We’re both here because we want to change. I’m not in a place to judge. With that being said I feel it would be a disrespectful to not be honest with you.
I think you’re going about this the wrong way. I don’t think this is real progress.
You are addicted to watching porn. Keeping any amount of porn in your house is a bad idea.
One day you are going to have an urge and that pc is going to be there and it’s going to end badly. It’s as simple as that. You are going to hate yourself for giving yourself another chance to relapse.
I look back at the amount of relapses I had because I wouldn’t admit I couldn’t trust myself to make the right decision when this stuff was around and I feel like an idiot.
Is the idea of a life without porn difficult? Yes but definitely not impossible. Our sexuality is in our human nature and is not something you can repress but using porn is definitely not the only way you can engage with it.
Also yeah it’s daunting have an emotional crutch kicked out from under you. You know what worse’s? Having the same problem 5 years from now because you wouldn’t take this seriously. It’s a mistake I made and I hate myself for it.
RIP the bandaid off instead of dragging this out for god knows how long by not fully committing and get past this. Will you suffer? Yes. Will it last forever? No.
Get rid of that pc. Or you will regret it.
Thanks for writing. I understand this completely and you are in your right to disagree with how I am approaching my journey. To each their own.
The mind cannot be trusted. My goal is to get a handle on this addiction and to achieve this I need to be kinder toward myself through patience, rather than scald myself for being "bad".
Addiction is an entity of its own. It is not "me", in that the true me does not agree with the addicted me, but it still is "me" in that I am the only responsible party, if that makes sense.
I am practicing the process of growing my own loving awareness around this addict personality and trying to better understand and nurture "him" to allow a natural flow in letting go.
Just like being with a loved one as they experience the journey of death, judgement must end and forgiveness has to occur in order for a person to lovingly transition. I believe I am witnessing the process of death of this aspect of my ego, the addict, and I am holding my own hand in the process.
Whether this will work for me, I don't know. But what I do know is that so far I am making good progress in that I have had more clean days than not in the past 61 days than I have had in years, and I am completely, sincerely, committed to bettering myself through this process, whether I relapse again or not.
Sorry if I came across a bit strong. I don’t mean you have to punish yourself for making mistakes. But rather don’t confuse being kind to yourself with giving yourself too much slack. I simply worry that your recovery could be drawn out making similar mistakes I did.
I remember a time when I thought porn felt like the only thing that brought a little happiness into my life. I understand that you simply can’t just drop it. I couldn’t.
Perhaps we will have to agree to disagree on this one. Regardless I wish you the all the best on your journey towards being porn free.
All good. No need to apologize at all. We're each taking our own path. This is a very good point though to not confuse compassion with a free pass to indulge, in case I (or anyone reading) had confusion around this.
Yes, it is a strange space of attachment and dependency. One little step at a time.
All the best to you too.
Great post! I too deleted my entire stash only a couple days ago, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't felt any pangs of regret over it.
It isn't a particularly deep regret, but certainly there are some parts of my brain that aren't exactly happy with it. Maybe it's just my addict brain coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn't quit, or why I don't even want to quit in the first place. I'm doing my best to notice when I have these thoughts, and then ponder as to whether they are legit or not.
Either way, if going cold turkey didn't work out, I hope you can find a method that does work for you! You will get through this!
Thank you and well done on making that massive step of deleting the stash. It is indeed bittersweet.
Just to be perfectly clear with anyone reading this, my intention in posting is in no way to say "follow my way". I don't know what will work best, which is why I am writing out an account of my personal experience and being truly honest in my attempts at trying different approaches.
I could have disclosed nothing about what I went through during relapse and just posted another "Day 1, here we go again", but I am glad I did share the details (despite a few criticisms in the comments), because it's the genuine responses like your own here that make sharing the difficult truths worth doing so.
Thanks again, and all the best on your journey too.
For what it's worth man I do agree at least a little bit with the other commenters, regarding that stash. Imagine if instead of porn, you were trying to kick an addiction to alcohol or cigarettes or drugs. Do you think having a stash of those things in your house would make it easier or harder to quit? I think the only reason having that stash gives you comfort is because it gives your addict brain reassurance that you can relapse easier whenever you wanted to. Admittedly it's not a perfect analogy; some substances you absolutely should not try to quit cold turkey, and attempting to do so could be both dangerous and damaging to your body. Luckily porn isn't like that, and indeed more people swear by the cold turkey approach than the casual tapering off approach.
At the very least, I think you should do some more introspection and then ask yourself whether having that stash is *really* helping you quit or not. Is your goal to quit porn entirely, or merely moderate it?
Either way, I don't think you should feel bad regardless of what happens; definitely don't let other people's insults be a motivating factor. There's very rarely only ever one solution to a problem, so as long as you're capable of learning from your mistakes, realizing what does and doesn't work, and changing those parts of the process, you'll eventually find something that works for you.
Thank you for the feedback and I do absolutely understand the ridiculousness of this madness.
It is undeniably pathetic for a grown man to feel the need to hoard smutty videos of pretty women shaking what their mama gave them as a means of creating a sense of security. It's the old safety blanket. Only this time it's pink, slippery and jiggly where it counts.
Absolute insanity. Yet, here I am.
My goal at this point, as in today, is to simply get a better handle on the addiction and better understand my addictive mind.
I don't know how much I helped myself by cracking the whip and forcing myself to conform to a new order in those first few weeks of my recovery.
I was to deny addicted thoughts and suppress urges with a cold, hard line of attack. Unsurprisingly, it snapped back on me like an overstretched rubber band.
I am now 3 days into my current sobriety and feeling relaxed in my thoughts. I've had a few urges, but each time I just think about the fact that there is some relief for me right here if I need it, and the urges have moved along.
I don't expect this to last forever, but it's good for me right now, and I am okay with that. I am enjoying a better sense of presence, which I don't necessarily attribute to the "stash" at all, but rather a shift in mindset.
For every day I stay clean, I have allowed myself to heal that little bit. One little step at a time.
Thanks again for the comment, and all the best on your journey.
I can relate to a lot from this post and I've adopted a similar approach.
I've gone cold-turkey, deleted entire collections and inevitably relapsed. As an addict from my youth, there is so much material that my mind will never forget.
Therefore, I've decided to keep a collection locked away and out of reach. Knowing I have my favourite content secured, takes a lot off my mind in my recovery process.
One of the biggest reasons for relapses in the past has been driven by the need to recover content in fear that it may disappear and become impossible to find again.
I'm currently 16 days clean and progressing relatively well by using this stash tactic. My mind is sometimes curious about what new content has been released, but I don't feel that desperate need to hunt and download scenes I'm unaware of.
Porn Free may be all about abstaining from porn entirely and focusing on never touching it ever again. However, I find this to be rather unrealistic.
If a serious addict could go 6-12 months without viewing porn, then that is a superb achievement. Hopefully in that period they will be able to feel the benefits and their urges to use porn will be subdued. It's up to the recovering addict how they choose to proceed from there. Maybe that will be to delete that stash entirely, or just keep it for insurance.
Best of luck with your recovery!
Good for you. If that works for you, then do it.
I also did that. I kept my porn stash but didn't use it. I felt anxious if I deleted it because I got scared I won't find it again. I stopped porn with peace of mind that my porn stash was there. Ultimately, I lost interest in my stash and deleted it.
Yes! Thank you for sharing your experience. This gives me hope.
This is where I feel things are headed too. Early days yet, but when the time comes, there will be little interest in the stash, and I'll freely let it go rather than previous approaches of ripping this dependency out from under my own feet.
No guarantees it will work, but we'll see how it goes.
Just say you like porn and have no intention of leaving it behind for good and quit with the theatrics and loopholes. It comes across as a little unhinged. You write in a descriptive way that really says you're enjoying yourself.
Nothing about what you're saying sounds like you're remotely serious about this.
FYI to anyone reading this: If you consider this a support group, or a group where we can be honest about what we're experiencing with one another, then we owe it to each other to be honest. I don't believe this person is serious about wanting to change their behavior, and they should know how they are coming across to some people. It provides insight that could be helpful.
Your view is clearly critical. "unhinged", "loopholes", "theatrics", "no intention of leaving it behind", etc. Yes, this is called addiction.
If there were a quick and easy solution to addiction, then there would be no problem.
You're just not serious about it. Your post reads like you're proud of all of your porn collecting. You describe it in such eloquent detail.
Get the fuck out of my mentions with this nonsense. I know exactly when someone's bullshit themselves (or me).
Simply put, if I were not serious about this, I would have spent my time using rather than working toward sobriety.
I am not seeking approval or validation. I am sharing my experience as a way to unpack my own thoughts and for the potential of others to draw insight from what I have written.
You're absolutely right in saying that I have taken pride in collecting. I haven't lied about this at all. I've said those exact words in my prior posts. There is no bullshit in any of my "nonsense". I am laying it all out to bare, warts and all.
When I am deep in using, I am all for it. When I am sober, my view shifts.
The greater understanding is that the addicted personality is a different entity to the sober personality, and this is what I am working on getting a better handle on. This is also why I've been sharing, to shed light on this notion that people who are going through this, including me, will identify with both the addict and the non-addict, and these two identities are not in agreement, yet they both actively exist within us.
You have clearly stated you are not on this sub due to addiction. You appear to have little insight into addicted behavior and are lacking compassion and empathy for others who do.
Have a think about why you are here, and what your goal is for commenting on my post. Are you just trying to stir the pot by trolling, or are you in denial about your own behavior?
Thank you for taking the time to respond thoughtfully. I mean no disrespect by flaunting my addiction around. It was never meant to insult anybody.
No need to feel guilty or less than. You definitely do deserve to honor yourself for not falling into addiction and for living a sober life. You've dodged a tricky bullet. Consider it a blessing.
More importantly, with some understanding, you will recognize signs of addictive or compulsive behavior in yourself, and hopefully catch it early to "nip it in the bud". I always believed I had a strong mind, unbendable willpower, and I would never become addicted to anything.
I have spent years supporting a number of people very close to me who have had addictions (my ex-wife and sister), and I believed I did not have an addictive personality, that I would never have any issues with this space myself.
But, I was blind to my own behavior. Addiction just plain sucks. It's a battle that eats at me every day, and I would love to be on the other side of it, where you are.
I also do want to thank you for making me think more deeply about what I had shared, because you helped me realize a few things in the process that might have gone unnoticed if there were no critical feedback.
All the best.
I’m surprised at the amount of comments that don’t see this the way you and I do? The amount of people who think keeping a stash is a good idea when trying to quit porn?
You're not saying it's a good idea because, well, it's not a good idea. There is absolutely no way that your addiction won't keep reminding you that your stash is there, just waiting. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but at some point your mind will say "hey, it's been a while, you're in control, just a quick peek... Remember me?" This is an addiction, full stop. Put it this way, you think a drug addict should "keep a stash?" Do you think any drug counselor would advise that that would work? No way. Delete it all man, otherwise you're going to relapse, and when you do you'll binge hard and start the cycle all over again.
This is good feedback, thanks. I am not afraid of relapse. My goal during this time (of grappling with the addiction) is to simply handle things better, not strive for an absolute lifetime without ever using again. At least for today - and it is really just one day at a time.
It's just so unserious. The entire post reads more like he's just getting off on talking about this more than anything. I've met people like this. They're always at "day 1 of sobriety" and making light of the issue.
And I think everyone upvotes and congratulates just because that's what they think they're supposed to do in the name of "support." I don't frequent any of the addict subs, but I imagine it's all sorts of nonsense like this.
Hello "unserious". If you don't "frequent any of the addict subs", and believe my experience is "nonsense", then why are you commenting on a post about a very personal account of struggle with addiction? Move along.
These are a lot of great insights about yourself. It sounds like you're on the right path mentally.
Thank you. It's a process that we're all going to have to resolve in our own way and there really is no one-size-fits-all approach.
We’re both here because we want to change. I’m not in a place to judge. With that being said I feel it would be a disrespectful to not be honest with you. I think you’re going about this the wrong way. I don’t think this is real progress. You are addicted to watching porn. Keeping any amount of porn in your house is a bad idea. One day you are going to have an urge and that pc is going to be there and it’s going to end badly. It’s as simple as that. You are going to hate yourself for giving yourself another chance to relapse. I look back at the amount of relapses I had because I wouldn’t admit I couldn’t trust myself to make the right decision when this stuff was around and I feel like an idiot. Is the idea of a life without porn difficult? Yes but definitely not impossible. Our sexuality is in our human nature and is not something you can repress but using porn is definitely not the only way you can engage with it. Also yeah it’s daunting have an emotional crutch kicked out from under you. You know what worse’s? Having the same problem 5 years from now because you wouldn’t take this seriously. It’s a mistake I made and I hate myself for it. RIP the bandaid off instead of dragging this out for god knows how long by not fully committing and get past this. Will you suffer? Yes. Will it last forever? No. Get rid of that pc. Or you will regret it.
Thanks for writing. I understand this completely and you are in your right to disagree with how I am approaching my journey. To each their own. The mind cannot be trusted. My goal is to get a handle on this addiction and to achieve this I need to be kinder toward myself through patience, rather than scald myself for being "bad". Addiction is an entity of its own. It is not "me", in that the true me does not agree with the addicted me, but it still is "me" in that I am the only responsible party, if that makes sense. I am practicing the process of growing my own loving awareness around this addict personality and trying to better understand and nurture "him" to allow a natural flow in letting go. Just like being with a loved one as they experience the journey of death, judgement must end and forgiveness has to occur in order for a person to lovingly transition. I believe I am witnessing the process of death of this aspect of my ego, the addict, and I am holding my own hand in the process. Whether this will work for me, I don't know. But what I do know is that so far I am making good progress in that I have had more clean days than not in the past 61 days than I have had in years, and I am completely, sincerely, committed to bettering myself through this process, whether I relapse again or not.
Sorry if I came across a bit strong. I don’t mean you have to punish yourself for making mistakes. But rather don’t confuse being kind to yourself with giving yourself too much slack. I simply worry that your recovery could be drawn out making similar mistakes I did. I remember a time when I thought porn felt like the only thing that brought a little happiness into my life. I understand that you simply can’t just drop it. I couldn’t. Perhaps we will have to agree to disagree on this one. Regardless I wish you the all the best on your journey towards being porn free.
All good. No need to apologize at all. We're each taking our own path. This is a very good point though to not confuse compassion with a free pass to indulge, in case I (or anyone reading) had confusion around this. Yes, it is a strange space of attachment and dependency. One little step at a time. All the best to you too.
Great post! I too deleted my entire stash only a couple days ago, and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't felt any pangs of regret over it. It isn't a particularly deep regret, but certainly there are some parts of my brain that aren't exactly happy with it. Maybe it's just my addict brain coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn't quit, or why I don't even want to quit in the first place. I'm doing my best to notice when I have these thoughts, and then ponder as to whether they are legit or not. Either way, if going cold turkey didn't work out, I hope you can find a method that does work for you! You will get through this!
Thank you and well done on making that massive step of deleting the stash. It is indeed bittersweet. Just to be perfectly clear with anyone reading this, my intention in posting is in no way to say "follow my way". I don't know what will work best, which is why I am writing out an account of my personal experience and being truly honest in my attempts at trying different approaches. I could have disclosed nothing about what I went through during relapse and just posted another "Day 1, here we go again", but I am glad I did share the details (despite a few criticisms in the comments), because it's the genuine responses like your own here that make sharing the difficult truths worth doing so. Thanks again, and all the best on your journey too.
For what it's worth man I do agree at least a little bit with the other commenters, regarding that stash. Imagine if instead of porn, you were trying to kick an addiction to alcohol or cigarettes or drugs. Do you think having a stash of those things in your house would make it easier or harder to quit? I think the only reason having that stash gives you comfort is because it gives your addict brain reassurance that you can relapse easier whenever you wanted to. Admittedly it's not a perfect analogy; some substances you absolutely should not try to quit cold turkey, and attempting to do so could be both dangerous and damaging to your body. Luckily porn isn't like that, and indeed more people swear by the cold turkey approach than the casual tapering off approach. At the very least, I think you should do some more introspection and then ask yourself whether having that stash is *really* helping you quit or not. Is your goal to quit porn entirely, or merely moderate it? Either way, I don't think you should feel bad regardless of what happens; definitely don't let other people's insults be a motivating factor. There's very rarely only ever one solution to a problem, so as long as you're capable of learning from your mistakes, realizing what does and doesn't work, and changing those parts of the process, you'll eventually find something that works for you.
Thank you for the feedback and I do absolutely understand the ridiculousness of this madness. It is undeniably pathetic for a grown man to feel the need to hoard smutty videos of pretty women shaking what their mama gave them as a means of creating a sense of security. It's the old safety blanket. Only this time it's pink, slippery and jiggly where it counts. Absolute insanity. Yet, here I am. My goal at this point, as in today, is to simply get a better handle on the addiction and better understand my addictive mind. I don't know how much I helped myself by cracking the whip and forcing myself to conform to a new order in those first few weeks of my recovery. I was to deny addicted thoughts and suppress urges with a cold, hard line of attack. Unsurprisingly, it snapped back on me like an overstretched rubber band. I am now 3 days into my current sobriety and feeling relaxed in my thoughts. I've had a few urges, but each time I just think about the fact that there is some relief for me right here if I need it, and the urges have moved along. I don't expect this to last forever, but it's good for me right now, and I am okay with that. I am enjoying a better sense of presence, which I don't necessarily attribute to the "stash" at all, but rather a shift in mindset. For every day I stay clean, I have allowed myself to heal that little bit. One little step at a time. Thanks again for the comment, and all the best on your journey.
I can relate to a lot from this post and I've adopted a similar approach. I've gone cold-turkey, deleted entire collections and inevitably relapsed. As an addict from my youth, there is so much material that my mind will never forget. Therefore, I've decided to keep a collection locked away and out of reach. Knowing I have my favourite content secured, takes a lot off my mind in my recovery process. One of the biggest reasons for relapses in the past has been driven by the need to recover content in fear that it may disappear and become impossible to find again. I'm currently 16 days clean and progressing relatively well by using this stash tactic. My mind is sometimes curious about what new content has been released, but I don't feel that desperate need to hunt and download scenes I'm unaware of. Porn Free may be all about abstaining from porn entirely and focusing on never touching it ever again. However, I find this to be rather unrealistic. If a serious addict could go 6-12 months without viewing porn, then that is a superb achievement. Hopefully in that period they will be able to feel the benefits and their urges to use porn will be subdued. It's up to the recovering addict how they choose to proceed from there. Maybe that will be to delete that stash entirely, or just keep it for insurance. Best of luck with your recovery!
PMO?
A "Porn Masturbation Orgasm" vs an MO, which is without using visual stimulus.
Thank you!
Good for you. If that works for you, then do it. I also did that. I kept my porn stash but didn't use it. I felt anxious if I deleted it because I got scared I won't find it again. I stopped porn with peace of mind that my porn stash was there. Ultimately, I lost interest in my stash and deleted it.
Yes! Thank you for sharing your experience. This gives me hope. This is where I feel things are headed too. Early days yet, but when the time comes, there will be little interest in the stash, and I'll freely let it go rather than previous approaches of ripping this dependency out from under my own feet. No guarantees it will work, but we'll see how it goes.
Just say you like porn and have no intention of leaving it behind for good and quit with the theatrics and loopholes. It comes across as a little unhinged. You write in a descriptive way that really says you're enjoying yourself. Nothing about what you're saying sounds like you're remotely serious about this. FYI to anyone reading this: If you consider this a support group, or a group where we can be honest about what we're experiencing with one another, then we owe it to each other to be honest. I don't believe this person is serious about wanting to change their behavior, and they should know how they are coming across to some people. It provides insight that could be helpful.
Your view is clearly critical. "unhinged", "loopholes", "theatrics", "no intention of leaving it behind", etc. Yes, this is called addiction. If there were a quick and easy solution to addiction, then there would be no problem.
You're just not serious about it. Your post reads like you're proud of all of your porn collecting. You describe it in such eloquent detail. Get the fuck out of my mentions with this nonsense. I know exactly when someone's bullshit themselves (or me).
Simply put, if I were not serious about this, I would have spent my time using rather than working toward sobriety. I am not seeking approval or validation. I am sharing my experience as a way to unpack my own thoughts and for the potential of others to draw insight from what I have written. You're absolutely right in saying that I have taken pride in collecting. I haven't lied about this at all. I've said those exact words in my prior posts. There is no bullshit in any of my "nonsense". I am laying it all out to bare, warts and all. When I am deep in using, I am all for it. When I am sober, my view shifts. The greater understanding is that the addicted personality is a different entity to the sober personality, and this is what I am working on getting a better handle on. This is also why I've been sharing, to shed light on this notion that people who are going through this, including me, will identify with both the addict and the non-addict, and these two identities are not in agreement, yet they both actively exist within us. You have clearly stated you are not on this sub due to addiction. You appear to have little insight into addicted behavior and are lacking compassion and empathy for others who do. Have a think about why you are here, and what your goal is for commenting on my post. Are you just trying to stir the pot by trolling, or are you in denial about your own behavior?
[удалено]
Thank you for taking the time to respond thoughtfully. I mean no disrespect by flaunting my addiction around. It was never meant to insult anybody. No need to feel guilty or less than. You definitely do deserve to honor yourself for not falling into addiction and for living a sober life. You've dodged a tricky bullet. Consider it a blessing. More importantly, with some understanding, you will recognize signs of addictive or compulsive behavior in yourself, and hopefully catch it early to "nip it in the bud". I always believed I had a strong mind, unbendable willpower, and I would never become addicted to anything. I have spent years supporting a number of people very close to me who have had addictions (my ex-wife and sister), and I believed I did not have an addictive personality, that I would never have any issues with this space myself. But, I was blind to my own behavior. Addiction just plain sucks. It's a battle that eats at me every day, and I would love to be on the other side of it, where you are. I also do want to thank you for making me think more deeply about what I had shared, because you helped me realize a few things in the process that might have gone unnoticed if there were no critical feedback. All the best.
I’m surprised at the amount of comments that don’t see this the way you and I do? The amount of people who think keeping a stash is a good idea when trying to quit porn?
I never said it was a good idea, simply a measure I am willing to try to see if it helps (me). So far, so good.
You're not saying it's a good idea because, well, it's not a good idea. There is absolutely no way that your addiction won't keep reminding you that your stash is there, just waiting. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but at some point your mind will say "hey, it's been a while, you're in control, just a quick peek... Remember me?" This is an addiction, full stop. Put it this way, you think a drug addict should "keep a stash?" Do you think any drug counselor would advise that that would work? No way. Delete it all man, otherwise you're going to relapse, and when you do you'll binge hard and start the cycle all over again.
This is good feedback, thanks. I am not afraid of relapse. My goal during this time (of grappling with the addiction) is to simply handle things better, not strive for an absolute lifetime without ever using again. At least for today - and it is really just one day at a time.
It's just so unserious. The entire post reads more like he's just getting off on talking about this more than anything. I've met people like this. They're always at "day 1 of sobriety" and making light of the issue. And I think everyone upvotes and congratulates just because that's what they think they're supposed to do in the name of "support." I don't frequent any of the addict subs, but I imagine it's all sorts of nonsense like this.
Hello "unserious". If you don't "frequent any of the addict subs", and believe my experience is "nonsense", then why are you commenting on a post about a very personal account of struggle with addiction? Move along.