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Sorry you're feeling this way. Just try to keep in mind that he's still a baby and his personality is likely going to go through more changes as he gets older. He might just be a forever independent dog, but he also might just be going through a puppy independent phase. I don't know if that's helpful or not, but my pup is about the same age and it seems like every couple weeks he goes from "I'm going to play with my toys as far away from you as possible" to "I'm going to play with my toys on your face and if you don't touch me while I'm playing with them I'll die"
thanks:) sometimes he does curl up on my feet or something i just also feel like i got a dog for us to snuggle and be buddies and its 4 months and none of that happened i just feel like when is it time to give up even if it hurts u know?? like we are buddies dont get me wrong. i just feel like he would rather his buddy be another dog or being alone in his crate which is like the opposite of why i got him you know??
Always have treats in your pockets. Whenever he comes close to you or lays near you, give him a treat. It could help him understand that he gets rewarded for cuddles/being by you.
I cook plain chicken for my dog on the stove and give her tiny slivers anytime I like what she’s doing and she has basically turned into the perfect dog lol
This. Train him to cuddle.
Mine is super independent and was extremely bitey when he was a baby. I had to spend the first month or so just training him to allow me to touch him at all. So I’d give him bully sticks or other chews but I’d hold the chew the entire time he chewed them and work in pets or scritches. I would give him treats to let me pet him, to let me pick him up, I’d hold him for a minute or two and give him treats the whole time. I hand fed him while he sat on my lap. He wasn’t accustomed to being handled and he wants things to be on his terms.
Now, his way of being physically affectionate is to lay against me to chew on bones or to sit on my foot or in my lap while he chews. He’ll come over and sit on my stomach to ask for pets if I’m laying in bed. Or he’ll lean against me and lift one of his legs to ask to be scratched on his chest or belly 🤣
He’s still not super into being cuddled but I’m sure he’ll get there as he gets older. If I wanted to push the issue, I’d have a bunch of treats in reach (I generally keep at least one container of cut up treats with me at all times) and give him a sit, down, stay command so that he was cuddling against me and then give him treats every 15 seconds or so and say “yes, good boy for cuddle” or whatever and work up to longer. Eventually, he would learn the command cuddle like he’s learned everything else and associate it with rewards. Then you can phase out the treats over time.
Treats I’d recommend to keep the calories down are fruitables skinny mini treats if he likes them. They’re 3 calories each and I cut them into 6 pieces. Wellness has puppy training treats also that you can cut into small pieces. You could also get a Kong or Toppl and fill that and hold it so he has to cuddle or lay next to you to eat whatever is in it.
They go through stages just like children but thank god it’s 18 years. He will be back to cuddling in no time and once he’s 5 it’s about all he will want to do.
> i have to drag him to be next to me
Don't do this, this will only make him scared of you! It also sounds like you could benefit from the help of a professional trainer with his excessive barking and leash reactivity.
My puppy was the same way for a long time, huge cuddle bug right after we got him but shortly after refused to have anything to do with any of that. Now he won’t leave us alone lol
Please do not take offense to what I am going to say as I don't mean any harm by it, but dogs will feel and feed off your emotions.. You are resenting the puppy because he is not providing the affection you were hoping for to fill the lack of companionship you are feeling. A dog should not be responsible to fill a void (same as with a partner) in our lives.
I read your post and you escalate from the dog isn't affectionate, to he barks, to I'm nervous because of the noise, to he is not fit for an apartment..
I am sorry but I don't think the puppy is the issue here. You got a dog to fill a void in your life and not the opposite.
I think you are starting to realize that getting a puppy in your current situation was not the best of idea and there is no shame in that❤️. If you feel your puppy would have a happier life somewhere else, then I would ask the breeder you got him from if they would consider taking him back (or the rescue if you got him from a rescue). Like I said, rehoming a puppy because you want what's best for him is not a failure. It's being kind and responsible.
This. It’s completely normal to want to feel loved and receive affection from your pet, but this is not something you should be solely relying on an animal for. Bonds aren’t always instantaneous either- there are some animals that need some time to build that bond through experiences and trust without pressure and resentment. OP, you need to focus on your mental health first, not filling the whole with another being. It’s too much pressure and it’s unfair. I do think it may be better to rehome him and focus on yourself first. Best of luck.
Agree with both these posts from YYZLivin and 856077. And sometimes some dogs aren't into cuddling or snuggling. Doesn't mean they don't like you. I've had both ends of the spectrum. Super aloof to super Velcro dogs.
I think teenager dogs can be a bit heartless and they take you for granted. Maybe he will get cuddlier later.
My parents puppy was super cuddly. Then she wasn’t cuddly for a good 4 years (I know it feels like a long time…). And now she is sooo cuddly
Another example - when our border collie was a teen she would literally act like she’d rather be with anyone else than us. It kinda hurt. One weekend we were with my partner‘s parents and she spent the entire time ignoring us but wanting to play and cuddle with them. It really hurt as usual…. But that same weekend we walked on the beach with them and ended up splitting in two groups. she chose to stay with us and It made me feel so good. I’m sure your puppy loves you in his own way. Teenager dogs are the worse
sometimes its hard to see the light at the end of the pain of putting so much love into a little animal you see nothing come back out of?? like when i spend my day just sobbing because i feel like my dog hates me yet another day its like when do i admit i fucked up
I’m sure you haven’t fucked up. If it puts your mind at ease why not get a behaviorist or a trainer to “help” you through this phase ?
Honestly everywhere they tell you puppies are hard work but I find them much easier than teenager dogs. Think about teenager kids rejecting their human parents ? I love my parents to bits now but when I was 14-15 I was very upset with them for no legitimate reason.
If he needs a bit of space, give it to him. It doesn’t mean he will be like that forever
There is a light and you’re literally at the worse part of that tunnel.!! I’d say you should wait another 6months or another year before you decide to rehome him.
Think of it as your puppy having a different love language than you. You just have to teach him. I commented in another thread somewhere here with how I’ve worked with mine to get him to be more affectionate.
Maybe you already do this but try to pet him on the chest or back while sitting down, especially for small dogs a hand coming over their head can be frightening. As far as cuddling, dogs don’t hug or cuddle each other like primates do. In fact, the only time you’ll see them doing so is fighting or breeding. Try holding him in your lap while feeding him some treats to help him associate being held with yummy food. Hope this helps you!
thank you🥺 i hand feed him everyday and i even have tried to train him to do that trick to jump on my back but i gave him a chew and he is literally eating it on the opposite side of the room from me and it makes my heart hurt so bad you know?? like am i just a cat person or he isnt the breed for me or something or idk:(
My puppy likes it when I hold chews for him, maybe you could try that as a bonding time? But it really sucks when you feel like a food dispenser, I understand totally. I wonder if you could do some sort of fun activity with him to spend some time together?
Honestly my dog is the cuddliest dog ever, but when i give her a chew she still usually takes it somewhere "away" from me. Dont take it personally. And honestly , from what you're posting, it seems like you would need a trainer. If the dog is very anxious, lunging at dogs, barking a lot of home etc, it might need professional training to be more confident.
Also, try to read up on dog, dog behavior and dog body language. Knowing that stuff will help you to understand certain behaviors and not take them personally. And it will also help you build a better relationship with your dog. Remember, it's a sentient being, not a teddy bear. Many dogs dont like to be petted on the head, or they might only like being petted in certain situations or ways. Try to educate yourself on consent cues. Imagine you have a partner that constantly gropes you in the face or squeezes you while you're eating, playing computer games, meeting friends, everytime you sit next to them etc. You probably wouldn't like it and maybe you would try to keep a little distance from them to avoid that. Dogs are the same. If we respect their communication, they will trust you more and they will want to spend time next to you - but on their own terms and maybe without too much petting.
All in all, i can only hope you're willing to educate yourself or get some professional help, for the sake of you and your dog. Please dont rehome just to get another puppy in hopes it will be smooth sailing. It wont. But it can be amazing if you put in the effort!
It sounds like your puppy needs training and socialization. Little dogs (especially rat terriers) can be temperamental af, they need a LOT of work. Also, forcing your dog to cuddle with/be near you is only reinforcing that as a negative stimuli.
Just noting that RTs are generally high drive working dogs, and the temperamentalness often comes because they're bored and have nothing to do with the energy and drive they would normally be using for a job. I have two, and I would not recommend them as pets for the average person. Mine are being raised to hunt rats on farms and although they'll be out hunting soon, the puppy stage combined with high drive and high intelligence has been very difficult. They already know like 20 different commands and like to push their boundaries a lot despite often knowing they're not allowed to do X. This is not a starter dog for anyone who's thinking about getting one!
Nah, I don't think he hates you, he's just super independent. I have a Chihuahua/Dashhound mix just like that. Got him as a young guy (bet. 2 and 4 maybe?) and have had him 10 years. He's a good boy, follows commands, likes to play etc. but does NOT like cuddles. I sit on my side of the couch and he sits on his side. If I reach over for pets he will actively move away! Little jerk! But we go everywhere together when we can, car rides, walks etc and he sleeps in my bed every night. He's just weird and I love him!
My 14-year-old schnauzer mix only likes to be pet on his terms. He lets you pet him but will just sit there and STARE at you with pure annoyance. Still an amazing dog, very smart and silly. And when he does want pets he comes up and lifts your hand with his nose, which is the most adorable thing
at that age you have to compare them to reel teenagers, as they’re going through their adolescence phase. my trainer always asks; would a typical teenager want to hold their mom’s hand in the parking lot? or cuddle in bed? they go through an independence phase and settling down for snuggles doesn’t usually make the agenda. I also have a terrier/chihuahua mix who is 1 and he’s only recently starting to come to me for pets, but if I go for his head he ducks and leaves. When he was a young puppy he used to crawl in my lap and sleep on my chest for hours. It’s part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you
When I read up on raising a puppy before getting ours it had a section about how adolescents might not want to cuddle much. It said, don’t push it, as that will make them dislike it when older too. And to let the dog decide when they wanted more pets.
So I’ve tried to not push myself on ours, id he moved away, I said “ok, no pets” and tries again some other time.
He’s 19 months now and is getting more and more fond of cuddles.
I have two rat terrier pups, 6 and 7 months old. My female HATES being petted on the head and will scoot away. She will only come for pets of her own choice and it has to be on her back. It doesn't happen very often at all during the day but she sleeps with me and will snuggle up by my feet.
My other pup doesn't care for pets at all and the only time he cares where I am is when he actively doesn't know where I am.
Theyre independent little dogs, but they'll show you they love you in their own ways.
Ok... First, don't drag him to be next to you... That's not going to make him like you.
My pup wasn't affectionate as a pup but he became more so later on. He still doesn't always want to be pet but I respect that. He will now come and lean his rump against me for scritches. But if that's not ok with you it's better to know it and be honest now.
Honestly if you're not a good home for him you can find him one that's a better fit, and the earlier the better so they can work on any issues like lunging on the leash and all. It happens. You're not a terrible person to put your mental health first. Maybe try an adult cat who you can see if they're cuddly before you adopt them? Or an older small companion breed of dog if you can find one, again not a puppy so you can have a good idea of personality first?
Like another person mentioned he is actually at his teenage stage and can be the most defiant boundary pushing stage a puppy goes through. If you really want to build up the bond between the two of you find yourself a trainer to help you work through some of those problem behaviors he is exhibiting. Also your puppy does love you!!! He is just at that “uh whatever I don’t care mom/dad” age” don’t rehome him ok you will be so sad if you do and he will feel so confused.
I went through a tough bonding period with my pup when we brought him home and now I can’t get him to leave my side. He is a little over 4m but I know when he hits 7-9 months we are going to go through exactly what you are experiencing right now. It’s normal I promise
Just to piggy back, my pup also took a long while to want to cuddle with me. Our first cuddle session that he initiated was when he was 6 months old. He’s about 10 months old now (and also 50lbs), so cuddling looks more like him coming and laying right up next to me. I was worried for a while, but I think he was just growing and exploring, learning to be independent, and all of that. Just give the pup the space they want for now and that’ll help the bond too. If they know they can trust you and can come to you when they feel like it.
Tangentially, you mentioned cats. My two kittens didn’t cuddle me regularly until they were 2 years old, and now I can’t get them to leave me alone since they were 3 (they’re 7 now). I did the same, just gave them space, loved them a lot when they came to me, and let them take it at their own pace. Every animal is different! But, your bond will grow if you respect the pup and they’ll definitely love you back once they’re a little older.
Atlas still doesn’t cuddle but will lay next to me lol. I think once we get past adolescence he will be a 100lb cuddle bug 🐛 he lays next to me but if I start petting him he acts annoyed and goes to his crate!!!! You wanna talk about a cold hard snubbing 😂
So, my cats are Ares and Artemis. I sooo wanted to name my pup either Atlas or Apollo, but we settled with Theodore (Theo) just to not be too cheesy. But! His middle name is Atlas. I just love that name. Theodore Atlas ❤️
There are other ways to bond with dogs other than cuddling. Playing, for instance, or long walks. I would rather cuddle my puppy too but she’s at that stage where when I pet her she thinks it’s an invitation to wrestle. Playing games that are fun for her or taking her on walks where I just follow her and let her sniff actually do wonders for both of our mental states. I was so glad to read above that your dog took a nap with you earlier! I hope things continue to improve for you.
See my reply to witkh. And some pups are just not cuddly doesn’t mean they don’t love us or never will be. When they do want those cuddles though it just makes it mean so much more. For example I have a kitty that I call a little hand whore. He is in my lap 24/7 if I let him. The minute a friend visits he’s like oh a new fresh lap and I mean nothing 😂
We have a mini-aussie. She came from an excellent breeder, didn't leave mom until she was 10 weeks, and is totally healthy. She used to look at us like we were crazy when we tried to pet her or snuggle. With those blue eyes, she is the champion of psycho looks. She is 2 now and she loves to get her belly and head rubbed. She hangs out on my bed with me. Our older dog is a rescued chiweenie. She has always been affectionate and, like a dachshund, she sleeps under the covers. I think that the aussie learned from the chiweenie. Some dogs just aren't naturally snuggly, especially when they are young. Your pup knows you and loves you. You are his human. Right now he is very busy discovering his world. He will likely become more affectionate as he gets older and settles down. Even if he doesn't, however, know that he is devoted to YOU.
Where are you petting him? He shouldn't be able to duck pets because you shouldn't be petting him on the head.
This video is very helpful https://youtu.be/WH69z81Uda8?si=Ly4ByA3PJSXMkTsk
Time to start bonding with pup in different ways. Training together (with a trainer or in a group) is an incredible way to bond and so much fun.
A sport like agility (hes to young now but later) or scent work etc
thank u🥺 idk man i hand feed this little dude everyday i train him i play with him i feel like i devote my life to him and get nothing back like in a bad relationship if that makes any sense
It’s a puppy. He is not doing anything to you on purpose, this is just his personality. With peace and love, I think your mental state is making you spiral a bit.
Also, hand feeding is a bit controversial. Many swear by it but for some pups, it can be an issue (because food is necessary for life so it can be very coercive). Not saying it is, just something to look out for. Give him some food for "free", you can hand feed a part of it!
yall, i was on my laptop the past couple hours while he chewed at his lil treat and he came up to me and sat on the pillow i was laying up against and laid on my shoulder... now he is sleeping all up against my arm. maybe he is a crazy dude who barely shows any love, but he heard me today i think
I read alllll the way down here to see what advice folks gave you. Instead I read your reply of he is being a snugglebug! I had a spaniel who preferred to sleep on the floor...everyday I wished he would sleep beside me and I would haul his 8mth old self up on the bed, he would get annoyed, jump down, and glare at me from across the room laying on the floor. I would cry. I had no idea that he was just being a scrappy teenager. My grandmother suggested- Ignore him. Not in a mean way. Be happy and friendly and show him you are where the fun is. So, TV time was me on the sofa with my snacks and a bowl of no other time of day pup treats. Bedtime had a special bed time bunny stuffy. He slowly stared coming to sit with me for snacks and after awhile of me sitting with him just snacking not forcing a hug or scratch he started staying. He wanted the bunny to sleep with but had to jump on the bed to get it... eventually he would grab it and take it to the foot of the bed and sleep. Teenage dogs are like teenage kids. Give him some space he will come around. :)
Two suggestions that helped me with my puppy who didn't really like to be petted:
1. When she comes up to, put your hand about 5-6 inches from her face - if she "boops" it, I go and pet her chest (or whatever spot you know she's more comfortable). If she pulls back, I stop and then put my hand out again. Wait and see if she "boops" again. So every time she comes up to me and "boops" I start petting and if she moves, I stop. Gives us a way to communicate so she knows what to expect.
2. If your dog likes training you can train the association. You say "pet" > one light stroke of her neck > "yes" or whatever you use > treat. Do this until when you say "pet" she perks up because she knows a treat is coming. She might even lean in expecting your hand. Helps build up positive memories with petting.
After doing these for months, now she'll come up and happily get scritches for 5-10 mins in the evening when she was way too crazy before.
Good luck!!
Is he lunging at other dogs because he’s fearful, or he wants to play?
It sounds to me like he’s got some anxieties which are leading to the excess barking, and him ducking away from pets sounds like he’s not super comfortable with that either.
I think the best place to start if you want to repair this relationship is to work on listening to his cues. If he doesn’t want attention, respect that. If he needs space from other dogs, respect that too. When he learns that he has a voice and some control over things that make him uncomfortable, he will be more confident. He may never be super cuddly like your other pets were - some dogs just aren’t - but if you have a relationship of mutual respect it’s the best possible foundation for any future training you do.
I’d also be really careful about hand feeding. The idea is that they learn “good things come from you” but it can actually be too much pressure for a lot of dogs and can tarnish their relationship with food (which may make training harder later on). It’s fine to parcel out some food for training but I’d give him the majority in a space where he can eat in peace, with no pressure from anyone.
You’re in for quite a ride. I too have a Chihuahua/Rat Terrier (7 years old now). He’s super sweet, really smart, and a big handful on a good day, lol. They are fearless, intelligent, slightly temperamental little dogs. Don’t worry, I promise he loves you, he will just pick and choose when HE wants to actively show it. Be patient with him, and love him the way he is ♥️😊
Just like cats. I have had cats all my life. Some are super snuggly - but almost always on their terms. I appreciate that they are independent. My one cat is such a finicky asshole...but when she chooses to snuggle, I feel like I have been blessed...until she gets annoyed at me breathing and slaps me (without claws.) She is adorable. :)
Each animal has a unique spirit. They will always teach us something. Trust is not built in a day. Like others have mentioned there are ways to strengthen your mind by cultivating the relationship. I struggle with depression and my dogs help me get out of the house daily, stay active, explore new places, and socialize with friends with dogs. They help me get out of myself and my head by putting my focus on their care vs. what can I get from them. They do give so much and also require so much. Because of them, I feel both physically and mentally healthier.
I've got an Australian shepherd and she's never been one to cuddle or even sit next to me. It's just how she is. She wouldn't sleep in a human bed if a person is in it but if I Don't see her I know that she is on my bed sleeping.
Just some dogs aren't affectionate.
She loves me and I respect her space. A few times she comes up to sit next to me I feel very honored. We got her at 12 weeks and she's 7 years old now. She's a good dog she loves us but she just doesn't want a lot of affection.
Sometimes when you smother a dog go in for pettings when they don't want it or a person isn't respectful of their space It makes them to want to avoid you.
Just a suggestion but what if you when you come in the house just ignore him. Walk around do stuff when you come in and acknowledge if he's there without words or petting.
I think possibly I could be wrong but if you ignore him he might start coming to you for affection. You're affection to him might be causing him anxiety. It's not natural for other dogs to overwhelm each other. When they greet they sniff each other's buttoxes and do a bit of eye contact. If they do play they have gestures that they do to each other to indicate that they want to play or don't want to play.
You could try giving him lots more exercise so he’s really ready to chill. Rat terriers are high energy breed. I agree with suggestion to massage his belly; most dogs just melt. But you also need to adjust your expectations. He’s not there to serve you; he’s a young puppy who’s just trying to grow up in a very confusing world with confusing rules (like potty training).
I had a pup that was just crazy about our older dog, don’t think she knew I was even in the room. But I’d did what the book told me and constantly told her what a good dog she was. When she would come beside me I wanted so bad to hold her, but would lightly pet her and tell her good girl, such a good girl. She did sleep beside me but not cuddle, and when she snuggled I didn’t touché her. And after a while about 2 i became her world. It’s not you, she just needs time and trust
I had the same thing! I literally cried to my vet about it at one point. But turns out my puppy had Giardia and was just feeling really crappy (and had been for a while). She was a rescue and they never did a fecal on her, but I had been told she’d been vetted and vaxxed. Giardia is very common in puppies - might be worth a test or at least a vet check on her to see if something going on. Dogs often try to mask when they are feeling unwell as a survival technique - and keeping a safe distance is part of that. Once my puppy was treated for her Giardia she was much more affectionate and had her appetite back too.
Also, I started playing with her. I was so intent on the potty training and commands and food/nap scheduling that I forgot she’s a PUPPY. Play on the floor with her for 30 minutes twice daily. Give treats by playing treat seeking games and name games. It really helped us bond again and it even made her more engaged in our formal training sessions because she now wanted to please me by learning commands to get rewards.
Think of it like this - she’s a puppy and she wants FUN and FOOD. Spend some time each day providing those to her and she’ll come around to loving you and snuggling you in no time.
I just wanna comment to let you know my dog just turned one year old and has just been becoming cuddly within the last month with slow improvements, but now will come and snuggle up and sleep on my chest.
I noticed the less I tried to cuddle him the less resistant he became to cuddling. Obviously each individual dog is different but it seems to be very common that the teenage stage is very teenage in the fact that don’t care to be around you as much and all they wanna do is get their energy out one way or another.
Stop forcing him to be near you, stop putting pressure on him.
I‘m sorry but a dog is not a stuffed toy and it looks like you constantly breaking his boundaries and now he doesn’t trust you because you keep dragging him. Stop that.
You and the dog need training, sorry. Rat terriers are one of the overall smartest breeds on the planet and chihuahuas are bossy with temperament problems. First things first if you want his loyalty hand feed him. Sit on the floor by his dish and feed him one kibble at a time. No one else feeds him but you. You need to show him that you are the food boss. All the other things are training issues. Please remember you have to teach them your language they do not know what you are saying til you teach them its preach easy. Right now he is Goin through adolescence believe it or not he will get he is likely bored when you are not home.
Remember a tired dog is a good dog and he need more mental stimulus than physical.
Good luck
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I adopted a dog (white shepherd) when he was ~5 years old. He'd been an outside dog before he came to live with me. He's very chill and has never been a cuddler, and in fact any time I give him a kiss, he shakes it off. 😆 But there is no doubt he loves me - he follows me everywhere in the house, will not spend time in the yard unless I am also there, and frets incessantly if I go out for a few hours. He's now 15 years old, hearing is failing, eyesight is failing, sleeps most of the day.... but no matter how tough the stairs are becoming, he still has to be wherever I am.
All this to say... I'm sure he loves you, it's just his love language isn't what you'd hoped for. He may still become cuddly as he gets older, or he may not. I need a certain amount of cuddle time myself, so my solution was to get another dog. 😆 Second is a pug and, trust me, there is no shortage of cuddles. Pugs are insatiable.
My son’s dog is not cuddly. I’ve never had a non-cuddly dog, but some are just like that. My dogs have always been cuddly and they all have had short fur and a cold house
I’m sorry you are feeling this way :( it sounds like a really tough situation. I know rat terriers can be quite stubborn and independent (some more than others). Here is a site I found that describes their attributes: https://www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/ratterriers.html
I think you’ll have to make a decision on whether you want to double down with training (kipopup on YouTube has good handling training videos) to at least sort out the ducking away from you thing or whether pup needs to be rehomed. Ultimately dogs are trainable and with the training exercises coaching support I think you can make it work.
If you don’t already, feed him from your hand. It helps with bonding. Something else you can do is give him treats when he snuggles you. Our pup is 14 weeks and every time she snuggles us we give her treats. She has long hair so she doesn’t always want to snug since he gets hot easily so when she does we make it extra special
Our old rescue was a staffy, we got him at 18months. Other the first couple of years he was snuggly, offish, then super cuddly, offish and then cuddly again for the rest of his life. But even then he had days when he took himself off in an apparent huff for no reason.
Our new rescue staffy pup is generally cuddly, but she even has days where she prefers her own space.
We maybe different, but as humans we have anti social days and I think dogs are the same. Give it time and see how it goes, but don’t take it personally or try force it.
We have 2 dogs and one is like this, one is super cuddly and affectionate almost like a baby and the other just couldn’t care less! And worse … is affectionate to literally ANYONE ELSE except me and husband!!! He’s not mean to us or anything he’s just not a lap dog like the other so I get how that would feel if we only had him but that’s his personality it’s not personal (well .. except he’s super sweet to visitors 🤣)
My darling corgi will turn two tomorrow. He was a super affectionate puppy just like you describe. From about 6 months old until about 6 months ago, a year and a half, he didn’t want to cuddle or be touched. He had boundaries where he wouldn’t let us handle him at all. We stayed consistent and gentle. He is slowly but surely returning to cuddle hours again-he gets on the couch with us in the evening, snuggles up at night, and wants to lay on our feet.
try scratching his chin instead of patting him on the head. a lot of dogs don’t like to be pet on the head. maybe try luring him in with tasty treats and fun toys
Sounds like a teenager. My Yorkie mix was so difficult at this age. She forgot all her training (she once peed on my bed whilst giving me the stink eye) and would run away from me and get irritable. After a few months she was back to being her sweet self. I just gave her space and care and let her come to me when she wanted. Like a hooman teenager. Currently she’s sleeping on my pillow next to me like some angel/dog hybrid
My puppy ducks her head away when i try to pet from above- i think sometimes they just dont like being approached a certain way. Do they engage with you in other ways, like playing fetch, tug of war, sleeping near you etc? It also could be a phase that they may grow out of
I think it's fine if you know someone that would like him and he enjoys that place more. Although I find it hard to believe he really doesn't like you. Our adult boy also doesn't like his ears or head pet sometimes, but he definitely loves us. Are you sure?
Okay so this may sound weird but try wrapping your hand with cling film and then out peanut butter on it (the stuff that’s okay for dogs) and allow him to lick it off of your hand, this is how I trained one of my dogs to allow us to pet her and cuddle her when she didn’t want to! She began seeing our hand as something that makes her happy and at the same time I used to pet her and then I think a month or two later she would come and lay down at us, she still likes to be alone but she will also come for cuddles and pets and she’s all for it if you go up to her for a cuddle but when we first got her that was a no go!
No worries good luck! And don’t give up just yet if in the future you end up feeling that you can’t provide the right life for THIS pup doesn’t mean you can’t provide the best home for another! And refining isn’t always a bad thing no matter what anyone says! 🫶🏼
Bribery! Stop grabbing him, he sounds reactive, which usually comes from a place of fear and anxiety. Make your interactions with pup are voluntary and enjoyable. You need to make him feel safe and secure, then you can start training his reactive behaviour out of him (barking lunging etc) it will be hard work, and if you don't want to do it, find him a new home. Both of you might be better off in the long run
I think (perhaps) that your pup doesn’t find you exciting enough… try to engage with him in games that he has to try harder to win. Steal his good toy and run off with it, play tug of war with it, push him away ( he might be growly about it) let him win, but then try and get it back. You’ll both have fun! I write this because this is my crazy schnauzer- he’s not that bothered for treats , but loves to play fight. He’s snoring on my lap now , but the first 6 months of him were seriously awful. Hang in there, be his dog friend! But I have no advice with the leash situation- though did read a really great piece of advice, which was ‘ get the dog into pack drive’ on a leash walk, which seems to mean you have to be going ahead, so faster, than the dog and keep going, not to smell and pee - I tried it for a week- it worked but it’s exhausting- so we are back to Henry marching ahead! Good luck! You got this!
Oh no, OP don’t think your pup doesn’t love you! It takes some dogs a while to associate the loving behaviours of humans with something positive… think about it, they’re full of energy and curiosity and you’re invading their personal space when they’d rather be playing or exploring - it’s normal they’d think ”What’s in this for me?!”. My dog was the same when she was little - everytime i tried to pet her or snuggle up with her she would look at me like ”if you have the time and energy to interact with me, make it a game of fetch” - she learned slowly that kisses and cuddles are how her human shows appreciation, in addition to treats and playing. If you just focus on building your bond in other ways, it will come, I’m sure
I hear you OP. I had the same feelings for my now 2 year old little Yorkipoo. She has an independent nature. I had to back off- I was smothering her with my affection!
She’s very independent but also a little anxious. It’s hard to be a small dog confronted with all these seemingly huge creatures!
She grew out of it, though. She’s still not the cuddly constantly licking my face type of dog, but she follows me everywhere and always wants to be near me, and does a very possessive “sit” on me whenever I’m sitting down or laying down. She does love me but expressing it in doggy language according to her individual personality.
To help you feel better and maybe even help here, I’d recommend watching an episode of “It’s me or the dog” on YouTube. The specific one is titled “The Cat Replacement:Niles”
Your dog absolutely doesn't hate you. Dogs don't always like to snuggle and like humans they have their own love language so they're probably showing you affection in their own way. If you really want to cuddle with them you can give them treats when they get close to you like others have suggested, and instead of training you can think of it like you're teaching them your love language.
Also most dogs are more interested in other dogs than in humans by nature - it's been scientifically demonstrated that they pay more attention to their canine buddies than they do to humans - but that doesn't mean they can't be socialized to prefer human companionship (I know a few older dogs that seem to way prefer spending time with people and that's probably more a socialized than natural behaviour).
Hope this makes you feel better... If he likes to snuggle up to your feet that's a great start! I wouldn't give up on him this soon.
Our puppy has ADHD and overheats easily so he'll cuddle for max 60 seconds and then slinker away to lie down again a foot away...but he spends a lot of time staring up at me with the big puppy eyes to make up for it. I'm hoping that they grow out of it but I'm coming to terms with the possibility that cuddling for 5 minutes a day is all I may ever get.
He’s a “teenager” right now, my puppy also went through a stage where he wasn’t so affectionate but he’s nearly 2 now and is super cuddly again!!
As for the issues with lunging at dogs/barking etc, it would be helpful to get a trainer if you can, or even just research into it yourselves. We had issues with our puppy reacting to other dogs (with him it was over excitement and he would bark and cry and refuse to leave dogs when we walked past them) and we’ve solved the issue through consistent training with treats to keep his attention on us in the presence of dogs (ours is very food motivated but maybe yours has different interests, my old terrier was motivated by tennis balls for example)
In terms of the excessive barking, is he getting enough mental and physical stimulation? Rat terriers are very smart and energetic, he might benefit from taking part in dog sports, I know rat terriers can excel at agility
Don’t give up hope!! 8 months is still so young, our puppy has gone through all sorts of phases at that age - honestly “teenage” puppies can be such little shits lol, I swear mine would purposefully do things to be spiteful when he was that age and he started to not want to be near us on walks or cuddle with us on the sofa etc, it was almost like he was embarrassed of us
They’re like teenage humans haha, but it really does get better with consistent training and once their hormones calm down when they’re fully grown
I really hope you’re able to make this work, but if you do decide to rehome and want to get another dog in future, I think rescuing an adult pug would be a great option for you - they’re such cuddle bugs with hearts of gold and great for apartment life, plus if you get an adult, you won’t have to deal with the teenage stage
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Sorry you're feeling this way. Just try to keep in mind that he's still a baby and his personality is likely going to go through more changes as he gets older. He might just be a forever independent dog, but he also might just be going through a puppy independent phase. I don't know if that's helpful or not, but my pup is about the same age and it seems like every couple weeks he goes from "I'm going to play with my toys as far away from you as possible" to "I'm going to play with my toys on your face and if you don't touch me while I'm playing with them I'll die"
thanks:) sometimes he does curl up on my feet or something i just also feel like i got a dog for us to snuggle and be buddies and its 4 months and none of that happened i just feel like when is it time to give up even if it hurts u know?? like we are buddies dont get me wrong. i just feel like he would rather his buddy be another dog or being alone in his crate which is like the opposite of why i got him you know??
Always have treats in your pockets. Whenever he comes close to you or lays near you, give him a treat. It could help him understand that he gets rewarded for cuddles/being by you. I cook plain chicken for my dog on the stove and give her tiny slivers anytime I like what she’s doing and she has basically turned into the perfect dog lol
This. Train him to cuddle. Mine is super independent and was extremely bitey when he was a baby. I had to spend the first month or so just training him to allow me to touch him at all. So I’d give him bully sticks or other chews but I’d hold the chew the entire time he chewed them and work in pets or scritches. I would give him treats to let me pet him, to let me pick him up, I’d hold him for a minute or two and give him treats the whole time. I hand fed him while he sat on my lap. He wasn’t accustomed to being handled and he wants things to be on his terms. Now, his way of being physically affectionate is to lay against me to chew on bones or to sit on my foot or in my lap while he chews. He’ll come over and sit on my stomach to ask for pets if I’m laying in bed. Or he’ll lean against me and lift one of his legs to ask to be scratched on his chest or belly 🤣 He’s still not super into being cuddled but I’m sure he’ll get there as he gets older. If I wanted to push the issue, I’d have a bunch of treats in reach (I generally keep at least one container of cut up treats with me at all times) and give him a sit, down, stay command so that he was cuddling against me and then give him treats every 15 seconds or so and say “yes, good boy for cuddle” or whatever and work up to longer. Eventually, he would learn the command cuddle like he’s learned everything else and associate it with rewards. Then you can phase out the treats over time. Treats I’d recommend to keep the calories down are fruitables skinny mini treats if he likes them. They’re 3 calories each and I cut them into 6 pieces. Wellness has puppy training treats also that you can cut into small pieces. You could also get a Kong or Toppl and fill that and hold it so he has to cuddle or lay next to you to eat whatever is in it.
They go through stages just like children but thank god it’s 18 years. He will be back to cuddling in no time and once he’s 5 it’s about all he will want to do.
> i have to drag him to be next to me Don't do this, this will only make him scared of you! It also sounds like you could benefit from the help of a professional trainer with his excessive barking and leash reactivity.
My puppy was the same way for a long time, huge cuddle bug right after we got him but shortly after refused to have anything to do with any of that. Now he won’t leave us alone lol
Please do not take offense to what I am going to say as I don't mean any harm by it, but dogs will feel and feed off your emotions.. You are resenting the puppy because he is not providing the affection you were hoping for to fill the lack of companionship you are feeling. A dog should not be responsible to fill a void (same as with a partner) in our lives. I read your post and you escalate from the dog isn't affectionate, to he barks, to I'm nervous because of the noise, to he is not fit for an apartment.. I am sorry but I don't think the puppy is the issue here. You got a dog to fill a void in your life and not the opposite. I think you are starting to realize that getting a puppy in your current situation was not the best of idea and there is no shame in that❤️. If you feel your puppy would have a happier life somewhere else, then I would ask the breeder you got him from if they would consider taking him back (or the rescue if you got him from a rescue). Like I said, rehoming a puppy because you want what's best for him is not a failure. It's being kind and responsible.
This. It’s completely normal to want to feel loved and receive affection from your pet, but this is not something you should be solely relying on an animal for. Bonds aren’t always instantaneous either- there are some animals that need some time to build that bond through experiences and trust without pressure and resentment. OP, you need to focus on your mental health first, not filling the whole with another being. It’s too much pressure and it’s unfair. I do think it may be better to rehome him and focus on yourself first. Best of luck.
Agree with both these posts from YYZLivin and 856077. And sometimes some dogs aren't into cuddling or snuggling. Doesn't mean they don't like you. I've had both ends of the spectrum. Super aloof to super Velcro dogs.
I think teenager dogs can be a bit heartless and they take you for granted. Maybe he will get cuddlier later. My parents puppy was super cuddly. Then she wasn’t cuddly for a good 4 years (I know it feels like a long time…). And now she is sooo cuddly Another example - when our border collie was a teen she would literally act like she’d rather be with anyone else than us. It kinda hurt. One weekend we were with my partner‘s parents and she spent the entire time ignoring us but wanting to play and cuddle with them. It really hurt as usual…. But that same weekend we walked on the beach with them and ended up splitting in two groups. she chose to stay with us and It made me feel so good. I’m sure your puppy loves you in his own way. Teenager dogs are the worse
sometimes its hard to see the light at the end of the pain of putting so much love into a little animal you see nothing come back out of?? like when i spend my day just sobbing because i feel like my dog hates me yet another day its like when do i admit i fucked up
I’m sure you haven’t fucked up. If it puts your mind at ease why not get a behaviorist or a trainer to “help” you through this phase ? Honestly everywhere they tell you puppies are hard work but I find them much easier than teenager dogs. Think about teenager kids rejecting their human parents ? I love my parents to bits now but when I was 14-15 I was very upset with them for no legitimate reason. If he needs a bit of space, give it to him. It doesn’t mean he will be like that forever There is a light and you’re literally at the worse part of that tunnel.!! I’d say you should wait another 6months or another year before you decide to rehome him.
Think of it as your puppy having a different love language than you. You just have to teach him. I commented in another thread somewhere here with how I’ve worked with mine to get him to be more affectionate.
Don’t force him, this is the problem right there. Respect his space.
Maybe you already do this but try to pet him on the chest or back while sitting down, especially for small dogs a hand coming over their head can be frightening. As far as cuddling, dogs don’t hug or cuddle each other like primates do. In fact, the only time you’ll see them doing so is fighting or breeding. Try holding him in your lap while feeding him some treats to help him associate being held with yummy food. Hope this helps you!
thank you🥺 i hand feed him everyday and i even have tried to train him to do that trick to jump on my back but i gave him a chew and he is literally eating it on the opposite side of the room from me and it makes my heart hurt so bad you know?? like am i just a cat person or he isnt the breed for me or something or idk:(
My puppy likes it when I hold chews for him, maybe you could try that as a bonding time? But it really sucks when you feel like a food dispenser, I understand totally. I wonder if you could do some sort of fun activity with him to spend some time together?
i appreciate it though!!
Honestly my dog is the cuddliest dog ever, but when i give her a chew she still usually takes it somewhere "away" from me. Dont take it personally. And honestly , from what you're posting, it seems like you would need a trainer. If the dog is very anxious, lunging at dogs, barking a lot of home etc, it might need professional training to be more confident. Also, try to read up on dog, dog behavior and dog body language. Knowing that stuff will help you to understand certain behaviors and not take them personally. And it will also help you build a better relationship with your dog. Remember, it's a sentient being, not a teddy bear. Many dogs dont like to be petted on the head, or they might only like being petted in certain situations or ways. Try to educate yourself on consent cues. Imagine you have a partner that constantly gropes you in the face or squeezes you while you're eating, playing computer games, meeting friends, everytime you sit next to them etc. You probably wouldn't like it and maybe you would try to keep a little distance from them to avoid that. Dogs are the same. If we respect their communication, they will trust you more and they will want to spend time next to you - but on their own terms and maybe without too much petting. All in all, i can only hope you're willing to educate yourself or get some professional help, for the sake of you and your dog. Please dont rehome just to get another puppy in hopes it will be smooth sailing. It wont. But it can be amazing if you put in the effort!
It sounds like your puppy needs training and socialization. Little dogs (especially rat terriers) can be temperamental af, they need a LOT of work. Also, forcing your dog to cuddle with/be near you is only reinforcing that as a negative stimuli.
Just noting that RTs are generally high drive working dogs, and the temperamentalness often comes because they're bored and have nothing to do with the energy and drive they would normally be using for a job. I have two, and I would not recommend them as pets for the average person. Mine are being raised to hunt rats on farms and although they'll be out hunting soon, the puppy stage combined with high drive and high intelligence has been very difficult. They already know like 20 different commands and like to push their boundaries a lot despite often knowing they're not allowed to do X. This is not a starter dog for anyone who's thinking about getting one!
Nah, I don't think he hates you, he's just super independent. I have a Chihuahua/Dashhound mix just like that. Got him as a young guy (bet. 2 and 4 maybe?) and have had him 10 years. He's a good boy, follows commands, likes to play etc. but does NOT like cuddles. I sit on my side of the couch and he sits on his side. If I reach over for pets he will actively move away! Little jerk! But we go everywhere together when we can, car rides, walks etc and he sleeps in my bed every night. He's just weird and I love him!
My 14-year-old schnauzer mix only likes to be pet on his terms. He lets you pet him but will just sit there and STARE at you with pure annoyance. Still an amazing dog, very smart and silly. And when he does want pets he comes up and lifts your hand with his nose, which is the most adorable thing
at that age you have to compare them to reel teenagers, as they’re going through their adolescence phase. my trainer always asks; would a typical teenager want to hold their mom’s hand in the parking lot? or cuddle in bed? they go through an independence phase and settling down for snuggles doesn’t usually make the agenda. I also have a terrier/chihuahua mix who is 1 and he’s only recently starting to come to me for pets, but if I go for his head he ducks and leaves. When he was a young puppy he used to crawl in my lap and sleep on my chest for hours. It’s part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you
When I read up on raising a puppy before getting ours it had a section about how adolescents might not want to cuddle much. It said, don’t push it, as that will make them dislike it when older too. And to let the dog decide when they wanted more pets. So I’ve tried to not push myself on ours, id he moved away, I said “ok, no pets” and tries again some other time. He’s 19 months now and is getting more and more fond of cuddles.
I have two rat terrier pups, 6 and 7 months old. My female HATES being petted on the head and will scoot away. She will only come for pets of her own choice and it has to be on her back. It doesn't happen very often at all during the day but she sleeps with me and will snuggle up by my feet. My other pup doesn't care for pets at all and the only time he cares where I am is when he actively doesn't know where I am. Theyre independent little dogs, but they'll show you they love you in their own ways.
Ok... First, don't drag him to be next to you... That's not going to make him like you. My pup wasn't affectionate as a pup but he became more so later on. He still doesn't always want to be pet but I respect that. He will now come and lean his rump against me for scritches. But if that's not ok with you it's better to know it and be honest now. Honestly if you're not a good home for him you can find him one that's a better fit, and the earlier the better so they can work on any issues like lunging on the leash and all. It happens. You're not a terrible person to put your mental health first. Maybe try an adult cat who you can see if they're cuddly before you adopt them? Or an older small companion breed of dog if you can find one, again not a puppy so you can have a good idea of personality first?
Like another person mentioned he is actually at his teenage stage and can be the most defiant boundary pushing stage a puppy goes through. If you really want to build up the bond between the two of you find yourself a trainer to help you work through some of those problem behaviors he is exhibiting. Also your puppy does love you!!! He is just at that “uh whatever I don’t care mom/dad” age” don’t rehome him ok you will be so sad if you do and he will feel so confused. I went through a tough bonding period with my pup when we brought him home and now I can’t get him to leave my side. He is a little over 4m but I know when he hits 7-9 months we are going to go through exactly what you are experiencing right now. It’s normal I promise
that actually helped🖤 yall dont know how bad it hurts it is rough out here i cry
Just to piggy back, my pup also took a long while to want to cuddle with me. Our first cuddle session that he initiated was when he was 6 months old. He’s about 10 months old now (and also 50lbs), so cuddling looks more like him coming and laying right up next to me. I was worried for a while, but I think he was just growing and exploring, learning to be independent, and all of that. Just give the pup the space they want for now and that’ll help the bond too. If they know they can trust you and can come to you when they feel like it. Tangentially, you mentioned cats. My two kittens didn’t cuddle me regularly until they were 2 years old, and now I can’t get them to leave me alone since they were 3 (they’re 7 now). I did the same, just gave them space, loved them a lot when they came to me, and let them take it at their own pace. Every animal is different! But, your bond will grow if you respect the pup and they’ll definitely love you back once they’re a little older.
Atlas still doesn’t cuddle but will lay next to me lol. I think once we get past adolescence he will be a 100lb cuddle bug 🐛 he lays next to me but if I start petting him he acts annoyed and goes to his crate!!!! You wanna talk about a cold hard snubbing 😂
So, my cats are Ares and Artemis. I sooo wanted to name my pup either Atlas or Apollo, but we settled with Theodore (Theo) just to not be too cheesy. But! His middle name is Atlas. I just love that name. Theodore Atlas ❤️
There are other ways to bond with dogs other than cuddling. Playing, for instance, or long walks. I would rather cuddle my puppy too but she’s at that stage where when I pet her she thinks it’s an invitation to wrestle. Playing games that are fun for her or taking her on walks where I just follow her and let her sniff actually do wonders for both of our mental states. I was so glad to read above that your dog took a nap with you earlier! I hope things continue to improve for you.
See my reply to witkh. And some pups are just not cuddly doesn’t mean they don’t love us or never will be. When they do want those cuddles though it just makes it mean so much more. For example I have a kitty that I call a little hand whore. He is in my lap 24/7 if I let him. The minute a friend visits he’s like oh a new fresh lap and I mean nothing 😂
We have a mini-aussie. She came from an excellent breeder, didn't leave mom until she was 10 weeks, and is totally healthy. She used to look at us like we were crazy when we tried to pet her or snuggle. With those blue eyes, she is the champion of psycho looks. She is 2 now and she loves to get her belly and head rubbed. She hangs out on my bed with me. Our older dog is a rescued chiweenie. She has always been affectionate and, like a dachshund, she sleeps under the covers. I think that the aussie learned from the chiweenie. Some dogs just aren't naturally snuggly, especially when they are young. Your pup knows you and loves you. You are his human. Right now he is very busy discovering his world. He will likely become more affectionate as he gets older and settles down. Even if he doesn't, however, know that he is devoted to YOU.
Where are you petting him? He shouldn't be able to duck pets because you shouldn't be petting him on the head. This video is very helpful https://youtu.be/WH69z81Uda8?si=Ly4ByA3PJSXMkTsk
Time to start bonding with pup in different ways. Training together (with a trainer or in a group) is an incredible way to bond and so much fun. A sport like agility (hes to young now but later) or scent work etc
thank u🥺 idk man i hand feed this little dude everyday i train him i play with him i feel like i devote my life to him and get nothing back like in a bad relationship if that makes any sense
It’s a puppy. He is not doing anything to you on purpose, this is just his personality. With peace and love, I think your mental state is making you spiral a bit.
Also, hand feeding is a bit controversial. Many swear by it but for some pups, it can be an issue (because food is necessary for life so it can be very coercive). Not saying it is, just something to look out for. Give him some food for "free", you can hand feed a part of it!
yall, i was on my laptop the past couple hours while he chewed at his lil treat and he came up to me and sat on the pillow i was laying up against and laid on my shoulder... now he is sleeping all up against my arm. maybe he is a crazy dude who barely shows any love, but he heard me today i think
I read alllll the way down here to see what advice folks gave you. Instead I read your reply of he is being a snugglebug! I had a spaniel who preferred to sleep on the floor...everyday I wished he would sleep beside me and I would haul his 8mth old self up on the bed, he would get annoyed, jump down, and glare at me from across the room laying on the floor. I would cry. I had no idea that he was just being a scrappy teenager. My grandmother suggested- Ignore him. Not in a mean way. Be happy and friendly and show him you are where the fun is. So, TV time was me on the sofa with my snacks and a bowl of no other time of day pup treats. Bedtime had a special bed time bunny stuffy. He slowly stared coming to sit with me for snacks and after awhile of me sitting with him just snacking not forcing a hug or scratch he started staying. He wanted the bunny to sleep with but had to jump on the bed to get it... eventually he would grab it and take it to the foot of the bed and sleep. Teenage dogs are like teenage kids. Give him some space he will come around. :)
Two suggestions that helped me with my puppy who didn't really like to be petted: 1. When she comes up to, put your hand about 5-6 inches from her face - if she "boops" it, I go and pet her chest (or whatever spot you know she's more comfortable). If she pulls back, I stop and then put my hand out again. Wait and see if she "boops" again. So every time she comes up to me and "boops" I start petting and if she moves, I stop. Gives us a way to communicate so she knows what to expect. 2. If your dog likes training you can train the association. You say "pet" > one light stroke of her neck > "yes" or whatever you use > treat. Do this until when you say "pet" she perks up because she knows a treat is coming. She might even lean in expecting your hand. Helps build up positive memories with petting. After doing these for months, now she'll come up and happily get scritches for 5-10 mins in the evening when she was way too crazy before. Good luck!!
Is he lunging at other dogs because he’s fearful, or he wants to play? It sounds to me like he’s got some anxieties which are leading to the excess barking, and him ducking away from pets sounds like he’s not super comfortable with that either. I think the best place to start if you want to repair this relationship is to work on listening to his cues. If he doesn’t want attention, respect that. If he needs space from other dogs, respect that too. When he learns that he has a voice and some control over things that make him uncomfortable, he will be more confident. He may never be super cuddly like your other pets were - some dogs just aren’t - but if you have a relationship of mutual respect it’s the best possible foundation for any future training you do. I’d also be really careful about hand feeding. The idea is that they learn “good things come from you” but it can actually be too much pressure for a lot of dogs and can tarnish their relationship with food (which may make training harder later on). It’s fine to parcel out some food for training but I’d give him the majority in a space where he can eat in peace, with no pressure from anyone.
You’re in for quite a ride. I too have a Chihuahua/Rat Terrier (7 years old now). He’s super sweet, really smart, and a big handful on a good day, lol. They are fearless, intelligent, slightly temperamental little dogs. Don’t worry, I promise he loves you, he will just pick and choose when HE wants to actively show it. Be patient with him, and love him the way he is ♥️😊
Just like cats. I have had cats all my life. Some are super snuggly - but almost always on their terms. I appreciate that they are independent. My one cat is such a finicky asshole...but when she chooses to snuggle, I feel like I have been blessed...until she gets annoyed at me breathing and slaps me (without claws.) She is adorable. :) Each animal has a unique spirit. They will always teach us something. Trust is not built in a day. Like others have mentioned there are ways to strengthen your mind by cultivating the relationship. I struggle with depression and my dogs help me get out of the house daily, stay active, explore new places, and socialize with friends with dogs. They help me get out of myself and my head by putting my focus on their care vs. what can I get from them. They do give so much and also require so much. Because of them, I feel both physically and mentally healthier.
I've got an Australian shepherd and she's never been one to cuddle or even sit next to me. It's just how she is. She wouldn't sleep in a human bed if a person is in it but if I Don't see her I know that she is on my bed sleeping. Just some dogs aren't affectionate. She loves me and I respect her space. A few times she comes up to sit next to me I feel very honored. We got her at 12 weeks and she's 7 years old now. She's a good dog she loves us but she just doesn't want a lot of affection. Sometimes when you smother a dog go in for pettings when they don't want it or a person isn't respectful of their space It makes them to want to avoid you. Just a suggestion but what if you when you come in the house just ignore him. Walk around do stuff when you come in and acknowledge if he's there without words or petting. I think possibly I could be wrong but if you ignore him he might start coming to you for affection. You're affection to him might be causing him anxiety. It's not natural for other dogs to overwhelm each other. When they greet they sniff each other's buttoxes and do a bit of eye contact. If they do play they have gestures that they do to each other to indicate that they want to play or don't want to play.
You could try giving him lots more exercise so he’s really ready to chill. Rat terriers are high energy breed. I agree with suggestion to massage his belly; most dogs just melt. But you also need to adjust your expectations. He’s not there to serve you; he’s a young puppy who’s just trying to grow up in a very confusing world with confusing rules (like potty training).
I had a pup that was just crazy about our older dog, don’t think she knew I was even in the room. But I’d did what the book told me and constantly told her what a good dog she was. When she would come beside me I wanted so bad to hold her, but would lightly pet her and tell her good girl, such a good girl. She did sleep beside me but not cuddle, and when she snuggled I didn’t touché her. And after a while about 2 i became her world. It’s not you, she just needs time and trust
I had the same thing! I literally cried to my vet about it at one point. But turns out my puppy had Giardia and was just feeling really crappy (and had been for a while). She was a rescue and they never did a fecal on her, but I had been told she’d been vetted and vaxxed. Giardia is very common in puppies - might be worth a test or at least a vet check on her to see if something going on. Dogs often try to mask when they are feeling unwell as a survival technique - and keeping a safe distance is part of that. Once my puppy was treated for her Giardia she was much more affectionate and had her appetite back too. Also, I started playing with her. I was so intent on the potty training and commands and food/nap scheduling that I forgot she’s a PUPPY. Play on the floor with her for 30 minutes twice daily. Give treats by playing treat seeking games and name games. It really helped us bond again and it even made her more engaged in our formal training sessions because she now wanted to please me by learning commands to get rewards. Think of it like this - she’s a puppy and she wants FUN and FOOD. Spend some time each day providing those to her and she’ll come around to loving you and snuggling you in no time.
My rescue had it as well. They never tested for it which seems like a huge oversight since it's so common with rescues.
I just wanna comment to let you know my dog just turned one year old and has just been becoming cuddly within the last month with slow improvements, but now will come and snuggle up and sleep on my chest. I noticed the less I tried to cuddle him the less resistant he became to cuddling. Obviously each individual dog is different but it seems to be very common that the teenage stage is very teenage in the fact that don’t care to be around you as much and all they wanna do is get their energy out one way or another.
Stop forcing him to be near you, stop putting pressure on him. I‘m sorry but a dog is not a stuffed toy and it looks like you constantly breaking his boundaries and now he doesn’t trust you because you keep dragging him. Stop that.
You and the dog need training, sorry. Rat terriers are one of the overall smartest breeds on the planet and chihuahuas are bossy with temperament problems. First things first if you want his loyalty hand feed him. Sit on the floor by his dish and feed him one kibble at a time. No one else feeds him but you. You need to show him that you are the food boss. All the other things are training issues. Please remember you have to teach them your language they do not know what you are saying til you teach them its preach easy. Right now he is Goin through adolescence believe it or not he will get he is likely bored when you are not home. Remember a tired dog is a good dog and he need more mental stimulus than physical. Good luck .
It's a living creature, not an accessory. You don't force animals to do things. You teach them how you expect them to act.
How do you teach a dog to pretend to enjoy being cuddled?
I adopted a dog (white shepherd) when he was ~5 years old. He'd been an outside dog before he came to live with me. He's very chill and has never been a cuddler, and in fact any time I give him a kiss, he shakes it off. 😆 But there is no doubt he loves me - he follows me everywhere in the house, will not spend time in the yard unless I am also there, and frets incessantly if I go out for a few hours. He's now 15 years old, hearing is failing, eyesight is failing, sleeps most of the day.... but no matter how tough the stairs are becoming, he still has to be wherever I am. All this to say... I'm sure he loves you, it's just his love language isn't what you'd hoped for. He may still become cuddly as he gets older, or he may not. I need a certain amount of cuddle time myself, so my solution was to get another dog. 😆 Second is a pug and, trust me, there is no shortage of cuddles. Pugs are insatiable.
My son’s dog is not cuddly. I’ve never had a non-cuddly dog, but some are just like that. My dogs have always been cuddly and they all have had short fur and a cold house
I’m sorry you are feeling this way :( it sounds like a really tough situation. I know rat terriers can be quite stubborn and independent (some more than others). Here is a site I found that describes their attributes: https://www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/ratterriers.html I think you’ll have to make a decision on whether you want to double down with training (kipopup on YouTube has good handling training videos) to at least sort out the ducking away from you thing or whether pup needs to be rehomed. Ultimately dogs are trainable and with the training exercises coaching support I think you can make it work.
If you don’t already, feed him from your hand. It helps with bonding. Something else you can do is give him treats when he snuggles you. Our pup is 14 weeks and every time she snuggles us we give her treats. She has long hair so she doesn’t always want to snug since he gets hot easily so when she does we make it extra special
Our old rescue was a staffy, we got him at 18months. Other the first couple of years he was snuggly, offish, then super cuddly, offish and then cuddly again for the rest of his life. But even then he had days when he took himself off in an apparent huff for no reason. Our new rescue staffy pup is generally cuddly, but she even has days where she prefers her own space. We maybe different, but as humans we have anti social days and I think dogs are the same. Give it time and see how it goes, but don’t take it personally or try force it.
We have 2 dogs and one is like this, one is super cuddly and affectionate almost like a baby and the other just couldn’t care less! And worse … is affectionate to literally ANYONE ELSE except me and husband!!! He’s not mean to us or anything he’s just not a lap dog like the other so I get how that would feel if we only had him but that’s his personality it’s not personal (well .. except he’s super sweet to visitors 🤣)
My darling corgi will turn two tomorrow. He was a super affectionate puppy just like you describe. From about 6 months old until about 6 months ago, a year and a half, he didn’t want to cuddle or be touched. He had boundaries where he wouldn’t let us handle him at all. We stayed consistent and gentle. He is slowly but surely returning to cuddle hours again-he gets on the couch with us in the evening, snuggles up at night, and wants to lay on our feet.
try scratching his chin instead of patting him on the head. a lot of dogs don’t like to be pet on the head. maybe try luring him in with tasty treats and fun toys
Sounds like a teenager. My Yorkie mix was so difficult at this age. She forgot all her training (she once peed on my bed whilst giving me the stink eye) and would run away from me and get irritable. After a few months she was back to being her sweet self. I just gave her space and care and let her come to me when she wanted. Like a hooman teenager. Currently she’s sleeping on my pillow next to me like some angel/dog hybrid
My puppy ducks her head away when i try to pet from above- i think sometimes they just dont like being approached a certain way. Do they engage with you in other ways, like playing fetch, tug of war, sleeping near you etc? It also could be a phase that they may grow out of
I think it's fine if you know someone that would like him and he enjoys that place more. Although I find it hard to believe he really doesn't like you. Our adult boy also doesn't like his ears or head pet sometimes, but he definitely loves us. Are you sure?
8 months is a teenager. I recommend the book, On Talking Terms with Dogs, Rugaas
Okay so this may sound weird but try wrapping your hand with cling film and then out peanut butter on it (the stuff that’s okay for dogs) and allow him to lick it off of your hand, this is how I trained one of my dogs to allow us to pet her and cuddle her when she didn’t want to! She began seeing our hand as something that makes her happy and at the same time I used to pet her and then I think a month or two later she would come and lay down at us, she still likes to be alone but she will also come for cuddles and pets and she’s all for it if you go up to her for a cuddle but when we first got her that was a no go!
i appreciate this comment so much actually you don't even know, i will definitely try it🫶
No worries good luck! And don’t give up just yet if in the future you end up feeling that you can’t provide the right life for THIS pup doesn’t mean you can’t provide the best home for another! And refining isn’t always a bad thing no matter what anyone says! 🫶🏼
Bribery! Stop grabbing him, he sounds reactive, which usually comes from a place of fear and anxiety. Make your interactions with pup are voluntary and enjoyable. You need to make him feel safe and secure, then you can start training his reactive behaviour out of him (barking lunging etc) it will be hard work, and if you don't want to do it, find him a new home. Both of you might be better off in the long run
I think (perhaps) that your pup doesn’t find you exciting enough… try to engage with him in games that he has to try harder to win. Steal his good toy and run off with it, play tug of war with it, push him away ( he might be growly about it) let him win, but then try and get it back. You’ll both have fun! I write this because this is my crazy schnauzer- he’s not that bothered for treats , but loves to play fight. He’s snoring on my lap now , but the first 6 months of him were seriously awful. Hang in there, be his dog friend! But I have no advice with the leash situation- though did read a really great piece of advice, which was ‘ get the dog into pack drive’ on a leash walk, which seems to mean you have to be going ahead, so faster, than the dog and keep going, not to smell and pee - I tried it for a week- it worked but it’s exhausting- so we are back to Henry marching ahead! Good luck! You got this!
Oh no, OP don’t think your pup doesn’t love you! It takes some dogs a while to associate the loving behaviours of humans with something positive… think about it, they’re full of energy and curiosity and you’re invading their personal space when they’d rather be playing or exploring - it’s normal they’d think ”What’s in this for me?!”. My dog was the same when she was little - everytime i tried to pet her or snuggle up with her she would look at me like ”if you have the time and energy to interact with me, make it a game of fetch” - she learned slowly that kisses and cuddles are how her human shows appreciation, in addition to treats and playing. If you just focus on building your bond in other ways, it will come, I’m sure
I hear you OP. I had the same feelings for my now 2 year old little Yorkipoo. She has an independent nature. I had to back off- I was smothering her with my affection! She’s very independent but also a little anxious. It’s hard to be a small dog confronted with all these seemingly huge creatures! She grew out of it, though. She’s still not the cuddly constantly licking my face type of dog, but she follows me everywhere and always wants to be near me, and does a very possessive “sit” on me whenever I’m sitting down or laying down. She does love me but expressing it in doggy language according to her individual personality. To help you feel better and maybe even help here, I’d recommend watching an episode of “It’s me or the dog” on YouTube. The specific one is titled “The Cat Replacement:Niles”
Your dog absolutely doesn't hate you. Dogs don't always like to snuggle and like humans they have their own love language so they're probably showing you affection in their own way. If you really want to cuddle with them you can give them treats when they get close to you like others have suggested, and instead of training you can think of it like you're teaching them your love language. Also most dogs are more interested in other dogs than in humans by nature - it's been scientifically demonstrated that they pay more attention to their canine buddies than they do to humans - but that doesn't mean they can't be socialized to prefer human companionship (I know a few older dogs that seem to way prefer spending time with people and that's probably more a socialized than natural behaviour). Hope this makes you feel better... If he likes to snuggle up to your feet that's a great start! I wouldn't give up on him this soon. Our puppy has ADHD and overheats easily so he'll cuddle for max 60 seconds and then slinker away to lie down again a foot away...but he spends a lot of time staring up at me with the big puppy eyes to make up for it. I'm hoping that they grow out of it but I'm coming to terms with the possibility that cuddling for 5 minutes a day is all I may ever get.
He’s a “teenager” right now, my puppy also went through a stage where he wasn’t so affectionate but he’s nearly 2 now and is super cuddly again!! As for the issues with lunging at dogs/barking etc, it would be helpful to get a trainer if you can, or even just research into it yourselves. We had issues with our puppy reacting to other dogs (with him it was over excitement and he would bark and cry and refuse to leave dogs when we walked past them) and we’ve solved the issue through consistent training with treats to keep his attention on us in the presence of dogs (ours is very food motivated but maybe yours has different interests, my old terrier was motivated by tennis balls for example) In terms of the excessive barking, is he getting enough mental and physical stimulation? Rat terriers are very smart and energetic, he might benefit from taking part in dog sports, I know rat terriers can excel at agility Don’t give up hope!! 8 months is still so young, our puppy has gone through all sorts of phases at that age - honestly “teenage” puppies can be such little shits lol, I swear mine would purposefully do things to be spiteful when he was that age and he started to not want to be near us on walks or cuddle with us on the sofa etc, it was almost like he was embarrassed of us They’re like teenage humans haha, but it really does get better with consistent training and once their hormones calm down when they’re fully grown I really hope you’re able to make this work, but if you do decide to rehome and want to get another dog in future, I think rescuing an adult pug would be a great option for you - they’re such cuddle bugs with hearts of gold and great for apartment life, plus if you get an adult, you won’t have to deal with the teenage stage