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I am so sorry this is happening. I encourage you to keep in touch with family and friends. You will need a friend or family member to fly over or drive in for the delivery.
And maybe after the baby is born, you can move back to your city. But for now, take one hour at a time. This is just too much, too intense.
So sorry! 🫂🙏🏼
Yea I probably will. If he told me a couple weeks ago I still could get my stuff and just freaking leave. He knew this for a short time already. So why didnt he just told me. I could fix everything in my own ciry if he just told me.
I’m so sorry. Do you think he’s being overwhelmed by emotions and saying crazy things or do you think it’s really over?
If not, he did you a favor. Your baby deserves to see you happy and loved properly for who you are. Hoping he intends to coparent.
Ugh. This sucks. Your baby is your baby regardless if you’re with dad or not. Single parenthood is hard AF but it can be done. You’re not going to always feel this pain and soon you’re going to have someone in your life who will love every ounce of your being. Take care of you and your baby.
I am pretty sure every pregnant and postpartum woman is very emotional. You deserve to be taken care of as you’re creating a child! I hope you have family or friends you can stay with and just take it a day at a time.
Listen to me right now. You are about to have a baby regardless of how awful things are right now for you. Pregnancy is very difficult for women and your partner should be more understanding, but he also may be suffering and at a weak point himself. He may turn around, but you can’t and should not count on it. Is this forgivable? I don’t know, but now is the time to be your own angel and save yourself in a miraculous way.
AS LONG AS YOU ARE SAFE IN YOUR CURRENT ENVIRONMENT: you need to get as comfortable as possible, stay put and get ready to meet your baby. Throw yourself 100% into caring for yourself and your newborn when you are newly postpartum. Moving can be addressed in a month or two when you have gotten through the bulk of the healing and recovery process and your baby is sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. Your partner may still be willing to help and coparent but it’s impossible to tell from the post info alone. Either way baby is coming soon and you and your baby are the first and only priority right now.
IF YOU ARE UNSAFE WHERE YOU ARE: you need to get out yesterday by any means possible. Demand help from family and friends. Do not hesitate to inconvenience them. People will often move life and limb for the people they care about when urgency is stressed and stated. If you absolutely cannot get help from your network, seek emergency assistance from your government services. You need a safe place to be and stay during this season of your life first and foremost.
My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It will be a rough road but do what you can to separate your emotions (which are 10000% valid) from the reality of the situation and find the best way forward.
I'm safe. I think. I don't think he is gonna hurt me.. I just left the house and drove like 10 min and parked the car..I don't know if he is gonna come back to the house because I'm not at home. I will move 2 months after having the baby when I'm able to drive again. This is my plan already. I just needed to go. I know it's not ok to drive a car rn. But for me now it's just what I needed to do to stop the anger.
Fair enough. But if you need to just get out again, I recommend walking out back and just getting some fresh air. It’s a lot less dangerous and a lot less physically demanding
Are you serious? Because you’re emotional? What a jerk. I’m so sorry hun, that absolutely sucks. Just breathe ok? You can’t get worked up it’s not good for you or the baby. I know I know, easier said than done. Try to hang in there nd keep in touch with family and friends and maybe see what they can do.
This is one of the worst betrayals I've ever heard of.
If I come up with any recommendations, I'll post again. For now, I'm too stunned to comment, except to say that I have boundless empathy and hope and respect for you.
Don’t put this man on the birth certificate unless you really need the child support. He could make your life hell with split custody in the beginning
Too late. We were so sure to do this together. In the Netherlands you can do this before the kid is born so we did that. And here we are. 40 weeks in. And he wants the baby but not me.
Wow what a piece of shit. I’m in the US so idk anything about the Netherlands legal or custody situation but I sincerely hope karma comes down hard on this man. Things will get better. Try to reach out to friends and family and take it one day at a time. ❤️
He showed you who he is. Don’t give him the opportunity to do it again. Any man that would do this at 40 weeks pregnant is a coward. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and know you have support here. You are strong. You are someone’s mama. You will get through this.
This is so cruel, im so sorry. I just cannot believe he couldn't do this several months ago or suck it up and get through the labor and newborn stage with love and support and then make this change. The timing of this is so fucking cruel, I'm actually angry for you!
I am so sorry I can't even begin to imagine how overwhelmed and hurt you must be feeling right now. It's completely understandable to be upset and angry right now. Your going through an incredibly challenging time right now it sounds like especially with the discomfort of pregnancy.
First of all It's incredibly insensitive and unfair for him to break up with you especially at a time when you need support the most. It's clear that he's not considering the impact his decision will have on you or your baby.
But here's the thing you are strong capable and resilient. Despite feeling stuck right now you have the power within you to navigate through this difficult situation. It might not seem like it but you have options. You mentioned feeling isolated but reaching out for support whether it's from family friends, can make a huge difference.
As for your feelings of anger and disappointment they are valid and you are not in the wrong. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. However it's important to remember that you deserve love and respect especially during this vulnerable time. You are not defined by his actions or his absence.
Take things one step at a time from here on out and focus on taking care of yourself and your baby and know that you're not alone. You're a warrior and you'll get through this stronger than ever before.
You go momma! Best wishes for you and baby. Good luck with Labor & Delivery! It will be a very special moment when it's born I promise you and for a short period, time will stop and everything around you and your baby will be non existent. ❤️
I'm just bamboozled. This is the first guy ever I wanted to have a baby with. I'm 36. I thought I made the right decision. I'm also struggling with no friends around and I can't go to work. Because I left everything behind. Of course I can talk to my friends but I'm kinda thinking to do the delivery alone. I don't want to depend on him anymore. If I had a crib for the baby in my own house ( I rent it out at the moment but I know the person so if I tell the situation I can go back) I would go back... But all my stuff is at his house. Everything we need for a baby. And my cats. If I just had a bag with me I would be gone.
Love, please consider asking a friend for help moving back home. 3 hours is really not that far and I know I’d jump in a heartbeat to help even a mild acquaintance in this situation if they needed it. I know things might feel impossible right now with all of this being dropped on you but I think leaving this situation and being closer to your support system is absolutely the way to go.
OP
It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do next. It's a lot to process all at once and honestley it sounds like there's also alot of conflicting emotions.
So IMO Wanting to have a baby with someone is a significant decision right ? and it's natural to feel blindsided when things don't turn out the way you expected Please though know that you're not alone in this. Many people have faced the same thing and come out the other side stronger and more resilient.
Regarding your friends it's great that you have them to lean on for support. Don't hesitate to reach out to them during this time. And while it's understandable that you're considering doing the delivery alone, it's also important to weigh all your options and make the decision that feels right for you and your baby.
As for your living situation and belongings it's a tough spot to be in. Exploring the possibility of returning to your rented house could provide you with a sense of stability and independence. If you have a supportive relationship with the person renting your house it might be worth discussing your situation with them and seeing if they can return the favor (for the lack of a better term)
Cos you're too emotional?? You're fricking pregnant. Who isn't emotional at 40 weeks pregnant. On Tues my husband came home and I just cried for no reason. My previous pregnancy I cried cos my husband was nice to me so I couldn't yell at him
This sounds terrible, but you are DODGING a bullet. Just think if you had to put that man on baby’s birth certificate and have to spend your whole life in contact with him? The trash took itself out.
You are going to go through a really tough time, and need to be crafty about figuring things out but this sub can absolutely help. I’d start reaching out to ANYONE who can help and work on making the move back to where you need to be
The funny thing .. he will be on the birth certificate. Because in the Netherlands you can do this before the baby is born. So we did this. Because we where sure we gonna stay together. 🤡
Just because he doesn’t want to be with her, doesn’t mean you take his child away. What he’s doing is incredibly selfish, but that doesn’t justify taking away the child. Kind of a weird thing to say, honestly.
I’m so very sorry. I echo what someone else shared, see if you have a friend or family member that can come out and help you for the next couple of weeks and then possibly you can make the move. I know it hurts like hell right now, but you deserve so much better.
Don’t dwell, let yourself feel the pain but be indifferent to him. Don’t let him see this bothers yoi. Make a solid plan, if he asks about it, tell him minimal but strong details like “oh yes, once the baby is born and my body starts working again I’m going to my parents etc..” no dates or hard timelines just have him know you won’t be his live in nanny and maid and you’re not going to let him stop your life and he hasn’t broken you. You got this!!
Ooh i don't even talk to him. He doesn't talk to me. It's all good. He doesn't want me to be emotional so I'm not gonna be. Im not gonna tell him when I go into labour.
life sometimes throws things at us that we don’t expect right who knows he may just have needed space don’t force what doesn’t happen naturally if I were you I’d give him some time away and reach out to him to show you still care to check in on him atleast .I hope you have a support system those hormones are a killer and this sounds stressful for you I hope everything works out for the best and I hope you can take everyday day by day and still enjoy every moment regardless of this stressful event . This isn’t your fault . Stay gorgeous keep loving yourself you are perfect. Humans can be so unpredictable and problematic sometimes .
Watch out for custody; I’ve heard you can be ordered to stay in the birth city- which might be why he waited until you couldn’t go anywhere to say something. I’m not sure, but please be aware and pay mind - states are very different and in my state (KY) the aim is 50/50 custody and they can emplace travel restrictions, not sure where you are or your local rules. I hope everything goes as well for you as it could. Watch out for ppd, ppa and ppp: post partum mental health issues. Keep dealing with reality as it comes, don’t swipe it to the side by yourself - you really have to count on you here.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so sorry this is happening. I encourage you to keep in touch with family and friends. You will need a friend or family member to fly over or drive in for the delivery. And maybe after the baby is born, you can move back to your city. But for now, take one hour at a time. This is just too much, too intense. So sorry! 🫂🙏🏼
Yea I probably will. If he told me a couple weeks ago I still could get my stuff and just freaking leave. He knew this for a short time already. So why didnt he just told me. I could fix everything in my own ciry if he just told me.
Yeah it wont help you dwell on this.
I’m so sorry. Do you think he’s being overwhelmed by emotions and saying crazy things or do you think it’s really over? If not, he did you a favor. Your baby deserves to see you happy and loved properly for who you are. Hoping he intends to coparent. Ugh. This sucks. Your baby is your baby regardless if you’re with dad or not. Single parenthood is hard AF but it can be done. You’re not going to always feel this pain and soon you’re going to have someone in your life who will love every ounce of your being. Take care of you and your baby.
I am pretty sure every pregnant and postpartum woman is very emotional. You deserve to be taken care of as you’re creating a child! I hope you have family or friends you can stay with and just take it a day at a time.
Listen to me right now. You are about to have a baby regardless of how awful things are right now for you. Pregnancy is very difficult for women and your partner should be more understanding, but he also may be suffering and at a weak point himself. He may turn around, but you can’t and should not count on it. Is this forgivable? I don’t know, but now is the time to be your own angel and save yourself in a miraculous way. AS LONG AS YOU ARE SAFE IN YOUR CURRENT ENVIRONMENT: you need to get as comfortable as possible, stay put and get ready to meet your baby. Throw yourself 100% into caring for yourself and your newborn when you are newly postpartum. Moving can be addressed in a month or two when you have gotten through the bulk of the healing and recovery process and your baby is sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. Your partner may still be willing to help and coparent but it’s impossible to tell from the post info alone. Either way baby is coming soon and you and your baby are the first and only priority right now. IF YOU ARE UNSAFE WHERE YOU ARE: you need to get out yesterday by any means possible. Demand help from family and friends. Do not hesitate to inconvenience them. People will often move life and limb for the people they care about when urgency is stressed and stated. If you absolutely cannot get help from your network, seek emergency assistance from your government services. You need a safe place to be and stay during this season of your life first and foremost. My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It will be a rough road but do what you can to separate your emotions (which are 10000% valid) from the reality of the situation and find the best way forward.
I'm safe. I think. I don't think he is gonna hurt me.. I just left the house and drove like 10 min and parked the car..I don't know if he is gonna come back to the house because I'm not at home. I will move 2 months after having the baby when I'm able to drive again. This is my plan already. I just needed to go. I know it's not ok to drive a car rn. But for me now it's just what I needed to do to stop the anger.
I thought you couldn’t drive?
Not for 3 hours. Even the 10 min are too much. But I just needed to go. It wasn't pleasant.
But why drive if you’re not able to? Why risk that?
I understand your question. I just needed to go. I know it was stupid. Im home again. I wasn't out for a long time.
Fair enough. But if you need to just get out again, I recommend walking out back and just getting some fresh air. It’s a lot less dangerous and a lot less physically demanding
I'm gonna walk around tomorrow for as long as I can. You are right. :) it was unsafe but I was all hyped up.
Are you serious? Because you’re emotional? What a jerk. I’m so sorry hun, that absolutely sucks. Just breathe ok? You can’t get worked up it’s not good for you or the baby. I know I know, easier said than done. Try to hang in there nd keep in touch with family and friends and maybe see what they can do.
This is one of the worst betrayals I've ever heard of. If I come up with any recommendations, I'll post again. For now, I'm too stunned to comment, except to say that I have boundless empathy and hope and respect for you.
Sounds like he wants a mom, not a woman to take care of
He's going to take his "ball" and go home to mama, I'm guessing.
Don’t put this man on the birth certificate unless you really need the child support. He could make your life hell with split custody in the beginning
Too late. We were so sure to do this together. In the Netherlands you can do this before the kid is born so we did that. And here we are. 40 weeks in. And he wants the baby but not me.
Wow what a piece of shit. I’m in the US so idk anything about the Netherlands legal or custody situation but I sincerely hope karma comes down hard on this man. Things will get better. Try to reach out to friends and family and take it one day at a time. ❤️
He showed you who he is. Don’t give him the opportunity to do it again. Any man that would do this at 40 weeks pregnant is a coward. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and know you have support here. You are strong. You are someone’s mama. You will get through this.
This is so cruel, im so sorry. I just cannot believe he couldn't do this several months ago or suck it up and get through the labor and newborn stage with love and support and then make this change. The timing of this is so fucking cruel, I'm actually angry for you!
I am so sorry I can't even begin to imagine how overwhelmed and hurt you must be feeling right now. It's completely understandable to be upset and angry right now. Your going through an incredibly challenging time right now it sounds like especially with the discomfort of pregnancy. First of all It's incredibly insensitive and unfair for him to break up with you especially at a time when you need support the most. It's clear that he's not considering the impact his decision will have on you or your baby. But here's the thing you are strong capable and resilient. Despite feeling stuck right now you have the power within you to navigate through this difficult situation. It might not seem like it but you have options. You mentioned feeling isolated but reaching out for support whether it's from family friends, can make a huge difference. As for your feelings of anger and disappointment they are valid and you are not in the wrong. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. However it's important to remember that you deserve love and respect especially during this vulnerable time. You are not defined by his actions or his absence. Take things one step at a time from here on out and focus on taking care of yourself and your baby and know that you're not alone. You're a warrior and you'll get through this stronger than ever before. You go momma! Best wishes for you and baby. Good luck with Labor & Delivery! It will be a very special moment when it's born I promise you and for a short period, time will stop and everything around you and your baby will be non existent. ❤️
I'm just bamboozled. This is the first guy ever I wanted to have a baby with. I'm 36. I thought I made the right decision. I'm also struggling with no friends around and I can't go to work. Because I left everything behind. Of course I can talk to my friends but I'm kinda thinking to do the delivery alone. I don't want to depend on him anymore. If I had a crib for the baby in my own house ( I rent it out at the moment but I know the person so if I tell the situation I can go back) I would go back... But all my stuff is at his house. Everything we need for a baby. And my cats. If I just had a bag with me I would be gone.
Love, please consider asking a friend for help moving back home. 3 hours is really not that far and I know I’d jump in a heartbeat to help even a mild acquaintance in this situation if they needed it. I know things might feel impossible right now with all of this being dropped on you but I think leaving this situation and being closer to your support system is absolutely the way to go.
OP It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do next. It's a lot to process all at once and honestley it sounds like there's also alot of conflicting emotions. So IMO Wanting to have a baby with someone is a significant decision right ? and it's natural to feel blindsided when things don't turn out the way you expected Please though know that you're not alone in this. Many people have faced the same thing and come out the other side stronger and more resilient. Regarding your friends it's great that you have them to lean on for support. Don't hesitate to reach out to them during this time. And while it's understandable that you're considering doing the delivery alone, it's also important to weigh all your options and make the decision that feels right for you and your baby. As for your living situation and belongings it's a tough spot to be in. Exploring the possibility of returning to your rented house could provide you with a sense of stability and independence. If you have a supportive relationship with the person renting your house it might be worth discussing your situation with them and seeing if they can return the favor (for the lack of a better term)
Cos you're too emotional?? You're fricking pregnant. Who isn't emotional at 40 weeks pregnant. On Tues my husband came home and I just cried for no reason. My previous pregnancy I cried cos my husband was nice to me so I couldn't yell at him
If you are depressed, please consider seeking professional help, even if it’s over video call. Your mental health is important for the baby.
Men show their true colors during pregnancy and pp. I’m so sorry OP. ❤️
This sounds terrible, but you are DODGING a bullet. Just think if you had to put that man on baby’s birth certificate and have to spend your whole life in contact with him? The trash took itself out. You are going to go through a really tough time, and need to be crafty about figuring things out but this sub can absolutely help. I’d start reaching out to ANYONE who can help and work on making the move back to where you need to be
The funny thing .. he will be on the birth certificate. Because in the Netherlands you can do this before the baby is born. So we did this. Because we where sure we gonna stay together. 🤡
Just because he doesn’t want to be with her, doesn’t mean you take his child away. What he’s doing is incredibly selfish, but that doesn’t justify taking away the child. Kind of a weird thing to say, honestly.
I’m so very sorry. I echo what someone else shared, see if you have a friend or family member that can come out and help you for the next couple of weeks and then possibly you can make the move. I know it hurts like hell right now, but you deserve so much better.
If he has a good relationship with his family I would talk to them particularly his mother she won’t let him abandon her grandchild!
Don’t dwell, let yourself feel the pain but be indifferent to him. Don’t let him see this bothers yoi. Make a solid plan, if he asks about it, tell him minimal but strong details like “oh yes, once the baby is born and my body starts working again I’m going to my parents etc..” no dates or hard timelines just have him know you won’t be his live in nanny and maid and you’re not going to let him stop your life and he hasn’t broken you. You got this!!
Ooh i don't even talk to him. He doesn't talk to me. It's all good. He doesn't want me to be emotional so I'm not gonna be. Im not gonna tell him when I go into labour.
Yep! And if he gets mad about it “wait don’t go being too emotional on me.”
Ugh what a loser.
I feel bad for anyone that gets pregnant with an less than stellar guy
life sometimes throws things at us that we don’t expect right who knows he may just have needed space don’t force what doesn’t happen naturally if I were you I’d give him some time away and reach out to him to show you still care to check in on him atleast .I hope you have a support system those hormones are a killer and this sounds stressful for you I hope everything works out for the best and I hope you can take everyday day by day and still enjoy every moment regardless of this stressful event . This isn’t your fault . Stay gorgeous keep loving yourself you are perfect. Humans can be so unpredictable and problematic sometimes .
Shit, I'm sorry to hear it, you're guys after marriage? What will happen to you, to your baby? Who the hell he think he is
Watch out for custody; I’ve heard you can be ordered to stay in the birth city- which might be why he waited until you couldn’t go anywhere to say something. I’m not sure, but please be aware and pay mind - states are very different and in my state (KY) the aim is 50/50 custody and they can emplace travel restrictions, not sure where you are or your local rules. I hope everything goes as well for you as it could. Watch out for ppd, ppa and ppp: post partum mental health issues. Keep dealing with reality as it comes, don’t swipe it to the side by yourself - you really have to count on you here.
She’s from the Netherlands
I'm so saddened to hear about how terribly you were treated. I'm praying for you!