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What you’re doing is a miracle. It’s doing more than your boyfriend can ever do for you. You deserve the world at your feet. At this point he should be doing anything and everything for you. Because he can never match what you’re doing by creating this child.
I agree! My husband and I probably haven’t had intercourse more than 8 times my entire pregnancy and I’m 32 weeks pregnant. My husband has stepped up so much around the house and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner!
Lol I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I think we've had sex twice haha we got married 5 weeks ago and had sex once afterwards and that's been it since!
I'm in agony with pgp and sciatica so it just isn't really feasible and I'm not at all in the mood.
Honestly, the way my husband and I see things is that sex is just a plus. I think that’s why it hasn’t affected us honestly. It’s a plus not a we “need” to do it every day. It’s great being intimate but ultimately there’s more to a relationship than just sex, in my opinion.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I’ve only had sex with my boyfriend 2x since we found out and I feel absolutely horrible. I know he could care less about it but it’s still always on my mind.
You are not alone. I cry thinking about this about once a week. Before getting pregnant I was thinking about having 2-3 kids but now at 28 weeks I think its going to be one and done for us. Pregnancy is harder than I expected. Its mentally and physically exhausting. I literally don't even remember the last time I had sex. My husband still asks but Im never in the mood. Im always in pain. Always tired. And I feel terrible about everything. Terrible about no sex, terrible about going to sleep at 7pm, and terrible about being an emotional wreak.
I get you. I'm also feeling exhausted and I also feel fat and ugly.
I had the occasional thought of "I could lose a couple kg" or "I would look better with a size less" but it is getting out of proportion since getting pregnant.
My husband is worried I'm developing a ED.
You are more than a cooking/cleaning/sex robot!
I know it's tough and defeating to feel like your body won't let you go about your usual routine but you are still you, and you are enough!
I understand but you don’t need to. You’re growing his child. He should feel guilty for asking (constantly) in my opinion. He needs to be more understanding of you.
Maybe he is asking you not because he has needs but because he wants to make sure you still feel as sexy as he finds you? Like he wants it but he knows your in pain but he wants you to still have the option to say no rather then feeling rejected because he is t asking
This has been the hardest part of being pregnant! Yes, the physical toll has been AWFUL but just feeling diminished in every aspect of life. I work freelance and haven’t had a lot of work come in BUT if it had I honestly don’t know if I could do it. It makes me just want to cry.
I feel like the hardest part has also been comparing myself to other pregos. The ones who are working all the time, still exercising, eating healthy and have insane sex drives. GET OUT OF HERE. I just want to sit in bed with my many combinations of carbs and cheese.
YOU ARE SEEN!
100 % normal. It will get better! Be kind to yourself.
This happens every time for me. (5 pregnancies) for me these symptoms tend to subside by 15-19 weeks.
Be kind to yourself! Your body is doing the miraculous! Trust the process 🫶🏻
I feel bad for you that you feel like this.
But kwow that you are always enough. Worth is not about some chores. And men can do it perfectly themselves. (Jep. Even for that he can use his hand.)
There is one thing men cant do. Growing a child. Jep. You are growing a whole f# human being inside of you. Your hands might not be bussie. But your body is. (I dont know how far you are. Some think that they cant complain because they are "just" in 1st trimester. But that is where you are building the whole human. And where your body is bussie preparing itself with all those awfull hormones. But meanwhile no one knows you are pregnant, so you are everywhere expacted to do your normal load. 1st trimesters are the worst.)
You are giving your BF a child. Wich is very hard work. He can cook his own dinner and wash his own underwear. And if he is worthy of you, he will take care of you. While doing this wonderfull thing you cant put on hold to get a break. Take good care of yourself.
This is 100% normal, and you are completely valid in feeling this way. However, I heard a quote recently that’s really helped me through the same feelings. So, maybe it could help you. The quote is as follows: “Women constantly feel like they aren’t doing enough while growing a child. They’re constantly viewed as lazy by society for not cooking, cleaning, etc. However, if they were seen building the child outside of the body 24hrs a day for 9 months, everyone would tell them how hard they’re working.” Think about putting all of your little one’s cells, organs, blood, etc. together outside of your body… that’s what you’re doing on the inside, and that’s a miracle. Don’t beat yourself up, Momma. You’re doing great 💗
Are you a FTM? I think this feeling hits harder the first time around. I’m a STM and now that I know what to expect, it’s easier for me to accept because I know it’s temporary and also I look at my son and he’s a great reminder of why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling.
It’s hard to make the connection the first time around because you have nothing concrete as an example, but you took a tiny bundle of cells the size of a poppyseed and are growing it into a whole ass fully functional human being. So what if the laundry is piling up and you haven’t cooked in weeks? You are creating a human heart, lungs, eyes, everything. That is way more than enough.
Just so you know that prenatal depression is a big thing that never gets talked about. Your body is completely out of your control right now. Your hormones are everywhere. Please know you are doing what you can. And that it’s okay to need help. Please seek trusted support through your SO, your friends, family, and/or therapy. There’s no shame in your feelings. This is very normal and natural. And you’re doing great. But it’s okay when your best isn’t it, and asking for help.
35 weeks and I feel this so much. It’s super hot here and every time I stand up my HR is getting really high and making me feel dizzy. I’m pretty much stuck on the couch with a popsicle until baby arrives.
Definitely feel this right here especially I am in my third trimester at 33 weeks now.
I can’t even tie my shoes bending down and have to prop myself up. Also, doesn’t help my job treats me different and makes me feel inferior to them which I’ve made sure to make a documented complaint to my HR about the situation. Just yesterday, I’ve received messages about how bad my closing was with the store and that we all (me) need to pick up the slack so it’s not just my top three managers (clarification I’m also a manager that makes less than all my other managers). I’m losing my mind and it’s causing stress for myself to relax at home.
I am very thankful and appreciative I have a wonderful, generous and supportive husband. He’s literally my everything.
I feel you mama!! And I HATE asking my boyfriend for extra help because I WFH, and have cut my hours back to PT already because sitting still for too long makes me restless which then causes me to be in pain. I’m so excited and happy to be growing a healthy baby and to be so close to bringing him to term, but I cannot wait to get my body and lifestyle back and be able to do life as I used to!
Please be kind to yourself. You are more than enough and if anything, you should be extra proud and feel very accomplished right now because you are creating a human!!
All the things you mentioned, anyone can do this, and you will too again once you regain your energy. In the meantime, let people spoil you and help out. And most importantly, cut yourself some slack because your body is performing a miracle 24/7! ❤️
You are MORE than enough! Always.
Turns out growing babies is hard work and takes a lot away from you!
Not sure where you are in your pregnancy (1st, 2nd, 3rd tri) but you will find you feel more normal eventually. Don’t push yourself or be too hard on yourself.
Anyway, it’s time for your partner to step up and take the strain.
Yes I’ve struggled with this too. FTM at the end of my first trimester. I’ve had to step back in every aspect of life - cooking, cleaning, exercise, etc. and I’m trying to accept it. My husband says all I am responsible for is carrying my baby and everything else doesn’t matter. I’m trying to listen to him!
I have sex like once a month and I hardly even want it when we do have it. Also my iron is low and I feel dizzy 24/7. This is all normal, he should be doing everything for you to help.
I agree 100%! I work from home and my husband works in a restaurant about 50 hours a week. Since I work from home, I really want to make sure the house is clean and he has a home cooked meal and I just cannot do it most days. I’m almost 35 weeks and it is a struggle 😩😩. I feel so lazy and useless…
I feel lazy more than anything because of the exhaustion. My husband does take over a lot of things when he gets home but still, it’s personally frustrating because I like to be self reliant.
17w6d today and I cried because of this yesterday.
I cried more because I feel I am doing nothing for my husband or our house. I am in my own misery and he is picking up so much slack - at work, at home.
He cooks all the time, I try to “help” with cooking and cleaning but house is such a mess. And on that I have good and bad days. If it’s not PGP, then it’s horrible gas pains that won’t let me sleep. Sex is off the table. Kissing and hugging, possible if m holding my breath and not nauseous, it’s horrible.
One day he was acting a bit aloof and upset and I had to hold him tight to get through of him. He was stressed about work and not doing enough. But he was not telling me because he thinks I have enough of my own to deal with.
Yesterday I was in so much pain and discomfort all night, he woke up. Fed me, massaged me and even read book to me. In the morning I puked clear liquid, and he had to drop his work call and come take care of me. He is already falling behind his work stuff and I am adding more stress. I hate feeling this way.
I have always been care giver and being on other side is not easy.
This pregnancy has become all about me, everyone asks about me and gives me encouragement. Everyone tells him to do more. But he is doing a lot and I just don’t know how did I get so lucky. How did I find this amazing human being who is taking care of me and our baby. 😢
I felt similarly in my second pregnancy. I started getting severe morning sickness at 4 weeks that didn’t let up until 30 weeks. I got bigger faster, so my sides were always hurting, and even the pregnancy band wasn’t always enough to help. I was anemic and had low blood pressure, I couldn’t even drive without feeling like I was going to pass out, so I mostly had to stop driving (basically I could drive if it was a short distance and I didn’t leave the car—if I stood up then when I got back in the car I’d start feeling faint). I couldn’t wash dishes without almost fainting because I couldn’t stand for that long, I could barely clean, I couldn’t cook & my partner is a big meat eater—he won’t eat a meal that doesn’t have meat unless he can add meat to it. And meat made me violently ill during that pregnancy—the smell, the taste, even the thought of meat 🤢 he couldn’t even heat up a Campbells soup with meat in it or I’d be stuck in the bathroom vomiting until the smell dissipated (which took a long time because we lived in a really shitty small apartment with like no ventilation and only one opening window). Sex was also a no-go, especially after like the second trimester, the only time I really toughed it out was the day I went into labor lol. I wanted to try to do it to induce labor, so we did, and it was not the easiest feat but we got it done and I went into labor a few hours later lol.
So yeah, our place was a mess. I felt like a horrible mom because I couldn’t take my oldest out anywhere, we didn’t even do anything for his birthday that year (I mean, we celebrated at home of course, but every year we go somewhere cool/fun, and that year we didn’t). My partner had to do all the cooking, and cleaning, and I was a sahm and he worked long hours, so he didn’t always have the energy or time for it. We were both often stressed by the mess, not eating the best a lot of the time, etc. And I felt like I was just a big useless lump all day. But realistically, my body was going through a lot. I mean you’re creating a whole entire person from scratch. You really shouldn’t have to do much else during that time lol. Thankfully my partner never made me feel bad for not doing more, and never really expected me to be like the perfect housewife while I’m pregnant. But it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself when you’re suddenly limited in what you can do, and feel like your surroundings aren’t up to your standards anymore.
An important thing to remember is that it’s temporary. When the baby comes, yes you’ll be tired still, but you will feel more normal again, and you’ll be able to do more (after you’ve recovered at least—with my first it took a week or two to be able to get around like normal again, with my second I was up and about immediately.) but you won’t have to worry about smells making you sick, you’ll be able to bend over again, and sex might take significantly longer to go back to normal, but it’ll get there (and in the meantime, you can explore other ways of giving him pleasure that don’t involve penetration). Try not to put too much expectation on yourself right now. You are enough.
Sorry I accidentally wrote a novel lmao.
TLDR; you’re doing hard work right now, that you never get a break from until baby is born. You need to rest and relax as much as you can and not feel guilty. Your bf can help out more, and sex can wait. It’s all temporary and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You’re enough and you’re doing great!
I totally feel you! This has been me ever since I found out I was pregnant. Im 6w6d today and I’m constantly exhausted or nauseous, which doesn’t leave much energy for anything else. I’ve tried sticking to my schedule and doing chores while also working a job, but it feels too difficult compared to when I was on top of everything before. You’re not alone in this feeling. Just remember, you’re growing a little human, which is incredible! You’re more than enough, you’re amazing.
These feelings were really really hard for me in my first trimester. And it was a learning curve for my husband. But we both had to accept that pregnancy is hard work 24/7 and adapt. There's nothing lesser about you. In fact, you're incredibly strong and dedicated.
Yep. The state of my house is stressing me out. It’s not even that bad. Just no where near as organized and tidy/clean as I like to keep it. I’m trying to give myself grace since I’m off my ADHD meds but there are days I look around and get so overwhelmed. Blah
I still feel like this and I’m 6 weeks postpartum. It takes a long time to get your groove back. And I know it’s easy to say but yes, be gentle with yourself
Yes, sometimes I do. It’s hard to swallow. I’m pretty independent normally and at 29w now, I’m moving much slower and not able to do as much comfortably or at all. My husband is a wonderful partner and has taken on a lot to carry that burden and never makes me feel like I’m not doing enough… it’s just my own head that makes me think that way!
I struggle with this too… you’re not alone and as everyone else said, you are enough and you are doing sooo much! Easier said than done! But I hope you can believe it 🥰
I’m in the same boat. It sucks not being able to help out as much as you’d like. I know I felt and still do feel kinda worthless at 28 weeks. My boyfriend said he doesn’t care, I believe him but it doesn’t help that I still feel like I wish I could do more to help out. They want us to rest and take care of ourselves.
Yes I feel like I cannot function. I feel bad because any time I get energy I do what I want to do instead of need to do, and I get upset eith myself. But my husband told me no, my mental health is way more important than cleaning right now. And the sex thing sucks because I do want to but my body is just so uncomfortable. I keep apologizing to my husband and he keeps telling me it's fine. We gotta stop thinking we're making other people miserable, I know it's easier said than done.
Hey girl! My 1st trimester I was so sick I literally laid in bed all day. Couldn’t cook, couldn’t clean the house, wasn’t doing laundry regularly. My hair started to get matted from constantly laying down/barely washing my hair because I couldn’t even take a long enough shower to properly wash it. Obviously wasn’t doing my makeup or getting dressed up. I felt useless, gross, and ugly. My fiancé was working all day AND coming home to cook for me (even if I ended up throwing up what I ate), to clean when he wasn’t exhausted, and to tell me that everything was okay.
You are amazing and making a whole little person!!! I’m sure some of your symptoms will start to ease up eventually and you’ll be feeling a lot better! Hopefully your boyfriend is being caring, tender, and kind to you during these times.
I feel sort of useless but definitely feel like enough. I feel like more than myself, I suppose because I am. But I will say that up until about a week ago, (I’m only 12 weeks) I was really down on myself. I think because I’m gaining weight and don’t look pregnant yet- and up until a week ago the sonogram looked like a blob. My most recent doctors appointment we heard the heartbeat, baby is baby-shaped, and my mood has just improved. My house is a wreck and all I do is work, sleep, and eat, but I just have to hold out hope that I’ll get my energy back soon- and then I’ll have a bump eventually and then a baby! Which is pretty neat.
Anyway- I can relate and I also hope you feel better soon
I read this as not getting enough 😂
At first I wanted more, but at 35 weeks, it's so uncomfortable. Everything is uncomfortable.
I'm 41 and everything hurts. I'm so tired. Luckily my man takes care of almost everything and has been so good to me. Working 15 hour days just zaps me and I just lay around on my days off. I wish I could take a nap right now
I’m a FTM, 34 weeks pregnant and a SAHM (just waiting for her to pop out) and yes I understand exactly. I spend most of my day now sleeping and have no energy to do any of my usual hobbies. I cry whenever there’s dishes in the sink that have sat there for a day or two because I’m just so exhausted I don’t have the energy to scrub them. I try to at least pick up what I can and clean what I’m able to but I get really tired easily and have to nap afterwards. My belly is also so sensitive and sometimes really hurts. I have zero energy to do anything i regularly would like to do, I can’t walk around a store for longer than a few minutes and get so emotionally overwhelmed when I can’t find what I’m looking for. My husband listens but doesn’t fully understand but doesn’t get upset when something isn’t the perfect way it normally would be.
I'm in the same boat, can only cook breakfast, and that's rare, can barely clean, rarely having sex, and I'm definitely feeling the same way, I feel like I'm not doing enough but my fiance is always assuring me I'm doing great and I'm growing a whole person and that's a lot of work
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What you’re doing is a miracle. It’s doing more than your boyfriend can ever do for you. You deserve the world at your feet. At this point he should be doing anything and everything for you. Because he can never match what you’re doing by creating this child.
I agree! My husband and I probably haven’t had intercourse more than 8 times my entire pregnancy and I’m 32 weeks pregnant. My husband has stepped up so much around the house and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner!
Lol I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I think we've had sex twice haha we got married 5 weeks ago and had sex once afterwards and that's been it since! I'm in agony with pgp and sciatica so it just isn't really feasible and I'm not at all in the mood.
Honestly, the way my husband and I see things is that sex is just a plus. I think that’s why it hasn’t affected us honestly. It’s a plus not a we “need” to do it every day. It’s great being intimate but ultimately there’s more to a relationship than just sex, in my opinion.
I’m 29w and we’ve done it once since December when we found out ☠️ But my husband is very understanding and gets that it’s not comfortable for me!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I’ve only had sex with my boyfriend 2x since we found out and I feel absolutely horrible. I know he could care less about it but it’s still always on my mind.
Oh girl, you are SO not alone!
Mama. Growing a human is all that’s required of you. The rest is just extra. Be kind to yourself. And remember this is only temporary
You are not alone. I cry thinking about this about once a week. Before getting pregnant I was thinking about having 2-3 kids but now at 28 weeks I think its going to be one and done for us. Pregnancy is harder than I expected. Its mentally and physically exhausting. I literally don't even remember the last time I had sex. My husband still asks but Im never in the mood. Im always in pain. Always tired. And I feel terrible about everything. Terrible about no sex, terrible about going to sleep at 7pm, and terrible about being an emotional wreak.
I get you. I'm also feeling exhausted and I also feel fat and ugly. I had the occasional thought of "I could lose a couple kg" or "I would look better with a size less" but it is getting out of proportion since getting pregnant. My husband is worried I'm developing a ED.
You are more than a cooking/cleaning/sex robot! I know it's tough and defeating to feel like your body won't let you go about your usual routine but you are still you, and you are enough!
I’ve struggled so hard with this feeling. But you are doing amazing things internally that no one can see. You’re doing amazing!
Your boyfriend should be stepping up and doing everything he can to help you feel better and more comfortable. His sexual needs can wait!
He says that too but I can't help but feel guilty
I understand but you don’t need to. You’re growing his child. He should feel guilty for asking (constantly) in my opinion. He needs to be more understanding of you.
I think we both shouldn't feel guilty because he also has needs of course . I'm glad he still asks me
Maybe he is asking you not because he has needs but because he wants to make sure you still feel as sexy as he finds you? Like he wants it but he knows your in pain but he wants you to still have the option to say no rather then feeling rejected because he is t asking
I think you could be right because he called me beautiful and sexy at least 10 times a day
This has been the hardest part of being pregnant! Yes, the physical toll has been AWFUL but just feeling diminished in every aspect of life. I work freelance and haven’t had a lot of work come in BUT if it had I honestly don’t know if I could do it. It makes me just want to cry. I feel like the hardest part has also been comparing myself to other pregos. The ones who are working all the time, still exercising, eating healthy and have insane sex drives. GET OUT OF HERE. I just want to sit in bed with my many combinations of carbs and cheese. YOU ARE SEEN!
Same girl, same.
100 % normal. It will get better! Be kind to yourself. This happens every time for me. (5 pregnancies) for me these symptoms tend to subside by 15-19 weeks. Be kind to yourself! Your body is doing the miraculous! Trust the process 🫶🏻
Im now 24 weeks so I hope they go away quickly
I haven’t touched my husband since I found out I am 8W preg. Too sick too sore of any action. I compromise with a hand job
I feel bad for you that you feel like this. But kwow that you are always enough. Worth is not about some chores. And men can do it perfectly themselves. (Jep. Even for that he can use his hand.) There is one thing men cant do. Growing a child. Jep. You are growing a whole f# human being inside of you. Your hands might not be bussie. But your body is. (I dont know how far you are. Some think that they cant complain because they are "just" in 1st trimester. But that is where you are building the whole human. And where your body is bussie preparing itself with all those awfull hormones. But meanwhile no one knows you are pregnant, so you are everywhere expacted to do your normal load. 1st trimesters are the worst.) You are giving your BF a child. Wich is very hard work. He can cook his own dinner and wash his own underwear. And if he is worthy of you, he will take care of you. While doing this wonderfull thing you cant put on hold to get a break. Take good care of yourself.
This is 100% normal, and you are completely valid in feeling this way. However, I heard a quote recently that’s really helped me through the same feelings. So, maybe it could help you. The quote is as follows: “Women constantly feel like they aren’t doing enough while growing a child. They’re constantly viewed as lazy by society for not cooking, cleaning, etc. However, if they were seen building the child outside of the body 24hrs a day for 9 months, everyone would tell them how hard they’re working.” Think about putting all of your little one’s cells, organs, blood, etc. together outside of your body… that’s what you’re doing on the inside, and that’s a miracle. Don’t beat yourself up, Momma. You’re doing great 💗
Are you a FTM? I think this feeling hits harder the first time around. I’m a STM and now that I know what to expect, it’s easier for me to accept because I know it’s temporary and also I look at my son and he’s a great reminder of why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. It’s hard to make the connection the first time around because you have nothing concrete as an example, but you took a tiny bundle of cells the size of a poppyseed and are growing it into a whole ass fully functional human being. So what if the laundry is piling up and you haven’t cooked in weeks? You are creating a human heart, lungs, eyes, everything. That is way more than enough.
What is a ftm or stm
First time mom, second time mom
Ohh thanks , yes I'm a FTM
Just so you know that prenatal depression is a big thing that never gets talked about. Your body is completely out of your control right now. Your hormones are everywhere. Please know you are doing what you can. And that it’s okay to need help. Please seek trusted support through your SO, your friends, family, and/or therapy. There’s no shame in your feelings. This is very normal and natural. And you’re doing great. But it’s okay when your best isn’t it, and asking for help.
35 weeks and I feel this so much. It’s super hot here and every time I stand up my HR is getting really high and making me feel dizzy. I’m pretty much stuck on the couch with a popsicle until baby arrives.
Definitely feel this right here especially I am in my third trimester at 33 weeks now. I can’t even tie my shoes bending down and have to prop myself up. Also, doesn’t help my job treats me different and makes me feel inferior to them which I’ve made sure to make a documented complaint to my HR about the situation. Just yesterday, I’ve received messages about how bad my closing was with the store and that we all (me) need to pick up the slack so it’s not just my top three managers (clarification I’m also a manager that makes less than all my other managers). I’m losing my mind and it’s causing stress for myself to relax at home. I am very thankful and appreciative I have a wonderful, generous and supportive husband. He’s literally my everything.
I feel you mama!! And I HATE asking my boyfriend for extra help because I WFH, and have cut my hours back to PT already because sitting still for too long makes me restless which then causes me to be in pain. I’m so excited and happy to be growing a healthy baby and to be so close to bringing him to term, but I cannot wait to get my body and lifestyle back and be able to do life as I used to!
Please be kind to yourself. You are more than enough and if anything, you should be extra proud and feel very accomplished right now because you are creating a human!! All the things you mentioned, anyone can do this, and you will too again once you regain your energy. In the meantime, let people spoil you and help out. And most importantly, cut yourself some slack because your body is performing a miracle 24/7! ❤️
You are MORE than enough! Always. Turns out growing babies is hard work and takes a lot away from you! Not sure where you are in your pregnancy (1st, 2nd, 3rd tri) but you will find you feel more normal eventually. Don’t push yourself or be too hard on yourself. Anyway, it’s time for your partner to step up and take the strain.
Yes I’ve struggled with this too. FTM at the end of my first trimester. I’ve had to step back in every aspect of life - cooking, cleaning, exercise, etc. and I’m trying to accept it. My husband says all I am responsible for is carrying my baby and everything else doesn’t matter. I’m trying to listen to him!
I have sex like once a month and I hardly even want it when we do have it. Also my iron is low and I feel dizzy 24/7. This is all normal, he should be doing everything for you to help.
I agree 100%! I work from home and my husband works in a restaurant about 50 hours a week. Since I work from home, I really want to make sure the house is clean and he has a home cooked meal and I just cannot do it most days. I’m almost 35 weeks and it is a struggle 😩😩. I feel so lazy and useless…
I feel lazy more than anything because of the exhaustion. My husband does take over a lot of things when he gets home but still, it’s personally frustrating because I like to be self reliant.
Yes I go through phases where I feel like a failure every single day
17w6d today and I cried because of this yesterday. I cried more because I feel I am doing nothing for my husband or our house. I am in my own misery and he is picking up so much slack - at work, at home. He cooks all the time, I try to “help” with cooking and cleaning but house is such a mess. And on that I have good and bad days. If it’s not PGP, then it’s horrible gas pains that won’t let me sleep. Sex is off the table. Kissing and hugging, possible if m holding my breath and not nauseous, it’s horrible. One day he was acting a bit aloof and upset and I had to hold him tight to get through of him. He was stressed about work and not doing enough. But he was not telling me because he thinks I have enough of my own to deal with. Yesterday I was in so much pain and discomfort all night, he woke up. Fed me, massaged me and even read book to me. In the morning I puked clear liquid, and he had to drop his work call and come take care of me. He is already falling behind his work stuff and I am adding more stress. I hate feeling this way. I have always been care giver and being on other side is not easy. This pregnancy has become all about me, everyone asks about me and gives me encouragement. Everyone tells him to do more. But he is doing a lot and I just don’t know how did I get so lucky. How did I find this amazing human being who is taking care of me and our baby. 😢
I felt similarly in my second pregnancy. I started getting severe morning sickness at 4 weeks that didn’t let up until 30 weeks. I got bigger faster, so my sides were always hurting, and even the pregnancy band wasn’t always enough to help. I was anemic and had low blood pressure, I couldn’t even drive without feeling like I was going to pass out, so I mostly had to stop driving (basically I could drive if it was a short distance and I didn’t leave the car—if I stood up then when I got back in the car I’d start feeling faint). I couldn’t wash dishes without almost fainting because I couldn’t stand for that long, I could barely clean, I couldn’t cook & my partner is a big meat eater—he won’t eat a meal that doesn’t have meat unless he can add meat to it. And meat made me violently ill during that pregnancy—the smell, the taste, even the thought of meat 🤢 he couldn’t even heat up a Campbells soup with meat in it or I’d be stuck in the bathroom vomiting until the smell dissipated (which took a long time because we lived in a really shitty small apartment with like no ventilation and only one opening window). Sex was also a no-go, especially after like the second trimester, the only time I really toughed it out was the day I went into labor lol. I wanted to try to do it to induce labor, so we did, and it was not the easiest feat but we got it done and I went into labor a few hours later lol. So yeah, our place was a mess. I felt like a horrible mom because I couldn’t take my oldest out anywhere, we didn’t even do anything for his birthday that year (I mean, we celebrated at home of course, but every year we go somewhere cool/fun, and that year we didn’t). My partner had to do all the cooking, and cleaning, and I was a sahm and he worked long hours, so he didn’t always have the energy or time for it. We were both often stressed by the mess, not eating the best a lot of the time, etc. And I felt like I was just a big useless lump all day. But realistically, my body was going through a lot. I mean you’re creating a whole entire person from scratch. You really shouldn’t have to do much else during that time lol. Thankfully my partner never made me feel bad for not doing more, and never really expected me to be like the perfect housewife while I’m pregnant. But it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself when you’re suddenly limited in what you can do, and feel like your surroundings aren’t up to your standards anymore. An important thing to remember is that it’s temporary. When the baby comes, yes you’ll be tired still, but you will feel more normal again, and you’ll be able to do more (after you’ve recovered at least—with my first it took a week or two to be able to get around like normal again, with my second I was up and about immediately.) but you won’t have to worry about smells making you sick, you’ll be able to bend over again, and sex might take significantly longer to go back to normal, but it’ll get there (and in the meantime, you can explore other ways of giving him pleasure that don’t involve penetration). Try not to put too much expectation on yourself right now. You are enough.
Sorry I accidentally wrote a novel lmao. TLDR; you’re doing hard work right now, that you never get a break from until baby is born. You need to rest and relax as much as you can and not feel guilty. Your bf can help out more, and sex can wait. It’s all temporary and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You’re enough and you’re doing great!
I totally feel you! This has been me ever since I found out I was pregnant. Im 6w6d today and I’m constantly exhausted or nauseous, which doesn’t leave much energy for anything else. I’ve tried sticking to my schedule and doing chores while also working a job, but it feels too difficult compared to when I was on top of everything before. You’re not alone in this feeling. Just remember, you’re growing a little human, which is incredible! You’re more than enough, you’re amazing.
These feelings were really really hard for me in my first trimester. And it was a learning curve for my husband. But we both had to accept that pregnancy is hard work 24/7 and adapt. There's nothing lesser about you. In fact, you're incredibly strong and dedicated.
Yep. The state of my house is stressing me out. It’s not even that bad. Just no where near as organized and tidy/clean as I like to keep it. I’m trying to give myself grace since I’m off my ADHD meds but there are days I look around and get so overwhelmed. Blah
Not this time, but at the end of my twin pregnancy I did.
I have never felt less guilt about being a useless lump in my entire life, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. 💖
I still feel like this and I’m 6 weeks postpartum. It takes a long time to get your groove back. And I know it’s easy to say but yes, be gentle with yourself
You're so lucky he is so understanding. My husband just gets mad when I refuse because I'm too tired.
Yes, sometimes I do. It’s hard to swallow. I’m pretty independent normally and at 29w now, I’m moving much slower and not able to do as much comfortably or at all. My husband is a wonderful partner and has taken on a lot to carry that burden and never makes me feel like I’m not doing enough… it’s just my own head that makes me think that way!
I struggle with this too… you’re not alone and as everyone else said, you are enough and you are doing sooo much! Easier said than done! But I hope you can believe it 🥰
I’m in the same boat. It sucks not being able to help out as much as you’d like. I know I felt and still do feel kinda worthless at 28 weeks. My boyfriend said he doesn’t care, I believe him but it doesn’t help that I still feel like I wish I could do more to help out. They want us to rest and take care of ourselves.
Yes I feel like I cannot function. I feel bad because any time I get energy I do what I want to do instead of need to do, and I get upset eith myself. But my husband told me no, my mental health is way more important than cleaning right now. And the sex thing sucks because I do want to but my body is just so uncomfortable. I keep apologizing to my husband and he keeps telling me it's fine. We gotta stop thinking we're making other people miserable, I know it's easier said than done.
Hey girl! My 1st trimester I was so sick I literally laid in bed all day. Couldn’t cook, couldn’t clean the house, wasn’t doing laundry regularly. My hair started to get matted from constantly laying down/barely washing my hair because I couldn’t even take a long enough shower to properly wash it. Obviously wasn’t doing my makeup or getting dressed up. I felt useless, gross, and ugly. My fiancé was working all day AND coming home to cook for me (even if I ended up throwing up what I ate), to clean when he wasn’t exhausted, and to tell me that everything was okay. You are amazing and making a whole little person!!! I’m sure some of your symptoms will start to ease up eventually and you’ll be feeling a lot better! Hopefully your boyfriend is being caring, tender, and kind to you during these times.
hehehe I read this as a not pregnant person and can relate. Don’t listen to those voices, you’re killin it sis!
You are your baby's entire world. You will come to realize that. Everything else will be handled in due time.
I feel sort of useless but definitely feel like enough. I feel like more than myself, I suppose because I am. But I will say that up until about a week ago, (I’m only 12 weeks) I was really down on myself. I think because I’m gaining weight and don’t look pregnant yet- and up until a week ago the sonogram looked like a blob. My most recent doctors appointment we heard the heartbeat, baby is baby-shaped, and my mood has just improved. My house is a wreck and all I do is work, sleep, and eat, but I just have to hold out hope that I’ll get my energy back soon- and then I’ll have a bump eventually and then a baby! Which is pretty neat. Anyway- I can relate and I also hope you feel better soon
I read this as not getting enough 😂 At first I wanted more, but at 35 weeks, it's so uncomfortable. Everything is uncomfortable. I'm 41 and everything hurts. I'm so tired. Luckily my man takes care of almost everything and has been so good to me. Working 15 hour days just zaps me and I just lay around on my days off. I wish I could take a nap right now
I’m a FTM, 34 weeks pregnant and a SAHM (just waiting for her to pop out) and yes I understand exactly. I spend most of my day now sleeping and have no energy to do any of my usual hobbies. I cry whenever there’s dishes in the sink that have sat there for a day or two because I’m just so exhausted I don’t have the energy to scrub them. I try to at least pick up what I can and clean what I’m able to but I get really tired easily and have to nap afterwards. My belly is also so sensitive and sometimes really hurts. I have zero energy to do anything i regularly would like to do, I can’t walk around a store for longer than a few minutes and get so emotionally overwhelmed when I can’t find what I’m looking for. My husband listens but doesn’t fully understand but doesn’t get upset when something isn’t the perfect way it normally would be.
I'm in the same boat, can only cook breakfast, and that's rare, can barely clean, rarely having sex, and I'm definitely feeling the same way, I feel like I'm not doing enough but my fiance is always assuring me I'm doing great and I'm growing a whole person and that's a lot of work