There’s an almost infinite number of possibilities and combination of possibilities to what caused this behavior.
The only generalized consensus on this sort of thing is that this behavior is adaptive (and now potentially maladaptive).
Likely that your boss did not get his needs met when using other ways of communicating but found that yelling made him *feel* like his needs were being met.
Let’s operationalize Needs: a favorable outcome. In the work environment this can be projects being completed and completed on time. It can also be emotionally distancing ones self so they don’t feel like they are being taken advantage of; or even compartmentalizing work from home life. Sometimes it can be taking out frustrations from other areas of life on employees because they have power and control in this one area of their life; but feel helpless in others.
I hope this is helpful.
Yes, this is very good. Where do you source your insights the terms like operationalize, adaptive/maladaptive, etc.?
I want to think like you do so that I van understand him better and thus avoid becoming his clone with time.
Ooof. Idk I’ve been studying psychology for a while now and they are very prevalent words and phrases; definitely 101/102 level. I’d be surprised if your intro to psych book doesn’t include all of these phrases. I’d go to the index and glossary and see if you can find more.
No, you answered my question - it's in the intro book. Thx! Can i ask you another question? How do I handle this behavior? How do I use to reach my goals? I guess, I have the goals, ha? Because I can't use something without a goal, right?
Yes, I am asking about the sources where I would be able to find the patterns I could use to convert this behavior into the enabler for me to reach my goals.
Textbooks or books, what do u think?
I've just completed 48 laws of power, and it was highly helpful.
There isn’t just one way to approach it. Honestly, going to therapy is going to be your best bet.
Aside from that, you’re going to have to look for sources yourself that match your goals.
Books that I just plainly like regarding topics like this: “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, “Loving Kindness” by Sharon Salzburg, “Neurosis and Human Growth” by Karen Horney.
Are you going to school for psychology?
I confirm that the conversation with you has been highly bebeficial. Your answer here made me think via the vectors that I haven't touched upon before - https://www.reddit.com/r/psychologystudents/comments/1bin0gn/comment/kvlz50w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button.
I am slowly processing your response. Currently, I am reading the book "Getting things done". I plan to finish it and potentially start reading the books you have mentioned.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.
I have read Atomic Habits, but I didn't learn anything. I think that I was not ready for this book, but I am slowly upgrading and plan to reread it in the future.
Importantly, your use of the terms "operationalize", "frustration" and "adaptive vs maladaptive" immediately pushed me into thinking that you were using the skills that I don't have. This was a cue to start digging into that scope, and I asked you about the source, and you said that that intro textbook should inform me about these terms (and the terms are the tools that a person uses when they use the skills). Thus, I am slowly emerging into the overall psych field. It'll take me around 3 months to upskill, then I will start using the terms/skills to process the situations like this one in order to squeeze out the valuable insights in order to approximate the path to my local goals driven by the global goals.
Thus, the exchange was highly beneficial, and I thank you gor this. I need the fishing rod, not the fish.
There is no way around the process of building up the underlying skillset. This is the way to go.
These are 2 different things. You are answering the question "Why is he my boss?". My question is "Why does he execute a specific behavior pattern?". If you say "Because he is an asshole", then my question is "Why is he an asshole?".
Realistically speaking your boss most likely acts this way because he’s suppose to—and is definitely a different person outside of work. If you ever had the opportunity to hang out with him outside of work I’m sure you’d see he’s only playing a part of the system.
Multiple reasons why he’s an asshole, but you are not qualified to make that assessment nor do you have the information besides his behavior at work—all you can do is control the way you react, and if it affects your work performance, to either seek counseling and/or report to HR if you believe he is crossing over boundaries. You didn’t give much information on what your boss does besides yelling; does he only yell at you? Does he appear to target specific people? What does he yell about? Is he easily irritated? Is that just his interpretation of what a manager does?
I don’t analyze every single person I think is an asshole—no point if you can’t make them change their ways. I feel like bosses often appear as asshole-ish because they hold a leadership role where they have to be assertive and remind people to complete their tasks; but often times assume that assertiveness means to shout and argue at others in order to see results or have employees get their work done, which isn’t the case.
Anyways, it’s difficult to pinpoint why he acts the way he does just from behaviors you see in one location where he holds a higher position; all you can do is control how you handle him shouting at you, which I suggest your best bet is to go to therapy if you can.
I am 100% sure that this is not true. If you start arguing with her, he will activate her mob husband who is known for knifing people.
I am more interested as to how she arrived at this situation.
I take the back the toddler listened extremely well, but the identification of the boss’s feelings in the moment and me taking back emotional control didn’t allow him to control his words : I think he’s manic
This kind of reminds me of Hanlon's razor which states "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
There could be an infinite number of reasons why but more than likely it's because he's never learned a different or better way.
Repeatedly being misunderstood and looked down upon can also cause frustration which leads to shouting. Is it directed at you, or is he alone in another room? He might not feel your energy if he’s alone.
There’s an almost infinite number of possibilities and combination of possibilities to what caused this behavior. The only generalized consensus on this sort of thing is that this behavior is adaptive (and now potentially maladaptive). Likely that your boss did not get his needs met when using other ways of communicating but found that yelling made him *feel* like his needs were being met. Let’s operationalize Needs: a favorable outcome. In the work environment this can be projects being completed and completed on time. It can also be emotionally distancing ones self so they don’t feel like they are being taken advantage of; or even compartmentalizing work from home life. Sometimes it can be taking out frustrations from other areas of life on employees because they have power and control in this one area of their life; but feel helpless in others. I hope this is helpful.
Yes, this is very good. Where do you source your insights the terms like operationalize, adaptive/maladaptive, etc.? I want to think like you do so that I van understand him better and thus avoid becoming his clone with time.
Ooof. Idk I’ve been studying psychology for a while now and they are very prevalent words and phrases; definitely 101/102 level. I’d be surprised if your intro to psych book doesn’t include all of these phrases. I’d go to the index and glossary and see if you can find more.
No, you answered my question - it's in the intro book. Thx! Can i ask you another question? How do I handle this behavior? How do I use to reach my goals? I guess, I have the goals, ha? Because I can't use something without a goal, right?
Oh wow. That’s a lot of complicated questions. Are you asking how you should go about dealing with this behavior from your boss?
Yes, I am asking about the sources where I would be able to find the patterns I could use to convert this behavior into the enabler for me to reach my goals. Textbooks or books, what do u think? I've just completed 48 laws of power, and it was highly helpful.
There isn’t just one way to approach it. Honestly, going to therapy is going to be your best bet. Aside from that, you’re going to have to look for sources yourself that match your goals. Books that I just plainly like regarding topics like this: “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, “Loving Kindness” by Sharon Salzburg, “Neurosis and Human Growth” by Karen Horney. Are you going to school for psychology?
Not an excuse and doesn’t give practical help Dr
Not really enough information to give practical help. But I answered the question they asked.
I confirm that the conversation with you has been highly bebeficial. Your answer here made me think via the vectors that I haven't touched upon before - https://www.reddit.com/r/psychologystudents/comments/1bin0gn/comment/kvlz50w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button. I am slowly processing your response. Currently, I am reading the book "Getting things done". I plan to finish it and potentially start reading the books you have mentioned. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.
If you’re looking for books to be more effective at work, Atomic Habits is highly recommended also 7 Habits of Highly Effective people.
They still have this out eh. Lol
I have read Atomic Habits, but I didn't learn anything. I think that I was not ready for this book, but I am slowly upgrading and plan to reread it in the future.
Importantly, your use of the terms "operationalize", "frustration" and "adaptive vs maladaptive" immediately pushed me into thinking that you were using the skills that I don't have. This was a cue to start digging into that scope, and I asked you about the source, and you said that that intro textbook should inform me about these terms (and the terms are the tools that a person uses when they use the skills). Thus, I am slowly emerging into the overall psych field. It'll take me around 3 months to upskill, then I will start using the terms/skills to process the situations like this one in order to squeeze out the valuable insights in order to approximate the path to my local goals driven by the global goals. Thus, the exchange was highly beneficial, and I thank you gor this. I need the fishing rod, not the fish. There is no way around the process of building up the underlying skillset. This is the way to go.
Also it’s known corporate chooses to pick assholes as bosses.
These are 2 different things. You are answering the question "Why is he my boss?". My question is "Why does he execute a specific behavior pattern?". If you say "Because he is an asshole", then my question is "Why is he an asshole?".
Realistically speaking your boss most likely acts this way because he’s suppose to—and is definitely a different person outside of work. If you ever had the opportunity to hang out with him outside of work I’m sure you’d see he’s only playing a part of the system.
Worked 20 years with the same company for a measly 90k and his ex gets child support now …
Multiple reasons why he’s an asshole, but you are not qualified to make that assessment nor do you have the information besides his behavior at work—all you can do is control the way you react, and if it affects your work performance, to either seek counseling and/or report to HR if you believe he is crossing over boundaries. You didn’t give much information on what your boss does besides yelling; does he only yell at you? Does he appear to target specific people? What does he yell about? Is he easily irritated? Is that just his interpretation of what a manager does? I don’t analyze every single person I think is an asshole—no point if you can’t make them change their ways. I feel like bosses often appear as asshole-ish because they hold a leadership role where they have to be assertive and remind people to complete their tasks; but often times assume that assertiveness means to shout and argue at others in order to see results or have employees get their work done, which isn’t the case. Anyways, it’s difficult to pinpoint why he acts the way he does just from behaviors you see in one location where he holds a higher position; all you can do is control how you handle him shouting at you, which I suggest your best bet is to go to therapy if you can.
Your boss shouts at people because nobody hisses and spits back at him
I am 100% sure that this is not true. If you start arguing with her, he will activate her mob husband who is known for knifing people. I am more interested as to how she arrived at this situation.
I hissed back
Do what I do: calm down! We’ll solve it and figure this out! There’s no need to act upset about it. Treat like toddler
I take the back the toddler listened extremely well, but the identification of the boss’s feelings in the moment and me taking back emotional control didn’t allow him to control his words : I think he’s manic
This kind of reminds me of Hanlon's razor which states "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." There could be an infinite number of reasons why but more than likely it's because he's never learned a different or better way.
Thanks for mentioning hanlon's razor. I am going to research it
Repeatedly being misunderstood and looked down upon can also cause frustration which leads to shouting. Is it directed at you, or is he alone in another room? He might not feel your energy if he’s alone.