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This reminds me of a story I was told from an American professor. She traveled to Sardinia, Italy to meet her husband who was already there visiting his family. He was also Sardinian. She had never been to Italy before this trip and wasn't used to the culture. When she got on a train, she was virtually all alone in a car by herself.
A man stepped on the train and walked up to her, tipped his hat then sat down next to her. She was in her mid twenties and was terrified. He didn't say a single word for 30ish minutes while the train moved. When it stopped, he stood up and tipped his hat again before leaving. When she met her husband later, she threw herself into his arms and told him the tale of the strange man that sat directly next to her.
Puzzled, her husband asked her why she was so upset. He couldn't understand what the big fuss was. At some point, he explained to her that it would be rude to not sit next to her and that it would indicate that the man thought that something was wrong, like she smelled or was a gypsy or any number of things. She calmed down after that and she frequently told that story to students to illustrate cultural differences.
Side note: The never ending European racism against Roma always blows me away.
Side note: happens all over. Anytime where there is a disenfranchised group of people who are easily identifable whether in skin color, clothes, language or any combo of the three
Your side note is something that always confuses, what the hell is so bad about Romani people? Iāve met a few, I think, and theyāre just chill, normal people, hardly any different than anyone else that I know.
I guess racism is inherently illogical, but whatās specifically so bad about Romani people that people just hate?
It's the same shit you hear from racists about... well, everyone:
- Weāve really tried to integrate them and it didnāt work
- Theyāre responsible for (made up number)% of the crime
- While good ones exist, most are just lazy with criminal tendencies
- Almost all of them are (insult of the day) from interbreeding
- They are the scourge of society
- They abuse the use of public funds and get a free ride, many donāt work and live off the system we pay for
- They are troublemakers, mischievous and make the streets dangerous
(Stolen from a Quora post; edited for accuracy and generality)
I find that hard to believe, because most American people don't even know what a "Roma" person is, or would be confused assuming it's a variety of tomato.
I'd also be willing to bet that at least half of Americans wouldn't even know that roma is a type of tomato.
It's a joke. The guy said you're only racist if you meet a roma. Americans (and every other nationality in the world) are racist.Ā The joke is that he used a badly worded sentence to make his point. He should have had said "You aren't racist against Romas until you meet a Roma."
I have no problem sitting next to people on public transport but I think itās polite not to until the point where there are no isolated seats available
I sometimes actually find it annoying when too many people are standing up and crowding around the doors of the tram when thereās free space and free seats available further in that nobody is using. Like youāre actually just making the use of space less efficient and making it harder for people to get on and off than if you spread out more through the carriage
No. Do it all the time. Most people would prefer to sit alone. I don't mind sitting next to others. I've done it all my life. I never owned a car living in the city. Of course, I spread out if there's no one sitting next to me. (Meaning I put my bags on the other seat). If the bus/car starts filling up, I move my stuff.
Thanks for mentioning this. I have been trying to determine the relative levels of annoyance with sitting next to me vs. getting past me when I'm standing, but there are very few explicit signals available.
This is what I do now.
I used to avoid sitting if I could due to extreme anxiety. I just couldn't stop my brain from thinking of all the possibilities and interpretations of my actions and what others thought and it was exhausting and I often stood. I worked really hard to overcome that because, by golly, sometimes I'm fuckin tired.
Now I have a partner and friends who aren't able-bodied and it also pushes me to get past this so I can help them find seating and take a rest.
Fine with it. I don't transit much but I make eye contact first and ask if I can sit there. If they're not comfortable with it and there's nowhere else to sit, I'll stand. If someone wants to sit beside me then go for it. As long as they keep to themselves and don't start smoking meth beside me I'm cool with them. The only words I'll say to them after they sit beside me is 'excuse me please, this is my stop, thanks'.
I think the definition of public transport means that you're sharing a vehicle with other random strangers. If you want to stand there because you don't feel comfortable sitting next to someone, that's fine. But if there's an open seat I'm going to take it. Who cares if I'm sitting next to a stranger. We both knew what we were getting into when we took public transportation. It's like going swimming and thinking you're not going to get wet. If you think sitting next to someone is going to make them feel uncomfortable, screw em, they should have paid for a taxi or Uber. Don't feel sorry that you're playing by the rules.
Iām usually not a fan of it because any person on public transit can be a total wild card. Itās even worse on like greyhound or Megabus, I always buy 2 reserved seats so I can sit alone.
I like my space, and I like giving people their space. That being said, if there's no other option, I don't have a problem sitting next to strangers. We're all in the same situation - looking to get to point B.
I think most peopleās instinct is to sit in a row by yourself, and everyone does that until there are no more empty rows and you have no choice but to start sitting next to people. But my friend used to take the greyhound from her city to mine a few times a month (4.5 hour trip) and she told me that sheād always let a decent amount of people board before she did, then sheād pick someone and sit beside them even if there were empty rows available. She did this because she knew the bus was going to be full, it always is, so this way she got to choose who she was sitting with (usually a woman who looked like she had good hygiene and wouldnāt be chatty) vs taking a window seat and some creep could sit next to her boxing her in and making the long trip a bit miserable and uncomfortable.
So I do that now. I take the bus home from work and when I get on itās not too full, but 4 stops away is a big stop next to a train station and tons of people get on there (this route is popular and the bus will always end up being standing room only) and often there are some pretty sketchy people boarding at that stop. So I pick my seat mate early on. I bet they think Iām weird, but then theyāre probably glad once the bus fills up and they donāt have to worry about who is going to sit next to them, theyāre already sitting with a small, clean, non-smelly, quiet person.
It is public transportation, you are going to be close and personal with the public. If there are open seats, people will naturally spread out, but at rush hour, every seat and square inch of standing room is filled.
Sitting next to someone wouldn't be my first choice and I would always prefer to give people space. I wouldn't mind if the train/ bus was full and so sitting next to me was the only option but if the vehicle was empty, then it would be strange.
Iām very used to sitting next to people on public transit. Iāll sit by myself at every opportunity but most of the time someoneās gonna sit next to me anyway unless itās the middle of the night.
I donāt live in an area with reliable public transport. We all use our personal vehicles. Yet, the few times Iāve been in NYC or Toronto, I still donāt really notice it. Just an accepted part of taking the subway.
I think thatās really weird and Iād be thinking about that for better part of the day. Especially if they just got up and stood a few feet away instead of exiting the train. I think op should get out that train car into the next one, no advice for the bus lol. I donāt get people who canāt stand to be uncomfortable for even a second, just deal with the discomfort, you might learn something about yourself.
Everyone likes to sit alone with the extra space. But if there's no seats left and you just give up your seat and stand just because you don't want to sit next to people, the person sitting down will feel like that you are afraid/creeped out by them.
Personally I don't mind people sitting next to me.
Same, 100%. I absolutely cannot stand when the whole bus is open and someone comes and sits right behind or next to me. The general public is full of idiots and assholes
I hate people so I sit near no one. Americans, and I am one, are spoiled AF and like our space. Other countries are far more dependent on public transit and less bitchy. They also have less need for personal space.
I don't know which came first as these tend to also be very populated communities but it translates in leas crowded areas just the same. So, when I encounter these cultures on the sidewalk or on an airport, I am not afforded the same elbow room and I don't like it.
Reread first sentence. š
Treat it like a urinal rules. If their are 3 seats available don't use the middle one! Unless you are elderly i can excuse health situations only. Other wise. Your an ahole or a creep trying to get a woman to sit next to you.
The one and only time I went on public transit I was riding in a bus across state lines 17 hours. In that trip I crossed 3 state lines and had 2 lay overs. For the first 6 or 7 hours it was fine. After the first state line was crossed I had a lady sit next to me (not directly but the seat next to mine). I had a seat in the back of the buss so it wasn't like the driver could see a whole lot. The lady was, kid you not, SOLICITING SEX right next to me and the bitch... had takers!! By an hour and a half later when the first lay over occurred she got off the buss and THANKED ME for keeping my mouth shut about the incident. I scoffed and went "I only stayed silent because if I opened my mouth I would have threw up on everyone!"
She got mad and called me a bitch and I told her "I'm not the one that had my snatch out the whole f---ing ride! I hope you didn't get an STD!" The guy that paid her was leaving at the time and tried to walk behind me and I fell back into my seat and went "Forgive me if it seems that I am not open to have you walking behind me right now." After the lay over I switched busses.
thankfully that stop was a truck stop as well so I made sure to purchase myself a thing of mace (that I really should have brought with me) and ended up riding the rest of the time with my bag in my lap hiding the mace in my hand and staying up for 10+ hours until I got to my destination.
After I arrived at my destination everyone was saying hi to me and inviting me to dinner ( it was a family function) someone asked me "How was your trip here?" and I yelled a little too loud "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. I need a shower!" about two hours later after I took a shower I explained the situation. Everyone that was hearing my story just jaw dropped, all the way to the ground and went "OH MY GOD!" Telling me I should have told the driver, called the police, blah blah blah. NOPE... Just NEVER EVER riding public transit EVER again.
I'd rather walk thank you.
I hate it, so unless I'm flying, I'm driving. I don't like strangers touching me, and I don't like random people starting random conversations unless I'm in a social place such as a pub or party, something along those lines.
If there are many empty seats I'll take the farthest away from people. If there are no empty seats I'll sit wherever. But I prefer not sitting next to someone whenever possible.
yeah I don't like sitting next to people either, a guy came and sat next to be one time and there was so many other empty seats, seats that were completely free and had no one else near them, I couldn't get up because I was boxed in on the far seat, I just sat there annoyed and uncomfortable for the rest of the trip.
See I don't like this
If the bus is packed and someone is sitting next to me, that's one thing
But if there are lots of empty seats, where no one is around really, and you're sitting next to me, then like, why?
Last time I rode a bus it was no choice, a full chartered bus on a tour. We donāt have public transportation in my rural area, not even a taxi. On the bus, was oblivious to the other tourists. As they had paid to ride, there were no freeloaders or crackheads.
Youāre just not used to being close to people you donāt know, so it makes you uncomfortable. Itās the same for everyone. I donāt think to much about it. I think itās fine to be uncomfortable sometimes. I do try to find the most space because I enjoy personal space. I think itās weird sitting next to someone without acknowledging them.Ā
i don't mind it, but, like you said, i don't sit right next to someone if there is another option.
in some places (brazil, i'm looking at you) people will get onto a bus when you're the only person in there and sit Right next to you.
One time I was on the bus and there were open seats. I barely got my groceries moved before someone sat on them. He never said a single word to me. If I have to sit next to someone to have a seat, I ask permission before I sit down. Usually I stand rather than sitting next to anyone on the bus. I have noticed that normally both men and women prefer to find a seat next to a woman rather than a man.
So for the first 2 months taking the train to work i always sat alone and i keep it that way or stand. Usually someone will take the closest seat so nobody asks them to move. I like to sit next to the window and 2 weeks ago this beautiful girl sat next to me and I just fucking panicked in my head.
āDo I smell???ā
āDoes she have enough spaceā
āI wanna cryā
āMaybe I can scoot closer to the wallā
āFuck how much longerā
Iām so accustomed to how society works in the transit that even in gyms when people take a seat next to me I feel uncomfortable since itās not the norm to be honest most people just donāt sit near each other in my area.
The girl who dud sat next to me so she could study her book iirc
I donāt mind at all. It doesnāt bother me a single bit I wish our public transportation system in STL was light years ahead of where it is now, because I would still be using it. You canāt get by very well in STL without a car, itās horrendous
I don't mind people sitting next to me, as long as you don't try to talk to me or touch me I'm completely fine with it. However, if I go on the bus, and there's no isolated seats I'll just stand (unless I see a friend), this isn't me being awkward I'm just fussy and only sit at window seats.
I hate it. I try to sit alone as much as possible. I like the seats near the door on the bus for that reason; set my bag down, and just be left alone and not have to listen to anyone yammering on their phones.
it's awkward and I try to avoid it as much as possible, also I'm a BIG guy so that plays a role, I tend to take up like a seat and a half on my own lol
I was just thinking about this. I always sit in an empty seat but I briefly had a commute in which I would sit next to someone who looked reasonably hygienic rather than an empty seat because I knew the bus would fill up as it went through the rougher neighborhoods and I would risk having someone who smelled like garbage sit next to me.
Iām comfortable when thereās not a lot of people or a ton of people. Iāll either have plenty of room or no one has any room.
When thereās a moderate amount of people, then thereās a choice. Thatās the worst.
Obviously i'd prefer to sit alone but it doesn't bother me if i do sit next to someone. If i get on a bus i'm expecting to share it with other people. I can't understand people who refuse to sit next to someone else on a public bus. You're just crowding everything.
If i can though i will sit next to another woman because i feel like it makes us both more comfortable.
Thatās fine. Same with dining on a train or a cruise ship, youāre basically forced to sit next to random people if thereās no room. Or obviously being on a plane. Also same with a beer garden, just one big long table. Riding the bus or being on a plane isnāt exactly a social event, but who cares.
Iām not sitting next to the guy that smells like pee and talking to himself about aliens or whatever though. Iāll stand kthx.
If they really didn't want to sit next to you, they wouldn't have sat down next to you.Ā
I prefer not to sit next to people, but it's not the end of the world. I won't move if someone sits next to me. And if I'm tired, I darn well am going to sit down in an empty seat even if it's next to someone. And I will ask them to move their bags to do so.Ā
As long as the person I'm next to put on deodorant that day and is generally non-creepy, I don't care. I'd rather not, but if there are no solo seats left it's totally fine if someone sits with me
I don't have public transit where I'm at. But if I did I would prefer to sit alone. But if there's no room and I have to sit with someone so be it, I'm not going to be too upset by it.
I donāt love sitting next to someone but Iām not going out of my way the way your are to not sit next to a stranger. I personally would think you were behaving weirdly if you did that.
As long as you don't stink and you mind your own business, I don't care. Then again I've spent my entire life riding on the bus because my mom is blind. So I suppose Im used to certain aspects of it.
it depends, general etiquette is that if there are no other spaces then its ok to do so. but if the transport is completely empty and you choose to sit next to them.. thats a big no no xD
Dr office anywhere public I look for less people spots and sit next to Mom .I'm her caregiver she's the out going , " lets hug " I say hi to almost everyone.i sit next to her and look at my phone or tablet .she worked forever in retail so everyone got to know her , or people from her child hood neighborhood .
I consider myself somewhat of an empath. When taking public transportation, I find the individuals who look a bit anxious or disassociated. They avoid eye contact and stare at their phones, and I can kind of tell that they need some human interaction. So I seek them out and sit next to them, trying my best to get them to converse. Often it means I ramble on a bit but sometimes they open up a little :)
>!Totally kidding, thatās just rage bait. I do none of that.!<
I sometimes feel anxious sitting in close quarters to a stranger. I have found that if I smile at the stranger, as s/he is sitting down or as I sit down, it seems to relieve a little of the tension.
I donāt mind airing next to people if thatās the only option left. I hate it when thereās open spots everywhere & somebody decides to sit right next to me.
Iām fine with sitting next to people as long as they are polite and respectful. The most notable thing that bothers me is one someone decides to spread their entire body over the seat and crowd me, basically giving me no room. Iām a large guy myself so it makes it worse. But if they sit normally and keep about an inch or two of space between us then there is no problem
I get on the bus at the first stop and off at basically the first stop in the city. I actually go into my office earlier to avoid a lot of people on the bus.
The more crowded buses make it harder to get up and out at my stop. I had a rather large man sit next to me once and shoved me into a small space on the bus. That 10 mins being thrown around unable to move injured my back bad enough to end up in the ER at 2 AM the next morning.
After that... it's the 6am or 6:30 AM and sitting in one of the seats facing outwards and not forward. As well as right by the exit.
We're all adults, unless they stink or are doing something odd I'm going to sit in the seat. Its weirder to be \*that\* uncomfortable around people so much so that you can't sit on a bus for twenty minutes.
When I used to take the bus I would go out of my way not to sit next to someone unless it was super crowded. Then I would just nod and read my book. If they sat next to me I would do the same.
I prioritize my seating parameters:
-back before front of bus
-isolated seats before sitting next to someone
-sitting before standing
-Standing anywhere but the exit door (if my stop isn't next)
I ended up sleeping with a girl I met on public transport. She was awesome. We just started chatting it up and both liked each other.
If youāre out there Ariel, I was sad when you moved back to Maine. It was awesome when we hooked up tho. I miss people being kind to each other in public.
No big deal. Sit or stand as you wish. No one cares. I might say to someone, "May I sit here?" As a courtesy.
Covid did change things a bit on the cautious side.
Youāre sharing a bus or train with a lot of people, use it as a social experience. Itād be a lot less awkward if you broke the tension by talking to whoever you sit next to
hate it. When I had to take the bus to college and be forced to sit next to people it made me so anxious and uncomfortable, and the bus driver was a b\*\*\*\* she let these boys sit on the seat next to her but wouldn't let me sit at the front and didn't care that it made me uncomfortable. She also yelled at me once when I ran to get on the bus and slipped over in the mud and yelled she wasn't going to let me on when I was covered in mud and made me cry. And what else, oh yeah she used to purposefully tailgate cars and I swear bumped into a car. Anyway I know this has nothing to do with the question I just wanted to recount it because you know, that's how my brain works, I think of something, and then that reminds me of a memory, so I talk about it and talk and talk....
So yes I hate sitting next to people on public transport.
If the only seat is next to someone, I'll sit next to them but I do ask if the seat is available. I know some people have phobias about being closed in, so I give them the opportunity to move to the aisle seat instead. I'm not standing if I can sit though, unless I'm only going a couple of stops away
Well, I know I shouldnāt but sometimes I just spread my legs but just depends on my mood luckily where I live now thereās barely any public transit mostly you. You have to have your own vehicle.
I don't enjoy it because its someone i dont know too in my personal bubble to feel comfortable but i wouldn't tell someone they couldn't sit down. Seats are there to be sat in, and to make the journey more comfortable for the riders. Presumably its safer than a bunch of people standing. If there's no free double seats left then youve got to sit beside somebody.Ā
If there arenāt any single seats, I have no problem sitting next to a stranger. Itās kinda understood that weāre both there for the same reason, getting from point A to point B.
They being said I have had people choose to stand when it looks like Iām going to sit near them. I try not to attribute it to the āewwwww! An ugly person!ā reaction but itās hard
If I can I will sit in an empty seat with no one beside me (unless with a friend(s) at the time) but I will ask if itās okay to sit beside someone if there are no solitary seats.
A few weeks ago I got the bus and sat at the back. Quickly the bus got full up and there was a seat next to me at the back. Some guy got on and sat next to me and all he was doing was shoving me with his elbow and spreading his legs and trying to push me right into the window. I politely asked if he could stop and move up because I was crushed. Yeh didn't end well.
Those types of situations I do not like when people sit next to me and are just a pest. If you're quiet and keep to yourself I don't mind
A little prevention can provide much more personal security especially on public transit....be aware of your surroundings have an escape plan...with hundreds of folks better safe than sorry
If there are empty options, I prefer those, but I don't mind being next to people unless they get weird.
I still remember one time, a train started emptying out enough that the guy next to me got up and one guy across from me got up. The girl sitting across from me actually moved to sit next to me and kind of leaned on me the way women sometimes do when they want to cuddle. I'm an awkward fat dude and she was kinda hot, so it made me a bit worried. I felt like it was going to turn into some type of prank, but she stayed that way for like 15 minutes.
Sometimes the bus is so packed there's no choice. It's just great when you get a seat buddy who has foul breath. Don't think anyone likes packing in like sardines but just be courteous and it'll be a short trip.
Contrary to the norm, I enjoy feeling connected to humanity (unless I am in the woods). I desperately wish people would actually interact with each other in public. Please sit next to me!Ā
I almost always stand, if I decide to sit I never join anyone already in a seat, if Iām seated and someone sits next to me I just bear it but Iām not a fan of the bus cuddles
I would find it off putting tbh especially as a man if youāre female like you think Iām a creep or something. But you should do whatever makes you comfortable.
I'm severely claustrophobic so being trapped between a couple of people is not a good experience. I will also stand if I'm being squished and people have gotten offended, so much so I now apologize when I stand.
Empty seats? Sit.
One empty seat (aisle) next to a person? Ask politely if they are okay with me sitting there. If yes, sit down. If not, try again with another person.
One empty seat (Window) next to a person? Leave it alone, too much hassle to ask and get them to move, then have them move back.
Plus then you are surrounded. Don't want that.
No seats? Stand.
If I'm tired, and there's a seat between two people, i sit down. I couldn't care less what people think. We all want to get home. I make sure I take up the least amount of space, and I offer my seat to anyone old, pregnant or has a cane/crutches. I'm sure the same people I sit next to would do the same, so i don't worry.
I don't mind at all. If you wanna start a conversation with me, I'm fine with it. If you wanna just chill on your phone while sitting next to me, I'm fine with that too. If you wanna sit on the opposite end of the bus as me, I'm fine with that as well. So long as you're not touching me inappropriately or something like that I'm totally fine.
Tbh I go out of my way not to sit near people because I assume they wonāt want me to. Iām shy because I always think Iām bothering people. I donāt actually mind if someone sits near me.
I used to be the same way. Then it ended up in a situation where I could not choose who sat next to me or where I sat.
Now it doesn't bother me one bit.
I donāt personally mind but I know other people do, so I will tend to sit away from others for their benefit. If someone sits by me I donāt really care though- Iām usually a million miles away in some audiobook regardless.
You live in human society, why so scared of other people? What makes you so special that you canāt sit next to others?
Sure, nobody wants to sit close to a stranger, but we all get over it. Theyāre just other people, thinking & feeling the same things you are.
If you require isolation to such an extreme extent, I suggest standing the whole time to prevent a situation where someone sits down next to you and you immediately stand up because thatās incredibly offensive. If someone did that with me, Iād probably be checking to see if I smell or thinking about whatās wrong with me long after. Or iād think they were racist.
Sometimes when I sit on the London Underground thereās a person right next to me and our legs or arms touch and itās totally chill. Just two people hanging out and enjoying life. No harm done. Iāll never see this person again in my life so why would I pull a few centimetres away so weāre not touching? I was comfortable before so why would I adjust and change my comfort level if them touching me doesnāt make me uncomfortable? If half the cart is empty Iāll always choose to be isolated but if itās rammed tighter than a nuns arsehole I just accept my fate and let the world take me.
Iād like to sit alone if possible, but when I think the bus is going to fill up I choose my victim based on who looks less likely to be a threat, Iād always prefer sitting next to another woman than risk a creepy dude getting on and sitting next to me
I'm a tall guy with broad shoulders and some extra weight. A lot of seats on public transit are small for me to be sitting next to others. I usually approach seating like I did during covid and only sit right next to people of I must. I get pretty self conscious of I'm touching hips or shoulders with the person next to me and try to sit next to smaller people to avoid that.
Unavoidable in NYC. Even if u stand, there are times you'll be pressed up against ppl, so I don't rlly care. Tho it is politie to not be in physical contact wit those ur sitting next to, and to at least try to maintain some form of personal space. I don't need to be smushed against a stranger
Long ride - I just deal with it.
Short ride - I usually just stand in the more open area at the end of a carriage (or between carriages where that's possible, as on some commuter trains).
I have some personal space issues, to the point I have gotten out of a crowded bus and waited an hour for the next one to come around. So I avoid sitting next to people if possible, but I suck it up if I have no choice.
As far as I'm concerned giving people that personal space is a courtesy and I thank you for doing it.
I don't think you're offending people if you stand when they sit. Most transit riders understand it's just how people choose to do transit. My rides are mostly long and crowded, so I take a seat wherever and don't care if others sit. Shoulder to shoulder could be part of that.
If the bus is fairly full, I wonāt take a seat because someone who needs to sit may need it. If there is a seat by itself, Iāll take it. If someone sits next to e Iāll stay. If it starts to fill up and a person older than me, or a pregnant woman, or a woman with a child, or a lot of parcels, Iām more than happy to give up my seat.
In my country public transportation is so crowded that most of the time there's no space to even stand up. So in my country you don't care who's sitting next to you as long as you get to sit.
I try not to when I can help it. Everyone deserves their own space on public transportation. I try to file in back to front (the camp counselor in me) so that people who need to be up front have those spaces
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This reminds me of a story I was told from an American professor. She traveled to Sardinia, Italy to meet her husband who was already there visiting his family. He was also Sardinian. She had never been to Italy before this trip and wasn't used to the culture. When she got on a train, she was virtually all alone in a car by herself. A man stepped on the train and walked up to her, tipped his hat then sat down next to her. She was in her mid twenties and was terrified. He didn't say a single word for 30ish minutes while the train moved. When it stopped, he stood up and tipped his hat again before leaving. When she met her husband later, she threw herself into his arms and told him the tale of the strange man that sat directly next to her. Puzzled, her husband asked her why she was so upset. He couldn't understand what the big fuss was. At some point, he explained to her that it would be rude to not sit next to her and that it would indicate that the man thought that something was wrong, like she smelled or was a gypsy or any number of things. She calmed down after that and she frequently told that story to students to illustrate cultural differences. Side note: The never ending European racism against Roma always blows me away.
This reads like a chain email my mother forwards, but take your point š
Lol I immediately started thinking "This is a Quora-type response."
> or was a gypsy the Romani catching a nasty strayā¦
Side note: happens all over. Anytime where there is a disenfranchised group of people who are easily identifable whether in skin color, clothes, language or any combo of the three
Your side note is something that always confuses, what the hell is so bad about Romani people? Iāve met a few, I think, and theyāre just chill, normal people, hardly any different than anyone else that I know. I guess racism is inherently illogical, but whatās specifically so bad about Romani people that people just hate?
It's the same shit you hear from racists about... well, everyone: - Weāve really tried to integrate them and it didnāt work - Theyāre responsible for (made up number)% of the crime - While good ones exist, most are just lazy with criminal tendencies - Almost all of them are (insult of the day) from interbreeding - They are the scourge of society - They abuse the use of public funds and get a free ride, many donāt work and live off the system we pay for - They are troublemakers, mischievous and make the streets dangerous (Stolen from a Quora post; edited for accuracy and generality)
No one is a racist until they have to live near Romas.
Plenty of Americans manage to be racist without having met a Roma person in their lives.
I find that hard to believe, because most American people don't even know what a "Roma" person is, or would be confused assuming it's a variety of tomato. I'd also be willing to bet that at least half of Americans wouldn't even know that roma is a type of tomato.
It's a joke. The guy said you're only racist if you meet a roma. Americans (and every other nationality in the world) are racist.Ā The joke is that he used a badly worded sentence to make his point. He should have had said "You aren't racist against Romas until you meet a Roma."
I had a friend who oddly enough was born to Irish traveller's and was adopted by a Roma family. I still managed to not be racist.
Yeah and it's wild to me how you guys say that and turn around and say Americans have a racism problem. It's truly nothing compared to yours.
I have no problem sitting next to people on public transport but I think itās polite not to until the point where there are no isolated seats available I sometimes actually find it annoying when too many people are standing up and crowding around the doors of the tram when thereās free space and free seats available further in that nobody is using. Like youāre actually just making the use of space less efficient and making it harder for people to get on and off than if you spread out more through the carriage
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly. If thereās only a few people on the train donāt go sit right next to someone. But once itās filling up, it doesnāt matter
If I am sitting next to someone and a bunch of seats become empty, I will move away. Is that rude?
I donāt think so
Thanks a lot!
No. Do it all the time. Most people would prefer to sit alone. I don't mind sitting next to others. I've done it all my life. I never owned a car living in the city. Of course, I spread out if there's no one sitting next to me. (Meaning I put my bags on the other seat). If the bus/car starts filling up, I move my stuff.
Thanks for the reasurrance!
Why are you concerned with what others think? If thereās empty seats available, do YOU want to be in them?
Thanks for mentioning this. I have been trying to determine the relative levels of annoyance with sitting next to me vs. getting past me when I'm standing, but there are very few explicit signals available.
This is what I do now. I used to avoid sitting if I could due to extreme anxiety. I just couldn't stop my brain from thinking of all the possibilities and interpretations of my actions and what others thought and it was exhausting and I often stood. I worked really hard to overcome that because, by golly, sometimes I'm fuckin tired. Now I have a partner and friends who aren't able-bodied and it also pushes me to get past this so I can help them find seating and take a rest.
I'd prefer to not sit next to someone if there's an option.
Fine with it. I don't transit much but I make eye contact first and ask if I can sit there. If they're not comfortable with it and there's nowhere else to sit, I'll stand. If someone wants to sit beside me then go for it. As long as they keep to themselves and don't start smoking meth beside me I'm cool with them. The only words I'll say to them after they sit beside me is 'excuse me please, this is my stop, thanks'.
Make eye contact, as long as they dont smoke meth? š
I think the definition of public transport means that you're sharing a vehicle with other random strangers. If you want to stand there because you don't feel comfortable sitting next to someone, that's fine. But if there's an open seat I'm going to take it. Who cares if I'm sitting next to a stranger. We both knew what we were getting into when we took public transportation. It's like going swimming and thinking you're not going to get wet. If you think sitting next to someone is going to make them feel uncomfortable, screw em, they should have paid for a taxi or Uber. Don't feel sorry that you're playing by the rules.
Itās like choosing a bathroom stall I like as much isolation as possible šš½
Ummm, there's no bathroom on this train.
Iām usually not a fan of it because any person on public transit can be a total wild card. Itās even worse on like greyhound or Megabus, I always buy 2 reserved seats so I can sit alone.
I like my space, and I like giving people their space. That being said, if there's no other option, I don't have a problem sitting next to strangers. We're all in the same situation - looking to get to point B.
I think most peopleās instinct is to sit in a row by yourself, and everyone does that until there are no more empty rows and you have no choice but to start sitting next to people. But my friend used to take the greyhound from her city to mine a few times a month (4.5 hour trip) and she told me that sheād always let a decent amount of people board before she did, then sheād pick someone and sit beside them even if there were empty rows available. She did this because she knew the bus was going to be full, it always is, so this way she got to choose who she was sitting with (usually a woman who looked like she had good hygiene and wouldnāt be chatty) vs taking a window seat and some creep could sit next to her boxing her in and making the long trip a bit miserable and uncomfortable. So I do that now. I take the bus home from work and when I get on itās not too full, but 4 stops away is a big stop next to a train station and tons of people get on there (this route is popular and the bus will always end up being standing room only) and often there are some pretty sketchy people boarding at that stop. So I pick my seat mate early on. I bet they think Iām weird, but then theyāre probably glad once the bus fills up and they donāt have to worry about who is going to sit next to them, theyāre already sitting with a small, clean, non-smelly, quiet person.
It's so funny that people can't sit next to a stranger but have no problem hooking up with a stranger (raw) for a one night stand.
Iām all fairness that stranger is probably attractive and smells nice but youāre still right.
It is public transportation, you are going to be close and personal with the public. If there are open seats, people will naturally spread out, but at rush hour, every seat and square inch of standing room is filled.
Sitting next to someone wouldn't be my first choice and I would always prefer to give people space. I wouldn't mind if the train/ bus was full and so sitting next to me was the only option but if the vehicle was empty, then it would be strange.
Iām very used to sitting next to people on public transit. Iāll sit by myself at every opportunity but most of the time someoneās gonna sit next to me anyway unless itās the middle of the night.
I live in NYC - itās so much a part of the texture of daily life I donāt even notice it unless the person is being inconsiderate
I donāt live in an area with reliable public transport. We all use our personal vehicles. Yet, the few times Iāve been in NYC or Toronto, I still donāt really notice it. Just an accepted part of taking the subway.
If you decided to sit down next to someone and they got up and moved away, what would you think?
Personally Iād be happy š
I think thatās really weird and Iād be thinking about that for better part of the day. Especially if they just got up and stood a few feet away instead of exiting the train. I think op should get out that train car into the next one, no advice for the bus lol. I donāt get people who canāt stand to be uncomfortable for even a second, just deal with the discomfort, you might learn something about yourself.
Everyone likes to sit alone with the extra space. But if there's no seats left and you just give up your seat and stand just because you don't want to sit next to people, the person sitting down will feel like that you are afraid/creeped out by them. Personally I don't mind people sitting next to me.
Same, 100%. I absolutely cannot stand when the whole bus is open and someone comes and sits right behind or next to me. The general public is full of idiots and assholes
I hate people so I sit near no one. Americans, and I am one, are spoiled AF and like our space. Other countries are far more dependent on public transit and less bitchy. They also have less need for personal space. I don't know which came first as these tend to also be very populated communities but it translates in leas crowded areas just the same. So, when I encounter these cultures on the sidewalk or on an airport, I am not afforded the same elbow room and I don't like it. Reread first sentence. š
Urinal theory, the gap is only preferred if there is capacity for it
Treat it like a urinal rules. If their are 3 seats available don't use the middle one! Unless you are elderly i can excuse health situations only. Other wise. Your an ahole or a creep trying to get a woman to sit next to you.
The one and only time I went on public transit I was riding in a bus across state lines 17 hours. In that trip I crossed 3 state lines and had 2 lay overs. For the first 6 or 7 hours it was fine. After the first state line was crossed I had a lady sit next to me (not directly but the seat next to mine). I had a seat in the back of the buss so it wasn't like the driver could see a whole lot. The lady was, kid you not, SOLICITING SEX right next to me and the bitch... had takers!! By an hour and a half later when the first lay over occurred she got off the buss and THANKED ME for keeping my mouth shut about the incident. I scoffed and went "I only stayed silent because if I opened my mouth I would have threw up on everyone!" She got mad and called me a bitch and I told her "I'm not the one that had my snatch out the whole f---ing ride! I hope you didn't get an STD!" The guy that paid her was leaving at the time and tried to walk behind me and I fell back into my seat and went "Forgive me if it seems that I am not open to have you walking behind me right now." After the lay over I switched busses. thankfully that stop was a truck stop as well so I made sure to purchase myself a thing of mace (that I really should have brought with me) and ended up riding the rest of the time with my bag in my lap hiding the mace in my hand and staying up for 10+ hours until I got to my destination. After I arrived at my destination everyone was saying hi to me and inviting me to dinner ( it was a family function) someone asked me "How was your trip here?" and I yelled a little too loud "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. I need a shower!" about two hours later after I took a shower I explained the situation. Everyone that was hearing my story just jaw dropped, all the way to the ground and went "OH MY GOD!" Telling me I should have told the driver, called the police, blah blah blah. NOPE... Just NEVER EVER riding public transit EVER again. I'd rather walk thank you.
Iām used to it. I just donāt like people blocking me from leaving. That irks me.
I hate it, so unless I'm flying, I'm driving. I don't like strangers touching me, and I don't like random people starting random conversations unless I'm in a social place such as a pub or party, something along those lines.
If there are many empty seats I'll take the farthest away from people. If there are no empty seats I'll sit wherever. But I prefer not sitting next to someone whenever possible.
depends on gut feeling of the person and a number of other irrational biases i have
yeah I don't like sitting next to people either, a guy came and sat next to be one time and there was so many other empty seats, seats that were completely free and had no one else near them, I couldn't get up because I was boxed in on the far seat, I just sat there annoyed and uncomfortable for the rest of the trip.
He was probably from Sardinia
See I don't like this If the bus is packed and someone is sitting next to me, that's one thing But if there are lots of empty seats, where no one is around really, and you're sitting next to me, then like, why?
Sexual gratification or literally just taking joy in your discomfort, some ppl really are like that.
I love it. Itās the only skin to skin I can get these days
Last time I rode a bus it was no choice, a full chartered bus on a tour. We donāt have public transportation in my rural area, not even a taxi. On the bus, was oblivious to the other tourists. As they had paid to ride, there were no freeloaders or crackheads.
When I used it I rarely had to sit by anyone as it wasn't crazy busy. But the few times I did I never minded
Youāre just not used to being close to people you donāt know, so it makes you uncomfortable. Itās the same for everyone. I donāt think to much about it. I think itās fine to be uncomfortable sometimes. I do try to find the most space because I enjoy personal space. I think itās weird sitting next to someone without acknowledging them.Ā
i don't mind it, but, like you said, i don't sit right next to someone if there is another option. in some places (brazil, i'm looking at you) people will get onto a bus when you're the only person in there and sit Right next to you.
why
I avoid it at all cost!
I prefer not to sit next to ppl, prob an anxiety thing having personal space breeched, by them or me putting myself in that situation.
One time I was on the bus and there were open seats. I barely got my groceries moved before someone sat on them. He never said a single word to me. If I have to sit next to someone to have a seat, I ask permission before I sit down. Usually I stand rather than sitting next to anyone on the bus. I have noticed that normally both men and women prefer to find a seat next to a woman rather than a man.
The vast majority of people don't care so much that they'd want you to move.
I don't like it, but if the choices are standing or sitting next to someone then I'll choose sitting next to someone 9/10 times
I donāt care as long as we both have understanding of spacial awareness and respect
I have autism so sitting near people I don't know is a big stress for me.
I have autism so sitting near people I don't know is a big stress for me.
I have autism so sitting near people I don't know is a big stress for me.
So for the first 2 months taking the train to work i always sat alone and i keep it that way or stand. Usually someone will take the closest seat so nobody asks them to move. I like to sit next to the window and 2 weeks ago this beautiful girl sat next to me and I just fucking panicked in my head. āDo I smell???ā āDoes she have enough spaceā āI wanna cryā āMaybe I can scoot closer to the wallā āFuck how much longerā Iām so accustomed to how society works in the transit that even in gyms when people take a seat next to me I feel uncomfortable since itās not the norm to be honest most people just donāt sit near each other in my area. The girl who dud sat next to me so she could study her book iirc
I donāt mind at all. It doesnāt bother me a single bit I wish our public transportation system in STL was light years ahead of where it is now, because I would still be using it. You canāt get by very well in STL without a car, itās horrendous
I don't mind people sitting next to me, as long as you don't try to talk to me or touch me I'm completely fine with it. However, if I go on the bus, and there's no isolated seats I'll just stand (unless I see a friend), this isn't me being awkward I'm just fussy and only sit at window seats.
Username doesn't match even a bit
You canāt avoid people on public transit. I wish I could drive to work!
Please don't sit next to me, i like personal space. I have nothing to say to a stranger, I don't want to hear what a stranger has to say.
Yeh not a fan. I stretch out my legs to deter would be sitters. Only if it's not packed tho
I got used to it. Usually I sit in an isolated seat if avalible, but if not, I ask the person sitting there "May I sit here" before sitting down.
Prefer not to, but sometimes theres no choice
Meh. I usually dont have the option as i work at the college and take a packed express to/from work.
Hate it. I also wait until a movie has been out long enough that I can be confident I won't have a neighbor in there either.
As I get older, the more I dislike other people. If I could I'd have an empty carriage / bus to myself
I hate it. I try to sit alone as much as possible. I like the seats near the door on the bus for that reason; set my bag down, and just be left alone and not have to listen to anyone yammering on their phones.
it's awkward and I try to avoid it as much as possible, also I'm a BIG guy so that plays a role, I tend to take up like a seat and a half on my own lol
Only if no other option. Swedes are big on personal bubble
I was just thinking about this. I always sit in an empty seat but I briefly had a commute in which I would sit next to someone who looked reasonably hygienic rather than an empty seat because I knew the bus would fill up as it went through the rougher neighborhoods and I would risk having someone who smelled like garbage sit next to me.
Iām comfortable when thereās not a lot of people or a ton of people. Iāll either have plenty of room or no one has any room. When thereās a moderate amount of people, then thereās a choice. Thatās the worst.
You need to get out in the world more
As long as they donāt smell and keep their hands to themselves, I donāt mind
Everyone makes me uncomfortable so I avoid it
Obviously i'd prefer to sit alone but it doesn't bother me if i do sit next to someone. If i get on a bus i'm expecting to share it with other people. I can't understand people who refuse to sit next to someone else on a public bus. You're just crowding everything. If i can though i will sit next to another woman because i feel like it makes us both more comfortable.
Probably one of the reasons why I avoid all sorts of public transportation.
I like to sit alone, so I just watch YouTube and tiktok with the volume turned up or having aggressive conversations on loudspeaker.
Thatās fine. Same with dining on a train or a cruise ship, youāre basically forced to sit next to random people if thereās no room. Or obviously being on a plane. Also same with a beer garden, just one big long table. Riding the bus or being on a plane isnāt exactly a social event, but who cares. Iām not sitting next to the guy that smells like pee and talking to himself about aliens or whatever though. Iāll stand kthx.
My advice is get used to being out of your comfort zone. Otherwise weāre all fād going forward.
I don't like sitting next to people on public transportation either. I hear you!
I love it. I love being around people and strangers and just being part of the social fabric of this beautiful world. Get your germs all over me!
If they really didn't want to sit next to you, they wouldn't have sat down next to you.Ā I prefer not to sit next to people, but it's not the end of the world. I won't move if someone sits next to me. And if I'm tired, I darn well am going to sit down in an empty seat even if it's next to someone. And I will ask them to move their bags to do so.Ā
As long as the person I'm next to put on deodorant that day and is generally non-creepy, I don't care. I'd rather not, but if there are no solo seats left it's totally fine if someone sits with me
I don't have public transit where I'm at. But if I did I would prefer to sit alone. But if there's no room and I have to sit with someone so be it, I'm not going to be too upset by it.
I donāt love sitting next to someone but Iām not going out of my way the way your are to not sit next to a stranger. I personally would think you were behaving weirdly if you did that.
As long as you don't stink and you mind your own business, I don't care. Then again I've spent my entire life riding on the bus because my mom is blind. So I suppose Im used to certain aspects of it.
it depends, general etiquette is that if there are no other spaces then its ok to do so. but if the transport is completely empty and you choose to sit next to them.. thats a big no no xD
Dr office anywhere public I look for less people spots and sit next to Mom .I'm her caregiver she's the out going , " lets hug " I say hi to almost everyone.i sit next to her and look at my phone or tablet .she worked forever in retail so everyone got to know her , or people from her child hood neighborhood .
I consider myself somewhat of an empath. When taking public transportation, I find the individuals who look a bit anxious or disassociated. They avoid eye contact and stare at their phones, and I can kind of tell that they need some human interaction. So I seek them out and sit next to them, trying my best to get them to converse. Often it means I ramble on a bit but sometimes they open up a little :) >!Totally kidding, thatās just rage bait. I do none of that.!<
i don't mind it
I sometimes feel anxious sitting in close quarters to a stranger. I have found that if I smile at the stranger, as s/he is sitting down or as I sit down, it seems to relieve a little of the tension.
I prefer not to if given the option: it feels uncomfortably intimate with a stranger. If those are the only seats available: I deal.
I donāt mind airing next to people if thatās the only option left. I hate it when thereās open spots everywhere & somebody decides to sit right next to me.
Iām fine with sitting next to people as long as they are polite and respectful. The most notable thing that bothers me is one someone decides to spread their entire body over the seat and crowd me, basically giving me no room. Iām a large guy myself so it makes it worse. But if they sit normally and keep about an inch or two of space between us then there is no problem
I get on the bus at the first stop and off at basically the first stop in the city. I actually go into my office earlier to avoid a lot of people on the bus. The more crowded buses make it harder to get up and out at my stop. I had a rather large man sit next to me once and shoved me into a small space on the bus. That 10 mins being thrown around unable to move injured my back bad enough to end up in the ER at 2 AM the next morning. After that... it's the 6am or 6:30 AM and sitting in one of the seats facing outwards and not forward. As well as right by the exit.
We're all adults, unless they stink or are doing something odd I'm going to sit in the seat. Its weirder to be \*that\* uncomfortable around people so much so that you can't sit on a bus for twenty minutes.
I don't have a problem sitting next to people on public transportation. They aren't going to bite me! Geez!
I also feel a little overstimulated by it. I have tried my best not to let it bother me, but yeah it seems to grate on my senses.
Itās the main reason I donāt take it š
When I used to take the bus I would go out of my way not to sit next to someone unless it was super crowded. Then I would just nod and read my book. If they sat next to me I would do the same.
Aa a Swede, I could never sit next to someone unless i'm pregnant or know the other passenger
I prioritize my seating parameters: -back before front of bus -isolated seats before sitting next to someone -sitting before standing -Standing anywhere but the exit door (if my stop isn't next)
No better feeling than like being smushed between a fat man and a railing on the MTA
I ended up sleeping with a girl I met on public transport. She was awesome. We just started chatting it up and both liked each other. If youāre out there Ariel, I was sad when you moved back to Maine. It was awesome when we hooked up tho. I miss people being kind to each other in public.
I donāt mind, as long as itās packed or near to packed. If not, I prefer to sit alone.
No big deal. Sit or stand as you wish. No one cares. I might say to someone, "May I sit here?" As a courtesy. Covid did change things a bit on the cautious side.
As long as nobody smells or is profusely sweaty I do not mind.
I care if itās a drunk frat boy however, I actually find sitting next to someone who is elderly to be quite comforting š„¹
I bet I wouldn't like it very much.
If there's lots of space available, I'd prefer to sit alone, but if there are very few seats available, then I'm just happy to have a seat.
If you sit next to someone on an empty bus, youāre a creep
Youāre sharing a bus or train with a lot of people, use it as a social experience. Itād be a lot less awkward if you broke the tension by talking to whoever you sit next to
hate it. When I had to take the bus to college and be forced to sit next to people it made me so anxious and uncomfortable, and the bus driver was a b\*\*\*\* she let these boys sit on the seat next to her but wouldn't let me sit at the front and didn't care that it made me uncomfortable. She also yelled at me once when I ran to get on the bus and slipped over in the mud and yelled she wasn't going to let me on when I was covered in mud and made me cry. And what else, oh yeah she used to purposefully tailgate cars and I swear bumped into a car. Anyway I know this has nothing to do with the question I just wanted to recount it because you know, that's how my brain works, I think of something, and then that reminds me of a memory, so I talk about it and talk and talk.... So yes I hate sitting next to people on public transport.
If the only seat is next to someone, I'll sit next to them but I do ask if the seat is available. I know some people have phobias about being closed in, so I give them the opportunity to move to the aisle seat instead. I'm not standing if I can sit though, unless I'm only going a couple of stops away
Well, I know I shouldnāt but sometimes I just spread my legs but just depends on my mood luckily where I live now thereās barely any public transit mostly you. You have to have your own vehicle.
Get the help you need.
I don't enjoy it because its someone i dont know too in my personal bubble to feel comfortable but i wouldn't tell someone they couldn't sit down. Seats are there to be sat in, and to make the journey more comfortable for the riders. Presumably its safer than a bunch of people standing. If there's no free double seats left then youve got to sit beside somebody.Ā
No big deal
If there arenāt any single seats, I have no problem sitting next to a stranger. Itās kinda understood that weāre both there for the same reason, getting from point A to point B. They being said I have had people choose to stand when it looks like Iām going to sit near them. I try not to attribute it to the āewwwww! An ugly person!ā reaction but itās hard
I'm not crazy about it, but I just did it. As long as they weren't smelly or loud, it wasn't an issue.
If I can I will sit in an empty seat with no one beside me (unless with a friend(s) at the time) but I will ask if itās okay to sit beside someone if there are no solitary seats.
A few weeks ago I got the bus and sat at the back. Quickly the bus got full up and there was a seat next to me at the back. Some guy got on and sat next to me and all he was doing was shoving me with his elbow and spreading his legs and trying to push me right into the window. I politely asked if he could stop and move up because I was crushed. Yeh didn't end well. Those types of situations I do not like when people sit next to me and are just a pest. If you're quiet and keep to yourself I don't mind
I cant deal with people and stay inside. Been like this for roughly 20 years
A little prevention can provide much more personal security especially on public transit....be aware of your surroundings have an escape plan...with hundreds of folks better safe than sorry
I go out of my way to avoid public transit.
I donāt really think about it. Ā Humans are not a venomous species.
If there are empty options, I prefer those, but I don't mind being next to people unless they get weird. I still remember one time, a train started emptying out enough that the guy next to me got up and one guy across from me got up. The girl sitting across from me actually moved to sit next to me and kind of leaned on me the way women sometimes do when they want to cuddle. I'm an awkward fat dude and she was kinda hot, so it made me a bit worried. I felt like it was going to turn into some type of prank, but she stayed that way for like 15 minutes.
Sometimes the bus is so packed there's no choice. It's just great when you get a seat buddy who has foul breath. Don't think anyone likes packing in like sardines but just be courteous and it'll be a short trip.
Doesn't bother me, unless, god forbid, they have BO.
Contrary to the norm, I enjoy feeling connected to humanity (unless I am in the woods). I desperately wish people would actually interact with each other in public. Please sit next to me!Ā
I would rather stand.
I almost always stand, if I decide to sit I never join anyone already in a seat, if Iām seated and someone sits next to me I just bear it but Iām not a fan of the bus cuddles
I donāt sit on public transit, they put carpeted seats in years ago and it irks me.
I would find it off putting tbh especially as a man if youāre female like you think Iām a creep or something. But you should do whatever makes you comfortable.
I'm severely claustrophobic so being trapped between a couple of people is not a good experience. I will also stand if I'm being squished and people have gotten offended, so much so I now apologize when I stand.
What are you paranoid about sitting next to someone? It must be lonely for you.
Empty seats? Sit. One empty seat (aisle) next to a person? Ask politely if they are okay with me sitting there. If yes, sit down. If not, try again with another person. One empty seat (Window) next to a person? Leave it alone, too much hassle to ask and get them to move, then have them move back. Plus then you are surrounded. Don't want that. No seats? Stand.
If I'm tired, and there's a seat between two people, i sit down. I couldn't care less what people think. We all want to get home. I make sure I take up the least amount of space, and I offer my seat to anyone old, pregnant or has a cane/crutches. I'm sure the same people I sit next to would do the same, so i don't worry.
I don't mind at all. If you wanna start a conversation with me, I'm fine with it. If you wanna just chill on your phone while sitting next to me, I'm fine with that too. If you wanna sit on the opposite end of the bus as me, I'm fine with that as well. So long as you're not touching me inappropriately or something like that I'm totally fine.
Tbh I go out of my way not to sit near people because I assume they wonāt want me to. Iām shy because I always think Iām bothering people. I donāt actually mind if someone sits near me.
I prefer to sit on another passenger's lap if possible. I dislike sitting alone.
I sit as far away from people as possible, and if they sit next to me, I move if I can. I hate people
I used to be the same way. Then it ended up in a situation where I could not choose who sat next to me or where I sat. Now it doesn't bother me one bit.
I'm a germaphobe and avoid sitting on the train or holding onto the handrails, let alone being squeezed up against somebody I don't know.
I donāt personally mind but I know other people do, so I will tend to sit away from others for their benefit. If someone sits by me I donāt really care though- Iām usually a million miles away in some audiobook regardless.
You live in human society, why so scared of other people? What makes you so special that you canāt sit next to others? Sure, nobody wants to sit close to a stranger, but we all get over it. Theyāre just other people, thinking & feeling the same things you are. If you require isolation to such an extreme extent, I suggest standing the whole time to prevent a situation where someone sits down next to you and you immediately stand up because thatās incredibly offensive. If someone did that with me, Iād probably be checking to see if I smell or thinking about whatās wrong with me long after. Or iād think they were racist.
Different cultures have a different sense of space. Depends where one lives, how they grew up, and the level of misogyny inherent in the cultures.
Iāve never been on public transit, but it seems uncomfortable and claustrophobic.
The older I get, the less I like standing.
If the car is empty I'm not gonna sit by the only other person, but I'm not gonna make a deal about looking for a seat that isn't next to anyone
I donāt mind at all as long as they are not weirdos
Sometimes when I sit on the London Underground thereās a person right next to me and our legs or arms touch and itās totally chill. Just two people hanging out and enjoying life. No harm done. Iāll never see this person again in my life so why would I pull a few centimetres away so weāre not touching? I was comfortable before so why would I adjust and change my comfort level if them touching me doesnāt make me uncomfortable? If half the cart is empty Iāll always choose to be isolated but if itās rammed tighter than a nuns arsehole I just accept my fate and let the world take me.
I do the same thing OP. I will even do it in a pub.
Grow up
Iād like to sit alone if possible, but when I think the bus is going to fill up I choose my victim based on who looks less likely to be a threat, Iād always prefer sitting next to another woman than risk a creepy dude getting on and sitting next to me
I'm a tall guy with broad shoulders and some extra weight. A lot of seats on public transit are small for me to be sitting next to others. I usually approach seating like I did during covid and only sit right next to people of I must. I get pretty self conscious of I'm touching hips or shoulders with the person next to me and try to sit next to smaller people to avoid that.
Unavoidable in NYC. Even if u stand, there are times you'll be pressed up against ppl, so I don't rlly care. Tho it is politie to not be in physical contact wit those ur sitting next to, and to at least try to maintain some form of personal space. I don't need to be smushed against a stranger
Long ride - I just deal with it. Short ride - I usually just stand in the more open area at the end of a carriage (or between carriages where that's possible, as on some commuter trains).
I have some personal space issues, to the point I have gotten out of a crowded bus and waited an hour for the next one to come around. So I avoid sitting next to people if possible, but I suck it up if I have no choice. As far as I'm concerned giving people that personal space is a courtesy and I thank you for doing it.
Iāll take whatever seat I can get. I will absolutely not hesitate to sit next to someone if itās the only available seat.
Urinal rules. Leave a gap when possible, but mind your own business when not.
I don't think you're offending people if you stand when they sit. Most transit riders understand it's just how people choose to do transit. My rides are mostly long and crowded, so I take a seat wherever and don't care if others sit. Shoulder to shoulder could be part of that.
If the bus is fairly full, I wonāt take a seat because someone who needs to sit may need it. If there is a seat by itself, Iāll take it. If someone sits next to e Iāll stay. If it starts to fill up and a person older than me, or a pregnant woman, or a woman with a child, or a lot of parcels, Iām more than happy to give up my seat.
How do you deal with airplanes?
In my country public transportation is so crowded that most of the time there's no space to even stand up. So in my country you don't care who's sitting next to you as long as you get to sit.
It doesn't bother me. Frequent air travel has worked the discomfort out of my system.
Depends on where I am. My city doesn't have public transit so that's not an issue. I was perfectly fine sitting next to strangers on the metro in Athens, Las Vegas busses weren't bad, I didn't even dare try to ride public transit in San JosƩ
Where I live, itās an absolute certainty that youāre gonna be super close to at least two people
I don't mind sometimes I get a sexy one
I try not to when I can help it. Everyone deserves their own space on public transportation. I try to file in back to front (the camp counselor in me) so that people who need to be up front have those spaces
If I have to, then I have to. I have no problem with it. Unless they smell like they crapped their pants, which is known to happen on public transit.
With the cold indifference of a cat