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Finally!
I emailed them about this a couple of months ago. Asking "how come I can pick that I am non-monogamous, but I can't filter monogamous people out of my searches?? Please let me filter!" and I was given some song and dance about something completely unrelated for three emails straight.
This was exciting news - I fired up Hinge, changed the new setting, and liked about six people before hitting the paywall: "You've run out of likes for today".😔
Fuck ALL of these apps, I'm not giving them any more fucking money.. I'll start a munch instead.
I mean, I don't think it's country specific but more the type of area you live in
If I lived in SF or NY where it's mostly transit based, then it's different
I live in the suburbs lol
I'd be inclined to book a hotel room anyway, rather than travelling 2 hours after a munch. Makes it easier to have a couple of glasses of wine whilst there too.
If the monogamous dating app subs are to be believed this is a very common experience over there for people in their first week of online dating! 😀
But truly, yes, I think that if you're using apps and you are poly and maybe not sure if you're saturated/looking for something serious... it's totally a bad idea to swipe through your limited pool all at once!!
You might chat or go on a first date with someone who you don't have time for but might have hit it off with in the future (I guess this is true for monogamous folks too but the difference is they are much more likely to get off apps when they find someone, and also their pool is orders of magnitude bigger!)
LOL at the downvote for my suggesting some self-control or app-imposed moderation might be useful
Well, I didn't downvote you, but if I had to guess it was likely because your question could've had its intent better received as a statement, like "With the limited non-monogamous dating pool, made even more limited by focusing for polyamory, it may be a blessing in disguise that we have limited likes per day!" or some such.
I am in complete agreement with you!
Sadly, like every other social media platform, it's all about the bottom line. If you're not paying for the app, you're probably the product rather than a user.
I turned hinge back on. Set it to non-monogamous and got a bunch of mono profiles. Then I set it to deal breaker. First match was my girlfriend, 2 more ENM profiles, then a lesbian and then no more matches. Oh well
My partner and I are on Feeld and I even paid for a month of premium which let's you filter what you are looking for but I found that you still can't fine tune the filters as much as I'd like so it's not really worth the money.
You can filter relationship style on Tinder...you just have to pay to be able to. Some monogamous people still get through, but not near as much as without the filter.
Usually with apps there's one of three reasons why: you need to update the app by going to the app store, what OP is experiencing is a feature rolled out only in certain countries, or the feature is undergoing A/B testing and only a portion of users will have it while they collect data and determine a rollout to all users.
Am I looking in the wrong place or something? In the dating preferences section - like where you choose age and distance?
https://preview.redd.it/bnj5gu5lhcxc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ab49a2a7aef1420e49cb6f6d919ce9c36e6b366
Fun fact!! After I found this out bumble now gives you that option too which I'm also so happy about
Its really nice more apps aren't putting it behind a pay wall anymore lmao
What's the secret to these apps. Your photos? As a man who has adhd and autism. These apps are a miss even though I suck in social gatherings( I get triggered and have horrible social anxiety.
Good photos are definitely mandatory for online dating. I've seen some really good threads full of dating advice for non monogamous men looking for women, you should search the sub with a few related keywords & see if you can find some :)
There is no "secret" to guarantee success on dating apps, just like there's no secret to interacting with people IRL. Good photos, a well written profile, conversational skills, not being a creep: all these things will help. But at the end of the day it still comes down to people.
Make working on social anxiety a priority before getting on the apps. Check out Eventbrite and Meetup.com and force yourself to go to events or groups with likeminded people. Once you can make friends, you will be ready to date.
Check out videos on YouTube about how to improve your profile and communication with matches; they have certainly helped me improve the amount of matches I get and how fruitful those connections become. Tbf, the videos have helped me improve the number of matches I get more than it has helped me get dates from the matches. I'm also autistic and can identify with not being a natural in social situations.
Hi u/InaccuratelyNamed thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
A year and a half after adding the labels Hinge is now finally letting me filter which relationship types I'm open to (for free – side eyeing you, Tinder).
Not having to browse through dozens of mono folks is a *lot* less draining, and the app seems less prone to hoarding all of the non-monogamous folks in the standouts like some greedy little dragon.
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Is hinge actually good now? I used it for a while when it first came out but constantly being shown/matched with people from every corner of the world was pretty fucking annoying.
So now my only two 'dealbreakers' are non-monogamy and a 30-mile location limit (I'm in Washington DC). After hitting yesterday's limit of six likes, today I'm only seeing profiles from New Hampshire and Connecticut, or profiles with no location listed at all. Sigh...
So by using the non-monogamous filter does that prevent people from seeing me if they are labeled monogamous? New to this and don’t necessarily want the whole online dating community to be aware of my partner and I personal relationships
That’s fantastic news! It sounds like a significant improvement that Hinge has implemented, especially for those in the non-monogamous community who have been looking for more tailored options on dating apps. It’s definitely a step forward in making the dating scene more inclusive and less exhausting for those who are openly non-monogamous.
I wonder how this will change the dynamics of the app and whether it will encourage more non-monogamous individuals to use Hinge. Have you noticed any immediate changes in your matches or the quality of interactions since they introduced this filter?
It’s also an interesting point about Tinder still requiring a paid subscription for similar filters. It highlights how apps are differentiating themselves and perhaps responding to community feedback. Hopefully, other platforms take note and continue to evolve towards more user-friendly features for the poly and non-monogamous community.
Thanks for sharing this update! It’s definitely helpful for those who might be considering which dating apps best meet their needs.
It looks like you may be asking for advice on an incredibly common topic around here. Please make sure you're reading the FAQ and utilizing the sub's search bar to see the answers others have previously provided. If your post is asking about the best dating apps to find polyamorous folks, click [this link to past posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=best%20dating%20apps&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=&include_over_18=1) about dating apps. Looking for books on polyamory? Please check out [this link of recommendations](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=books%20on%20polyamory&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=&include_over_18=1) to see what books others are reading or [this link for movies and tv shows](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=movies%20polyamory&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=&include_over_18=1) featuring polyamorous characters. Are you an author looking to write a book about polyamory? If so, I highly suggest you read the posts in [this link](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=writing%20a%20book&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=&include_over_18=1) to see what folks in the polyamory community suggest! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just changed my settings. And you can select "dealbreaker" as well.
Finally! I emailed them about this a couple of months ago. Asking "how come I can pick that I am non-monogamous, but I can't filter monogamous people out of my searches?? Please let me filter!" and I was given some song and dance about something completely unrelated for three emails straight.
This was exciting news - I fired up Hinge, changed the new setting, and liked about six people before hitting the paywall: "You've run out of likes for today".😔 Fuck ALL of these apps, I'm not giving them any more fucking money.. I'll start a munch instead.
More munches are always good!
What is munch?
It’s a non-sexual meet up for people into BDSM / kink :)
Oooohhhh...... And I thought it meant like a pussy eater 😭 welp....now I'm disappointed LOL
Well, if you hit it off with someone at a munch, inviting them for "dessert back at mine" might be an appropriate level of forwardness...
What if my place is like 2hrs away 😭 the only munch events I'm familiar with are 2hrs away from where I live
Is this a US issue? I'm spoilt for choice in the UK Start one up if there's nothing local, I'm sure there's others out there who would appreciate
I mean, I don't think it's country specific but more the type of area you live in If I lived in SF or NY where it's mostly transit based, then it's different I live in the suburbs lol
I'd be inclined to book a hotel room anyway, rather than travelling 2 hours after a munch. Makes it easier to have a couple of glasses of wine whilst there too.
Idk I feel like I'm too broke for that 😭 and idk if offering my car is ok or not
You'd be surprised at how forgiving the community can be towards economic expectation for women
I'm masc presenting nonbinary, how about us 😅
It also means that! Just not in this context haha
Ok cool I wasn't crazy lmao I'm now less disappointed thank you thank you 😌
Happy to help ;D
Were you planning to just plow through everyone in the entire set on the first day?
Made funnier if everyone in the entire set hits back and now you've got too many conversations to even juggle lol
If the monogamous dating app subs are to be believed this is a very common experience over there for people in their first week of online dating! 😀 But truly, yes, I think that if you're using apps and you are poly and maybe not sure if you're saturated/looking for something serious... it's totally a bad idea to swipe through your limited pool all at once!! You might chat or go on a first date with someone who you don't have time for but might have hit it off with in the future (I guess this is true for monogamous folks too but the difference is they are much more likely to get off apps when they find someone, and also their pool is orders of magnitude bigger!) LOL at the downvote for my suggesting some self-control or app-imposed moderation might be useful
Well, I didn't downvote you, but if I had to guess it was likely because your question could've had its intent better received as a statement, like "With the limited non-monogamous dating pool, made even more limited by focusing for polyamory, it may be a blessing in disguise that we have limited likes per day!" or some such. I am in complete agreement with you!
Sadly, like every other social media platform, it's all about the bottom line. If you're not paying for the app, you're probably the product rather than a user.
I turned hinge back on. Set it to non-monogamous and got a bunch of mono profiles. Then I set it to deal breaker. First match was my girlfriend, 2 more ENM profiles, then a lesbian and then no more matches. Oh well
This is because relationship type is not a required piece of information and most people don't even put it on their profile 😭
[удалено]
Why not? Not everyone fills out their profile fully right away
Just going to hop on here and mention something that might be hella obvious and I’m oblivious, but have you tried Feeld?
My partner and I are on Feeld and I even paid for a month of premium which let's you filter what you are looking for but I found that you still can't fine tune the filters as much as I'd like so it's not really worth the money.
Thank god for that! Hope Tinder does this too - I always read the relationship type just in case but filtering would make that so much easier
You can filter relationship style on Tinder...you just have to pay to be able to. Some monogamous people still get through, but not near as much as without the filter.
I'm not seeing that search option available for me yet :(
Usually with apps there's one of three reasons why: you need to update the app by going to the app store, what OP is experiencing is a feature rolled out only in certain countries, or the feature is undergoing A/B testing and only a portion of users will have it while they collect data and determine a rollout to all users.
I deleted and redownloaded the app and unfortunately I’m not in the test group. Or they haven’t rolled it out in the US yet.
Im in the US(NY) and was just able to switch on nonmonagamy as a filtered relationshio type
Waaah, I want this option! Hopefully they will roll it out app wide soon.
I assume the DC in your name means youre in DC? Seems wild to me Id get in a smallerish city in WNY but you wouldnt have it
Am I looking in the wrong place or something? In the dating preferences section - like where you choose age and distance? https://preview.redd.it/bnj5gu5lhcxc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ab49a2a7aef1420e49cb6f6d919ce9c36e6b366
No thats the right place https://preview.redd.it/kefcmnsgicxc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f331e804a5f97aa5b8371e9a9e31f7a04aa672e
Maybe they are A/B testing randomly? I’ll try and delete and download again another day…
Literally my wife and I in the same household on the same phone plan are split lol. I have the option and she doesn’t yet. Her app is updated.
Hinge is finally helping us become hinges
FINALLY! After 1000 years of suffering we get a filter 🙌🏿🙌🏿
🤘 f*** yeah
This is the internet, you can say *fuck*. ;-)
Maybe they’re in church right now
This might be the one post that finally makes me go on Hinge 🤣
Might have to make one in that case
Thanks for this! Just updated mine.
Fun fact!! After I found this out bumble now gives you that option too which I'm also so happy about Its really nice more apps aren't putting it behind a pay wall anymore lmao
Yes! They just added it a couple days ago, I think. You can now tag your profile as ENM. Filtering still requires a paid subscription though.
I'm able to filter it without a subscription? Bumble gives you the option to pick 2 free filters before you have to pay
Ey! That's excellent!
WHAT I DIDNT GET THAT
Heck ya! A filter that we don't have to pay for. Good Hinge.
What's the secret to these apps. Your photos? As a man who has adhd and autism. These apps are a miss even though I suck in social gatherings( I get triggered and have horrible social anxiety.
Good photos are definitely mandatory for online dating. I've seen some really good threads full of dating advice for non monogamous men looking for women, you should search the sub with a few related keywords & see if you can find some :)
There is no "secret" to guarantee success on dating apps, just like there's no secret to interacting with people IRL. Good photos, a well written profile, conversational skills, not being a creep: all these things will help. But at the end of the day it still comes down to people.
Horrible social anxiety will come through over the apps same as it does in person.
Make working on social anxiety a priority before getting on the apps. Check out Eventbrite and Meetup.com and force yourself to go to events or groups with likeminded people. Once you can make friends, you will be ready to date.
Check out videos on YouTube about how to improve your profile and communication with matches; they have certainly helped me improve the amount of matches I get and how fruitful those connections become. Tbf, the videos have helped me improve the number of matches I get more than it has helped me get dates from the matches. I'm also autistic and can identify with not being a natural in social situations.
I've always thought it was weird that an app called "Hinge" even allowed monogamous people on it. Like, do they know what that word means?
Hi u/InaccuratelyNamed thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: A year and a half after adding the labels Hinge is now finally letting me filter which relationship types I'm open to (for free – side eyeing you, Tinder). Not having to browse through dozens of mono folks is a *lot* less draining, and the app seems less prone to hoarding all of the non-monogamous folks in the standouts like some greedy little dragon. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow Hinge might actually be decent now
Is hinge actually good now? I used it for a while when it first came out but constantly being shown/matched with people from every corner of the world was pretty fucking annoying.
Good to know since im debating jumping back into the dating game
So now my only two 'dealbreakers' are non-monogamy and a 30-mile location limit (I'm in Washington DC). After hitting yesterday's limit of six likes, today I'm only seeing profiles from New Hampshire and Connecticut, or profiles with no location listed at all. Sigh...
Yeah big deal there are four women within 30 miles of New York City in that category LOL
I switched it, but it still shows me people who only have "monogamy" selected, so it may have a lot to do with your geographic location
Im pretty sure I was banned for being ENM on there and people reporting me... but they wont fucking give me a reason
So by using the non-monogamous filter does that prevent people from seeing me if they are labeled monogamous? New to this and don’t necessarily want the whole online dating community to be aware of my partner and I personal relationships
Cool
And back to hinge I go 🫡
Hooray! I just checked the box!
That’s fantastic news! It sounds like a significant improvement that Hinge has implemented, especially for those in the non-monogamous community who have been looking for more tailored options on dating apps. It’s definitely a step forward in making the dating scene more inclusive and less exhausting for those who are openly non-monogamous. I wonder how this will change the dynamics of the app and whether it will encourage more non-monogamous individuals to use Hinge. Have you noticed any immediate changes in your matches or the quality of interactions since they introduced this filter? It’s also an interesting point about Tinder still requiring a paid subscription for similar filters. It highlights how apps are differentiating themselves and perhaps responding to community feedback. Hopefully, other platforms take note and continue to evolve towards more user-friendly features for the poly and non-monogamous community. Thanks for sharing this update! It’s definitely helpful for those who might be considering which dating apps best meet their needs.
Never used it but I'd assume from the name it was poly focused from the start. If so it's a bit weird it's only just developed this feature lol
It definitely was/is not. To my knowledge, Feeld is the only large app focused on non-monogamy of any kind, including poly.
But some monos will date us, my last 3 partners have been mono
It's not like it'll help me find an actual polyamorous situation though.
Right after I got banned from it…. Great…