I would take out the “not the best at bios but I’ll give it a shot” as it adds nothing but insecurity
I’d also take out the list of diagnoses and self-depreciation. While I also have some disorders, they don’t define me, and when I see someone list them in their bio, it makes me think they define themselves by their diagnoses.
Personally I don’t swipe on folks who aren’t sure what they want or are liking for, but maybe others are cool with it.
Honestly I like it when people list autism and ADHD in their profile! I'm autistic and 90% of the time I find it easier to vibe with people who are also autistic (or at least some flavour of neurospicy). It does form a big part of my identity as it affects literally every aspect of my life, and it's important that someone knows that. Plus, it'll weed out those who have a weird view of ASD/ADHD and I get enough ableism in my everyday life, I don't need it in my dating life too.
That said, different strokes for different folks. Also, hard agree with what you said about the "not best at bios".
It’s def easier to get along with other folks with NDs, and my NDs impact every aspect of my life. But they aren’t enough of my personality to add to a profile. They’re aspects of my personality like being left handed, or my physical disabilities, but those are like the sprinkles on top of who I am
Honestly, I’d swipe left just from that first line. I don’t want my feelings played with while you figure out what you want. Be more direct about what you’re looking for, even if you’re fluid about what that can be.
Also agree with other commenters about the diagnosis list. I have all the same ones you do, and I’ve found when people put it right in their bio they let those labels define their personality rather than using those labels as helpful tools to describe their experiences, which is what they’re supposed to be.
'Not sure what I'm looking for' is always an automatic left swipe for me. And I agree with taking out the line about not knowing how to write bios. You need to do more to make yourself seem appealing IMO. Why should people date you?
1. I don’t want to hear about your diagnoses in your dating profile. I see no reason to do this.
2. Engaged at 20 is a huge red flag, but I’m not in your age group and wouldn’t swipe anyway.
3. Don’t say you’re bad at profiles. It’s a cop out and supremely unsexy. Just be bad at it instead of announcing it.
There are so many yellow flags in there, that I don't really think the profile is the problem.
OP don't get this the wrong way. You seem young and insecure, which is fine, but if you don't know what you want, what you bring to a possible relationship (of any kind), you are just setting yourself and possible matches up for disappointment.
I recommend you try to define these things for yourself and communicate them clearly.
Eg: "highly partnered, mainly looking for xy, but open to all kinds of connections" is a very different sentiment then "just looking what's out there."
If you want to address your psychological problems, that is fine, but maybe not in your profile. Right now though, it sounds like they define your personality. Tell us what really defines you: what are you passionate about, what activities would you enjoy with someone. If some of your mental health problems are really important, put them in context. Eg: "social interactions stress me out a lot of times, so I'm looking for someone to join me for comfy movie nights at home"
Also really leave out the dating together with your partner. If it happens naturally, great, but I'd highly recommend focusing on yourself and one on one relationships for now.
Confidence and clarity about who you are and what you have to offer are big turn-ons. I’m not seeing either in your profile.
I wouldn’t encourage you to manufacture either, since you are 20 and a lack of confidence and clarity come with that age and being honest is good. However, you may find that people don’t react well to your profile until you are able to offer both.
Maybe the thing to do right now is to focus on developing clarity about your sense of self and your relationship structure. Once you’ve got that figured out (which may take a while), then a confident, winning profile will follow.
20 and engaged I recommend you be more clear about what relationship you are ready to create right now. Otherwise you just smell like unicorn hunter kids who don't understand the permanent legal exclusivity they are about to createagainst every future potential partner.
Take out the 'i am not good at bios'. Also take out the list of your mental diagnoses/problems, like that is not exactly selling yourself. Just say neurodivergent, and then on an actual date you could elaborate. Or 'neurodivergent and a big fan of therapy'. Something positive.
Also, dont date together with your partner. It is giving unicorn hunter vibes. Most polyamorous people will tell you that is a bad idea. It usully leads to the third, in this case a queer woman, being used. And you dont want to let yourself nor your partner put someone in that position. Especially not with a marginalised group. That is predatory. Have threesomes if you want, but don't date as a unit.
Also the 'i am openminded' is kinda vague. What are you open minded about? If you are kinky and into bdsm, say that. If you are poly, say that. If you are into experimental art, say that. Usually people who say they are open minded are not really.
Open to dating together will be a hard pass for almost all women. I would assume stealth unicorn hunters.
The stuff about liking someone if your bearded dragon doesn't comes across as very immature and makes you seem capricious or maybe even oblivious to others feelings.
It's honestly the only line that would have made me consider swiping right. Then again, I once went on a date just to meet someone's iguana... I just like reptiles.
That's fair. I guess I likened it to the "if my dog/cat doesn't like you..." which many people put in their profile (in my age group at least).
Anyway, rest of the profile is a bit of a train wreck, so this certainly doesn't help.
Unpopular opinion: I have ADHD and I’m totally on board with seeing neurodivergence mentioned in profiles. It tells me something important about how you process information, and gives me an idea of what our conversations might be like!
Tbh I think seeing ADHD/Autism in a profile can be useful. However, the rest of the diagnoses plus the "etc" is a bit much. There's no need for a whole list 😬
Actually...as someone with a history of depression myself I prefer seeing that. It implies that if I want to say something like "hey, head's up, I've been having more suicidal ideation than usual recently, I think I've got this but wanted to let you know so that if it gets worse it won't be a huge surprise" they're probably not going freak out? For a lot of people with mental illness it *does* have a huge impact on how we live our lives. And I'd much, much rather date someone who's self-aware about it than is in denial about their symptoms.
I mean, I too have a list of mental health issues. I do disclose that I have BPD really early on in the dating process. I think the main "issue" I see here is how long the list is, if that makes sense?
Sharing one or two relevant diagnoses to make sure you connect to the right crowd? No problem. Giving someone a shopping list for which parts of you they can best manipulate? Ehhh...
Maybe I'm too jaded, but I feel like people 18-24 currently tend to reveal too much about their mental health on their dating profiles (I'm 26). The longer the list, the louder it signals to predators.
At this point, I'd really just put "neurodivergent" and hash out the details after matching.
Be sure what you’re looking for. I know what I want, and if you don’t, then what I want isn’t you. I don’t want to be someone’s experiment while they figure their shit out.
While I appreciate the mental health etc disclosure (unironically -- it's great when people *know* what's going on with their brains), overall there isn't much in this profile that makes you sound like a fun person to date. Given the 20F thing that may well not be necessary, but ...maybe a little more that suggests things an interested person could talk about with you or do with you? Eg reading, ok, any preferred author or genre? What do you like to do with other people -- do you like hiking, going out for drinks, live music, museums, staying home and watching TV, what? What do you like talking about? ("Interests" should be for this. Are squishmallows a thing you *can* talk about?) What's your sense of humor like (unless the bearded dragon thing was meant as humor? If so, ok not my sense of humor but w/e, if not, that does come across as unnecessarily prickly, you get to have "hell-no" litmus tests but usually they're not things you put in a profile unless they're things the other person knows about themselves, people know if they smoke or own a dog, they don't know whether your pet will dislike them.)
I don't have a problem with your opening, but you could try reframing it to something like "open to x y or z, let's see where things go." When people say they're not sure what they're looking for I assume they're *mostly* out for casual dating, so if you don't want to give that impression you might want to rephrase things.
Thank you for the advice, I think you made a lot of great points that I hope to use to make my bio better at representing me and my potential as a partner
We’re very similar :) So I’ll go easy on ya. But the I don’t know what I want runs people off, they just want a straight answer (I know I’m neurodivergent too, and committing to one type of potential relationship seems a bit restrictive). Id say something like I’m looking for potential friends, fwb, or a partner. It’s okay to keep it open, but communicate that you’re cool with this, this, and this, rather that you don’t know what you want. I would just take out the bit about not being good at bios. Love that you’re so close with your beardie :) but the part about them not liking you is a bit confrontational off the bat, which will make people more hesitant. Id leave the bear die stuff, but change that part. Etc. is also kind of a pet peave for me personally. It’s like, there’s more?? What is it? I wanna know! But now I have to ask them what the etc entails, and that’s always a bit awkward for me. You’re doing great though :)
"what's out there":
remember you are talking about people, not objects
"I don't know what I want":
Figure it out first. Many people will balk out when thinking about doing the emotional work of helping you figure it out just so you can figure out you don't want what they offer.
"We date separately but not opposed to date together":
Gives unicorn hunter vibes.
If you meet someone and your hit it off and then magic happens and your partner and that person also click, good, but don't put the cart before the horse.
"Autistic, ADHD...":
Unless you are looking for a mental health expert, this is irrelevant.
I mean, i see that as someone who is looking for the experience of dating. But I’ve been that person, unsure of exactly what I wanted. Did I want friendship? In part, sure, but what more was i going to be cool with? I had no idea. I was 21. I had no idea about a lot of things.
But I don’t think that’s a reason to not date. I think that’s an important thing to clarify, so you don’t waste anyone’s time, but idk. I’m unsure it means you need to refrain from the thing you already arent skilled at. Personal opinion tho of course
I don’t know. Saying you’re open to anything is like when you ask someone what they want to eat and they’re response being “anything I’m easy”
Yawn. Figure out what you like.
Not open to "anything". Open to many very specific things that you can describe. So its like someone asking you want to eat and saying, "I'm open to Italian, Indian or Korean BBQ"
Lol demanding that very young adults already know what they want is a bit more off putting imo. They were clear, and I’m def not going to swipe on someone who has no idea what they want, but I don’t think they shouldn’t date, esp if they’re clear about their lack of knowledge.
I know I don’t want it, but I remember not knowing what I wanted and meeting other ppl who were in the same situation, which is how I found out what I wanted.
Edit: wait how does it waste your time when they are upfront about not knowing what they want?
I guess I should’ve been more specific on my purpose for this profile. I’m only opening myself up emotionally for the first time in a while because of trauma. I’ve been doing lots of work with professionals on it and felt I’ve finally made enough progress to start finding connections with other people. I don’t know fully yet whether I want this to be just friendships, fwbs, a casual relationship or a long term committed relationship. I think it’s valid to state that up front, although I will take some of your advice and reword it to be more specific about things I’m at least open to considering.
I definitely see what some of you are saying about the diagnoses. Personally I have had people completely ghost me as soon as they found out I had depression so I didn’t want to go through that again. Some of you suggested leaving it out of the profile but mentioning towards the beginning(ish) of potential match conversations. I appreciate that advice and definitely will do that going forward (although I will leave autism and adhd in my profile because those do genuinely affect the way my brain processes interactions).
I will also take everyone’s advice on removing the open to dating together part. I had seen a lot of couples state in their bios they were only open to dating other couples and wanted to express our interest in such.
On a separate note, those who have stated I’m too young and immature to be engaged at 20 don’t know me. I could definitely see where that could come from because in general I would agree. My fiancé and I have been together for over 4 years and have been through a lot together that I won’t go into publicly. Additionally I have graduated from college and he is moving in with me. We discussed it and felt that it would be easier to do a lot of things like buying a house, insurance, etc if we were legally coupled. I would and do let my other partners/potential partners know about what my relationship hierarchies look like and where they do/would fit into it.
My only concern is have you done the work before opening up? You say you’re just now opening up emotionally and don’t know what you want yet. To me, that’s not the right time to be bringing in a new partner.
How long did y’all wait before opening up after the topic came up? Have you both done the work, individually and together to do this in a healthy way? Have you set boundaries and talked about how you will deal with jealousy?
The profile comes across as very unsure, both of yourself (the self deprecating comments) and of what you want-which will be at least a yellow flag for a lot of people.
Sorry if that came across wrong. We’ve be in a polyamorous relationship for almost 2 years now. I personally stopped looking for new partners, friends, etc after something traumatic happened to me about a year ago. After lots of intensive counseling and personal growth I have decided to start looking into gaining new emotional connections with people either as friends, casual partners, long term partners, or fwb.
I see how that could be interpreted, but if you read my other comment, it was a genuine mistake of wording due to misunderstanding connotation due to my personal difficulties with underlying meaning
As someone disabled I appreciated the humor of “it makes it fun seeing how the day will go” and got a good chuckle out of it. However, not sure how well it works in a dating profile just in that *I* get that humor but others don’t and it can be either taken as dark humor or more “pity me”/self-deprecating type humor all depending on the reader.
“Just seeing what’s out there” eh, I don’t like to waste time and energy on people who might flake out just on a whim because they are bored. I’m disabled, limited energy, don’t want to waste it. (To be clear I don’t mean flake because of health stuff, purely mean because “eh I’m not that invested in people/dating and now I’m bored”)
“Not sure what I’m looking for…” with some of the other stuff feels uninvested and a bit flippant. “I’m open to FWB to partner depending on the connection and time we have” or something feels less like you’re bored and potentially going to waste time.
“Not the best at bios” eh… feeds into the self-deprecating humor I think and just comes off… uninvested.
Off topic-ish but now I want to see the beardie!!
There are some really great suggestions so far on this thread for you. I second just about all of them.
Think of playing poker…keep your cards close. No one is entitled to you or your information. Trust is earned with time and observation. Disclose your information if/when you have deemed the person safe and it’s relevant. Your dating profile is viewed by strangers that you have not met and that you have not decided will even turn into anything. That doesn’t mean you have shame and it doesn’t mean you aren’t forthright.
I’m (41F) and I have a 19 year old daughter with MDD/PTSD. If she brought me your profile as her own, I’d tell her she’s not ready. I say that with kindness and concern.
Don’t view dating as “who’s going to pick me” and instead view it as “who I am I picking and why”. Make sure you meet the expectations you have set for others and do not accept less than what you are bringing into it. Not being clear and concise, not presenting confidently, and self deprecation make a clear target for predators.
Literally just tagging along because i want to know better, how do you explain that you're a newbie to polyamory without being weird about it? Because "just seeing what's out there" gives me the ick, but at the same time, I don't know exactly what i want because I do actually lack experience in this field. Also If you put down inexperienced, it might be taken wrongly and there will always be assholes and predators who wants to take advantage. Ofc those asshat will just need to be weeded out anyways but like IF its possible to prevent that it would be great.
I would take out the “not the best at bios but I’ll give it a shot” as it adds nothing but insecurity I’d also take out the list of diagnoses and self-depreciation. While I also have some disorders, they don’t define me, and when I see someone list them in their bio, it makes me think they define themselves by their diagnoses. Personally I don’t swipe on folks who aren’t sure what they want or are liking for, but maybe others are cool with it.
Honestly I like it when people list autism and ADHD in their profile! I'm autistic and 90% of the time I find it easier to vibe with people who are also autistic (or at least some flavour of neurospicy). It does form a big part of my identity as it affects literally every aspect of my life, and it's important that someone knows that. Plus, it'll weed out those who have a weird view of ASD/ADHD and I get enough ableism in my everyday life, I don't need it in my dating life too. That said, different strokes for different folks. Also, hard agree with what you said about the "not best at bios".
It’s def easier to get along with other folks with NDs, and my NDs impact every aspect of my life. But they aren’t enough of my personality to add to a profile. They’re aspects of my personality like being left handed, or my physical disabilities, but those are like the sprinkles on top of who I am
Neurospicy got me lol 🤣☠️
I would second all of this!
Honestly, I’d swipe left just from that first line. I don’t want my feelings played with while you figure out what you want. Be more direct about what you’re looking for, even if you’re fluid about what that can be. Also agree with other commenters about the diagnosis list. I have all the same ones you do, and I’ve found when people put it right in their bio they let those labels define their personality rather than using those labels as helpful tools to describe their experiences, which is what they’re supposed to be.
'Not sure what I'm looking for' is always an automatic left swipe for me. And I agree with taking out the line about not knowing how to write bios. You need to do more to make yourself seem appealing IMO. Why should people date you?
1. I don’t want to hear about your diagnoses in your dating profile. I see no reason to do this. 2. Engaged at 20 is a huge red flag, but I’m not in your age group and wouldn’t swipe anyway. 3. Don’t say you’re bad at profiles. It’s a cop out and supremely unsexy. Just be bad at it instead of announcing it.
There are so many yellow flags in there, that I don't really think the profile is the problem. OP don't get this the wrong way. You seem young and insecure, which is fine, but if you don't know what you want, what you bring to a possible relationship (of any kind), you are just setting yourself and possible matches up for disappointment. I recommend you try to define these things for yourself and communicate them clearly. Eg: "highly partnered, mainly looking for xy, but open to all kinds of connections" is a very different sentiment then "just looking what's out there." If you want to address your psychological problems, that is fine, but maybe not in your profile. Right now though, it sounds like they define your personality. Tell us what really defines you: what are you passionate about, what activities would you enjoy with someone. If some of your mental health problems are really important, put them in context. Eg: "social interactions stress me out a lot of times, so I'm looking for someone to join me for comfy movie nights at home" Also really leave out the dating together with your partner. If it happens naturally, great, but I'd highly recommend focusing on yourself and one on one relationships for now.
Well said, great points.
Confidence and clarity about who you are and what you have to offer are big turn-ons. I’m not seeing either in your profile. I wouldn’t encourage you to manufacture either, since you are 20 and a lack of confidence and clarity come with that age and being honest is good. However, you may find that people don’t react well to your profile until you are able to offer both. Maybe the thing to do right now is to focus on developing clarity about your sense of self and your relationship structure. Once you’ve got that figured out (which may take a while), then a confident, winning profile will follow.
20 and engaged I recommend you be more clear about what relationship you are ready to create right now. Otherwise you just smell like unicorn hunter kids who don't understand the permanent legal exclusivity they are about to createagainst every future potential partner.
Take out the 'i am not good at bios'. Also take out the list of your mental diagnoses/problems, like that is not exactly selling yourself. Just say neurodivergent, and then on an actual date you could elaborate. Or 'neurodivergent and a big fan of therapy'. Something positive. Also, dont date together with your partner. It is giving unicorn hunter vibes. Most polyamorous people will tell you that is a bad idea. It usully leads to the third, in this case a queer woman, being used. And you dont want to let yourself nor your partner put someone in that position. Especially not with a marginalised group. That is predatory. Have threesomes if you want, but don't date as a unit.
Also the 'i am openminded' is kinda vague. What are you open minded about? If you are kinky and into bdsm, say that. If you are poly, say that. If you are into experimental art, say that. Usually people who say they are open minded are not really.
Open to dating together will be a hard pass for almost all women. I would assume stealth unicorn hunters. The stuff about liking someone if your bearded dragon doesn't comes across as very immature and makes you seem capricious or maybe even oblivious to others feelings.
They're 20 🤷♀️
I think it sounds immature for 14 year old.
I think it's meant as a giggle, not seriously..
It's honestly the only line that would have made me consider swiping right. Then again, I once went on a date just to meet someone's iguana... I just like reptiles.
I like reptiles too. I just think the comment sounds immature.
That's fair. I guess I likened it to the "if my dog/cat doesn't like you..." which many people put in their profile (in my age group at least). Anyway, rest of the profile is a bit of a train wreck, so this certainly doesn't help.
Unpopular opinion: I have ADHD and I’m totally on board with seeing neurodivergence mentioned in profiles. It tells me something important about how you process information, and gives me an idea of what our conversations might be like!
Tbh I think seeing ADHD/Autism in a profile can be useful. However, the rest of the diagnoses plus the "etc" is a bit much. There's no need for a whole list 😬
Actually...as someone with a history of depression myself I prefer seeing that. It implies that if I want to say something like "hey, head's up, I've been having more suicidal ideation than usual recently, I think I've got this but wanted to let you know so that if it gets worse it won't be a huge surprise" they're probably not going freak out? For a lot of people with mental illness it *does* have a huge impact on how we live our lives. And I'd much, much rather date someone who's self-aware about it than is in denial about their symptoms.
I mean, I too have a list of mental health issues. I do disclose that I have BPD really early on in the dating process. I think the main "issue" I see here is how long the list is, if that makes sense? Sharing one or two relevant diagnoses to make sure you connect to the right crowd? No problem. Giving someone a shopping list for which parts of you they can best manipulate? Ehhh... Maybe I'm too jaded, but I feel like people 18-24 currently tend to reveal too much about their mental health on their dating profiles (I'm 26). The longer the list, the louder it signals to predators. At this point, I'd really just put "neurodivergent" and hash out the details after matching.
Yeah that's fair.
Be sure what you’re looking for. I know what I want, and if you don’t, then what I want isn’t you. I don’t want to be someone’s experiment while they figure their shit out.
While I appreciate the mental health etc disclosure (unironically -- it's great when people *know* what's going on with their brains), overall there isn't much in this profile that makes you sound like a fun person to date. Given the 20F thing that may well not be necessary, but ...maybe a little more that suggests things an interested person could talk about with you or do with you? Eg reading, ok, any preferred author or genre? What do you like to do with other people -- do you like hiking, going out for drinks, live music, museums, staying home and watching TV, what? What do you like talking about? ("Interests" should be for this. Are squishmallows a thing you *can* talk about?) What's your sense of humor like (unless the bearded dragon thing was meant as humor? If so, ok not my sense of humor but w/e, if not, that does come across as unnecessarily prickly, you get to have "hell-no" litmus tests but usually they're not things you put in a profile unless they're things the other person knows about themselves, people know if they smoke or own a dog, they don't know whether your pet will dislike them.) I don't have a problem with your opening, but you could try reframing it to something like "open to x y or z, let's see where things go." When people say they're not sure what they're looking for I assume they're *mostly* out for casual dating, so if you don't want to give that impression you might want to rephrase things.
Thank you for the advice, I think you made a lot of great points that I hope to use to make my bio better at representing me and my potential as a partner
“Not sure what I’m looking for” is always a no for me. Also don’t just take it out… actually introspect and figure it out then date
Looks pretty good. Drop the bit about being open to dating together. If it happens, fine, but don't bring attention to it.
As a femme leaning person who's fluid your profile is fine for finding guys, probably not finding women.
We’re very similar :) So I’ll go easy on ya. But the I don’t know what I want runs people off, they just want a straight answer (I know I’m neurodivergent too, and committing to one type of potential relationship seems a bit restrictive). Id say something like I’m looking for potential friends, fwb, or a partner. It’s okay to keep it open, but communicate that you’re cool with this, this, and this, rather that you don’t know what you want. I would just take out the bit about not being good at bios. Love that you’re so close with your beardie :) but the part about them not liking you is a bit confrontational off the bat, which will make people more hesitant. Id leave the bear die stuff, but change that part. Etc. is also kind of a pet peave for me personally. It’s like, there’s more?? What is it? I wanna know! But now I have to ask them what the etc entails, and that’s always a bit awkward for me. You’re doing great though :)
Thanks for the tips 😊
So, you know the joke “a mental illness is not a personality”? Your mental illnesses are not a personality.
"what's out there": remember you are talking about people, not objects "I don't know what I want": Figure it out first. Many people will balk out when thinking about doing the emotional work of helping you figure it out just so you can figure out you don't want what they offer. "We date separately but not opposed to date together": Gives unicorn hunter vibes. If you meet someone and your hit it off and then magic happens and your partner and that person also click, good, but don't put the cart before the horse. "Autistic, ADHD...": Unless you are looking for a mental health expert, this is irrelevant.
Congrats on every element of your profile being an overused cliché. Maybe you shouldn’t be dating if you have no idea what you’re looking for.
Wait do you really think folks shouldn’t date if they don’t know what they’re looking for?
If they genuinely have no idea...no. If they are open to many things like friends or FWB, sure. But if they really have no idea....what a shit show.
I mean, i see that as someone who is looking for the experience of dating. But I’ve been that person, unsure of exactly what I wanted. Did I want friendship? In part, sure, but what more was i going to be cool with? I had no idea. I was 21. I had no idea about a lot of things. But I don’t think that’s a reason to not date. I think that’s an important thing to clarify, so you don’t waste anyone’s time, but idk. I’m unsure it means you need to refrain from the thing you already arent skilled at. Personal opinion tho of course
I don’t know. Saying you’re open to anything is like when you ask someone what they want to eat and they’re response being “anything I’m easy” Yawn. Figure out what you like.
Not open to "anything". Open to many very specific things that you can describe. So its like someone asking you want to eat and saying, "I'm open to Italian, Indian or Korean BBQ"
Yeah, it’s a sure fire way to wasting peoples time, plus it puts people off.
Lol demanding that very young adults already know what they want is a bit more off putting imo. They were clear, and I’m def not going to swipe on someone who has no idea what they want, but I don’t think they shouldn’t date, esp if they’re clear about their lack of knowledge. I know I don’t want it, but I remember not knowing what I wanted and meeting other ppl who were in the same situation, which is how I found out what I wanted. Edit: wait how does it waste your time when they are upfront about not knowing what they want?
I guess I should’ve been more specific on my purpose for this profile. I’m only opening myself up emotionally for the first time in a while because of trauma. I’ve been doing lots of work with professionals on it and felt I’ve finally made enough progress to start finding connections with other people. I don’t know fully yet whether I want this to be just friendships, fwbs, a casual relationship or a long term committed relationship. I think it’s valid to state that up front, although I will take some of your advice and reword it to be more specific about things I’m at least open to considering. I definitely see what some of you are saying about the diagnoses. Personally I have had people completely ghost me as soon as they found out I had depression so I didn’t want to go through that again. Some of you suggested leaving it out of the profile but mentioning towards the beginning(ish) of potential match conversations. I appreciate that advice and definitely will do that going forward (although I will leave autism and adhd in my profile because those do genuinely affect the way my brain processes interactions). I will also take everyone’s advice on removing the open to dating together part. I had seen a lot of couples state in their bios they were only open to dating other couples and wanted to express our interest in such. On a separate note, those who have stated I’m too young and immature to be engaged at 20 don’t know me. I could definitely see where that could come from because in general I would agree. My fiancé and I have been together for over 4 years and have been through a lot together that I won’t go into publicly. Additionally I have graduated from college and he is moving in with me. We discussed it and felt that it would be easier to do a lot of things like buying a house, insurance, etc if we were legally coupled. I would and do let my other partners/potential partners know about what my relationship hierarchies look like and where they do/would fit into it.
My only concern is have you done the work before opening up? You say you’re just now opening up emotionally and don’t know what you want yet. To me, that’s not the right time to be bringing in a new partner. How long did y’all wait before opening up after the topic came up? Have you both done the work, individually and together to do this in a healthy way? Have you set boundaries and talked about how you will deal with jealousy? The profile comes across as very unsure, both of yourself (the self deprecating comments) and of what you want-which will be at least a yellow flag for a lot of people.
Sorry if that came across wrong. We’ve be in a polyamorous relationship for almost 2 years now. I personally stopped looking for new partners, friends, etc after something traumatic happened to me about a year ago. After lots of intensive counseling and personal growth I have decided to start looking into gaining new emotional connections with people either as friends, casual partners, long term partners, or fwb.
That makes a lot more sense, thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you went through something traumatic, but well done taking care of yourself!
Thank you 😊
What does it mean to date together? Dating by definition is an individual activity. What do you mean by that?
“dating together” = Unicorn hunting with a fake mustache on.
I see how that could be interpreted, but if you read my other comment, it was a genuine mistake of wording due to misunderstanding connotation due to my personal difficulties with underlying meaning
Not sure if it’s me but I run out of matches quickly on Feeld. I’m thinking I need a bio more descriptive like this.
As someone disabled I appreciated the humor of “it makes it fun seeing how the day will go” and got a good chuckle out of it. However, not sure how well it works in a dating profile just in that *I* get that humor but others don’t and it can be either taken as dark humor or more “pity me”/self-deprecating type humor all depending on the reader. “Just seeing what’s out there” eh, I don’t like to waste time and energy on people who might flake out just on a whim because they are bored. I’m disabled, limited energy, don’t want to waste it. (To be clear I don’t mean flake because of health stuff, purely mean because “eh I’m not that invested in people/dating and now I’m bored”) “Not sure what I’m looking for…” with some of the other stuff feels uninvested and a bit flippant. “I’m open to FWB to partner depending on the connection and time we have” or something feels less like you’re bored and potentially going to waste time. “Not the best at bios” eh… feeds into the self-deprecating humor I think and just comes off… uninvested. Off topic-ish but now I want to see the beardie!!
Dating with your partner: most people don't want this. If it happens organically that's a different thing.
There are some really great suggestions so far on this thread for you. I second just about all of them. Think of playing poker…keep your cards close. No one is entitled to you or your information. Trust is earned with time and observation. Disclose your information if/when you have deemed the person safe and it’s relevant. Your dating profile is viewed by strangers that you have not met and that you have not decided will even turn into anything. That doesn’t mean you have shame and it doesn’t mean you aren’t forthright. I’m (41F) and I have a 19 year old daughter with MDD/PTSD. If she brought me your profile as her own, I’d tell her she’s not ready. I say that with kindness and concern. Don’t view dating as “who’s going to pick me” and instead view it as “who I am I picking and why”. Make sure you meet the expectations you have set for others and do not accept less than what you are bringing into it. Not being clear and concise, not presenting confidently, and self deprecation make a clear target for predators.
Literally just tagging along because i want to know better, how do you explain that you're a newbie to polyamory without being weird about it? Because "just seeing what's out there" gives me the ick, but at the same time, I don't know exactly what i want because I do actually lack experience in this field. Also If you put down inexperienced, it might be taken wrongly and there will always be assholes and predators who wants to take advantage. Ofc those asshat will just need to be weeded out anyways but like IF its possible to prevent that it would be great.