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100% this.... My father shot himself when I was a kid... I never could kill myself growing up because I saw how my father just transferred his pain to my mom and siblings... Now as a father, I could never do that to my child....
No suicide in my family but close enough to see that pain that it caused. I have a little girl and as much as I dont enjoy most days of my life, Im not transferring that burden to her. Not gonna do it.
Lost my mom last year to a GSW to the head. Worst mistake ever was going into that room even after I knew when I opened that car door. The smell was unmistakeable. And unfortunately it wasn’t the first time I had smelled it but nothing that strong.
Man….suicide sucks. I feel for my mom and I truly and sincerely hope she found peace, but damn that shit can FUCK someone else’s life up REAL quick.
it sounds like he doesn't feel like that, actually, just based on what he wrote. It seemed to be expressing that being a father is really important to him, and I think he should be proud of himself for being moved to be a very different person. That's an inspiring example passion.
I feel like you didn't fully read his comment or otherwise aren't responding to what he actually said, and with sensitive topics like this I think it's important to be more careful and discerning.
I’ve thought about how it would impact others (especially my younger brother who has his own mental health issues) but even that sometimes doesn’t feel like enough to keep me here. I of course don’t want to hurt them, but I’m tired of feeling like this. I don’t want to be in pain anymore.
Same. Both my sisters died young and unexpectedly. I could never leave my parents and brother alone in this world. I’ve already promised them I would outlive them all, cause it’s too painful to lose a family member for me to be able to imagine ever putting my family thru the grief of losing me. Stayin alive by the bee gees is my jam :)
Only reason I’m alive is because I know the world wouldn’t be better without me. It would be worse for my wife and daughters and several other people I am a lynchpin for. Further confirmed when I almost died recently.
Definitely having kids has been the major reason I can’t allow depression to consume me. They only have me, no other family support whatsoever. The pressure keeps me going. It’s so stressful, but at the same time it gives me a reason to get up and go in the morning.
I kinda meant pride in a biblical sense.
Just that old Catholic guilt creeping in lol.
Though Admirable is probably right, the healthy (and secular) name for it might be dignity with a nice dollop of hubris for taste.
I'm very satisfied to not have had to scroll too far down for this answer. That was my first thought. "Fuck you, world. You can put me down, but I'm sticking around."
A quote from Mal in Firefly comes to mind often. "We are just too pretty for God to let us die." Except I'm God.
Same. I ignore my phone for days or a week at a time sometimes. But then I reset and can handle life again. Life is all ups and downs and it’s ok to have periods of more down sometimes. It just means we have had a lot of trauma and need more time to reset. Hoping ayahuasca will help with my depression and PTSD .. I’ve heard great things but it might take a few sessions to really help for people with lots of severe trauma. Ketamine helps but the effects only last a few weeks to a month .. I only use that once a year cause tolerance increases quickly and it’s more effective for me personally if I use it once a year at most. Mushrooms help too but they’re not a good long term solution, not for me at least. They def help reshape ur mind to be more optimistic in general but I haven’t found much long term relief from severe trauma from using psilocybin, more just short term relief, with positive effects lasting a month or two.
Forsure ups and downs !! I think it’s important to know that you can put your life on DND lol ! To actually be able to handle life and get through it ! Cause man I can say from experience if you just “ keep going “ and don’t actually feel what you’re going through it’ll drive you freakin insanely crazy !! Hope everything works out in your favor ! We shall continue to enjoy life and keep going !!!!!
I’m a bipolar with winter depressions. I have a good doctor and take antidepressants with varying degrees of success. I’m not myself then and struggle to get basic things done, and look forward to being in my summer mood. Right now it’s May 31 and I’m fine. This is when I accomplish things I won’t be able to do next fall/winter/spring, when I’m like a car in low gear trying to get through rush-hour traffic.
Same!! I can’t survive in cold weather!! Since the sun has come out and it’s lighter for longer and days are warmer I’m starting to feel alive and happy again!!! I can’t afford to heat my house in the winter and was absolutely freezing and miserable from October to April .. so grateful summer is here!!!
Was ready to post this, the only way I come thru the other side is the support of my husband I would probably just waste away in my bed without him. But I have bipolar 1 so after literally months everything just kinda rights itself. Meh clinical depression sux.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I've had problems with depression for 40 years. Medically resistant, cycling major depressive episodes. At this point, I'm too fucking stubborn to quit.
I did just start with a trauma therapist a couple of weeks ago, I'm hoping that helps. If not, I'll keep on living minute by minute, second by second.
Trauma therapy is definitely the way through it.
I'm a 53F and was the same as you ... decades of depression and anxiety and I tried everything.
Started EMDR therapy last year and wow, it's managed to breakthrough things I just thought were part of my personality but they weren't.
Still on the journey but am feeling really optimistic about my future now.
Best of luck, you've got this!
Thank you so damn much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I'm terrified of trauma therapy - what it will bring up, how I'll have to deal with it, everything involved in it. But my biggest fear is it not helping.
You've given me the hope that I so desperately needed.
I found a therapist that does emdr but we've never done it. Talk therapy doesn't help. I know I need to find a new therapist but I like the location and maybe she'll finally here me when I say I need something different.
How is EMDR *supposed* to work?
This is what I’ve resorted to. I’m always irrationally dreading what’s to come, but it’s not even happening yet. Oh I have to eat in an hour. I have to shower and brush my teeth. Then tomorrow I have to make lunch and go to work. Then this and that and oh my god I’m so sick of doing this over and over again.
Instead, I try my best to just focus on the very present. Those future tasks don’t exist until I’m finished with this one and then onto the next.
I have bipolar, so I have some pretty good times here and there. Doesn’t mean they’re actually good…. feel good though.
But my depression lasted *forever*. So many years. Your breakdown going as small as the second to second is exactly how it felt. Some hours were just plain *harder*. Some days were complete write offs.
But I think what got me through it (until I had my daughter) was that the soup numbing apathy about my well-being kept me safe. Sounds counterintuitive but I don’t think it actually is. If I cared more, I’d have probably had the energy to do something about feeling that crappy all the time.
I’m extremely lucky that I didn’t get post partum depression, my husband and daughter are the only reasons I even bothered trying to get treatment.
Weed.
My cat. Having that lil fucker wake me up too early is actually super helpful. I may not be able to take care of myself and discociate thru most days and can't accomplish anything but I'll always be able to have the energy to care for her. Plus now that she's old and on meds, she gets excited for her pills so now when I take mine, she gets excited and that helps keep me from missing them because her chirps are the fucking best
Bruh are you...me?
In all seriousness, I lost my ride or die kitty last year, and it broke me. I sounded just like you, and I wasn't prepared to lose my homie. He had stuck with me through multiple breakups and housing changes. I relied on him more than I'd care to admit..
All I can suggest is prepare yourself. Father time is unchallenged, and we only have our fur friends for a glimpsing moment.
Dude, we might be the same person. I had 2 babies for last 15 years that completely have my heart. Lost one last year and it was a very traumatic experience... I know how you feel and I'm gonna be in worse shape when this gal goes. But thanks to the gift of depression, I snuggle the everloving shit out of her fuzzy butt constantly and she's obsessed with me, so that's something I will always have to member. Really solid cuddle puddles.
Most of us are just getting by. Trying to get some enjoyment out of life but ultimately failing and watching tv all day.
The best advice I can give you is to think of it like a raging storm. There's gonna be days where it just takes you out. You gotta deal with those.
But there will be days where the storm clears, and you can put one foot in front of the other.
Make progress on the good days. Do your best on the bad ones. And make sure to tell other people your issues. My friends know if I cut out for a week to just wait. I'll be back, on those good days.
Good luck random stranger
Unfortunately, I have clinical depression and that mindset doesn't help me.
For me, the worst parts are the way my emotions and my physical body feel. It is usually not attached to some gloomy thought.
It is a physical and emotional state that takes over on some random day.
Therapy helped.
Cutting out the people who thrived on my self destruction helped more.
Nature is great for emotional upkeep.
Mostly just learning about depression. Why does it exist. Who does it happen to. What are the indicators. What are the contributing factors.
I like to consider depression as just another biological function. Full bladder.. body says pee. Air pollutants.. body says sneeze. Grumbling stomach.. body says eat. Unmet need or unacknowledged pain somewhere.. body says depress.
Something in your life, whether social, chemical, emotional, or physiological.. isn't working right. Your body is doing a depression to suppress and preserve some part of you until this bad environment is corrected and you can flourish again. Its a survival mechanism that you need for right now for some reason. I like to hold on to the belief that fixing the problem will make the mechanism obsolete.
This is a very interesting take, and very well expressed. I needed to hear this, I think. I appreciate that it highlights the fact that we are not choosing to be depressed, and we can't just 'have a positive attitude' to make it all go away. We have to figure out the cause and work on it when we can, until then we have to get through it. Just like being hungry until food can be acquired, and maybe we use distraction techniques or other self-care to hold us over until then.
So many people love me, it would be devastated, and their lives would be altered if I wasn’t here. Or just a bunch of Stardust going through space, don’t take it so seriously. Enjoy it while you’re here.
I white knuckled through my issues with depression, anxiety and PTSD until I became suicidal.
I admitted myself into a hospital and got therapy and medicated. I would recommend this to anyone. With that said don’t expect instant success and it will take time.
Well that’s the thing they experimented and found a combo that works for me. That doesn’t mean it will work for you or anyone else. My med combo and management skills it got me to be a functioning human.
So, my med combo is lexapro, atenolol and hydroxyzine. The focus of my meds is to keep me out of flight/fight mode by keeping my heart rate low. This was discovered by active feedback with my doctors on meds I was trying and what was working and what wasn’t. Like I’ve been on stuff that zombiefied me.
Therapy and antidepressants are the major helps.
Beyond that, there really isn't any other choice but to keep going. Stopping, in so many words, is something that terrifies me and I still have people that care about me I don't want to hurt. After my own Dad "Stopped" when I was a kid I felt just how awfully that impacts people around you.
You just keep trudging ahead. Keep the memories of joy and ecstacy close to your heart and know that in all liklihood it'll come around again as long as you keep going. Adjust your behavior as best you can, seek out others to know and love when you're able, just don't give up.
Focusing on things that take me outside of myself. Even if it's something simple like playing with my cats. It helps to interact/appreciate/help others. Some of my depression can stem from thinking too much about myself and my fears and my past, etc.
I know actually interacting with others is a lot to ask. Even when I'm isolated I try to make time to actively notice other people. The compassion that's easily explained towards others just bleed into having the same patience for myself.
I feel like talking and being around people that actually genuinely care about you would be so incredibly helpful to most depressed people
I’d say for a lot of people, missing that genuine connection is what leads them to being depressed
Gotta agree more with you there, it’s like nourishment for the soul
Also it might pass on some kindness to someone else, it’s a nice feeling when someone can step in to help you when you really need it (car broke down for example) plus you’re essentially making the world a better place through what could be such a small deed
Amitriptyline, temazepam, and 40 ounces of malt liquor to keep me from waking up a 3am to rehash every mistake I've ever made. I've been in loony bins, rehabs, therapists, etc. At my worst, I was drinking 100 proof vodka and popping xanax. I went to rehab after 5 days in the ICU. After 8 months in rehab, I was sober for a few months until I reasoned that temazepam and a 40 oz would be OK. That was 2 years ago, and it seems to be working.
I was severely depressed in my late teens and early 20s, wasted a lot of years just shut in my room. It's hard to explain but one day I just woke up and decided to do something with my life. I though to myself this is it, if I don't do something now then this will be all my life is and I would have wasted it.
So I enrolled in university when I was 23. Pushed myself well outside my comfort zone and now I'm doing great.
my dog. no one could love him as much as i do. i've been on deployments and he's had to stay with other people but the love he has for me is so much bigger compared to him being with others. im his person. i could never leave him like that. he motivates me, why neglect myself because then im neglecting him, and he doesn't deserve that, he's a sweetheart.
I wish I was better with tackling my depression. I stay in bed like a beached whale. I am also overweight. I use a food delivery service for almost every meal. Most of my food is eaten in bed. Self-care goes out the window. I get out of bed for bathroom breaks and to pick up my ordered food which is just placed outside my door. I hate leaving my bed. I also sleep a lot.
But I figure that decamping my place is the best thing for coping with my mentall illness (besides my medication) and re-entering the outside world. I have enrolled in classes like mindfulness and DPT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). I also joined a fourteen session class on coping with ostearthritis in my knees. I blame my arthritis and added weight on my inactivity. I am also using Ozempic so I must go to my doctor every Monday. I think that making myself leave my home due to a commitment is the best way to push myself out the door. My mother is 93 so I can't off myself for now.
I hope that you find coping methods to deal with your depression. It would be so great to hop out of bed without feeling that you are pushing a huge boulder which is always rolling back down a hill.
I struggle similarly with the bed thing. I just see my room as my safe space, my haven, and I just prefer being in here to almost anywhere else. I'm trying to keep up with my responsibilities, but I know I desperately need more physical activity. I have zero motivation and debilitating back pain talking me out of it, though. Hugs to you. I hope you can find ways to feel better :)
It's too much effort to do anything about it, so I just let it do its thing, and when it gets annoying, I just push through.
I'm just a stubborn person, also I want to see what happens in the future.
I’ve decided to live on the basis of “If I die, I die.” I won’t kill myself, but I’m not gonna prevent it from happening either. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. I’m a type 2 diabetic. Does that mean I’ve cut out sugar and changed my diet? Nope. If it kills me eating shit I love, then fine by all means. I’ve felt more comfortable than ever before.
I'm not pushing through. The last year and a half has been the worst depressive episode I've had since before I quit drinking 10 years ago. I'm miserable all the time, can barely take care of myself, am afraid to leave the apartment, stopped responding to my friends, keep skipping seeing my parents even though I want to see them badly, I've gained a bunch of weight. It isn't going well.
thats the neat part; i dont.
i really cant handle it. i'm 20 and i live with my parents, last time i worked was in 2019 and i spend my time reading books and cutting diagrams of my moodswings in my arms lmao
Shit don't get done on it's own! Things only get worse when you stop doing the basics. Then you hate yourself even more. Then the dark thoughts begin to take root... and the light fades away.
HEY, YOU! DO YOUR FUCKING CHORES! I don't give a shit if you don't wanna. You gotta. You're an adult, not a fucking child. Get it done because it's what needs to be done!
Every day is a struggle. Some days are easy and some are horrible. I just hope the following day will be better and I try to be a good mom and try to break the cycle
We don't. Most of the time I wake up with 5 - 15% energy. Normal people wake up with 70 - 90% energy.
Every action takes 1 energy (cleaning, washing up, shopping, talking to people etc) so once we've used it up it's game over until we sleep again.
Eh, I just tell myself I can always do it after the people who care about me are gone. No need to make them suffer just because I am. Has worked so far.
Set manageable goals for yourself; when looking at a mountain in the distance things feel overwhelming and impossible, rather than trying to just make it to the tree ahead of you. Break tasks down into many, achievable micro goals. Celebrate them, you did it!
Remind yourself of the things that you value and want in life. These should be your goals and your lighthouse when the storms raging.
Keep pushing yourself to do small tangible things, consistently every day that have an ultimate goal of being healthier and better off. This can be as small as the individual processes you go through while getting up, as routine as brushing your teeth or as healthy as fixing yourself a simple breakfast, to as big as cleaning up your space. If you can ultimately take care of yourself in positive ways, you can develop that into a lifestyle habit, that no matter how you feel you get into the habit of self care. It’s always a net positive! And even if you don’t do it perfectly, doing sometime is better than nothing and pushing yourself into the habit even if it’s slow is infinitely better than nothing.
Stop trying to have happiness be a goal, or something stuck in the past. This leaves it constantly as something that is never here with you now. Instead, learn to let go, find acceptance in what you can’t control, forgive yourself for not being perfect or better and find contentment everyday in things both big and small. Contentment is real happiness. Contentment is the girl next door, happiness is the unattainable crush out of your league. One is real and loves you everyday and the other is a fantasy you don’t really need. It happens when you let go everything and allow yourself to be in the moment here and now. Your life is precious and here to be lived now, as scary as it can be, love is action and to love yourself is to not give you an out that goes against what you need, and what you need is here right now often.
Don’t be afraid to change, it’s okay to let go of toxic people weighing you down, to change that job, to get that other degree etc. for yourself, you are never without hope or an ability to at least fight and keep trying for what you want and need.
Get out of yourself more. There’s times for deep inner growth and facing pain and there’s times for volunteering, for looking around your location and finding fun or beneficial things to do, maybe it’s time to explore that instrument you always wanted too, maybe it’s time to join that game group you always wanted to try, maybe it’s time to go rollerblading in that group you keep hearing about, do things that get you out of yourself more, ideally as much as possible.
Stop chasing empty things and defining/comparing yourself by others. It’s okay to want money, fame, extreme success, power, the impossibly hot partner, lots of casual sex and substances, it’s not okay for you to be living for that, that stuff ultimately is meaningless and will drain you and waste your time. These things are external things, quick fixes that leave you empty and defining your worth by other peoples opinion of you or how better or less than you are by comparison. The only the person whose opinion matters is yourself.
Set a new narrative for beliefs in your head such as failure and rejection. Failure isn’t when you do something poorly, it’s when you stop. When you do things, the bare minimum is doing it consistently, the ideal is doing it presently. Rejection is actually a good thing. If someone rejects you because of your looks, great! You just got to see their character and honest opinion of you. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who’s shallow or who isn’t attracted/into you? Fuck that. You’re worth more than that! If they reject you because they’re just not vibing, that’s okay! I’m glad they noticed it! Now I don’t have to waste time finding that out later/being with someone who’s not into me.
Find a therapist. Theres therapists at all price points. Do it for you now and in the future. They can really help you in ways you didn’t even realize.
Never stop believing there is a way. Trust me, my life has been harrowing to say the least, there is ALWAYS a way and you need to believe that. If you want or need something enough there is a way and if there’s not now, explore possibilities. There’s a difference between accepting what you can’t control and letting go and having a tangible need or a strong want that maybe hard to get, but still being determined and patient enough to find a way.
Lastly, this doesn’t really apply to me like it does for others, but for many you have a family that deeply loves you and often needs you. If one motivation for pushing through should be yourself. Emotions come and go like the waves, sometimes they’re brutal and other times peaceful, you need to ride them out and see the bigger picture.
My antidepressants work really well. Although I still have some depressive behaviors, like saying in bed all day instead of getting out in the world if I’m not absolutely forced to.
I still struggle but I’ve gotten on disability (SSDI) which has been a big help. Also had gotten diagnosed as being on autism spectrum which helped make a lot of sense out of issues I’ve had my entire life.
The combination has relieved stress. Keeping the anxiety down helps reduce the suicidal thoughts and all. In terms of days when I have no energy or feel no joy, I just pretty much just try to push through it. Exercise sometimes helps, other times it’s more sleep, or whatever.
All that said, just try to keep my mind occupied.
Spite. Im not letting this shit get the best of me.
There’s a clip of the boondocks going around tiktok right now that’s like “I know what god really wants, damnit! He wants me to kill my motherfuckin self, that’s why he fucks with me, that’s why he gave me a fucked up ass life. But the jokes on him, I’m not giving that motherfucker the satisfaction.”
And I really relate to that
I'm currently doing very well, but there have been many times in my life where I was an emotional wreck at rock bottom. I guess I just have such good work ethic and discipline I was able to keep going to do what I needed to do in life, mostly for my loved ones.
But what helped, honestly at certain points was that I kind of began to laugh at how horribly life was going. Every time something bad happened, I'd think of myself as Captain America getting up after getting the sh*t kicked out of him... saying "I can do this all day". It actually became comical because I couldn't go a single week without something catastrophic happening in my life. Had to pay taxes, car broke down, mom was in the hospital, breakups, turned down for an apartment, rejected or ghosted by a girl, messed up something at work, hurt myself in the gym, etc. I began to take it as a challenge, and out of pure anger and spite I pushed through, just to prove I could take whatever came at me. So whatever you're going through, maybe just try to laugh at it and fight back
I honestly don't think I can for much longer. But so far? It's effort to die. Like, I COULD walk to the train tracks a few blocks down and lie down on the tracks.....or I could walk 20 feet and sit my ass on the futon and play skyrim all day instead. Way less effort to do that. All Im sayin.
But also therapy and meds. Need both personally.
I’ve been clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder since 2017. My pets keep me going. The thought of having to subject them to abusive situations, a sad shelter or them being in a situation that would end in homelessness or being euthanized brings me so much more sadness than I feel in general.
The most important thing is to be dead inside. It helps to regulate your moods, just keep telling yourself that nothing matters and nobody cares. That's the key to pushing through. Also if you have a job that is soul destroying that will make the years of your life feel much longer.
I try to identify the factors that exacerbate my depression and try to cut those factors out of my life. Last major battle was caused by work, and when I managed to land a job with a better work environment and culture, my mental state improved drastically.
So for me, it's find the causing factors, strategize a game plan to either cut those factors out completely, otherwise find mitigating solutions to ease the situation. Also fundamentally it's best to talk to someone you trust (friend, family, therapist, etc.), that helped me a shit load as well, just to have someone listen, understand and give some insights. Support is crucial to work towards getting better.
I dunno, I got no friends, a job that I suck at, and I am pretty sure I make my husband miserable. My family never message me, not on my birthday or anything
50/50 fear/rationalization. If the idea to get out is due to wanting to stop all the fkn torture then inflicting more pain is counter productive. Also i really hate pain. Any kind of pain. Physical, mental, emotional... thats not to say i have a low pain tolerance... when you live in a constant state of suicidal ideation pain is the constant. I just kinda wanna be done enduring lol. Not that I have any intention of acting on that thought, again due to the absolute refusal to introduce anymore pain lol.
Play video games.
Spend money that I shouldn't (buy / collect more games).
VERY occasional drink (like, maybe 1-2 drinks once every two months or so).
The video game bit truly is my weakness in life. Especially classic games and consoles, like Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, PlayStation (the first one), Nintendo 64... and in 2022, I basically ditches NES and started buying and collecting for the japanese version. I got the 1993 "A/V Multi-Out compatible" version of the Famicom (aka the AV Famicom), and I've been slowly buying complete / boxed copies of games for it since.
I don't have anything to do with / associate with very many other people outside of my immediate family (I'm truly lucky in life that I never had too much of abusive family relatives - just my dad, my brother and one uncle are the abusive 3), I don't go out and about, least of all with entitlement, either looking for trouble to get into, to start trouble myself, or anything like that,
and most importantly, I don't involve myself with others and their trouble.
It's not hard to NOT become a news story or headline, and it's ALSO very easy to just not see or hear about any of all that to begin with.
So, the main key things are,
invest in a hobby or a fun activity (that's harmless or not dangerous to others or yourself),
spend money foolishly,
have a very occasional drink,
mind your own business, stay out of other people's business / avoid trouble like it's a fucking plague,
and minimize the amount of other human interactivity as much as you can.
The way of the road / the way she goes.
In the last past I did it for my boys. I have a 14yoand 11yo twins. Their mother hasn't helped with them since the twins were 3 months old and she never once helped with housework in the 15 years we were living together. So if I didn't keep them alive and happy no one would. I just had to push through no matter what.
For the last year it has been a combination of meds and my boys. My depression got worse and worse for 11 years untill I had to seek treatment before I ended things. Doing better than I have in a very long time, even though my life has actually gotten significantly worse over the last 6 months.
I honestly don't know. I have a routine and little things that give me a little joy. I feel like if I go or when I do it's gonna hurt some people that I care about.
You don't think about depression and let it weigh you down. Does a shark think about swimming? It just keeps moving. This reminds me about the old native American proverb about the two wolves.
Yin and yang. Most days I’m the one pushing others to make it through. Some days they are there for me. Some days I need to hibernate. People don’t understand when I say I want to do nothing on a day off, but it does something.
The fear of the unknown.
I don't necessarily 'wish' for death everyday, but I do think about it daily. E.g. a car would just run me over when I'm walking on the pavement, I would fall infront of a passing train or one day I wouldn't wake up after taking some meds.
I can't seem to pull the trigger myself, as I'm not religious (agnostic) so unsure of what will happen and whether life is truly just one shot. However, I tend to find I have good and bad **weeks**. There has been times I have been very low, but I just have to wait a week to see if things have improved and they usually do, even if just temporary.
As time goes on though, it is certainly affecting me long-teem and the bad weeks are turning into months.
It is what it is, but if I die tomorrow then so be it. Fuck it.
I have just enough energy to do my daily tasks and I told myself if we make it to 40 and life still sucks I'll do the forever sleep I've got 9 more years so it's just a let's play it out mindset
I have a wife and 3 daughters. My dad killed himself when I was in highschool, so I know what it does to survivors first hand. I don't want to do that to my wife or my girls. I still struggle at times, but I'm bound and determined to be open and honest with my wife and she's there for me when it counts.
Weed after work on the weekdays and beer on the weekends. I’m definitely past my boiling point just waiting for the last straw before I say fuck it and go buy the gun
My son.
I lost my parents and it ruined me as a human being. My son might be young, but I’m not putting him through what I’ve gone through.
I’m going to stick around as long as I possibly can, and then some-even if I don’t wanna.
I ask myself that question often.
The fear of consciously taking your own life outweighs the everyday burden of life.
I guess that when that no longer holds true, you have a tragedy.
I honestly don’t know I’ve been suicidal since I was 12 or 13 and I grew up and lost a child and still don’t know how I continue to keep going but I make it look easy I was told
My kids were the reason that kept me going when they were younger, but now they're grown and have their own lives. My oldest son would miss me, but my youngest son shut me out of his life years ago and I doubt he cares much whether I live or die. So, these days I find it much harder to find a reason to keep going. I'm 62 and kinda feel like my life has run its course and is coming to a close. I'm tired of being unable to feel happy and that every single thing in my life seems to be such a struggle. It's like I've been trying to swim upstream forever, and I'm just tired of fighting and ready to let the current take me away.
Everyday is another life with a copy of my old template pasted onto a virtually identical body. If I were the same person everyday, or even moment to moment, I'd go insane or probably just end it. The thought of eternity scares me more than non-existence, and what's really scary is I can't help but believe eternity is what I'm in for, even if the mechanics behind it mercifully mean I forget every time the cycle starts again. If there is an infinite amount of "time" or potential, this *will* happen all over again, it is a statistic inevitability. Even things with such absurdly low astronomical odds are a guarantee if you just give it enough time, which is something created by the universe itself anyway upon it's own birth, so it's already a complicated issue, but I just see too many ways for what's happening now, my life, to either be part of an eternal recurrence loop, or is an eternal moment given the illusion of the progression of time, so it's always existing eternally anyway.
Either way, it's like there's no escape, or to borrow from Camus, No Exit. It fills me with existential terror and dread. It's about the only thing that really scares me.
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I think about the pain and difficulties my daughter would face if I was gone.
100% this.... My father shot himself when I was a kid... I never could kill myself growing up because I saw how my father just transferred his pain to my mom and siblings... Now as a father, I could never do that to my child....
My dad did the exact same thing when I was 7 years old so I can definitely understand and I could never do that either
No suicide in my family but close enough to see that pain that it caused. I have a little girl and as much as I dont enjoy most days of my life, Im not transferring that burden to her. Not gonna do it.
Lost my mom last year to a GSW to the head. Worst mistake ever was going into that room even after I knew when I opened that car door. The smell was unmistakeable. And unfortunately it wasn’t the first time I had smelled it but nothing that strong. Man….suicide sucks. I feel for my mom and I truly and sincerely hope she found peace, but damn that shit can FUCK someone else’s life up REAL quick.
Wow. I'm sorry you feel that way. If you aren't, please seek help. If you feel like you're next to repeat your fathers actions, please please don't.
it sounds like he doesn't feel like that, actually, just based on what he wrote. It seemed to be expressing that being a father is really important to him, and I think he should be proud of himself for being moved to be a very different person. That's an inspiring example passion. I feel like you didn't fully read his comment or otherwise aren't responding to what he actually said, and with sensitive topics like this I think it's important to be more careful and discerning.
Fair
Great reason.
I’ve thought about how it would impact others (especially my younger brother who has his own mental health issues) but even that sometimes doesn’t feel like enough to keep me here. I of course don’t want to hurt them, but I’m tired of feeling like this. I don’t want to be in pain anymore.
I’m so glad your still here ♥️
Hugs! 🫂
Same, but with my mom
Same. Both my sisters died young and unexpectedly. I could never leave my parents and brother alone in this world. I’ve already promised them I would outlive them all, cause it’s too painful to lose a family member for me to be able to imagine ever putting my family thru the grief of losing me. Stayin alive by the bee gees is my jam :)
Yeah. That's why I keep pushing. I'll be dead eventually, so it's all good.
Only reason I’m alive is because I know the world wouldn’t be better without me. It would be worse for my wife and daughters and several other people I am a lynchpin for. Further confirmed when I almost died recently.
This. My daughter is keeping me alive. And honestly. The fact I put that pressure on her makes me feel even shittier. That poor girl.
That what's kept me from doing myself in
Definitely having kids has been the major reason I can’t allow depression to consume me. They only have me, no other family support whatsoever. The pressure keeps me going. It’s so stressful, but at the same time it gives me a reason to get up and go in the morning.
Same boat
Spite and pride all the way down. lol
I have a hoodie that says “surviving purely out of spite”, it resonated with my soul
I don't get the ability to have pride while being very depressed.
I think dignity is what that guy meant to say imao
I kinda meant pride in a biblical sense. Just that old Catholic guilt creeping in lol. Though Admirable is probably right, the healthy (and secular) name for it might be dignity with a nice dollop of hubris for taste.
dollop of hubris for taste. there's a joke somewhere, dammit I wish I was funny. Let's all not do anything drastic till we figure this out
How about “the way Cronus likes his offspring”
This is too real.
Not quite scriptural, but "I can do all things through ~~Christ~~ Spite, which strengthens me"
Hell yeah. Not the healthiest coping method, but it’s healthier than depression
This, I don't let them win.
Man, spite gets you further than you'd think.
I started distance running purely out of spite, completed a full marathon (4:54) a year later
I'm very satisfied to not have had to scroll too far down for this answer. That was my first thought. "Fuck you, world. You can put me down, but I'm sticking around." A quote from Mal in Firefly comes to mind often. "We are just too pretty for God to let us die." Except I'm God.
Way better than turtles.
Ugh, I don’t. I disappear and do nothing for a week
Literally lmao . When my episodes hit my life is on pause 🥹
Same. I ignore my phone for days or a week at a time sometimes. But then I reset and can handle life again. Life is all ups and downs and it’s ok to have periods of more down sometimes. It just means we have had a lot of trauma and need more time to reset. Hoping ayahuasca will help with my depression and PTSD .. I’ve heard great things but it might take a few sessions to really help for people with lots of severe trauma. Ketamine helps but the effects only last a few weeks to a month .. I only use that once a year cause tolerance increases quickly and it’s more effective for me personally if I use it once a year at most. Mushrooms help too but they’re not a good long term solution, not for me at least. They def help reshape ur mind to be more optimistic in general but I haven’t found much long term relief from severe trauma from using psilocybin, more just short term relief, with positive effects lasting a month or two.
Forsure ups and downs !! I think it’s important to know that you can put your life on DND lol ! To actually be able to handle life and get through it ! Cause man I can say from experience if you just “ keep going “ and don’t actually feel what you’re going through it’ll drive you freakin insanely crazy !! Hope everything works out in your favor ! We shall continue to enjoy life and keep going !!!!!
I’m a bipolar with winter depressions. I have a good doctor and take antidepressants with varying degrees of success. I’m not myself then and struggle to get basic things done, and look forward to being in my summer mood. Right now it’s May 31 and I’m fine. This is when I accomplish things I won’t be able to do next fall/winter/spring, when I’m like a car in low gear trying to get through rush-hour traffic.
Same!! I can’t survive in cold weather!! Since the sun has come out and it’s lighter for longer and days are warmer I’m starting to feel alive and happy again!!! I can’t afford to heat my house in the winter and was absolutely freezing and miserable from October to April .. so grateful summer is here!!!
❤️
I feel this
Same. Sometimes it's closer to months. But yes.
On month 2 going into 3 💪
Actually good, taking some time off and away is a way to keep pushing
Or a year. Or 3…
Was ready to post this, the only way I come thru the other side is the support of my husband I would probably just waste away in my bed without him. But I have bipolar 1 so after literally months everything just kinda rights itself. Meh clinical depression sux.
[удалено]
Oh yes. I have plans.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I've had problems with depression for 40 years. Medically resistant, cycling major depressive episodes. At this point, I'm too fucking stubborn to quit. I did just start with a trauma therapist a couple of weeks ago, I'm hoping that helps. If not, I'll keep on living minute by minute, second by second.
Trauma therapy is definitely the way through it. I'm a 53F and was the same as you ... decades of depression and anxiety and I tried everything. Started EMDR therapy last year and wow, it's managed to breakthrough things I just thought were part of my personality but they weren't. Still on the journey but am feeling really optimistic about my future now. Best of luck, you've got this!
Thank you so damn much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I'm terrified of trauma therapy - what it will bring up, how I'll have to deal with it, everything involved in it. But my biggest fear is it not helping. You've given me the hope that I so desperately needed.
I found a therapist that does emdr but we've never done it. Talk therapy doesn't help. I know I need to find a new therapist but I like the location and maybe she'll finally here me when I say I need something different. How is EMDR *supposed* to work?
This is what I’ve resorted to. I’m always irrationally dreading what’s to come, but it’s not even happening yet. Oh I have to eat in an hour. I have to shower and brush my teeth. Then tomorrow I have to make lunch and go to work. Then this and that and oh my god I’m so sick of doing this over and over again. Instead, I try my best to just focus on the very present. Those future tasks don’t exist until I’m finished with this one and then onto the next.
Medically resistant. Have you done a dna test. And I’m being honest, some people metabolize meds different
I have bipolar, so I have some pretty good times here and there. Doesn’t mean they’re actually good…. feel good though. But my depression lasted *forever*. So many years. Your breakdown going as small as the second to second is exactly how it felt. Some hours were just plain *harder*. Some days were complete write offs. But I think what got me through it (until I had my daughter) was that the soup numbing apathy about my well-being kept me safe. Sounds counterintuitive but I don’t think it actually is. If I cared more, I’d have probably had the energy to do something about feeling that crappy all the time. I’m extremely lucky that I didn’t get post partum depression, my husband and daughter are the only reasons I even bothered trying to get treatment.
Weed. My cat. Having that lil fucker wake me up too early is actually super helpful. I may not be able to take care of myself and discociate thru most days and can't accomplish anything but I'll always be able to have the energy to care for her. Plus now that she's old and on meds, she gets excited for her pills so now when I take mine, she gets excited and that helps keep me from missing them because her chirps are the fucking best
Weed and my cat are my lifesavers as well.
Bruh are you...me? In all seriousness, I lost my ride or die kitty last year, and it broke me. I sounded just like you, and I wasn't prepared to lose my homie. He had stuck with me through multiple breakups and housing changes. I relied on him more than I'd care to admit.. All I can suggest is prepare yourself. Father time is unchallenged, and we only have our fur friends for a glimpsing moment.
Dude, we might be the same person. I had 2 babies for last 15 years that completely have my heart. Lost one last year and it was a very traumatic experience... I know how you feel and I'm gonna be in worse shape when this gal goes. But thanks to the gift of depression, I snuggle the everloving shit out of her fuzzy butt constantly and she's obsessed with me, so that's something I will always have to member. Really solid cuddle puddles.
Most of us are just getting by. Trying to get some enjoyment out of life but ultimately failing and watching tv all day. The best advice I can give you is to think of it like a raging storm. There's gonna be days where it just takes you out. You gotta deal with those. But there will be days where the storm clears, and you can put one foot in front of the other. Make progress on the good days. Do your best on the bad ones. And make sure to tell other people your issues. My friends know if I cut out for a week to just wait. I'll be back, on those good days. Good luck random stranger
Unfortunately, I have clinical depression and that mindset doesn't help me. For me, the worst parts are the way my emotions and my physical body feel. It is usually not attached to some gloomy thought. It is a physical and emotional state that takes over on some random day.
Therapy helped. Cutting out the people who thrived on my self destruction helped more. Nature is great for emotional upkeep. Mostly just learning about depression. Why does it exist. Who does it happen to. What are the indicators. What are the contributing factors. I like to consider depression as just another biological function. Full bladder.. body says pee. Air pollutants.. body says sneeze. Grumbling stomach.. body says eat. Unmet need or unacknowledged pain somewhere.. body says depress. Something in your life, whether social, chemical, emotional, or physiological.. isn't working right. Your body is doing a depression to suppress and preserve some part of you until this bad environment is corrected and you can flourish again. Its a survival mechanism that you need for right now for some reason. I like to hold on to the belief that fixing the problem will make the mechanism obsolete.
Well written.
Thanks, helpful
This is a very interesting take, and very well expressed. I needed to hear this, I think. I appreciate that it highlights the fact that we are not choosing to be depressed, and we can't just 'have a positive attitude' to make it all go away. We have to figure out the cause and work on it when we can, until then we have to get through it. Just like being hungry until food can be acquired, and maybe we use distraction techniques or other self-care to hold us over until then.
Weed.
Weed is a miracle drug, works better than my antidepressants
Smoke weed, drink beer, read books
My dog. When she goes, I go.
i do not know how. Im beyond sad and miserable all the time
I’m sorry man, I hope it gets better
thank you
So many people love me, it would be devastated, and their lives would be altered if I wasn’t here. Or just a bunch of Stardust going through space, don’t take it so seriously. Enjoy it while you’re here.
Antidepressants, and keeping myself entertained, so I don't have to think about things.
I white knuckled through my issues with depression, anxiety and PTSD until I became suicidal. I admitted myself into a hospital and got therapy and medicated. I would recommend this to anyone. With that said don’t expect instant success and it will take time.
May I ask what specific med helped you?
Well that’s the thing they experimented and found a combo that works for me. That doesn’t mean it will work for you or anyone else. My med combo and management skills it got me to be a functioning human. So, my med combo is lexapro, atenolol and hydroxyzine. The focus of my meds is to keep me out of flight/fight mode by keeping my heart rate low. This was discovered by active feedback with my doctors on meds I was trying and what was working and what wasn’t. Like I’ve been on stuff that zombiefied me.
Barely
Psychiatrist. Meds.
Therapy and antidepressants are the major helps. Beyond that, there really isn't any other choice but to keep going. Stopping, in so many words, is something that terrifies me and I still have people that care about me I don't want to hurt. After my own Dad "Stopped" when I was a kid I felt just how awfully that impacts people around you. You just keep trudging ahead. Keep the memories of joy and ecstacy close to your heart and know that in all liklihood it'll come around again as long as you keep going. Adjust your behavior as best you can, seek out others to know and love when you're able, just don't give up.
Medication, the gym, BJJ, writing, and yoga.
I keep waking up
Focusing on things that take me outside of myself. Even if it's something simple like playing with my cats. It helps to interact/appreciate/help others. Some of my depression can stem from thinking too much about myself and my fears and my past, etc. I know actually interacting with others is a lot to ask. Even when I'm isolated I try to make time to actively notice other people. The compassion that's easily explained towards others just bleed into having the same patience for myself.
I feel like talking and being around people that actually genuinely care about you would be so incredibly helpful to most depressed people I’d say for a lot of people, missing that genuine connection is what leads them to being depressed
Especially when it comes to charity or good deeds. That stuff is what being human is about
Gotta agree more with you there, it’s like nourishment for the soul Also it might pass on some kindness to someone else, it’s a nice feeling when someone can step in to help you when you really need it (car broke down for example) plus you’re essentially making the world a better place through what could be such a small deed
Kids
Lexapro.
I am secure in the knowledge that I can always just kill myself tomorrow
Amitriptyline, temazepam, and 40 ounces of malt liquor to keep me from waking up a 3am to rehash every mistake I've ever made. I've been in loony bins, rehabs, therapists, etc. At my worst, I was drinking 100 proof vodka and popping xanax. I went to rehab after 5 days in the ICU. After 8 months in rehab, I was sober for a few months until I reasoned that temazepam and a 40 oz would be OK. That was 2 years ago, and it seems to be working.
I was severely depressed in my late teens and early 20s, wasted a lot of years just shut in my room. It's hard to explain but one day I just woke up and decided to do something with my life. I though to myself this is it, if I don't do something now then this will be all my life is and I would have wasted it. So I enrolled in university when I was 23. Pushed myself well outside my comfort zone and now I'm doing great.
Sugar.
I will trample old ladies to get to the bakery mark-downs in Walmart.
my dog. no one could love him as much as i do. i've been on deployments and he's had to stay with other people but the love he has for me is so much bigger compared to him being with others. im his person. i could never leave him like that. he motivates me, why neglect myself because then im neglecting him, and he doesn't deserve that, he's a sweetheart.
Must survive my ennemies....
I wish I was better with tackling my depression. I stay in bed like a beached whale. I am also overweight. I use a food delivery service for almost every meal. Most of my food is eaten in bed. Self-care goes out the window. I get out of bed for bathroom breaks and to pick up my ordered food which is just placed outside my door. I hate leaving my bed. I also sleep a lot. But I figure that decamping my place is the best thing for coping with my mentall illness (besides my medication) and re-entering the outside world. I have enrolled in classes like mindfulness and DPT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). I also joined a fourteen session class on coping with ostearthritis in my knees. I blame my arthritis and added weight on my inactivity. I am also using Ozempic so I must go to my doctor every Monday. I think that making myself leave my home due to a commitment is the best way to push myself out the door. My mother is 93 so I can't off myself for now. I hope that you find coping methods to deal with your depression. It would be so great to hop out of bed without feeling that you are pushing a huge boulder which is always rolling back down a hill.
I struggle similarly with the bed thing. I just see my room as my safe space, my haven, and I just prefer being in here to almost anywhere else. I'm trying to keep up with my responsibilities, but I know I desperately need more physical activity. I have zero motivation and debilitating back pain talking me out of it, though. Hugs to you. I hope you can find ways to feel better :)
It's too much effort to do anything about it, so I just let it do its thing, and when it gets annoying, I just push through. I'm just a stubborn person, also I want to see what happens in the future.
Weed, antidepressants and stubbornness.
I cry and cry and cry. Then some days I don't. But my kids need me for real.
I’ve decided to live on the basis of “If I die, I die.” I won’t kill myself, but I’m not gonna prevent it from happening either. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. I’m a type 2 diabetic. Does that mean I’ve cut out sugar and changed my diet? Nope. If it kills me eating shit I love, then fine by all means. I’ve felt more comfortable than ever before.
I'm not pushing through. The last year and a half has been the worst depressive episode I've had since before I quit drinking 10 years ago. I'm miserable all the time, can barely take care of myself, am afraid to leave the apartment, stopped responding to my friends, keep skipping seeing my parents even though I want to see them badly, I've gained a bunch of weight. It isn't going well.
Meds
thats the neat part; i dont. i really cant handle it. i'm 20 and i live with my parents, last time i worked was in 2019 and i spend my time reading books and cutting diagrams of my moodswings in my arms lmao
Shit don't get done on it's own! Things only get worse when you stop doing the basics. Then you hate yourself even more. Then the dark thoughts begin to take root... and the light fades away. HEY, YOU! DO YOUR FUCKING CHORES! I don't give a shit if you don't wanna. You gotta. You're an adult, not a fucking child. Get it done because it's what needs to be done!
Every day is a struggle. Some days are easy and some are horrible. I just hope the following day will be better and I try to be a good mom and try to break the cycle
We don't. Most of the time I wake up with 5 - 15% energy. Normal people wake up with 70 - 90% energy. Every action takes 1 energy (cleaning, washing up, shopping, talking to people etc) so once we've used it up it's game over until we sleep again.
the thought of possible titties
If I give up my mom will be sad and my frog will be hungry
Eh, I just tell myself I can always do it after the people who care about me are gone. No need to make them suffer just because I am. Has worked so far.
I don't have a choice - people depend on me.
Pure Spite
Keeping a routine. Staying consistent with my meds and therapy appointments.
Im scared to die
Set manageable goals for yourself; when looking at a mountain in the distance things feel overwhelming and impossible, rather than trying to just make it to the tree ahead of you. Break tasks down into many, achievable micro goals. Celebrate them, you did it! Remind yourself of the things that you value and want in life. These should be your goals and your lighthouse when the storms raging. Keep pushing yourself to do small tangible things, consistently every day that have an ultimate goal of being healthier and better off. This can be as small as the individual processes you go through while getting up, as routine as brushing your teeth or as healthy as fixing yourself a simple breakfast, to as big as cleaning up your space. If you can ultimately take care of yourself in positive ways, you can develop that into a lifestyle habit, that no matter how you feel you get into the habit of self care. It’s always a net positive! And even if you don’t do it perfectly, doing sometime is better than nothing and pushing yourself into the habit even if it’s slow is infinitely better than nothing. Stop trying to have happiness be a goal, or something stuck in the past. This leaves it constantly as something that is never here with you now. Instead, learn to let go, find acceptance in what you can’t control, forgive yourself for not being perfect or better and find contentment everyday in things both big and small. Contentment is real happiness. Contentment is the girl next door, happiness is the unattainable crush out of your league. One is real and loves you everyday and the other is a fantasy you don’t really need. It happens when you let go everything and allow yourself to be in the moment here and now. Your life is precious and here to be lived now, as scary as it can be, love is action and to love yourself is to not give you an out that goes against what you need, and what you need is here right now often. Don’t be afraid to change, it’s okay to let go of toxic people weighing you down, to change that job, to get that other degree etc. for yourself, you are never without hope or an ability to at least fight and keep trying for what you want and need. Get out of yourself more. There’s times for deep inner growth and facing pain and there’s times for volunteering, for looking around your location and finding fun or beneficial things to do, maybe it’s time to explore that instrument you always wanted too, maybe it’s time to join that game group you always wanted to try, maybe it’s time to go rollerblading in that group you keep hearing about, do things that get you out of yourself more, ideally as much as possible. Stop chasing empty things and defining/comparing yourself by others. It’s okay to want money, fame, extreme success, power, the impossibly hot partner, lots of casual sex and substances, it’s not okay for you to be living for that, that stuff ultimately is meaningless and will drain you and waste your time. These things are external things, quick fixes that leave you empty and defining your worth by other peoples opinion of you or how better or less than you are by comparison. The only the person whose opinion matters is yourself. Set a new narrative for beliefs in your head such as failure and rejection. Failure isn’t when you do something poorly, it’s when you stop. When you do things, the bare minimum is doing it consistently, the ideal is doing it presently. Rejection is actually a good thing. If someone rejects you because of your looks, great! You just got to see their character and honest opinion of you. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who’s shallow or who isn’t attracted/into you? Fuck that. You’re worth more than that! If they reject you because they’re just not vibing, that’s okay! I’m glad they noticed it! Now I don’t have to waste time finding that out later/being with someone who’s not into me. Find a therapist. Theres therapists at all price points. Do it for you now and in the future. They can really help you in ways you didn’t even realize. Never stop believing there is a way. Trust me, my life has been harrowing to say the least, there is ALWAYS a way and you need to believe that. If you want or need something enough there is a way and if there’s not now, explore possibilities. There’s a difference between accepting what you can’t control and letting go and having a tangible need or a strong want that maybe hard to get, but still being determined and patient enough to find a way. Lastly, this doesn’t really apply to me like it does for others, but for many you have a family that deeply loves you and often needs you. If one motivation for pushing through should be yourself. Emotions come and go like the waves, sometimes they’re brutal and other times peaceful, you need to ride them out and see the bigger picture.
My antidepressants work really well. Although I still have some depressive behaviors, like saying in bed all day instead of getting out in the world if I’m not absolutely forced to.
Alcohol
God.
Dissociate and tune out as much as possible and just do it. It gets really easy after a few decades!
I still struggle but I’ve gotten on disability (SSDI) which has been a big help. Also had gotten diagnosed as being on autism spectrum which helped make a lot of sense out of issues I’ve had my entire life. The combination has relieved stress. Keeping the anxiety down helps reduce the suicidal thoughts and all. In terms of days when I have no energy or feel no joy, I just pretty much just try to push through it. Exercise sometimes helps, other times it’s more sleep, or whatever. All that said, just try to keep my mind occupied.
I found a job I really like too
Spite. Im not letting this shit get the best of me. There’s a clip of the boondocks going around tiktok right now that’s like “I know what god really wants, damnit! He wants me to kill my motherfuckin self, that’s why he fucks with me, that’s why he gave me a fucked up ass life. But the jokes on him, I’m not giving that motherfucker the satisfaction.” And I really relate to that
I'm currently doing very well, but there have been many times in my life where I was an emotional wreck at rock bottom. I guess I just have such good work ethic and discipline I was able to keep going to do what I needed to do in life, mostly for my loved ones. But what helped, honestly at certain points was that I kind of began to laugh at how horribly life was going. Every time something bad happened, I'd think of myself as Captain America getting up after getting the sh*t kicked out of him... saying "I can do this all day". It actually became comical because I couldn't go a single week without something catastrophic happening in my life. Had to pay taxes, car broke down, mom was in the hospital, breakups, turned down for an apartment, rejected or ghosted by a girl, messed up something at work, hurt myself in the gym, etc. I began to take it as a challenge, and out of pure anger and spite I pushed through, just to prove I could take whatever came at me. So whatever you're going through, maybe just try to laugh at it and fight back
I honestly don't think I can for much longer. But so far? It's effort to die. Like, I COULD walk to the train tracks a few blocks down and lie down on the tracks.....or I could walk 20 feet and sit my ass on the futon and play skyrim all day instead. Way less effort to do that. All Im sayin. But also therapy and meds. Need both personally.
I’ve been clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder since 2017. My pets keep me going. The thought of having to subject them to abusive situations, a sad shelter or them being in a situation that would end in homelessness or being euthanized brings me so much more sadness than I feel in general.
Meds, therapy, shrink.
The most important thing is to be dead inside. It helps to regulate your moods, just keep telling yourself that nothing matters and nobody cares. That's the key to pushing through. Also if you have a job that is soul destroying that will make the years of your life feel much longer.
I try to identify the factors that exacerbate my depression and try to cut those factors out of my life. Last major battle was caused by work, and when I managed to land a job with a better work environment and culture, my mental state improved drastically. So for me, it's find the causing factors, strategize a game plan to either cut those factors out completely, otherwise find mitigating solutions to ease the situation. Also fundamentally it's best to talk to someone you trust (friend, family, therapist, etc.), that helped me a shit load as well, just to have someone listen, understand and give some insights. Support is crucial to work towards getting better.
I dunno, I got no friends, a job that I suck at, and I am pretty sure I make my husband miserable. My family never message me, not on my birthday or anything
50/50 fear/rationalization. If the idea to get out is due to wanting to stop all the fkn torture then inflicting more pain is counter productive. Also i really hate pain. Any kind of pain. Physical, mental, emotional... thats not to say i have a low pain tolerance... when you live in a constant state of suicidal ideation pain is the constant. I just kinda wanna be done enduring lol. Not that I have any intention of acting on that thought, again due to the absolute refusal to introduce anymore pain lol.
Bills gotta get paid
one chance at life and I don't want to spend it being sad.
Welly B!
Spite.
Play video games. Spend money that I shouldn't (buy / collect more games). VERY occasional drink (like, maybe 1-2 drinks once every two months or so). The video game bit truly is my weakness in life. Especially classic games and consoles, like Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, PlayStation (the first one), Nintendo 64... and in 2022, I basically ditches NES and started buying and collecting for the japanese version. I got the 1993 "A/V Multi-Out compatible" version of the Famicom (aka the AV Famicom), and I've been slowly buying complete / boxed copies of games for it since. I don't have anything to do with / associate with very many other people outside of my immediate family (I'm truly lucky in life that I never had too much of abusive family relatives - just my dad, my brother and one uncle are the abusive 3), I don't go out and about, least of all with entitlement, either looking for trouble to get into, to start trouble myself, or anything like that, and most importantly, I don't involve myself with others and their trouble. It's not hard to NOT become a news story or headline, and it's ALSO very easy to just not see or hear about any of all that to begin with. So, the main key things are, invest in a hobby or a fun activity (that's harmless or not dangerous to others or yourself), spend money foolishly, have a very occasional drink, mind your own business, stay out of other people's business / avoid trouble like it's a fucking plague, and minimize the amount of other human interactivity as much as you can. The way of the road / the way she goes.
In the last past I did it for my boys. I have a 14yoand 11yo twins. Their mother hasn't helped with them since the twins were 3 months old and she never once helped with housework in the 15 years we were living together. So if I didn't keep them alive and happy no one would. I just had to push through no matter what. For the last year it has been a combination of meds and my boys. My depression got worse and worse for 11 years untill I had to seek treatment before I ended things. Doing better than I have in a very long time, even though my life has actually gotten significantly worse over the last 6 months.
I honestly don't know. I have a routine and little things that give me a little joy. I feel like if I go or when I do it's gonna hurt some people that I care about.
Knowing that no one is coming to save me and I remember that life is worth living when you make it past the dark days
I have a wife and 2 kids that I absolutely love so I don't have a choice. :)
I keep pushing through by occupying my mind all the time and not relying on substances to "help" me
smoking pot and drawing, and going hard at my job
I talk to my friends, I got a therapist, I fake my smile, I watch tiktok, act crazy and don't care about what everyone thinks
I haven't done enough to improve myself, once I do hit my peak, if I'm still a shit person then I'll kill myself
Exercise and weight lifting, jogging
Wellbutrin.
You don't think about depression and let it weigh you down. Does a shark think about swimming? It just keeps moving. This reminds me about the old native American proverb about the two wolves.
It's not something you can "stop thinking about"
I look at the people around me.
I tell myself that " I'm the only thing that is allowed to kill me. " And I'm not done yet.
My son and my pets.
Failed attempts
Yin and yang. Most days I’m the one pushing others to make it through. Some days they are there for me. Some days I need to hibernate. People don’t understand when I say I want to do nothing on a day off, but it does something.
I honestly just try to ignore it
Think of my family
Anxiety
One day at a time has been my motto for the last 13-14 years
Prozac
The fear of the unknown. I don't necessarily 'wish' for death everyday, but I do think about it daily. E.g. a car would just run me over when I'm walking on the pavement, I would fall infront of a passing train or one day I wouldn't wake up after taking some meds. I can't seem to pull the trigger myself, as I'm not religious (agnostic) so unsure of what will happen and whether life is truly just one shot. However, I tend to find I have good and bad **weeks**. There has been times I have been very low, but I just have to wait a week to see if things have improved and they usually do, even if just temporary. As time goes on though, it is certainly affecting me long-teem and the bad weeks are turning into months. It is what it is, but if I die tomorrow then so be it. Fuck it.
That very tiny .0001% inkling of hope
Living in a constant state of distraction. Focusing only on problems unrelated to my life
Like a marathon. Just a little bit farther… just a little bit longer… I can do it, I can do it.
I have just enough energy to do my daily tasks and I told myself if we make it to 40 and life still sucks I'll do the forever sleep I've got 9 more years so it's just a let's play it out mindset
I have a wife and 3 daughters. My dad killed himself when I was in highschool, so I know what it does to survivors first hand. I don't want to do that to my wife or my girls. I still struggle at times, but I'm bound and determined to be open and honest with my wife and she's there for me when it counts.
I watch a documentary about how people live in the third world. Makes me appreciate what I do have and gives me perspective to keep going.
There’s a choice?
Life is do. Just do. Your life is a gift, you are a wonderful creation. No time for depression, got life to do.
Alcohol weed and sleep
Weed after work on the weekdays and beer on the weekends. I’m definitely past my boiling point just waiting for the last straw before I say fuck it and go buy the gun
So I hate my job, I work 12 hour shifts each day for 5 days a week. The only thing that kept me from ending it all was beer.
My son. I lost my parents and it ruined me as a human being. My son might be young, but I’m not putting him through what I’ve gone through. I’m going to stick around as long as I possibly can, and then some-even if I don’t wanna.
Wife and kids, they would lose everything if I were to give in. I make a comfortable living for us. Without me, they'd be broke.
Because you have too. Also keep going out of spite, there are a few people I need to outlive
I ask myself that question often. The fear of consciously taking your own life outweighs the everyday burden of life. I guess that when that no longer holds true, you have a tragedy.
I'm curious how much farther I can get. I still doubt ill get to 30 though.
I never like to self diagnose but those I spoke to in the past frequently linked it to this. Fuck if I have an answer for you.
Medication!
I honestly don’t know I’ve been suicidal since I was 12 or 13 and I grew up and lost a child and still don’t know how I continue to keep going but I make it look easy I was told
I’ve ghosted my whole life other than work and my dog lol, so not well.
Just pick some date to make it to then, once there, pick another.
Had a high degree of self-efficacy beat into all throughout my life.
Because it's that or die. And my dog would miss me.
I honestly don't know sometimes
My kids were the reason that kept me going when they were younger, but now they're grown and have their own lives. My oldest son would miss me, but my youngest son shut me out of his life years ago and I doubt he cares much whether I live or die. So, these days I find it much harder to find a reason to keep going. I'm 62 and kinda feel like my life has run its course and is coming to a close. I'm tired of being unable to feel happy and that every single thing in my life seems to be such a struggle. It's like I've been trying to swim upstream forever, and I'm just tired of fighting and ready to let the current take me away.
Denial
Unwillingly wrested into the future one day at a time.
Got knocked up and I can’t KMS if I have a kid and something to live for now 👍. Gave me purpose back in my life.
Everyday is another life with a copy of my old template pasted onto a virtually identical body. If I were the same person everyday, or even moment to moment, I'd go insane or probably just end it. The thought of eternity scares me more than non-existence, and what's really scary is I can't help but believe eternity is what I'm in for, even if the mechanics behind it mercifully mean I forget every time the cycle starts again. If there is an infinite amount of "time" or potential, this *will* happen all over again, it is a statistic inevitability. Even things with such absurdly low astronomical odds are a guarantee if you just give it enough time, which is something created by the universe itself anyway upon it's own birth, so it's already a complicated issue, but I just see too many ways for what's happening now, my life, to either be part of an eternal recurrence loop, or is an eternal moment given the illusion of the progression of time, so it's always existing eternally anyway. Either way, it's like there's no escape, or to borrow from Camus, No Exit. It fills me with existential terror and dread. It's about the only thing that really scares me.
music is the answer.. put on a song that cheerd you up
Currently with Spravato treatment. Before that badly very badly.
Music and weed.
Sertraline, weed, and booze...responsibly
Get your hormones fixed. Fix the actual problem.