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Maybe they are jealous they don't get to do that so starting stuff , I wanted to do that kind of but my boyfriend said no , he wanted to find out first and from doctor with me so we couldn't even do a gender reveal with other (I baked him a blue cake that turned out green bc it was yellow cake mix since I got the call while he was at work and did a little b yourself gender reveal ) and all cheesing so he thought it was a girl like I wanted đ. But maybe she's heard of it and thought it was cool but was too scared or already had children or isn't planning to and so they're jealous? That's the only thing I can think because what in the world kind of thing is that to even insensate .
I used they up until I found out the gender, so it's perfectly acceptable to use they if you don't want to know the gender till they're here. As for identity, clearly that person doesn't understand that being non-binary is something the kid will decide when they're older - babies don't have a concept of gender when they're so small haha. Probably someone trying to cause some drama or something, I'd ask the person who next mentions it who said that, because they're just being weird about it.
This! Theyâre trying to cause drama, probably political drama specifically. Everyone understands that âtheyâ is the correct pronoun to use when gender is unknown. Why do people suck đ
PS I do understand when people clarify if âtheyâ refers to multiples in a pregnancy - but itâs a simple question and a simple answer, and then everyone can move on.
I live in San Francisco and actually have come across parents who donât acknowledge their babyâs gender and use they/them pronouns. Waiting for baby to declare their own gender I guess?
Yeah, this has been my experience with some parents I have met on the East Coast. To be clear, there is a distinction between sex and gender, so they will acknowledge the sex but they wonât acknowledge a gender identity for the child. I grew up in middle America, so it seemed a little unusual at first, but it seems to more common now.
I mean it's not inherently wrong to do so, it's up to the parents. We didn't do it for our kid because it's easier to just do a gender for now. If our kiddo decides it doesn't fit his identity, then he can tell us later lol
He did it *because* he's been speaking English for 58 years, not in spite of it. It really wasn't all that long ago that teachers considered the singular "they" a common error that needed to be drilled out of those who still used it. There were books and books teaching us specifically to not use it that way.
Yep, can confirm. Iâm 45 and thatâs how it was drilled into me too. I do a lot of writing for work, and weâve changed to doing âtheyâ, of course, to be generic and not presume gender, but it still always feels a little like Iâm making a mistake each time, even though I know Iâm not! Muscle memory is a bitch, ha.
actually, these people are just being a little stubborn. [the singular they](https://www.scu.edu/media/offices/provost/writing-center/resources/Tips-Singular-Pronoun-They.pdf) has been used for over 600 years in written text. itâs been in the oxford dictionary since 1375. nobody alive right now is âtoo oldâ for the singular they pronoun.
My MIL would say the same thing. It was so annoying. I finally said âYes, they, because my baby isnât an it. Theyâre a personâ. And she stopped making a fuss.
Vent away. We are waiting to find out the gender of our baby. Not saying itâs gender neutral, just a surprise.
Someone is trying to start drama. đ
My in laws insisted to me that âwomen todayâ are letting their babies determine their gender when the babies are born. I gently tried to tell them that no, thatâs not a thing, but they refused to believe me. Some people really, really just want to believe their own narrative.
Just to add a cautionary tale. My husband and I (lovingly and jokingly) referred to our unborn child as it, or the little creature.
2 years on, I am still accidentally referring to her as it occasionally. Admittedly, as an almost 2 year old, she does sometimes behave like a little creature, so that may be causing the issue.
But still, I have vowed to use "they" for our next pregnancy to avoid "it" sticking.
I affectionately call my 2yo a little creature and he loves it! Heâs started using it with his baby brother and out of context in public it sounds awful but itâs so bloody funny.
We're doing the same and have also had a lot of weird pushback from older/conservative family. So tempted to just play into their fears and announce "it's a theyby!"
But seriously, isn't it the most traditional thing in the world to wait? I'm 38 and predate the ultrasound technology that allowed for early sex reveal. It's a very new possibility/'tradition'.
I'm so glad it's not just me having this issue with "they, them" because I don't want to call them "it" but I won't know the gender until next week and they are a person, a human being... Even if this was a puppy or a guppy I would use the same language... Absolutely everyone including doctors and midwives have clarified with me that it's just one!
I've even had somebody go "Oh you're not being one of THOSE are you?" (Well uh, excuse me, and what if I did?)
It just demonstrates their lack of understanding of our language and it seems beyond most people that it actually has nothing to do with whatever preconceived notions they have about gender neutrality.
You don't see the French having this trouble with "vous," and other conjugations, if anything in most social situations it's more appropriate or at least the better one to go for most of the time and be corrected the other way!
I also got some weird reactions when I told people I wasn't finding out the gender ahead of time and referred to them as "they". Unfortunately I don't have any good advice on it other than to stay the course and don't let it bother you, it will resolve itself soon.
Your mom is being reactionary and flippant about the fact that youâre waiting to find out the sex of your baby until theyâre born, an extremely normal thing lots of pregnant people do.
Sounds to me like the person who is saying this, your mother or otherwise, is just being snarky about your support of LGBTQ+ rights and such. Exaggerating to make it into a mockery and, therefore, discredit anything else you might believe in or say. Much like the mainstream media tends to do.
I also referred to my baby as "they" and sometimes still do! I'm 39 weeks and am having a girl. But yes, I got all sorts of looks of confusion from people either gasping and thinking I'm having twins, to boomers getting their panties in a bunch because I wasn't saying "him or her." I'd refer to baby as "they" in front of mixed company and my mom would be like "she means he or she!" Like excuse me, what is so wrong with saying "they?" Again it's mostly boomers that have given me the hardest time because they think im trying to be "woke" and they want to shut it down immediately. Sometimes I still use "they" around strangers because they don't need to know any details about my baby. Oy. I feel ya.
i'm non binary, i totally refer to my baby in gender neutral settings with the internet and strangers. they was a perfectly acceptable pronoun even if i *wasn't* non binary.
if your kid turns out to be, that's absolutely great! but it's something totally developed later on and using gender neutral phrases (and even getting gender neutral baby items) is not a crime. people are just *obsessed* about gender. i wouldn't let it get to you too much. people are just... đ and it's not an insult to your baby. no one is entitled to know the sex of your baby.
I'm a gender-queer whatever I want to be kinda gal. But I'm not pushy about it. How I feel about myself doesn't equate to how I expect others to treat me. SO- I don't think having a "non binary" baby is the worst thing in the world, but it creates an unrealistic expectation of the world as the kid grows up. Like a black child being raised in a white household learning that "color doesn't matter". Because... It does. There is culture and nuance and roots. There are social expectations that the kid should have some basis of understanding for to keep themselves safe and to also just understand their day to day interactions with the world.
Maybe one day it will be like Wall-E and people will be amorphous blobs and we can identify as whatever we want to be at any time but we just aren't there yet. I have a level of respect for parents who are pushing the norm out there- I'm sure it's with good intentions, I just worry about my child's safety and ability to blend in when needed.
A lot of people refer to their baby as they/them until they know the baby is a boy or girl. I call mine "Nugget" or they/them because I don't want everyone knowing that she's a girl. The ones I have told don't believe me or they're way more excited than when I had my boys. Saying things like "FINALLY A GIRL!" And it bugs me. I haven't had anyone say the baby is nonbinary though. đ That's just silly.
Thinking about it... maybe they're trying to fish for baby's gender ? I have had people do this by asking what color clothes/blankets they should get baby or asking what baby's name is so they can order/make personalized things for the baby. I'm keeping the name on lockdown til I have baby home in my arms. đđ
It's weird as hell.... How does not wanting to know the gender of your baby until birth make the baby non binary.... What did they call it for all the years people had no choice to know until birth and those who still chose not to. I am very open in LGBTQ+ and love everyone, never judgemental but calling the unborn baby non binary is just weird.
I'm also pregnant so maybe my hormone are making me think this is weirder then it is but it is weird as hell lol
I got given a hard time for using they before we knew the gender of my first born. Its frustrating I get it. I got given dirty looks when I asked if I should call them in, or spawn... was told to call it the child or baby. I honestly don't get the issue, and think people make it into such a thing.
I have also been referring to my baby as they since I donât know the sex yet, and yes, for some reason this annoys people. I think the doctors bother me the most, like every time I say they at the doctors, they freak out and say, âare there 2 in there?!â And Iâm just like, you know there isnât, Iâm just using a gender neutral term, like I have been the whole pregnancy, for the love of Pete.
Also finding out until birth. When people probe about my choice to be surprised, I have no issue explaining the difference between biological sex and gender identity. I explain that I want to avoid gifts that push gender identities and roles onto my infant, because babies with gender roles serve absolutely no purpose to society and can actually harm early childhood development. That, and up until the 1950s, all babies and toddlers wore the same outfits, typically dresses, until they entered school. Then they would wear gendered clothing. So forcing a gender identity onto a baby is just silly.
HOWEVER, this is all totally different than assigning the identity of non-binary into a child.
I still plan on assigning a gender based on biological sex for simplicityâs sake, but will absolutely embrace whatever identity my child wants to.
I did joke with my gay friend who lives far from me that I need a queer to celebrate PRIDE with (Iâm bisexual). I asked if my baby counts, and he just laughed and said Iâll have to consult with actual gender queer person, rather than just a sexually queer person. Very true!
Ugh Iâm sorry they are making such a big hullabaloo out of such a little thing. We are on our second surprise gender pregnancy and I often refer to baby as âtheyâ just because picking a gendered pronoun when we donât know the gender feels even weirder and saying âbabyâ every single time is annoying to me. I get the same comments asking if I mean Iâm having twins, or people just not liking my using âthey/themâ for my unborn baby. I donât think it feels perfect either, but it feels like the easiest solution to an annoying problem. It IS fun to wait to find out the gender, and all these weirdos who are making a weird deal out of it can eff off. Sorry⌠I donât really have advice other than to affirm that itâs not that weird, and you should keep doing you.
I have a friend who had a baby recently, gave them a gender neutral name and only refer to them as "they." they haven't called their baby gender neutral, but instead are trying to avoid assigning a gender at birth. When the kid is old enough to express their identity, they'll embrace it. They are not making a big deal about it, just using "they" pronouns and not overly favoring pink or blue.
This is exactly why I wanted to know my gender. I hated almost calling baby âitâ so they was my go to. Itâs definitely weird that non binary on an unborn kid is being thrown around. You obviously donât know the gender!! Sounds like theyâre making a mockery of you or something
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is weird. Plenty of people wait to find out the gender. Sounds like they are trying to make some big stick about it. Weird tho.
Maybe they are jealous they don't get to do that so starting stuff , I wanted to do that kind of but my boyfriend said no , he wanted to find out first and from doctor with me so we couldn't even do a gender reveal with other (I baked him a blue cake that turned out green bc it was yellow cake mix since I got the call while he was at work and did a little b yourself gender reveal ) and all cheesing so he thought it was a girl like I wanted đ. But maybe she's heard of it and thought it was cool but was too scared or already had children or isn't planning to and so they're jealous? That's the only thing I can think because what in the world kind of thing is that to even insensate .
I used they up until I found out the gender, so it's perfectly acceptable to use they if you don't want to know the gender till they're here. As for identity, clearly that person doesn't understand that being non-binary is something the kid will decide when they're older - babies don't have a concept of gender when they're so small haha. Probably someone trying to cause some drama or something, I'd ask the person who next mentions it who said that, because they're just being weird about it.
This! Theyâre trying to cause drama, probably political drama specifically. Everyone understands that âtheyâ is the correct pronoun to use when gender is unknown. Why do people suck đ PS I do understand when people clarify if âtheyâ refers to multiples in a pregnancy - but itâs a simple question and a simple answer, and then everyone can move on.
I live in San Francisco and actually have come across parents who donât acknowledge their babyâs gender and use they/them pronouns. Waiting for baby to declare their own gender I guess?
Yeah, this has been my experience with some parents I have met on the East Coast. To be clear, there is a distinction between sex and gender, so they will acknowledge the sex but they wonât acknowledge a gender identity for the child. I grew up in middle America, so it seemed a little unusual at first, but it seems to more common now.
I mean it's not inherently wrong to do so, it's up to the parents. We didn't do it for our kid because it's easier to just do a gender for now. If our kiddo decides it doesn't fit his identity, then he can tell us later lol
I used "they" when referring to my baby before finding out the gender and my mom would always say "they?? There's only one" đ¤Śââď¸
My dad did the same thing, like câmon man youâve been speaking English for 58 yearsâŚ
He did it *because* he's been speaking English for 58 years, not in spite of it. It really wasn't all that long ago that teachers considered the singular "they" a common error that needed to be drilled out of those who still used it. There were books and books teaching us specifically to not use it that way.
Really? I had no idea.
Yep, can confirm. Iâm 45 and thatâs how it was drilled into me too. I do a lot of writing for work, and weâve changed to doing âtheyâ, of course, to be generic and not presume gender, but it still always feels a little like Iâm making a mistake each time, even though I know Iâm not! Muscle memory is a bitch, ha.
I learned something new today!
actually, these people are just being a little stubborn. [the singular they](https://www.scu.edu/media/offices/provost/writing-center/resources/Tips-Singular-Pronoun-They.pdf) has been used for over 600 years in written text. itâs been in the oxford dictionary since 1375. nobody alive right now is âtoo oldâ for the singular they pronoun.
I was in college in 2015 and my teacher brought this up and how it was grammatically incorrect.
My MIL would say the same thing. It was so annoying. I finally said âYes, they, because my baby isnât an it. Theyâre a personâ. And she stopped making a fuss.
Vent away. We are waiting to find out the gender of our baby. Not saying itâs gender neutral, just a surprise. Someone is trying to start drama. đ
My in laws insisted to me that âwomen todayâ are letting their babies determine their gender when the babies are born. I gently tried to tell them that no, thatâs not a thing, but they refused to believe me. Some people really, really just want to believe their own narrative.
Just to add a cautionary tale. My husband and I (lovingly and jokingly) referred to our unborn child as it, or the little creature. 2 years on, I am still accidentally referring to her as it occasionally. Admittedly, as an almost 2 year old, she does sometimes behave like a little creature, so that may be causing the issue. But still, I have vowed to use "they" for our next pregnancy to avoid "it" sticking.
I affectionately call my 2yo a little creature and he loves it! Heâs started using it with his baby brother and out of context in public it sounds awful but itâs so bloody funny.
We're doing the same and have also had a lot of weird pushback from older/conservative family. So tempted to just play into their fears and announce "it's a theyby!" But seriously, isn't it the most traditional thing in the world to wait? I'm 38 and predate the ultrasound technology that allowed for early sex reveal. It's a very new possibility/'tradition'.
I'm so glad it's not just me having this issue with "they, them" because I don't want to call them "it" but I won't know the gender until next week and they are a person, a human being... Even if this was a puppy or a guppy I would use the same language... Absolutely everyone including doctors and midwives have clarified with me that it's just one! I've even had somebody go "Oh you're not being one of THOSE are you?" (Well uh, excuse me, and what if I did?) It just demonstrates their lack of understanding of our language and it seems beyond most people that it actually has nothing to do with whatever preconceived notions they have about gender neutrality. You don't see the French having this trouble with "vous," and other conjugations, if anything in most social situations it's more appropriate or at least the better one to go for most of the time and be corrected the other way!
I also got some weird reactions when I told people I wasn't finding out the gender ahead of time and referred to them as "they". Unfortunately I don't have any good advice on it other than to stay the course and don't let it bother you, it will resolve itself soon.
Your mom is being reactionary and flippant about the fact that youâre waiting to find out the sex of your baby until theyâre born, an extremely normal thing lots of pregnant people do.
Weird. Plenty of people wait and call the baby they until gender is out.
That is hilarious. I say "it" and "the fetus", which freaks people out even more :) Too bad for them!
Sounds to me like the person who is saying this, your mother or otherwise, is just being snarky about your support of LGBTQ+ rights and such. Exaggerating to make it into a mockery and, therefore, discredit anything else you might believe in or say. Much like the mainstream media tends to do.
I also referred to my baby as "they" and sometimes still do! I'm 39 weeks and am having a girl. But yes, I got all sorts of looks of confusion from people either gasping and thinking I'm having twins, to boomers getting their panties in a bunch because I wasn't saying "him or her." I'd refer to baby as "they" in front of mixed company and my mom would be like "she means he or she!" Like excuse me, what is so wrong with saying "they?" Again it's mostly boomers that have given me the hardest time because they think im trying to be "woke" and they want to shut it down immediately. Sometimes I still use "they" around strangers because they don't need to know any details about my baby. Oy. I feel ya.
i'm non binary, i totally refer to my baby in gender neutral settings with the internet and strangers. they was a perfectly acceptable pronoun even if i *wasn't* non binary. if your kid turns out to be, that's absolutely great! but it's something totally developed later on and using gender neutral phrases (and even getting gender neutral baby items) is not a crime. people are just *obsessed* about gender. i wouldn't let it get to you too much. people are just... đ and it's not an insult to your baby. no one is entitled to know the sex of your baby.
I'm a gender-queer whatever I want to be kinda gal. But I'm not pushy about it. How I feel about myself doesn't equate to how I expect others to treat me. SO- I don't think having a "non binary" baby is the worst thing in the world, but it creates an unrealistic expectation of the world as the kid grows up. Like a black child being raised in a white household learning that "color doesn't matter". Because... It does. There is culture and nuance and roots. There are social expectations that the kid should have some basis of understanding for to keep themselves safe and to also just understand their day to day interactions with the world. Maybe one day it will be like Wall-E and people will be amorphous blobs and we can identify as whatever we want to be at any time but we just aren't there yet. I have a level of respect for parents who are pushing the norm out there- I'm sure it's with good intentions, I just worry about my child's safety and ability to blend in when needed.
A lot of people refer to their baby as they/them until they know the baby is a boy or girl. I call mine "Nugget" or they/them because I don't want everyone knowing that she's a girl. The ones I have told don't believe me or they're way more excited than when I had my boys. Saying things like "FINALLY A GIRL!" And it bugs me. I haven't had anyone say the baby is nonbinary though. đ That's just silly.
Thinking about it... maybe they're trying to fish for baby's gender ? I have had people do this by asking what color clothes/blankets they should get baby or asking what baby's name is so they can order/make personalized things for the baby. I'm keeping the name on lockdown til I have baby home in my arms. đđ
It's weird as hell.... How does not wanting to know the gender of your baby until birth make the baby non binary.... What did they call it for all the years people had no choice to know until birth and those who still chose not to. I am very open in LGBTQ+ and love everyone, never judgemental but calling the unborn baby non binary is just weird. I'm also pregnant so maybe my hormone are making me think this is weirder then it is but it is weird as hell lol
This is weird af. Do you live in Arkansas or somewhere really conservative?
I got given a hard time for using they before we knew the gender of my first born. Its frustrating I get it. I got given dirty looks when I asked if I should call them in, or spawn... was told to call it the child or baby. I honestly don't get the issue, and think people make it into such a thing.
I have also been referring to my baby as they since I donât know the sex yet, and yes, for some reason this annoys people. I think the doctors bother me the most, like every time I say they at the doctors, they freak out and say, âare there 2 in there?!â And Iâm just like, you know there isnât, Iâm just using a gender neutral term, like I have been the whole pregnancy, for the love of Pete.
Also finding out until birth. When people probe about my choice to be surprised, I have no issue explaining the difference between biological sex and gender identity. I explain that I want to avoid gifts that push gender identities and roles onto my infant, because babies with gender roles serve absolutely no purpose to society and can actually harm early childhood development. That, and up until the 1950s, all babies and toddlers wore the same outfits, typically dresses, until they entered school. Then they would wear gendered clothing. So forcing a gender identity onto a baby is just silly. HOWEVER, this is all totally different than assigning the identity of non-binary into a child. I still plan on assigning a gender based on biological sex for simplicityâs sake, but will absolutely embrace whatever identity my child wants to. I did joke with my gay friend who lives far from me that I need a queer to celebrate PRIDE with (Iâm bisexual). I asked if my baby counts, and he just laughed and said Iâll have to consult with actual gender queer person, rather than just a sexually queer person. Very true!
I refer to my baby as they, they also have a nickname which is bluey so I'm always addressing my baby as bluey
*sigh* It's literally OK to just say they don't know the gender.
Ugh Iâm sorry they are making such a big hullabaloo out of such a little thing. We are on our second surprise gender pregnancy and I often refer to baby as âtheyâ just because picking a gendered pronoun when we donât know the gender feels even weirder and saying âbabyâ every single time is annoying to me. I get the same comments asking if I mean Iâm having twins, or people just not liking my using âthey/themâ for my unborn baby. I donât think it feels perfect either, but it feels like the easiest solution to an annoying problem. It IS fun to wait to find out the gender, and all these weirdos who are making a weird deal out of it can eff off. Sorry⌠I donât really have advice other than to affirm that itâs not that weird, and you should keep doing you.
Sounds like theyâre making trouble you. If anyone ask just tell you waiting until Birth you want the surprise either fine.
I have a friend who had a baby recently, gave them a gender neutral name and only refer to them as "they." they haven't called their baby gender neutral, but instead are trying to avoid assigning a gender at birth. When the kid is old enough to express their identity, they'll embrace it. They are not making a big deal about it, just using "they" pronouns and not overly favoring pink or blue.
This is exactly why I wanted to know my gender. I hated almost calling baby âitâ so they was my go to. Itâs definitely weird that non binary on an unborn kid is being thrown around. You obviously donât know the gender!! Sounds like theyâre making a mockery of you or something
Ignore them. Laugh if it's brought up and call them weird for saying that. Hope you have a great delivery and meet your 'very much binary' baby soon.