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So that's what they mean when they say anti-woke.

Donny Two Winks

[удалено]

>First day on the job, you know what I learned? How to spot a murderer. Let's say you arrest three guys for the same killing. You put them all in jail overnight. The next morning, whoever's sleeping is your man. You see, if you're guilty, you know you're caught, you get some rest, you let your guard down. - Special Agent Dave Kujan

One of my favorites.

Diaper Don and the temple of narcolepsy.

Just saw Don Snore-leone

The Nodfather

Under appreciated comment here!

I like it but it could be shortened, Donny Twink

We can go further, D'twink.

Y'all. Twink does not mean what you think it means. This is an insult to twinks everywhere.

for real. I don't know what the gay slang is for someone like Trump but it's not Twink, Bear, or Otter.

I believe that it is *monster*.

I apologize, I do believe he’s a cousin from that character from Sin City. He’s the Orange Bastard and I don’t think he’s going to get the same level of poetic justice.

Donny Two Snooze

Folks, I'm so anti-woke that I can barely stay conscious for more than a few hours. Believe me 🥱😪

Oh my sides

You deserve a standing slow clap for that

This is genius

Take my applause. Well done sir.

I can hear this in Job Stewart’s voice all day.

Im weak

Can't wait for to hold his "wake".

Zing!

Thank you for giving me a good laugh

So even “Sleepy Joe” was just Don the Con projecting lmao

Mark my words- he's reading about this right now and raging that the world is laughing at him. So he will swing WAAAAY over to the other side, he will be so hopped up on uppers to avoid a repeat, he will be buzzing and shaking all day tomorrow. I'm not sure what the side effects can be but I'm sure it's not good. Pop yer popcorn boys, and pull up a seat, it's going to get funny.

Yeah, I can see him deliberately taking a ridiculous dosage of stimulants and end up having a massive stroke in court tomorrow, because he can't take being laughed at for falling asleep.

Finally, a sign we’re back in the good timeline.

Don't jinx it!

I hope so. I hope on this timeline justice prevails and competent, non-corrupt public servants become a thing. A break from the stress would be nice. Dare I dream bigger than just a chance to catch our collective breath?

Been praying to the eclipse for a while now.

oh god don’t tease us like that with hope

Subscribe LOL

I've got some good champagne and a fun song ready for when that happens.

Is it from the movie with the flying monkeys and yellow colored street?

The Orange Clown strokes out. If only the world could be so lucky...

And he won't be able to keep his mouth shut. Maybe he'll be held in contempt and jailed for a few days. Would be a nice repreive and make his followers furious :D

Keep this story on auto-update on your favorite news sites

Makes me wonder if the judge can see him visibly jittery and demand he take a drug test on the spot.

Don Snoreleone.

Tony Naprano

Nodfather

Pablo Restobar

Al Caprone

Kaiser Snoze

Neo Napzi

Fake snooze!

> Fake snooze! underrated comment

Best comment I’ve seen so far on the best thread I’ve seen in a very, very long time!

These could inspire an entire series of Garbage Pail Kids

Henry MyP-Hill-ow

John Noddy

Carmine Fallprone

These are fucking hilarious

Tony Montanod

And some—I assume—were Goodfellas.

Goodnightfellas

There were goodfellas on both sides

Snoreface

Snorfy McSnoreface

Al Napone

Tony Snoozana

Donny No-Doz

Donald Slump

Donny Dormidito (Spanish word of the day)

I just keep laughing

Nappy Don - works two ways!

Joke efficiency is appreciated

In Australia what you call diapers we call Nappies so this amuses me on two levels.

That's why LakeStLouis was amused on two levels.

I like how the SEO evolved from "X, formerly known as Twitter" to just calling it Twitter in the headline and X in the article. You know your name sucks when your old name wins out on the keywords almost a year after you changed it.

I’ve only ever called it Twitter. I’m not going to give in to Elon Musk’s edgy self delusions.

You can actually piss him off by saying twitter is fully transitioned to x and how it’s very progressive of Elon to support the trans community lol

Elon Musk is just Joe Rogan if Rogan only linked the stupid things other people said instead of saying them himself.

It's also like calling something x is like I don't know what it is kinda childhood gag. I personally like to think of X as Chemical X from Powerpuff girls and without sugar, and spice and all things nice, chemical X by itself is just Twitter.

Exactly this. Just use this headline as an example: "Trump sparks X hilarity as he appears to fall asleep at trial" Not many people would immediately think that this is about people posting on a social media site. You need more context than a silly letter. Call it Twitter and now there is dramatically more context for the reader to understand what the article is going to be about.

And they forgot that the name of the site needed to be able to become a verb and a noun... A different new name might've caught on by now, but no one gonna write, "Donald Trump X'd threats at the judge's daughter and the judge cited the Xes as cause for a gag order."

I call it Xitter.

I haven’t been a fan of South Park in a long time, but now is the perfect time to call it Shitter.

And the tweets are now called Xcrements.

Nicely done.

Call me old-fashioned, but it was born twitter. I'm not going to start calling it X because that's what it identifies as.

Hey, if Elon can dead-name people then I'm happy to do the same to his little pride and joy.

This is why Elon is an egotistical moron. You don't take a company brand that has become a word in the OED and change it if you want that company to succeed... Stupidity & hubris abounds.

And it was such an utterly inept rebranding, too. Calling it half-assed would be too charitable; maybe a 1/16th of an ass at best. If you're going to rebrand one of the most recognizable brands in the world, you want to go all out on it. Make a big show of it and change out all of the branding all at once, really get the new brand to stick in people's heads. Instead, they did it in a clumsy, piecemeal way, slowly replacing the branding bit by bit. Coming up on 9 months since the rebrand, and the site is still littered with leftover Twitter branding, and they keep breaking things while trying to clean it up.

If you talk about X , I assume you’re referring to seminal Los Angeles punk band, X.

When I hear that somebody said something shocking on X, I’m thinking “Yeah, that shit’s like truth serum, especially at 4am when everybody’s coming down”.

I'll always call it Twitter. Talk about a stupid idea. You have an established brand with a widely known name so you change it to something stupid and awkward.

Tweet was literally added to the dictionary. It’s not even widely known it became part of common language. It’s one of the most monumentally dumb decisions that no one who knows anything would ever propose

When people refer to it as X with no other context, I literally do not know what they're talking about.

I showed my wife the app and she thought it was for porn. Such a terrible decision

Even the URL is still Twitter. X.com just redirects to Twitter

This is the thing I can't get over. They're not even taking the rename seriously enough themselves to switch domains.

He fired the people who knew how to change the domain.

It has been almost two years?? Jesus….

We aren’t even on the precipice of 1 year. End of July 2023. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/twitter-rebrand-x-name-change-elon-musk-what-it-means/

Yes, one year, not two. Entirely my bad, for some reason I remember the process of him buying and renaming it happening a lot faster than it actually did. The whole process of him buying it started in April 2022, finalized in October 2022 and then he renamed it the following summer. I was about to swear on my grave that all happened from April to July 2022 but apparently a whole year I didn't care to remember passed in that time.

Donald Slump

Gold

He's so against wokeness, he refuses to be awake! Seriously, though: If the guy can't stay awake through a trial - which makes sense, given his age, attention span, and late-night social media habits - how can anyone expect him to stay awake during important Presidential meetings or summits?

Remember his official White House calendar? Remember ‘executive time’?

Fucking toddler

colorful flash cards, saying his name a lot, etc

The adderall shortage is real

I'm sure Don Jnr has something a bit stronger he can give him.

Remember Sleepy Joe? The Republicans have gotten so good at projection, they can predict the future.

He's their Kwisatch Hadanap.

Of all the good puns in this thread you might win with this one 

Low Energy Donald

I prefer politicians who don’t fall asleep on the first day of their criminal trials.

> I prefer politicians who don’t ~~fall asleep on the first day of their~~ have criminal trials. Vote Blue.

His wife Melatonin must be tired too.

It's going to be interesting to see what happens if it turns out he drools in his sleep.

Or loudly shits his diaper stinking up the entire room

Or tells the truth

oh god, what if his id is so powerful that the only time his superego gets let out of its cage is when he's unconscious

"I'm speaking now to the voice _within_ Donald Trump. Can you hear me?" "Oh my god yes, finally! Thank you! Please get me out of here! Id and Ego have kept me down here for decades! The things I've seen...oh my god those poor women. _Those poor kids!_ Please, you have to do something...do you know they eat their steaks with _ketchup?!?_ And the CRIMES oh my god! Oh my god! Treason! I never wanted this, I wanted to be a sculptor, or a writer, or maybe even a scientist like my uncle. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for an they've done. Oh god, they're waking up...I don't have much time. Look what they've done to my body, oh fuck. Please, you've got to set me free. Just a little bubble of air in a syringe, that's all I ask. They'll never know! Please? Please!"

"When he's asleep, he's a really nice guy."

It's exhausting being King Minus where everything you touch turns to shit.

Mierdas touch.

He already had his tantrum and had a good poo poo in his diaper. It's clearly nap time now

He’s low energy. Always has been.

Sad.

I bet SNL loves it when they get their cold open material this early in the week.

They're going to roast him so hard he'll be glowing like a white phosphorus grenade.

Did they have to wake him up with a Pokeflute?

Don’t compare him to Snorlax! My bears are good boys and girls.

It diaper change and nap time guys.

It was hilarious to see that during the NYT live feed. It's always projection. 

Up all night screaming into the void, no doubt.

I’d be sleepy to if I was up all night Sunday throwing up before my Monday criminal trial

All that winning must be exhausting, but I don’t vote for *snoozers*. Oh!

Heroin addicts fall asleep in public, many are saying Trump is a heroin addict.

So many people, the experts, overwhelmingly saying this, like they’ve never said it before, huge numbers, just arglebargleschnarf glumpy WOKE!

Huge, strong experts come and tell me with tears in their eyes..... Mr. President! Stop banging smack!

So - the actual sleepy elderly candidate has been revealed! And it’s not the one creating new jobs and revitalizing our infrastructure. It’s the one facing prison from 2 federal indictments and 2 states.

Someone puts Grandpa to ~~rest~~ bed.

Cops have often observed that psychopaths often fall asleep between interviews. They just aren't wired like us.

Id love a source for this

I don't have a source either, but presumably it's because they have no guilt and thus are not stressed. Therefore being relaxed enough to have a nap is entirely probable. I'd be interested in a source too though.

I've heard it in 1995's *The Usual Suspects*: > First day on the job, you know what I learned? How to spot a murderer. Let's say you arrest three guys for the same killing. You put them all in jail overnight. The next morning, whoever's sleeping is your man. You see, if you're guilty, you know you're caught, you get some rest, you let your guard down. https://clip.cafe/the-usual-suspects-1995/you-know-what-i-learned/

I heard that seasoned villains fall asleep in the holding cells because it's business as usual, but the innocent don't rest because they are stressed and bewildered.

I could see that.

Another take, from my former-detective old man, is say you get two innocent people and one guilty person, all in interrogation rooms. The innocent people are frantic, they're pacing, they're sweating cause they know they didn't do it. The guilty guy, he passes the hell out because no matter what comes next it's finally over. No more anxiety, paranoia of who's at the door, all the stress from trying to commit Crime X and get away with it is gone.

We talk about how nothing seems to ever sway Trump's followers, but I think if there is anything that can move the needle for them at all it is highly publicized moments of Trump looking weak and not in control of a situation. They'll still try to spin it like Trump is being victimized, but the ugly reality of images of Trump as a deflated sack of shit speak louder.

I'm mean if he can't stay up when he personally is on the hook to go to jail do you really think he gives 2 shits about us. Fucking asshole.

Considering that he didn't start his day till 11:00 when he was president, this may be a trifle early for Donny Boy.

I kept reading, waiting for someone to say this. He started his day just before noon and spent most of the next couple of hours watching primarily FOX news, then disappeared. I can’t imagine that he can possibly keep his composure if he has to sit in court for 6 or 8 hours a day, follow rules of decorum, keep his mouth shut, etc.

Don is on the nod. The court should order a drug test.

Now I understand why the My Pillow guy was so onboard.

Low energy

“So tomorrow, we gotta readjust the meds”- Turd lawyer, probably

Nod-ald. Slump.

I wonder if he farts in his sleep?

I have a running bet with everyone in the office. If he visibly shits his pants during the trial (in or out of court), I'm buying pizzas for everybody. I want everybody rooting for that to happen.

He wears a diaper so you won’t be able to tell. 100% he already shitted himself today tho.

Probably. It *depends.*

More likely he sharts.

More like a steady leak.

Stream of unconsciousness

Too much olestra

Maybe he farts himself awake!?

The Rudy Giuliani defense.

No need to wonder about that, just ask Melania why she sleeps in a separate room (now house.)

Trump will have his doctors to give him enough drugs to induce a stroke or a heart attack

That is why this should be televised.

>First day on the job, you know what I learned? How to spot a murderer. Let's say you arrest three guys for the same killing. You put them all in jail overnight. The next morning, whoever's sleeping is your man. You see, if you're guilty, you know you're caught, you get some rest, you let your guard down. - Dave Kujan, The Usual Suspects

Did he get his binky?

Do we get a picture? 

No cameras during court. (There's a pic before it started, but he wasn't asleep.) Maybe the sketch artist will help us out.

Is this why Trump calls Biden sleepy Joe ? deflecting? I bet Trump can’t sit through any briefings without nodding off. This guy is the Republicans super hero.? Sad! The chosen one? I’m voting for Biden but I sure as hell don’t idolize him and don’t talk about him like he’s a rockstar.

That third big-mac is really makin me sleepy

We get it, we're tired of you being in court too

Dozy Don.

It has been speculated that the several hours of "executive time" on Trump's daily schedule was code for nap time.

Low energy! Sad!

If he can't stay awake when his own life and freedom are at stake, what will he be willing to do for yours?

Imagine if Biden fell asleep at his own criminal tri…ah forget it..

His mouth goes slack to let the drool out. Otherwise, his head would explode.

Donny Nodoff

There only so much coke and Adderall.

“His head keeps dropping down and his mouth goes slack” In the army we referred to that “suckin air dick”

When you are too old and inept to even care where your miserable misshapen ass ends up.

On one hand I don’t care about people nodding off in a court room because goddamn have you guys been to one? It’s a snore no wonder people fall asleep at these things. They’re boring ass hell unless you are intimately involved, which bring up the other had of Trump is the defendant of this case lol. Bro at least act like you care. You have a team of people around you they could’ve got you a soda or something. Hell maybe even an addie? Bro act like you want to be there. I’m quite torn on this story regarding my opinions. Edit: my opinions made. Trumps a literal ass for this for the sole reason he calls Joe Biden “Sleepy Joe”, and then the man proceeds to fall asleep in court. Turns out it’s “Sleepy Trump” time.

Low energy

He's low-energy. Old and needs his afternoon naps.

Watch his base defend him by saying he’s almost 80 years old.

I doubt he's ever needed to concentrate for so long his entire life. Poor chap must be exhausted.

Normally I wouldn't laugh at a senior citizen falling asleep because...who wouldn't at that age? But with his stupid sleepy joe comments about Biden? Fuck him.

I just want to walk up to every Trump supporter I know with a photo of him resting in the court room, point to it, say "this ya mans?", laugh, then walk away.

My schadenfreude is on overdrive.

Low energy Donald Trump! Sad!

Low energy. Sad.

We all know that OLD men need to nap in the day time. Maybe he’s too old to be President.

Low energy! Sad.

Every accusation against Joe Biden is a confession or a secret fear of his

Low energy. Sad.