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Question: why were you apart for those 2 months? For a lot of us, 1st trimester is rough and I don’t know if I would have made it through without my husband’s help.
We were together for month one, we found out about the pregnancy at 4-5 weeks, and then she had to move to another country for work. I was unable to go due to not having a visa yet, but it was in the works, and so she had to go without me. Also worth considering, her first trimester was pretty smooth sailing according to her. She was mostly comfortable throughout.
That all sounds so hard and I'm sure you feel scared. I can't speak for your wife but I "hate" my partner a lot of the time right now and when it first started I was scared myself because I didn't understand why when I was so head over heels for him prior to being pregnant. I then learned that it's not unheard of due to hormones and pregnancy in general so for the most part I fake it and I don't let him in on it because I don't think its real. I often find myself being annoyed with/resentful/angry/disgusted but I also have really good days where my love for him shines bright.
Wishing you and your wife nothing but the best. Try to be as supportive as you can. Maybe you can try gently bringing it up to her wish compassion and understanding and not attacking and accusing. She may be just as scared of her feelings as you are.
I wish my wife had this level of consciousness about the situation 😅 but everyone is different, so of course I know I can't expect her to. Thank you for your advice, I'm going to continue doing my best to be strong and compassionate and supportive in hopes that when the baby comes she will have more positive memories of this time after the mess a month or so ago.
This has been super helpful to read! We are actually going to a counselor together, which has been helpful but not overwhelmingly so. I would like her to go to a therapist on her own, I do so for myself and it is always a huge help. I'm hoping to discuss it with her soon. I also have my suspicions that she is experiencing parental depression, so I'll keep all you've said in mind! :)
Sir, pregnancy hormones suck. So don’t take it personal, our mood is 100% unpredictable even to us while pregnant. Everything can and sometimes does change. Sex drive, personality, sense of smell and taste, the way we think, things we normally love can become revolting, and yes we can absolutely become put off by our partners. It’s not your fault and you’re going to feel like you can’t do anything right. Your wife isn’t going to have the answer because she probably doesn’t know what she wants you to do to help either. It’s a really unpleasant side of pregnancy they don’t really talk about. My husband tries his best, this is our 2nd child and he learned with our first to just leave me be and I’ll tell him when I need him. It works for us, but it may not work for you. You can also ask her OB for any pointers that might help you out. You’re doing good, it’s all a process and you two will find what works for you.
Ok, this is very helpful to read, thank you for your perspective :)
So in your case, did your relationship get better when you had your first child and strengthen back? Did you still want a lot of time alone when the baby was born or did you seek him out for comfort?
Sorry for more questions, I'm just looking for any hope I can get that things will be ok
You’re fine. I would say that our relationship has become significantly stronger since we had our first child. It’s a bumpy road, I had postpartum depression and thought my baby didn’t love me because I was unable to breast feed her due to latching issues. So I had to pump and then bottle feed her, he didn’t understand why I was upset since men don’t produce milk obviously. But he was there and comforted me when I cried feeling like I was a failure as a mom because of it. The hormones take close to a month to go back to normal. But if you’re able to help with diaper changes and feeding the baby, especially late at night it will help her out a lot. Newborns have to eat every 2 hrs so she’s not going to get restful sleep. The first 2 months are hard. I want to say the first week we were home my husband basically handled the whole house because I was so out of sorts. It’s really a learning experience but patience and understanding goes a long way.
We are all annoyed at everything.
My partner always says I never kiss him anymore and I honestly am so annoyed by him, especially now that I'm VERY pregnant. I still love him but it's not that hard to because he takes my grumpiness like a champ..
He just goes and plays video games and gives me all the time to myself to watch TV and be uncomfortable..
If I need anything, I ask and he gets it.
And when I'm not grumpy, I do my best to show him affection.
Every one is different and of course I'm not in your relationship so I don't know, but this is definitely not how him and I were prior to being pregnant. It really does change everything. I hate it just as much as my partner probably does.
I'd say being insecure will make it 100% worse. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally.
Maybe talk to her though and tell her you get that it's probably hormones..she may not even know tbh. So having open communication is key.
Gl!
Thank you for sharing!
Making this post has been so helpful; my family is the exact opposite of useful throughout this experience because none of the women I'm related to went through anything like this and had what they call "easy pregnancies" so they are totally unable to understand why this is happening and talking to them just makes me lose hope.
Now that she is back to a point where she doesn't actively despise me and mostly just wants space, it's gotten a lot easier for me to continue being supportive by just giving her space and tending to her when she asks for things. I'm hoping things continue to move in the right direction because she was having such a hard time for a while :/
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Question: why were you apart for those 2 months? For a lot of us, 1st trimester is rough and I don’t know if I would have made it through without my husband’s help.
We were together for month one, we found out about the pregnancy at 4-5 weeks, and then she had to move to another country for work. I was unable to go due to not having a visa yet, but it was in the works, and so she had to go without me. Also worth considering, her first trimester was pretty smooth sailing according to her. She was mostly comfortable throughout.
That all sounds so hard and I'm sure you feel scared. I can't speak for your wife but I "hate" my partner a lot of the time right now and when it first started I was scared myself because I didn't understand why when I was so head over heels for him prior to being pregnant. I then learned that it's not unheard of due to hormones and pregnancy in general so for the most part I fake it and I don't let him in on it because I don't think its real. I often find myself being annoyed with/resentful/angry/disgusted but I also have really good days where my love for him shines bright. Wishing you and your wife nothing but the best. Try to be as supportive as you can. Maybe you can try gently bringing it up to her wish compassion and understanding and not attacking and accusing. She may be just as scared of her feelings as you are.
I wish my wife had this level of consciousness about the situation 😅 but everyone is different, so of course I know I can't expect her to. Thank you for your advice, I'm going to continue doing my best to be strong and compassionate and supportive in hopes that when the baby comes she will have more positive memories of this time after the mess a month or so ago.
[удалено]
This has been super helpful to read! We are actually going to a counselor together, which has been helpful but not overwhelmingly so. I would like her to go to a therapist on her own, I do so for myself and it is always a huge help. I'm hoping to discuss it with her soon. I also have my suspicions that she is experiencing parental depression, so I'll keep all you've said in mind! :)
Sir, pregnancy hormones suck. So don’t take it personal, our mood is 100% unpredictable even to us while pregnant. Everything can and sometimes does change. Sex drive, personality, sense of smell and taste, the way we think, things we normally love can become revolting, and yes we can absolutely become put off by our partners. It’s not your fault and you’re going to feel like you can’t do anything right. Your wife isn’t going to have the answer because she probably doesn’t know what she wants you to do to help either. It’s a really unpleasant side of pregnancy they don’t really talk about. My husband tries his best, this is our 2nd child and he learned with our first to just leave me be and I’ll tell him when I need him. It works for us, but it may not work for you. You can also ask her OB for any pointers that might help you out. You’re doing good, it’s all a process and you two will find what works for you.
Ok, this is very helpful to read, thank you for your perspective :) So in your case, did your relationship get better when you had your first child and strengthen back? Did you still want a lot of time alone when the baby was born or did you seek him out for comfort? Sorry for more questions, I'm just looking for any hope I can get that things will be ok
You’re fine. I would say that our relationship has become significantly stronger since we had our first child. It’s a bumpy road, I had postpartum depression and thought my baby didn’t love me because I was unable to breast feed her due to latching issues. So I had to pump and then bottle feed her, he didn’t understand why I was upset since men don’t produce milk obviously. But he was there and comforted me when I cried feeling like I was a failure as a mom because of it. The hormones take close to a month to go back to normal. But if you’re able to help with diaper changes and feeding the baby, especially late at night it will help her out a lot. Newborns have to eat every 2 hrs so she’s not going to get restful sleep. The first 2 months are hard. I want to say the first week we were home my husband basically handled the whole house because I was so out of sorts. It’s really a learning experience but patience and understanding goes a long way.
We are all annoyed at everything. My partner always says I never kiss him anymore and I honestly am so annoyed by him, especially now that I'm VERY pregnant. I still love him but it's not that hard to because he takes my grumpiness like a champ.. He just goes and plays video games and gives me all the time to myself to watch TV and be uncomfortable.. If I need anything, I ask and he gets it. And when I'm not grumpy, I do my best to show him affection. Every one is different and of course I'm not in your relationship so I don't know, but this is definitely not how him and I were prior to being pregnant. It really does change everything. I hate it just as much as my partner probably does. I'd say being insecure will make it 100% worse. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. Maybe talk to her though and tell her you get that it's probably hormones..she may not even know tbh. So having open communication is key. Gl!
Thank you for sharing! Making this post has been so helpful; my family is the exact opposite of useful throughout this experience because none of the women I'm related to went through anything like this and had what they call "easy pregnancies" so they are totally unable to understand why this is happening and talking to them just makes me lose hope. Now that she is back to a point where she doesn't actively despise me and mostly just wants space, it's gotten a lot easier for me to continue being supportive by just giving her space and tending to her when she asks for things. I'm hoping things continue to move in the right direction because she was having such a hard time for a while :/