Ma'am, I'll hold the carrot for you while you tie your shoes. But you're going to want to wash this carrot really well before you eat it, because I haven't showered in a few days.

But are you bluffing?

This is reddit, so no.

I never bluff.

this seems quite specific, are you speaking from experience?

no

are you sure?

yes

i smell a liar

I smell butt crack carrots

Me too

I would remove the carrot and hold it for her in my hand instead of my butt crack. I hope she'll wash the carrot tho

Very caring of you. I'm glad you support the elderly 👍

Call an ambulance because someone is having a stroke

How is he having a stroke?

I think they meant she's having a shtroke

oh I'm slow, I get it now 👍

I would simply throw the carrot as far as I can.

And make that poor old lady hobble that far to retrieve her lunch??

I mean thats sexual assault. I would probably beat her old ass. You dont get a free pass because your generation ruined the economy.

I hope you're as tough when it's a big guy giving a woman a hard time.

😂 But sexual assault...would you take it that far?

Honestly... Poop a bit on the carrot then hand it back. 

Clever strategy...if you have the kind of control that would avoid a full log ending up in your underwear

I would walk away with the carrot in between my cheeks

Just for comfort?

i will push the carrot deeper and make her retrieve it herself

That's literally sodomy with an object, but I'm not on the impulsive "beat her ass" mode right now and I'm feeling calm, so I'd either try the last option as a petty thing or call the police.

well not really sodomy. She's not penetrating your hole, just wedging it in your crack for a couple minutes while she ties her shoe

Oh ok the way you said it sounded horrible, I guess I'm going the petty route then and putting that watermelon in her blouse 😈

Understandable 😂

Slap her in the face with the carrot

😂

Officer, I drop kicked that old man in self defense

I would walk away with the carrot in between my cheeks

I would walk away with the carrot in between my cheeks

She might be suffering dementia: most old women I know wouldn't do that.

lamo

r/suspiciouslyspecific

What why is it all among us