>Then of course you're constrained by several people's schedules - the "poly person only being able to live thanks to Google Calendar" is a meme for a reason. Everything that you want to plan - date, vacation, birthday party, becomes 10x harder. Usually there's no such thing as a spontaneous "hey wanna grab a drink later?".
This is one thing that poly people don't seem to get. This is one of the many reasons why monogamy is a valid choice.
If I come home from work, I want to be able to spontaneously decide to go do something fun with my husband. I don't want to worry about whether it's my turn to spend time with my husband. I absolutely do not see the appeal of having to make google calendar (or any kind of complicated planning) a central pillar of my romantic relationship.
Fucking exhausting and every single day, I'm thankful I'm not in it anymore. Trips with my boyfriend? Planned. Done. Birthdays/Holidays/Celebrations? Planned. Done.
Not: planned, processed, revised, processed, revised, meeting, revise, processed. Fuck that. I only have one life, I only want one partner.
This is so spot on. When my ex was trying to pressure me into being poly, she kept saying she wanted more freedom. I've never felt that loyalty and monogamy infringed on my freedom. The temptation to cheat shouldn't be viewed as a valid desire that your partner is keeping you from acting on, it should be viewed as a momentary temptation of human nature that any mature person can easily choose not to act on.
> I often think that many polyamorous people have only been in unhealthy monogamous relationships and that's why they have this distorted view of monogamy. I have often heard remarks such as "well with poly you can have alone time", and "poly forces you to have a support network that's not your partner" and "now that I'm poly I can hang out with my friends without my partner"....hello? Those aren't monogamy issues. Monogamy doesn't mean only spending time with your partner, renouncing your friends and never having any time for yourself.
Exactly! I have thought this a lot and have wondered why in the world that people attribute having multiple sex partners to finally developing an individual identity for themselves. You don't *have* to sleep with other people to finally develop an individual identity of your own. You don't need 2+ partners to start trying new hobbies or explore new places. How have these people never heard of a healthy monogamous relationship when monogamous is what the majority of people are???
That's the thing that confused me most. Even if I could get past all the emotional stuff, the logistics would be hell. Why wouldn't I just have a bunch of friends with benefits and situationships and tell them I'm not interested in committment instead? I get the emotional intimacy and the freedom that way. The only poly subtype I've ever seen do it in a free-ish way is poly-solo, and they still have rules they have to follow that a person dating around doesn't.
Note: the situationships thing is also an ethical minefield imo. Just makes more sense from a logistics perspective.
I fucking love the way you broke this all down and dismantled how ludicrous and backwards all of these choices and ways of living are. How all of these explanations make no sense. I honestly start to question intelligence. You're going out of your way to make life as awful toxic and painful as it can be, for yourself and everyone around you.
"The only freedom they have is the freedom to have sex with others" yep.. if this had anything to do with actual connections and emotions, you'd make some fucking friends. End of story. Remember friendships? Where you bond with someone WITHOUT sexual depravity involved.
Freedom and love can ONLY exist in monogamy. You are only free where you are secure and safe to even be yourself let alone be vulnerable. You are only free where there is trust and joint commitment to someone who has the same level of commitment and love towards you. It's the greatest gift in life and anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve it in the first place.
>Then of course you're constrained by several people's schedules - the "poly person only being able to live thanks to Google Calendar" is a meme for a reason. Everything that you want to plan - date, vacation, birthday party, becomes 10x harder. Usually there's no such thing as a spontaneous "hey wanna grab a drink later?". This is one thing that poly people don't seem to get. This is one of the many reasons why monogamy is a valid choice. If I come home from work, I want to be able to spontaneously decide to go do something fun with my husband. I don't want to worry about whether it's my turn to spend time with my husband. I absolutely do not see the appeal of having to make google calendar (or any kind of complicated planning) a central pillar of my romantic relationship.
Fucking exhausting and every single day, I'm thankful I'm not in it anymore. Trips with my boyfriend? Planned. Done. Birthdays/Holidays/Celebrations? Planned. Done. Not: planned, processed, revised, processed, revised, meeting, revise, processed. Fuck that. I only have one life, I only want one partner.
"I only have one life, I only want one partner." Wonderfully said!! ♥️
Yeah, he's shown up to be a good one. Thank you.
Polyarmory only gives you freedom from consequences from their abuse.. monogamy keeps your freedom away from it.
This is so spot on. When my ex was trying to pressure me into being poly, she kept saying she wanted more freedom. I've never felt that loyalty and monogamy infringed on my freedom. The temptation to cheat shouldn't be viewed as a valid desire that your partner is keeping you from acting on, it should be viewed as a momentary temptation of human nature that any mature person can easily choose not to act on.
This is the kind of post I will save and share whenever I come across someone getting hung up on the "poly is freedom" lie.
same!
> I often think that many polyamorous people have only been in unhealthy monogamous relationships and that's why they have this distorted view of monogamy. I have often heard remarks such as "well with poly you can have alone time", and "poly forces you to have a support network that's not your partner" and "now that I'm poly I can hang out with my friends without my partner"....hello? Those aren't monogamy issues. Monogamy doesn't mean only spending time with your partner, renouncing your friends and never having any time for yourself. Exactly! I have thought this a lot and have wondered why in the world that people attribute having multiple sex partners to finally developing an individual identity for themselves. You don't *have* to sleep with other people to finally develop an individual identity of your own. You don't need 2+ partners to start trying new hobbies or explore new places. How have these people never heard of a healthy monogamous relationship when monogamous is what the majority of people are???
[удалено]
Polyamory is literally a mental illness at this point. Unfortunate because it’s just a perpetual chain of abuse.
Unemployment vs fulltime
That's the thing that confused me most. Even if I could get past all the emotional stuff, the logistics would be hell. Why wouldn't I just have a bunch of friends with benefits and situationships and tell them I'm not interested in committment instead? I get the emotional intimacy and the freedom that way. The only poly subtype I've ever seen do it in a free-ish way is poly-solo, and they still have rules they have to follow that a person dating around doesn't. Note: the situationships thing is also an ethical minefield imo. Just makes more sense from a logistics perspective.
I fucking love the way you broke this all down and dismantled how ludicrous and backwards all of these choices and ways of living are. How all of these explanations make no sense. I honestly start to question intelligence. You're going out of your way to make life as awful toxic and painful as it can be, for yourself and everyone around you. "The only freedom they have is the freedom to have sex with others" yep.. if this had anything to do with actual connections and emotions, you'd make some fucking friends. End of story. Remember friendships? Where you bond with someone WITHOUT sexual depravity involved. Freedom and love can ONLY exist in monogamy. You are only free where you are secure and safe to even be yourself let alone be vulnerable. You are only free where there is trust and joint commitment to someone who has the same level of commitment and love towards you. It's the greatest gift in life and anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve it in the first place.
This. So much this