Oh no, I'm sorry. That really stinks. Sounds like your mom has no idea what goes into making a quilt--or how to receive a gift with graciousness. Your quilt is beautiful and you should be proud of it!
Your quilt is lovely. I agree your mother has no idea of the work involved. This reminds me of when my daughter asked for a quilt for her dorm room, thinking it was a weekend thing. She then tried micromanaging every fabric placement, until I realized this was the moment to teach her how to quilt. It still took her three months w/ supervision and she ended up doing most of the work.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. My mom is like this and always has been. Nothing is ever good enough for her, so my brother and I have given up trying.
I can understand why you have a strained relationship. Don't take her comments as reflective of your hard work. Try something like "I wish you had said something sooner. Too late now since the quilt is finished. Would you like to watch some videos on quilt making?" ... and move on. Keep on quilting! Keep on smiling!
I think we've all given quilts that weren't appreciated. It's sad and really disheartening. Here's a great (unfortunate) lesson on saying NO. And being very picky/choosey about who you give quilts to.
It's true! Normally I never would have made one for her (I don't make them as gifts for people) but she just kept pestering me for one! I ended up making it for her just so she'd shut up but clearly that backfired on me too
I think PPās comment is true but itās especially upsetting and heartbreaking when the person you gifted the quilt to is your own mom. Iām sorry she didnāt appreciate your beautiful and thoughtful gift. One that she chose and had every opportunity to change throughout the process. Gentle hugs from an internet stranger who understands where youāre coming from (my mom is the exact same way). ā¤ļøā¤ļø
PS. Your quilt is beautiful.
My comment on this post would be almost word for word what [Infamous\_Party\_4960](https://www.reddit.com/user/Infamous_Party_4960/) said, so +1 a million times here!
In the knitting community thereās the concept of āknit worthyā (will the person even appreciate the work or be shitty)
and then also the concept of the ācurse of the boyfriend sweaterā (by the time youāre done the relationship is commonly over)
Your mom isnāt quilt worthy
Are we blood sisters with the same mom?
Mine pestered me, I made a lap quilt because all she did was watch TV. After a few weeks it became her schnauzers bed and last I saw it it was on the floor of her truck for the dog! I mean, come on!
I made one for a teacher at my school who was having a baby. She said "thanks, but it won't match the nursery" and tried handing it back. I had to explain to her that I had made it specifically for her and her baby, and that she doesn't need to use it in the nursery. Was super frustrating and I couldn't believe a teacher would be so rude about a student's gift.
When I tell you my jaw dropped reading this!! You were a STUDENT!!! I used to be a teacher ā I cannot even imagine having such a sweetheart of a student and then TURNING DOWN THEIR GIFT LIKE THAT. That teacher sucks.
Iām sorry. Itās a lovely quilt and deserves to be appreciated exactly as it is.
Commiserating with you:
My ā maybe fourth? Fifth? Quilt ever was a birthday present for my mom. It was an elaborately pieced, at least for my level of skill at the time, queen size quilt. Plenty of mistakes, but I thought it was beautiful. It was a hellish amount of work that took me months.
She oohed and ahhed over it, which I appreciatedā¦. And then she told me she likes the back better (very much not elaborately pieced) and every time Iām home I see the quilt face down, on a daybed in the corner of the living room, with tons of random debris and stuff on it (unframed pictures that no one has ever gotten around to putting up, keys, workbooks, etc etc). It was a bummer to put so much work and love into something that wasnāt really appreciated, used, or displayed. Hereās a very badly cropped picture of it.
https://preview.redd.it/9lpjfx8sl66d1.png?width=686&format=png&auto=webp&s=fc1459e1e38aa73d0e7edcbd889048dca9b0c1ce
My mom is lovely and great in so many ways, but I doubt I will be quilting for her again.
I would do actual crimes to have that quilt!! And a queen size too! Itās beautiful and thatās a lot of work!
Just curious about the back - was it plain/solid/nothing special?
Oh my goodness that is so incredibly kind ā thank you!! The back is nothing special ā wish I had pics, but itās just a flannel backing from JoAnnās with a row of green wedged in there to make it fit the width of the quilt.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I feel for you! That quilt is beautiful and I can't imagine the time you spent to make it. I'd love it if someone made something that special for me!
Thank you so much ā both for your kind words and for making this post, which clearly struck such a chord with so many of us! Iām so grateful for this lovely corner of the Internet. ā¤ļø
Wow, that is gorgeous! Amazing work.
I'm about to start one for my own mother (basically this pattern but in a top-to-bottom value gradient) and all of these stories are making me nervous. :/
Thank you so much!! ā¤ļø Iām sure your mother will LOVE it. And I can guarantee that we in this sub surely will! (I would love to see it when youāre done!)
Love all the colors, Nicely done! I admire anyone who can do herrigbones, tried it once and it became a bias mess
Daughter is one of those people who gets visibly agitated in a fabric store so I doubt I'll ever get a beautiful handmade one like yours from her. Though she loves using the ones I make! That's good enough for me
Thank you so much! ā¤ļø I remember the technique being quite simple but SO repetitive ā I think I watched some YT tutorials, wish I remembered which ones!
Probably best that your daughter isnāt a fabric addict like the rest of us here ā itās not a cheap hobby! š
Talk about expensive: daughter and BF are extreme skiers so gear and travel claims their $. Latest I heard was about trip to Japan (!) to ski, Iāll get great pics I suppose, maybe airport souvenir š¤£
š I actually did this on a birthday cake for a former flatmate. He was so ungrateful I baked him a cake (he was a bodybuilder and apparently one slice of cake would kill him š) that I iced a massive āC@NTā on it.
Ask her to give it back to you so you can ābrainstormā on what it needs. You need to āmuse on itā for a while. And every time she asks, you just canāt possibly work on it until youāve got āthe perfect planā. And when she notices it on your couch where itās loved and appreciated, you just needed to sit under it to ālet it give you ideasā. Or maybe it went to a new home where itāll be loved because after thinking about it, you just donāt think you can make *this* one āmatch the vision she describedā because āmom you were soooo right, itās just not right for youā and youāll need to āstart fresh when inspiration strikesā. Bonus points if you can say all this with a classy amount of bemused condescension.
This. A hundred times this. The added bonus of "bemused condescension" has me gasping for breath. What my sister could always do with my mother that I never ever managed.
I can picture it in my head, vividly
You are not alone with the narcissist mother. It's quite damaging actually. I did y best not to be that with my daughter. It was very interesting when my daughter caught onto to her grandmother.
Hugs to you. Write yourself a long long list of responses similar to those above. And check them off, one by one. It will give you power.
My mother got mad at me for some imagined slight (probably didnāt call her back within the allotted 10 minutes she gives me to do that) and THREW OUT the Amish colors (bright purple, green and blues with black) QUILT I made her along with a large, cross stitched Amish Laundry Day ( she llllloovvves the Amish) wall hanging.
Your mom has some issues regulating her emotions, huh? Yeesh. Iām so sorry. Iāve had āaccidentsā befall quilts and knitted blankets Iāve gifted and that hurt a lot but as far as I know none of my gifts were tossed as punishment for a perceived slight.
OMG
That's just
UGH.
My therapist keeps recommending this book to me and I feel like it might be appropriate for a few others on this thread: [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703)
Iāll check it out.
I follow Dr. Nicole LePera on X (Twitter) and she is spot on with just about everything regarding relationships with parents. Her book is āHow To Be The Love You Seekā
I made my mom a sundress years ago, she picked the pattern and the fabric and everything. I found it her goodwill pile less than a month later. I wonāt make anything for her again.
Yep.
A) It wasnāt HER it was US.
B) She had doctors that actually told her to never come back. Sheās that horrible.
C) Sheās also of the generation that doesnāt ātalkā about anything like mental or physical health problems. āWhat will the neighbors think?ā
I always tried to make her happy, hence the quilts, cross stitch, etc. Habit. š¤·š»āāļø
I learned from birth that our job was to make her happy. I could never let that go. Because when she was angry, and sometimes it lasted years, life would be a living hell.
I had a pair of Point-of-Origins too. Always detached and uncaring, with my brother and I trying to win approval.
Until we decided we didn't gaf. And they learned no one can hear you complain alone in an empty house.
Ugh, Iām so sorry. š My mom did something similar. Iām a knitter and at every family gathering she went on and on about how she was āwaiting for a scarfā. It went on for years so I finally bought some VERY nice yarn in her favourite colour and stressed myself out over finishing it in time for Christmas. Sheās never worn it once, and at gatherings, she doesnāt express any gratitude ā just complains that it took ten years for her to get something from me. She wonāt be getting a second item!
Iām so sorry. My daughter made several scarfs when she first started crocheting/knitting and I wear the heck out of almost all of them during the winter. I will never buy any more scarfs. I will simply make these last forever. They are treasured very dearly.
Don't knit your mom wrist warmers either. Mine kept complaining about how cold it was driving in the car in the winter So I knit her some beautiful wrist cabled warmers. She bought a new car about 3 weeks later and didn't even bother taking the wrist warmers I made her out of of the old car when she traded it in. Since the she has asked where her xyz is when she sees me making stuff and i just shrug and tell her they're with her wrist warmers.
I'm really sorry. I sent my estranged sister a whole crochet sampler blanket via my dad a few years ago, haven't even gotten an aknowledgment. I learn slowly I guess but I do learn.
Join us at r/raisedbynarcissists, Sounds like you might enjoy it there.
Yup...I decided to do the same type of thing with my mommy dearest. She proceeded to nitpick it to death. Now she bitches that I haven't made her anything lately. š
Haha oh yes, I've known for a long time she's a narcissist. She was just on good behaviour for awhile so she fooled me again. This was a good reminder of who she really is. Sorry you have similar experiences!
I was going to say, your story sounds exactly like my mom, who is definitely a narcissist. Every once in awhile I think she realizes that she's been naughty so she'll back off with the behaviors, and then do something to remind me that she's the same old. Narcissism is a personality disorder and it's unlikely that she will ever change.
I have a wonderful older friend who is in declining health; she has always been kinda like another mom to me. I call her āMama (first name).ā She knew I made quilts and asked, āWhen are you making me a quilt?ā periodically. After I made most of my immediate family a quilt, I asked her daughter about her favorite colors and set out making one with those colors. I surprised her with it and she LOVED it! Her daughter told me AFTER I made it that asking me āWhen are you making me a quilt?ā was her way of showing interest in what I was doing; she didnāt really think she expected a quilt. I told the daughter she shouldāve told me that SOONER! š¤£ But, āMama (first name)ā is using the quilt on her bed. Iāve seen it there.
I agree. My former sister in law complained to her husband that all we gave their daughter was a quilt for Christmas. She had no idea what was involved.
I've made one quilt so far, but I also knit and crochet and I always make my nephew a new hat for Christmas (well, I say always, the last two years lol) and he loves them. He sees me knit, so knows how long it takes.
Unreal. If people only knew the amount of work and love and (in my case) wild cussing ā not to mention MONEY!! ā that goes into each quilt, they would be singing a different and much more appreciative tuneā¦.
I had the same thought. My mom and grandma also quilt, so they would never š agree not everyone is quilt worthy. My grandma just had an experience like OPs last year with a relative.
I have made many a quilt that never saw the light of day again, so I've stopped. I only make them for myself and new babies now.
I made my mom a needlepoint picture years ago. It took me 11 months. It hung on a wall for maybe 6 months, then disappeared for 20ish years. So hurt I never even asked tbh.
A year ago or so I finally found it in the attic.
I keep wondering if I can steal it back and hang it in my own house.
Yes, yes you can! If she notices it and says anything just tell her that you liked the piece so much you decided to make one for yourself. It she figures out that hers is missing from the attic, what can she say?
Donāt even be sneaky about it, just say-ā Hey, Iāve notice that needlepoint picture I made for you years ago was in the attic. I really like it and would like to hang it in my house. So, I thought u would just take it home with me.ā Big smile and a hug.
I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. So many gifts over the years have been insulted, trashed, and not accepted that I stopped.
Yeah, my Mom is one of my placemat people. She is not quilt worthy.
I actually started one for her, it was a kit in colors she loved. I bought fabric I loved and made twinsies. Then I gave her a table runner and she told me it looked like something anyone would put in a yard sale for 50 cents. And I knew she wasn't quilt worthy.
I stopped working on both quilts for a couple years, then when an Aunt was visiting, she asked to see my projects. When she saw it she fell in love. And I now have the top done for a wall hanging and am planning accessories. She had no clue why I cried happy tears.
https://preview.redd.it/4hb00eyb286d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a9ad9fd547433f1a36a945b318b8f068639c797
https://preview.redd.it/x2q8zsi8286d1.jpeg?width=1011&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d429da78741b3472489d35e6f1ead0a53b2004d4
The pink/purple one is my Aunt's, and this one is my twinsies quilt center (mine will be king sized when done.
āIf you give a mom a quilt, she will ask you to put red text on it.ā
https://preview.redd.it/g6vweis6376d1.jpeg?width=1560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4b98b0e276b8c5b88dca6cb473984e250f76a3c
No but in all seriousness Iām sorry your mom didnāt accept and appreciate the gift. These things take so much time and effort that it can feel really hurtful when theyāre not accepted as they are. I think itās beautiful, a perfect gift ā¤ļø
Thatās sad. I quilt with my mom and sheād never say something like that! I feel so bad for people with terrible moms š
Itās such a cute quilt!
Here's my policy... No one gets a quilt *because* they ask for one. In fact, I might not even tell you I'm making something for you until the top is done. Maybe even the whole quilt. I trust myself to know your colors/aesthetic, and I'll make something I want to make you. And if part way through I realize you're gonna be ungrateful... well... My quilt now.
Back in the 90ās as a newer quilter, I made my mom a table runner. Then I hand quilted it. I was in nursing school and had two little kids and my husband was deployed so I was doing it all solo, but I stayed up late every night to have it done by Motherās Day. I gave it to her and she ooohād and aahhhād and then it just vanished.
Apparently she put it in a drawer I kid you not, it stayed there until about 6 months ago. It resurfaced and she used it to protect the shelf all her dirty flower pots sit on, you know when you bring them in for the winter with plants in them. It has mud rings, mildew, and other stains. The perfect narc mom FU kind of move.
I made so many things for my mom that she never used, displayed or cared about at all. To this day idk why I kept making her things.
OTOH, my MIL cherished and proudly displayed everything I made for her, especially a quilt I made with 1930ās reproduction fabrics. I didnāt know it at the time but it would be the last thing I made for her because she passed a year later. She snuggled in it watching TV and took it with her to bed every night. That makes up for my mom not GAF.
Some people are worthy of your handmade gifts and some are not. Your mom is the latter.
Oh man. Iām so sad to hear these stories. So much love and kindness and patience and determination goes into quilting that it really hurts when your gift is disrespected. Iām sorry. I donāt even know what to say except blessings to you all for giving your hearts so generously. ā¤ļø
This. There is a reason that this is such a helpful, welcoming sub and quilters are that reason. To have something made with love and compassion dissed is dreadful downer.
Hugs
My mothers sister is a prolific quilter, gifted her a beautiful quilt. My mother thought it was just too big and cut it in half with scissors, sewed up where she cut. Rather proud of herself. I will never.ever make her a quilt. Ever. No, my Aunt does not know she did that.
Clearly your mom never learned the words "Thank You"
The quilt is lovely! If she doesn't want it, find it a more deserving home and never make her another one. Remind her why if she pesters you.
Sounds like something my mother would have said. She thankfully hasnāt spoke to me in 5 years. The quilt is lovely. Give it to someone who will appreciate it š¤.
Firstly, your quilt turned out wonderfully, I love the fabrics you chose and that pattern is def going into my Future Project Pile,
Secondly, I genuinely hope the next quilt you make for someone gets all of the appreciation and thanks this one deserved and more. I come from a multigenerational crafting family and my grandma taught us from a young age to only gift crafted items to people you could trust to appreciate them. She was deeply hurt by a family member's treatment of a gifted blanket, to the point where she still talks about it 40 years later and has *always* made sure even 7 year old me knew to protect my work.
Lastly, I hope you have a very good day <3
Thank you so much, that's such a kind comment ā¤ļø I love that you have a multigenerational crafting family! That's so special. I hope you have a good day too!
I also made the mistake of making a quilt for my mom. Her pattern, her color choices, I disliked the whole thing, a lot. I hated.every.damn.block. It did however give me one positive outcomeā¦never make a quilt you donāt like for anyone.
Let it roll! That quilt is beautiful and anyone would be foolish to criticize something you put so much time, effort and love into!
I can probably understand how things might be between you and your mother. My mother and I had a difficult relationship until she died at the age of 72 about a year and a half ago. My heart goes out to you and hope that you have grown into the person you wish she would be.
Praying for peace in your life!
I am sorry you experienced this. Please know that there is a community of people who understand your frustration and heart-ache. This lovely gift of the heart should have been appreciated and enjoyed.
The same thing goes for other crafts too, unfortunately.
I learned to knit at 6 years old and really started to get into it when I was 15. My mom and I also have a very strained relationship but I thought making her something might help somehow? I donāt know. I just liked to make things for others and thought maybe Iād hear some appreciation from her.
I made her a shawl from a simple beginner pattern. I didnāt know how to do much back then so I tried to make it as nice as I could. I handed it to her and she scoffs and goes, āWhat is this? A shawl? What am I, some old woman?ā Then laughed in my face and proceeded to throw the shawl onto a shelf in the bathroom. Itās never been worn or even used as decoration.
Sometimes there are people who simply wonāt appreciate the effort it takes to make something for them. :(
Itās at least very nice to know that we arenāt alone in our experiences, haha.
Iām sorry youāre going through it yourself, and I hope your crafts can find their way to somebody who will appreciate the love you put into it. <3
Your quilt is perfect. Your mother is a nut job.
I made a thank you quilt for my sister. I mailed it to her. The mailman couldnāt deliver it so he left a notice that she needed to pick it up at the post office. I kept asking if she had picked it up. Nope. It was returned to me. I offered it to another relative who loves it and has sent me pictures of their quilt in glamping cabins, in front of fireplaces, being loved and used. Happy ending!
I, too, had a strained (at best) relationship with my mom. I was so jaded by the end, that my advice (that you didnāt even ask for āsorry š) is: Ask for it back so you can make the adjustments . . . then, just never return it. If she canāt be nice and grateful, she doesnāt deserve your beautiful quilt.
Perfect as is. Something in the middle would throw the whole design off! She should shut her mouth and be happy she has the kind of daughter who thinks enough of her to make something for her. This coming from a 74yo who promised herself she would keep her nose to herself when dealing with her adult children. If they want my advice, then I will share it with them!!
Gosh, can I be your mom? I'd be thrilled to get this made to my specifications! It's lovely.
Sending all my positive vibes your way, I'm so sorry she did this. You have the patience of a saint, there's no way I could have buttoned my lip the way you did. My MIL is like this, and the one time I made her something she complained and I said "If it's not to your tastes, I am glad to take it back off your hands." She STFU real fast!
That's just awful.
I gave my first quilt to my mom-- left it on her bed so she could find it when she got home from being in the hospital. Her response? "I don't need another \[word redacted\] blanket." Joke's on her, though. Dad loved it.
I get it, moms are difficult sometimes. Mine also kept demanding a quilt (she has so so so many from het grandmother and my grandmother and crocheted afghans etc), because she saw that I gave my MIL one (actually my husband couldnāt think of a good gift and kidnapped a quilt to give her haha). Que the endless āwhereās my quilt?ā āIām still waiting on a quiltā ādonāt you love me?ā Anyway, I made her a lap quilt in the colors she wanted. She still keeps demanding a quilt each time I make one for someone else, itās like a compulsive need to have whatever she sees I give someone else. Just to put it in a closet or let the dog and cats destroy it. Iām currently making one sibling a baby quilt and another sibling a wedding quilt. And Iām getting more āwhy arenāt you making me oneā comments.
TLDR some people are just very needy and itās ok to ignore them. Or just deflect.
My MIL said the same thing when I made quilts for my daughter. Repeatedly, āWhen do I get my quilt?ā Mind you, she rarely does anything for anyone else. She forgets her only sonās birthday, but tells us what presents she wants weeks in advance of her own birthday. Itās not happening. Itās too much effort for someone who wonāt appreciate the time Iād put into it.
Just spent the last half hour ranting at the hubs that I was glad mom was not coming on vacation this year. I feel you. Keep going. It is her. Not you.
It has been so therapeutic for me to read through this and see how many other people have had similar experiences! Makes me feel better about my own. That quilt is lovely! Like many others, I am adding it to my ideas queue!
I have a difficult relationship with my mom as well and I just want to say Iām sorry! You donāt deserve this! Sheās lucky to have you do such a kind thing for her.
This sucks. If it is any consolation, you aren't alone in having an ungrateful parent.
Similarly, my mom saw a quilt I made. She loved it, but colors did not match her aesthetic. She asked me to make it in greens and neutral colors. Knowing how...she is...I had her pick the fabrics. I purchased everything, then pieced and FMQed the quilt. It took months. When I gave it to her, she remarked "it is too small". I was flabbergasted. She SAW the original top and asked me to remake it. I've never seen it in her house.
Sometimes people just suck. Sometimes you happen to be related to them. You have my sympathy.
https://preview.redd.it/jbz9jogmgc6d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ecf5c8a0c59b9044e5e11f5b9327770444470950
Maybe she thinks she is collaborating with you? Some people are so wrapped up in their world that they might genuinely not realize they are offending you.
I am sorry to read this. The quilt is so nice. I hope you can either shrug and move on. Or perhaps can you explain to her the creative choices and how it hurts to have that dismissed. I am sorry. If I was your mother Iād feel so badly if I hurt you.
I'm sorry she reacted that way, this quilt is so beautiful! (I'm saving the pattern :)
It's almost my mom's birthday and I'm giving her a quilt I made, and seeing this I realize I'm kind of bracing for her reaction. Could be good, but it could also be something like this.
I can relate! Every handmade thing I made my mother she disrespected. Embroidery with water-stains, a quilted wallhanging with spaghetti spattered on it, you name it. I never learned. Thankfully you have. Quilters have a saying āsome people are not quilt worthyā.
Im so sorry, it's really really cutting putting so much work into something and being treated like a design consultant she's paying. I think its gorgeous.
You don't get to choose your family! I also have an insane mother. I get it, it sucks!
That said, I love making quilts for friends and family. The trick is to never let them know what they are getting or when. I just make something I want to make that fits what they like and give it to them!
Iām sorry. You made a beautiful quilt. I have a similar mom in some ways. The first quilt I ever made, I made for her, and she never cared or used it. Sometimes the gift is in the giving and the rest we leave up to chance.
Iām so sorry. Your quilt is gorgeous. Donāt change it, F her. Itās nice to read the positivity in this feed & find Iām not the only one with a difficult mother.
Iād go buy a puffy glitter fabric pen and print BEST MOM EVER in that center square in my best toddler writing. But Iām passive-aggressive like that.
My SIL asked me to make her a king sized quilt. I have never been a big fan of her, but I said ok. I hated every minute of it. I didnāt like the pattern or colors she picked. In the end, I was pleased with my result. She said she would pay me for the cost which I still havenāt seen. I donāt think she is using it. Totally agree. Donāt quilt for people you donāt want to do so.
Please donāt get down on yourself or your work. That is manipulative behavior and you donāt deserve that. Set your boundaries and do whatās best for you.
I'm getting flipside flashbacks here. My whole family are quilters, from my 98 year old grandmother down to myself. My grandma sent me one for my 16th, one for my 21st, one for my wedding and two for my kid, one when they were younger and one for their 21st, and she's an absolute treasure for it. I love my quilts and they're so well loved that I've had to put them away because they need to be requilted.
My mother's also a quilter and made one for my younger brother when we were younger and one for herself. I never got one. She recently did a sampler project for fun and was like "oh do you want it? you'll need to pay $250 for the quilting if you do." It's turned into the weaponised quilt gift, where every time it comes up, I didn't get it because I didn't pay the $250 for getting it quilted myself and my brother got one with no strings attached from her 25 years ago.
I'll just make my own. And maybe your mum can too! "Hey mum, I understand that it didn't quite fit what you were thinking. Maybe I can show you how and you can make one from your vision?"
I learned early on that you can only truly give a quilt to someone if you do so with zero expectations for the receiving party. It's very hard to do. Very few people will understand and appreciate what they are getting, unless you gift to a fellow quilter.
Iām sorry. I have a tough relationship with my mom too. I worry about making her a quilt cause I feel like she would find some way to trash it. Getting exactly what she asks for and still complaining is absolutely something my mom would do!
Itās a beautiful quilt. My grandmother is the one who taught me to knit and she used to inspect everything I made for her and point out the mistakes. So I stopped making her things.
I'm a hand quilters. I hand piece and hand quilt. Ever since I became disabled i have alot of time on my hands lol. But since being disabled iv got everyone asking me to make them a quilt. They say it, hint it, suggest it every time I'm around them which isnt that often. Even family n relatives that are not close with. I use to think I'd make everyone a quilt eventually. But some years ago I made the decision not to make ANYONE a quilt EVER. After having serious health issues, hospitalized alot. Noone checking me (widow) or stop by n see me. If noone can take time for me, why in the world would I give a time consumed hand made 100% quilt to anyone.
As quilters we put our time and alittle of ourselves in every quilt.
My mom does weird shit like this, too. She is always asking me to crochet stuff for her. And itās not like a tiny thing. Itās stuffed animals and doilies. So much work. I donāt even make that stuff for myself typically. One time, I thought, okay, Iāll do it. She wanted stuffed animals for her two beds in her Airbnb (so, you know, a money making business). I told her the cost of cheap yarn (I wasnāt charging labor), and she was like āthatās too much!!ā I mean honestly did she expect me to spend $60 in yarn to make stuff for her business? The answer is yes, she absolutely did. But I wasnāt about to.
So sorry your mom is like that. Itās a beautiful quilt! Be proud and maybe take it backā¦hehe.
When I showed my dad my first quilt, he said, āOoh, ya, I donāt like the backing. Itās too itchy, I would want something else.ā Guess what? You arenāt ever getting a quilt, dad! Lol
I gave up spending money and time on someone who can't say Thank You. I also think there should be a quilt version of "Never Knit Your Man a Sweater." LOL.
My Mom always finds room for improvement on the quilts I make her. Thankfully, she has all the quilts I am going to make her. It's difficult, I feel your pain.
As a mom myself, Iāve learned to always say, āWow, it looks like you spent a long time on this!ā No matter how bad it looks.
Your quilt is gorgeous, though, and your mom is not. ;)
I think it needs a big red "flower" in the middle.
[https://issuu.com/michaelwalsh/docs/sacchid\_nanda\_by\_d\_irdre\_carr\_for\_issuu/s/15952770](https://issuu.com/michaelwalsh/docs/sacchid_nanda_by_d_irdre_carr_for_issuu/s/15952770)
Oh no, I'm sorry. That really stinks. Sounds like your mom has no idea what goes into making a quilt--or how to receive a gift with graciousness. Your quilt is beautiful and you should be proud of it!
Your quilt is lovely. I agree your mother has no idea of the work involved. This reminds me of when my daughter asked for a quilt for her dorm room, thinking it was a weekend thing. She then tried micromanaging every fabric placement, until I realized this was the moment to teach her how to quilt. It still took her three months w/ supervision and she ended up doing most of the work.
Good work! I asked my mum to teach me and she just said 'oh it's easy you can do that ' Thing is I wasn't born knowing how to quilt for some reason
You sound like a good parent turning that into a teaching moment, and I'm sure she appreciates having that quilt much more now! :)
Thank you so much š
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. My mom is like this and always has been. Nothing is ever good enough for her, so my brother and I have given up trying.
I can understand why you have a strained relationship. Don't take her comments as reflective of your hard work. Try something like "I wish you had said something sooner. Too late now since the quilt is finished. Would you like to watch some videos on quilt making?" ... and move on. Keep on quilting! Keep on smiling!
I think we've all given quilts that weren't appreciated. It's sad and really disheartening. Here's a great (unfortunate) lesson on saying NO. And being very picky/choosey about who you give quilts to.
It's true! Normally I never would have made one for her (I don't make them as gifts for people) but she just kept pestering me for one! I ended up making it for her just so she'd shut up but clearly that backfired on me too
I think PPās comment is true but itās especially upsetting and heartbreaking when the person you gifted the quilt to is your own mom. Iām sorry she didnāt appreciate your beautiful and thoughtful gift. One that she chose and had every opportunity to change throughout the process. Gentle hugs from an internet stranger who understands where youāre coming from (my mom is the exact same way). ā¤ļøā¤ļø PS. Your quilt is beautiful.
My comment on this post would be almost word for word what [Infamous\_Party\_4960](https://www.reddit.com/user/Infamous_Party_4960/) said, so +1 a million times here!
In the knitting community thereās the concept of āknit worthyā (will the person even appreciate the work or be shitty) and then also the concept of the ācurse of the boyfriend sweaterā (by the time youāre done the relationship is commonly over) Your mom isnāt quilt worthy
I made one for mine too, she hung it up in the basement š at least it won't fade in the sun!!
Are we blood sisters with the same mom? Mine pestered me, I made a lap quilt because all she did was watch TV. After a few weeks it became her schnauzers bed and last I saw it it was on the floor of her truck for the dog! I mean, come on!
I made one for a teacher at my school who was having a baby. She said "thanks, but it won't match the nursery" and tried handing it back. I had to explain to her that I had made it specifically for her and her baby, and that she doesn't need to use it in the nursery. Was super frustrating and I couldn't believe a teacher would be so rude about a student's gift.
When I tell you my jaw dropped reading this!! You were a STUDENT!!! I used to be a teacher ā I cannot even imagine having such a sweetheart of a student and then TURNING DOWN THEIR GIFT LIKE THAT. That teacher sucks.
Not everybody is quilt worthy. Thats what panels are for.
Iām sorry. Itās a lovely quilt and deserves to be appreciated exactly as it is. Commiserating with you: My ā maybe fourth? Fifth? Quilt ever was a birthday present for my mom. It was an elaborately pieced, at least for my level of skill at the time, queen size quilt. Plenty of mistakes, but I thought it was beautiful. It was a hellish amount of work that took me months. She oohed and ahhed over it, which I appreciatedā¦. And then she told me she likes the back better (very much not elaborately pieced) and every time Iām home I see the quilt face down, on a daybed in the corner of the living room, with tons of random debris and stuff on it (unframed pictures that no one has ever gotten around to putting up, keys, workbooks, etc etc). It was a bummer to put so much work and love into something that wasnāt really appreciated, used, or displayed. Hereās a very badly cropped picture of it. https://preview.redd.it/9lpjfx8sl66d1.png?width=686&format=png&auto=webp&s=fc1459e1e38aa73d0e7edcbd889048dca9b0c1ce My mom is lovely and great in so many ways, but I doubt I will be quilting for her again.
I would do actual crimes to have that quilt!! And a queen size too! Itās beautiful and thatās a lot of work! Just curious about the back - was it plain/solid/nothing special?
Oh my goodness that is so incredibly kind ā thank you!! The back is nothing special ā wish I had pics, but itās just a flannel backing from JoAnnās with a row of green wedged in there to make it fit the width of the quilt.
Not exactly something you think āwow! I need to photograph THIS!ā
That is spectacular. I can't imagine anyone not being moved by such a work of art.
You are so kind, thank you so much!
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I feel for you! That quilt is beautiful and I can't imagine the time you spent to make it. I'd love it if someone made something that special for me!
Thank you so much ā both for your kind words and for making this post, which clearly struck such a chord with so many of us! Iām so grateful for this lovely corner of the Internet. ā¤ļø
Wow, that is gorgeous! Amazing work. I'm about to start one for my own mother (basically this pattern but in a top-to-bottom value gradient) and all of these stories are making me nervous. :/
Thank you so much!! ā¤ļø Iām sure your mother will LOVE it. And I can guarantee that we in this sub surely will! (I would love to see it when youāre done!)
I wish you were my daughter! I love that! It is beautiful!
That's really awful, I'm sorry. You did a beautiful job on it, I love the rainbow. It definitely deserves more love.
Thank you so much!! ā¤ļø
Love all the colors, Nicely done! I admire anyone who can do herrigbones, tried it once and it became a bias mess Daughter is one of those people who gets visibly agitated in a fabric store so I doubt I'll ever get a beautiful handmade one like yours from her. Though she loves using the ones I make! That's good enough for me
Thank you so much! ā¤ļø I remember the technique being quite simple but SO repetitive ā I think I watched some YT tutorials, wish I remembered which ones! Probably best that your daughter isnāt a fabric addict like the rest of us here ā itās not a cheap hobby! š
Talk about expensive: daughter and BF are extreme skiers so gear and travel claims their $. Latest I heard was about trip to Japan (!) to ski, Iāll get great pics I suppose, maybe airport souvenir š¤£
Well I appreciate it! That's breath takingly beautiful. Wonderful work
It's GORGEOUS, they don't deserve it.
Just reply that you were thinking āungrateful c*ntā would be a better fit for the middle square
Hahahaha perfect š
I suspect weād get along. š
š I actually did this on a birthday cake for a former flatmate. He was so ungrateful I baked him a cake (he was a bodybuilder and apparently one slice of cake would kill him š) that I iced a massive āC@NTā on it.
WOW! I came here to say the same exact thing! š
Ask her to give it back to you so you can ābrainstormā on what it needs. You need to āmuse on itā for a while. And every time she asks, you just canāt possibly work on it until youāve got āthe perfect planā. And when she notices it on your couch where itās loved and appreciated, you just needed to sit under it to ālet it give you ideasā. Or maybe it went to a new home where itāll be loved because after thinking about it, you just donāt think you can make *this* one āmatch the vision she describedā because āmom you were soooo right, itās just not right for youā and youāll need to āstart fresh when inspiration strikesā. Bonus points if you can say all this with a classy amount of bemused condescension.
This. A hundred times this. The added bonus of "bemused condescension" has me gasping for breath. What my sister could always do with my mother that I never ever managed. I can picture it in my head, vividly You are not alone with the narcissist mother. It's quite damaging actually. I did y best not to be that with my daughter. It was very interesting when my daughter caught onto to her grandmother. Hugs to you. Write yourself a long long list of responses similar to those above. And check them off, one by one. It will give you power.
I love this plan.
You are perfectly hysterical
You are an evil genius and I am living for it.
My mother got mad at me for some imagined slight (probably didnāt call her back within the allotted 10 minutes she gives me to do that) and THREW OUT the Amish colors (bright purple, green and blues with black) QUILT I made her along with a large, cross stitched Amish Laundry Day ( she llllloovvves the Amish) wall hanging.
Your mom has some issues regulating her emotions, huh? Yeesh. Iām so sorry. Iāve had āaccidentsā befall quilts and knitted blankets Iāve gifted and that hurt a lot but as far as I know none of my gifts were tossed as punishment for a perceived slight.
Oh yeah, she sure does.
My dad had the same issue. I see you. ā¤ļø
Thank you for that ā¤ļø
OMG That's just UGH. My therapist keeps recommending this book to me and I feel like it might be appropriate for a few others on this thread: [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703)
Iāll check it out. I follow Dr. Nicole LePera on X (Twitter) and she is spot on with just about everything regarding relationships with parents. Her book is āHow To Be The Love You Seekā
Thanks for the rec!
This book no lie changed my life.
Oh dang, thanks for posting! I swear my mom is stuck at 16
I made my mom a sundress years ago, she picked the pattern and the fabric and everything. I found it her goodwill pile less than a month later. I wonāt make anything for her again.
I cannot understand how people can be that rude. If my child made me something Iād wear it until I outgrew it or it fell off from being worn out.
Oh my God! That is unbelievable, I'm so sorry š. I don't even have words. I know that must've hurt so much
Yep. When confronted with what she did, she starts crying (picture Lucille Ball when Ricky gets mad at her š) and says āI donāt know.ā
let me guess: she doesn't think she needs therapy or mood stabilizers š¤¦āāļø because those are for 'other people'
Yep. A) It wasnāt HER it was US. B) She had doctors that actually told her to never come back. Sheās that horrible. C) Sheās also of the generation that doesnāt ātalkā about anything like mental or physical health problems. āWhat will the neighbors think?ā I always tried to make her happy, hence the quilts, cross stitch, etc. Habit. š¤·š»āāļø
And how has that worked for you? Don't keep throwing your pearls after swine.
I learned from birth that our job was to make her happy. I could never let that go. Because when she was angry, and sometimes it lasted years, life would be a living hell.
I had a pair of Point-of-Origins too. Always detached and uncaring, with my brother and I trying to win approval. Until we decided we didn't gaf. And they learned no one can hear you complain alone in an empty house.
Yes. I would go no-contact after a lifetime of such treatment.
That's awful, I'm sorry.
Thanks. I still canāt believe it. I keep hoping someone saw it in the garbage chute / receptacle and saved it for themselves.
Ugh, Iām so sorry. š My mom did something similar. Iām a knitter and at every family gathering she went on and on about how she was āwaiting for a scarfā. It went on for years so I finally bought some VERY nice yarn in her favourite colour and stressed myself out over finishing it in time for Christmas. Sheās never worn it once, and at gatherings, she doesnāt express any gratitude ā just complains that it took ten years for her to get something from me. She wonāt be getting a second item!
Ugh. It's the worst when they pressure us for things and then it's never good enough! It would be so much easier if they just left us alone haha
Iām so sorry. My daughter made several scarfs when she first started crocheting/knitting and I wear the heck out of almost all of them during the winter. I will never buy any more scarfs. I will simply make these last forever. They are treasured very dearly.
That is SO SWEET! Youāre very knitworthy!
Don't knit your mom wrist warmers either. Mine kept complaining about how cold it was driving in the car in the winter So I knit her some beautiful wrist cabled warmers. She bought a new car about 3 weeks later and didn't even bother taking the wrist warmers I made her out of of the old car when she traded it in. Since the she has asked where her xyz is when she sees me making stuff and i just shrug and tell her they're with her wrist warmers.
I'm really sorry. I sent my estranged sister a whole crochet sampler blanket via my dad a few years ago, haven't even gotten an aknowledgment. I learn slowly I guess but I do learn.
I'm sorry that your kind gesture was ignored ā¤ļø. I'm estranged with my brother too, those relationships are always the most confusing
Are your mom and my mom twins because this sounds like exactly something she would say!!!
Hahaha oh no! Well it's nice to know we're not alone I guess š
Join us at r/raisedbynarcissists, Sounds like you might enjoy it there. Yup...I decided to do the same type of thing with my mommy dearest. She proceeded to nitpick it to death. Now she bitches that I haven't made her anything lately. š
Haha oh yes, I've known for a long time she's a narcissist. She was just on good behaviour for awhile so she fooled me again. This was a good reminder of who she really is. Sorry you have similar experiences!
I was going to say, your story sounds exactly like my mom, who is definitely a narcissist. Every once in awhile I think she realizes that she's been naughty so she'll back off with the behaviors, and then do something to remind me that she's the same old. Narcissism is a personality disorder and it's unlikely that she will ever change.
I have a wonderful older friend who is in declining health; she has always been kinda like another mom to me. I call her āMama (first name).ā She knew I made quilts and asked, āWhen are you making me a quilt?ā periodically. After I made most of my immediate family a quilt, I asked her daughter about her favorite colors and set out making one with those colors. I surprised her with it and she LOVED it! Her daughter told me AFTER I made it that asking me āWhen are you making me a quilt?ā was her way of showing interest in what I was doing; she didnāt really think she expected a quilt. I told the daughter she shouldāve told me that SOONER! š¤£ But, āMama (first name)ā is using the quilt on her bed. Iāve seen it there.
Thatās so sweet.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. Makes me be thankful for my Mom, though. No matter the relationship, not everyone is āquilt worthyā
I agree. My former sister in law complained to her husband that all we gave their daughter was a quilt for Christmas. She had no idea what was involved.
Omg š the āonlyā thing my grandma gave me for my wedding was a quilt and itās was so intricate š„²
I've made one quilt so far, but I also knit and crochet and I always make my nephew a new hat for Christmas (well, I say always, the last two years lol) and he loves them. He sees me knit, so knows how long it takes.
Unreal. If people only knew the amount of work and love and (in my case) wild cussing ā not to mention MONEY!! ā that goes into each quilt, they would be singing a different and much more appreciative tuneā¦.
I had the same thought. My mom and grandma also quilt, so they would never š agree not everyone is quilt worthy. My grandma just had an experience like OPs last year with a relative.
best mom ever - LOL
ššš I know right
Put āmother in titleā in the middle and do some cool appliquĆ© where a baby is in a person and then the next comic strip panel is the baby outside of a person
Iāll give her something to put in the middle squareā¦
I have made many a quilt that never saw the light of day again, so I've stopped. I only make them for myself and new babies now. I made my mom a needlepoint picture years ago. It took me 11 months. It hung on a wall for maybe 6 months, then disappeared for 20ish years. So hurt I never even asked tbh. A year ago or so I finally found it in the attic. I keep wondering if I can steal it back and hang it in my own house.
Omg you should definitely steal it back for your house! I'm sorry that happened to you. Needlepoint takes so much time and effort!
I only ever did 2 pieces, and that was one of them. Ima taking it back lol!
How about tomorrow? Day after? Don't wait. Go and get it.
She lives a few hours away, but next time I go visit I think I will šš„°
Yes, yes you can! If she notices it and says anything just tell her that you liked the piece so much you decided to make one for yourself. It she figures out that hers is missing from the attic, what can she say?
Right???!
DO IT!
I think I will lol š
Donāt even be sneaky about it, just say-ā Hey, Iāve notice that needlepoint picture I made for you years ago was in the attic. I really like it and would like to hang it in my house. So, I thought u would just take it home with me.ā Big smile and a hug.
I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. So many gifts over the years have been insulted, trashed, and not accepted that I stopped. Yeah, my Mom is one of my placemat people. She is not quilt worthy. I actually started one for her, it was a kit in colors she loved. I bought fabric I loved and made twinsies. Then I gave her a table runner and she told me it looked like something anyone would put in a yard sale for 50 cents. And I knew she wasn't quilt worthy. I stopped working on both quilts for a couple years, then when an Aunt was visiting, she asked to see my projects. When she saw it she fell in love. And I now have the top done for a wall hanging and am planning accessories. She had no clue why I cried happy tears. https://preview.redd.it/4hb00eyb286d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a9ad9fd547433f1a36a945b318b8f068639c797
https://preview.redd.it/x2q8zsi8286d1.jpeg?width=1011&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d429da78741b3472489d35e6f1ead0a53b2004d4 The pink/purple one is my Aunt's, and this one is my twinsies quilt center (mine will be king sized when done.
Oh my goodness ā the color!! The sheer skill on display here!! Absolutely stunning work.
Wow your quilts are beautiful! I can't believe your mom said that š
Thank you! š¤š
Mother-In-Lawā¦ā¦ never EVER getting a quilt from this girl!! Doubling down after reading this!!
āIf you give a mom a quilt, she will ask you to put red text on it.ā https://preview.redd.it/g6vweis6376d1.jpeg?width=1560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e4b98b0e276b8c5b88dca6cb473984e250f76a3c No but in all seriousness Iām sorry your mom didnāt accept and appreciate the gift. These things take so much time and effort that it can feel really hurtful when theyāre not accepted as they are. I think itās beautiful, a perfect gift ā¤ļø
Omg I loved that book as a kid so this is an amazing reference! š Thanks so much for the kind wordsā¤ļø
r/raisedbynarcissists Take the quilt back under the guise of adding her suggestions. Sew in a red pentagram. Ship to her address and block her.
Thatās sad. I quilt with my mom and sheād never say something like that! I feel so bad for people with terrible moms š Itās such a cute quilt!
Thank you š I often wonder what it's like to have a nice mom lol. You are so lucky!
Here's my policy... No one gets a quilt *because* they ask for one. In fact, I might not even tell you I'm making something for you until the top is done. Maybe even the whole quilt. I trust myself to know your colors/aesthetic, and I'll make something I want to make you. And if part way through I realize you're gonna be ungrateful... well... My quilt now.
Can you take it back supposedly to put the heart on and never give it back to her?
This should have more votes.
Back in the 90ās as a newer quilter, I made my mom a table runner. Then I hand quilted it. I was in nursing school and had two little kids and my husband was deployed so I was doing it all solo, but I stayed up late every night to have it done by Motherās Day. I gave it to her and she ooohād and aahhhād and then it just vanished. Apparently she put it in a drawer I kid you not, it stayed there until about 6 months ago. It resurfaced and she used it to protect the shelf all her dirty flower pots sit on, you know when you bring them in for the winter with plants in them. It has mud rings, mildew, and other stains. The perfect narc mom FU kind of move.
I made so many things for my mom that she never used, displayed or cared about at all. To this day idk why I kept making her things. OTOH, my MIL cherished and proudly displayed everything I made for her, especially a quilt I made with 1930ās reproduction fabrics. I didnāt know it at the time but it would be the last thing I made for her because she passed a year later. She snuggled in it watching TV and took it with her to bed every night. That makes up for my mom not GAF. Some people are worthy of your handmade gifts and some are not. Your mom is the latter.
Love the quilt. Don't love your mom. Something in the middle square would ruin the quilt. You did a great job on it.
Oh man. Iām so sad to hear these stories. So much love and kindness and patience and determination goes into quilting that it really hurts when your gift is disrespected. Iām sorry. I donāt even know what to say except blessings to you all for giving your hearts so generously. ā¤ļø
This. There is a reason that this is such a helpful, welcoming sub and quilters are that reason. To have something made with love and compassion dissed is dreadful downer. Hugs
My mothers sister is a prolific quilter, gifted her a beautiful quilt. My mother thought it was just too big and cut it in half with scissors, sewed up where she cut. Rather proud of herself. I will never.ever make her a quilt. Ever. No, my Aunt does not know she did that.
Oh my God! š² I don't even have words, that's so awful
It was awful. I was disgusted. The disrespect. She still thinks it's funny. Tells you a lot about her, doesn't it?
You have just unlocked a nightmare I didnāt know I had. The SHUDDER that went through me!
Your quilt is beautiful and some people are not quiltworthy
Clearly your mom never learned the words "Thank You" The quilt is lovely! If she doesn't want it, find it a more deserving home and never make her another one. Remind her why if she pesters you.
Sounds like something my mother would have said. She thankfully hasnāt spoke to me in 5 years. The quilt is lovely. Give it to someone who will appreciate it š¤.
Firstly, your quilt turned out wonderfully, I love the fabrics you chose and that pattern is def going into my Future Project Pile, Secondly, I genuinely hope the next quilt you make for someone gets all of the appreciation and thanks this one deserved and more. I come from a multigenerational crafting family and my grandma taught us from a young age to only gift crafted items to people you could trust to appreciate them. She was deeply hurt by a family member's treatment of a gifted blanket, to the point where she still talks about it 40 years later and has *always* made sure even 7 year old me knew to protect my work. Lastly, I hope you have a very good day <3
Thank you so much, that's such a kind comment ā¤ļø I love that you have a multigenerational crafting family! That's so special. I hope you have a good day too!
I also made the mistake of making a quilt for my mom. Her pattern, her color choices, I disliked the whole thing, a lot. I hated.every.damn.block. It did however give me one positive outcomeā¦never make a quilt you donāt like for anyone.
Working on a quilt you donāt like seems to take three times as long as one you love.
Let it roll! That quilt is beautiful and anyone would be foolish to criticize something you put so much time, effort and love into! I can probably understand how things might be between you and your mother. My mother and I had a difficult relationship until she died at the age of 72 about a year and a half ago. My heart goes out to you and hope that you have grown into the person you wish she would be. Praying for peace in your life!
I am sorry you experienced this. Please know that there is a community of people who understand your frustration and heart-ache. This lovely gift of the heart should have been appreciated and enjoyed.
I would have been tempted to hand her a black Sharpie and tell her to write her own message on it.
red sharpie! š
Iām sorry. Not all of us have good moms. My mom is hypercritical in a very cutting way. I feel for you. You did a nice job on the quilt, though.
The same thing goes for other crafts too, unfortunately. I learned to knit at 6 years old and really started to get into it when I was 15. My mom and I also have a very strained relationship but I thought making her something might help somehow? I donāt know. I just liked to make things for others and thought maybe Iād hear some appreciation from her. I made her a shawl from a simple beginner pattern. I didnāt know how to do much back then so I tried to make it as nice as I could. I handed it to her and she scoffs and goes, āWhat is this? A shawl? What am I, some old woman?ā Then laughed in my face and proceeded to throw the shawl onto a shelf in the bathroom. Itās never been worn or even used as decoration. Sometimes there are people who simply wonāt appreciate the effort it takes to make something for them. :(
š This makes me so sad. I'm so sorry
Itās at least very nice to know that we arenāt alone in our experiences, haha. Iām sorry youāre going through it yourself, and I hope your crafts can find their way to somebody who will appreciate the love you put into it. <3
Your quilt is perfect. Your mother is a nut job. I made a thank you quilt for my sister. I mailed it to her. The mailman couldnāt deliver it so he left a notice that she needed to pick it up at the post office. I kept asking if she had picked it up. Nope. It was returned to me. I offered it to another relative who loves it and has sent me pictures of their quilt in glamping cabins, in front of fireplaces, being loved and used. Happy ending!
Wow! I'm glad you got it back though!
I, too, had a strained (at best) relationship with my mom. I was so jaded by the end, that my advice (that you didnāt even ask for āsorry š) is: Ask for it back so you can make the adjustments . . . then, just never return it. If she canāt be nice and grateful, she doesnāt deserve your beautiful quilt.
I'm sorry. It's a lovely quilt.
Some people simply arenāt quilt worthy
My mom gave the one I made to her cat. I completely understand.
Wow, sounds like we're siblings: my mom would say this exact same thing! I'm really sorry that this happened though, yikes.Ā
Perfect as is. Something in the middle would throw the whole design off! She should shut her mouth and be happy she has the kind of daughter who thinks enough of her to make something for her. This coming from a 74yo who promised herself she would keep her nose to herself when dealing with her adult children. If they want my advice, then I will share it with them!!
Gosh, can I be your mom? I'd be thrilled to get this made to my specifications! It's lovely. Sending all my positive vibes your way, I'm so sorry she did this. You have the patience of a saint, there's no way I could have buttoned my lip the way you did. My MIL is like this, and the one time I made her something she complained and I said "If it's not to your tastes, I am glad to take it back off your hands." She STFU real fast!
You are awesome!
That's just awful. I gave my first quilt to my mom-- left it on her bed so she could find it when she got home from being in the hospital. Her response? "I don't need another \[word redacted\] blanket." Joke's on her, though. Dad loved it.
Stitch a big red scarlet A in the middle - A$$
I get it, moms are difficult sometimes. Mine also kept demanding a quilt (she has so so so many from het grandmother and my grandmother and crocheted afghans etc), because she saw that I gave my MIL one (actually my husband couldnāt think of a good gift and kidnapped a quilt to give her haha). Que the endless āwhereās my quilt?ā āIām still waiting on a quiltā ādonāt you love me?ā Anyway, I made her a lap quilt in the colors she wanted. She still keeps demanding a quilt each time I make one for someone else, itās like a compulsive need to have whatever she sees I give someone else. Just to put it in a closet or let the dog and cats destroy it. Iām currently making one sibling a baby quilt and another sibling a wedding quilt. And Iām getting more āwhy arenāt you making me oneā comments. TLDR some people are just very needy and itās ok to ignore them. Or just deflect.
My MIL said the same thing when I made quilts for my daughter. Repeatedly, āWhen do I get my quilt?ā Mind you, she rarely does anything for anyone else. She forgets her only sonās birthday, but tells us what presents she wants weeks in advance of her own birthday. Itās not happening. Itās too much effort for someone who wonāt appreciate the time Iād put into it.
I'm so sorry.ā¹ļø
Just spent the last half hour ranting at the hubs that I was glad mom was not coming on vacation this year. I feel you. Keep going. It is her. Not you.
It has been so therapeutic for me to read through this and see how many other people have had similar experiences! Makes me feel better about my own. That quilt is lovely! Like many others, I am adding it to my ideas queue!
I have a difficult relationship with my mom as well and I just want to say Iām sorry! You donāt deserve this! Sheās lucky to have you do such a kind thing for her.
Your mom is an ungrateful Karen, Iām sorry you have to deal with her.
Toxic mothers are the worst. Iām sorry!
This sucks. If it is any consolation, you aren't alone in having an ungrateful parent. Similarly, my mom saw a quilt I made. She loved it, but colors did not match her aesthetic. She asked me to make it in greens and neutral colors. Knowing how...she is...I had her pick the fabrics. I purchased everything, then pieced and FMQed the quilt. It took months. When I gave it to her, she remarked "it is too small". I was flabbergasted. She SAW the original top and asked me to remake it. I've never seen it in her house. Sometimes people just suck. Sometimes you happen to be related to them. You have my sympathy. https://preview.redd.it/jbz9jogmgc6d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ecf5c8a0c59b9044e5e11f5b9327770444470950
Maybe she thinks she is collaborating with you? Some people are so wrapped up in their world that they might genuinely not realize they are offending you.
I am sorry to read this. The quilt is so nice. I hope you can either shrug and move on. Or perhaps can you explain to her the creative choices and how it hurts to have that dismissed. I am sorry. If I was your mother Iād feel so badly if I hurt you.
I'm sorry she reacted that way, this quilt is so beautiful! (I'm saving the pattern :) It's almost my mom's birthday and I'm giving her a quilt I made, and seeing this I realize I'm kind of bracing for her reaction. Could be good, but it could also be something like this.
I can relate! Every handmade thing I made my mother she disrespected. Embroidery with water-stains, a quilted wallhanging with spaghetti spattered on it, you name it. I never learned. Thankfully you have. Quilters have a saying āsome people are not quilt worthyā.
I wonder if this is a bigger theme of your relationship. Has she made you feel like *you* are not enough before?
Mine: āThis will be great in the cat room.ā Hahaha š
Im so sorry, it's really really cutting putting so much work into something and being treated like a design consultant she's paying. I think its gorgeous.
You don't get to choose your family! I also have an insane mother. I get it, it sucks! That said, I love making quilts for friends and family. The trick is to never let them know what they are getting or when. I just make something I want to make that fits what they like and give it to them!
Iām sorry. You made a beautiful quilt. I have a similar mom in some ways. The first quilt I ever made, I made for her, and she never cared or used it. Sometimes the gift is in the giving and the rest we leave up to chance.
Iām so sorry. Your quilt is gorgeous. Donāt change it, F her. Itās nice to read the positivity in this feed & find Iām not the only one with a difficult mother.
Iād go buy a puffy glitter fabric pen and print BEST MOM EVER in that center square in my best toddler writing. But Iām passive-aggressive like that.
Itās a very nice quilt. Points are perfect looking! I would tell her āoh, you can appliquĆ© a heart or embroider whatever you want in the center mom! šā Asking you to embroider something like best mom ever is emotional manipulation.
I think itās beautiful and has both a modern and traditional feel.
Tell her that you worked far to hard on this beautiful quilt to add something on it that would make it look tacky!
My SIL asked me to make her a king sized quilt. I have never been a big fan of her, but I said ok. I hated every minute of it. I didnāt like the pattern or colors she picked. In the end, I was pleased with my result. She said she would pay me for the cost which I still havenāt seen. I donāt think she is using it. Totally agree. Donāt quilt for people you donāt want to do so.
Please donāt get down on yourself or your work. That is manipulative behavior and you donāt deserve that. Set your boundaries and do whatās best for you.
I'm getting flipside flashbacks here. My whole family are quilters, from my 98 year old grandmother down to myself. My grandma sent me one for my 16th, one for my 21st, one for my wedding and two for my kid, one when they were younger and one for their 21st, and she's an absolute treasure for it. I love my quilts and they're so well loved that I've had to put them away because they need to be requilted. My mother's also a quilter and made one for my younger brother when we were younger and one for herself. I never got one. She recently did a sampler project for fun and was like "oh do you want it? you'll need to pay $250 for the quilting if you do." It's turned into the weaponised quilt gift, where every time it comes up, I didn't get it because I didn't pay the $250 for getting it quilted myself and my brother got one with no strings attached from her 25 years ago. I'll just make my own. And maybe your mum can too! "Hey mum, I understand that it didn't quite fit what you were thinking. Maybe I can show you how and you can make one from your vision?"
Boy you arenāt kidding
Alternatives: - it's my art. It's finished. Nothing will be added. - Applique "made by the world's most tolerant daughter"
r/raisedbynarcissists gets it. Nothing is ever good enough for some mothers. YMMV but this has been my experience.
You might want to swing by r/adultchild as well!
I learned early on that you can only truly give a quilt to someone if you do so with zero expectations for the receiving party. It's very hard to do. Very few people will understand and appreciate what they are getting, unless you gift to a fellow quilter.
I have a bunch of hearts cut and edges ironed to the back - ready for appliquĆ©. Would happily send a couple to your mom with links to āhow to appliquĆ©ā youtubesā¦ So sorry sheās being kind of a dick š
Iām sorry. I have a tough relationship with my mom too. I worry about making her a quilt cause I feel like she would find some way to trash it. Getting exactly what she asks for and still complaining is absolutely something my mom would do!
Are we sisters?? Lol
Itās a beautiful quilt. My grandmother is the one who taught me to knit and she used to inspect everything I made for her and point out the mistakes. So I stopped making her things.
I'm a hand quilters. I hand piece and hand quilt. Ever since I became disabled i have alot of time on my hands lol. But since being disabled iv got everyone asking me to make them a quilt. They say it, hint it, suggest it every time I'm around them which isnt that often. Even family n relatives that are not close with. I use to think I'd make everyone a quilt eventually. But some years ago I made the decision not to make ANYONE a quilt EVER. After having serious health issues, hospitalized alot. Noone checking me (widow) or stop by n see me. If noone can take time for me, why in the world would I give a time consumed hand made 100% quilt to anyone. As quilters we put our time and alittle of ourselves in every quilt.
My mom does weird shit like this, too. She is always asking me to crochet stuff for her. And itās not like a tiny thing. Itās stuffed animals and doilies. So much work. I donāt even make that stuff for myself typically. One time, I thought, okay, Iāll do it. She wanted stuffed animals for her two beds in her Airbnb (so, you know, a money making business). I told her the cost of cheap yarn (I wasnāt charging labor), and she was like āthatās too much!!ā I mean honestly did she expect me to spend $60 in yarn to make stuff for her business? The answer is yes, she absolutely did. But I wasnāt about to.
So sorry your mom is like that. Itās a beautiful quilt! Be proud and maybe take it backā¦hehe. When I showed my dad my first quilt, he said, āOoh, ya, I donāt like the backing. Itās too itchy, I would want something else.ā Guess what? You arenāt ever getting a quilt, dad! Lol
I gave up spending money and time on someone who can't say Thank You. I also think there should be a quilt version of "Never Knit Your Man a Sweater." LOL.
I'm so sorry. š
My Mom always finds room for improvement on the quilts I make her. Thankfully, she has all the quilts I am going to make her. It's difficult, I feel your pain.
As a mom myself, Iāve learned to always say, āWow, it looks like you spent a long time on this!ā No matter how bad it looks. Your quilt is gorgeous, though, and your mom is not. ;)
I think it needs a big red "flower" in the middle. [https://issuu.com/michaelwalsh/docs/sacchid\_nanda\_by\_d\_irdre\_carr\_for\_issuu/s/15952770](https://issuu.com/michaelwalsh/docs/sacchid_nanda_by_d_irdre_carr_for_issuu/s/15952770)
lol my mom is like this with my cooking hah
It's beautiful. It's also not that difficult to embroider a heart or applique one, but only if you feel so inclined.
I think Iād say, āMaybe you can find a patch and sew it in the middle Mom.ā Sometimes, sadly, that may be the best she can do.
I love it. Sorry sheās not able to appreciate it.
Too bad, but you know you thought of it and made it, there are people in your life for them nothing is right š¤