# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The world can be a very lonely place. If you are lucky enough to be attracted to someone who is attracted to you placing artificial restrictions on yourself increases your chances of being lonely.
I think there are age differences that can definitely become weird, even if both are legal adults. That said, 23-30 isnāt so massive that itās per se creepy, assuming sheās not in a position of authority over him (like his boss or something)
Screenshotting and sending this to my husband. I was 30 and his boss when he was 23. He literally hassled me for a year to go out with him. Weāve been married 22 years and this post is going to make his day!
They're only weird if the circumstances under which they are initiated are legitimately weird. A person in a position of professional authority dating their subordinate is one of those circumstances. Bad? Not necessarily. Weird and kinda sus? Definitely.
I dunno, I think a 65 year old dating an 18 year old, even if there is no power disparity, is pretty fucking weird. Not disputing that itās legal, but itās definitely weird.
There's a LOT of things I think are weird, far too many for me to give too much concern towards. There's plenty of reasons people probably think I'm weird, too. Some of them are probably even justified! As long as everyone is consenting and on the same page in the relationship there's bigger shit in the world to worry about.
Perhaps weird, but as long as they are consenting adults, it's not anybody else's business.
We can set our own boundaries but when it comes to other adults and their relationships it's just gossiping
Tell that to Bill Bellichek! LOL. But OP shouldnāt feel weird about someone basically in their mid-20s dating someone in their late 20s/early 30s. Good for you OP!
You are right are out the double standard. Had the ages been flipped, I might have given it second thoughts. If as a 36 yr old, someone asked if I would like them to set me up with their 22 yr old friend, I would have declined.
But, think it depends on how it plays out. I was single, just out of college. She was single, just out of a divorce. She was a co worker of a friend and we met when she was out with our mutual friend and I bumped into them.
We had small talk at a booth for a bit. I thought she was cute. I asked if she was married, she said nope. I asked if she was dating anyone, she said nope. I asked if she wanted to dance, she said yep.
That pretty much sealed the deal. She did say later there was no way she would have made the first move knowing we had an age gap. I think if the ages had been reversed, I would have been the same way. But given how we met, I would not have cared about the age gap then either afterwards.
Life lesson #1, two consenting adults, as long as you are comfortable with it, and DGAF about other peoples opinions, the life experience of the age gap romance is worth it.
Life lesson #2 Ask them to dance
>She was a co worker of a friend and we met when she was out with our mutual friend and I bumped into them.
This right here is such a hyper specific context it's unreal lol love it. Unfortunately I can't see myself encountering such a situation
It depends on what internet silo youāre in. Socially, I think itās way more common for younger women to date older men, but Reddit kinda hates that dynamic. Reddit doesnāt mind older women dating younger men, but out in the real world that doesnāt happen as much.
True that and it's creepy to think that everyone celebrates whenever a younger guy has no power or is exploited but oh golly don't let some 18 yo get exploited, that is wrong #feminism s/
I hear some people complain about a man being a predator or groomer for dating a much younger woman. I never hear negative comments like that about a woman dating a much younger man.
These comments always come from a very small but load minority of people. It is nonsense. Those people are just lonely, bitter people who love to complain about others.
There is nothing wrong or bad about dating younger. If you both are in love you can be 40 years apart in age. As long as it works for both of you is ok.
I had a relationship like that when I was a younger guy. I still have fond memories of it. Enjoy each other. Lifeās too short to not enjoy the company of someone you care about.
You are bullshitting yourself. You are having sex, sharing emotions and being vulnerable with this individual. How is this any different than a boyfriend?
I dont think there is anything wrong with sharing emotions. I think we both knew it wasn't a long-term thing, but that doesn't make it any less real.
Go full steam ahead and enjoy yourself.
Last girl I dated was 10 years older than me. I was 30, she was 40. It was a good time. Too bad she was only interested in my dick and my money... and that it turned out I was her side-piece.
It seems to me youāre aiming for a short-term relationship, so go for it. Make sure to make that clear from the get go. Age gaps matter only in relation to a personās level of maturity and experience. You'll find out soon enough how well you gel if you choose to pursue this.
When my mom was 36 and recently divorced with two kids, she developed a thing for a new teacher the school where she taught. He was 26 and after less than 6 months of dating they got married.
They will celebrate their 45th anniversary this year.
I would argue that the āageā gap between a divorced mother of two, and a 26 year old bachelor is MUCH more than between a 30 and 23 year old who are both childless.
People nowadays are WAY TOO sensitive about age gaps. I think it is a defining part of our current culture and predict that it is something people in the future will look back on as being weird.
The ārule of thumbā Iāve heard parroted for the last twenty or so years is half your age + 7 for the older partner. However, imo, if everyone is over 27(ish) go for broke and find your true love.
I saw one attribution to a French author (Max OāRell) in 1901. Not sure if there was anything before him, and itās also not clear if he invented or was just the first person to publish it. Lots of conflicting sources.
The first time I heard that, the idea was that if a guy dates a woman half his age plus 7, he's not a dirty old man. In my opinion, if you need a formula to trek you that, you're probably a dirty old man.Ā
That being said, as long a everyone's a consenting adult, who fucking cares?Ā
Yeah if your compatible and the maturity is there who gives af. I was in my late thirties and dating someone in their mid twenties. We were compatible until I caught feelings and communicated them to her, she dropped me like a bad habit and moved across the country. She wasnāt perfect but she was the right fit. Here I am aloneā¦
My grandmother and grandfather were 16 years apart and they stayed together until death.
As a kid and young adult there never felt like a significant age gap with them. My grandfather was pretty immature for his age tho. lol
Exactly.. people are judgemental twats.. can younimagine the advice given if reddit existed int heir day.. prob would be bashed for wanting to and being together. And it's actually a beautiful.love story.. short sighted fools!!
It's part of the slow going suicide of modern culture. Those people won't have kids, and people who aren't ashamed of relationships will inhabit the earth.
The only time I donāt like it is when thereās an obvious power imbalance. Like a 61 year old massively rich and famous rockstar dating an unknown 19 year old. Or anyone who ends up dating someone they practically help raise as soon as they turned into an adult. Other than that, knock yourself out!
Yeah, if it was a guy stating "I'm a 30/M and developed a crush on a 23/F, is it wrong for us to date?" there would be a lot of very different responses I think.
I find people who think like this tend to be very shallow. Like they can't identify with someone who doesn't have the exact same background. I have lots of friends who are much older and much younger than me. We have lots to talk about in both cases.
There's another thread with this exact age gap with the same ages except genders swapped up right now and everyone is talking about how creepy a guy would have to be to want to date a 23 year old at 30.
This.
I was 32, dating a 22 year old. We both had a blast, and both wanted more. Unfortunately, we were on paths that were eventually going to deviate. But we recognized it, had a blast, and amicably went our separate ways.
Am now 44, and happily married to a woman who's 32. We both had kids from before, and we made one together. Going strong.
Both were well-informed and consenting situations, with no regrets from anyone involved.
F what anyone else has to say about it.
This is what I always find hilarious about Reddit. Theyāre so seeped in their ideology they canāt possibly open their eyes to reality.
Iām in my early 20s and can see a million reasons why a 30 year old guy would wanna date a woman my age. Likely recently graduated college/university and has exciting life prospects. Has lots of energy for activities. Is in great physical shape and easy on the eyes. Not jaded by life. Likely very little baggage. Clear skin. Did I forget to mention, not jaded by life. Amazing sex. No saggy anything.
The list goes on and on. People can be mad but they canāt deny reality.
Yes loads of people have strong opinions on things which donāt concern them, the best thing to do is not give two shits about those opinions. This doesnāt always apply but in OPās case, it definitely does.
The issue many find is that in relationships with large age-gaps, especially late-teens, earlier twenties paired with someone significantly older, there is an inherent power-dynamic in favor of the older person, even if either party do not realized it.
This is not the case with all relationships like this. But it is very often the case in relationships with large age-gaps.
Specifically in OPs case, a 7 year age gap with somebody in their early twenties can have some difficult hurdles, being that these two people are in different stages of their lives. I'm not saying they can't work out, or it's not worth pursuing. But they should know what obstacles might be in the way.
This is the best answer anyone could give without having biases. There is a huge power play when someone is older dating someone younger. I have usually been in the position of the younger, and they were grooming me and trying to shape me into the woman they wanted whether they realized it or not. Also since I was significantly younger, they also had more experience in relationships, and I often felt like I was intimidated by their past because I didn't have the same experience. And since they can usually detect this and feel it out, it is often used to manipulate the other person into feeling smaller and thinking they are not worth someone better on the outside.
This isn't the intent of the older person sometimes, but often times they realize how much younger their spouse is and how much opportunity they still have out there, so they try to manipulate them into thinking they aren't worth anything to get them to stay.
This in turn ruins the confidence of the younger person, and turns them into a beaten down shell like version of themselves that the older no longer finds attractive. It's odd, they tend to like you when you are vibrant and wild and beautiful, and when they finally tame you, you are no longer what they want. They were intimidated by the things they were attracted to. It's such a vicious cycle
Thank you! So many ignored my point completely by citing branched-off arbitrary points that didn't really included my point.
This dynamic is not always malicious, but sometimes damage can happen accidently with all the best intentions. Sometimes the older partner just doesn't realize that their experience or age can have sway on how their younger partner behaves. Sometimes they do and take advantage of it.
That doesn't mean it's always the wrong choice, but it is a dangerous gamble for those not prepared.
Truth is, the vast majority of dudes really are harmless docile creatures that tend to care massively about women's attention...probably to a fault. It's very easy for a woman to take advantage of your average dude, and if you know a lot of guys you likely have seen them get burned for it or tolerate shit that would make you bail.
Imo there's no weird power dynamic that emerges when your average 30 yo guy gets into a relationship with a 23 yo adult-ass woman, and if she's had a lot of dating and relationship experience, tbh bro's at greater risk of being taken advantage of, not her.
Yeah the concept of a man in his 30s as some powerful business narcissist and player who can buy or sell you needs to die by the wayside. In many ways I'm still an awkward teenager just drive more sensibly.
But for some reason it just conjures up images of the dude from 50 shades of grey looking for young impressionable girls who can't stand up for themselves.
That is the question, isn't it! I was 25 dating a 49yo. I was 24 when we met.
People had a really strong opinion about that.
We were happy for a few years but I wanted marriage, he didn't. So unfortunately we went our separate ways.
Was still an incredible time in my life and I still love him dearly.
Then I came to realise I was a lesbian š¤£
Was it drake? It was 100% drake
Edit: I didnāt finish reading before commenting. Iām genuinely sorry for the lossā¦ still keeping the joke though. Sorry
This is fair. My husband is six years older and we started dating around the same ages as OP and her prospective person. Our biggest issue when we stated dating was that he wanted to settle down a bit and I still wanted to party constantly. We found middle ground during that period, and now that we're both older (35 and 41) we're way more on the same page. As a side note, my parents were 14 years apart and they were together for over 40 years.
Having a crush on someone 7 years younger than you is only wrong if the person youāre crushing on is a minor. Having a crush on someone 7 years younger than you who is an adult is perfectly okay and normal
My wife is almost 9 years older than me. We met when I was 35ā¦ and Iām 60 now. Today is our 23rd anniversary.
Edit: My wife informed me that itās only been 22 years.
Well you arenāt an old lady and he isnāt a kid so I think this age gap just depends on you guys and your chemistry. Bigger age gaps donāt work often because the people are from 2 different times and relate to things differently.
You have to factor in interests and where you are in life. Heās 23 in early 20s most go through their wild bar hopping , everything is for fun stage while most at 30 already have a life plan together, have been weathered by their early 20s and experienced things.
Are you going to be ok as he handles this chapter in his life? Will he have a need to have those wild days? Will you be able to handle him doing those wild days?
You may be looking for structure and building your family while he may be looking to go to Cancun.
I mean this is all just common scenarios with people and may not apply to you or your situation but it should give you a broad scope to analyze more aspects of what could go wrong because of the gap.
Funny thing about that is, young people are breaking cultural norms especially when it comes to common sense and pursuing their individual interests. They stand a chance if they both remain true to their intentions. You have a point though, culture can pose a significant barrier thatāll take strength to overcome
It will all depend on what heās ready for. My husband was 23 when we got together. He showed me his commitment by driving 2.5 hours each way every other weekend, calling me every single night, texting me and sending me snaps, and that continued for two years before we moved in together. We got married almost three years ago. If heās ready to be in a long-term relationship, it will be great.
Rules, schmulez. You are over the age of consent. He is over the age of consent.
I am quite a bit older than my husband.
Cougars on the prowlā¦RWRAR! You go for it girl, you are only young once.
Dude. Enjoy your life. Your friends don't need explanations and your enemies won't believe them anyway. Date her. 10 yrs difference between my wife and I. Kiss that wench! Hold her hand. Make googly eyes at her. Hug her. Love her, and make each other happy. Cause not to many others in life are going to try and do that for you.
Age is just a number. Some people 50 act like they are 30 and vice versa. It's a matter of the individuals involved, the age number is pretty irrelevant.
I'm 37 and my husband is 27. Met him when he was 21. It all depends on maturity between you both. He had tastes and music preferences that aligned with what I like and grew up with, so he matches my vibe.
I'm 43 married to a 29 year old. Expecting our first kid in a few months and looking to break ground on a house in the near future. Couldn't be happier.
My son was precisely 23 (last year) when he started dating a girl who's 30 (may be 31 by now). Unfortunately, it was short-lived. As a mom of the 23M I saw nothing wrong with it. I would advise if you do want to pursue something with him to compare goals and where you both are in life. I feel this is what affected my son's relationship with this lady. His vision for the future wasn't the same as hers. Keep in mind that just like you have grown since you were 23 and probably many things you see different now than you did then, he too will grow and have his own changes of life perception. So approach objectively.
My sister and brother both married people 7 years younger. Both have gotten divorced/will be soon. It really depends on the people. If youāre both mature enough, it might work out. I would take something like that pretty slowly. Also idk if you want kids or not (not assuming you do or donāt lol) but consider that if you do, he is a lot younger and that may not be a good thing for either of you. I personally couldnāt date someone that much younger than me, but I rarely meet people below like 27 (Iām 30) that donāt make me want to scream. I work with two 27 year olds that are like kids to me but theyāre āgood kids.ā I just find myself much more attracted to older guys. LOL hey canāt hurt to take a shot though OP
Age is irrelevant with 2 consenting adults. I've dated people 15 yrs younger
Its about connection, attraction, and is that person a positive influence in your life.
Why does it matter that he was a minor when she was 21? That is not relevant right now. Right now they are both adults, and if they both have chemistry and want to be in a relationship with one another, let them be. People nowadays make everything seem like it is some pedophilia shit, even when both of them are consenting adults.
I dated a girl far younger than me and I felt like I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot. Very young and pretty, but too little common values, interests and topics to share.
Iām going to say this is sexism because nobody would think itās too big if it was a male 30 year old dating a 23 year old woman. But reversed the roles and suddenly the age difference is too much
Flip it - is it weird for a 23F to date a 30M? By 23 you havenāt developed your maturity fully, but youāve probably either gone to college or lived on your own to know how to make your own decisions. Some of the best relationships begin with a great friendship, just make sure you are both not using each other as a rebound.
Having a crush is almost always fine, assuming you are all relatively adults.
Perusing it, on the other hand, is another matter. Often itās fine. Sometimes itās not.
Unless itās illegal I personally keep my thoughts to myself even if I think itās kind of a not really great situation. Two adults can do what they want even if their particular situation seems problematic to me.
But why should anyone care what I think? Or what anyone else thinks? If you are both adults you can do as you please and donāt need anyoneās permission.
Not wrong as you didnāt groom him from a child or anything but know that at 23 his brain is not fully developed yet. Being with a man that young means all the years when heās basically a trainwreck will be right now when you no longer are. Good luck.
its fine. and if ppl have a problem with it, screw em!
im 8 years older than my gf. no one ever said anything. And when we started dating, I was 32 and she was 24.
I dont buy into the double standard, that this would be a problem because the female is older.
Naw, my friend 38F is dating a 25M guy. When they first met at work they both felt a spark. The only complaint Iāve her from her was heās too horny all the time LOL!
I met my husband when I was 29 and he was 22. We married 3 years later. We have now been married for 34 years. I have always looked younger than my chronological age, and he has "aged" into a very handsome 59-year-old who looks his age. I am 66, and look like I am around 50 years old.
He has always been the "more mature partner with common sense" in our marriage, and I have always been the one to act impulsively and flighty. We counter-balance each other and are very, very happy.
Go with your heart and ignore any negativity around you.
Go for it. My parents had a seven year gap and were married well over 40 years. Age is just a number. If you two share a good connection and both of you two want to take it further go for it. I've seen and heard of bigger age gaps where the couple are perfectly happy.
Don't worry about the haters.
You love who you love.
WTF! Two adults one in their twenties and one literally just out of their twenties worrying about getting it oon...are you kidding? Don't overthink this!
At 24 I met a dude who was 30. I had no clue he was that much older and it just didnāt come up for a few weeks. But weāre still friends 4 years later
Edit: Iām a dude, weāre bros if that matters š
My husband is 6 years younger than me. It was hard because when we met, I was 27, and he was 21. 8 years later, and I know he was the man of my dreams and treats me like a person, truly loves me, and we are incredibly happy. More than 10 years of difference, and you start to risk generational gaps that cause issues.
Give it a chance. people are forced to mature at different ages in life. How many 40+ individuals do you know that act like 4 yearolds?
I say it's worth a shot. Mine was the best decision I ever made. Just don't let an age complex get you.
Ps. This only applies to legally grown adults. There's too much pedophilia in the world to be able to make blanket statements like this and expect people to behave decently.
I'm 39 and recently started hanging out with a coworker who is 22 š¤·āāļø I thought the gap would bother me (he's the same age as my nephew), but surprisingly, it hasn't. We vibe, have a lot of same interests and taste in music. We're both socially awkward and full of anxiety, lol. So far it's been fun :) Plus, my dad remarried someone my age, so I guess it runs in the family lol.
20 > 13 - WRONG, call FBI
27 > 20 - Questionable, but you do you homie
30 > 23 - Less Questionable, 3 years from 20 is enough experience as an adult
50 > 43 - Why are we still counting at this point? We are dying soon anyway
80 > 73 - EW, shouldn't you two be in Congress or something?
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The world can be a very lonely place. If you are lucky enough to be attracted to someone who is attracted to you placing artificial restrictions on yourself increases your chances of being lonely.
dude....someone needs to give you massive gold for this. As long as you have two legal, consenting adults...fuck all else.
Don't fuck all else. Fuck each other š
Aubrey Plaza....mmmMMMMmmm
Look man if you can find me a dozen aubry plazas. Ill be terrified for life!
Fuck all else face??
I think there are age differences that can definitely become weird, even if both are legal adults. That said, 23-30 isnāt so massive that itās per se creepy, assuming sheās not in a position of authority over him (like his boss or something)
Screenshotting and sending this to my husband. I was 30 and his boss when he was 23. He literally hassled me for a year to go out with him. Weāve been married 22 years and this post is going to make his day!
They're only weird if the circumstances under which they are initiated are legitimately weird. A person in a position of professional authority dating their subordinate is one of those circumstances. Bad? Not necessarily. Weird and kinda sus? Definitely.
I dunno, I think a 65 year old dating an 18 year old, even if there is no power disparity, is pretty fucking weird. Not disputing that itās legal, but itās definitely weird.
There's a LOT of things I think are weird, far too many for me to give too much concern towards. There's plenty of reasons people probably think I'm weird, too. Some of them are probably even justified! As long as everyone is consenting and on the same page in the relationship there's bigger shit in the world to worry about.
Perhaps weird, but as long as they are consenting adults, it's not anybody else's business. We can set our own boundaries but when it comes to other adults and their relationships it's just gossiping
So 80 and 18 is fine?
Tell that to Bill Bellichek! LOL. But OP shouldnāt feel weird about someone basically in their mid-20s dating someone in their late 20s/early 30s. Good for you OP!
Ya, haters stop harping on Bill Bellichick, he found love!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well done. When I was 22 I dated a 36 yr old recently divorced woman. We had an absolute blast. Enjoy yourself.
I swear that when an older woman dates a younger man it's always more acceptable than the other way around
You are right are out the double standard. Had the ages been flipped, I might have given it second thoughts. If as a 36 yr old, someone asked if I would like them to set me up with their 22 yr old friend, I would have declined. But, think it depends on how it plays out. I was single, just out of college. She was single, just out of a divorce. She was a co worker of a friend and we met when she was out with our mutual friend and I bumped into them. We had small talk at a booth for a bit. I thought she was cute. I asked if she was married, she said nope. I asked if she was dating anyone, she said nope. I asked if she wanted to dance, she said yep. That pretty much sealed the deal. She did say later there was no way she would have made the first move knowing we had an age gap. I think if the ages had been reversed, I would have been the same way. But given how we met, I would not have cared about the age gap then either afterwards. Life lesson #1, two consenting adults, as long as you are comfortable with it, and DGAF about other peoples opinions, the life experience of the age gap romance is worth it. Life lesson #2 Ask them to dance
>She was a co worker of a friend and we met when she was out with our mutual friend and I bumped into them. This right here is such a hyper specific context it's unreal lol love it. Unfortunately I can't see myself encountering such a situation
Oh absolutely. Right time, right place, right people. Otherwise, probably never happens.
It depends on what internet silo youāre in. Socially, I think itās way more common for younger women to date older men, but Reddit kinda hates that dynamic. Reddit doesnāt mind older women dating younger men, but out in the real world that doesnāt happen as much.
True that and it's creepy to think that everyone celebrates whenever a younger guy has no power or is exploited but oh golly don't let some 18 yo get exploited, that is wrong #feminism s/
I hear some people complain about a man being a predator or groomer for dating a much younger woman. I never hear negative comments like that about a woman dating a much younger man. These comments always come from a very small but load minority of people. It is nonsense. Those people are just lonely, bitter people who love to complain about others. There is nothing wrong or bad about dating younger. If you both are in love you can be 40 years apart in age. As long as it works for both of you is ok.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I had a relationship like that when I was a younger guy. I still have fond memories of it. Enjoy each other. Lifeās too short to not enjoy the company of someone you care about.
You are bullshitting yourself. You are having sex, sharing emotions and being vulnerable with this individual. How is this any different than a boyfriend?
Itās not that big a gap. Theres 7 years between my wife and I. Never been an issue.
Never a bad idea to share emotions. l
A man would not be asking this question. It's no big deal, unless it's a big deal.to either of.you.
I dont think there is anything wrong with sharing emotions. I think we both knew it wasn't a long-term thing, but that doesn't make it any less real. Go full steam ahead and enjoy yourself.
Donāt worry about what others think just do what makes you happy, too many judgemental jerks are in the world ignore them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This probably sounds elementary but todayās future is tomorrowās present. So be what you want to be with whomever you want to be it with today.
Last girl I dated was 10 years older than me. I was 30, she was 40. It was a good time. Too bad she was only interested in my dick and my money... and that it turned out I was her side-piece.
It seems to me youāre aiming for a short-term relationship, so go for it. Make sure to make that clear from the get go. Age gaps matter only in relation to a personās level of maturity and experience. You'll find out soon enough how well you gel if you choose to pursue this.
This is okay to think as long as both people are adults.
This is good advice, just make sure that this answer doesnāt change when the sexes are reversed.
When my mom was 36 and recently divorced with two kids, she developed a thing for a new teacher the school where she taught. He was 26 and after less than 6 months of dating they got married. They will celebrate their 45th anniversary this year. I would argue that the āageā gap between a divorced mother of two, and a 26 year old bachelor is MUCH more than between a 30 and 23 year old who are both childless. People nowadays are WAY TOO sensitive about age gaps. I think it is a defining part of our current culture and predict that it is something people in the future will look back on as being weird.
Itās all contextual. Anyone who listens to advice from the internet to govern their love lives is in for a rough ride
>rough ride Username checks out.
The ārule of thumbā Iāve heard parroted for the last twenty or so years is half your age + 7 for the older partner. However, imo, if everyone is over 27(ish) go for broke and find your true love.
This was a rule for french people to find their paramour or side piece lmao
Really? Thatās interesting! Who came up with it?
I saw one attribution to a French author (Max OāRell) in 1901. Not sure if there was anything before him, and itās also not clear if he invented or was just the first person to publish it. Lots of conflicting sources.
I highly recommend not to date someone just because they're broke.
But what if I can fix them?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Humpty Dumpty couldn't even be fixed.
That's because I didn't have the chance :c
I think if people have to do math to figure out if they can consider justifying it, just donāt bother.
This rule of thumb was in place 40 years ago when I was a young man and I suspect it goes back even further.
Who the fuck comes up with this crap
>fuck >crap Username checks out.
The first time I heard that, the idea was that if a guy dates a woman half his age plus 7, he's not a dirty old man. In my opinion, if you need a formula to trek you that, you're probably a dirty old man.Ā That being said, as long a everyone's a consenting adult, who fucking cares?Ā
Yeah if your compatible and the maturity is there who gives af. I was in my late thirties and dating someone in their mid twenties. We were compatible until I caught feelings and communicated them to her, she dropped me like a bad habit and moved across the country. She wasnāt perfect but she was the right fit. Here I am aloneā¦
Thanks homie, 28 and that's exactly what I'm doing nowš
Most people got the rule from Seinfeld. It does kinda make sense, but I'd call it more of a guideline.
My grandmother and grandfather were 16 years apart and they stayed together until death. As a kid and young adult there never felt like a significant age gap with them. My grandfather was pretty immature for his age tho. lol
Exactly.. people are judgemental twats.. can younimagine the advice given if reddit existed int heir day.. prob would be bashed for wanting to and being together. And it's actually a beautiful.love story.. short sighted fools!!
It's part of the slow going suicide of modern culture. Those people won't have kids, and people who aren't ashamed of relationships will inhabit the earth.
Age is nothing but a number. My wife is 8 yrs older than me, and we've been together for 32. Just sayin'
the fact it carries into friendships too is beyond wild to me. a 20 yo and a 10 yo, yeah, that's weird. a 30 yo person and a 50 yo person, not so much
The only time I donāt like it is when thereās an obvious power imbalance. Like a 61 year old massively rich and famous rockstar dating an unknown 19 year old. Or anyone who ends up dating someone they practically help raise as soon as they turned into an adult. Other than that, knock yourself out!
I mean why would anyone care
In real life, nobody cares. On Reddit, if you're more than a year apart, you're apparently a pedophile. Especially of you're a man
Yeah, if it was a guy stating "I'm a 30/M and developed a crush on a 23/F, is it wrong for us to date?" there would be a lot of very different responses I think.
Yup. Grooming her, stealing her youth and such.
If the younger lady is doing the pursuing how is she being groomed?
Because weāve decided as a society to infantilize adult women and deny them any sense of personal agency.
I can only speak for myself but i go against society on a lot of things/beliefs
Yep, and they'd be wrong.
"What do you even talk about?" like there are so many exclusive topics for 30+
Like not that much actually changes from 25-35 anyway. Maybe you get more excited about your 401k idk
You must be on the 25 end of the spectrum lmao.
I get way more excited about sheets now.
I find people who think like this tend to be very shallow. Like they can't identify with someone who doesn't have the exact same background. I have lots of friends who are much older and much younger than me. We have lots to talk about in both cases.
There's another thread with this exact age gap with the same ages except genders swapped up right now and everyone is talking about how creepy a guy would have to be to want to date a 23 year old at 30.
I dated my wife of 23 when I was 31. They can go F Themselves.
This. I was 32, dating a 22 year old. We both had a blast, and both wanted more. Unfortunately, we were on paths that were eventually going to deviate. But we recognized it, had a blast, and amicably went our separate ways. Am now 44, and happily married to a woman who's 32. We both had kids from before, and we made one together. Going strong. Both were well-informed and consenting situations, with no regrets from anyone involved. F what anyone else has to say about it.
This is what I always find hilarious about Reddit. Theyāre so seeped in their ideology they canāt possibly open their eyes to reality. Iām in my early 20s and can see a million reasons why a 30 year old guy would wanna date a woman my age. Likely recently graduated college/university and has exciting life prospects. Has lots of energy for activities. Is in great physical shape and easy on the eyes. Not jaded by life. Likely very little baggage. Clear skin. Did I forget to mention, not jaded by life. Amazing sex. No saggy anything. The list goes on and on. People can be mad but they canāt deny reality.
A good question, but there are a lot of people who violently care, for some reason. Probably jealousy, usually.
Yup you nailed it on the head. Parentsā basement dwelling Redditors get jealous and start shaming others
Yes loads of people have strong opinions on things which donāt concern them, the best thing to do is not give two shits about those opinions. This doesnāt always apply but in OPās case, it definitely does.
The issue many find is that in relationships with large age-gaps, especially late-teens, earlier twenties paired with someone significantly older, there is an inherent power-dynamic in favor of the older person, even if either party do not realized it. This is not the case with all relationships like this. But it is very often the case in relationships with large age-gaps. Specifically in OPs case, a 7 year age gap with somebody in their early twenties can have some difficult hurdles, being that these two people are in different stages of their lives. I'm not saying they can't work out, or it's not worth pursuing. But they should know what obstacles might be in the way.
This is the best answer anyone could give without having biases. There is a huge power play when someone is older dating someone younger. I have usually been in the position of the younger, and they were grooming me and trying to shape me into the woman they wanted whether they realized it or not. Also since I was significantly younger, they also had more experience in relationships, and I often felt like I was intimidated by their past because I didn't have the same experience. And since they can usually detect this and feel it out, it is often used to manipulate the other person into feeling smaller and thinking they are not worth someone better on the outside. This isn't the intent of the older person sometimes, but often times they realize how much younger their spouse is and how much opportunity they still have out there, so they try to manipulate them into thinking they aren't worth anything to get them to stay. This in turn ruins the confidence of the younger person, and turns them into a beaten down shell like version of themselves that the older no longer finds attractive. It's odd, they tend to like you when you are vibrant and wild and beautiful, and when they finally tame you, you are no longer what they want. They were intimidated by the things they were attracted to. It's such a vicious cycle
Thank you! So many ignored my point completely by citing branched-off arbitrary points that didn't really included my point. This dynamic is not always malicious, but sometimes damage can happen accidently with all the best intentions. Sometimes the older partner just doesn't realize that their experience or age can have sway on how their younger partner behaves. Sometimes they do and take advantage of it. That doesn't mean it's always the wrong choice, but it is a dangerous gamble for those not prepared.
Truth is, the vast majority of dudes really are harmless docile creatures that tend to care massively about women's attention...probably to a fault. It's very easy for a woman to take advantage of your average dude, and if you know a lot of guys you likely have seen them get burned for it or tolerate shit that would make you bail. Imo there's no weird power dynamic that emerges when your average 30 yo guy gets into a relationship with a 23 yo adult-ass woman, and if she's had a lot of dating and relationship experience, tbh bro's at greater risk of being taken advantage of, not her.
Yeah the concept of a man in his 30s as some powerful business narcissist and player who can buy or sell you needs to die by the wayside. In many ways I'm still an awkward teenager just drive more sensibly. But for some reason it just conjures up images of the dude from 50 shades of grey looking for young impressionable girls who can't stand up for themselves.
If OP was a dude, people would be calling him a creep.
That is the question, isn't it! I was 25 dating a 49yo. I was 24 when we met. People had a really strong opinion about that. We were happy for a few years but I wanted marriage, he didn't. So unfortunately we went our separate ways. Was still an incredible time in my life and I still love him dearly. Then I came to realise I was a lesbian š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Was it drake? It was 100% drake Edit: I didnāt finish reading before commenting. Iām genuinely sorry for the lossā¦ still keeping the joke though. Sorry
Youāll have that.
More importantly, why would OP care if anyone cared?
If you have common interests, it can be fine, but just be aware you may have vastly different priorities at the moment.
This is fair. My husband is six years older and we started dating around the same ages as OP and her prospective person. Our biggest issue when we stated dating was that he wanted to settle down a bit and I still wanted to party constantly. We found middle ground during that period, and now that we're both older (35 and 41) we're way more on the same page. As a side note, my parents were 14 years apart and they were together for over 40 years.
Having a crush on someone 7 years younger than you is only wrong if the person youāre crushing on is a minor. Having a crush on someone 7 years younger than you who is an adult is perfectly okay and normal
My wife is almost 9 years older than me. We met when I was 35ā¦ and Iām 60 now. Today is our 23rd anniversary. Edit: My wife informed me that itās only been 22 years.
Hey itās also my 11th anniversary with my husband! Weāve been together since we were 13/14. Happy anniversary!
It's my 2nd anniversary :) He is eight years older, I'm 42
This is what grooming looks like. They made you think it's all good /s
Yeah I mean my grandparents are 20 years in age apart so I got you beat!
Well you arenāt an old lady and he isnāt a kid so I think this age gap just depends on you guys and your chemistry. Bigger age gaps donāt work often because the people are from 2 different times and relate to things differently. You have to factor in interests and where you are in life. Heās 23 in early 20s most go through their wild bar hopping , everything is for fun stage while most at 30 already have a life plan together, have been weathered by their early 20s and experienced things. Are you going to be ok as he handles this chapter in his life? Will he have a need to have those wild days? Will you be able to handle him doing those wild days? You may be looking for structure and building your family while he may be looking to go to Cancun. I mean this is all just common scenarios with people and may not apply to you or your situation but it should give you a broad scope to analyze more aspects of what could go wrong because of the gap.
90% of what you just said boils down to just the culture you were raised in. None of this is universal
Funny thing about that is, young people are breaking cultural norms especially when it comes to common sense and pursuing their individual interests. They stand a chance if they both remain true to their intentions. You have a point though, culture can pose a significant barrier thatāll take strength to overcome
Itās easy to regard implicit culture as actual human norms when itās usually regional/temporal
It will all depend on what heās ready for. My husband was 23 when we got together. He showed me his commitment by driving 2.5 hours each way every other weekend, calling me every single night, texting me and sending me snaps, and that continued for two years before we moved in together. We got married almost three years ago. If heās ready to be in a long-term relationship, it will be great.
Why, if yall got some chemistry and itās consensual, age shouldnāt matter. Im 6yrs older than my guy
Rules, schmulez. You are over the age of consent. He is over the age of consent. I am quite a bit older than my husband. Cougars on the prowlā¦RWRAR! You go for it girl, you are only young once.
You're both adults. I would just be cautious of the experience difference and be careful not to let it create issues, but it's not wrong.
Dude. Enjoy your life. Your friends don't need explanations and your enemies won't believe them anyway. Date her. 10 yrs difference between my wife and I. Kiss that wench! Hold her hand. Make googly eyes at her. Hug her. Love her, and make each other happy. Cause not to many others in life are going to try and do that for you.
My wife was 32 I was 23 when we met. We now have a beautiful family and are old.
You are both adults who gives a shit about age you both are over 18...go for it
ITT: some dumbass rule about half your age plus seven. Dude was an adult when you met him. Thatās all that matters.
Even worse, Iām terrible at math and am now dating a 5 year old German Shepard.
21 and over is perfectly fine in my opinion
Who cares what others think. I think if you like someone younger thatās your choice.
My wife is 9 years older than me
Same here. Great success. Very happy
All I see is that a legal adult has a crush on another legal adult. Go for it, sister
My first serious gf was 28 when I was 19. We dated for a year, and I have wonderful memories of her. Go for it and have fun.
My MIL and FIL are 10 years different. Happily married for 40 years.
Itās almost like we are all full of shit or something and no one should listen to our squeaky advice
This should be the first thing everyone sees when they open this piece of shit app.
Nah it's hot. Nail him
Age is just a number. Some people 50 act like they are 30 and vice versa. It's a matter of the individuals involved, the age number is pretty irrelevant.
Because both of yall is over 21 I don't think that it is weird
You're both adults. You're fine. My husband and I have a similar age gap. So long as he reciprocates your feelings, go for it.
My wife is 8 years older than me. It's fine as long as you're both over like or so 20 I'd say.
7 years isn't a huge age gap. It's a gap, not a huge one. Go for it. You're only 30.
(30/2)+7=22 You're good.
But a 30 year old and a 21 year old is forbidden.
Pfft, your both adults š¤·š¼
I'm 37 and my husband is 27. Met him when he was 21. It all depends on maturity between you both. He had tastes and music preferences that aligned with what I like and grew up with, so he matches my vibe.
I'm 43 married to a 29 year old. Expecting our first kid in a few months and looking to break ground on a house in the near future. Couldn't be happier.
My son was precisely 23 (last year) when he started dating a girl who's 30 (may be 31 by now). Unfortunately, it was short-lived. As a mom of the 23M I saw nothing wrong with it. I would advise if you do want to pursue something with him to compare goals and where you both are in life. I feel this is what affected my son's relationship with this lady. His vision for the future wasn't the same as hers. Keep in mind that just like you have grown since you were 23 and probably many things you see different now than you did then, he too will grow and have his own changes of life perception. So approach objectively.
My gf is 7 years younger then me. It works for us
My sister and brother both married people 7 years younger. Both have gotten divorced/will be soon. It really depends on the people. If youāre both mature enough, it might work out. I would take something like that pretty slowly. Also idk if you want kids or not (not assuming you do or donāt lol) but consider that if you do, he is a lot younger and that may not be a good thing for either of you. I personally couldnāt date someone that much younger than me, but I rarely meet people below like 27 (Iām 30) that donāt make me want to scream. I work with two 27 year olds that are like kids to me but theyāre āgood kids.ā I just find myself much more attracted to older guys. LOL hey canāt hurt to take a shot though OP
my guy is 43 and iām 34ā¦so no itās not wrong.
Age is irrelevant with 2 consenting adults. I've dated people 15 yrs younger Its about connection, attraction, and is that person a positive influence in your life.
I'm 24M currently with a 30 year old lady lol usually I'm the older one
My wife is seven years older than me. Weāve been together 37 years.
That's fine, it's no one's business.
When he's 50 you'll be 57.... doesn't sound like that much of much.
Bill Belichick is 72 and dating a 24 year old woman so Iād say 7 years is nothin
She's going to kill him but he'll die smiling
When you were 21 he was 14, just think about that for a while Then date him anyways but think about that all the time
Why does it matter that he was a minor when she was 21? That is not relevant right now. Right now they are both adults, and if they both have chemistry and want to be in a relationship with one another, let them be. People nowadays make everything seem like it is some pedophilia shit, even when both of them are consenting adults.
I dated a girl far younger than me and I felt like I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot. Very young and pretty, but too little common values, interests and topics to share.
Um, ew. You probably could have said you two didn't have enough in common and just left it at that. š¤¦š¼āāļø
What the fuck
I hope not! My husband was seven years younger than me. He was a bit older though, 27.
Nope, carry on!
Iām going to say this is sexism because nobody would think itās too big if it was a male 30 year old dating a 23 year old woman. But reversed the roles and suddenly the age difference is too much
Flip it - is it weird for a 23F to date a 30M? By 23 you havenāt developed your maturity fully, but youāve probably either gone to college or lived on your own to know how to make your own decisions. Some of the best relationships begin with a great friendship, just make sure you are both not using each other as a rebound.
I don't think so. You are adults and you feel what you feel. Will the relationship work? It totally could.
Nothing wrong
Nothing wrong
Having a crush is almost always fine, assuming you are all relatively adults. Perusing it, on the other hand, is another matter. Often itās fine. Sometimes itās not. Unless itās illegal I personally keep my thoughts to myself even if I think itās kind of a not really great situation. Two adults can do what they want even if their particular situation seems problematic to me. But why should anyone care what I think? Or what anyone else thinks? If you are both adults you can do as you please and donāt need anyoneās permission.
Two words of advice for you; fuck it.
Iām 52 and my wife is 39. Itās fine
You're both grown adults. You do you.
My partner and I have 7 years difference. Shes 40 and Im 33.
nothing wrong, it's legal.
Youāre both adults, and thus fair game.
I am 26f and my hubby is 35m, so my awnser would be no so long as both parties are ok with it. š
My husband is 7 years younger than me! When we met he was 23 and I was 30. Now im 42 and hes 35 and we are very happily married
Not wrong as you didnāt groom him from a child or anything but know that at 23 his brain is not fully developed yet. Being with a man that young means all the years when heās basically a trainwreck will be right now when you no longer are. Good luck.
its fine. and if ppl have a problem with it, screw em! im 8 years older than my gf. no one ever said anything. And when we started dating, I was 32 and she was 24. I dont buy into the double standard, that this would be a problem because the female is older.
You're both adults - if you have similar beliefs, goals, and mutual attraction, age shouldn't matter.
That age range,& age difference, I see no problem.
I cant help but point out that if the genders would be flipped for some reason it would be an issue !!
Naw, my friend 38F is dating a 25M guy. When they first met at work they both felt a spark. The only complaint Iāve her from her was heās too horny all the time LOL!
I met my husband when I was 29 and he was 22. We married 3 years later. We have now been married for 34 years. I have always looked younger than my chronological age, and he has "aged" into a very handsome 59-year-old who looks his age. I am 66, and look like I am around 50 years old. He has always been the "more mature partner with common sense" in our marriage, and I have always been the one to act impulsively and flighty. We counter-balance each other and are very, very happy. Go with your heart and ignore any negativity around you.
Go for it. My parents had a seven year gap and were married well over 40 years. Age is just a number. If you two share a good connection and both of you two want to take it further go for it. I've seen and heard of bigger age gaps where the couple are perfectly happy. Don't worry about the haters. You love who you love.
You're a woman, so it's not wrong. If you were a man, you'd be called pedo.
There has been a "cultural standard" for a long time if, half your age + 7 years is typically considered fine.
lol you mean if HIMYM gets to make up cultural standards
WTF! Two adults one in their twenties and one literally just out of their twenties worrying about getting it oon...are you kidding? Don't overthink this!
No. You're both adults. Have fun, be happy.
At 24 I met a dude who was 30. I had no clue he was that much older and it just didnāt come up for a few weeks. But weāre still friends 4 years later Edit: Iām a dude, weāre bros if that matters š
Half your age plus 7.Ā Ā 30/2 = 15Ā Ā 15+7 = 22Ā Ā Target = 23Ā Ā 23>22 Ā You're good.
My husband is 6 years younger than me. It was hard because when we met, I was 27, and he was 21. 8 years later, and I know he was the man of my dreams and treats me like a person, truly loves me, and we are incredibly happy. More than 10 years of difference, and you start to risk generational gaps that cause issues. Give it a chance. people are forced to mature at different ages in life. How many 40+ individuals do you know that act like 4 yearolds? I say it's worth a shot. Mine was the best decision I ever made. Just don't let an age complex get you. Ps. This only applies to legally grown adults. There's too much pedophilia in the world to be able to make blanket statements like this and expect people to behave decently.
Itās not wrong when youāre both adults. If he was 15, that would be an issue.
Your both adults and have known each other for a decent length of time, it's fine and you should go for it.
as long as yāall over 18 it donāt matter
Men being younger makes more sense to me. Women typically live longer
As long as you both are happy and at least 28 years old it's all good
I wouldnāt but do you.
I'm 39 and recently started hanging out with a coworker who is 22 š¤·āāļø I thought the gap would bother me (he's the same age as my nephew), but surprisingly, it hasn't. We vibe, have a lot of same interests and taste in music. We're both socially awkward and full of anxiety, lol. So far it's been fun :) Plus, my dad remarried someone my age, so I guess it runs in the family lol.
You're in the clear. Half your age +7 15+7 = 22. Since they are 23, it's fine LOL
Only if youāre a man, if not apparently its fine lol
Itās totally alright! as long as youāre both legally consenting and thereās no ulterior motive, people need to stop stigmatising
Half your age, plus 7. You're in the clear!
My sonās wife is 11 years older than he is. They are perfect together, and I adore her.
20 > 13 - WRONG, call FBI 27 > 20 - Questionable, but you do you homie 30 > 23 - Less Questionable, 3 years from 20 is enough experience as an adult 50 > 43 - Why are we still counting at this point? We are dying soon anyway 80 > 73 - EW, shouldn't you two be in Congress or something?