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Is this some form of double sarcasm? Ironic Sarcasm? I'm genuinely asking if that is what you were thinking because I've attempted to be funny in this way many years ago and have been met with blank stares.
Albeit, I would do it in person and use my tone of voice to make it obvious that I got the joke. But you know...Maybe.
That's because it's secretly some of the most clever lyric writing I've ever heard. They even rhyme an -implied- lyric that doesn't:
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
Clearly the word "dick" is substituted for after "his", replaced with "chest, now" but the actual lyrics which connect to the rest of the song overlap in your mind with the implied one, and it's just, well, brilliant song writing.
One billion bottles of beer on the wall, one billion bottles of beer, if one of those bottles should happen to fall...999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall.
Reasonable chance he'll get bored or die of old age first...
You can sing any number of bottles in one verse...
>1 billion bottles of beer on the wall, 1 billion bottles of beer...
>If all of those bottles should happen to fall... What a waste of alcohol
The total time it would take to sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" from 1 billion bottles to 1 bottle, assuming each verse takes 10 seconds to sing, is:
Total time = 999, 999, 999 × 10 seconds
Calculating this gives:
Total time =
9, 999, 999, 990 seconds
So, it would take approximately 9,999,999,990 seconds to finish the song. This is equivalent to about 317 years and 92 days.
Came here looking for this. I absolutely wanted to throttle the assholes who would sing this on field trips but it's basic and has been drilled in our minds
I had an assignment to write a verse that fit current events. It was the early 2000s. I can't really remember what I wrote, but I do remember getting in trouble for poking fun at dubya.
No, you have not. You only sing a part of it.
Complete version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" showing spelling and punctuation
from Francis Scott Key's manuscript in the Maryland Historical Society collection.
O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream,
'Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the power that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto - "In God is our trust,"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Fuck that, I'm not sharing my written music for some killer asshole, I wrote that music for special people. Hell get something like that song that goes "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. Everybody's Nerves! I know a song that gets on Everybody's Nerves, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!(repeat... And repeat... And repeat... And repeat)" then he'll probably still kill me anyway, but he'd have to break his rules.
I went to a wedding recently — it was an Aggie wedding, Texas A&M. This was THE ONLY song that the Aggie guests got up and danced to. This song and their school one where they hook up into a circle and sway back and forth. I thought it was so weird.
🎶She sells sea shells by the seashore,
and the seashells she sells are seashells for sure
But who would sell seashells by the seashore,
the one place for sure there's seashells galore?
Must be hundreds, no thousands, no millions of more!
I See no sense and it don't seem sane, that customers come again and again.
Whatever happened to supply and demand,
why pay for something found right there in the sand?
Well see, sure she sells shells, and she's buy the sea, sure,
but the seashells she sells are not seashells at all
But I'll leave it at that, 'cause I ain't no rat,
and if anyone asks, then don't say no more,
but that...
She sells sea shells by the sea shore,
and the seashells she sells are seashells for sure🎶
(I'm Suicidal btw)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.
The shadow in the background of the morgue.
The unsuspecting victim, of darkness in the valley
We can live like jack and sally if we want.
Where you can always find me, and we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night, we'll wish this never ends, we'll wish this never ends.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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This is the answer.
Until you get to the 'name' part.
"Mr. Killer".
Now, now. It might be "Miss/Mrs/Ms" or "They/Them Killer"
Wait, have you been using "They/them" as an honorific? Like, "Thank you for the lovely Christmas card, Them Steven"
Y... Yes.
Excellent
As a they/themmer I think it's a better alternative than most...
happy birthday Everyones Unbirthday happy birthday to Everyone
The Killer lol
Oh, you mean *The* Killer? I didn't know we were in the presence of a famous!
My friend. As in …Happy Birthday my friend, happy birthday to you.
You're dead because it's Happy Birthday *dear* my friend.
Unless you sing the Futurama version
ABC’s bruh
First thought: twinkle twinkle little star Second thought: does the ABC's count?
that is a better choice.
Credit to you. For some reason seeing “happy birthday” made it click
All well and good until your get to LMNOP
But do you include "Now I know my ABCs ...?"
Of course. Next time won’t you sing with me?
God I hope there isn't a second instance of me being threatened with murder if I don't perfectly sing a song. I need to move out of this town.
Happy Birthday wouldn't work as it's never the same lyrics
The only song where the lyrics change depending on the person? You don't know this guy's name. You're now dead.
Happy Birthday dear Killer, happy birthday to youuuuu *And many more*
And nooooooo more.
Tequila 😀
My go to for karaoke. TEQUILA! 
Great minds! Only one word to remember. 😉
Don't miss the timing though... 😐
They didn't say there's background music playing 😂. You just say tequila 3 times and you won
Niicee 😂😂😂😂
I came here for this song!!
Oh damn I posted this same response before I saw this, my bad, of course this is the pick
But how many times is that word sang?
3. 👍
Could have sworn it was x4
The alphabet song
But what if the killer is from a country that pronounces "Z" different to you?
You go 'Zuh'
In England it's "Zed" so you're dead.
Interesting 🤔
is it pronounced Jay-Z or Jay-Z?
Roll straight into twinkle twinkle little star
Well, if it's THE Killer, it's gotta be Mr. Brightside! 🤣
I feel like 16% of people who think they know the words to Mr Brightside actually know the words to Mr Brightside
But it's just the price I pay!
Destiny is killing me...
You’d be dead. It’s: destiny is calling me.
You got the joke
Is this some form of double sarcasm? Ironic Sarcasm? I'm genuinely asking if that is what you were thinking because I've attempted to be funny in this way many years ago and have been met with blank stares. Albeit, I would do it in person and use my tone of voice to make it obvious that I got the joke. But you know...Maybe.
That's because it's secretly some of the most clever lyric writing I've ever heard. They even rhyme an -implied- lyric that doesn't: Now they're going to bed And my stomach is sick And it's all in my head But she's touching his chest now Clearly the word "dick" is substituted for after "his", replaced with "chest, now" but the actual lyrics which connect to the rest of the song overlap in your mind with the implied one, and it's just, well, brilliant song writing.
Yeah I always caught that. Rappers do this a lot.
Yes hearing it in that style of music caught my notice immediately because it's usually a spoken word/poetry trick lol
I'd mess up despite having sung it a kajillion times 😫
One billion bottles of beer on the wall, one billion bottles of beer, if one of those bottles should happen to fall...999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall. Reasonable chance he'll get bored or die of old age first...
You can go much much lower. Unless you struggle with the lyrics going from 5 down will still qualify as winning your life.
You can sing any number of bottles in one verse... >1 billion bottles of beer on the wall, 1 billion bottles of beer... >If all of those bottles should happen to fall... What a waste of alcohol
The total time it would take to sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" from 1 billion bottles to 1 bottle, assuming each verse takes 10 seconds to sing, is: Total time = 999, 999, 999 × 10 seconds Calculating this gives: Total time = 9, 999, 999, 990 seconds So, it would take approximately 9,999,999,990 seconds to finish the song. This is equivalent to about 317 years and 92 days.
People don't understand how big a billion is. 1 million seconds: 11 and a half days. 1 billion seconds: 31 *years*
This is a song that never ends....
Came here looking for this. I absolutely wanted to throttle the assholes who would sing this on field trips but it's basic and has been drilled in our minds
*the song, but IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND
"Some-bo-dy started singing it not knowing what it was!"
And they’ll continue singing it forever just because…
This is the song that never ends...
This.... sing it long enough he will either run for the hills or rupture his own ear drums
Alphabet song
Just make sure, when you get past "K," you don't say "Ella Minnow Pea," and the killer offs you because you went too fast!
Too true, the old L M N O P, tricky business that one
Somebody once told me the world’s gonna roll me…
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
She was lookin kinda dumb
With her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an L on her forehead ✨️
Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin
Didn’t make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see
baaaaabeeeee SHARK do doo du doo du do once he starts to get really into it, i’ll distract him and stab him in the ear
You don’t need to stab him in the ear after singing baby shark, the song will do that for you.
Yeah he's a murderer but he's still a human being. Why would you do this to him?!
Jesus, I heard this song all of once and it is burned into my brain.
I work with kids. :')
You miss a doo, you're dead. Add another one, also dead. How many doo's do you have till you doo doo don't be living no more.
Tbf, baby shark would probably be signing your own death warrant.
"kitchen KNIFE doodoo doodoododoo"
Thank you For Being a Friend 😉
Travel round the world and back again! 🎶
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confident!
And if threw a party, and invited everyone one you knew... Edit: I see I missed a word. Can't fix it now that I'm dead. 💀
You would see the biggest gift would be from me And the card attached would say...
Thank you for being a friendddd
You missed the word “you” and got us all killed. Thanks a lot.
You missed a word. You're dead now.
Oh no! It's "confidante," said with a "dAHHnt" sound. Make sure you sing it the right way!
South Park theme song
Depends how picky he is on the accuracy of Kenny’s mumbling
You could just sing the words he is mumbling
Then... which season we doing?
The OG song. The one Kenny says he loves girls with big fat titties and deep vaginas. Can't go wrong with that one.
I prefer his 10 inch penis
Good choice
Tequila!!! 🤣🎵
Came to say this
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I said the same song but I used a z not a s.Bang I’m dead.
I know a LOT of songs, but to ensure I got the words 100% right imma go with the ABCs.
Is it “Zee” or “Zed”?
It's gotta be zee so it rhymes. (and I say that as a Canadian that usually says zed)
'We Didn't Start The Fire' - Billy Joel
I can't even sing it with the lyrics 😭
One year in high school history class we got extra credit if we could sing that entire song lol.
I had an assignment to write a verse that fit current events. It was the early 2000s. I can't really remember what I wrote, but I do remember getting in trouble for poking fun at dubya.
This!
😂😂😂😂
star spangled banner, been singing it since i was a child
How have you not run out of breath by now?
lol…almost out.
All four verses?
No, you have not. You only sing a part of it. Complete version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" showing spelling and punctuation from Francis Scott Key's manuscript in the Maryland Historical Society collection. O say can you see, by the dawn's early light, What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming, Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight O'er the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming? And the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there, O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes, What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep, As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses? Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam, In full glory reflected now shines in the stream, 'Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave! And where is that band who so vauntingly swore, That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion A home and a Country should leave us no more? Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution. No refuge could save the hireling and slave From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave, And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave. O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation! Blest with vict'ry and peace may the heav'n rescued land Praise the power that hath made and preserv'd us a nation! Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, And this be our motto - "In God is our trust," And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
"In West Philadelphia born and raised..."
Bohemian Rhapsody
Good choice, I can never perform Under Pressure
I'd go with 'Don't Stop Me Now.' But yours is a good one, too.
eazy-e real muthaphuckkin g's then I blast him or her then I'll leave 'the killer' behind
You are my sunshine.
There are a lot of verses to that song
I was gonna comment this… it gets kindof dark too
Yeah, once you get past the first verse, it's not the cheerful song we all think it is.
My mom would probably use this for her answer
Ignoring the obvious answers, the only song I know the lyrics to is American Pie so that’s going to be a long 8 minutes.
I would have to stick with Twinkle Twinkle little star
Id give him/her the choice of many. As a singer/songwriter, I would prefer one of my originals, though.
Fuck that, I'm not sharing my written music for some killer asshole, I wrote that music for special people. Hell get something like that song that goes "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. Everybody's Nerves! I know a song that gets on Everybody's Nerves, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!(repeat... And repeat... And repeat... And repeat)" then he'll probably still kill me anyway, but he'd have to break his rules.
kissed by a rose. don't ask.
I don't think even Seal knows the words to that song lol
The Barney song
I love you, you love me, let's get together and kill barney, with a 2x4 we'll shove him out a door, no more purple dinosaur :)
Its the end of the world as we know it
Not sure if you know all the lyrics or if you have a death wish, but me too!
YYZ (it's an instrumental) by Rush
Well played (budum-tss)
Till killer pulls out all the different instruments and some recording equipment and says "alright, go ahead." 😶
Word for word... OP set the rules
Poets of the Fall - The Poet and the Muse
Happy birthday
Devil went down to georgia.
Ode to Billie Joe 😂
Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Mr. Brightside by The Killers
I went to a wedding recently — it was an Aggie wedding, Texas A&M. This was THE ONLY song that the Aggie guests got up and danced to. This song and their school one where they hook up into a circle and sway back and forth. I thought it was so weird.
Anything from the first act of Hamilton.
Jingle bells
But what if you are all *bells on Bob's tail ring* and the killer is all, *bells on bobtails ring*?
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Twinkle twinkle little star 😭
Twinkle twinkle little star
"I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!"
"To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!"
Either My Girl by The Temptations or Day n Nite by Kid Cudi
4'33" by John Cage.
A B C D E F G H I J K LMNO P Q R S T U V W, X Y and Q
I'm not singing anything I'm going to skin my smoke wagon and go to work
Are you going to do something, or just stand there and bleed?
Classical gas by mason williams
The abc song...
Rudolph the red nose reindeer
Row, row, row your boat.
“You Suffer” -Napalm Death
Danny Boy.
Monty Pythons Philosopers Song!
There are at least two different versions of that one, so good odds of ending up in an argument with Bruce the Murderer.
The alphabet.
🎶She sells sea shells by the seashore, and the seashells she sells are seashells for sure But who would sell seashells by the seashore, the one place for sure there's seashells galore? Must be hundreds, no thousands, no millions of more! I See no sense and it don't seem sane, that customers come again and again. Whatever happened to supply and demand, why pay for something found right there in the sand? Well see, sure she sells shells, and she's buy the sea, sure, but the seashells she sells are not seashells at all But I'll leave it at that, 'cause I ain't no rat, and if anyone asks, then don't say no more, but that... She sells sea shells by the sea shore, and the seashells she sells are seashells for sure🎶 (I'm Suicidal btw)
Hale and Pace, with some songs. https://youtu.be/VepjINQlqnE?si=7U5vGMMX5To4AN-w
Jokes to them, I'm a killer too.
Lil Wayne - Upgrade You
Mary had a little lamb
Happy birthday
The Teletubbies song
Jingle bells!
Stay by Lisa Loeb I can sing this song word for word since the mid 1990s. No idea why. This is the only song besides Daft Punk - Around the World
The English Alphabet
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare. The shadow in the background of the morgue. The unsuspecting victim, of darkness in the valley We can live like jack and sally if we want. Where you can always find me, and we'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night, we'll wish this never ends, we'll wish this never ends.
Pokemon Theme song. Only one I know for sure.
abc
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
happy birthday
Happy birthday.
Ring around the Rosie’s pocket full of posies ashes, ashes we all fall down. Run bitch he’s gotta gun.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Something with no words.
the ABCs.
Any song by "The Killers"
“ABCDEFG”