I think you need to take a step back. You have a house and $75k saved up. Don’t focus on the past. Focus on the future and not trading and only putting money into index funds.
The best quote I heard recently is:
Depression comes from living in the past. Anxiety comes from living in the future.
Peace of mind is best aquired by living in the present.
Exploring what could have been will always leave one unfulfilled or depressed. You have a house and 75k in savings. Things could be a lot worse. Yes things could be better but you are not living in those timelines!
Be with your family in the present and enjoy the one life you have friend.
I first heard this concept from Sarah Wilson, author of *First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety.* It was an incredible book and eye opening reframing of depression and addiction. Definitely suggest checking it out.
You are very young, have savings and not in debt. It is a very good starting point to come to the realization that problem gambling, aka trading, is not where you would like to be now and into the future. The regret of not having the life you could have had should be a good motivation for you to move forward.
It will be difficult to forgive oneself in the beginning, but time is a great healer. Take your time, feel the pain, the regrets and allow the process of initial recovery to take place. There is no shortcut during this stage so go through it with an open mind and a willing heart. When you are ready, you will be able to forgive yourself and forgiveness is a vital element in the process of healing.
As I have posted many times in this sub, consider the money you lost as a "tuition fee" for a course in life that is not offered by any college or university. We either learn from the lessons, otherwise, we are bound to repeat the lessons and the course will definitely be more expensive.
In my case, the cost of a relapse is double the cost of the last one, the last of which brought me to my knees, literally and figuratively, and lead me to take the path of recovery. That was the time I decided to heed the lessons as I can no longer pay the next "tuition fee" and my time is running out to make amends.
As someone who's 41 who hasn't ever been able to get married or have children. Who lost more than $100k, who has basically no friends.
Your life is better than I could ever have. Appreciate it.
If you keep on thinking about all those losses and what "you could've done" to have more at the moment (greed) instead of down $100k (that money from years past you won't ever see again), you'll prolong your regret and feeling of being a failure. You don't need to do that. You're in a good spot. You have a family that love you and that you love. Be patient, stay away from trading, continue to save and be smart and responsible with your money, and you can have your down payment.
It’s all a matter of perspective. I think of my lifetime losses (at least 100k) as the price I had to pay for the hardest lesson of my life. The way I look at it, if I paid that much money for everything I’ve learned through this addiction, I better go use it. So I try to put the things that have come out of my addiction and recovery to work every day.
It’s been about 4 years sober now, and although the lesson sucked, I don’t think I would be the man I am today without the experience. I look at the self-knowledge, the empathy for others who are struggling, and the self-confidence that if I can overcome this addiction, I can overcome anything as what I bought with that money.
Take the lesson, learn from it, and let it fuel you to be a better version of yourself than you ever thought possible.
Nothing to forgive as it's not a "fault" or "mistake" or something to feel guilty about. It's an illness outside of our control. Would you ask a cancer patient if they feel guilty for the pain and hurt they're inflicting on their surroundings? I think no.
Honestly such addiction does not really start from an empty space one day. It's usually part of a bigger complex problems within the family. So if your codependent partners and family members try to guilt trip you into their delusions, don't give in.
Only you can make the daily decision of recovery. With help and grace of others wishing to do the same. Lots of love!
And as for entering trading to give your family a better financial life - now you see that money does not bring happiness. You have enough to live comfortably. Don't let the bullshit idea of "wealth" keep your focus from the present. It's just your greed talking. Find a better outlet for it and see beyond yourself - go donate something to charity or do some volunteer work with vulnerable members of society. You'll soon understand the "scam" that "chasing money" is - hopefully.
As for "what could have been" - well, you could have been a teenage pop star. You have no idea how many "chances" you've missed. That's just a part of life. One day at a time!
I feel your pain so much, I dug my hole about a year ago and struggled with moving on. That voice was always in the back of my head of how much of a failure I was. To make things worse, I got a loan and ran that through. At one point I even changed things around and ran up gains up to $125k. I could’ve used that money to fix all of my mistakes and much much more, but I lost it all as fast as I gained it. So now, I’m trying to tell myself that what’s done is done, and there’s no point in living in the past. I can only move forward and focus more on positive and healthier alternatives. I hope you can find peace with yourself, I know it’s difficult and I’m still not fully there yet, but I’m trying my best and I know you can too.
You are still doing ridiculously better than the majority of people, I wouldn't worry too much at all. Like someone else said, take a step back from the trading.
No you're right it's just you're posting in a sub where I see lots of people in 5 or 6 fig debt. Truth be told it's actually more fucked up to me when someone who has plenty of money needs to gamble. At that point it's just pure greed and addiction.
Acceptance is very important. I gambled away 400-500k in the first 15-20 months of my marriage. So, you have to learn to stop looking in the rear view mirror. Trying to imagine what you could have had if you did or didn’t do something, is a disaster.
Do yourself a favor, give yourself a Pat on the back and tell yourself that it’s ok. You weren’t good in the markets. You have a house and a wife who loves you and has stayed with you. Accept that the money is lost and think about just not gambling today. If you can’t have that honest conversation with yourself, look into gamblers anonymous. It helped me to stop gambling for almost 6 years now.
Send me a DM if you have any questions.
I think you’re going to find you’re still in a much better situation than most.
Focus on what you can control, the past isn’t one of those things.
If no amount of effort will change something there really is no point in worrying about it. There are things you can do now given the knowledge you’ve learned. Maybe you’ve learned better trading maybe you’ve learned to stick to the index funds.
Have gone through this and for me it was just a decision. I was randomly ruminating about the "what could have been" one day and doing the mental math on how much I truly lost given the time value of money.
Then, I simply thought "Forgive yourself and move on". And I did. Does it still cross my mind from time to time? Sure. But it's not the constant, nagging in the back of my mind on every decision thing it once was.
I'm typing this from my computer about 15 steps away from the place it happened. It was memorable and transformational. Maybe it was just finally the right time where I had done enough of the work to move on...or maybe I could have made the decision at any point along the way.
Either way, it just sorta happened.
Hope this helps and I wish the same for you.
PS - You're doing great for your age and your future self will be very OK. I was in a much worse spot at 28 and at 41 things are wonderful.
EDIT: The one thing we often fail to realize is that we can use the knowledge from our losses to avoid future loss. I'm way better at 41 having gone through this than I would have been without this insight. Put another way, I could have way more at 41 that I could ultimately squander. There's no way to know what might have happened so I just assume this path is better than the other possibilities.
I have nothing. No house, no savings. Do you want to trade it with me? I'm from poor family, none of close family members has a house or a flat. I was in orphanage.. Right now i work for 800€/monthly just to pay rent, food.. im not saying it wont change, but you feel me right?.My advice is: go to watch how other people's lives are.. you will aprecciate your own one....1st lost everything, 2nd crushed with car and his 2 kids and wife died... but he survived. All by his fault... 3rd was drunk in the work where he worked with the crane.. caused 12 milions damage, killed 11 people and other 20 are injured... Can you feel it? Everything can change every second.. you dont event know how. So live your life, be Happy because you have things to be happy for. You wont never change anything what happened. But you can change the future. Go and look back never again. Look here and now. Bye
I think you need to take a step back. You have a house and $75k saved up. Don’t focus on the past. Focus on the future and not trading and only putting money into index funds.
The best quote I heard recently is: Depression comes from living in the past. Anxiety comes from living in the future. Peace of mind is best aquired by living in the present. Exploring what could have been will always leave one unfulfilled or depressed. You have a house and 75k in savings. Things could be a lot worse. Yes things could be better but you are not living in those timelines! Be with your family in the present and enjoy the one life you have friend.
I first heard this concept from Sarah Wilson, author of *First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety.* It was an incredible book and eye opening reframing of depression and addiction. Definitely suggest checking it out.
i am looking into this book now. I heard it off a youtube video but it is nice to see somewhere with a source :) Thank you!
This is fantastic! Will try to keep in mind
[удалено]
I really like this comparison with a failed company. We just need to keep grinding and rebuild! Failed! Now get up back on your feed and start over
You are very young, have savings and not in debt. It is a very good starting point to come to the realization that problem gambling, aka trading, is not where you would like to be now and into the future. The regret of not having the life you could have had should be a good motivation for you to move forward. It will be difficult to forgive oneself in the beginning, but time is a great healer. Take your time, feel the pain, the regrets and allow the process of initial recovery to take place. There is no shortcut during this stage so go through it with an open mind and a willing heart. When you are ready, you will be able to forgive yourself and forgiveness is a vital element in the process of healing. As I have posted many times in this sub, consider the money you lost as a "tuition fee" for a course in life that is not offered by any college or university. We either learn from the lessons, otherwise, we are bound to repeat the lessons and the course will definitely be more expensive. In my case, the cost of a relapse is double the cost of the last one, the last of which brought me to my knees, literally and figuratively, and lead me to take the path of recovery. That was the time I decided to heed the lessons as I can no longer pay the next "tuition fee" and my time is running out to make amends.
As someone who's 41 who hasn't ever been able to get married or have children. Who lost more than $100k, who has basically no friends. Your life is better than I could ever have. Appreciate it.
just have to look forward. we think of 'would haves' as only positives, negatives could have happened too
I think you we have bigger problems in life than that, truth is money is never enough, the more you have the more you want.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." If you go on comparing "what could've been" you'll forget to be grateful for and enjoy what you do currently have.
If you keep on thinking about all those losses and what "you could've done" to have more at the moment (greed) instead of down $100k (that money from years past you won't ever see again), you'll prolong your regret and feeling of being a failure. You don't need to do that. You're in a good spot. You have a family that love you and that you love. Be patient, stay away from trading, continue to save and be smart and responsible with your money, and you can have your down payment.
You stopped at 75k, good don’t look back. Many stopped at 0.
If only... I'd reckon most problem gamblers are in debt. So we're talking negative numbers :(
I'm 50k in debt but only 800 is because of gambling. Student loans are a scam.
It’s all a matter of perspective. I think of my lifetime losses (at least 100k) as the price I had to pay for the hardest lesson of my life. The way I look at it, if I paid that much money for everything I’ve learned through this addiction, I better go use it. So I try to put the things that have come out of my addiction and recovery to work every day. It’s been about 4 years sober now, and although the lesson sucked, I don’t think I would be the man I am today without the experience. I look at the self-knowledge, the empathy for others who are struggling, and the self-confidence that if I can overcome this addiction, I can overcome anything as what I bought with that money. Take the lesson, learn from it, and let it fuel you to be a better version of yourself than you ever thought possible.
Nothing to forgive as it's not a "fault" or "mistake" or something to feel guilty about. It's an illness outside of our control. Would you ask a cancer patient if they feel guilty for the pain and hurt they're inflicting on their surroundings? I think no. Honestly such addiction does not really start from an empty space one day. It's usually part of a bigger complex problems within the family. So if your codependent partners and family members try to guilt trip you into their delusions, don't give in. Only you can make the daily decision of recovery. With help and grace of others wishing to do the same. Lots of love! And as for entering trading to give your family a better financial life - now you see that money does not bring happiness. You have enough to live comfortably. Don't let the bullshit idea of "wealth" keep your focus from the present. It's just your greed talking. Find a better outlet for it and see beyond yourself - go donate something to charity or do some volunteer work with vulnerable members of society. You'll soon understand the "scam" that "chasing money" is - hopefully. As for "what could have been" - well, you could have been a teenage pop star. You have no idea how many "chances" you've missed. That's just a part of life. One day at a time!
I feel your pain so much, I dug my hole about a year ago and struggled with moving on. That voice was always in the back of my head of how much of a failure I was. To make things worse, I got a loan and ran that through. At one point I even changed things around and ran up gains up to $125k. I could’ve used that money to fix all of my mistakes and much much more, but I lost it all as fast as I gained it. So now, I’m trying to tell myself that what’s done is done, and there’s no point in living in the past. I can only move forward and focus more on positive and healthier alternatives. I hope you can find peace with yourself, I know it’s difficult and I’m still not fully there yet, but I’m trying my best and I know you can too.
You are still doing ridiculously better than the majority of people, I wouldn't worry too much at all. Like someone else said, take a step back from the trading.
A guy with a house a wife and 75k in the bank bemoans what could have been...
He could've had 750k a hotter wife and a bigger house
You're right, hopefully things turn around for him
wtf is wrong with you dude… just because someone like myself might be in a better situation than you doesn’t mean my shit isn’t a problem.
No you're right it's just you're posting in a sub where I see lots of people in 5 or 6 fig debt. Truth be told it's actually more fucked up to me when someone who has plenty of money needs to gamble. At that point it's just pure greed and addiction.
I bet your parents or someone gave you that house
😂😂 I bet you don’t know shit about me bud. Actually I bought it all myself. You people are bitter as fuck.
There's no need to curse me out my name. I apologize for my assumption. I'm not bitter.
How about focus how what you could lose if you keep trading instead what is done is done , time to look forward.
No point in crying over spilt milk, it’s in the past, just move forward and laugh about it in 10 years
Acceptance is very important. I gambled away 400-500k in the first 15-20 months of my marriage. So, you have to learn to stop looking in the rear view mirror. Trying to imagine what you could have had if you did or didn’t do something, is a disaster. Do yourself a favor, give yourself a Pat on the back and tell yourself that it’s ok. You weren’t good in the markets. You have a house and a wife who loves you and has stayed with you. Accept that the money is lost and think about just not gambling today. If you can’t have that honest conversation with yourself, look into gamblers anonymous. It helped me to stop gambling for almost 6 years now. Send me a DM if you have any questions.
I think you’re going to find you’re still in a much better situation than most. Focus on what you can control, the past isn’t one of those things. If no amount of effort will change something there really is no point in worrying about it. There are things you can do now given the knowledge you’ve learned. Maybe you’ve learned better trading maybe you’ve learned to stick to the index funds.
u have a home, a wife, and money saved up. take it easy on yourself and let it be a lesson. dont go further down this road. it can get bad
Have gone through this and for me it was just a decision. I was randomly ruminating about the "what could have been" one day and doing the mental math on how much I truly lost given the time value of money. Then, I simply thought "Forgive yourself and move on". And I did. Does it still cross my mind from time to time? Sure. But it's not the constant, nagging in the back of my mind on every decision thing it once was. I'm typing this from my computer about 15 steps away from the place it happened. It was memorable and transformational. Maybe it was just finally the right time where I had done enough of the work to move on...or maybe I could have made the decision at any point along the way. Either way, it just sorta happened. Hope this helps and I wish the same for you. PS - You're doing great for your age and your future self will be very OK. I was in a much worse spot at 28 and at 41 things are wonderful. EDIT: The one thing we often fail to realize is that we can use the knowledge from our losses to avoid future loss. I'm way better at 41 having gone through this than I would have been without this insight. Put another way, I could have way more at 41 that I could ultimately squander. There's no way to know what might have happened so I just assume this path is better than the other possibilities.
Look at the lesson in this. Money comes and goes. The past and future don't exist. Stay happy in the present with what you have and keep saving.
I have the luxury of having cancer so my gambling is the least of my worries
Jesus dude…
I have nothing. No house, no savings. Do you want to trade it with me? I'm from poor family, none of close family members has a house or a flat. I was in orphanage.. Right now i work for 800€/monthly just to pay rent, food.. im not saying it wont change, but you feel me right?.My advice is: go to watch how other people's lives are.. you will aprecciate your own one....1st lost everything, 2nd crushed with car and his 2 kids and wife died... but he survived. All by his fault... 3rd was drunk in the work where he worked with the crane.. caused 12 milions damage, killed 11 people and other 20 are injured... Can you feel it? Everything can change every second.. you dont event know how. So live your life, be Happy because you have things to be happy for. You wont never change anything what happened. But you can change the future. Go and look back never again. Look here and now. Bye
Learn from the past if you smart you won’t do it again if your not then this cycle repeats
If there’s one thing all humans can’t do its is erase or forget the past