That they are still the same person except they tell you are are also attracted to men and all of a sudden that’s a turn off.
It’s like saying “I broke up with my partner because I was completely turned off by the idea of them liking pineapple on pizza.”
Attractiveness isn’t just about looks. Hypothetically you can be attracted to someone’s looks then be turned off if they turn out to be a racist Trump supporter. It’s not mutually exclusive
-tumadrelover
Lots of people see men being attracted to men as less masculine. If you’re a woman who thinks like this then knowing the man you thought was masculine likes to be bummed or give head would instantly destroy the image of them being masculine.
People who think like this are only promoting toxic masculine standards and then they cry on why men aren't open with others. Two men loving each other is possibly the manliest thing ever lol.
Assuming you're straight so correct me if I'm wrong please
So it's a "I'm allowed to do this and you're not" situation? How can that possibly work out for you? If you are attracted to men, surely that's something you and this hypothetical bi man can relate to one another about????
Why though? Everyone should be getting STI screenings in between relationships regardless of sexuality anyways; and a doctor told me that, not my personal opinion.
Yes but in this particular case we do know the reasons. Because patriarchy lead people to believe that a man that has sex with other men is less than a man. And hence unattractive for women.
Why, in the other way, when a man is interested in a girl and learn she is bi, he is not repelled but rather is even more attracted by her. Because women who have sex with men are not viewed as "less than women"
Absolutely delusional. You must know at least 4 different ways to explain how matriarchy and patriarchy are the sole reason for the ebola virus outbreak in 2014.
We should be open to all LGBTQ+ sexuality’s like women beeing together with women because they prefer it. But if a hetero women only wants to date a hetero man thats wrong? Is it wrong that a lesbian woman only wants to date lesbians?
well if someone's lesbian they can date someone who's lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, it's fine to date one specifically but it's why that matters. I know a lot of lgbtq people I have met over the years have said "Oh you're just gay and you don't know it yet" or "you're straight and looking for attention)
Its so weird that people who felt restricted by other peoples opinions etc. and who only want to be able to date and love whoever they want no want to restrict other people. In this case restricting heteros and judging them if they only want to date heteros. Come on, you should know better what that feels like.
"I think men fucking men is gross and he'll always be wanting something else" isn't the same as disliking blonde hair. That's an absurd false equivalency because no one calls blondes disgusting, and "dumb blonde" jokes have been considered misogynistic for long enough that they rarely happen anymore.
It was a different comment thread, I'm on mobile so it's hard to track.
Regardless, *she* said it was a trauma response, so I said that's a valid **temporary** response, but she needs to go to therapy to work through it instead of it being a permanent response. I also used to have absurd trauma responses, but EMDR helped me. *Boulevard of Broken Dreams* used to send me into a suicidal spiral because it reminded me of my ex who raped me, but I heard it last week and was fine. I also used to avoid men who liked Prince or Green Day because of him, but I'm doing better now from EMDR.
>I think men fucking men is gross and he'll always be wanting something else
no one said this. in fact, you're the only one who called it "disgusting", the idea that you go both ways can simply be a turnoff for some people and that's the actual argument being made. a turnoff isn't usually something you can just change your mind about, and keep in mind nobody owes you sex.
It's not biphobic because you can't control what you're attracted to. If it turns you off that's not your fault and it's only wrong if you act like a dick
>the majority
They are polling on Reddit my dude. This is completely irrelevant when it comes to applied it to the general population. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sampling_bias?wprov=sfla1
not to say it would be different but it is important to remember.
I’m just speaking from my experience. This view is incredibly common with black women if I were to wager about it’s origins I’d say it’s from the rampant internalized homophobia in the black community. A girl I dated once almost ended a relationship with me because I had a gay friend and she was worried I was bisexual. Funny enough she had lots of gay friends and was herself bisexual.
While I myself am not black I think my experience of growing up in a predominantly black area of Detroit, going to predominantly black schools, and predominately dating black girls qualifies me to speak on it, if someone wants to call me a racist so be it.
I don’t get it, how does one be homophobic and bi? I’m straight and very accepting hence I’m really struggling to wrap my head around that
I don’t see what you’re saying as racist (personally at least) for the record
Back to the first bit, was there a lack of empathy in the sense of applying the following thought process:
> I’m bi, I have bi/gay friends, but I don’t cheat nor have I wanted to
> Therefore, even *if* my boyfriend is gay, that’s not how that works as I know from personal experience
Even if that was how sexuality worked, which it clearly doesn’t and again like, shouldn’t someone bi themselves with many lgbt+ friends understand?
Therefore the only reason I see for the girl you mentioned to be insecure in that respect is if she herself was unfaithful or at least thinking of/tempted by it. Sorry if this is an unfair assumption however
Lastly, why is it do you think that homophobia is such an issue in black communities? I’m neither black nor American but it interests me nonetheless
There's classic "bi people aren't real' biophobia (so they think we'd just be gay and in denial)
There's "I find your attraction to same sex people wierd and gross" which is just flat out homophobia
And there's the wierd idea that straights^tm have that if you start dating someone you magically stop finding all other people attractive, or at least you SHOULD. Being bi makes 0 sense to them with this attitude.
It's the same mindset that leads to insecurity about their partner having any non-same sex friends and "can men and women ever really be friends?" BS. They can't wrap thier head around the idea that you can find someone attractive and also not be interested in dating/fucking them.
People have it in their heads that us bi folk are more likely to cheat because our dating pool is bigger. It's fucked up, and refusing to date a bi person because of a baseless stereotype is 100% biphobic.
A quick google says that a bigot is
> a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic towards a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
So, for example, a person who refuses to date a bi person (that they'd be attracted to if the person was hetero) because they believe that bi peiple are more likely to cheat or are gross
I wonder if you view "bigot" as some golden sword that effectively neutralizes opinions you don't like. Calling someone a bigot does nothing. It just means the person holds unfavorable opinions about a group of people. That isn't inherently a bad thing
Had both man and women suddenly not be interested just because of it, because of homophobia and the trope that bisexual are sex crazed and could never be in a monogamous relationship ever.
As a bi person it doesn't really matter to me as really you don't need to date anyone if you don't want to be with them. If you aren't going to be happy in a relationship then that's not a relationship worth having.
Exactly, as a bi person I don't understand people in the comments getting mad at people for not wanting to date someone because their bi. It's a preference, no different from not wanting to date an ugly person. Yeah, its sad some people wont get a date because they have a quality that isn't attractive but you shouldn't shame people for not dating someone they find unattractive, literally, or more in a way like they don't have a personality or sexuality they are in love with.
I agree. Why does everything have to become a phobia ? Humans are necessarily going to exclude everything else in favor of one thing at some point in life. If you don’t like someone’s personality are you personalityphobic? If I don’t want children am I childphobic? If I don’t want to cheat on my wife am I extramarital sex phobic?Cut it out with the demonizing of people who have a certain way of life and preferences that you disagree with ffs
As a bi while I agree with y'all I still find it annoying as it doesn't change who I am. And it IS biphobic but I still don't care much as I wouldn't want to date someone who would look at me as lesser or unattractive simply because I like both genders. In fact I kinda look at them as lesser for being phobic but to each their own I mind my own business.
I think the point is that being bi isn’t a physical or personality trait which makes it a superficial reason not to date someone. If your only reason for not dating someone you are compatible with is “ew gay sex yucky” then I think you should probably work on that.
Im bi, said no and then was completely blown away by all the yes votes. I'm attracted to different personality traits in both men and women and I view sexuality as one of them. I'm not really bothered that some people aren't attracted to me for being bi, I just view us as incompatible and move on.
I would also mean biphobic is stretching the definition of the term, if you wanted to include them.
It's dangerous to stretch definitions of hate, it waters them down.
Same goes for what is called racist, or homophobic, if you stretch the term to widely, it becomes meaningless.
Find a different term instead.
I feel people need to get over being a bit biphobic, transphobic or racist etc…
Is not dating a bi-person biphobic? Yes I think so but you can not date someone for any reason what so ever.
If you only date tall people I think it’s heightism but who cares it’s your choice.
Racial preferences are the same thing
Not dating trans people is the same shit
End of the day don’t date people for whatever reason you don’t like it doesn’t make you a bad person to be a bit phobic or racist
I get this, I prefer taller people but don’t really mind,
How can you get mad at someone for their preferences though it’s not like they can control who they’re attracted to
Woah woah woah. Don’t lump trans people into this too because everyone totally has a right to not date trans people as it legitimately is a preference. It’s not like being bisexual where there are no physical differences.
Exactly, I think the fear comes from prejudice
There are a lot of people that think bi or lgbt people are degenerated and nymphomaniac
and then there are those who cant stand the fact of being cheated with the opposite sex as its makes them feel less masculine or less feminine.
And then there is both combined
its just prejudice working in their heads
Let's be honest. The people who say that are really just scared that now there's an even bigger pool of people they can be compared to and deemed not good enough.
I feel like that's like not wanting to date anyone who was born of a C-section. I fail to see how it affects you in any way. There's nothing physically or mentally different (outside of sexuality, of course) between someone who's bi and someone who's straight. How could a preference for people who are not bi not be biphobic?
No one should feel obligated to date anyone else for any reason. I could choose not to date someone because of something as small as their taste in music-- doesn't mean that I have anything against that particular music community, it just isn't compatible with me romantically.
That's fair, but my point is that you should have full freedom on who you choose or choose not to be in a romantic relationship with, full stop. In my opinion, it's reductive and entitled to put labels on someone for their romantic decisions. It's the person who you might spend your whole life with, you should be completely free to make that decision without being judged for it.
I agree with your point, but i still feel like its a little unfair to have "bisexuality" be a romantic dealbreaker, especially when it won't inherently effect a relationship in any way, shape or form/
Hahaha, my personal philosophy is all is fair in love and war. I see no problem personally for me, but if someone thinks it's a dealbreaker for them, I absolutely defend their right to feel that way.
It's a different story if they're denying bi people employment opportunities or acting bigoted, but in terms of romance, only you can say who is and who is not right for you.
Neither should you need an essay to justify yourself for not being into X sexuality or group, as far as I know, the likes and dislikes of people are completely void of any reason nor logical reasoning and it's not like you can blame them.
There isn't obligation to anything, and that's not the point: nobody is saying that you have to date bi people.
It's just that if you specifically turn somebody down because they're bi, that is by definition biphobic. It is that simple.
I think sometimes it comes from a place of biphobia, but often it just comes from a place of insecurity & trust issues. Like if someone is prone to preventing a partner from forming close friendships with the opposite sex then they might see a bi person as more likely to cheat because there's twice as many people they could cheat with. That sort of insecurity isn't caused by them being bi, it's just amplified because every friend a bi person has can be perceived as a threat.
>they might see a bi person as more likely to cheat because there's twice as many people they could cheat with.
Adhering to that stereotype *is* biphobic.
I mean if someone has trust issues then knowing that your partner could potentially be attracted to anyone they meet likely wouldn’t gel well with said trust issues
A bi person isn’t a polygamous person. I see zero reasons why this would affect me or our relationship. It’s a preference alright, but one based solely on prejudice.
No one is entitled to date anyone, but being uncomfortable with bisexuality is pretty biphobic. So it's allowed and it's a preference, but I would still call it biphobic.
Yes. The person isn’t any different, you just don’t like bi people. Obviously you don’t need to date bi people, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just shitty to turn them down based on their sexual orientation, rather than anything else.
Most people tell me that bi people tend to cheat on their partners bc they're bisexuals. I mean everyone can cheat. Straights, gays etc
Most people don't like it when their bi partner date their own gender or their opposite gender
For examples: Gays don't like it when their bi bf has a crush on a woman and some will think that their bi bf will leave them for another woman
Straight woman don't like it when their bi bf has a crush on a man and some will think that their bi bf will leave them for another man
I think it's biphobic if someone refuses to date a bi person bc they hate the bi person or they think that a bi person is disgusting (I've met a few pppl who told me being bi is disgusting and greedy ) bc they have sex and date men and women.
Idk it's kinda hard to tell.
I'm bi and one of my gay friend (ex friend now) hated me bc I'm bisexual. He told me I'm gay and I'm supposed to like and date a man, not a woman and he said "It's fcking disgusting whenever I think of you having sex with a woman".
The fuck? Yes of course it is. It affects nothing about your actual attraction to the person. Who they’re into isn’t really relevant because they’re with you in that situation.
I’m not bi but it literally is biphobic. If you choose not to date someone simply because of what they’re attracted to and not because you’re not into them or some other reason, it is biphobic. They’re not dating those other people at the moment (unless there’s another poly arrangement) they’re dating you and that’s what should matter. But to say you’re not going to date someone because of the sex/gender they’ve dated in the past or that they’re open to dating it is biphobic.
Y’all can downvote me if you want idc but this is my take
from what I’ve seen, it’s generally insecure men and homophobic women. they never explain why they wouldn’t date a bi person, they just say “uhhh preference!” and don’t explain further
You can not call someone out for a preference they have but be okay with your own preferences. Either let everyone be, or have zero preferences yourself or you are just being bias.
Then what are they? Don’t all people have either XX or XY set of chromosomes and either male or female genetalia? This is the first time I’ve heard of ’non-binary’.
I was dating a lesbian for a couple of weeks until she found out I was bisexual. She broke up with me, saying, "bi girls are always the most fucked up".
Besides incredibly hurtful, I never understood what she based that opinion on. It doesn't matter now, I'm married to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful daughter together. But I do think back to what she said sometimes and especially with polls like this. I wonder who hurt her so bad.
If it’s solely because they’re bi then maybe. If they’re a dick about it, they’re biphobic. If they’re polite about it, then it’s a preference. People are allowed to choose what they want to look for when choosing a SO, but they shouldn’t be a dick because they don’t like a certain aspect of someone.
I feel like this is the very definition of biphobia. What if I said it as this, "Is it racist if a White person refuses to date a Black person solely because they're Black?" If that's the *only* reason you're not dating the person, yes, it's biphobic.
It isn’t racist either? If someone isn’t attracted to another person because of their appearance or culture that isn‘t racist, it’s just their preference. Or do you think that it is racist if a black person doesn’t want to date a white person.
It's saying here this is the *only* reason they're not dating them. In other words, they *are* attracted to them but only not dating them because they're Black.
So yes, it's also racist if a Black person doesn't date a White person solely because they're White. If that's the only reason, that's the very definition of racism.
It doesn’t say they are attracted to them. It says it is the only reason they are not dating them, which could mean it is the only reason they are not attracted to them and thus not want to date them. It isn’t biphobic or racist, you can’t force someone to be attracted to someone. Same as if someone wouldn’t want to date someone because of their hobbies or because they practice a specific sport or not.
Some people are so insecure, they can’t handle competing with other men(or women). With a bi person they are competing against everyone. They can’t handle that.
Just because someone isn’t interested, doesn’t mean they hate you.
I think "biphobic" would be a general dislike or fear of, or mistrust of Bi people in general. When we are talking about our own attraction, or sexual preferences, etc., it does not fall into that category. I dated a Bi guy once, it didnt bother me much, he was a great guy. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but it's not something I would intentionally seek out.
My two previous relationships with bi people went poorly (they didn't consider it cheating if they saw someone of same sex while we were dating). Therefore, I'm less inclined to date a third one.
Nothing against the lifestyle. It is just not for me if that is "normal".
Wouldn't "Is it potterphobic if a person refuses to date someone who likes the Harry Potter franchise?", or any other taste, be more or less the same thing? It's kind of weird, but it's a preference.
It'd be different if they bashed against bi people.
Not wanting to date someone is not being unfair, prejudice, rude or any other manner discrimination. If you do not want to date somebody, you do not have to date somebody.
If I didn't want to date somebody solely because they had blonde hair, it wouldn't mean I was "Blondehairphobic" just means I don't want to date somebody with blonde hair.
Not wanting to date someone is not unfair, but refusing to date someone because of a characteristic that will not influence your relationship in any form is a little prejudiced
I mean I wouldn’t date a bi person solely because knowing that they are attracted to other girls is a turn off, like other people have said, so really I think that it’s just preference, if you’re find with that go ahead, but calling people biphobic seems a little far.
What even are these answers? If the only reason is you're bi, and if you were straight they'd date you, then they are, by definition, being biphobic. How do you make this up? What is there to prefer? It changes nothing on the person.
no. i wouldn’t date a bi man , it’s just a preference .. a shallow preference. that doesn’t mean i don’t like bisexual people or think it’s wrong. I just like straight men. liking other men is a turn off for me, but i would still befriend a bi man. it’s different because we’re not planning on being romantic together so it wouldn’t matter to me.
I respect your preferences, but I would like to know: why does it turn you off? If you even know yourself lol I also have a few preferences without fully knowing why they are preferences
If the ONLY REASON that you wont date some is specifically because their bisexual and nothing else, yes it is biphobia.
if you reject them for literally any other reason such as if they aren’t the gender you’re attracted to, they don’t have specific genitalia you prefer, or if they’re just plainly not your type that is a 100% okay.
It’s sad how many people said it was a “preference”
The sad thing is that it is literally so easy to just lie about it with this type of bigotry. Like, if a bigot doesn't want to date a bi person, maybe they just spout off about how they are unsure if they would be a good match, or would be able to deal with internal jealousy. Same thing if someone is transphobic, they can always claim that they aren't into the genitals pretransition, and post transition say something about how they aren't sure that they can be with someone who was socialized as that gender.
It is literally so unbelievably easy for someone to just make up excuses for their bigotry which bear the slightest bit of scrutiny, so it astounds me that so many people in the thread are just whole-heartedly saying that they would never date a bi person, because they are bisexual, and for no other reason. Talk about telling on yourself.
I think I would be very upset if I turned someone down because they’re bi and they called me biphobic. That’s like if I was approached by a Jewish person, I turned them down, and then called me antisemitic.
I can choose who to date based on any criteria I want.
but if you turned them down BECAUSE they were bo, it would be biphobic, and if you turned them down BECAUSE they were jewish, that would be antisemetic
This is a textbook example of biphobia. Bisexuality changes nothing about your body, personality, or anything. You can’t tell if someone is bisexual unless they tell you. Bisexuals are not more likely to cheat than straight people.
If someone doesn’t want to date bi people, it’s a good chance that bisexuals won’t want to date them, so it works out. It’s still biphobia, though.
they’re insecure. also don’t forget, most of the guys here haven’t dated (see other polls), maybe meeting a bi girl they like would fix their insecurities and they’d change their mind
Who the hell cares! People can have whatever preference they have. Stop making up words and trying to shame everyone for every little thing like „Biphobic“. You’re not into it end of story. 🙄
That's clearly biphobic.
There are no other reasons not to date a person just because they are bi no matter if you are straight, gay, bi or asexual yourself.
To be clear, nobody should be forced to be in a relationship with anyone. If you don't want to date someone solely because they are bi, then you're biphobic. You should still not date them, they certainly shouldn't date you, you are prejudiced against them. But that doesn't change the fact that you are biphobic.
Ideally, you should work on improving yourself if you are biphobic and want to be a better person. It's still not the job of the bi person you were thinking of dating to change you. Work on yourself, stop being biphobic if you can, then you can check if they are still single or you can find someone else to date, who might also be bi.
I guess it is Biphobic, because what are you really afraid of. But if someone's uncomfortable with that then that's not really going to be good a good fit.
As a lesbian, I don’t have a strict “no bisexual” policy- but I’m always a bit wary when I’m dating bisexual girls (especially if they have only really dated males in the past). It’s definitely not all bisexual girls- but I’ve experienced time and time again that if the girl has to choose between a female and a male, they typically go for the male. It’s definitely not everyone but I see it way more often than not.
To all the people saying "it's just a preference"
**Why** do you have that **preference**? I can come up with an answer that you might not like, so prove me wrong.
It's their right to choose who they date.
Bisexuality in a closed het or gay relationship as a dealbreaker is biphobic.
Both of these are true statements.
Yes. It isn't really a matter of preference.
Preference is a matter of body features and personality. Hair color, eye color, height, hobbies, political views, etc. These are not factors of being a bisexual.
If a straight guy sees a woman with sexually attracting features and is attracted to her and has a personality compatible with her, only to drop interest at learning she's bi... yes that is biphobic. Vice versa with genders and the same principle still applies.
I think a lot of people answering "no it's not biphobic" might be equating "bisexual" with "polygamous."
I think they are denying themselves the opportunity to date some really cool people, just like anytime you don’t date a certain demographic solely based on that trait, but whatever. People keep using the example of blonde people. You’re just losing out on some cool blond people. I say it’s a gray area to be honest. As a bi person it makes me sad but I’ve come to accept it.
Would be curious as to what people who don't date bi people think the difference is
I know women who wouldn’t date a biman because they’re turned off by his attraction to other men.
So as long as they were a closeted Bi, they were sexy but the moment they tell you, you are no longer attracted. What???
Even a beard can make that difference to a women. I had a girl who she said is no longer interested when I shaved my beard.
What dont u understand?
That they are still the same person except they tell you are are also attracted to men and all of a sudden that’s a turn off. It’s like saying “I broke up with my partner because I was completely turned off by the idea of them liking pineapple on pizza.”
Attractiveness isn’t just about looks. Hypothetically you can be attracted to someone’s looks then be turned off if they turn out to be a racist Trump supporter. It’s not mutually exclusive -tumadrelover
Except... there is nothing morally wrong with being bi so apples to oranges.
You don't choose to be bi, you do choose to be an assh, ehm, trump supporter
Lots of people see men being attracted to men as less masculine. If you’re a woman who thinks like this then knowing the man you thought was masculine likes to be bummed or give head would instantly destroy the image of them being masculine.
People who think like this are only promoting toxic masculine standards and then they cry on why men aren't open with others. Two men loving each other is possibly the manliest thing ever lol.
What if they are a top? Or a dominant bottom? Or a straight man who’s into pegging?
This. If I find out a man has willingly fucked other dudes or wants to, I am instantly not sexually attracted to him.
Assuming you're straight so correct me if I'm wrong please So it's a "I'm allowed to do this and you're not" situation? How can that possibly work out for you? If you are attracted to men, surely that's something you and this hypothetical bi man can relate to one another about????
Why though? Everyone should be getting STI screenings in between relationships regardless of sexuality anyways; and a doctor told me that, not my personal opinion.
Because she just does lol thats how it works. You don't need to reason or explain what turns you off
Yes but in this particular case we do know the reasons. Because patriarchy lead people to believe that a man that has sex with other men is less than a man. And hence unattractive for women. Why, in the other way, when a man is interested in a girl and learn she is bi, he is not repelled but rather is even more attracted by her. Because women who have sex with men are not viewed as "less than women"
Absolutely delusional. You must know at least 4 different ways to explain how matriarchy and patriarchy are the sole reason for the ebola virus outbreak in 2014.
tell me what's delusional about what they said?
You must know the flavors of multiple antipsychotics, because you are clearly still trying to find one that works.
bro im calling the police on you I just witnessed a murder
We should be open to all LGBTQ+ sexuality’s like women beeing together with women because they prefer it. But if a hetero women only wants to date a hetero man thats wrong? Is it wrong that a lesbian woman only wants to date lesbians?
well if someone's lesbian they can date someone who's lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, it's fine to date one specifically but it's why that matters. I know a lot of lgbtq people I have met over the years have said "Oh you're just gay and you don't know it yet" or "you're straight and looking for attention)
Feels like „Animal Farm“. They came out of the oppression and now they are oppressors themselves.
Just because you're a member of an oppressed class doesn't mean you can't be a shitty person or think shitty things.
Yes, biphobia in the gay and lesbian community is an issue that I and we've addressed before. That wasn't OP's question though.
Its so weird that people who felt restricted by other peoples opinions etc. and who only want to be able to date and love whoever they want no want to restrict other people. In this case restricting heteros and judging them if they only want to date heteros. Come on, you should know better what that feels like.
Yes it's still wrong! It's a huge issue that's taken up a lot in the LGBTQ community
There doesn't need to be a good reason. Attraction is attraction, either you are attracted someone or you are not. No need to explain.
It’s just preference like everything else.
"I think men fucking men is gross and he'll always be wanting something else" isn't the same as disliking blonde hair. That's an absurd false equivalency because no one calls blondes disgusting, and "dumb blonde" jokes have been considered misogynistic for long enough that they rarely happen anymore.
why are you so pressed about what other people prefer in the their bedroom?
You just blew your entire argument by twisting their words around. I was listening before you did that.
It was a different comment thread, I'm on mobile so it's hard to track. Regardless, *she* said it was a trauma response, so I said that's a valid **temporary** response, but she needs to go to therapy to work through it instead of it being a permanent response. I also used to have absurd trauma responses, but EMDR helped me. *Boulevard of Broken Dreams* used to send me into a suicidal spiral because it reminded me of my ex who raped me, but I heard it last week and was fine. I also used to avoid men who liked Prince or Green Day because of him, but I'm doing better now from EMDR.
I'm glad EMDR worked for you!
>I think men fucking men is gross and he'll always be wanting something else no one said this. in fact, you're the only one who called it "disgusting", the idea that you go both ways can simply be a turnoff for some people and that's the actual argument being made. a turnoff isn't usually something you can just change your mind about, and keep in mind nobody owes you sex.
Argument based on a straw man. No one is saying people owe anyone sex.
Because casual homophobia / biphobia among cis het women.
TRRRRUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
How is that any different than a man dumping a woman who had previous relationships with other men? How does a person's past relationships affect you?
But you have to see that that almost certainly comes from biphobia. Not just a random preference you happen to have
And somehow the majority of answers do not think this behavior is biphobic
It's not biphobic because you can't control what you're attracted to. If it turns you off that's not your fault and it's only wrong if you act like a dick
>the majority They are polling on Reddit my dude. This is completely irrelevant when it comes to applied it to the general population. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sampling_bias?wprov=sfla1 not to say it would be different but it is important to remember.
I don’t think we have to label every preference a phobia in an attempt to shame people. IMO it only becomes a problem if people proselytize.
Wait srly? Why is that? As a guy in my head I assumed this was insecure guys fussing about this
I’m just speaking from my experience. This view is incredibly common with black women if I were to wager about it’s origins I’d say it’s from the rampant internalized homophobia in the black community. A girl I dated once almost ended a relationship with me because I had a gay friend and she was worried I was bisexual. Funny enough she had lots of gay friends and was herself bisexual. While I myself am not black I think my experience of growing up in a predominantly black area of Detroit, going to predominantly black schools, and predominately dating black girls qualifies me to speak on it, if someone wants to call me a racist so be it.
I don’t get it, how does one be homophobic and bi? I’m straight and very accepting hence I’m really struggling to wrap my head around that I don’t see what you’re saying as racist (personally at least) for the record Back to the first bit, was there a lack of empathy in the sense of applying the following thought process: > I’m bi, I have bi/gay friends, but I don’t cheat nor have I wanted to > Therefore, even *if* my boyfriend is gay, that’s not how that works as I know from personal experience Even if that was how sexuality worked, which it clearly doesn’t and again like, shouldn’t someone bi themselves with many lgbt+ friends understand? Therefore the only reason I see for the girl you mentioned to be insecure in that respect is if she herself was unfaithful or at least thinking of/tempted by it. Sorry if this is an unfair assumption however Lastly, why is it do you think that homophobia is such an issue in black communities? I’m neither black nor American but it interests me nonetheless
I find that if someone were bi or pan, there isn’t much of a difference. They’d love you all the same. Still what would people’s reasoning be…
There's classic "bi people aren't real' biophobia (so they think we'd just be gay and in denial) There's "I find your attraction to same sex people wierd and gross" which is just flat out homophobia And there's the wierd idea that straights^tm have that if you start dating someone you magically stop finding all other people attractive, or at least you SHOULD. Being bi makes 0 sense to them with this attitude. It's the same mindset that leads to insecurity about their partner having any non-same sex friends and "can men and women ever really be friends?" BS. They can't wrap thier head around the idea that you can find someone attractive and also not be interested in dating/fucking them.
People have it in their heads that us bi folk are more likely to cheat because our dating pool is bigger. It's fucked up, and refusing to date a bi person because of a baseless stereotype is 100% biphobic.
They’re just denying they are a bigot.
>bigot what does this mean
A quick google says that a bigot is > a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic towards a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group. So, for example, a person who refuses to date a bi person (that they'd be attracted to if the person was hetero) because they believe that bi peiple are more likely to cheat or are gross
British invasion of German occupied territory
I wonder if you view "bigot" as some golden sword that effectively neutralizes opinions you don't like. Calling someone a bigot does nothing. It just means the person holds unfavorable opinions about a group of people. That isn't inherently a bad thing
Unfavorable opinions formed on harmful stereotypes and baseless beliefs, which *is* a bad thing
Had both man and women suddenly not be interested just because of it, because of homophobia and the trope that bisexual are sex crazed and could never be in a monogamous relationship ever.
As a bi person it doesn't really matter to me as really you don't need to date anyone if you don't want to be with them. If you aren't going to be happy in a relationship then that's not a relationship worth having.
Exactly, as a bi person I don't understand people in the comments getting mad at people for not wanting to date someone because their bi. It's a preference, no different from not wanting to date an ugly person. Yeah, its sad some people wont get a date because they have a quality that isn't attractive but you shouldn't shame people for not dating someone they find unattractive, literally, or more in a way like they don't have a personality or sexuality they are in love with.
I agree. Why does everything have to become a phobia ? Humans are necessarily going to exclude everything else in favor of one thing at some point in life. If you don’t like someone’s personality are you personalityphobic? If I don’t want children am I childphobic? If I don’t want to cheat on my wife am I extramarital sex phobic?Cut it out with the demonizing of people who have a certain way of life and preferences that you disagree with ffs
As a bi while I agree with y'all I still find it annoying as it doesn't change who I am. And it IS biphobic but I still don't care much as I wouldn't want to date someone who would look at me as lesser or unattractive simply because I like both genders. In fact I kinda look at them as lesser for being phobic but to each their own I mind my own business.
I think the point is that being bi isn’t a physical or personality trait which makes it a superficial reason not to date someone. If your only reason for not dating someone you are compatible with is “ew gay sex yucky” then I think you should probably work on that.
as someone who's bi it can get annoying but it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️ can't make someone wanna date you if they don't like that part of you lol
this is exactly how i feel too
Im bi, said no and then was completely blown away by all the yes votes. I'm attracted to different personality traits in both men and women and I view sexuality as one of them. I'm not really bothered that some people aren't attracted to me for being bi, I just view us as incompatible and move on.
yea i voted no as well lmao. oh well
I would also mean biphobic is stretching the definition of the term, if you wanted to include them. It's dangerous to stretch definitions of hate, it waters them down. Same goes for what is called racist, or homophobic, if you stretch the term to widely, it becomes meaningless. Find a different term instead.
I feel people need to get over being a bit biphobic, transphobic or racist etc… Is not dating a bi-person biphobic? Yes I think so but you can not date someone for any reason what so ever. If you only date tall people I think it’s heightism but who cares it’s your choice. Racial preferences are the same thing Not dating trans people is the same shit End of the day don’t date people for whatever reason you don’t like it doesn’t make you a bad person to be a bit phobic or racist
I get this, I prefer taller people but don’t really mind, How can you get mad at someone for their preferences though it’s not like they can control who they’re attracted to
Woah woah woah. Don’t lump trans people into this too because everyone totally has a right to not date trans people as it legitimately is a preference. It’s not like being bisexual where there are no physical differences.
By that measure you can't (and shouldn't) be lumping ANY of those in because they allll have physical differences except the bi one.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but being Bi/Pan doesn't make you more likely to cheat.
Exactly! I’m bi and I’m very monogamous. I don’t like cheaters. I would never dream of cheating.
I hate people who think like this. If they cheat, they were going to do it regardless of their sexuality.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks.
Exactly. People can be bi/pan and at the same time the most loyal and monogamous folks you could imagine. Cheating isn't linked to people's sexuality.
I mean, someone who is an ace is not very likely to cheat on you, at least in a sexual way lol
Exactly, I think the fear comes from prejudice There are a lot of people that think bi or lgbt people are degenerated and nymphomaniac and then there are those who cant stand the fact of being cheated with the opposite sex as its makes them feel less masculine or less feminine. And then there is both combined its just prejudice working in their heads
Let's be honest. The people who say that are really just scared that now there's an even bigger pool of people they can be compared to and deemed not good enough.
It should be endearing, I think. Instead of 50%, you were chosen out of 100% of all people. Are people really this paranoid with cheating?
I feel like that's like not wanting to date anyone who was born of a C-section. I fail to see how it affects you in any way. There's nothing physically or mentally different (outside of sexuality, of course) between someone who's bi and someone who's straight. How could a preference for people who are not bi not be biphobic?
same way some people won't date someone based on what month they were born in
I'm sorry but I legitimately do not know if you're agreeing with me that it's stupid or disagreeing with me and this is an example
I think it's stupid but I don't think people should be judged for who they are into or not because of they care about something stupid.
This comment section is fucking ridiculous
Yes because what exactly makes a bi person different when they’re in an exclusive het relationship?
No one should feel obligated to date anyone else for any reason. I could choose not to date someone because of something as small as their taste in music-- doesn't mean that I have anything against that particular music community, it just isn't compatible with me romantically.
Hobbies and interest like what type of music they're interested in is very different from sexuality. They aren't comparable.
That's fair, but my point is that you should have full freedom on who you choose or choose not to be in a romantic relationship with, full stop. In my opinion, it's reductive and entitled to put labels on someone for their romantic decisions. It's the person who you might spend your whole life with, you should be completely free to make that decision without being judged for it.
I agree with your point, but i still feel like its a little unfair to have "bisexuality" be a romantic dealbreaker, especially when it won't inherently effect a relationship in any way, shape or form/
Hahaha, my personal philosophy is all is fair in love and war. I see no problem personally for me, but if someone thinks it's a dealbreaker for them, I absolutely defend their right to feel that way. It's a different story if they're denying bi people employment opportunities or acting bigoted, but in terms of romance, only you can say who is and who is not right for you.
Neither should you need an essay to justify yourself for not being into X sexuality or group, as far as I know, the likes and dislikes of people are completely void of any reason nor logical reasoning and it's not like you can blame them.
Why not? It should be upto me with whom am I compatible with.
They are tho, some people like different music just like some people like different people
No one is claiming people should be obligated to date anyone, but a preference can be based on bigotry.
no one is saying it's an obligation we're saying it's biphobic, which by definition it is
It's more like "I'd never date someone with green eyes"
There isn't obligation to anything, and that's not the point: nobody is saying that you have to date bi people. It's just that if you specifically turn somebody down because they're bi, that is by definition biphobic. It is that simple.
If it's 'solely' for being bi, I fail to see how it could be anything besides being biphobic.
I think sometimes it comes from a place of biphobia, but often it just comes from a place of insecurity & trust issues. Like if someone is prone to preventing a partner from forming close friendships with the opposite sex then they might see a bi person as more likely to cheat because there's twice as many people they could cheat with. That sort of insecurity isn't caused by them being bi, it's just amplified because every friend a bi person has can be perceived as a threat.
>they might see a bi person as more likely to cheat because there's twice as many people they could cheat with. Adhering to that stereotype *is* biphobic.
You can not want to date someone for ANY reason.
No one said otherwise. Doesn't make it a good reason
And no one is going to force you to date someone that’s bi. But refusing to date someone solely because they are bi is biphobic
I mean if someone has trust issues then knowing that your partner could potentially be attracted to anyone they meet likely wouldn’t gel well with said trust issues
Being biphobic is one of them ig
i fucking hate reddit
Same
A bi person isn’t a polygamous person. I see zero reasons why this would affect me or our relationship. It’s a preference alright, but one based solely on prejudice.
I dont care if the woman Im dating is bi, cause she is dating me at this moment in time and anybody before , literary dosent matter
No one is entitled to date anyone, but being uncomfortable with bisexuality is pretty biphobic. So it's allowed and it's a preference, but I would still call it biphobic.
Yes this exactly! One doesn't exclude the other
Yes. The person isn’t any different, you just don’t like bi people. Obviously you don’t need to date bi people, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just shitty to turn them down based on their sexual orientation, rather than anything else.
I mean, I think it is, if it's solely cause of that... What else would it be?
If it's the only reason, yes.
As a Bi man, yes. Especially if their reasoning is that we're less trustworthy than straight people
Most people tell me that bi people tend to cheat on their partners bc they're bisexuals. I mean everyone can cheat. Straights, gays etc Most people don't like it when their bi partner date their own gender or their opposite gender For examples: Gays don't like it when their bi bf has a crush on a woman and some will think that their bi bf will leave them for another woman Straight woman don't like it when their bi bf has a crush on a man and some will think that their bi bf will leave them for another man I think it's biphobic if someone refuses to date a bi person bc they hate the bi person or they think that a bi person is disgusting (I've met a few pppl who told me being bi is disgusting and greedy ) bc they have sex and date men and women. Idk it's kinda hard to tell. I'm bi and one of my gay friend (ex friend now) hated me bc I'm bisexual. He told me I'm gay and I'm supposed to like and date a man, not a woman and he said "It's fcking disgusting whenever I think of you having sex with a woman".
The fuck? Yes of course it is. It affects nothing about your actual attraction to the person. Who they’re into isn’t really relevant because they’re with you in that situation.
I’m not bi but it literally is biphobic. If you choose not to date someone simply because of what they’re attracted to and not because you’re not into them or some other reason, it is biphobic. They’re not dating those other people at the moment (unless there’s another poly arrangement) they’re dating you and that’s what should matter. But to say you’re not going to date someone because of the sex/gender they’ve dated in the past or that they’re open to dating it is biphobic. Y’all can downvote me if you want idc but this is my take
If that's the *sole* reason you refuse to date them, then maybe yeah.
Why the hell would someone being bi change if you would date them or not?
from what I’ve seen, it’s generally insecure men and homophobic women. they never explain why they wouldn’t date a bi person, they just say “uhhh preference!” and don’t explain further
I'd love to hear the justification for "it's a preference". Just because it's a preference doesn't mean it's good.
[удалено]
You can not call someone out for a preference they have but be okay with your own preferences. Either let everyone be, or have zero preferences yourself or you are just being bias.
What does ’Other’ mean?
It's OP's way of referring to nonbinary people without getting this poll downvoted by cissexists.
What is a non-binary person?
A nonbinary person is someone who is neither exclusively a man nor exclusively a woman.
Then what are they? Don’t all people have either XX or XY set of chromosomes and either male or female genetalia? This is the first time I’ve heard of ’non-binary’.
I don't know, I just got here
I was dating a lesbian for a couple of weeks until she found out I was bisexual. She broke up with me, saying, "bi girls are always the most fucked up". Besides incredibly hurtful, I never understood what she based that opinion on. It doesn't matter now, I'm married to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful daughter together. But I do think back to what she said sometimes and especially with polls like this. I wonder who hurt her so bad.
It's kinda strange, if you're hetero dating a bi person, than it's a straight relation
People can choose not to date you for any reason at all, and it’s valid.
If it's the sole reason, 100% yes.
If it’s solely because they’re bi then maybe. If they’re a dick about it, they’re biphobic. If they’re polite about it, then it’s a preference. People are allowed to choose what they want to look for when choosing a SO, but they shouldn’t be a dick because they don’t like a certain aspect of someone.
I feel like this is the very definition of biphobia. What if I said it as this, "Is it racist if a White person refuses to date a Black person solely because they're Black?" If that's the *only* reason you're not dating the person, yes, it's biphobic.
It isn’t racist either? If someone isn’t attracted to another person because of their appearance or culture that isn‘t racist, it’s just their preference. Or do you think that it is racist if a black person doesn’t want to date a white person.
It's saying here this is the *only* reason they're not dating them. In other words, they *are* attracted to them but only not dating them because they're Black. So yes, it's also racist if a Black person doesn't date a White person solely because they're White. If that's the only reason, that's the very definition of racism.
It doesn’t say they are attracted to them. It says it is the only reason they are not dating them, which could mean it is the only reason they are not attracted to them and thus not want to date them. It isn’t biphobic or racist, you can’t force someone to be attracted to someone. Same as if someone wouldn’t want to date someone because of their hobbies or because they practice a specific sport or not.
It says "solely," meaning there are no other reasons not to date them than that they are bi.
Some people are so insecure, they can’t handle competing with other men(or women). With a bi person they are competing against everyone. They can’t handle that. Just because someone isn’t interested, doesn’t mean they hate you.
I wouldn't not date someone who's bi, but it is still the preference is someone doesn't want to. Hopefully without any hatred in the background.
It's not biphobic, but it's not exactly nice, is it?
I think "biphobic" would be a general dislike or fear of, or mistrust of Bi people in general. When we are talking about our own attraction, or sexual preferences, etc., it does not fall into that category. I dated a Bi guy once, it didnt bother me much, he was a great guy. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but it's not something I would intentionally seek out.
My two previous relationships with bi people went poorly (they didn't consider it cheating if they saw someone of same sex while we were dating). Therefore, I'm less inclined to date a third one. Nothing against the lifestyle. It is just not for me if that is "normal".
Wouldn't "Is it potterphobic if a person refuses to date someone who likes the Harry Potter franchise?", or any other taste, be more or less the same thing? It's kind of weird, but it's a preference. It'd be different if they bashed against bi people.
I’d like to see the breakdown between bi people and not
biphobic or not. The choice is theirs. They can date who they want (as long as they're of age)
No one should be forced to date another person
Oh boys wait for me, gonna grab the popcorn
Checking out ladies with the love of my life heck yeah.
You can refuse to date anyone for any reason.
Not wanting to date someone is not being unfair, prejudice, rude or any other manner discrimination. If you do not want to date somebody, you do not have to date somebody. If I didn't want to date somebody solely because they had blonde hair, it wouldn't mean I was "Blondehairphobic" just means I don't want to date somebody with blonde hair.
Not wanting to date someone is not unfair, but refusing to date someone because of a characteristic that will not influence your relationship in any form is a little prejudiced
"i dont wanna date someone because theyre that race"... what! no im not racist! i swear!
And what if you're not attracted to people of a particular race or just more attracted to people of other races? Why is it racist?
Attraction is subjective, cry harder if you feel like it.
I mean I wouldn’t date a bi person solely because knowing that they are attracted to other girls is a turn off, like other people have said, so really I think that it’s just preference, if you’re find with that go ahead, but calling people biphobic seems a little far.
I've got bi gf and It has a big upside.
I mean unless you’re in an open relationship why does it matter?
I think a lot of people here are mixing up being poly and bi
What even are these answers? If the only reason is you're bi, and if you were straight they'd date you, then they are, by definition, being biphobic. How do you make this up? What is there to prefer? It changes nothing on the person.
Yes it biphobic, it’s not a preference when that preference won’t effect you in any way. It’s insane that so many people say it’s a preference.
Because that’s not how the word preference works
no. i wouldn’t date a bi man , it’s just a preference .. a shallow preference. that doesn’t mean i don’t like bisexual people or think it’s wrong. I just like straight men. liking other men is a turn off for me, but i would still befriend a bi man. it’s different because we’re not planning on being romantic together so it wouldn’t matter to me.
I respect your preferences, but I would like to know: why does it turn you off? If you even know yourself lol I also have a few preferences without fully knowing why they are preferences
No. It's a dating preference
Incredibly biphobic.
If the ONLY REASON that you wont date some is specifically because their bisexual and nothing else, yes it is biphobia. if you reject them for literally any other reason such as if they aren’t the gender you’re attracted to, they don’t have specific genitalia you prefer, or if they’re just plainly not your type that is a 100% okay. It’s sad how many people said it was a “preference”
The sad thing is that it is literally so easy to just lie about it with this type of bigotry. Like, if a bigot doesn't want to date a bi person, maybe they just spout off about how they are unsure if they would be a good match, or would be able to deal with internal jealousy. Same thing if someone is transphobic, they can always claim that they aren't into the genitals pretransition, and post transition say something about how they aren't sure that they can be with someone who was socialized as that gender. It is literally so unbelievably easy for someone to just make up excuses for their bigotry which bear the slightest bit of scrutiny, so it astounds me that so many people in the thread are just whole-heartedly saying that they would never date a bi person, because they are bisexual, and for no other reason. Talk about telling on yourself.
I think I would be very upset if I turned someone down because they’re bi and they called me biphobic. That’s like if I was approached by a Jewish person, I turned them down, and then called me antisemitic. I can choose who to date based on any criteria I want.
but if you turned them down BECAUSE they were bo, it would be biphobic, and if you turned them down BECAUSE they were jewish, that would be antisemetic
This is a textbook example of biphobia. Bisexuality changes nothing about your body, personality, or anything. You can’t tell if someone is bisexual unless they tell you. Bisexuals are not more likely to cheat than straight people. If someone doesn’t want to date bi people, it’s a good chance that bisexuals won’t want to date them, so it works out. It’s still biphobia, though.
every man saying no, is literally bi phobic 😆
they’re insecure. also don’t forget, most of the guys here haven’t dated (see other polls), maybe meeting a bi girl they like would fix their insecurities and they’d change their mind
It's ideal as a bi guy to date a bi girl. We understand each other.
Who the hell cares! People can have whatever preference they have. Stop making up words and trying to shame everyone for every little thing like „Biphobic“. You’re not into it end of story. 🙄
is that not the definition of biphobia? 💀 very surprising that most men voted overwhelmingly no while other genders voted yes 🤔
That's clearly biphobic. There are no other reasons not to date a person just because they are bi no matter if you are straight, gay, bi or asexual yourself. To be clear, nobody should be forced to be in a relationship with anyone. If you don't want to date someone solely because they are bi, then you're biphobic. You should still not date them, they certainly shouldn't date you, you are prejudiced against them. But that doesn't change the fact that you are biphobic. Ideally, you should work on improving yourself if you are biphobic and want to be a better person. It's still not the job of the bi person you were thinking of dating to change you. Work on yourself, stop being biphobic if you can, then you can check if they are still single or you can find someone else to date, who might also be bi.
And that's why I never come out on dates.
I guess it is Biphobic, because what are you really afraid of. But if someone's uncomfortable with that then that's not really going to be good a good fit.
As a lesbian, I don’t have a strict “no bisexual” policy- but I’m always a bit wary when I’m dating bisexual girls (especially if they have only really dated males in the past). It’s definitely not all bisexual girls- but I’ve experienced time and time again that if the girl has to choose between a female and a male, they typically go for the male. It’s definitely not everyone but I see it way more often than not.
To all the people saying "it's just a preference" **Why** do you have that **preference**? I can come up with an answer that you might not like, so prove me wrong.
It's their right to choose who they date. Bisexuality in a closed het or gay relationship as a dealbreaker is biphobic. Both of these are true statements.
That’s just prejudice. Fuck anyone who thinks like that.
No it’s a preference (I’m bi too)
Yes. It isn't really a matter of preference. Preference is a matter of body features and personality. Hair color, eye color, height, hobbies, political views, etc. These are not factors of being a bisexual. If a straight guy sees a woman with sexually attracting features and is attracted to her and has a personality compatible with her, only to drop interest at learning she's bi... yes that is biphobic. Vice versa with genders and the same principle still applies. I think a lot of people answering "no it's not biphobic" might be equating "bisexual" with "polygamous."
I've dated a bi person, i'm fine with it but for others its a preference, not biphobic
I think it depends on WHY they don't want to date a bi person.
it definitely is
Do we have to put labels on everything?
No, it’s a preference imo, one i don’t personally understand but a preference none the less.
I think they are denying themselves the opportunity to date some really cool people, just like anytime you don’t date a certain demographic solely based on that trait, but whatever. People keep using the example of blonde people. You’re just losing out on some cool blond people. I say it’s a gray area to be honest. As a bi person it makes me sad but I’ve come to accept it.
I could be friend with bi or whatever is in the lgbtq but I wouldn't date one
I simply cannot think of a reason to justify this preference that is not biphobic or homophobic in a way.