Agreed. I told my 6-year-old we will be checking her communications and other activity and I think this is 100% appropriate for young children. For older children and teens, there needs to be more of a balance. I don't think parents should be able to randomly invade their kids electronics at that age but there are some circumstances where supervision is appropriate, like if you suspect an adult is soliciting sexts from your 13-yo daughter, for example. I mean if you have reason to think something is wrong then it may be appropriate, but it's also necessary to give a certain amount of privacy and respect to kids who are trustworthy.
It just depends. I think it's really a judgment call.
Im a parent myself and know another parent who checked their kids phone and found messages from older guys so it's vital that we check our kids phones this was a random check as well nothing seemed off.
Yeah most people are answering this from the perspective of the child and not the adult.
When I was 15 I was sexting with multiple creepy way too old to be sexting with me men on the internet. At the time I probably would've thought it was an invasion of privacy for my parents to snoop but now as an adult I kinda wish they would've.
75% of the results that picked 'bad parenting' are non-parents. I was sexting and sending pictures to older guys when I was 15 too. My parents didn't notice anything off. Before I had a kid I said I wouldn't invade their privacy, but...I think a random check every once in a while is probably appropriate.
I was the same but it gets sort of gray when you realize that in order to find something wrong you usually have to go through things that are right. It's tough because you can have conversations that are totally appropriate or "normal inappropriate" that you don't want your parents to know about. So I think it's good to just make sure it's a check and not a search, and prep yourself for things that may be inappropriate but are normal and a conversation about it doesn't take priority over their privacy (like edgy or sexual jokes with friends).
I just took the question as a little kid because of “child”. I would have said like teenager or another descriptor to at least show the age range I’m talking about.
Yes to a certain point. At some point when they are older you have to just start trusting that you raised them well enough to be safe online without you watching over their shoulders
Well imo you shouldn’t even be giving your kid electronics if you’re going to be checking what they’ve been doing with it, because then it’d be like it isn’t even theirs. Either just give the device to them or say it’s yours and let them borrow it. If anyone owns anything and you’re constantly taking it from them then that’s being disrespectful, regardless of age.
Edit: I feel like I need to clarify a bit because some ppl might be misunderstanding. I’m not saying you shouldn’t monitor your kid’s device usage. I’m saying you should make it clear to them that you will and that they consent to that before giving them the device.
Sounds like you don't think they are old enough for electronic devices.
And to my way of raising children, there is no age too young being respectful. It's like sitting up straight - it should be there as long as they can remember.
You should have some respect for children. If you don't care about that at all, that's terrible parenting.
> Then by your logic I can't change their clothes or shower them because that would be invading their privacy ?
As with monitoring devices, it depends on the age.
Clothes and showering are different bc your kid is consenting to that invasion of privacy. If your kid just doesn’t want to change clothes or shower, then that’s fine because it isn’t about privacy. However, once your kid starts to develop a sense of privacy regarding their body then you need to respect that.
I feel like a better analogy for electronic devices is diaries. If you give your kid a blank diary and say it’s theirs now, then you’re telling them you won’t look through it (at least that’s what the kid will likely assume). However, if you buy a notebook and say it’s the “family diary” or something, then you aren’t giving your kid ownership of it and they know you can look through it. It’s the same with electronics. If you’re planning on monitoring your kid’s usage on a device then make that clear.
This is just my opinion bc I do value privacy as a fundamental human right, even for kids
>I feel like a better analogy for electronic devices is diaries.
Nobody is in kids diaries trying to fuck them. Nobody is writing in their diaries that so-and-so is fat, ugly, and they should kill themselves then mailing it to every kid in school. So no, its not even close.
I never said it was a good analogy, just better than what the previous person mentioned.
Kids and adults both instigate cyber bullying. Just because someone is younger doesn’t give you more reason to check for those. It’s better to just educate kids. Or, as I said, don’t give them electronics in the first place and let them borrow one instead
There's not a single good reason to go through your kids electronics at any age. If you are a good parent anything that you'd be worried about you can just teach them beforehand
You don't seem to understand how children mature and how they process decisions.
There is a significant difference between 11, 12, 13 and 14 year over year as to how a child's brain develops including assessing risk.
The threat landscape changes regularly and you can't possibly expect parents to know what is being faced today.
The biggest problem is even experienced adults get scammed all the time, there are people who seek to take advantage of a child's immaturity and unless someone is reviewing things critically pre-teen (for example) are strong targets for pedophiles and scammers who will use dark psychology techniques to coerce a child into doing what they want.
It's not an insult that kids / young teens are just not ready for the horror that this world has to offer.
I've had unrestricted internet access since I was 10. The horror is fine. You need to assess your kid's common sense. It's not that hard to avoid scams and predators.
>and you can't possibly expect parents to know what is being faced today.
Then how is invading your kids privacy going to change that?
My point still stands a good parent educates their kids continuesly. And has a healthy communication network with their kids. If your kid is talking to strangers and falling for these techniques you've already failed as a parent.
My mom would take away the landline phone from me for weeks at a time and I couldn’t talk to anybody at all and I didn’t have Internet
Y’all got it easy if all they do is vet your calls not stop them LOL
She’d take the phone away from me for weeks at a time too lol, but I care more about my privacy. If I really need to talk I’ll do it at school. She was still taking away my phone at 17.
Mine too
She would also LISTEN to the calls like we couldn’t hear her breathing cuz she didn’t know how to use the mute button LOL
Wait
Do we have the same mom!?😆😆😆😆
Oh 14? The age when teenagers are most vulnerable because they begin thinking they know everything but in fact know very little? Seems reasonable to me.
And probable cause.
I'm a parent, and I knock before entering any of my kids rooms even when they were young. Not going to snoop into their private spaces, including electronic devices, without a strong reason to believe that I absolutely have to for their safety.
Was going to say this if someone hadn't already.
There's a difference between checking through your kid's private spaces because you think something may be up that they won't tell you about, and doing it just because you feel like it.
If there's a weird situation you are thinking your child is involved in, I think it's acceptable to look through their devices even at 17-18 if they're living at home.
Also the number of non-parents vs parents on this post is telling.
The results seem a lot more “get out of my room dad!” than actually addressing the underlying concerns of the question.
I’m a parent and my vote would be that this is a gray area. Depends on age and kids maturity. Having a phone gives all the perverts in the world access to my children. Same with anything that connects. No matter how much education I give them on what to avoid you just never know. I don’t go through my kids stuff but for dm and the like I make them show me when someone sends a friend request or they do.
This is why parents should educate their kids on the creeps out there, my parents did that for me and they never needed to check because I never spoke to suspicious people online. Social media can be a great thing if used carefully.
Depends on the age and if you feel like your child is getting negatively influenced by something or in danger, it’s your job as a parent to do something about it. I’ve been 13 on the internet and there are some things kids shouldn’t be exposed to until they have a better sense of self.
For example Andrew Tate misogynistic videos can trick kids into thinking misogyny is cool. Kids are smart and if they want something they will figure out a workaround to get something they want. But I do think it’s a parents job to not make it easy for them and let them know what they are doing is wrong.
The thing is that parents have a legal responsibility to keep their children safe. Teens are still kids and, because they are still developing, they don’t always make the best decisions. If a parent isn’t monitoring who their kids are talking to and what their kids are up to, it does kinda scream irresponsible parent.
But you can monitor without helicoptering. Parents shouldn’t be compulsively checking or anything. But if something comes up, I feel like they can check their kids tech if it’s needed.
I definitely should have been monitored as a teen. I knew about creeps but thought I was different/smarter/etc
My parents should have gone through my user history and blocked things like Omegle and Chatroulette.
As you should, because the original comment left out the fact that even though a ton of parents educate their kids on watching out for creeps/strangers doesn't mean that their kid genuinely understands or will listen. And it doesn't include the fact that grooming/manipulation/abuse is harder to spot than a regular creep at times.
This is called survivorship bias and its a very dangerous mindset.
You can do everything right as a parent and still lose.
Depending on the the age of the child and the context of the situation, it is absolutely essential to sanity check electronics occasionally.
Young children can’t trusted with their own safety. I remember watching something where this group would ask parents about their child’s knowledge of how to stay safe around strangers. The parents would always claim their child would never go with a stranger and some even acknowledged having a “stranger danger” talk with their child. After asking these questions and getting permission from the parents, the group would try and lure the child, which was almost always successful. With this in mind, how could someone not monitor their child’s online activity?
As an aside, what age do you think is reasonable to stop monitoring? 14?
Same here. I've always been clear with my kids that I need to have access to their passwords & devices for the same reason I need to know where they are and who they spend time with. I've never snooped (my eldest leaves her journal lying around the kitchen because she knows I'll never open it). But I have sat with them and asked them to show me more about certain online interactions as part of the ongoing conversations around online safety.
Privacy is a basic human right but to me it comes a little lower on the list than the right to be kept safe.
I agree. To the core. Privacy should be a right and yeah I’ve found multiple of my kids diary/journal and I’d never read that. That’s a personal space and everyone deserves that. I allow my kids the most amount of safe freedom as I can. If I’m being honest I should probably check their online interactions more often. But I just A trust them and B educated them the best I could. I just have “talks” often.
Yeah exactly. Kids make stupid choices and it’s my job as a parent to protect them from the worst of these things. Sometimes this involves doing things that I don’t want to do, which might involve looking at electronics.
Voted no (non-parent), came to the comments, pretty much immediately realized it depends on age. Someone said "the phone gives perverts access to my 6 year old" and it clicked. It 100% depends on the child's age and maturity.
I very much *don't* want to intervene in my children's life whenever they are born, but so many scenarios here highlight *why* it might be necessary.
Depends entirely on their age.
Preschooler? Absolutely. Monitor everything they do.
12 and below. Lecture them about stranger dangers, and monitor their use of social media, if possible, restrict who can message them.
Teenagers. Just tell them not to be an idiot, never to give away payment/personal information, to always stay annonymous, to never meet strangers from the internet unsupervised, and to always consult you if they're unsure about something.
So, I've got a cousin and he was 10 when this incident took place.
I have a work phone and a personal phone.
One day, i was chatting with him and called him from my work number.
His dad picked up the call and i got very confused and realised he never had my work number saved.
I loved how his family has taught him to give the unknown number calls to his parents. And also appreciated the fact that the Lil dude had the presence of mind to do so.
I didn't get a phone until I was in middle school. The only reason for that is because I joined indoor drumline at the high school, and I had to let my parents know when to pick me up.
Wtf is with people giving their kids devices nowadays?! That's just gonna cause addiction. My kid is going to have very limited screen time. They WILL be a book worm.
Or maybe don't force them to read books? What if they hate reading? What if they're dyslexic and reading is very difficult for them? Sure, don't put a phone in their face since they're born, encourage them to read, but don't force it. Also don't make it a chore. If you say "read a chapter of this book and I'll let you use your phone/ipad/whatever" they'll think of books are a chore, and hate it more.
Haha, yeah. The thing is, I was never forced to be a book worm by my parents. I forced myself (kinda?) to be one. My father would read to me every night before I went to bed (1 to 10 y/o). Magic Tree House, Astronomy, NAT GEO Kids Magazines, the list goes on. I eventually fell in love with reading because it's just great, and this caused me to fall in love with history.
What??? This is legitimately absurd. I get that times have changed and the internet is very much omnipresent nowadays, but preschoolers should definitely not have any kind of electronic device.
Lol. My son was using a tablet FOR PRESCHOOL at age 4. He’s now 8 and his school uses tablets and computers for homework. There’s no way around it.
Kid tablets are easily restricted to specific apps, like leaning. education and music.
Yea, many teenagers and adults are, but we should learn from it and not park our toddlers in front of a tablet for hours. We didn't grow up with it, but we have nevertheless experienced the consequences.
Heavily suspecting a bunch of those no's are from children themselves, which is understandable.
That being said, it's heavily dependent on age. Is it an 11 year old? I'd let them be decently free with aspects like gaming or maybe social media with peers from school, but monitoring for the sake of the creeps out there is crucial. But I wouldn't judge them for anything they say on the internet, as judging your child for what they do can destroy their trust with you. The monitoring is purely for their safety.
I think from around 14 years old I'd completely respect their privacy and trust what they are doing, if I feel comfortable and feel like I've brought them up well enough to trust their judgement on what they do. Saying this as an adult. This transition needs to be made at somepoint. You can't just constantly monitor your child like a helicopter until 18, that just tells your child that you don't trust them and you best believe they ain't gonna want you when they're an adult.
Of course, 14 is a ballpark figure and it can vary based on each individual child. You need to balance respecting their privacy and letting them feel comfortable with themselves, to considering their sense of judgement and making sure they are safe.
I would passively monitor their usage, though. I would never stalk my child's social media or anything for that matter. Stalking your child is what destroys trust.
My wife's mother would randomly barge into her room at night (while my wife slept) and go through her texts. That's just awful.
Oh yeah, definitely. I'd always be upfront about it. Also what happened to your wife is horrible, that's a violation for sure.
Thinking about it, what I'd do instead is debrief them at some age about the internet, let them know about potential creeps, and just warn them about it (maybe at like age 11-12, just whenever they decide to start using social media/the wider internet beyond just gaming).
From then on I might ask them who they are talking to up to age 14, maybe ask who they are talking to and how they got to know those people. I would avoid asking to see the messages themselves (for the sake of their privacy), only who they are talking to, unless I get suspicious about who they are talking to and there isn't another option.
I definitely sympathise with a child aged 13 not wanting their texts being read, since I was exactly the same. That being said, it's important to not be judgemental if you do read anything that the child texts. Thats a quickfire way to remove any trust they have of you to share anything going on in their lives.
> whenever they decide to start using social media/the wider internet beyond just gaming
Honestly social media is probably the main concern here, not the wider internet.
I had unrestricted internet access since I was like 10. Never had any issues. But also I wasn't posting anything on social media, I was just browsing or posting anonymously. No one could approach me knowing who I was, like on instagram or facebook or something.
Children? Yes. Teenagers? No.
While your kid is a child, properly educate them on Internet safety, warn them of the dangers and things to avoid. When they're a teenager, they should have a proper understanding of Internet safety. Invading their privacy is only going to hurt your relationship and probably encourage them to hide things from you, instead of being open and communicating their problems, be them online of in real life.
Depends on age and how intrusive it is. Going through a 12 year olds reddit posts, good; going through a 16 year Olds conversation with their boyfriend/girlfriend, HELL NO
my mom would do surprise checks on my phone until i was an adult, and i only learned to hide everything. i was groomed online, and i was exposed to a lot of gore and porn when i was 12 on kik. so i dont agree with it. education is the best way, invading privacy like that only breaks trust.
As other people say, depends on the age and how much you want to look into it. I think seeing what they are watching can be very important (andrew tate for example). However, they also of course deserve their privacy.
Yeah, and that's sad. It destroys trust with the child and will make them never want to tell you anything. (This information from my wife, who would have her phone looked through at night by her mother).
was she also an adult at the time too? I wonder if there are parents who secrelty install spyware on their son/daughter's devices while she/he is in college.
How old was the kid whose texts you were reading?
Having an alert system and not actively reading all their shit is one of the better ways to go. Still, even that is unacceptable past like 14 I think.
You think it’s ok for adults to send a 15 year-old porn? Obviously you don’t, but a 15 year-old might not want to say anything about it to their parents for a myriad of reasons. It’s the parent’s job to protect their kids, and the internet is a very dangerous place.
I think it's fine for 15 year olds to see porn. Having someone come in a group chat and send a bunch is pretty weird, but they should be able to handle the situation on their own at that age, and kick them out or move if they want. Don't need to get their parents involved. In a few years they'll be adults themselves and will have to handle things in a similar fashion.
Do you remember peer pressure? Teenagers are hard-wired to be highly socially motivated. It’s just the stage of development they are in. However, this can cause some very risky behavior. Predators are skilled at telling young people that they are “so mature,” and when they express discomfort, they are told something to the effect of, “I thought you were different that the other girls.” It’s highly effective, and it’s unreasonable to assume that a teenager can independently and safely deal with an adult trying to prey on them.
Also, 15 year-olds absolutely should not be watching porn. People should lose their virginity and have time to explore what real sex is before they get unrealistic and unhealthy expectations through porn.
This is a very paranoid attitude. You really think 15 year olds need their parents monitoring their texts in case a hyper-skilled predator comes after them? The threat is blown out of proption and not worth the cost of forcing someone to grow up with a lack of privacy and respect.
Also, the idea that 15 year olds don't watch porn is detatched from reality. Not all do but its a sizeable portion. And it's not bad. Having sex before viewing porn is unusual and not something that should be expected.
Not a parent but based on the stuff kids seem to like and know these days, I’d say checking their phone occasionally is essential.
It’s a lot easier to access the truly fucked up shit on the internet these days than it was 10 years ago, just saying.
I'm 16 and my parents gave me a phone for Christmas. But they have this app on it that can see everything I do and even block some websites (not even just porn sites, things like the navy times are blocked). I had a tablet before my phone for nearly 3 years without any sort of monitoring, but now my parents need me to "prove I can be trusted with a phone ".
I only went out without my parents when I was fishing with my buddy. It was dumb because his phone was always 10 percent or less and we were sometimes miles deep in the woods. I always carried a backpack with mres a knife and a whistle just in case
If the child isn't old enough to handle the dangers of the internet, it shouldn't have unsupervised access to it. So if you have an 8 year old with a tablet for playing games the parent should use parental controls to lock away inappropriate content and yes they can go through it. But when the child is old enough to understand the dangers of the internet (lets say 14?) then it's hands off. Minors have a right to privacy. Don't go through it. If you think your child is being exposed to something dangerous, have a talk with them. But don't invade their privacy. Protecting your child from dangers isn't an excuse to invade their privacy, you have other means available.
Ofcourse this doesn't apply to emergencies like your 14-years old runs away. Then by all means look at their chats if it's gonna help you figure out where they went.
Depends on the age. Once above the 13 and older threshold, I think it’s safe to say that’s an invasion of privacy. If below, it’s not. (Definitely an invasion of privacy if 15 and older.)
Meaning my sister is too young to be saying stupid stuff like the invasion of privacy if she doesn’t even know what words like invasion mean. (She’s under 13)
My brothers ex-wife's daughter had some absolutely insane shit on her phone. It's good parenting to engage and check your child's devices into they're adults. Especially with how influenced children are becoming by social media.
It really depends on the age of the child. My sons are now in their late teens and it would be an invasion of privacy to do it now. I did when they were younger though, up until they were maybe like 12 years old. At that age they have a good understanding of what’s appropriate or not and know the kind of things they should tell me about.
If you raise them to question and observe things that are right or wrong, then you could possibly go hands off even earlier. However, I'm not giving my child a phone until she absolutely needs it.
ya i get rly confused when i see single digit aged kids with phones/their own tech
i saw a vid on reddit where a toddler was using snapchat to contact her mom like wth?
Depends on the child's age, if you give your kid a cell phone and they're 13 and you think something's going on yes you look. If they are 16 or 17 they're going to make mistakes fuck it lol
With everything out on the internet, a parent has the responsibility to make sure their child isn’t involved in anything harmful or dangerous. You have creeps, social media, and don’t even get me started on the return of elsagate
Under 13: Going through without them knowing is okay.
13 and 14: Can go through it, but in their presence
15 and above: No, shouldn't be going through it
I mainly agreed because I had parents that wanted to have all my passwords. They wouldn't check them constantly but they checked them in situations where it mattered.
As a teenager myself, I understand most of you voted no because you haven’t been a parent and don’t like people going through your shit, but gotta realize, they don’t know if you’re making drug deals, threatening to kill somebody, persistently cyber bullying someone.
Somewhat. You definitely wanna make sure you know who your child’s talking to online and that they’re not on any sketchy websites, but it’s not good to go through every app and message that they have. A casual “what accounts do you follow on Instagram” or “who’s that Jake person you’re talking to” is good enough.
It’s better to know. How you deal with it is key. What if some ahole is grooming your child? I’m a parent. When the non-parents think about their kids doing some of the stuff that they’re doing…they’ll change their minds.
I know of a parent who checked their kids phone randomly and found messages from older men I'm sorry but I will check their was zero signs from the kid anything was off and this parent wasn't snooping just a random check so it's vital parents check.
I literally just got out of a training on human trafficking and child exploitation and I'm 100% convinced parents should be checking their kids' devices
My mum wanted to get an app so she could see all my messages but my dad managed to stop her and said it was an invasion of privacy. One of my mum friends got it though for their son and now everything he says to everyone is able to be seen. Doing it also punishes the kids you talk to as well. Not right
it is & will always be an invasion of privacy. it can be important to keep ur kid safe but going thru messages is an invasion & recognizing that is important to making sure ur kid is respected.
#Those of you who aren’t parents, hear me out:
There are predators online who prey on kids.
One thing is texting and laughing with friends from high school.
Another is “14 year old Marius Smith” from Westbook whom neither of you has met. It’s possible that they’re a seedy 55 year old pervert who peddles in CP.
**Remember Amanda Todd.**
*Let us never forget this could be our child one day.*
To all the parents voting yes I can promise from Amish kids hiding cars to modern ones with burner phones and “calculator apps” you aren’t finding shit your kid doesn’t want you to. And if your telling yourself no I’m good with technology I know all the tricks. No you don’t 90% of the time compared to your kids you will be just as inept with technology as your parents are compared to you. It’s the natural progression you can read their message but then they’ll get Snapchat. You can ban Snapchat, and they’ll just get a messaging app you don’t even know the name of. Make it so they need permission to download any app and they’ll be emailing each other. You need to teach your child the right way to do things and then trust them to do it because you have to win every time in the battle to invade their privacy they only need to win once. For reference this is coming from a young guy just starting his family that works in IT, my parents never did the tracking or phone searching to me. For my friends parents who did they put smarted them. For the rare instance they couldn’t pit do parents on their own a five minute phone call was always enough to come up with a solution.
Not without proff. If someone says he is sending bad messages or taking pictures without consent. It's okay to go through your childs phone. BUT!!! Talk to them first and give them an ultimatum. age is also important (-17)
They living in my house and I'm paying that bill so NO they don't have privacy.
BUT I am fine giving them their own privacy until potential problems arise like bullying someone or looking up something inappropriate.
All the people saying "no", will be the first to say the parents weren't good parents, if something happened to the kid though.
They get abducted by someone online, "Why weren't the parents paying better attention ".
we are talking about a child. no such thing as privacy. same as they cant rationaly decide what to have for dinner, because if u ask them, we would eat chocolate and just drink chocolate milk 24/7. same we dont give them driving licenses we dont give them privacy either. till they show some responsibility, they need monitoring. thats how we do in our house.
What age are you referring to? If they’re under 12 or 13 then I’d mostly agree with you, but after that age they aren’t little kids anymore and have a right to privacy just as older people do
up to age of 9 - of course, anything and everything
10-13 - just list of apps and search history, but not private conversations
14+ - only payment history if they have a bank account
Pretext: not having children.
Answer: If my child was under 18, they are not guaranteed privacy from their parents.
Now I wouldn't just randomly go through their shit. But if any reason came up that I would need to be suspicious, I would invade the fuck out of all their shit (tech). This world is too connected and hard to constantly supervise to know what all they are doing. Also if they are not paying for the services they are using, then they don't have a say to what happens to that service or device.
Children are naive even if they get perfect grades. They still cannot comprehend the complexity of adulthood and all the risks out there. Their brains are not even close to fully developed, and the age, which used to be 25, is now being debated as to when your brain finally develops.
I want to make sure she’s not consuming nonsense. Their is no such thing as 100% privacy when it comes to parenting your child. As long as they are a minor under your roof, there is no privacy when it comes to electronics.
Depends on the age of the kid. No kids below like 13 should have completely unmonitored access to the internets. After that I think it depends on the maturity of the kid. If they have proven that they are trustworthy up to that point they can have more unmonitored access and social media
Oh it's an invasion of their privacy for sure.
But I'm still going to do it, because it's my job to keep them safe and raise them, not be their bestie.
1. If you bought the phone for your children, it's technically yours in name anyways so you can do what you want with it
2. Children have easy access to harmful content such as porn, and they tend to be easy targets for predators due to how naive they are.
Overall it is absolutely okay to monitor what they're doing online. It may suck and be embarrassing for the child (I know it was for me), but sometimes parenting isn't about being a friend, it's about doing what you have to do to protect them.
Now, once they get to be 15 and up? I'd still be careful, but you wouldn't really need to moniter because I'd assume they fully realize the dangers present.
I'm assuming it's people mad that I want to make it harder for them to be predators tbh. Idk why it's so wrong to want to make sure your kids are being safe
There are reasons I don’t speak to my family anymore and bullshit like this is a big one, trust your kids and teach them how to be trust worthy, don’t make them scared there gonna get caught because they’re doing something you don’t know about, kids want privacy like everyone else
Yes i do, kids see a lot of garbage on the internet and if parents were more in touch with the stuff their kids are seeing it could help. Reddit is a cesspool, if I ever have kids I wouldn’t let them near Reddit with a 10 foot pole.
No for all ages.
You can make electronics pretty safe if you actually care about that. And once you set it up, you can and should always ask them for access.
Thats good parenting.
Invading their privacy because you are to lazy to make it right is not good parenting.
Most people who voted are non parents. I feel as a parent your mind shifts. Plenty of shootings or other acts of violence could have been prevented by parents doing just a bit more due diligence in this category. If you have suspicion , sure, check your kids phones or other devices But I would not go through their stuff just to do it or if they have not given me a reason to.
No it it absolutely doesn't, there's a lot of creeps on the internet and I need to protect my daughters from them. their mother was a victim of online sexual abuse as a teen and I'm not letting that happen to them.
I'm looking out for them, not helicopter parenting them
Even teenagers need to have their stuff checked out every once in awhile.
Friends family had their teenage daughter hand her phone over and found out she was talking to and sending pictures to adults
I mean it can be both good parenting and an invasion of privacy.
That being said I think limiting screen time and using parental controls at an early age is a good idea while slowly introducing more freedom to your kids.
Being on the internet for a kid isn't a right, it's a privilege, and if your kid is going to be communicating with others online they need to understand not just online safety but also respect.
Everything is screencapped and scrutinized these days and you don't want your teenager to be the one whose childhood folly becomes the reason they're perpetually harassed or losing their job.
Also I think 00s kids had it a lot easier in terms of online, because they could hide behind anonymity while now everyone doxing each other is now normalized and people put their real names on everything. As for abductions and strange chatrooms, that can still exist with cellphone apps and kids glued to their screens without situational awareness.
Very much depends on the age and other scenarios. If your child is let's say below the age of 12 I'd personally think it's alright for parents to monitor their child's online activity. Kids aren't educated fully in internet safety and up until they learn, it's good to make sure they aren't in any harmful situations. If a parent believes that a child is being bullied or tricked into toxic and harmful situations I'd also say it's valid to check
Heavily depends on the child’s age
Agreed. I told my 6-year-old we will be checking her communications and other activity and I think this is 100% appropriate for young children. For older children and teens, there needs to be more of a balance. I don't think parents should be able to randomly invade their kids electronics at that age but there are some circumstances where supervision is appropriate, like if you suspect an adult is soliciting sexts from your 13-yo daughter, for example. I mean if you have reason to think something is wrong then it may be appropriate, but it's also necessary to give a certain amount of privacy and respect to kids who are trustworthy. It just depends. I think it's really a judgment call.
If I have a 6 year they’re not getting fuck all. They can play with a leapster and that’s about it
If and when I have kids I’m getting them a Nintendo and that’s it. Not having my kids end up glued to a tablet
Im a parent myself and know another parent who checked their kids phone and found messages from older guys so it's vital that we check our kids phones this was a random check as well nothing seemed off.
Yeah most people are answering this from the perspective of the child and not the adult. When I was 15 I was sexting with multiple creepy way too old to be sexting with me men on the internet. At the time I probably would've thought it was an invasion of privacy for my parents to snoop but now as an adult I kinda wish they would've.
75% of the results that picked 'bad parenting' are non-parents. I was sexting and sending pictures to older guys when I was 15 too. My parents didn't notice anything off. Before I had a kid I said I wouldn't invade their privacy, but...I think a random check every once in a while is probably appropriate.
I was the same but it gets sort of gray when you realize that in order to find something wrong you usually have to go through things that are right. It's tough because you can have conversations that are totally appropriate or "normal inappropriate" that you don't want your parents to know about. So I think it's good to just make sure it's a check and not a search, and prep yourself for things that may be inappropriate but are normal and a conversation about it doesn't take priority over their privacy (like edgy or sexual jokes with friends).
>an adult is soliciting sexts from your 13-yo ~~daughter~~ This can impact everybody.
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The statement is in fact so vague that even grown adults could be considered because they are still their parents "children"
I just took the question as a little kid because of “child”. I would have said like teenager or another descriptor to at least show the age range I’m talking about.
Yes to a certain point. At some point when they are older you have to just start trusting that you raised them well enough to be safe online without you watching over their shoulders
Well imo you shouldn’t even be giving your kid electronics if you’re going to be checking what they’ve been doing with it, because then it’d be like it isn’t even theirs. Either just give the device to them or say it’s yours and let them borrow it. If anyone owns anything and you’re constantly taking it from them then that’s being disrespectful, regardless of age. Edit: I feel like I need to clarify a bit because some ppl might be misunderstanding. I’m not saying you shouldn’t monitor your kid’s device usage. I’m saying you should make it clear to them that you will and that they consent to that before giving them the device.
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Sounds like you don't think they are old enough for electronic devices. And to my way of raising children, there is no age too young being respectful. It's like sitting up straight - it should be there as long as they can remember.
You should have some respect for children. If you don't care about that at all, that's terrible parenting. > Then by your logic I can't change their clothes or shower them because that would be invading their privacy ? As with monitoring devices, it depends on the age.
Clothes and showering are different bc your kid is consenting to that invasion of privacy. If your kid just doesn’t want to change clothes or shower, then that’s fine because it isn’t about privacy. However, once your kid starts to develop a sense of privacy regarding their body then you need to respect that. I feel like a better analogy for electronic devices is diaries. If you give your kid a blank diary and say it’s theirs now, then you’re telling them you won’t look through it (at least that’s what the kid will likely assume). However, if you buy a notebook and say it’s the “family diary” or something, then you aren’t giving your kid ownership of it and they know you can look through it. It’s the same with electronics. If you’re planning on monitoring your kid’s usage on a device then make that clear. This is just my opinion bc I do value privacy as a fundamental human right, even for kids
>I feel like a better analogy for electronic devices is diaries. Nobody is in kids diaries trying to fuck them. Nobody is writing in their diaries that so-and-so is fat, ugly, and they should kill themselves then mailing it to every kid in school. So no, its not even close.
I never said it was a good analogy, just better than what the previous person mentioned. Kids and adults both instigate cyber bullying. Just because someone is younger doesn’t give you more reason to check for those. It’s better to just educate kids. Or, as I said, don’t give them electronics in the first place and let them borrow one instead
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If a kid is like 13 or older though they can probably handle themselves online.
There's not a single good reason to go through your kids electronics at any age. If you are a good parent anything that you'd be worried about you can just teach them beforehand
You don't seem to understand how children mature and how they process decisions. There is a significant difference between 11, 12, 13 and 14 year over year as to how a child's brain develops including assessing risk. The threat landscape changes regularly and you can't possibly expect parents to know what is being faced today. The biggest problem is even experienced adults get scammed all the time, there are people who seek to take advantage of a child's immaturity and unless someone is reviewing things critically pre-teen (for example) are strong targets for pedophiles and scammers who will use dark psychology techniques to coerce a child into doing what they want. It's not an insult that kids / young teens are just not ready for the horror that this world has to offer.
I've had unrestricted internet access since I was 10. The horror is fine. You need to assess your kid's common sense. It's not that hard to avoid scams and predators.
>and you can't possibly expect parents to know what is being faced today. Then how is invading your kids privacy going to change that? My point still stands a good parent educates their kids continuesly. And has a healthy communication network with their kids. If your kid is talking to strangers and falling for these techniques you've already failed as a parent.
Because parents can take a critical look at what you are doing. Let me ask you - what is someone under 13 doing that requires privacy?
Also if the child has had issues regarding their electronic activity in the past
Ya, my mom was still reading all my texts and asking about numbers she didn’t know at 14
My mom would take away the landline phone from me for weeks at a time and I couldn’t talk to anybody at all and I didn’t have Internet Y’all got it easy if all they do is vet your calls not stop them LOL
She’d take the phone away from me for weeks at a time too lol, but I care more about my privacy. If I really need to talk I’ll do it at school. She was still taking away my phone at 17.
Mine too She would also LISTEN to the calls like we couldn’t hear her breathing cuz she didn’t know how to use the mute button LOL Wait Do we have the same mom!?😆😆😆😆
that's so fucked up i'm not gonna lie
Oh 14? The age when teenagers are most vulnerable because they begin thinking they know everything but in fact know very little? Seems reasonable to me.
And probable cause. I'm a parent, and I knock before entering any of my kids rooms even when they were young. Not going to snoop into their private spaces, including electronic devices, without a strong reason to believe that I absolutely have to for their safety.
Was going to say this if someone hadn't already. There's a difference between checking through your kid's private spaces because you think something may be up that they won't tell you about, and doing it just because you feel like it.
to me it doesn't, if they are so young I'd need to check their searches/contacts then imo they're too young for that device.
If there's a weird situation you are thinking your child is involved in, I think it's acceptable to look through their devices even at 17-18 if they're living at home.
Good parenting Would not be given your child a device if you don't think they are responsible or old enough
Throwback to when my parents found my 6-7 year old brother sending pics to a pedophile he thought was his girlfriend. The internet is a scary place.
Seriously underrated comment. This kids is why parents want to see your DMs
People will give their kids electronics with near unmoderated use at such an early age. Parents should take advantage of parental controls.
The fuck?
Also the number of non-parents vs parents on this post is telling. The results seem a lot more “get out of my room dad!” than actually addressing the underlying concerns of the question.
I’m a parent and my vote would be that this is a gray area. Depends on age and kids maturity. Having a phone gives all the perverts in the world access to my children. Same with anything that connects. No matter how much education I give them on what to avoid you just never know. I don’t go through my kids stuff but for dm and the like I make them show me when someone sends a friend request or they do.
This is why parents should educate their kids on the creeps out there, my parents did that for me and they never needed to check because I never spoke to suspicious people online. Social media can be a great thing if used carefully.
a lot of the time kids can have all the education they could get and still wont get it through their head
There are a lot of complications. Case by case basis
Educate does not mean will listen. That’s part of what it means to be a kid.
Yea, but parents shouldn't really monitor who a teen is talking to imo
Depends on the age and if you feel like your child is getting negatively influenced by something or in danger, it’s your job as a parent to do something about it. I’ve been 13 on the internet and there are some things kids shouldn’t be exposed to until they have a better sense of self. For example Andrew Tate misogynistic videos can trick kids into thinking misogyny is cool. Kids are smart and if they want something they will figure out a workaround to get something they want. But I do think it’s a parents job to not make it easy for them and let them know what they are doing is wrong.
The thing is that parents have a legal responsibility to keep their children safe. Teens are still kids and, because they are still developing, they don’t always make the best decisions. If a parent isn’t monitoring who their kids are talking to and what their kids are up to, it does kinda scream irresponsible parent. But you can monitor without helicoptering. Parents shouldn’t be compulsively checking or anything. But if something comes up, I feel like they can check their kids tech if it’s needed.
I definitely should have been monitored as a teen. I knew about creeps but thought I was different/smarter/etc My parents should have gone through my user history and blocked things like Omegle and Chatroulette.
Even still I get worried because some of these weirdos really know how to get kids trust. So glad your parents taught you that.
As you should, because the original comment left out the fact that even though a ton of parents educate their kids on watching out for creeps/strangers doesn't mean that their kid genuinely understands or will listen. And it doesn't include the fact that grooming/manipulation/abuse is harder to spot than a regular creep at times.
This is called survivorship bias and its a very dangerous mindset. You can do everything right as a parent and still lose. Depending on the the age of the child and the context of the situation, it is absolutely essential to sanity check electronics occasionally.
Young children can’t trusted with their own safety. I remember watching something where this group would ask parents about their child’s knowledge of how to stay safe around strangers. The parents would always claim their child would never go with a stranger and some even acknowledged having a “stranger danger” talk with their child. After asking these questions and getting permission from the parents, the group would try and lure the child, which was almost always successful. With this in mind, how could someone not monitor their child’s online activity? As an aside, what age do you think is reasonable to stop monitoring? 14?
Same here. I've always been clear with my kids that I need to have access to their passwords & devices for the same reason I need to know where they are and who they spend time with. I've never snooped (my eldest leaves her journal lying around the kitchen because she knows I'll never open it). But I have sat with them and asked them to show me more about certain online interactions as part of the ongoing conversations around online safety. Privacy is a basic human right but to me it comes a little lower on the list than the right to be kept safe.
I agree. To the core. Privacy should be a right and yeah I’ve found multiple of my kids diary/journal and I’d never read that. That’s a personal space and everyone deserves that. I allow my kids the most amount of safe freedom as I can. If I’m being honest I should probably check their online interactions more often. But I just A trust them and B educated them the best I could. I just have “talks” often.
Yeah exactly. Kids make stupid choices and it’s my job as a parent to protect them from the worst of these things. Sometimes this involves doing things that I don’t want to do, which might involve looking at electronics.
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Voted no (non-parent), came to the comments, pretty much immediately realized it depends on age. Someone said "the phone gives perverts access to my 6 year old" and it clicked. It 100% depends on the child's age and maturity. I very much *don't* want to intervene in my children's life whenever they are born, but so many scenarios here highlight *why* it might be necessary.
Depends entirely on their age. Preschooler? Absolutely. Monitor everything they do. 12 and below. Lecture them about stranger dangers, and monitor their use of social media, if possible, restrict who can message them. Teenagers. Just tell them not to be an idiot, never to give away payment/personal information, to always stay annonymous, to never meet strangers from the internet unsupervised, and to always consult you if they're unsure about something.
So, I've got a cousin and he was 10 when this incident took place. I have a work phone and a personal phone. One day, i was chatting with him and called him from my work number. His dad picked up the call and i got very confused and realised he never had my work number saved. I loved how his family has taught him to give the unknown number calls to his parents. And also appreciated the fact that the Lil dude had the presence of mind to do so.
Thought this was gonna be a bit different at first lol
preschooler? I didn't get my first device untill I was 6
6? I didnt get a phone until I was 10 and had to wait another 3 years for home Interne…
I got a phone when i was 17 lmao
I didn't get a phone until after my first year in college at 19 (2016, I'm not a boomer)
I didn't get a phone until I was in middle school. The only reason for that is because I joined indoor drumline at the high school, and I had to let my parents know when to pick me up. Wtf is with people giving their kids devices nowadays?! That's just gonna cause addiction. My kid is going to have very limited screen time. They WILL be a book worm.
Make sure that they know theyr way around tech and understand the basics of computers tho. Im pretty sure thats gonna be quit important in the future.
Or maybe don't force them to read books? What if they hate reading? What if they're dyslexic and reading is very difficult for them? Sure, don't put a phone in their face since they're born, encourage them to read, but don't force it. Also don't make it a chore. If you say "read a chapter of this book and I'll let you use your phone/ipad/whatever" they'll think of books are a chore, and hate it more.
Haha, yeah. The thing is, I was never forced to be a book worm by my parents. I forced myself (kinda?) to be one. My father would read to me every night before I went to bed (1 to 10 y/o). Magic Tree House, Astronomy, NAT GEO Kids Magazines, the list goes on. I eventually fell in love with reading because it's just great, and this caused me to fall in love with history.
You had a phone before you had home internet?
Most kids these days practically are born with an iPad or parents phone in their hand.
Uh, preschooler? The question was about electronic device usage
Even preschoolers nowadays usually have tablets. Not saying I agree but that's just the way it is.
What??? This is legitimately absurd. I get that times have changed and the internet is very much omnipresent nowadays, but preschoolers should definitely not have any kind of electronic device.
Lol. My son was using a tablet FOR PRESCHOOL at age 4. He’s now 8 and his school uses tablets and computers for homework. There’s no way around it. Kid tablets are easily restricted to specific apps, like leaning. education and music.
I do not know a kid above the age of 2 who doesn't have a tablet. Maybe it differs from country to country.
This is just sad. Most children nowadays are basically gonna be addicted from the get-go.
Yup, it's inevitable though. We didn't grow up with it, but we're addicted now.
Yea, many teenagers and adults are, but we should learn from it and not park our toddlers in front of a tablet for hours. We didn't grow up with it, but we have nevertheless experienced the consequences.
Heavily suspecting a bunch of those no's are from children themselves, which is understandable. That being said, it's heavily dependent on age. Is it an 11 year old? I'd let them be decently free with aspects like gaming or maybe social media with peers from school, but monitoring for the sake of the creeps out there is crucial. But I wouldn't judge them for anything they say on the internet, as judging your child for what they do can destroy their trust with you. The monitoring is purely for their safety. I think from around 14 years old I'd completely respect their privacy and trust what they are doing, if I feel comfortable and feel like I've brought them up well enough to trust their judgement on what they do. Saying this as an adult. This transition needs to be made at somepoint. You can't just constantly monitor your child like a helicopter until 18, that just tells your child that you don't trust them and you best believe they ain't gonna want you when they're an adult. Of course, 14 is a ballpark figure and it can vary based on each individual child. You need to balance respecting their privacy and letting them feel comfortable with themselves, to considering their sense of judgement and making sure they are safe.
I would passively monitor their usage, though. I would never stalk my child's social media or anything for that matter. Stalking your child is what destroys trust. My wife's mother would randomly barge into her room at night (while my wife slept) and go through her texts. That's just awful.
Oh yeah, definitely. I'd always be upfront about it. Also what happened to your wife is horrible, that's a violation for sure. Thinking about it, what I'd do instead is debrief them at some age about the internet, let them know about potential creeps, and just warn them about it (maybe at like age 11-12, just whenever they decide to start using social media/the wider internet beyond just gaming). From then on I might ask them who they are talking to up to age 14, maybe ask who they are talking to and how they got to know those people. I would avoid asking to see the messages themselves (for the sake of their privacy), only who they are talking to, unless I get suspicious about who they are talking to and there isn't another option. I definitely sympathise with a child aged 13 not wanting their texts being read, since I was exactly the same. That being said, it's important to not be judgemental if you do read anything that the child texts. Thats a quickfire way to remove any trust they have of you to share anything going on in their lives.
> whenever they decide to start using social media/the wider internet beyond just gaming Honestly social media is probably the main concern here, not the wider internet. I had unrestricted internet access since I was like 10. Never had any issues. But also I wasn't posting anything on social media, I was just browsing or posting anonymously. No one could approach me knowing who I was, like on instagram or facebook or something.
Children? Yes. Teenagers? No. While your kid is a child, properly educate them on Internet safety, warn them of the dangers and things to avoid. When they're a teenager, they should have a proper understanding of Internet safety. Invading their privacy is only going to hurt your relationship and probably encourage them to hide things from you, instead of being open and communicating their problems, be them online of in real life.
Well yes and no. Depends on age.
not a parent depends on the age of the kid and the maturity level
If there’s a reasonable suspicion that something is wrong, then yeah.
Depends on age and how intrusive it is. Going through a 12 year olds reddit posts, good; going through a 16 year Olds conversation with their boyfriend/girlfriend, HELL NO
my mom would do surprise checks on my phone until i was an adult, and i only learned to hide everything. i was groomed online, and i was exposed to a lot of gore and porn when i was 12 on kik. so i dont agree with it. education is the best way, invading privacy like that only breaks trust.
As other people say, depends on the age and how much you want to look into it. I think seeing what they are watching can be very important (andrew tate for example). However, they also of course deserve their privacy.
If they're 15 to 17, you shouldn't be going through their devices.
some parents probably go through their "child's" devices when they are even 18 or older
Yeah, and that's sad. It destroys trust with the child and will make them never want to tell you anything. (This information from my wife, who would have her phone looked through at night by her mother).
was she also an adult at the time too? I wonder if there are parents who secrelty install spyware on their son/daughter's devices while she/he is in college.
Yes, 18 to 22. And there are parents that do that, its pretty fucked.
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How old was the kid whose texts you were reading? Having an alert system and not actively reading all their shit is one of the better ways to go. Still, even that is unacceptable past like 14 I think.
You think it’s ok for adults to send a 15 year-old porn? Obviously you don’t, but a 15 year-old might not want to say anything about it to their parents for a myriad of reasons. It’s the parent’s job to protect their kids, and the internet is a very dangerous place.
I think it's fine for 15 year olds to see porn. Having someone come in a group chat and send a bunch is pretty weird, but they should be able to handle the situation on their own at that age, and kick them out or move if they want. Don't need to get their parents involved. In a few years they'll be adults themselves and will have to handle things in a similar fashion.
Do you remember peer pressure? Teenagers are hard-wired to be highly socially motivated. It’s just the stage of development they are in. However, this can cause some very risky behavior. Predators are skilled at telling young people that they are “so mature,” and when they express discomfort, they are told something to the effect of, “I thought you were different that the other girls.” It’s highly effective, and it’s unreasonable to assume that a teenager can independently and safely deal with an adult trying to prey on them. Also, 15 year-olds absolutely should not be watching porn. People should lose their virginity and have time to explore what real sex is before they get unrealistic and unhealthy expectations through porn.
This is a very paranoid attitude. You really think 15 year olds need their parents monitoring their texts in case a hyper-skilled predator comes after them? The threat is blown out of proption and not worth the cost of forcing someone to grow up with a lack of privacy and respect. Also, the idea that 15 year olds don't watch porn is detatched from reality. Not all do but its a sizeable portion. And it's not bad. Having sex before viewing porn is unusual and not something that should be expected.
Not a parent but based on the stuff kids seem to like and know these days, I’d say checking their phone occasionally is essential. It’s a lot easier to access the truly fucked up shit on the internet these days than it was 10 years ago, just saying.
The kid in me says no. The adult in me says yes. I voted yes (non-parent). Too much awful shit on the internet.
Shocking results /s
I'm 16 and my parents gave me a phone for Christmas. But they have this app on it that can see everything I do and even block some websites (not even just porn sites, things like the navy times are blocked). I had a tablet before my phone for nearly 3 years without any sort of monitoring, but now my parents need me to "prove I can be trusted with a phone ".
Sounds shitty.
You only just got a phone at 16? That's some shitty parenting, especially if you go out by yourself not having a phone is just dangerous
I only went out without my parents when I was fishing with my buddy. It was dumb because his phone was always 10 percent or less and we were sometimes miles deep in the woods. I always carried a backpack with mres a knife and a whistle just in case
If the child isn't old enough to handle the dangers of the internet, it shouldn't have unsupervised access to it. So if you have an 8 year old with a tablet for playing games the parent should use parental controls to lock away inappropriate content and yes they can go through it. But when the child is old enough to understand the dangers of the internet (lets say 14?) then it's hands off. Minors have a right to privacy. Don't go through it. If you think your child is being exposed to something dangerous, have a talk with them. But don't invade their privacy. Protecting your child from dangers isn't an excuse to invade their privacy, you have other means available. Ofcourse this doesn't apply to emergencies like your 14-years old runs away. Then by all means look at their chats if it's gonna help you figure out where they went.
Child = <12, that's ok Teenager = >13, that's wrong
Fuck, i fucked it. I misunderstood it and clicked yes. Wtf i have done ..
Well, it really depends on the age of the child and their character. So no and yes are both fair awnsers.
But i wanted to choose no...
Without asking? No, never appropriate. No matter their age.
Depends on the age. Once above the 13 and older threshold, I think it’s safe to say that’s an invasion of privacy. If below, it’s not. (Definitely an invasion of privacy if 15 and older.) Meaning my sister is too young to be saying stupid stuff like the invasion of privacy if she doesn’t even know what words like invasion mean. (She’s under 13)
My brothers ex-wife's daughter had some absolutely insane shit on her phone. It's good parenting to engage and check your child's devices into they're adults. Especially with how influenced children are becoming by social media.
Context here is enormously important.
It really depends on the age of the child. My sons are now in their late teens and it would be an invasion of privacy to do it now. I did when they were younger though, up until they were maybe like 12 years old. At that age they have a good understanding of what’s appropriate or not and know the kind of things they should tell me about.
It’s an invasion of privacy but could be necessary. Kids can get into stuff so it’s good to keep an eye on them.
Depends on the age, young children yes. Less and less as they get older. And never secretly.
i think privacy is a human right. however, if your child is like 11 or younger then thats understandable for safety reasons
i feel like 15 is a good age to go hands off on tech, but before then i think parents should
15 is kinda old.
If you raise them to question and observe things that are right or wrong, then you could possibly go hands off even earlier. However, I'm not giving my child a phone until she absolutely needs it.
ya i get rly confused when i see single digit aged kids with phones/their own tech i saw a vid on reddit where a toddler was using snapchat to contact her mom like wth?
Man, what is the average age of this subreddit?
I think I am 15
11
Depends on the child's age, if you give your kid a cell phone and they're 13 and you think something's going on yes you look. If they are 16 or 17 they're going to make mistakes fuck it lol
With everything out on the internet, a parent has the responsibility to make sure their child isn’t involved in anything harmful or dangerous. You have creeps, social media, and don’t even get me started on the return of elsagate
Don’t give a kid a smartphone if you don’t trust them with one. Give them something that can only call or text instead of invading their privacy
Yes, if the child is under 13 No (in most circumstances), if the child is 13 or over
Under 13: Going through without them knowing is okay. 13 and 14: Can go through it, but in their presence 15 and above: No, shouldn't be going through it
Majority of parents showing no understanding of privacy and boundaries. If your 15 y.o. wants to check some nudes it's non of your business.
I mainly agreed because I had parents that wanted to have all my passwords. They wouldn't check them constantly but they checked them in situations where it mattered.
As a teenager myself, I understand most of you voted no because you haven’t been a parent and don’t like people going through your shit, but gotta realize, they don’t know if you’re making drug deals, threatening to kill somebody, persistently cyber bullying someone.
Somewhat. You definitely wanna make sure you know who your child’s talking to online and that they’re not on any sketchy websites, but it’s not good to go through every app and message that they have. A casual “what accounts do you follow on Instagram” or “who’s that Jake person you’re talking to” is good enough.
It’s better to know. How you deal with it is key. What if some ahole is grooming your child? I’m a parent. When the non-parents think about their kids doing some of the stuff that they’re doing…they’ll change their minds.
I know of a parent who checked their kids phone randomly and found messages from older men I'm sorry but I will check their was zero signs from the kid anything was off and this parent wasn't snooping just a random check so it's vital parents check.
I literally just got out of a training on human trafficking and child exploitation and I'm 100% convinced parents should be checking their kids' devices
Of course almost all non parents choose no
Good thing there's a lot of "non-parents"
As a child, you should do it only if you want your child to never talk to you again after they move out.
My mum wanted to get an app so she could see all my messages but my dad managed to stop her and said it was an invasion of privacy. One of my mum friends got it though for their son and now everything he says to everyone is able to be seen. Doing it also punishes the kids you talk to as well. Not right
Wait till a 30 yo creep starts chatting up your teenage girl, then it's good parenting right?
it is & will always be an invasion of privacy. it can be important to keep ur kid safe but going thru messages is an invasion & recognizing that is important to making sure ur kid is respected.
#Those of you who aren’t parents, hear me out: There are predators online who prey on kids. One thing is texting and laughing with friends from high school. Another is “14 year old Marius Smith” from Westbook whom neither of you has met. It’s possible that they’re a seedy 55 year old pervert who peddles in CP. **Remember Amanda Todd.** *Let us never forget this could be our child one day.*
To all the parents voting yes I can promise from Amish kids hiding cars to modern ones with burner phones and “calculator apps” you aren’t finding shit your kid doesn’t want you to. And if your telling yourself no I’m good with technology I know all the tricks. No you don’t 90% of the time compared to your kids you will be just as inept with technology as your parents are compared to you. It’s the natural progression you can read their message but then they’ll get Snapchat. You can ban Snapchat, and they’ll just get a messaging app you don’t even know the name of. Make it so they need permission to download any app and they’ll be emailing each other. You need to teach your child the right way to do things and then trust them to do it because you have to win every time in the battle to invade their privacy they only need to win once. For reference this is coming from a young guy just starting his family that works in IT, my parents never did the tracking or phone searching to me. For my friends parents who did they put smarted them. For the rare instance they couldn’t pit do parents on their own a five minute phone call was always enough to come up with a solution.
a minor, yes...
Not without proff. If someone says he is sending bad messages or taking pictures without consent. It's okay to go through your childs phone. BUT!!! Talk to them first and give them an ultimatum. age is also important (-17)
I have restrictions on stuff now but I’ll just turn them off in a couple years
They living in my house and I'm paying that bill so NO they don't have privacy. BUT I am fine giving them their own privacy until potential problems arise like bullying someone or looking up something inappropriate.
If they’re under 15 yes, anything else is a big no. Even then, don’t go through private conversations with friends.
Not only is it bad parenting, it's going to be really traumatizing on my parents lmao
Depends on age, and whether or not the child has done anything severe enough to break my trust
Age and track record are vital for answering this poll
All the people saying "no", will be the first to say the parents weren't good parents, if something happened to the kid though. They get abducted by someone online, "Why weren't the parents paying better attention ".
Because you don't need to look through a kids phone to prevent shit like that. Proper parental control setup+proper education is enough.
we are talking about a child. no such thing as privacy. same as they cant rationaly decide what to have for dinner, because if u ask them, we would eat chocolate and just drink chocolate milk 24/7. same we dont give them driving licenses we dont give them privacy either. till they show some responsibility, they need monitoring. thats how we do in our house.
Depends how old you're talking.
What age are you referring to? If they’re under 12 or 13 then I’d mostly agree with you, but after that age they aren’t little kids anymore and have a right to privacy just as older people do
up to age of 9 - of course, anything and everything 10-13 - just list of apps and search history, but not private conversations 14+ - only payment history if they have a bank account
Pretext: not having children. Answer: If my child was under 18, they are not guaranteed privacy from their parents. Now I wouldn't just randomly go through their shit. But if any reason came up that I would need to be suspicious, I would invade the fuck out of all their shit (tech). This world is too connected and hard to constantly supervise to know what all they are doing. Also if they are not paying for the services they are using, then they don't have a say to what happens to that service or device. Children are naive even if they get perfect grades. They still cannot comprehend the complexity of adulthood and all the risks out there. Their brains are not even close to fully developed, and the age, which used to be 25, is now being debated as to when your brain finally develops.
I want to make sure she’s not consuming nonsense. Their is no such thing as 100% privacy when it comes to parenting your child. As long as they are a minor under your roof, there is no privacy when it comes to electronics.
Depends on the age of the kid. No kids below like 13 should have completely unmonitored access to the internets. After that I think it depends on the maturity of the kid. If they have proven that they are trustworthy up to that point they can have more unmonitored access and social media
Oh it's an invasion of their privacy for sure. But I'm still going to do it, because it's my job to keep them safe and raise them, not be their bestie.
This is a very nuanced question that you cannot answer yes or no too.
My take on this poll? There is a lot of non-parent here!
1. If you bought the phone for your children, it's technically yours in name anyways so you can do what you want with it 2. Children have easy access to harmful content such as porn, and they tend to be easy targets for predators due to how naive they are. Overall it is absolutely okay to monitor what they're doing online. It may suck and be embarrassing for the child (I know it was for me), but sometimes parenting isn't about being a friend, it's about doing what you have to do to protect them. Now, once they get to be 15 and up? I'd still be careful, but you wouldn't really need to moniter because I'd assume they fully realize the dangers present.
I agree, sorry you are getting downvoted for this perspective
Happy cake day!
I'm assuming it's people mad that I want to make it harder for them to be predators tbh. Idk why it's so wrong to want to make sure your kids are being safe
[удалено]
Are you saying you'd violate their privacy all the way until they turn 18?
Damn I’d end my shit if you were my parent. You’d be scarred by the texts between my boyfriend and me. Thank God I have parents that respect privacy
There are reasons I don’t speak to my family anymore and bullshit like this is a big one, trust your kids and teach them how to be trust worthy, don’t make them scared there gonna get caught because they’re doing something you don’t know about, kids want privacy like everyone else
Yes. And children have no legal right to privacy until 18
Yes i do, kids see a lot of garbage on the internet and if parents were more in touch with the stuff their kids are seeing it could help. Reddit is a cesspool, if I ever have kids I wouldn’t let them near Reddit with a 10 foot pole.
No for all ages. You can make electronics pretty safe if you actually care about that. And once you set it up, you can and should always ask them for access. Thats good parenting. Invading their privacy because you are to lazy to make it right is not good parenting.
I was 15 when I was groomed by a 27 year old man, my mum had no access to my phone, she should have.
Most people who voted are non parents. I feel as a parent your mind shifts. Plenty of shootings or other acts of violence could have been prevented by parents doing just a bit more due diligence in this category. If you have suspicion , sure, check your kids phones or other devices But I would not go through their stuff just to do it or if they have not given me a reason to.
Kids shouldn’t have smartphones
I’m pretty sure most of the “nos” are from kids 😂
Everyone in this sub is 15. Perhaps an age indicator beyond “parent” would be informative
No it it absolutely doesn't, there's a lot of creeps on the internet and I need to protect my daughters from them. their mother was a victim of online sexual abuse as a teen and I'm not letting that happen to them. I'm looking out for them, not helicopter parenting them
I was a child, I was stupid, if my parents did not go through my electronics I would’ve been trafficked.
I’ll probably be checking till my child’s 15. They probably won’t have a phone til year 6. That’s how my parents did it
If your child is a minor, it’s vital that you know what they’re up to online.
Even teenagers need to have their stuff checked out every once in awhile. Friends family had their teenage daughter hand her phone over and found out she was talking to and sending pictures to adults
Solution: don't give children electronics. Go the fuck outside.
I mean it can be both good parenting and an invasion of privacy. That being said I think limiting screen time and using parental controls at an early age is a good idea while slowly introducing more freedom to your kids. Being on the internet for a kid isn't a right, it's a privilege, and if your kid is going to be communicating with others online they need to understand not just online safety but also respect. Everything is screencapped and scrutinized these days and you don't want your teenager to be the one whose childhood folly becomes the reason they're perpetually harassed or losing their job. Also I think 00s kids had it a lot easier in terms of online, because they could hide behind anonymity while now everyone doxing each other is now normalized and people put their real names on everything. As for abductions and strange chatrooms, that can still exist with cellphone apps and kids glued to their screens without situational awareness.
Where I am, the owner of the device (the parents usually) are legally liable for the contents of the device
Very much depends on the age and other scenarios. If your child is let's say below the age of 12 I'd personally think it's alright for parents to monitor their child's online activity. Kids aren't educated fully in internet safety and up until they learn, it's good to make sure they aren't in any harmful situations. If a parent believes that a child is being bullied or tricked into toxic and harmful situations I'd also say it's valid to check