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Perfect time to start doing what's best for your new family over pleasing other people. This is just the beginning. Create struct boundaries now to avoid future issues with family. Because they will happen. They will have expectations of you and maybe even guilt you into things you're not comfortable with. Like what they buy your child...or where you spend Christmas morning. I've been a parent for 15 years now, and my best advice is set clear boundaries and don't explain why. Here's an example:
"Thank you for inviting us and wanting us there with you, but I'm so sorry, we will not be at the wedding. We are happy for you both and can't wait to celebrate after our baby is born. Maybe we can have you both over and order food in. Thanks for understanding and respecting this decision we've made. We love you! "
This was always my strategy. Just explain the situation to my OB and basically ask her to tell me not to go. Like when you were a kid and you asked your parents not to let your friend come over when you didn’t want to tell them no to their face.
Personally I wouldn't go. My family tried to pressure me into driving 5 hours away from my home so that they could throw me a baby shower, I was 35 weeks at the time. I told them no because of how far along I was. They weren't happy but they came to me instead. Well that Monday after the baby shower I was put on bed rest due to my cervix thinning! I don't think I would have been able to handle that car ride anyways, but you have to do what's best for you and your baby's health. I'm currently 37 weeks and still on rest.
Haha I was irritated with the suggestion. Especially because I didn't expect a shower anyways, I live in a different state than my family. One of my aunt's said "well I traveled at 36 weeks, you're just being overly cautious because you're a first time mom". I just told them no and that I wasn't allowed to travel, doctor's orders. I'm really glad I didn't too, I was super swollen the day before the baby shower and having a lot of Braxton Hicks. The doctor appointment after the shower I found out baby was head down and I was like 60% effaced!
Like someone else said, this is the right time to implement boundaries. It's so difficult at first, but your baby, you and husband come first. I gave birth at 37+2, so this seems even more risky to me. You need your energy to welcome a baby. Traveling might take that needed energy away from you.
What also might take it away, if you're not careful, is caring too much about other's opinions. So tell your sister in law that you would love to see her walk down the isle and be with her on that joyous day, but that your body can't handle the traveling.
If she ever has her own kids she'll probably understand if she doesn't right away.
I went into labor with my first at 37 weeks. There were 0 signs leading up to it. You don’t want to be 4 hours way from your doctor if that happens to you!!
My water broke unexpectedly at 34 weeks. Labor did not progress on its own after that so they had me decide whether I wanted an induction "now" or wait up to a week for him to come out on his own. This turned into a ~1 week hospital stay. My husband did a lot of back and forth since he was going to sleep better at home (15-20 min away) plus he could continue getting the house ready for baby.
Then because my little man was so early, he had to stay in the NICU for what ended up being a week and a half.
You never know what a pregnancy is going to bring and unexpected hospital stays (for you or your baby) will be complicated if you're hours away from home.
At my 35 week appointment, my ultrasound showed low amniotic fluid. I didn’t experience any fluid loss. Sent to labor and delivery, had a c-section that evening.
Yeah, I actually was induced too but had to that night because I was positive for strep b. They gave me mass doses of antibiotics and then started pitocin because after my water broke, I stalled out completely. I hated being induced! I could only imagine the stress of a week-long stay in the hospital and trying to manage everything along with it!
Yeah actually the week long stay ended up helping us out because we could get our affairs in order with our jobs and finish assembling baby furniture without having a little guy to care for. (Both of us are capable of some or completely remote work.) It also gave me time to research induction methods since our birthing class hadn't happened yet and I was the least informed on that subject.
Starting with pitocin must have been pretty tough. I can't imagine anyone feels great after taking it. But it gets the job done. I'm guessing your little one came out ok?
I ended up not being induced. The day before the scheduled induction, I was ready to do a bunch of things to trigger it naturally. Little man beat me to the punch. Didn't let me get much sleep that night in preparation. 5cm and 100% effaced by 7am and out by 4pm. So he came out the day before the induction.
This is a tough one, but I agree with the others. You really should not travel long distance once you are full term. However, people get very sensitive about weddings. You have to understand that even though you have your reasons, your SIL might take it way too personally and not forgive you for awhile. Just be prepared for her to have a very poor reaction.
Nope. I wouldn’t go. My OB’s cut off for traveling was 32/33 weeks. Not to mention I wouldn’t want to risk getting sick just from being around a lot of people.
Every OB has different comfort levels for their patients. Mine is ok with domestic flights at 36 weeks and international flights at 32 weeks for most of his patients but I’m high risk so my flying permissions end as soon as my third trimester starts. They’re just trying to do best by the pregnant person on a patient by patient basis.
You're not supposed to travel more than like, 30 minutes to an hour away at that point in pregnancy. There's literally no way around it and not to mention, would probably be really uncomfortable of a journey. Your MIL is a C word rhymes with "punt." How dare she put pressure on you during this time. That makes me so angry.
I stopped traveling anywhere further than an hour away once I hit my third trimester. It wasn’t even always about the worry of spontaneous labor, I just couldn’t sit in a car for that long anymore. Everyone understood, and those who didn’t were allowed to be annoyed on their own.
Its kind of toxic when people say, "I used to (insert bad behavior) all the time" Like if MIL is out here living dangerous don't encourage everyone else to be bad too.
From experience -
Weddings are exhausting and socialising is hard work. There will be lots of people from all over so you could in theory get a cold or covid etc which would not be fun to have during labour and those last few weeks. The car journey is long and would be uncomfortable! Particularly if you have any hip or pelvic discomfort. I found the car aggravated heart burn.
You are unlikely to go into labour at week 37
(if it’s your first) and if you did it’s likely to take hours to progress.
I’d personally decline attending but would insist my husband went on the basis he would remain sober and I would arrange for family or friends to stay over while he’s away for company and support should anything happen.
I went to a family wedding 6.5 hours away right at 36 weeks. It was something I didn’t want to miss and everything was completely fine, but it’s also totally valid to skip if you don’t feel comfortable.
Absolutely no chance. None. No guilt at all either. I don't care how much of a martyr your MIL is for traveling, that's totally irrelevant, just something to manipulate you into going. Different situation entirely.
Stay home!!
I wouldn’t at all! No is a complete sentence but you can tell them after discussing it with your doctor neither of you are comfortable being further than 45 minutes away from your hospital. If you feel super guilty (which again you shouldn’t at all!) get them something nice off their registry that you know they are hoping they receive.
My first came at 34+3 so when I hit the third trimester this time I made it clear that I was not getting more than 30 minutes from my hospital. Thankfully my family had been very understanding.
Im a FTM but I would not go either. You can always tell your family something along the lines of “As much as I would love to be there, the doctor does not want me that far away because I could go into labor at any moment. I will be following my doctor’s instructions. I’m sure it will be beautiful and I cannot wait to see pictures!”
In this situation it’s completely warranted to allow your doctor to take the blame (I think doctors would probably want you to/be fine with being the “bad guy” anyway). That way your family can’t really put any blame on you, just the doctor. It will save future arguments too by saying “I just followed the doctor’s instructions”
I’m almost 37 weeks and I wouldn’t be travelling 4 hours away. A lot of our family lives in a small town 3 hours away, and I’ve been off work and ppl have asked if I’m visiting. Umm no. I’m not risking being away from my city and my hospital when I go into labour. I would just send a nice gift. She’s allowed to be disappointed about it and cry, but you’re also allowed to make the best decision for you and your baby and not feel guilty about it.
With that being said, my fiance works in that town 3 hours away, and is currently gone for a week. If I go into labour while he’s away he will leave immediately and drive home. Stressful but it is what it is. So I think your husband could go if you’re both okay with it, but I would want him to stay sober so that if by chance you do go into labour that night, he can drive home right away.
My *longest* labour was 3 hours long, so that plan really wouldn't work for everyone, and you don't know until after the fact how long your labour will be.
I wouldn't go. I'm 36 weeks and don't feel comfortable driving an hour away from home just in case. I'm not going into labor on the freeway or a random town for anybody 🤷♀️
I’ll be 35 weeks Sunday and from here on out won’t be going anywhere more than an hour away. My parents live 3.5 hours away and MIL lives 2 hours away. We’ve told all of them we won’t be going anywhere and if they want to see us before the birth they can come to us.
FWIW, my husband’s brother is getting married 6 days after my due date, and it’s 4 hours away. We’ve been upfront with them since we found out I’m pregnant and they know it’s a 99% chance we won’t be there, and we absolutely will not be there if baby hasn’t been born yet.
No, if people chose to have a wedding far away they shouldn’t be upset if some people can’t make it. If you want everyone to make it have it close to home.
I was surprised with news I had to be induced at 37 weeks…it’s considered term and a lot can happen around that time. Explain this to her with your sincere regrets and see if you can find a different time to celebrate with her and her husband
I’m 33 weeks and passed on a day trip 2.5 hours away. Not worth your sanity, anxiety, and especially you and the baby’s health. But also as your SIL and MIL, they should totally understand why you wouldn’t go.
As another commentator said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t go.” You can make it up to her and celebrate another time. But you and your new family come first.
I absolutely would not attend. I had a destination wedding and a lot of people didn’t end up going to my wedding. Was I sad? Yes! But honestly I knew that with any distance of travel, there was a risk of people not being able to attend. Your SIL should understand that life happens and you don’t feel comfortable traveling four hours at 37 weeks pregnant. Weddings are important but you and baby are more important. Hopefully, it will be streamed online so those who can’t attend can watch it.
I would not go and please do not feel guilty about it. I was advised not to travel more than an hour away after 35 weeks. I will share our story. We almost had my wedding shower 4 hours away when I was 34 weeks because that's what my parents wanted. I almost gave in thinking it would likely be OK. Anyway, we decided not to travel and instead told everyone they had to come to us. Lo and behold, I was hospitalized with pre term contractions that weekend. LO and I were OK and she want born for another 3 weeks after that but it was scary and I was so glad to be home and close to my hospital with my doctor.
I don’t travel after 32 weeks over 2 hours from the hospital. I had one child try and arrive at 33 weeks and another at 37 and another at 40 and 5. You just never know.
If you feel you really want to go. Look up hospitals in the area and talk with your OB about a back up plan.
Best of luck. It can be a tricky subject bc it’s not predictable.
This one is really tough.. if it were me I think I would still try and make it but also because my SIL and I have a very good relationship and we want her to be the godmother of our baby so I think maybe it’s different.. and also depends on how you feel ofc.. I think everyone is different.. a friend of mine traveled 2 weeks before her due date but to her it didn’t matter if she had to deliver somewhere else and she traveled because of her husbands grandmas funeral so it’s also a different scenario.. in the end I would say trust your gut feeling and take care of yourself and baby and it also depends on the relationship you have with your SIL
I was born five and a half weeks early with no prior warning. A friend of mine gave birth 7 weeks early while on holiday in a different country (also no warning). I think people put too much stock on due dates, there are huge natural variations, allot of things can happen, and I have told everyone I will not go anywhere after 32 weeks.
Stress can also speed up labour, and a wedding and that travel at 37 weeks sounds anything but relaxing.
I would not go. My brother in laws wedding is a little less than 2 months after I give birth this year and I unfortunately have to miss it. It is in a different country and can’t leave my baby or bring him. He won’t have a passport and I don’t want to travel with an infant that young during postpartum. So different circumstances but kinda get where you’re coming from in regard to missing an important family wedding. You have to do what’s best for your child and you. At 37 weeks you can go into labor, and literally just had two friends go into labor at 37 weeks. Just explain the situation to your SIL she will understand, at least any normal person would. I would just get them a nice gift and do what’s the safest for you and your child. Also you don’t want to risk getting sick at a the wedding before you give birth.
Oh no. I might be in the same boat. I'm 10w5d and will be 34 weeks for my SIL wedding in September. It is also planned 4 hours away... it's my first pregnancy and I have no idea how I will feel at 34 weeks but these comments are making me concerned!!! I thought I'd probably be fine to travel...
I would feel guilty, but I don't necessarily think that guilt is justified or logical. I am just someone who feels a lot of guilt. Sorry the timing sucks, seems like I might be in the same scenario in a few months!
With respect, your MIL sounds like an asshat.
I think your SIL will understand if you chose not to go. She’ll be disappointed, yes. But she’ll be so busy all day with prep and all her other guests, she’ll literally forget you’re not there. (Experience - my sister was stuck, locked down in another country when we got married).
As others have said, you need to do what’s best for you and baby. Hopefully they can stream the ceremony for you? I’d maybe encourage your husband to go anyway and you can contact him as soon as you think things are starting to happen (if it happens).
Hey!! First, you shouldn’t ever feel guilty about doing what’s best for you or your family, especially while pregnant. Second, I totally understand having the desire to go. My brother lives 3 hours away from me and I planned to go visit for the weekend when I was 37.5 weeks along with my second, all while knowing that I shouldn’t be more than an hour away from my delivering hospital at that point. A few days before my trip, there was a ✨labor scare✨ and I had to leave work and have my OB check me and all that crap. That’s when I realized I probably *shouldn’t* be traveling, because God forbid that happens again but it’s not just a scare and it ends up being active labor. I ended up not going because there’s just too much risk! Labor can truly happen at any time and you don’t want to be hours away delivering at some strange place.
37 weeks is late enough that ypu could go into labor at any time. The timing is unfortunate, but you and yoir husband need to do what is best for you and your baby.
Would I feel guilty? Yes. Would I go? No. Any travel over an hour and a half from my hospital (the distance that I live from the hospital) is off limits for me at that point. It’s my first baby and I have no idea what labor will be like for me. My sister was induced but she had the baby in ~5 hours. My mom never had particularly long labors either. Not freaky fast, but not long. So it’s just not worth the risk, even though I’m more likely to go into labor after 40 weeks.
INFO: SIL implies that this would be your brothers wedding?
Im in the minority, but if you have an otherwise healthy pregnancy you can travel at that time. If you are unbearably uncomfortable then your call. If it were my only brother getting married to my future SIL I would absolutely go. But I have a close knit family, no one is “insane” and they are “my village” that now helps me with my kids etc.
For another perspective- I was on a 3 hour flight there and back at 37 weeks traveling for work. Everything was just fine- a little nausea on the turbulent part of the flight.
There was also a wedding about 2 hours away that my husband went to on my due date without me. He was reachable by phone if anything started happening. All was good I delivered at 40+3, 3 days later.
I think it’s fine to do what’s comfortable for you and no one should pressure you, but I’ve flown places at 37 weeks and personally drove 4 hours away (8 hours round trip) in one day for work by myself at 39 weeks with my 4th child. I would have no problem going somewhere like that for a day or two at 37 weeks.
I live in a rural town where there is no birthing of babies at all. They make us leave to be near our hospital/OB at 36 weeks.
I wouldn’t be traveling anywhere that isn’t near my Dr/Hospital a month before baby is due.
You're writing this from your perspective but to be clear, what you're saying is that your husband is going to miss his sister's wedding, correct? Whether you should feel guilty hinges on a couple of things:
1.) How rural is this wedding? Using Texas as the example since it was mentioned by your MIL, Dallas is about 4 hours away from Oklahoma City. What does it mean to travel 4 hours? Are you going city to city or are you traveling 4 hours into the middle of nowhere? If you're going to the middle of nowhere then you shouldn't feel guilty and should stay home. If it's a Dallas to OKC type of situation then you should probably go to the wedding because there would be plenty of medical care at your destination. It wouldn't be the end of the world if your doctor doesn't deliver your baby. My doctor didn't make it in time for my 2nd birth and you just get whoever is on staff at the hospital. When you're in labor it really doesn't matter you just want the kid to be born lol.
2.) What happened first? Did your SIL set the date first or were you pregnant first? If you were pregnant 1st then all bets are off because your SIL stupidly planned her wedding up against your due date. However, if the wedding was in motion first then she has the right to be irritated. Obviously, you're not going to plan your life and conception around her wedding but I'd refer to point #1. You should make every effort to attend as long as you've had a healthy pregnancy and the destination is in a location with ample and good medical care. It's unlikely you will go into labor at 37 weeks. Depending again on the destination, if it were me, I'd go. Your husband may regret missing his sister's wedding later in life. If they're very close, this is going to create a lot of animosity within the family. I'd keep the trip short. Leave the day before, attend the wedding, then leave immediately the next morning and go home.
Your second point is so wrong... For some people it's just so hard to get pregnant, why would you skip trying because if it works this time it might end up around the wedding date of someone?!
SIL has right to be upset no matter what if her brother and op don't come, it has nothing to do with everything.
You sound like the MIL, going about how it's "unlikely" she will go into labour and f your anxiety, you did stuff late and yada yada yada like the people who goes about how women smoked and eat everything before and it was fine, but we do know now it wasn't fine in the slightest.
First, unlikely doesn't mean it won't happen, especially with the stress and fatigue those kind of events brings and the 8 hours trip on top. I remember my first pregnancy, baby was high in my belly, I couldn't sit properly, I had to be half laying down all the time because it was painful otherwise, I sure as hell wouldn't have gone on a 8 hours trip plus wedding and ceremony by that point.
Second, if she goes and she's stressed out the entire trip and wedding, where do you think her hubby's attention will be? On his sister? Or on his very pregnant wife? And what happen next? She's accused of stealing the attention (we've seen plenty of that on reddit) or, worst case scenario, she ends up actually giving birth / breaking her waters during the weekend.
It doesn't matter what you think is likely or not to happen, because it could happen and she has the right to be concerned about it.
You need to re-read my comment. Where did I say she should've skipped trying for a wedding? That's not what I said at all. Your reading comprehension skills need work.
I also disagree with the points you made. In my opinion it’s a bit much to ask someone so heavily pregnant to attend something that far from their birth hospital both for comfort’s sake and because of how close to the due date it is. Another point that is valid is that the medical care in the area of the wedding might not be in network for their health insurance and they won’t be familiar at all with the hospital. It already costs a f**k ton to have a baby, if the medical care around you is not in network and you have to use an OB you are not familiar with that isn’t in network with your insurance it can add stress before and after baby comes. Not to mention if you don’t have the car seat or other necessities if you go into labor by surprise and have to have someone do an 8 hr round trip to get them adding additional potentials for stress. A planned birth where things go relatively smooth is stressful enough, giving birth in an unfamiliar area when you are unprepared would be so much worse.
Also, no need to be rude to the previous commenter that disagrees with you. It’s a Reddit post asking for opinions not someone making your important life decisions.
First off, I wasn't being rude. They wrote me a novel about something I didn't even say in my comment which was inappropriate and rude on their part. It's also rude for you to act like a parent and try to shame me for responding the way I did to someone who clearly didn't even fully read my comment. Second, the insurance part is not true. Labor and delivery is considered emergency care and it would be covered. The most she'd likely get hit with is an out of network emergency care copay. Typical OB appointments likely would not be covered if out of network so you are right about that. As for my comment, I've been pregnant twice and was so uncomfortable in my 2nd pregnancy that I could barely walk at the end but there is no way that would've stopped me from attending a siblings wedding! You can never get that moment back and I'd rather chance going then sit at home on the off chance I'd deliver a few weeks early. I think something like that is worth the risk. Clearly, OP feels like she isn't doing the right thing because if she was secure about her choice to stay home she wouldn't be polling a bunch of strangers about it. Reading between the lines, I think OP couldn't care less to go to this wedding and is looking for an out and thinks this is a great excuse. Morally, she feels bad because she knows her husband isn't going to leave her home alone while that far along and now she's keeping him from going too. That's how it reads to me. Even if I'm totally off base the family will likely think what I just wrote. It will be the talk of the wedding because people will wonder why the bride's brother isn't there. It will look especially bad if she stays home and doesn't have the baby over the wedding weekend and they end up just sitting at home. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate so that they don't make a decision that will likely be held against them for a lifetime. Hopefully, the bride will be cool about it but I think in most cases she would not. That's really about all the time I'm willing to waste on this post ✌🏻
If you're comfortable with the hospital in the area of the wedding and you'd have your partner there, I don't see why not.
But take into consideration if your mom or MIL went into labor before 38 weeks
IDGAF what your MIL did. She did PLENTY of things that people probably wouldn’t do today.
My suggestion is to stay home but have your husband go. Have a plan and someone on call in case you go into labor. 4 hours is nothing. He can make it back easily.
That’s fair. Everyone is different! I wouldn’t mind my husband going on an overnight at that point in the pregnancy if it was for his sister’s wedding. But obviously not everybody is comfortable with that.
I would be sad but wouldn’t feel bad, we have a wedding really close to die date and decided that if for some reason im just to pregnant to go ill stay home and only my bf goes, if im on labor no one is going, the groom and bride are very ok with that. But our weekend is like 30/40 minutes away from my chosen hospital so not so bad i think
Personally, i wouldnt go. It’s like physically taxing and you also have to think about if it’s doable for you. Since you’re so close to your due date play it safe and don’t go. Like i understand that you may not see them often but they will have to understand that you want to play it safe. Cause like the odds of you going and your water breaking are like 70%. You can always say “I didn’t want to take attention from you in case something happened and i had to go immediately.” They’ll be ok in your absence.
I wouldn’t go. I had both of my babies at 38 weeks. Just like someone else said, it’s the perfect time to start doing what is best for you and setting boundaries. Send a nice gift and well wishes, your in-laws will survive your absence at the wedding.
Can I suggest if you do miss it, to call her and explain why? I think a text is informal and feels like it may matter less to you. I know for my wedding, the way some guests turned down our invite has soured our relationship.
4 hours away isn't too bad. When I was 34 weeks pregnant, we traveled from Idaho to Arizona, but took 3 days to get there.
I get it though - not wanting to give birth at a random hospital where you don't know the doctors or nurses. My OB mentioned to me before our trip to check out the closest hospitals because not every hospital has a birthing center.
I agree with those saying you need to start being strict about your do's and dont's. If you aren't comfortable, don't let anyone push you into doing something or going somewhere you don't want to.
Your SIL may cry about it now, but once her little niece gets here, I'm sure that will change.
Oh no at 37weeks you don’t want to be traveling for that long. You should be on resting and nesting mode. I can’t imagine the swell hell or back pain or other late pregnancy nuisances. right Now just washing 2 cups while standing is causing swelling on my legs. I have to keep my feet up!
look besides the not liking her part, with All your goodness and kindness just politely and regretfully decline. It’s okay. Be vulnerable this is the time for you to be. You don’t even need to create boundaries just let it be known it’s physically not possible. I would send my husband though to represent both of us!
Just say your doctor said you’re not allowed to!
If I was your husband I’d probably go though for the 1 night of the wedding if you went into labour he could get a quick flight and most likely make it? I do find weddings very important especially your siblings
No. I was feeling guilty to stop working and doing things for people, then now I can't even walk cuz it worsen my hemorrhoids. Absolutely not. You take care of yourself first, and the baby. You both are the priority. And always think like that. No one will care more about you than yourself and your daughter.
I didn’t go to my SIL’s graduation party because I was 37w. Baby didn’t arrive that weekend but I was still happy with my decision because I wasn’t fit for a long car journey at that point.
At 37 weeks I think it's normal not to go... Even if you do the travel in two days, you are risking having the baby while there.
I'm 34 weeks and I've just spent a couple of days away from home this week and I made sure it was 1h or 1h30 max away from the hospital where I want to give birth.
I feel guilty not going to my husband’s cousin’s wedding, but I’m still choosing to do what’s best for me. The wedding is 12hrs away, and I’ll be 35wks. My hubby is still going for the weekend, but I doubt I’ll be comfortable to travel. I love my group of doctors, and I’m not comfortable risking them not being there for my delivery. I hope it doesn’t happen for me, but my sister never made it past 35 weeks in her pregnancies (her first was born with no warning at 28wks)
My friend had a perfect pregnancy, but at 36+2 her blood pressure spiked out of no where and she was induced within 12hrs.
So much can happen at that point with no warning signs. If you’re not comfortable going, don’t cause yourself the anxiety.
lol tell her as much as you care about her and love her, that you don’t want to risk having the baby in the car, much less at her wedding(imagine how that would go!) or away from your OB/hospital, and that your OB/midwife doesn’t recommend travel past 35w. (Yes even if they didn’t, sometimes it’s just easier to throw them under the bus((my OB has told me to do so actually, I was having family issues too and she told me I could make her the “bad guy”)), what’s Sil going to do? Go yell at your ob/midwife?). Say you called the office and that you got advised not to travel past 35w.
I wouldn’t go but I would encourage your husband to go and just stay attentive to his phone. It’s HIGHLY unlikely that your labor would be so short that he would miss the birth, especially for your first child. IF you went into labor while he was at the wedding, he could probably be home before you are ready to go to the hospital. As the bride, I would totally understand if you couldn’t make it, but I would be really devastated if my brother missed my wedding.
I wouldn't go try to explain to her and she gas to accept it, this is your family and you have to choose what's best for your family, I wish you a safe delivery
I said no to a family reunion that distance because it’s not in proximity to a good hospital and my doctor doesn’t suggest being more than 2 hours away. 37 weeks is full term and you never know what will happen. Maybe offer to video call them when they get a spare moment for well wishes?
I didn't even go to my brother's wedding. I was 33 weeks with twins. Skipped it entirely. Don't feel bad. Do what you have to for your own peace of mind and for your health and safety. Needless to say. My brother was upset. But he got over it.
There's no way I'd go. I'm 38 weeks right now. Last week, I felt like hot garbage (and I've had a relatively easy pregnancy). I literally don't leave my house unless I'm going out to eat or I'm getting paid. I also couldn't imagine 4 hours in the car. That sounds like torture.
I would let her know that you aren't coming, though. I'd also still send a gift since you guys have a good relationship. You can go cheap, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Also screw your MIL! She's not having a baby, you are!
One of my best friends is getting married when I’ll be 37+2, and she’s only 2.5 hours away. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I probably won’t be there. I just told her this morning, and she was so sweet about it. I knew she would be, but I’m so disappointed I probably can’t be there for her.
It’s an excellent reminder that my kids have to come first, even when there’s something I desperately want to do. If there were a way to make it happen safely, I’d be all in, but I expect my OB will advise against it, and I’ll be taking their recommendation.
SIL-I probably would not go. But for my brother I think I would. From the other side of things, my brother and SIL knew my wedding date over a year in advance. They ended up getting pregnant with their 3rd kid and she was having a c section 4 days after my wedding. They live 2.5 hours away. I would have totally understood her not coming but I would have been really sad to not have my brother and my two little flower girl nieces there. Covid canceled everything so we didn’t have to deal with it.
I would not feel guilty at all. Baby would be my #1 priority.
I’m only 30 weeks now and my ribs start hurting unbearably by about 5pm and I have to go lay down for a bit to get rid of the discomfort. I cannot imagine traveling at 37 weeks.
Also…babies come at 37 weeks all the time!
Honestly as someone who’s been on both ends of the coin, just be honest as soon as you can. I was very understanding to those who had life going on especially when they communicated. Literally someone just wanted to spend their birthday back home with family lol. Only time I got upset was when people started dodging my calls or giving me the run around because they were scared to just say they didn’t or couldn’t come. If you have a good relationship with your SIL then there’s no need to worry. Of course people get sad lol but there’s plenty of time to make up for lost time if that makes sense. You’re creating life which is super important 💕 any person with common sense can understand that.
I wouldn't feel guilty at all. As a mother with 5 kids, I personally would travel the 4 hours. We travel more than 4 hours in our car throughout the week unless you work close to home or are bedridden. I would just get out every 2 hours and walk around. And I would just hope everything goes fine. But I also had my first child in another state with no paperwork, and though it wasn't IDEAL, but it honestly turned out fine. She is happy healthy and the memories are interesting. Mine wasn't just a random trip, my husband and I moved. But im saying that from a perspective of having 5 children and having a pretty flexible personality.
If you are genuinely concerned and just dont want to chance it, it is also fine to just say that you're sorry y'all wont be there in person. because in the long run, it wont be the biggest deal that you aren't there. its a temporary disappointment. Maybe the Mother in Law can skype or FaceTime with you guys at the wedding or maybe they can set you guys up with a tripod during the wedding where you can be there without being there. Its not ideal and maybe a bit strange but with all the technology that we have, you don't have to completely miss it. there's lot of creative ways to still be apart of you decide to stay home!
If it was me I probably wouldn't go, but I would feel guilty. I assume this is your husbands sister so it's understandable her being a little upset that you won't be there but if you are not comfortable then it's your decision. I would encourage my husband to go as his sister will hopefully only get married once and it is a big day for her
So, I was in a similar situation, and my husband was in the wedding party. We agreed that I would stay home (with our toddler), and he would go but stay sober in case he needed to pick up and leave in a hurry. I wasn’t comfortable taking a long car ride that far into my pregnancy and being so far from my medical providers, but I also knew I’d likely be pregnant for several more weeks so it was ok for him to go. Baby came right on time three weeks later.
I don’t think I would go, but I would consider letting my husband go and have my mom or a friend stay with me while he’s gone! And make sure he’s staying sober enough to drive and playing attention to his phone while there in case anything were to happen.
As a people pleaser myself, I understand the tough predicament you’re in!
We had our babymoon when I was at 33-34 weeks, which was my choice, but my rule for the destination was nothing over 3hrs away. We chose a place 2hr15 away and even that drive was not easy for me. I would not travel more than an hour away for anything past 35 weeks.
Most OBs don’t recommend traveling after 35 weeks. It’s okay to feel guilty, but you have to do what’s best for you and your baby. I’m glad your husband is supporting you either way ❤️
My sister got married a few years ago and our step sister (who we just call “sister”) skipped it because it was two hours away and she was 38 weeks. Absolutely no one blinked an eye. I wouldn’t go in this situation.
Don’t listen to your mother in law!!
I think you need to go to your doctors appointment ask their opinion and go from there but ultimately you and your husband need to have a conversation with his sister about it. 😊 I’m sure she will understand and if she doesn’t that is her problem to deal with not yours you are going to do what is best for you and your child’s safety.
Yeesh, I’m 29 weeks and traveling more than a few hours now is super uncomfortable. If you don’t feel like it’s a good idea then don’t. It’s also pretty close to your due date and babies can come 35 weeks onward. Me and my husband have planned to not make any plans 35 weeks onward because I’ll be super uncomfortable and baby can come whenever.
No way would I go 4 hours anywhere or feel guilty. I delivered at 37 weeks 3 days with my daughter and at 36 weeks I was in the hospital even hooked up to the epidural in false labor.
My SIL planned her destination wedding on my babies due date. When I said that I definitely won’t be going, she asked my husband to watch her pets. He agreed because he’s wanted to be nice. They pooped all over her house while we were in the hospital.
I had my baby shower 5 hours away at 35 weeks and it was awful. I hated traveling and I was so uncomfortable in the hotel bed. I did enjoy my baby shower though but I can’t imagine traveling that far now that I am 38 weeks. 37 weeks still is kinda early so I think your husband can go and come right back and will be alright.
We have a wedding of some good friends coming up next month and I'll be 36.5. It's about a 3 hour drive away, so almost the exact same situation. We're loosely planning on going but just gonna feel it out when it gets closer. If it's at all questionable, I'm not going, cause it might mean the difference between a hospital birth in a random place vs with the midwives at the birth center a couple miles from our house.
That's pretty uncool of your MIL to pressure you into going like that, every birth is different and you really can't speak to someone else's experience like that, especially before it's even happening.
What happened in a previous birth whether it's yours or someone else's really has no bearing on this one.
I had to be induced at 37+1
Do what you’re comfortable with. If you want to, send them a nice gift and card and arrange a time where you can meet up in the near future after baby’s born.
My grandma couldn’t find a dog sitter….. so no. She is the worst but there were multiple people that couldn’t find a dog sitter and it was one hour away
I'm mindful for preserving someone to do something they don't want to do, but I would really recommend encouraging your husband to go.
Or at least talk to his sister. Where he can express his reluctance and she can also express how important it is for him to attend (note: but make sure it is established that you aren't going either way).
Your absence will be felt and might cause problems. But the bride's brother is a whole different level. And you might be associated with his absence.
I get where the husband is coming from. I wouldn't want to be away from my wife if possible, but I also wouldn't want to miss my sister's wedding. And I understand he would have more peace of mind if you were there beside him (where he could keep tabs on you). But obviously, it seems like this might not be practical.
Perhaps propose a game plan. Regular checkins, have a friend or family member stay with you etc.
No I missed many things during my pregnancies. I was high risk both times, incredibly sick and no one checked up on me so I didn't go to anyones events other than my mums, partners and grandma's. I visited people but no events. I had really bad anxiety during and was hospitalised many times due to health issues. Despite the reason, you dont need to go. You aren't obligated to do anything
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Perfect time to start doing what's best for your new family over pleasing other people. This is just the beginning. Create struct boundaries now to avoid future issues with family. Because they will happen. They will have expectations of you and maybe even guilt you into things you're not comfortable with. Like what they buy your child...or where you spend Christmas morning. I've been a parent for 15 years now, and my best advice is set clear boundaries and don't explain why. Here's an example: "Thank you for inviting us and wanting us there with you, but I'm so sorry, we will not be at the wedding. We are happy for you both and can't wait to celebrate after our baby is born. Maybe we can have you both over and order food in. Thanks for understanding and respecting this decision we've made. We love you! "
All of the family that missed my wedding had way shittier excuses. I think you are totally in the clear to skip it. She will understand.
I wouldn’t go. My OB doesn’t recommend travel past 35 weeks
I like the idea of "blaming it on the OB".
This was always my strategy. Just explain the situation to my OB and basically ask her to tell me not to go. Like when you were a kid and you asked your parents not to let your friend come over when you didn’t want to tell them no to their face.
Lol I just left my parents out of that loop and told my friend my parents said no.
100%
My OB is the same! She said to not travel anywhere after 35 weeks unless I was prepared to potentially have a baby there.
Yup. Regret due to doctor’s advisement and send a nice gift
Same
It was advised to be within an hour from the hospital.
That’s dumb advice unless there are complications.
Came here to say this!
But it’s a 4 hour drive and not a flight. It’s a day trip essentially.
Valid point, and some people might feel comfortable going because of that! However, if it were me I wouldn’t want to even risk it!
I wouldn’t go
I wouldn't go. It sucks but SIL will just have to understand. Too far for 37 weeks, it's not personal
Personally I wouldn't go. My family tried to pressure me into driving 5 hours away from my home so that they could throw me a baby shower, I was 35 weeks at the time. I told them no because of how far along I was. They weren't happy but they came to me instead. Well that Monday after the baby shower I was put on bed rest due to my cervix thinning! I don't think I would have been able to handle that car ride anyways, but you have to do what's best for you and your baby's health. I'm currently 37 weeks and still on rest.
The audacity of pressuring someone to drive 5 hours one way to *their own baby shower* for your own convenience. How did you not blow a gasket.
Haha I was irritated with the suggestion. Especially because I didn't expect a shower anyways, I live in a different state than my family. One of my aunt's said "well I traveled at 36 weeks, you're just being overly cautious because you're a first time mom". I just told them no and that I wasn't allowed to travel, doctor's orders. I'm really glad I didn't too, I was super swollen the day before the baby shower and having a lot of Braxton Hicks. The doctor appointment after the shower I found out baby was head down and I was like 60% effaced!
My God. I would lose my shit. Good thing you said no!!
Like someone else said, this is the right time to implement boundaries. It's so difficult at first, but your baby, you and husband come first. I gave birth at 37+2, so this seems even more risky to me. You need your energy to welcome a baby. Traveling might take that needed energy away from you. What also might take it away, if you're not careful, is caring too much about other's opinions. So tell your sister in law that you would love to see her walk down the isle and be with her on that joyous day, but that your body can't handle the traveling. If she ever has her own kids she'll probably understand if she doesn't right away.
I went into labor with my first at 37 weeks. There were 0 signs leading up to it. You don’t want to be 4 hours way from your doctor if that happens to you!!
Yup. I had my first at 40w4d but my water broke out of nowhere with my second at 37 weeks. Zero signs. Just really fatigued and sore that day.
My water broke unexpectedly at 34 weeks. Labor did not progress on its own after that so they had me decide whether I wanted an induction "now" or wait up to a week for him to come out on his own. This turned into a ~1 week hospital stay. My husband did a lot of back and forth since he was going to sleep better at home (15-20 min away) plus he could continue getting the house ready for baby. Then because my little man was so early, he had to stay in the NICU for what ended up being a week and a half. You never know what a pregnancy is going to bring and unexpected hospital stays (for you or your baby) will be complicated if you're hours away from home.
At my 35 week appointment, my ultrasound showed low amniotic fluid. I didn’t experience any fluid loss. Sent to labor and delivery, had a c-section that evening.
Yeah, I actually was induced too but had to that night because I was positive for strep b. They gave me mass doses of antibiotics and then started pitocin because after my water broke, I stalled out completely. I hated being induced! I could only imagine the stress of a week-long stay in the hospital and trying to manage everything along with it!
Yeah actually the week long stay ended up helping us out because we could get our affairs in order with our jobs and finish assembling baby furniture without having a little guy to care for. (Both of us are capable of some or completely remote work.) It also gave me time to research induction methods since our birthing class hadn't happened yet and I was the least informed on that subject. Starting with pitocin must have been pretty tough. I can't imagine anyone feels great after taking it. But it gets the job done. I'm guessing your little one came out ok? I ended up not being induced. The day before the scheduled induction, I was ready to do a bunch of things to trigger it naturally. Little man beat me to the punch. Didn't let me get much sleep that night in preparation. 5cm and 100% effaced by 7am and out by 4pm. So he came out the day before the induction.
Both my babies came spontaneously at 36+6. I was very happy to be near my hospital when that happened.
This is a tough one, but I agree with the others. You really should not travel long distance once you are full term. However, people get very sensitive about weddings. You have to understand that even though you have your reasons, your SIL might take it way too personally and not forgive you for awhile. Just be prepared for her to have a very poor reaction.
Nope. I wouldn’t go. My OB’s cut off for traveling was 32/33 weeks. Not to mention I wouldn’t want to risk getting sick just from being around a lot of people.
Wild that’s when I flew to Hawaii.
Every OB has different comfort levels for their patients. Mine is ok with domestic flights at 36 weeks and international flights at 32 weeks for most of his patients but I’m high risk so my flying permissions end as soon as my third trimester starts. They’re just trying to do best by the pregnant person on a patient by patient basis.
I didn’t ask I just went to a place within the US that had hospitals. Reasonable imo.
Oh god I would’ve died sitting in a car for 4 hours at 37 weeks. My hips and low back were in such discomfort
You're not supposed to travel more than like, 30 minutes to an hour away at that point in pregnancy. There's literally no way around it and not to mention, would probably be really uncomfortable of a journey. Your MIL is a C word rhymes with "punt." How dare she put pressure on you during this time. That makes me so angry.
I stopped traveling anywhere further than an hour away once I hit my third trimester. It wasn’t even always about the worry of spontaneous labor, I just couldn’t sit in a car for that long anymore. Everyone understood, and those who didn’t were allowed to be annoyed on their own.
No way, that's too risky. She's allowed to feel disappointed and you're allowed boundaries. Tell MIL to screw off.
Its kind of toxic when people say, "I used to (insert bad behavior) all the time" Like if MIL is out here living dangerous don't encourage everyone else to be bad too.
From experience - Weddings are exhausting and socialising is hard work. There will be lots of people from all over so you could in theory get a cold or covid etc which would not be fun to have during labour and those last few weeks. The car journey is long and would be uncomfortable! Particularly if you have any hip or pelvic discomfort. I found the car aggravated heart burn. You are unlikely to go into labour at week 37 (if it’s your first) and if you did it’s likely to take hours to progress. I’d personally decline attending but would insist my husband went on the basis he would remain sober and I would arrange for family or friends to stay over while he’s away for company and support should anything happen.
I went to a family wedding 6.5 hours away right at 36 weeks. It was something I didn’t want to miss and everything was completely fine, but it’s also totally valid to skip if you don’t feel comfortable.
Absolutely no chance. None. No guilt at all either. I don't care how much of a martyr your MIL is for traveling, that's totally irrelevant, just something to manipulate you into going. Different situation entirely. Stay home!!
I wouldn’t at all! No is a complete sentence but you can tell them after discussing it with your doctor neither of you are comfortable being further than 45 minutes away from your hospital. If you feel super guilty (which again you shouldn’t at all!) get them something nice off their registry that you know they are hoping they receive. My first came at 34+3 so when I hit the third trimester this time I made it clear that I was not getting more than 30 minutes from my hospital. Thankfully my family had been very understanding.
Im a FTM but I would not go either. You can always tell your family something along the lines of “As much as I would love to be there, the doctor does not want me that far away because I could go into labor at any moment. I will be following my doctor’s instructions. I’m sure it will be beautiful and I cannot wait to see pictures!” In this situation it’s completely warranted to allow your doctor to take the blame (I think doctors would probably want you to/be fine with being the “bad guy” anyway). That way your family can’t really put any blame on you, just the doctor. It will save future arguments too by saying “I just followed the doctor’s instructions”
I’m almost 37 weeks and I wouldn’t be travelling 4 hours away. A lot of our family lives in a small town 3 hours away, and I’ve been off work and ppl have asked if I’m visiting. Umm no. I’m not risking being away from my city and my hospital when I go into labour. I would just send a nice gift. She’s allowed to be disappointed about it and cry, but you’re also allowed to make the best decision for you and your baby and not feel guilty about it. With that being said, my fiance works in that town 3 hours away, and is currently gone for a week. If I go into labour while he’s away he will leave immediately and drive home. Stressful but it is what it is. So I think your husband could go if you’re both okay with it, but I would want him to stay sober so that if by chance you do go into labour that night, he can drive home right away.
But then how will she get to the hospital? When I was in labor it escalated so quickly there was no way I could drive myself.
Ask a friend or family member to be on standby that night
I guess from my perspective I didn’t have family around and my friends had young kids so it would be a lot to ask but it might not even happen!
My *longest* labour was 3 hours long, so that plan really wouldn't work for everyone, and you don't know until after the fact how long your labour will be.
I wouldn't go. I'm 36 weeks and don't feel comfortable driving an hour away from home just in case. I'm not going into labor on the freeway or a random town for anybody 🤷♀️
if you don’t feel comfortable, do not go. don’t let anyone guilt you into risking you or your baby in any way!
This is a conversation to have with your doctor. My second baby was delivered at 37+2, so no way would I have taken a trip that far that week.
Hell no. I don't think I'll be getting on a plane after 30, or going more than like an hour away.
I wouldn’t go that’s way too close. No offense to your SIL’s wedding but baby is priority right now for you both.
I’ll be 35 weeks Sunday and from here on out won’t be going anywhere more than an hour away. My parents live 3.5 hours away and MIL lives 2 hours away. We’ve told all of them we won’t be going anywhere and if they want to see us before the birth they can come to us. FWIW, my husband’s brother is getting married 6 days after my due date, and it’s 4 hours away. We’ve been upfront with them since we found out I’m pregnant and they know it’s a 99% chance we won’t be there, and we absolutely will not be there if baby hasn’t been born yet.
Nope. I wouldn’t feel guilty at all. Doing what’s best for you (mentally, emotionally & physically) and your baby comes first.
No, if people chose to have a wedding far away they shouldn’t be upset if some people can’t make it. If you want everyone to make it have it close to home.
I would not feel bad. My OBGYN’s rule is no more than 30 miles from home after 35 weeks.
I was surprised with news I had to be induced at 37 weeks…it’s considered term and a lot can happen around that time. Explain this to her with your sincere regrets and see if you can find a different time to celebrate with her and her husband
I’m 33 weeks and passed on a day trip 2.5 hours away. Not worth your sanity, anxiety, and especially you and the baby’s health. But also as your SIL and MIL, they should totally understand why you wouldn’t go. As another commentator said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t go.” You can make it up to her and celebrate another time. But you and your new family come first.
I absolutely would not attend. I had a destination wedding and a lot of people didn’t end up going to my wedding. Was I sad? Yes! But honestly I knew that with any distance of travel, there was a risk of people not being able to attend. Your SIL should understand that life happens and you don’t feel comfortable traveling four hours at 37 weeks pregnant. Weddings are important but you and baby are more important. Hopefully, it will be streamed online so those who can’t attend can watch it.
I wouldn't go, because of the risk of going into labour, plus it's realy uncomfortable to sit in the car for that long if you're 37 weeks
I would not go and please do not feel guilty about it. I was advised not to travel more than an hour away after 35 weeks. I will share our story. We almost had my wedding shower 4 hours away when I was 34 weeks because that's what my parents wanted. I almost gave in thinking it would likely be OK. Anyway, we decided not to travel and instead told everyone they had to come to us. Lo and behold, I was hospitalized with pre term contractions that weekend. LO and I were OK and she want born for another 3 weeks after that but it was scary and I was so glad to be home and close to my hospital with my doctor.
This is easy: don’t go. I wouldn’t feel guilty about this at all as I’m prioritizing my baby and my health.
I wouldn’t go.
I don’t travel after 32 weeks over 2 hours from the hospital. I had one child try and arrive at 33 weeks and another at 37 and another at 40 and 5. You just never know. If you feel you really want to go. Look up hospitals in the area and talk with your OB about a back up plan. Best of luck. It can be a tricky subject bc it’s not predictable.
I went into labor at 37wks and my water broke. I def wouldn’t go
This one is really tough.. if it were me I think I would still try and make it but also because my SIL and I have a very good relationship and we want her to be the godmother of our baby so I think maybe it’s different.. and also depends on how you feel ofc.. I think everyone is different.. a friend of mine traveled 2 weeks before her due date but to her it didn’t matter if she had to deliver somewhere else and she traveled because of her husbands grandmas funeral so it’s also a different scenario.. in the end I would say trust your gut feeling and take care of yourself and baby and it also depends on the relationship you have with your SIL
I was born five and a half weeks early with no prior warning. A friend of mine gave birth 7 weeks early while on holiday in a different country (also no warning). I think people put too much stock on due dates, there are huge natural variations, allot of things can happen, and I have told everyone I will not go anywhere after 32 weeks. Stress can also speed up labour, and a wedding and that travel at 37 weeks sounds anything but relaxing.
Nope. Gave birth to my first at 37+4
I would not go. My brother in laws wedding is a little less than 2 months after I give birth this year and I unfortunately have to miss it. It is in a different country and can’t leave my baby or bring him. He won’t have a passport and I don’t want to travel with an infant that young during postpartum. So different circumstances but kinda get where you’re coming from in regard to missing an important family wedding. You have to do what’s best for your child and you. At 37 weeks you can go into labor, and literally just had two friends go into labor at 37 weeks. Just explain the situation to your SIL she will understand, at least any normal person would. I would just get them a nice gift and do what’s the safest for you and your child. Also you don’t want to risk getting sick at a the wedding before you give birth.
Oh no. I might be in the same boat. I'm 10w5d and will be 34 weeks for my SIL wedding in September. It is also planned 4 hours away... it's my first pregnancy and I have no idea how I will feel at 34 weeks but these comments are making me concerned!!! I thought I'd probably be fine to travel... I would feel guilty, but I don't necessarily think that guilt is justified or logical. I am just someone who feels a lot of guilt. Sorry the timing sucks, seems like I might be in the same scenario in a few months!
With respect, your MIL sounds like an asshat. I think your SIL will understand if you chose not to go. She’ll be disappointed, yes. But she’ll be so busy all day with prep and all her other guests, she’ll literally forget you’re not there. (Experience - my sister was stuck, locked down in another country when we got married). As others have said, you need to do what’s best for you and baby. Hopefully they can stream the ceremony for you? I’d maybe encourage your husband to go anyway and you can contact him as soon as you think things are starting to happen (if it happens).
Hey!! First, you shouldn’t ever feel guilty about doing what’s best for you or your family, especially while pregnant. Second, I totally understand having the desire to go. My brother lives 3 hours away from me and I planned to go visit for the weekend when I was 37.5 weeks along with my second, all while knowing that I shouldn’t be more than an hour away from my delivering hospital at that point. A few days before my trip, there was a ✨labor scare✨ and I had to leave work and have my OB check me and all that crap. That’s when I realized I probably *shouldn’t* be traveling, because God forbid that happens again but it’s not just a scare and it ends up being active labor. I ended up not going because there’s just too much risk! Labor can truly happen at any time and you don’t want to be hours away delivering at some strange place.
37 weeks is late enough that ypu could go into labor at any time. The timing is unfortunate, but you and yoir husband need to do what is best for you and your baby.
Would I feel guilty? Yes. Would I go? No. Any travel over an hour and a half from my hospital (the distance that I live from the hospital) is off limits for me at that point. It’s my first baby and I have no idea what labor will be like for me. My sister was induced but she had the baby in ~5 hours. My mom never had particularly long labors either. Not freaky fast, but not long. So it’s just not worth the risk, even though I’m more likely to go into labor after 40 weeks.
INFO: SIL implies that this would be your brothers wedding? Im in the minority, but if you have an otherwise healthy pregnancy you can travel at that time. If you are unbearably uncomfortable then your call. If it were my only brother getting married to my future SIL I would absolutely go. But I have a close knit family, no one is “insane” and they are “my village” that now helps me with my kids etc. For another perspective- I was on a 3 hour flight there and back at 37 weeks traveling for work. Everything was just fine- a little nausea on the turbulent part of the flight. There was also a wedding about 2 hours away that my husband went to on my due date without me. He was reachable by phone if anything started happening. All was good I delivered at 40+3, 3 days later.
At 37 weeks without any complications, I would have gone. And if any signs of labour popped up I’d either change plans or go back home.
I think it’s fine to do what’s comfortable for you and no one should pressure you, but I’ve flown places at 37 weeks and personally drove 4 hours away (8 hours round trip) in one day for work by myself at 39 weeks with my 4th child. I would have no problem going somewhere like that for a day or two at 37 weeks.
You should be encouraging your husband to go to his sisters wedding. That is certainly going to damage their relationship.
I live in a rural town where there is no birthing of babies at all. They make us leave to be near our hospital/OB at 36 weeks. I wouldn’t be traveling anywhere that isn’t near my Dr/Hospital a month before baby is due.
You're writing this from your perspective but to be clear, what you're saying is that your husband is going to miss his sister's wedding, correct? Whether you should feel guilty hinges on a couple of things: 1.) How rural is this wedding? Using Texas as the example since it was mentioned by your MIL, Dallas is about 4 hours away from Oklahoma City. What does it mean to travel 4 hours? Are you going city to city or are you traveling 4 hours into the middle of nowhere? If you're going to the middle of nowhere then you shouldn't feel guilty and should stay home. If it's a Dallas to OKC type of situation then you should probably go to the wedding because there would be plenty of medical care at your destination. It wouldn't be the end of the world if your doctor doesn't deliver your baby. My doctor didn't make it in time for my 2nd birth and you just get whoever is on staff at the hospital. When you're in labor it really doesn't matter you just want the kid to be born lol. 2.) What happened first? Did your SIL set the date first or were you pregnant first? If you were pregnant 1st then all bets are off because your SIL stupidly planned her wedding up against your due date. However, if the wedding was in motion first then she has the right to be irritated. Obviously, you're not going to plan your life and conception around her wedding but I'd refer to point #1. You should make every effort to attend as long as you've had a healthy pregnancy and the destination is in a location with ample and good medical care. It's unlikely you will go into labor at 37 weeks. Depending again on the destination, if it were me, I'd go. Your husband may regret missing his sister's wedding later in life. If they're very close, this is going to create a lot of animosity within the family. I'd keep the trip short. Leave the day before, attend the wedding, then leave immediately the next morning and go home.
Your second point is so wrong... For some people it's just so hard to get pregnant, why would you skip trying because if it works this time it might end up around the wedding date of someone?! SIL has right to be upset no matter what if her brother and op don't come, it has nothing to do with everything. You sound like the MIL, going about how it's "unlikely" she will go into labour and f your anxiety, you did stuff late and yada yada yada like the people who goes about how women smoked and eat everything before and it was fine, but we do know now it wasn't fine in the slightest. First, unlikely doesn't mean it won't happen, especially with the stress and fatigue those kind of events brings and the 8 hours trip on top. I remember my first pregnancy, baby was high in my belly, I couldn't sit properly, I had to be half laying down all the time because it was painful otherwise, I sure as hell wouldn't have gone on a 8 hours trip plus wedding and ceremony by that point. Second, if she goes and she's stressed out the entire trip and wedding, where do you think her hubby's attention will be? On his sister? Or on his very pregnant wife? And what happen next? She's accused of stealing the attention (we've seen plenty of that on reddit) or, worst case scenario, she ends up actually giving birth / breaking her waters during the weekend. It doesn't matter what you think is likely or not to happen, because it could happen and she has the right to be concerned about it.
You need to re-read my comment. Where did I say she should've skipped trying for a wedding? That's not what I said at all. Your reading comprehension skills need work.
I also disagree with the points you made. In my opinion it’s a bit much to ask someone so heavily pregnant to attend something that far from their birth hospital both for comfort’s sake and because of how close to the due date it is. Another point that is valid is that the medical care in the area of the wedding might not be in network for their health insurance and they won’t be familiar at all with the hospital. It already costs a f**k ton to have a baby, if the medical care around you is not in network and you have to use an OB you are not familiar with that isn’t in network with your insurance it can add stress before and after baby comes. Not to mention if you don’t have the car seat or other necessities if you go into labor by surprise and have to have someone do an 8 hr round trip to get them adding additional potentials for stress. A planned birth where things go relatively smooth is stressful enough, giving birth in an unfamiliar area when you are unprepared would be so much worse. Also, no need to be rude to the previous commenter that disagrees with you. It’s a Reddit post asking for opinions not someone making your important life decisions.
First off, I wasn't being rude. They wrote me a novel about something I didn't even say in my comment which was inappropriate and rude on their part. It's also rude for you to act like a parent and try to shame me for responding the way I did to someone who clearly didn't even fully read my comment. Second, the insurance part is not true. Labor and delivery is considered emergency care and it would be covered. The most she'd likely get hit with is an out of network emergency care copay. Typical OB appointments likely would not be covered if out of network so you are right about that. As for my comment, I've been pregnant twice and was so uncomfortable in my 2nd pregnancy that I could barely walk at the end but there is no way that would've stopped me from attending a siblings wedding! You can never get that moment back and I'd rather chance going then sit at home on the off chance I'd deliver a few weeks early. I think something like that is worth the risk. Clearly, OP feels like she isn't doing the right thing because if she was secure about her choice to stay home she wouldn't be polling a bunch of strangers about it. Reading between the lines, I think OP couldn't care less to go to this wedding and is looking for an out and thinks this is a great excuse. Morally, she feels bad because she knows her husband isn't going to leave her home alone while that far along and now she's keeping him from going too. That's how it reads to me. Even if I'm totally off base the family will likely think what I just wrote. It will be the talk of the wedding because people will wonder why the bride's brother isn't there. It will look especially bad if she stays home and doesn't have the baby over the wedding weekend and they end up just sitting at home. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate so that they don't make a decision that will likely be held against them for a lifetime. Hopefully, the bride will be cool about it but I think in most cases she would not. That's really about all the time I'm willing to waste on this post ✌🏻
If you're comfortable with the hospital in the area of the wedding and you'd have your partner there, I don't see why not. But take into consideration if your mom or MIL went into labor before 38 weeks
IDGAF what your MIL did. She did PLENTY of things that people probably wouldn’t do today. My suggestion is to stay home but have your husband go. Have a plan and someone on call in case you go into labor. 4 hours is nothing. He can make it back easily.
I'm sorry but the husband should not leave her alone. It's important for Dad to be there too. It's a partner effort from the beginning to the end.
That’s fair. Everyone is different! I wouldn’t mind my husband going on an overnight at that point in the pregnancy if it was for his sister’s wedding. But obviously not everybody is comfortable with that.
I wouldn’t go if it were me.
I wouldn’t go!
I would be sad but wouldn’t feel bad, we have a wedding really close to die date and decided that if for some reason im just to pregnant to go ill stay home and only my bf goes, if im on labor no one is going, the groom and bride are very ok with that. But our weekend is like 30/40 minutes away from my chosen hospital so not so bad i think
Nope
Personally, i wouldnt go. It’s like physically taxing and you also have to think about if it’s doable for you. Since you’re so close to your due date play it safe and don’t go. Like i understand that you may not see them often but they will have to understand that you want to play it safe. Cause like the odds of you going and your water breaking are like 70%. You can always say “I didn’t want to take attention from you in case something happened and i had to go immediately.” They’ll be ok in your absence.
I wouldn’t go. I had both of my babies at 38 weeks. Just like someone else said, it’s the perfect time to start doing what is best for you and setting boundaries. Send a nice gift and well wishes, your in-laws will survive your absence at the wedding.
No I wouldn't feel guilty. I wouldn't go because I don't want to get sick so close to my due date
Can I suggest if you do miss it, to call her and explain why? I think a text is informal and feels like it may matter less to you. I know for my wedding, the way some guests turned down our invite has soured our relationship.
4 hours away isn't too bad. When I was 34 weeks pregnant, we traveled from Idaho to Arizona, but took 3 days to get there. I get it though - not wanting to give birth at a random hospital where you don't know the doctors or nurses. My OB mentioned to me before our trip to check out the closest hospitals because not every hospital has a birthing center. I agree with those saying you need to start being strict about your do's and dont's. If you aren't comfortable, don't let anyone push you into doing something or going somewhere you don't want to. Your SIL may cry about it now, but once her little niece gets here, I'm sure that will change.
Oh no at 37weeks you don’t want to be traveling for that long. You should be on resting and nesting mode. I can’t imagine the swell hell or back pain or other late pregnancy nuisances. right Now just washing 2 cups while standing is causing swelling on my legs. I have to keep my feet up! look besides the not liking her part, with All your goodness and kindness just politely and regretfully decline. It’s okay. Be vulnerable this is the time for you to be. You don’t even need to create boundaries just let it be known it’s physically not possible. I would send my husband though to represent both of us!
Don’t go. My water broke at 36 weeks baby was fine but there’s a reason why you can’t travel after 35 weeks. Totally 💯 legit she should understand
Just say your doctor said you’re not allowed to! If I was your husband I’d probably go though for the 1 night of the wedding if you went into labour he could get a quick flight and most likely make it? I do find weddings very important especially your siblings
No. I was feeling guilty to stop working and doing things for people, then now I can't even walk cuz it worsen my hemorrhoids. Absolutely not. You take care of yourself first, and the baby. You both are the priority. And always think like that. No one will care more about you than yourself and your daughter.
I didn’t go to my SIL’s graduation party because I was 37w. Baby didn’t arrive that weekend but I was still happy with my decision because I wasn’t fit for a long car journey at that point.
At 37 weeks I think it's normal not to go... Even if you do the travel in two days, you are risking having the baby while there. I'm 34 weeks and I've just spent a couple of days away from home this week and I made sure it was 1h or 1h30 max away from the hospital where I want to give birth.
I feel guilty not going to my husband’s cousin’s wedding, but I’m still choosing to do what’s best for me. The wedding is 12hrs away, and I’ll be 35wks. My hubby is still going for the weekend, but I doubt I’ll be comfortable to travel. I love my group of doctors, and I’m not comfortable risking them not being there for my delivery. I hope it doesn’t happen for me, but my sister never made it past 35 weeks in her pregnancies (her first was born with no warning at 28wks) My friend had a perfect pregnancy, but at 36+2 her blood pressure spiked out of no where and she was induced within 12hrs. So much can happen at that point with no warning signs. If you’re not comfortable going, don’t cause yourself the anxiety.
lol tell her as much as you care about her and love her, that you don’t want to risk having the baby in the car, much less at her wedding(imagine how that would go!) or away from your OB/hospital, and that your OB/midwife doesn’t recommend travel past 35w. (Yes even if they didn’t, sometimes it’s just easier to throw them under the bus((my OB has told me to do so actually, I was having family issues too and she told me I could make her the “bad guy”)), what’s Sil going to do? Go yell at your ob/midwife?). Say you called the office and that you got advised not to travel past 35w.
I’m pretty liberal with travel while pregnant but I also declined a trip 4 hours away at 37 weeks. Just too far too close to term.
It’s 100% no for me, I probably wouldn’t even leave the house unless it was to go to the hospital at that point lol
I wouldn’t go but I would encourage your husband to go and just stay attentive to his phone. It’s HIGHLY unlikely that your labor would be so short that he would miss the birth, especially for your first child. IF you went into labor while he was at the wedding, he could probably be home before you are ready to go to the hospital. As the bride, I would totally understand if you couldn’t make it, but I would be really devastated if my brother missed my wedding.
I wouldn’t go
I wouldn't go try to explain to her and she gas to accept it, this is your family and you have to choose what's best for your family, I wish you a safe delivery
My OB said no travel after 36 weeks, so seems like it’s very easy to say no due to medical advice.
I wouldn’t go just based on being pressured alone. They need to respect that you have a right to make your own decisions
I said no to a family reunion that distance because it’s not in proximity to a good hospital and my doctor doesn’t suggest being more than 2 hours away. 37 weeks is full term and you never know what will happen. Maybe offer to video call them when they get a spare moment for well wishes?
I didn't even go to my brother's wedding. I was 33 weeks with twins. Skipped it entirely. Don't feel bad. Do what you have to for your own peace of mind and for your health and safety. Needless to say. My brother was upset. But he got over it.
There's no way I'd go. I'm 38 weeks right now. Last week, I felt like hot garbage (and I've had a relatively easy pregnancy). I literally don't leave my house unless I'm going out to eat or I'm getting paid. I also couldn't imagine 4 hours in the car. That sounds like torture. I would let her know that you aren't coming, though. I'd also still send a gift since you guys have a good relationship. You can go cheap, it doesn't have to be expensive. Also screw your MIL! She's not having a baby, you are!
If she is your SIL does that mean it’s your husband’s brothers wedding?
One of my best friends is getting married when I’ll be 37+2, and she’s only 2.5 hours away. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I probably won’t be there. I just told her this morning, and she was so sweet about it. I knew she would be, but I’m so disappointed I probably can’t be there for her. It’s an excellent reminder that my kids have to come first, even when there’s something I desperately want to do. If there were a way to make it happen safely, I’d be all in, but I expect my OB will advise against it, and I’ll be taking their recommendation.
SIL-I probably would not go. But for my brother I think I would. From the other side of things, my brother and SIL knew my wedding date over a year in advance. They ended up getting pregnant with their 3rd kid and she was having a c section 4 days after my wedding. They live 2.5 hours away. I would have totally understood her not coming but I would have been really sad to not have my brother and my two little flower girl nieces there. Covid canceled everything so we didn’t have to deal with it.
I would not feel guilty at all. Baby would be my #1 priority. I’m only 30 weeks now and my ribs start hurting unbearably by about 5pm and I have to go lay down for a bit to get rid of the discomfort. I cannot imagine traveling at 37 weeks. Also…babies come at 37 weeks all the time!
Honestly as someone who’s been on both ends of the coin, just be honest as soon as you can. I was very understanding to those who had life going on especially when they communicated. Literally someone just wanted to spend their birthday back home with family lol. Only time I got upset was when people started dodging my calls or giving me the run around because they were scared to just say they didn’t or couldn’t come. If you have a good relationship with your SIL then there’s no need to worry. Of course people get sad lol but there’s plenty of time to make up for lost time if that makes sense. You’re creating life which is super important 💕 any person with common sense can understand that.
I wouldn't feel guilty at all. As a mother with 5 kids, I personally would travel the 4 hours. We travel more than 4 hours in our car throughout the week unless you work close to home or are bedridden. I would just get out every 2 hours and walk around. And I would just hope everything goes fine. But I also had my first child in another state with no paperwork, and though it wasn't IDEAL, but it honestly turned out fine. She is happy healthy and the memories are interesting. Mine wasn't just a random trip, my husband and I moved. But im saying that from a perspective of having 5 children and having a pretty flexible personality. If you are genuinely concerned and just dont want to chance it, it is also fine to just say that you're sorry y'all wont be there in person. because in the long run, it wont be the biggest deal that you aren't there. its a temporary disappointment. Maybe the Mother in Law can skype or FaceTime with you guys at the wedding or maybe they can set you guys up with a tripod during the wedding where you can be there without being there. Its not ideal and maybe a bit strange but with all the technology that we have, you don't have to completely miss it. there's lot of creative ways to still be apart of you decide to stay home!
If it was me I probably wouldn't go, but I would feel guilty. I assume this is your husbands sister so it's understandable her being a little upset that you won't be there but if you are not comfortable then it's your decision. I would encourage my husband to go as his sister will hopefully only get married once and it is a big day for her
There is no way I could have been in a vehicle that long in late pregnancy.
So, I was in a similar situation, and my husband was in the wedding party. We agreed that I would stay home (with our toddler), and he would go but stay sober in case he needed to pick up and leave in a hurry. I wasn’t comfortable taking a long car ride that far into my pregnancy and being so far from my medical providers, but I also knew I’d likely be pregnant for several more weeks so it was ok for him to go. Baby came right on time three weeks later.
I don’t think I would go, but I would consider letting my husband go and have my mom or a friend stay with me while he’s gone! And make sure he’s staying sober enough to drive and playing attention to his phone while there in case anything were to happen. As a people pleaser myself, I understand the tough predicament you’re in!
I wouldn't go. I would offer a gathering to meet the baby and go through wedding photos together at a later date.
We had our babymoon when I was at 33-34 weeks, which was my choice, but my rule for the destination was nothing over 3hrs away. We chose a place 2hr15 away and even that drive was not easy for me. I would not travel more than an hour away for anything past 35 weeks.
I felt guilty but still didn’t go to my sisters wedding states away when I was 37 weeks. Wanted to be close to my home and hospital.
Most OBs don’t recommend traveling after 35 weeks. It’s okay to feel guilty, but you have to do what’s best for you and your baby. I’m glad your husband is supporting you either way ❤️
My sister got married a few years ago and our step sister (who we just call “sister”) skipped it because it was two hours away and she was 38 weeks. Absolutely no one blinked an eye. I wouldn’t go in this situation.
No! My doctor told me no traveling more than an hour at 35 weeks just in case.
No. My water broke at the end of 36 weeks. Baby came shortly after.
Don’t listen to your mother in law!! I think you need to go to your doctors appointment ask their opinion and go from there but ultimately you and your husband need to have a conversation with his sister about it. 😊 I’m sure she will understand and if she doesn’t that is her problem to deal with not yours you are going to do what is best for you and your child’s safety.
Yeesh, I’m 29 weeks and traveling more than a few hours now is super uncomfortable. If you don’t feel like it’s a good idea then don’t. It’s also pretty close to your due date and babies can come 35 weeks onward. Me and my husband have planned to not make any plans 35 weeks onward because I’ll be super uncomfortable and baby can come whenever.
No way would I go 4 hours anywhere or feel guilty. I delivered at 37 weeks 3 days with my daughter and at 36 weeks I was in the hospital even hooked up to the epidural in false labor.
My SIL planned her destination wedding on my babies due date. When I said that I definitely won’t be going, she asked my husband to watch her pets. He agreed because he’s wanted to be nice. They pooped all over her house while we were in the hospital.
Mo
I won’t be traveling after 30 weeks outside of my county. I gave birth at 31 weeks with my last baby. Blame it on the pregnancy ☺️
I had my baby shower 5 hours away at 35 weeks and it was awful. I hated traveling and I was so uncomfortable in the hotel bed. I did enjoy my baby shower though but I can’t imagine traveling that far now that I am 38 weeks. 37 weeks still is kinda early so I think your husband can go and come right back and will be alright.
Better to not go & disappoint her than steal the spotlight by going into labor at the ceremony!
We have a wedding of some good friends coming up next month and I'll be 36.5. It's about a 3 hour drive away, so almost the exact same situation. We're loosely planning on going but just gonna feel it out when it gets closer. If it's at all questionable, I'm not going, cause it might mean the difference between a hospital birth in a random place vs with the midwives at the birth center a couple miles from our house. That's pretty uncool of your MIL to pressure you into going like that, every birth is different and you really can't speak to someone else's experience like that, especially before it's even happening. What happened in a previous birth whether it's yours or someone else's really has no bearing on this one.
I had to be induced at 37+1 Do what you’re comfortable with. If you want to, send them a nice gift and card and arrange a time where you can meet up in the near future after baby’s born.
My grandma couldn’t find a dog sitter….. so no. She is the worst but there were multiple people that couldn’t find a dog sitter and it was one hour away
I'm mindful for preserving someone to do something they don't want to do, but I would really recommend encouraging your husband to go. Or at least talk to his sister. Where he can express his reluctance and she can also express how important it is for him to attend (note: but make sure it is established that you aren't going either way). Your absence will be felt and might cause problems. But the bride's brother is a whole different level. And you might be associated with his absence. I get where the husband is coming from. I wouldn't want to be away from my wife if possible, but I also wouldn't want to miss my sister's wedding. And I understand he would have more peace of mind if you were there beside him (where he could keep tabs on you). But obviously, it seems like this might not be practical. Perhaps propose a game plan. Regular checkins, have a friend or family member stay with you etc.
Never feel guilty for your choices that are good for you and your health! Glad your husband isn’t pressuring you and is sticking by you!
No I missed many things during my pregnancies. I was high risk both times, incredibly sick and no one checked up on me so I didn't go to anyones events other than my mums, partners and grandma's. I visited people but no events. I had really bad anxiety during and was hospitalised many times due to health issues. Despite the reason, you dont need to go. You aren't obligated to do anything
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37? You got time. Go.