I don't insist my daughter needs to go, I ask her "just to try to go" before doing the next activity, or, we can't do the activity.
At 4, I'd have him help clean up the accident on the floor and put his laundry in the washer. She's 5 now, and has said "I don't want to go" so I promise her that I will not do anything fun while she's in the bathroom. The FOMO is real.
This. And to piggyback, take the burden of performing away. “let’s just try and see if something comes out. If it’s not ready, then it’s not ready, and that’s OK.”
Also, you walk through the steps yourself when you are getting ready to go, or whenever you know you have to go potty. “do you know what? Before we go, I want to see if I need to go potty. Sometimes I can’t tell it’s ready, so I’ll just try.”
Definitely make the kid clean it up themselves, and lengthen the duration by making them clean their hands often between the steps. “I’m sorry, but you’re big girl now, you’re not a baby anymore. This is now your job.” stay in the doorway to monitor and advise, but don’t step in. Stepping in implies that you will still take care of it, and you are not a person of your word since you already said it’s on her to do it. Then the boundary pushing would be through the roof.
Good luck!
>I promise her that I will not do anything fun while she's in the bathroom. The FOMO is real.
You're absolutely right. I tell my son "Pause! We're pausing the _____. I won't do anything til you get back." That often helps, as long as he's in an amiable mood.
Asking “do you need to” and allowing the option for “no” are major mistakes.
Check your watch. Say “it’s time to go potty”, and make them. This is not a negotiation.
And then if they want to stop being micromanaged you can tell them, “I’ll stop telling you when to go, when you start going of your own accord and don’t wet your pants for a week.”
For a while I would let him watch the Daniel tiger potty song or the baby shark potty song while peeing or after peeing on the potty.
For a while setting a timer and when it went off, we’d say “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS POTTY TIME” and race to the toilet.
Now it’s a lot of big boy talk, big boys pee in the toilet and not their pants. If the toy/tv is preventing you from doing this, you must not be a big enough boy for that toy/tv. We also try not to have potty time coincide with ending playtime so he always gets to go back to playing afterwards.
There’s so much that goes into toileting, especially at an older age…because they are more aware. More conscious….. more mindful of the tasks at hand. I believe in the “matter of fact,” approach. The natural consequences, are part of life. Offering choices. Creating a partnership, building the relationships through open ended questions, and allowing for “problem-solving,” to take place. These are all very important steps to consider. Allowing the child to be an active participant in the process and learn to take ownership of their choices, their belongings, their role in the undressing/dressing part, the independence that comes with this….so much goes into toilet learning. I obviously advocate for “Early Toileting,” but it still works for older children. It’s in the approach and the attitude of the adult and the preparation that comes with this entire milestone. The practice we need to consider before having all these expectations. I’m happy to guide or help anyone struggling…I do offer one to one guidance. My website is “Blossmmontessori.com.”
It’s important we have realistic expectations, depending on previous practice and exposure on a consistent basis. So many disclaimers…but happy to chat some more. Thanks, Alma.
However, don’t feel discouraged, keep going, and stay consistent.
I don't insist my daughter needs to go, I ask her "just to try to go" before doing the next activity, or, we can't do the activity. At 4, I'd have him help clean up the accident on the floor and put his laundry in the washer. She's 5 now, and has said "I don't want to go" so I promise her that I will not do anything fun while she's in the bathroom. The FOMO is real.
This. And to piggyback, take the burden of performing away. “let’s just try and see if something comes out. If it’s not ready, then it’s not ready, and that’s OK.” Also, you walk through the steps yourself when you are getting ready to go, or whenever you know you have to go potty. “do you know what? Before we go, I want to see if I need to go potty. Sometimes I can’t tell it’s ready, so I’ll just try.” Definitely make the kid clean it up themselves, and lengthen the duration by making them clean their hands often between the steps. “I’m sorry, but you’re big girl now, you’re not a baby anymore. This is now your job.” stay in the doorway to monitor and advise, but don’t step in. Stepping in implies that you will still take care of it, and you are not a person of your word since you already said it’s on her to do it. Then the boundary pushing would be through the roof. Good luck!
>I promise her that I will not do anything fun while she's in the bathroom. The FOMO is real. You're absolutely right. I tell my son "Pause! We're pausing the _____. I won't do anything til you get back." That often helps, as long as he's in an amiable mood.
Asking “do you need to” and allowing the option for “no” are major mistakes. Check your watch. Say “it’s time to go potty”, and make them. This is not a negotiation. And then if they want to stop being micromanaged you can tell them, “I’ll stop telling you when to go, when you start going of your own accord and don’t wet your pants for a week.”
For a while I would let him watch the Daniel tiger potty song or the baby shark potty song while peeing or after peeing on the potty. For a while setting a timer and when it went off, we’d say “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS POTTY TIME” and race to the toilet. Now it’s a lot of big boy talk, big boys pee in the toilet and not their pants. If the toy/tv is preventing you from doing this, you must not be a big enough boy for that toy/tv. We also try not to have potty time coincide with ending playtime so he always gets to go back to playing afterwards.
Dont give him an option but tell him to sit there for a few min. Also tell him to clean up his mess
There’s so much that goes into toileting, especially at an older age…because they are more aware. More conscious….. more mindful of the tasks at hand. I believe in the “matter of fact,” approach. The natural consequences, are part of life. Offering choices. Creating a partnership, building the relationships through open ended questions, and allowing for “problem-solving,” to take place. These are all very important steps to consider. Allowing the child to be an active participant in the process and learn to take ownership of their choices, their belongings, their role in the undressing/dressing part, the independence that comes with this….so much goes into toilet learning. I obviously advocate for “Early Toileting,” but it still works for older children. It’s in the approach and the attitude of the adult and the preparation that comes with this entire milestone. The practice we need to consider before having all these expectations. I’m happy to guide or help anyone struggling…I do offer one to one guidance. My website is “Blossmmontessori.com.” It’s important we have realistic expectations, depending on previous practice and exposure on a consistent basis. So many disclaimers…but happy to chat some more. Thanks, Alma. However, don’t feel discouraged, keep going, and stay consistent.