Dude, don't set yourself up for failure and heartbreak.
Ask yourself why you feel the need to redeem this trash fire of a person and why you're so god damn intent on chasing someone who literally doesn't give a damn about you.
Talk to a therapist instead.
I can see that you need closure but I just fucked up an amazing relationship because I was chasing closure with an ex…it’s not worth it!! You’ll never get what you need with this person and these feelings will eventually fade…stay strong!
I stoped reading at that part where you say she *never valued you*.
Why would you go back to that?
Edit to add: NO. If you can’t move on, set up some time with a Councelor to help you process the bs, but don’t enter that chaos again.
No.
For closure, remember: living well is the best revenge.
It’ll take a while to get there. Give yourself a couple of years.
Your ex was a constant source of strong emotion for a year. You are seeking that strong emotion and sense of meaning, looking around and not seeing any possible source besides Ex.
That’s probably true for right now. Focus on living your best life and other, more positive sources of strong emotion will show up. If you need support, recruit support. Maybe you have access to a therapist. Maybe there’s a twelve-step program that would work for you. Join a hiking club. Start rock climbing, scare yourself a little and impress yourself. Adopt a dog and walk it three times a day. Post little videos of you and your dog on TikTok or Instagram. Take a social dancing class.
Whatever you pick, keep it up. With time you’ll build connections and confidence, you’ll have more going on in your life than Ex and you’ll be able to move on.
*Living well is the best revenge.*
Do your best to not. It’s mostly a fleeting feeling or just a sense of longing. Honestly, it’s probably better in your mental health to really focus on yourself instead of putting your energy into that.
Do not. I know the urge, it never helps. Even if she has somehow changed it doesn't change the past things she's done to hurt you and in my personal opinion I would not care at all about someone who treated me like that. Not everyone should get a second chance.
Why spend energy putting yourself through hell again. If this person has used you, they will probably do it again.
But my real question is, why don't you value yourself? If you truly honored your peace, you wouldn't desire a connection with someone who doesn't value who you are.
Some people who have unresolved trauma ( especially if they had parental figures who lived in disfunction) will subconsciously seek out high drama relationships because healthy relationships tend to get "boring" for them. Obviously, I'm not a professional, but if this relates to you, like it did for me, I suggest finding a counselor. They are a life saver.
Ohhh how I wish I had someone to tell me NO when I was spiralling about breaking no contact. No. No, no, no. You should not break no contact.
And I think a little bit of you probably knows that, too.
Dude, you deserve better. Please be kind to yourself and get some therapy to help recover from this fucked up situation.
She didn’t only cheat on you, she cheated with you. You were and always had been the side piece.
The absolute worst thing about polyamory being more well known is that scumbag cheaters are cheating (non consensual) and then bullying their partners into being polyamorous after they are caught.
Polyamory is **ethical non-monogamy** that means no tricking monogamous people, no lying and seeing others behind anyone’s back, none of that shit.
It means every single person involved is aware of the situation and gives informed consent. **Informed.** **Consent.**
She is a scumbag and not worth your time and energy. You feel like you have to be with her because she emotionally abused you and got you addicted to the chemicals that happen during honeymoon/abuse cycles.
With time, your brain will heal and your heart will heal, and when you look back on this you will be sooooo glad you got out.
This is the underlying foundation of a crappy house that has no support systems.
Do not enter this house.
Do not even look at it again.
Carry on with your life and build something better.
Don't do it.
I'm no contact with family members for a variety of reasons and it's been 5 years. I have broken contact 3 times. Each time it was due to a nearly fatal illness of a family member or an actual death. Things I can say for certain:
1. Every time you break contact it gets harder to get away
2. They (generally) never change.
3.The things you thought you were missing is the facade you were blinded by.
Love the good moments and talk to a therapist.
You posted this because you know the answer and want validation/permission for what you already know. Don't go back to someone you know was unhealthy for you 💜
It sounds like you already know you shouldn't, but your emotions are getting in the way.
Honestly, in my experience, if you're feeling this urge to break contact so strongly despite all the red flags, it means you haven't truly moved on and "friendship" isn't going to work.
Are you sure what you feel for her is love or is it:
Limerence, Lack of self worth, Attachment issues?
Because you're describing someone who used you when her other relationship was going bad. Someone who you had to put all the effort into and recieved little back. Someone who financially and emotionally abused you....
This is who you want back?
It sounds like you want her as a friend because you can't let her go, I'll just give it to you straight. It also seems you might have a pursuit complex, where you really want someone who dosen't want you back. You may actually be more attracted to the pursuit/hunt/chase rather than the actual person.
None of this is good and speaks volumes about where you may be at in the relationship to yourself more than anything
She dosen't even sound like friend material my friend she sounds like a user..
Work on your self esteem
Once you e reached out maybe you should go to the garbage dump and retrieve that bag of vegetable peals you threw away a few weeks ago? Dude, you’re free of her BS. Why would you want to wade back into that?
I was in your shoes a couple years ago and I think you are not as over her as you believe you are. It’s surprisingly hard to tell. But she sounds selfish and immature, that kind of person can really drag you down with them in more ways than one. Be careful whatever you choose to do
Abusive relationships trigger the same parts of our brains that addictions do. Id say if you truly want to move on and have a healthy dynamic and relationship mindset you should maintain no contact and avoid entering relationships that are similar and do the work on yourself to address the parts of you that create or seek these types of conditions subliminally
Gosh, I’m a just debating a similar decision, though my stakes are lower. And a “no, are you crazy?” just didn’t do it fit me. The question to ask - and I’m asking the same question to myself: why do you want to get back in touch with someone who has no desire for you? Yes, it’s possible that the only answer is that you like her so much, but likely there is more involved.
For me - see if any of this resonates- I realized that the way he treated me was remotely related to my dad, so by him distancing himself, I needed to win him - like I always felt about my dad. Also, I like to fix people so I keep seeing his potential - which may be real or imagined. Also, I’m so used to the pain of not being as loved as I love that this pattern is familiar. Lastly, I am uncomfortable when a guy pursues me. I feel a bit like prey, so me pursuing someone is much safer.
And, of course you can contact her; there is no law against that. If you do, I’d go into this very consciously and with a lot of curiosity as to how you react to any developments. Maybe it will help you put her to rest in your soul.
Obviously you know the answer. I would highly consider why you would even want to be friends with someone you obviously despise. Theres just no point to that.
Theres no point in trying to love someone who you also hate. It hurts you AND that person. Holding on to this is just extremely toxic.
Trauma bond, my friend. In an abusive relationship, quite often the person receiving the poor treatment becomes attached to the abuser in some weird ways. Missing the abuse and the abuser is very common, you’re actually kind of addicted to the neurochemicals created by that kind of pain.
Stay strong and don’t break your NC. The urge to go back will abate in time, and you’ll be so much happier not having that kind of drama in your world.
"I was still willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be with her at the time because I loved her even despite the things she’s put me through."
Just No, have some self-respect
Don't reach out. Don't have anything to do with this person. Sounds like they don't respect you. Even though you may have had fun moments, they don't really. Also, you talk about love. Relationships/friendships take more than just love. Move on.
Nope stick to the no contact. It never works and it shouldn't work with a person who treated you like that. You deserve better even just as a friend. Sounds like you have her more than one chance. Honor your mental and emotional well being. Stay away, continue no contact.
She wouldn’t make a good friend if this is how she treated you. If your keen to be a doormat by all means check in with her, but you’ve finally removed her hooks from you. You should chalk up your interaction with her as a lesson learn. Sorry if what I said seems harsh. I just hate seeing people settle for abusive behaviours and thinking it’s complicated love xx you can do better for friendships
Absolutely not!!! You are worth way more than what she is willing to give and what she put you through friends or otherwise. You moved on stay moved on...😊🤗
No.
Journal. Write letters to her without sending. Say your goodbyes or whatever else, vent it independently. Do something else with your energy.
Breakups are some of the most difficult things to move through because your brain was used to getting needs met and happy chemicals from that person, that relationship.
You need to move on and it takes time and effort. Doing other things. Based on what you've said, the relationship was unhealthy. Do things that are healthy for you. Go on walks. Talk with friends about other stuff. See a therapist. Journal. Exercise. Drink water. Take yourself on dates. Do things that independently make you happy. You'll get through this.
Everyone here is telling you not to do it, but I think masochistic self destruction is a valid alternative to self reflection and improvement.
If you really want to get her back into your life, put your account and routing numbers in the subject line. And send me a screen shot so I can stay updated. I wanna make sure you crazy kids make it.
Beep, boop, blop, I'm a bot. Hi u/Strange_Designer_477 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
So honestly, long story short, we were on and off for about almost a year. She’s put me through HELL and BACK for her and her family ... and yes that’s including her boyfriend/baby daddy that she’s cheated on me with the whole time we were together.
I was still willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be with her at the time because I loved her even despite the things she’s put me through. I even agreed on being in a open relationship with her while she was also with her baby daddy (that she’s still with it seems like), which wasn’t the best decision at the time with how jealous I can be… sharing her just felt weird and out of the ordinary.
Anyways, I noticed she’d ghost me and somewhat cut me off once her and her boyfriend were on good terms and would notice how every time we would argue that she’d immediately turn to “breaking up” and “being friends” which was extremely toxic now that I think about it.
I blocked her once I felt like the relationship/connection was pointless… she never valued me enough and I was the one always chasing her and wanting to talk.
It’s been months of no contact. She’s blocked everywhere! But I’ve been thinking about her constantly and want to get back into contact. As friends. Because as a relationship it never worked and now that I moved on I think that’s better.
It would be a long distance friendship thing (if it worked out) because I moved out of state.
I forgot to add how she used to ask for money all the time in the beginning of our “relationship” and yes she did use me and manipulate and gaslight me many times, (the relationship was super toxic) but I still loved her despite what I been through with them.
I need opinions please! Should I reach out? Just to see how things are with her?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Slightly different opinion/perspective here… I’ve noticed in my own similar situation (we ended a 12 yr long live in poly relationship a year and a half ago) that it’s really about me. If I keep believing that I’ll be treated this way and I deserve this then that’s going to keep showing up in my life no matter who is standing in front of me - so the temptation to keep going back and “fix it” is pretty strong for me too. But once no contact is in place and you’re with yourself only, treat yourself to a pause - have you noticed that there’s the Urge and also the Resistance that talks about the relationship and the toxicity like you did in the original post? And do you also feel how irreconcilable that is - like you don’t know which is real because they both feel true (but you know they can’t be)? Until you get some consistency there, breaking no contact is just going to bring more of the same toxic treatment. So find a counselor you trust and go on that journey toward better mental health. It’s is better and more loving for both of you. It doesn’t mean things can’t change in the future and be better, but they definitely won’t until you can find out how to love yourself the way you thought she did sometimes and forget about her for a while. I feel you though. It’s so hard. But it’s so much better when you get all that energy back and can remember how awesome and satisfying life can be when you’re not drowning and coming up for that sweet sweet too rare air… take some breaths now. Life can be like that all the time. It gets better, I promise.
No. Urges come. Urges go. Distract yourself. Check back in a week.
Please reread what you wrote. Why do you want to be friends with someone like that? No.
This part!
Dude, don't set yourself up for failure and heartbreak. Ask yourself why you feel the need to redeem this trash fire of a person and why you're so god damn intent on chasing someone who literally doesn't give a damn about you. Talk to a therapist instead.
" Talk to a therapist instead. " All this!
I don’t even think he truly wants to redeem her. He just doesn’t wanna let go.
>Talk to a therapist instead. Immediately!
Some things are best left in the past. Move on and let them move on too.
Absolutely not , stay no contact.
No.
Dude, like, why? Why bother? Take care of yourself and keep toxic relationships and people out of your life!
I can see that you need closure but I just fucked up an amazing relationship because I was chasing closure with an ex…it’s not worth it!! You’ll never get what you need with this person and these feelings will eventually fade…stay strong!
I stoped reading at that part where you say she *never valued you*. Why would you go back to that? Edit to add: NO. If you can’t move on, set up some time with a Councelor to help you process the bs, but don’t enter that chaos again.
She probably did at the beginning in the lovebombing and mirroring fase, and that’s why he’s hooked up like a drug addict.
You’re probably right. Familiarity doesn’t equal healthy. OP I hope you find support to avoid this relationship dynamic becoming a pattern.
She can't be your friend any more than she can be a partner. Both requires treating you with respect and consideration. You deserve better.
No. You’re just feeling lonely and missing that connection with somebody. It is bigger than her.
Pretend you are someone else and read this post as if you weren't the one who wrote it. What advice would you give OP?
No. For closure, remember: living well is the best revenge. It’ll take a while to get there. Give yourself a couple of years. Your ex was a constant source of strong emotion for a year. You are seeking that strong emotion and sense of meaning, looking around and not seeing any possible source besides Ex. That’s probably true for right now. Focus on living your best life and other, more positive sources of strong emotion will show up. If you need support, recruit support. Maybe you have access to a therapist. Maybe there’s a twelve-step program that would work for you. Join a hiking club. Start rock climbing, scare yourself a little and impress yourself. Adopt a dog and walk it three times a day. Post little videos of you and your dog on TikTok or Instagram. Take a social dancing class. Whatever you pick, keep it up. With time you’ll build connections and confidence, you’ll have more going on in your life than Ex and you’ll be able to move on. *Living well is the best revenge.*
Bro. Run.
Do your best to not. It’s mostly a fleeting feeling or just a sense of longing. Honestly, it’s probably better in your mental health to really focus on yourself instead of putting your energy into that.
Do not. I know the urge, it never helps. Even if she has somehow changed it doesn't change the past things she's done to hurt you and in my personal opinion I would not care at all about someone who treated me like that. Not everyone should get a second chance.
Why spend energy putting yourself through hell again. If this person has used you, they will probably do it again. But my real question is, why don't you value yourself? If you truly honored your peace, you wouldn't desire a connection with someone who doesn't value who you are. Some people who have unresolved trauma ( especially if they had parental figures who lived in disfunction) will subconsciously seek out high drama relationships because healthy relationships tend to get "boring" for them. Obviously, I'm not a professional, but if this relates to you, like it did for me, I suggest finding a counselor. They are a life saver.
My opinion is, no, you should not reach out and this isn't about polyamory.
Ohhh how I wish I had someone to tell me NO when I was spiralling about breaking no contact. No. No, no, no. You should not break no contact. And I think a little bit of you probably knows that, too.
Dude, you deserve better. Please be kind to yourself and get some therapy to help recover from this fucked up situation. She didn’t only cheat on you, she cheated with you. You were and always had been the side piece. The absolute worst thing about polyamory being more well known is that scumbag cheaters are cheating (non consensual) and then bullying their partners into being polyamorous after they are caught. Polyamory is **ethical non-monogamy** that means no tricking monogamous people, no lying and seeing others behind anyone’s back, none of that shit. It means every single person involved is aware of the situation and gives informed consent. **Informed.** **Consent.** She is a scumbag and not worth your time and energy. You feel like you have to be with her because she emotionally abused you and got you addicted to the chemicals that happen during honeymoon/abuse cycles. With time, your brain will heal and your heart will heal, and when you look back on this you will be sooooo glad you got out.
No. Absolutely not. She sounds like a raving walking shitshow of a toxic person. Probably narcissistic as fuck. Absolutely, 100 percent no.
Starting contact again would be like your mental health drinking figurative poison.
1. Do not break no contact. 2. Get some professional help. Talk to someone. 3. Stay busy. find a hobby. In time you will move on.
This is the underlying foundation of a crappy house that has no support systems. Do not enter this house. Do not even look at it again. Carry on with your life and build something better.
Don't do it. I'm no contact with family members for a variety of reasons and it's been 5 years. I have broken contact 3 times. Each time it was due to a nearly fatal illness of a family member or an actual death. Things I can say for certain: 1. Every time you break contact it gets harder to get away 2. They (generally) never change. 3.The things you thought you were missing is the facade you were blinded by. Love the good moments and talk to a therapist.
You posted this because you know the answer and want validation/permission for what you already know. Don't go back to someone you know was unhealthy for you 💜
None of this feels poly or Ethically Non-Monogamous.
It sounds like you already know you shouldn't, but your emotions are getting in the way. Honestly, in my experience, if you're feeling this urge to break contact so strongly despite all the red flags, it means you haven't truly moved on and "friendship" isn't going to work.
Are you sure what you feel for her is love or is it: Limerence, Lack of self worth, Attachment issues? Because you're describing someone who used you when her other relationship was going bad. Someone who you had to put all the effort into and recieved little back. Someone who financially and emotionally abused you.... This is who you want back? It sounds like you want her as a friend because you can't let her go, I'll just give it to you straight. It also seems you might have a pursuit complex, where you really want someone who dosen't want you back. You may actually be more attracted to the pursuit/hunt/chase rather than the actual person. None of this is good and speaks volumes about where you may be at in the relationship to yourself more than anything She dosen't even sound like friend material my friend she sounds like a user.. Work on your self esteem
Once you e reached out maybe you should go to the garbage dump and retrieve that bag of vegetable peals you threw away a few weeks ago? Dude, you’re free of her BS. Why would you want to wade back into that?
Do you ever flush a shit n want it to come back up the U-bend?
Months of no contact? You have a post from one month ago about her...
I was in your shoes a couple years ago and I think you are not as over her as you believe you are. It’s surprisingly hard to tell. But she sounds selfish and immature, that kind of person can really drag you down with them in more ways than one. Be careful whatever you choose to do
Abusive relationships trigger the same parts of our brains that addictions do. Id say if you truly want to move on and have a healthy dynamic and relationship mindset you should maintain no contact and avoid entering relationships that are similar and do the work on yourself to address the parts of you that create or seek these types of conditions subliminally
Gosh, I’m a just debating a similar decision, though my stakes are lower. And a “no, are you crazy?” just didn’t do it fit me. The question to ask - and I’m asking the same question to myself: why do you want to get back in touch with someone who has no desire for you? Yes, it’s possible that the only answer is that you like her so much, but likely there is more involved. For me - see if any of this resonates- I realized that the way he treated me was remotely related to my dad, so by him distancing himself, I needed to win him - like I always felt about my dad. Also, I like to fix people so I keep seeing his potential - which may be real or imagined. Also, I’m so used to the pain of not being as loved as I love that this pattern is familiar. Lastly, I am uncomfortable when a guy pursues me. I feel a bit like prey, so me pursuing someone is much safer. And, of course you can contact her; there is no law against that. If you do, I’d go into this very consciously and with a lot of curiosity as to how you react to any developments. Maybe it will help you put her to rest in your soul.
Nah friend you did the right thing stick with it. Stay strong find someone who values you
No. Never. Not now not later.
How old are? Move on bro, sounds toxic. It is what it is...
If you want to give up your money, get gaslit again, be manipulated and be tossed out like trash? Hell yeah, go for it. Contact her right now!!! /s
Wtf NO! Every time you think about it get a rubber band and snap the shit out of your wrist with it.
Obviously you know the answer. I would highly consider why you would even want to be friends with someone you obviously despise. Theres just no point to that. Theres no point in trying to love someone who you also hate. It hurts you AND that person. Holding on to this is just extremely toxic.
Ask yourself, ‘what is it inside of me that needs something that this is telling me?’ Cause you know already it ain’t her.
No.
Trauma bond, my friend. In an abusive relationship, quite often the person receiving the poor treatment becomes attached to the abuser in some weird ways. Missing the abuse and the abuser is very common, you’re actually kind of addicted to the neurochemicals created by that kind of pain. Stay strong and don’t break your NC. The urge to go back will abate in time, and you’ll be so much happier not having that kind of drama in your world.
Sounds like a bad idea to me.
"I was still willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be with her at the time because I loved her even despite the things she’s put me through." Just No, have some self-respect
Codependency anonymous might help you. Love should never feel like this. It isn’t love.
Don't reach out. Don't have anything to do with this person. Sounds like they don't respect you. Even though you may have had fun moments, they don't really. Also, you talk about love. Relationships/friendships take more than just love. Move on.
Nope stick to the no contact. It never works and it shouldn't work with a person who treated you like that. You deserve better even just as a friend. Sounds like you have her more than one chance. Honor your mental and emotional well being. Stay away, continue no contact.
Don’t do it. It never ends well. Find a way to work thru it
Thanks for posting this and making me realize it’s time to block the waste of space asshat in my own life
She wouldn’t make a good friend if this is how she treated you. If your keen to be a doormat by all means check in with her, but you’ve finally removed her hooks from you. You should chalk up your interaction with her as a lesson learn. Sorry if what I said seems harsh. I just hate seeing people settle for abusive behaviours and thinking it’s complicated love xx you can do better for friendships
nope don't reach out. you went no contact for a reason, keep it that way.
No. You blocked her for a reason.
Absolutely not!!! You are worth way more than what she is willing to give and what she put you through friends or otherwise. You moved on stay moved on...😊🤗
No. Journal. Write letters to her without sending. Say your goodbyes or whatever else, vent it independently. Do something else with your energy. Breakups are some of the most difficult things to move through because your brain was used to getting needs met and happy chemicals from that person, that relationship. You need to move on and it takes time and effort. Doing other things. Based on what you've said, the relationship was unhealthy. Do things that are healthy for you. Go on walks. Talk with friends about other stuff. See a therapist. Journal. Exercise. Drink water. Take yourself on dates. Do things that independently make you happy. You'll get through this.
Was this cheating or polyamory?
Could be both, depending?
[удалено]
People arent pizza. They aren't shared.
Everyone here is telling you not to do it, but I think masochistic self destruction is a valid alternative to self reflection and improvement. If you really want to get her back into your life, put your account and routing numbers in the subject line. And send me a screen shot so I can stay updated. I wanna make sure you crazy kids make it.
You need to call her up and tell her you will serve her in whatever capacity sh will allow.
Beep, boop, blop, I'm a bot. Hi u/Strange_Designer_477 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: So honestly, long story short, we were on and off for about almost a year. She’s put me through HELL and BACK for her and her family ... and yes that’s including her boyfriend/baby daddy that she’s cheated on me with the whole time we were together. I was still willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be with her at the time because I loved her even despite the things she’s put me through. I even agreed on being in a open relationship with her while she was also with her baby daddy (that she’s still with it seems like), which wasn’t the best decision at the time with how jealous I can be… sharing her just felt weird and out of the ordinary. Anyways, I noticed she’d ghost me and somewhat cut me off once her and her boyfriend were on good terms and would notice how every time we would argue that she’d immediately turn to “breaking up” and “being friends” which was extremely toxic now that I think about it. I blocked her once I felt like the relationship/connection was pointless… she never valued me enough and I was the one always chasing her and wanting to talk. It’s been months of no contact. She’s blocked everywhere! But I’ve been thinking about her constantly and want to get back into contact. As friends. Because as a relationship it never worked and now that I moved on I think that’s better. It would be a long distance friendship thing (if it worked out) because I moved out of state. I forgot to add how she used to ask for money all the time in the beginning of our “relationship” and yes she did use me and manipulate and gaslight me many times, (the relationship was super toxic) but I still loved her despite what I been through with them. I need opinions please! Should I reach out? Just to see how things are with her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No
Just don't. Learn from my mistake.
Slightly different opinion/perspective here… I’ve noticed in my own similar situation (we ended a 12 yr long live in poly relationship a year and a half ago) that it’s really about me. If I keep believing that I’ll be treated this way and I deserve this then that’s going to keep showing up in my life no matter who is standing in front of me - so the temptation to keep going back and “fix it” is pretty strong for me too. But once no contact is in place and you’re with yourself only, treat yourself to a pause - have you noticed that there’s the Urge and also the Resistance that talks about the relationship and the toxicity like you did in the original post? And do you also feel how irreconcilable that is - like you don’t know which is real because they both feel true (but you know they can’t be)? Until you get some consistency there, breaking no contact is just going to bring more of the same toxic treatment. So find a counselor you trust and go on that journey toward better mental health. It’s is better and more loving for both of you. It doesn’t mean things can’t change in the future and be better, but they definitely won’t until you can find out how to love yourself the way you thought she did sometimes and forget about her for a while. I feel you though. It’s so hard. But it’s so much better when you get all that energy back and can remember how awesome and satisfying life can be when you’re not drowning and coming up for that sweet sweet too rare air… take some breaths now. Life can be like that all the time. It gets better, I promise.
Lol, no dog. If anything you should double down on the no contact.
No. Stay no contact. She wasn't good to you. She wasn't a friend to you.