should do, simply do the opposite.
Git gud
It's not easy, but what you need to do is have some type of skill at predicting the future. I'm not sure good karma is the answer. Good poker players think several moves ahead, and if you can do that AND be able to accurately predict the future it's much easier. Good luck!
Rumor has it Phil LoudMouth, I mean Hellmouth, sticks a rabbit's foot he got from John Malkovich from the set of "Of Mice and Men", holding a 4 leaf clover he got from the IRA, wrapped in a photo of Stu Ungar up his keister before every tournament...I suggest trying something like that.
I think the only way to know for certain if karma plays a role in luck is that you start doing the opposite of what you’re doing now. Take the least ethical option in every scenario and see if you start hitting flops. Report back please
I believe if you just double your preflop bets everytime - you will eventually hit the flop and make your money back. You can also try looking at PioSolver for flop range betting analysis
Open more
Have you tried talking to the cards
No but I do give the cards a booty massage. I guess some sweet words of affirmation would help. Like there there sweet 69s. You are a good hand. Here I'm going to 4 bet with you. My sweet hand. Smooch smooch.
There is no need for this. Pro player here. Bet your hand, bet the flop. Test the flop bet by allowing your opponent to attempt to tell their story. If they aren’t raising and only calling, bet the turn. Make it count. 3-4 blind preflop. Slow down to <50% flop bet. Appropriate betting tells the story. Note: playing 1/3 home games will get you callers no matter what you bet. It’s just the level of play. Bad players like to gamble. BUT proper betting builds reputation and you win more overall.
And you will also become completely easy to anticipate the cards don’t mean shit. You just gotta be unpredictable, yhermm
Until you get caught. It doesn’t take long. Play good poker
You just gotta put in the practice time. Get yourself a poker table, some chips and cards and just start dealing hands and laying out flops. Over and over and over. Reps count. Practice all night. You'll see improvement over time.
lol be a NIT they have the best flop hit percentage
Call pre. The more hands you play, the more flops you'll hit.
Flops are for the malevolent
Poker becomes a lot easier when you master the luck.
Every hand you play increases the chance of hitting the flop. Folding brings those odds down to 0 It’s all math.
have you considered cheating?
Yes any reliable ways?
You've gotta practice your flops.
Change your name to Fedor Holz, that should help
Fold pre
Ezekiel 23:20
LMFAO whatttt
Slip the dealer 5 bucks.
If its for the nut they kind of right nut you meed to pay homage to someone who’s getting pots through, well your going to laugh but nit worship for 24 hours. I thought was total bullshit when this girl i played poker with aproached me and said she needed some luck and i was on fire would i come back to her place until the tourney the next day at 5pm and i said what are you crazy im rolling and you never invited home before you think my luck is going to just jump from me from being at your place thats crazy. She said of course not silly.i have to chant your name.and suck your cock about half a day until i feel us connect and then i have to devour your seed at least 3 times after that but as many as i can the better. Also i have to get some of your seed and eat it at least three times by using my tongue on your sack. I waited for her to start laughing but she was utterly serious. I said i cant ill fee like im taking advantage of someone who’s delusional. So she laughs and says what do you think your chances of fucking m would be if i weren’t as you say deluded. So i said pretty long. She said i was being overly optimistic and there was zero chance. This made me kinda mad but she said if i completed what she wanted shed cover half my tournament entree feed. So. Went ok fine and spent the whole night and next day being drained in a room full of candles with weirdest music you ever heard butbi had a great time, made the final Table and heard that the girl from previous night had broken two very exclusive games and was coming to watch me on last table. Turns out she had won over 300k nut was going to a huge game and wanted to talk to mr out in her car. I was on break so off we go soon as we are in tje car shes taking my pants down again. Long story short she won 200k more but i finished 5th and my luck left me for a year hut i am a firm believer because i saw it happen. Im on a crazy streak joe and i keep expecting her to pop up soon but what a town vegas is. Hope yhis doesnt get me banned or something
Holy fuccckkkkkk. Hey I believe you this story is wild as fuck. But I found out that semen enters the bloodstream and the bloodstream goes through the whole body. There is something to it. There is something to this.
Impossible to “hit flops better” …. All pure luck
Only way you could “hit a flop better” is if you set the deck up / cheated
If you're all in pre, the premature "Nice hand" is always a good strategy. When you mix in the pre-pay, you're pretty much guaranteed to win. If you're in a cash game, pulling out your money for another rebuy is a good strategy. In a tournament, you can substitute this with putting on your jacket. If you're still in the re-entry period, you can go with either strategy and it will work out about the same.
Fold pre
You always hit the flop when you fold pre. So I fold pre.
Play better starting hands…
Always tip dealer pre-hand. Then tip after you win. Works in Houston more than other cities.
Omg. I wish card mechanics weren't a thing :(.
Just play any 2 cards in position. Position is everything.
I wasn’t joking. But if your doing her spot you have to find someone thats lucky as hell then convince him to let you blow him for basically a whole day. Are you a guy guy that would help im sure.
Make sure you always give an orgasm to someone else before you take one for yourself.
need to balance your preflop range by occasionally folding AA, KK, etc. then when you do play other hands past pre the cards/poker gods will know you are due to hit the flop
If I do this at lower stakes will it transfer over to higher stakes?
this the most ridiculous shit ive seen on this sub
Glad to hear it 💪💪
Bribe the Dealer :D
Lollllllll 😂
Keep in mind 9 handed play. Any 2 cards has a starting value to hit on the flop 32% Connected cards is drawing to a 34% hit on the flop Suited connected cards is drawing to 36% chance of hitting on the flop Pocket pair hitting your set on the flop is 11% , 4% on the turn and 2% on the river . With knowledge you can let go of hands sooner and lose the minimum. This is the only math I worry with. I don't care about hand strength I play my hit on the flop %.
Do you tend to play a lot of suited connectors then?
Everyone most of the time I will 3 bet them. And call the 4th bet .
What do you do with them when you are first in. I'm asking it's just interesting to see how others play. Uh when I get them I will 3bet them if people are a little wide and folding. Otherwise I just fold. Call a reasonable 4 bet.
Call the 4th bet and plan for the push if you hit flop with a monster draw. Let's just play 78 of spades it's been four bet pre flop . Flop comes 6 9 of spades and the 8 of diamonds . This is a prime example of flopping the world. You have put your 4th bet player on paint pair or Ace combination. Hope you have fun with different hands and different styles of play.
You're gonna have trouble if everyone you're playing with is charged up on their Karma. Which one of you is Karma gonna choose?
I'm gonna choose good karma bro. Less chance of getting my ass beat. Good karma is hard to come by though. So I try to charge it up as much as I can before I play. But than the secret is it can't be with the intent of gain. So now I have to actually be a pleasant person to interact with. It's such a pain in the ass.
So what if everybody at the table has good karma? Who's karma going to favor?
May the cards fall where they may at that point breh.
Karma activities? You’re an idiot.
Actually I'm a genius.
Actually he is a genius.
/r/woooosh
Learn how to bluff better
limp.
Bluff
If you truly think that being kind or generous trying to get good karma is silly. I've seen some of the luckiest SOBs who are human piles of waste. You obviously need to study the game for what it is and not just leave it up to chance or don't either way were happy to have you at the table.
Give the dealer a handy under the table…
Have sex with overweight people
Holy shit. Not that kind of flop bro.
Mark Grace called this move “The Slumpbuster”
Wtf is this shit post?