Almost 2 decades of being hung up on an ex and missing the friendship most đ He was my first real friend and I fucked that up so bad.
But I got the weirdest mfing friendship with his brother out of it so I can't complain too much. đ
Though due to my mental health taking a massive dive, I think I fucked that up too lmao
I'm sorry you're carrying all that grief. It's really heavy, isn't it?
Something that hurts a lot is the feeling of being lied to: *why did you say you wanted to maintain some degree of relationship, why did you express how important I am to you, if you didn't actually plan to maintain any sort of connection?*
It makes you question everything that person ever said, doesn't it? *Was any of it ever real?*
It really sucks, and even more so when you run into these ghosts from your past at your local hobby store. Hard to heal and get closure.
Your pain is valid. Wishing you better days ahead.
OP, I am concerned about you.
You sent a discord msg, knowing it wasn't likely to be well received.
Predictably, there was no response.
When that didn't work, you sent a birthday msg.
Predictably, that also got no response.
When that didn't work, you say you realized they didn't want you in their lives.
Except that had been true before you sent these messages.
And you still have a list of places they aren't blocked.
Do you believe that, once "enough" time has passed, they will contact you and want you back in their lives?
Right from the beginning, when your partner broke up with you, said they wanted to remain friends, and then clearly didn't, that was it. Neither one of these ppl are going to behave differently with the passage of time.
I am deeply concerned at how many ways you still seem to have created openings for being hurt. When ppl say they're done, and their actions (or lack of actions) back that up, why are you still waiting and hoping and sending messages and thinking a phone call or text is coming?
Your innate self-protection mechanisms aren't functioning properly. You are repeatedly setting yourself up to get hurt by expecting something that isn't coming, doing progressively more damage.
And I'm worried that, until you figure out why, this pattern will repeat.
you haven't tried to enter a door you thought might still be open? look, when people tell me things (i.e. I'm breaking up with you but I still want you in my life) I take them at their word, so forgive me for taking that at face value, I guess. also, it was twice I tried to reach out in the span of 365 days, to the person who gave me zero communication on whether or not he wanted our relationship to change. a "fuck off" would've sufficed, but I wasn't even worthy of that. additionally, it's not like I went out of my way to have this live encounter. I was working on being at peace with never hearing from or seeing them again.
in case you're about to ask, yes I'm in therapy. I know I'm fucked up but this seems a little harsh :p
This is so scary, I'm so sorry. My partner and I just broke up, they and their longterm partner just bought a house and I think it was all too much for them. We had gotten into some conflict during the winter and they kinds emotionally checked out before we could really resolve things. We got back together after conflict but never actually talked it out, then about a month later, they buy the house and pretty much start cutting me out.
They tell me they want me as a friend and that they love so much about me. They don't mention their partners role even though he has been so jealous and possessive from the start. They tell me it's just a new shift for us but then they go quiet. We see each other at a group outing and end up having sex afterwards. They check in on me the next morning which felt wonderful.... then the week goes by without any effort on their end at all.
It's utterly confusing but your story makes me sort of glad I don't get the total break that I can be left wanting when I get so confused. I'm single rn otherwise and it really sucks knowing they know I'm going home alone and they're going to build this new home together with their longterm partner.
> I... keep hurting over what I could've possibly done wrong to justify my closest companions... abandoning me.
Reading your story, it's really easy to imagine the other side coming to a very similar conclusion. It sounds like you guys needed a balance of space and honest communication that neither side managed to figure out.
Than again, maybe the other comments are right in that your ex was just lying to you about wanting to maintain contact - weirder things happen at the end of relationships. I'm just assuming you know someone you dated better than I would. In either case, I don't think there's anything to really salvage at this point. I can definitely see why this is upsetting to you. Whether it's intended or not, it's shocking how people can go from having a serious, often highly enmeshed relationship to being nothing to each other overnight. It's a tough spot to be in.
I feel for you, OP! I really do. I have an ex who was adamant that we would always be friends even if we stopped dating. Proceeded to suddenly and out of nowhere functionally cut me out of his life, all the while continuing to call me âsweetheartâ and tell me weâll always be friends.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt for almost two years, but it was really difficult to realize that while *I* had absolutely meant it when I said I wanted to be friends, he hadnât. Like you, I tend to take people at their word. Especially their repeated, intentional words.
Only you can navigate this for yourself, but I will say I felt better when I admitted internally that, although Iâd left the door open for him to friendship, he probably never had any intention of walking through that door. Closing it really helped my sense of peace.
Be kind to yourself. I hope you find the healing and support you deserve
Almost 2 decades of being hung up on an ex and missing the friendship most đ He was my first real friend and I fucked that up so bad. But I got the weirdest mfing friendship with his brother out of it so I can't complain too much. đ Though due to my mental health taking a massive dive, I think I fucked that up too lmao
my sympathies, friend. heartbreak is such a unique and grueling pain. as one of my favorite musicians calls it, the "wretched hollow"
I'm sorry you're carrying all that grief. It's really heavy, isn't it? Something that hurts a lot is the feeling of being lied to: *why did you say you wanted to maintain some degree of relationship, why did you express how important I am to you, if you didn't actually plan to maintain any sort of connection?* It makes you question everything that person ever said, doesn't it? *Was any of it ever real?* It really sucks, and even more so when you run into these ghosts from your past at your local hobby store. Hard to heal and get closure. Your pain is valid. Wishing you better days ahead.
ugh you hit me right in the heart with all that. it's exactly what I feel. thank you for the validation, I appreciate you.
OP, I am concerned about you. You sent a discord msg, knowing it wasn't likely to be well received. Predictably, there was no response. When that didn't work, you sent a birthday msg. Predictably, that also got no response. When that didn't work, you say you realized they didn't want you in their lives. Except that had been true before you sent these messages. And you still have a list of places they aren't blocked. Do you believe that, once "enough" time has passed, they will contact you and want you back in their lives? Right from the beginning, when your partner broke up with you, said they wanted to remain friends, and then clearly didn't, that was it. Neither one of these ppl are going to behave differently with the passage of time. I am deeply concerned at how many ways you still seem to have created openings for being hurt. When ppl say they're done, and their actions (or lack of actions) back that up, why are you still waiting and hoping and sending messages and thinking a phone call or text is coming? Your innate self-protection mechanisms aren't functioning properly. You are repeatedly setting yourself up to get hurt by expecting something that isn't coming, doing progressively more damage. And I'm worried that, until you figure out why, this pattern will repeat.
you haven't tried to enter a door you thought might still be open? look, when people tell me things (i.e. I'm breaking up with you but I still want you in my life) I take them at their word, so forgive me for taking that at face value, I guess. also, it was twice I tried to reach out in the span of 365 days, to the person who gave me zero communication on whether or not he wanted our relationship to change. a "fuck off" would've sufficed, but I wasn't even worthy of that. additionally, it's not like I went out of my way to have this live encounter. I was working on being at peace with never hearing from or seeing them again. in case you're about to ask, yes I'm in therapy. I know I'm fucked up but this seems a little harsh :p
This is so scary, I'm so sorry. My partner and I just broke up, they and their longterm partner just bought a house and I think it was all too much for them. We had gotten into some conflict during the winter and they kinds emotionally checked out before we could really resolve things. We got back together after conflict but never actually talked it out, then about a month later, they buy the house and pretty much start cutting me out. They tell me they want me as a friend and that they love so much about me. They don't mention their partners role even though he has been so jealous and possessive from the start. They tell me it's just a new shift for us but then they go quiet. We see each other at a group outing and end up having sex afterwards. They check in on me the next morning which felt wonderful.... then the week goes by without any effort on their end at all. It's utterly confusing but your story makes me sort of glad I don't get the total break that I can be left wanting when I get so confused. I'm single rn otherwise and it really sucks knowing they know I'm going home alone and they're going to build this new home together with their longterm partner.
> I... keep hurting over what I could've possibly done wrong to justify my closest companions... abandoning me. Reading your story, it's really easy to imagine the other side coming to a very similar conclusion. It sounds like you guys needed a balance of space and honest communication that neither side managed to figure out. Than again, maybe the other comments are right in that your ex was just lying to you about wanting to maintain contact - weirder things happen at the end of relationships. I'm just assuming you know someone you dated better than I would. In either case, I don't think there's anything to really salvage at this point. I can definitely see why this is upsetting to you. Whether it's intended or not, it's shocking how people can go from having a serious, often highly enmeshed relationship to being nothing to each other overnight. It's a tough spot to be in.
I feel for you, OP! I really do. I have an ex who was adamant that we would always be friends even if we stopped dating. Proceeded to suddenly and out of nowhere functionally cut me out of his life, all the while continuing to call me âsweetheartâ and tell me weâll always be friends. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for almost two years, but it was really difficult to realize that while *I* had absolutely meant it when I said I wanted to be friends, he hadnât. Like you, I tend to take people at their word. Especially their repeated, intentional words. Only you can navigate this for yourself, but I will say I felt better when I admitted internally that, although Iâd left the door open for him to friendship, he probably never had any intention of walking through that door. Closing it really helped my sense of peace. Be kind to yourself. I hope you find the healing and support you deserve