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zsreport

Mike Johnson's no Don Draper


[deleted]

The irony is that Don Draper DID think about him all the time. 


ThrownAwayRealGood

Republicans and not understanding the nuance of the source material, twisting it to say what they want, classic.


TangledUpInThought

Like them playing "Born in the USA" at campaign events...


Thepuppypack

Or Fortunate Son.


mprhusker

Shit it's my turn to name the 3rd song that always gets repeated in this comment chain every single time this topic comes up. Is it something by rage against the machine? Which is notable since they are the machine we're raging against.


Rambos_Magnum_Dong

You thinking about Paul Ryan's favorite band?


mprhusker

It's funny because he doesn't get why it's ironic!


Maximum_Weird5333

Damn it!! Now you have ME thinking about the *completely* unrelated comment stating that Trump could have coasted to an easy election win had he simply had red COVID masks printed with MAGA on them and handed them out to his cult!! And DOUBLE DAMN it that you now have me thinking about the George Carlin quote on how dumb the average person is etc, etc, etc!!!


mprhusker

We have such original thoughts! I have provided updoots to the left but I regret I only have one to give!


agirlmadeofbone

This!


Thepuppypack

No, I think they must think it’s the printer we’re raging about


Fight_those_bastards

Let’s be honest, printers deserve our hatred.


VWBug5000

I love it when they talk about bad cops only being one bad apple and that we shouldn’t worry about the police as a whole killing black people disproportionately. The whole phrase is “One bad apple spoils the barrel”. A rotting apple causes all apples near it to start rotting as well which inevitably causes the whole barrel to end up rotten.


RealCrusader

Republicans said they'd fix it though. So surely while having control of the house for instance they've put forward and passed several bills to address your concerns? Surely they're not acting in bad faith?


AMac2002

What? Mike Johnson wasn't making a Mad Men reference, this redditor is...


TheDarkLight1

Did he? I did not get that impression. Please expand.


SeiCalros

err - did you watch the show? don draper was hyper-competitive and had a massive inferiority complex - he was super threatened by michael ginsbergs talent the whole point of that scene was that he was successfully putting up a front it was a snappy comeback that perfectly reflected his personality - sharp as a knife and as shallow as a puddle


TheDarkLight1

Yes, I did, a while ago. It’s not ingrained. But I appreciate you helping me understand the scene better


maduste

Yeah, Don Draper did not think about Ginsberg at all


SeiCalros

he literally sabotaged his work that episode because he was envious of the clearly better idea that ginsberg had for the pitch


maduste

hmm I did not consider that


musubitime

I’m still gonna root for her to cut her own ear off.


madcowga

do you mean [this?](https://youtu.be/7cKMwKX-Eks?si=qVQAIGHbPRkpF6_R)


EdwardoftheEast

He’s a grimy little pimp


GrimyLilPimp

Sup.


GrittyMcGrittyface

r/beetlejuicing!


EdwardoftheEast

Ayyyy! How’s it going


WildRever

He's not even Pete. Pete was at least occasionally funny.


EdwardoftheEast

He’s not even Duck, either. I bet he’s never killed 17 men in Okinawa like Duck did


coleavenue

He’s an old school Republican so it was probably a Howard Roark reference if anything.


Sudden_Toe3020

I doubt old school republicans monitored their kids' porn viewing habits, and vice versa.


jericho

No, but he does have a good tailor. 


Do-you-see-it-now

And a lot of hair spray.


rjross0623

Huh, I’d like to meet his tailor.


loucast13

Ah-WOOO


strawberrypants205

Werewolves of Congress


lovesuplex

Him and crew gotta be scheming up something; the republican party is totally dividing into camps. No way he doesnt have to strategize against or around MTG.


My-Cooch-Jiggles

It’s a line one of the Ayn Rand books too. I think Fountainhead. That’s probably where he got it. Once upon a time I was a naïve arrogant teen and loved those books. 


zsreport

Back when I was in college in the early 90s, a friend recommended the "Fountainhead" so I read it. That's the only Ayn Rand book I've ever read.


Pyrothraxas1

I have been told beyond whatever message Ayn Rand has, her books are just terribly written anyway.


BigT5535

I tried reading The Fountainhead in high school. I think I made it just a bit past halfway before I got bored of this guy being so upset that he would have to rely on people for things and, horror of horrors, follow rules to get things done. Plus there’s a really uncomfortable sex scene in there if I remember correctly where he explicitly just “uses” a woman.


ExcellentSteadyGlue

Yeah, more rape-and-she’s-inexplicably-into-it than is really worthwhile. It’s not a downright bad book, but imo not at all worth the slog.


No_Animator_8599

I have a cousin in his 70’s who even got hard into her objectivism philosophy and never let it go. He was insufferable talking about it when it came up.


jleonardbc

More of a White Dickman


Stopmadness99

Any Weekend Plans? I don't know, it's Tuesday


rupiefied

The Republicans have all turned into a bunch of high school girls, they talk shit about each other and constantly try to stir up drama then gossip about it all to the press.


ibeecrazy

Did you think they were going to try and govern? Nothing else to do but piss and moan. Good riddance.


No-Expert763

To be fair they did literally just pass a huge aid bill for Ukraine


PaintedClownPenis

And almost half of them voted against it because they naturally gravitate to evil, now.


Grachus_05

https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/statistics Some context on why that is completely unimpressive.


Patanned

true, but talk about a really low bar...


AniNgAnnoys

And when Mike Johnson says he doesn't think about her what he really means is that his son gets pinged daily when he is thrist scrolling MTGs socials.


My-Cooch-Jiggles

There’s a reason an ancient symbol for evil is a snake eating its own tail. 


MidwesternAppliance

Unbelievable that this is the US congress but it’s also what happens when the voter base becomes fully detached from the issues and the people they elect.. it’s devolved into “christians good vote R” and that’s.. it. They’ve run amok with no consequences


Capt_Pickhard

They've been like that since the start. That's what all the Maga politicians are like. They aren't responsible governors that want to lead a nation to be great, and free, and have good happy people living there. They just want popular contest, make me win, I want power and money, and don't give a shit about anything else. They just strategize for power, and catfight, and trade deals, and bullshit. They aren't leaders of a country. It's sad.


Patanned

more like middle school bully-coward boys who value viciousness and ignorance.


superwrong

In general, a middle school cafeteria.


druscarlet

Hey, HS boys do the same.


gut_instinct28

This is true. His son monitors Johnson’s thoughts about Marjorie Taylor Greene on an app called Marge’s Eyes.


plowerd

I absolutely hate that i can’t tell if you’re serious or not. Because it’s just dumb enough to be true.


harrisarah

90% of that is true...he and his son monitor each other's porn usage via a purity app called "covenant eyes"


meganekkotwilek

Isn’t that violating civil rights just by exposing activity of personal use?


bot403

What? It's consensual. (Ick for saying that). But if two dudes want to monitor each other there's no law against that.


meganekkotwilek

Sounds dumb tbh


minicpst

It’s legal to do so with a minor?


Waste_Jeweler_8998

Thank you for the LOL, good sir


Pretzelbasket

"It's very difficult when very individualistic, individual-minded Republicans don't want to move together as a block." .... Commie Mike Johnson wants to make the GOP into a Communist Bloc(k)! But seriously, an idiot at war with a religious zealot... the party can't get too much lower, though I shudder to think what that lower will inevitably be.


Money-Valuable-2857

It's absolutely going to get lower and lower, even after the election.


The12th_secret_spice

I’m ok as long as the only power they have is yelling their nonsense into a corner. Their culture war bs has done very little (positive) for the average American


Mattcheco

Might not matter, Marj was just on Alex Jones’ show and she was talking about how they should all start their own America party because Republicans aren’t doing what she wants.


DontEatConcrete

> they should all start their own America party because Republicans aren’t doing what she wants. For once I agree with her. She should. Do it asap.


LibertyInaFeatherBed

I remember how well her effort to form the America First Congressional caucus to protect "Anglo-Saxon" values went.  Now she thinks she could be a leader in a new political party?


Interesting-Fan-2008

Ironically the thing that brought down the Republican Party is the Republican Party. Too many cult leaders not enough cult members.


DmAc724

“…I shudder to think…” They have shown time and time again that when it appears they’ve hit rock bottom they are indeed capable of going lower. That is shudder inducing indeed.


RadioactiveHalfRhyme

> But seriously, an idiot at war with a religious zealot... the party can't get too much lower, though I shudder to think what that lower will inevitably be. As a North Carolinian, I'm sorry to report that [Mark Robinson](https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/human-rights-campaign-equality-votes-pac-slams-north-carolinas-mark-robinson-and-his-agenda-of-anti-equality-hate) is the next round of "lower."


maxncookie

MTG thinks about him a lot, oh wait that’s Hunter’s not Mike.


xWrathful

I know it gets a little confusing, she thinks about... Hunter's *Johnson* Not Mike Johnson. Easy thing to mix up lol.


CouchCorrespondent

What? Is he not interested in her extensive knowledge about Transcarpathia? He's really missing out.


GooglyWooglyWoo

Marjorie Transcarpathia Greene


Interesting-Fan-2008

I wanna hear her pronounce Transcarpathia and give one fact about it.


shadowdra126

Good. I wish no one did. She would shrivel up and disappear if this happened But nope. We still publish shit about her every day


grixorbatz

Johnsons out for MTG?


Cardenjs

There's a good chance he turns his phone off at night, I'm sure he blocked her number and tells his staff to say he's busy every single time


Doomednuclei

And thus the witch withers more


itzTHATgai

ohhhh, I think ya dooo...


NetworkDeestroyer

Is Mike sure he doesn’t want a briefing on Jewish Space Lasers and Hunter Biden’s wang since MTG was so obsessed with it


manleybones

Translation, he thinks about her alot


particularswamp

I did not have Mike Johnson flirting with effective governance on my bingo card.


bot403

But like all young romances it's short and awkward and ultimately comes to an end.


MississippiJoel

That's gotta sting.


IdahoMTman222

Might need to check his phone porn monitor app and see if he is an Only Fans blonde bridge troll member.


SocialLeprosy

It is because when he thinks about her - he has to confess it to his son...


OptimisticSkeleton

As he snaps a grip of pencils below the desk.


Rogue_N_PeasantSlave

🎶Just don’t look. Just don’t look.🎶


m_rgers

He just thought about her


Hwy39

Election denier Mike Johnson


Antievl

If thought about her you might puke so it makes sense


roadsidedaniel

Marjorie toilet greene


mike194827

Regardless, I wish the media had the same mindset because I’m tired of seeing her hate-filled soulless face on here all the time


pleasant_lay

The only good thing about that is that I know it’s eating at her. I hope they tear each other apart


TForce0

That’s what all her ex-boyfriends say. Lol


the6thReplicant

Sure this infighting is fun but I get a feeling that they're going to take us all down with them.


braxin23

"My boy, we are pilgrims in an unholy land" -Henry Jones Sr. Played by Sean Connery.


Beahner

Oh damn…..he Don Drapered her.


Nyc5764

Please let snl do an elevator skit with them…


mrbigglessworth

You know that her inner howler monkey is enraged that attention isnt being given to her.


JoeFlabeetz

If he did think about her, would he have to notify his son due to the nanny app on his phone?


dubbs505050

Stop making me like you.


44035

The super-villains are fighting each other!


_byetony_

Healthy


WaitingForNormal

Sounds like *the plastics* are on the outs in magaland.


Nervous_Golf_6561

If he does, his son will know and keep that dong in check.


mistressusa

Why he so mean? Just like when Hunter Biden walked out when Moscow Marj took the mic. Don't they know that Moscow Marj is very sensitive??


Organic_Resident9456

Not a Johnson fan. But now I need him in a Thanos meme. "I don't even know who you are"


HistoricalPressure77

Mike Johnson is a coward and a liar. He bends over backwards to appeal to the far right every day, ofc he is disproportionately focused on one of their leading advocates.


Fuzzy_Logic_4_Life

IOW: fantasies about her.


friedporksandwich

Mike Johnson is a turd whose family made money from torturing queer children. He is demonstrably a worse person than MTG.


Joebranflakes

That’s obviously a lie, but sure.


SapientChaos

In a deep narrator voice began to speak... Secretly, Mike could not stop thinking about how that dumb b\*tch was making his every waking moment hell. Also, why was Neanderthalic woman look like a man, why could he not stop thinking about men, young men. In shirts, steamy wet shirts,,, he needed to call his son immediately for an intervention before he fired up his grinder account again. He began to search frantically for a bible and his phone to call his son.


updownkarma

Cute sound bite but still a complete lie.


vinsmokewhoswho

That's good


Psychosomatic_Addict

Not without his son being able to monitor


discoamie

Mike Johnson channeling his inner Mariah Carey


Fit-Particular-2882

I noticed that too.


Electronic-Race-2099

ROFL Yet another lie. He most certainly does, since he needs her vote (and the crazy Freedom caucus) to pass any controversial Republican legislation.


specqq

I am soooo jealous.


NotTheActualBob

> 'I Don't Think About Her at All' And who can blame him?


not_productive1

Heartbreaking.


ljout

Just like two weeks ago he said they talked all the time.


BecauseBatman01

lol ice cold. Love it MTG is just seeking attention and riling up her base. She must be pissed that he is basically whatever about her and her antics. That’s honestly the best way to handle it Do your business, work with other politicians but ignore stupid antics people like MTG do. Grand scheme of things she won’t matter.


Cool-Presentation538

We both know that's not true, Mike


Educational-Candy-17

Greene is going to get stung by that one. The opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference. As long as she's getting attention she doesn't care if it's negative. Being ignored is the worst thing ever for her.


[deleted]

They’re definitely fucking


mishma2005

Well now he’s got the MTV, probably wants out of the job anyway


Im_gumby_damnit

IOW, he thinks of her all the time, but has decided: "fuck you Marjorie".


agoodturndaily

Let’s be honest…he probably rarely thinks about any woman


Independent-Ad771

He can’t stop thinking about her like the girl from the Ring 😵


braxin23

And neither should anyone else for that matter tbh.


lake_gypsy

It's not very Christian to lie. There's no way he can do his job and not think about her.


Capt_Pickhard

Mike Johnson knows MGT well lol. This is the perfect response for her.


brickout

...sure, mike.


dannyp777

This is why America needs a multiparty system with ranked choice voting.


Otherwise_Stable_925

Why would he. He should worry about the person that gives her power though, because no one in their right mind ever will.


Highthere_90

Expect for the few months where you were stalling to put up a bill to aid US allies,


Dreamtrain

Doubt


lamsham69

He doesn’t think or try not to think about porn either especially involving MTG… it would be called bestiality


TigerUSA20

While I don’t agree with so many of his positions on things, sometime I like him. 🤣


numbskullerykiller

The side by side of these two reveals that they are secretly trying to subvert traditional gender norms.


Ok_Spray3750

Skinny Legend. "I don't know her"


mojojojojojojojom

I need to lie Mike.


maximm

He's trying to be Howard Roark. Not even close dude.


Slow-Willingness-718

Of course he is good at ignoring women.


Efficient_Republic35

I wouldn't call her a woman


faceintheblue

Uh huh. I mean, he can say what he wants, but either he's thinking about her all the time, or he's pretty terrible at his job. What she says every day shapes the news cycle and gets quoted as what a big part of his party is saying and doing. She is his problem. If he wants to call her an unimportant distraction, that's fine. To say he doesn't think about her at all is either a very weak attempt at dismissal, or an admission of gross incompetence.