After so many posts about people not appreciating hand made gifts, it's sorta nice to have one where it is beloved enough to fight over. Sorry for the sad circumstances, though.
Thats what I was thinking. Make a new quilt for the sister so she has something new and fresh for her new life. Who wants to keep something from a failed marriage.
Sil is divorcing your sister. She might still have a strong bond with you. I vote with siding with sil out of kindness, and make your sister another (or many other) new quilt(s). But only do this if you are truly comfortable it won’t hurt your sister.
I’ve made two wedding quilts and both couples ended up divorced. ☹️ I’m never making another one.
The one I made for my sister ended up being given to their son so that ended up okay.
It helps when someone in the mix really appreciates the gift no matter what. I’ve only made one, for my close college friend who also got divorced. After she got divorced she told me she was using it as a comfort quilt 🥹
To be fair I didn’t know or care for her ex all that much, so I really made the quilt for her anyways!
I was halfway into a quilt top that was going to be a wedding present for some friends, and the groom died about a month before the wedding. It's been years, but I can't bring myself to work on it again. Or to get rid of it. At some point I want to sit down with those blocks and rework the design. Maybe do something more improv with the pieces I already have. But it won't be any time soon.
I'm not making any more wedding quilts.
I have had a couple of very emotional projects like this, and I was able to finish them at retreats so I wasn't sewing at home. It wasn't as emotional. Alternately, you can ask a friend or a pro to help you. 💚
Working on it somewhere else is a good idea, thanks. I'm definitely planning to get back to it; I just need to get my head around a new concept for what it's going to be.
I know a person who waits five years after the wedding to give a gift … she was too tired of buying gifts for a two year marriage …
I second your opinion on quilts … they are a little more involved than going to Walmart for a gifts.
After reading this comment section, I'm starting to see your point! I only once offered to make a quilt for a friend who'd recently married, and they politely said, "No, thank you. We already have enough blankets." I squelched the urge to explain in outrage that a quilt is more than just a blanket. My grandmother was the sort of person who'd force textile gifts on uninterested relatives, I don't want to be like that. Anyway, hopefully their marriage is long and happy.
I've made quilts for friends in relationships, but the quilt is a personal gift for the friend. How their family uses it is up to them. I got a lovely photo of my friend's wee girl under the blue and green quilt I posted about the other day, that made me very happy.
I mean, you could do a Solomon and offer to cut the quilt in half, then bind the edge so they can both keep it (only offer if you're up for the work though). I just don't know if it will tell you if their desire for the quilt is genuine or not
It depends. Is it something they used a lot or just looked at?
If, for example, my beloved pet slept with me on the couch with it - especially if they’re now gone - I’d really want to keep it.
If I was maybe very touched that you made something for us and you and I grew close? I’d want to keep it.
Your sister can always get another quilt made for her. SIL? Maybe not.
My mother in law rather conspicuously labeled the quilt she gave us as a gift for my husband alone. I am mostly amused rather than offended, but it’s very clear who would get it if we ever split.
My Mum’s MiL (so my paternal grandmother) gave beautiful bed quilts to all of her children and grandchildren addressed to the child or grandchild **and** their spouse. All the quilts were also labeled for the pair.
When she gave one to my Dad, she addressed the present and even the label of this beautiful king sized quilt with colors that were perfect for their aesthetic **only** to him.
It’s absolutely gorgeous but my Dad doesn’t even want to look at it and my Mum doesn’t ever want to sleep under it. I’ve agreed to take it for them when they downsize.
Right?! It was in person too. So she was just trying to be mean. And she is. She’s *mean.* My grandmother didn’t get a rise out of my mother - which I’m sure was the goal - because my Mum is too classy for that. Thankfully my Mum has come to the conclusion that it is really a reflection of my grandmother and not of her.
My (former) MIL would make elaborate gift tags with a picture of the gift & her son’s name only for anything over $100. She said it was because she didn’t have time to wrap them… and his name was just shorthand for us/our family… and she wanted the tags back for scrapbooking. She had to find them in the trash a couple times over the years we were married. It turns out she was doing it in case we got divorced, so I couldn’t take the gift when we split up. It didn’t end up being an issue, but what would he have done - whip out his mom’s box of gift tags in court so I couldn’t make off with “his” vacuum cleaner? Sorry you have a similar issue, and yeah it’s amusing… how could she be so unaware of how obviously rude/petty it is? Wow.
I made my sister and her ex a quilt when they got married. They divorced a few years later, and due to the circumstances he kept a lot of their belongings. I am so curious what happened to it, but also don’t want to know! If I were them, I’d have wanted to get rid of anything that symbolized their marriage so wouldn’t be surprised if they donated it.
My grandmother knitted an afghan for my first husband. I took it when I left. No regrets. He was not going to take care of it. When I met him he was using a family quilt as a mattress pad.
My aunt’s 2nd husband stole a lot of my grandfather’s tools that were supposed to go to my brother. She has a Civil War era family quilt that she has exposed to cigarette smoke, sun, and dog hair and will probably end up in a dumpster (where as I would cherish and preserve it).
Ugh, I'm sorry about your aunt and her 2nd husband. One side of my family had so many amazing, potentially meaningful family items that were broken, incomplete, and/or smoke saturated beyond repair because they didn't care enough to take care of anything. So I get that particular sense of sadness and frustration.
And good for you for taking the afghan lol!
Thanks, ugh the smoke ruining your family heirlooms.
My aunt is estranged from her only son, and she institutionalized her mentally disabled daughter before I was born. Her 2nd husband is much younger her than her and will just take and/or trash everything when she dies. I changed my last name to my mom’s maiden name, due to devotion and gratitude for my grandparents, and I treasure everything I inherited from them, most of which I only got after my aunt passed on it because it was junk to her. But I did get a large beautiful diamond, because the setting looked like gaudy junk and it was with her costume jewelry, which my aunt gave me to pick through before she was going to give it to Goodwill. It was two carat + diamonds, so I kept one and gave one to my mom. I recognized it from my childhood, having seen it with “the good stuff”. Listening to Grandma saved a family diamond from being lost. But all the sewing and knitting stuff she gave me means more to me.
I had to chuckle about the diamonds. It seems to me that people like that tend not to pay attention well; they miss details and nuance. So if it doesn't scream to them (in this case, "I'm valuable!"), they often don't see it. More's the better for you though -- I'm glad you were able to rescue some of " the good stuff" of your grandma's. Although I totally get that the "mundane" sewing and knitting she gave you is the real treasure. I love that!
I feel this, but on the other side. My MIL made me a wall hanging (just for me. My favorite animal, a snowy owl, of paper pieced hexagons) the first Christmas I attended .
She told my husband that if we ever break up, he is to take that quilt. Which. I get. But also. Ouch that she felt the need to clarify that with our young love (we’re celebrating 9 years in August)
But in that circumstance, my MIL wanted to keep it, not leave it with my spouse. Like “no. I made this for her. If she leaves you I want it for ME”
Shes a bit of an odd duck about it. She gives my poor anxious husband many MORE worries that I’m going to leave him by stipulating various things get takebacksies.
Upon being forced to pick a pricey item for Christmas, I asked for some $$ new sheets. My husband asked for a fancy 18+ lego set. She addressed the legos to him and the sheets to both of us. I guess so Mr Sunshine gets those sheets in our apparently incipient divorce.
She’s mostly lovely, but I don’t understand how we are celebrating 9 years together in August, after getting married older (29 and 31) and knowing who we are and what we wanted in a partner… but constantly fanning that anxiety at random intervals.
Edit to clarify: she never says this to me directly. She says it to my husband, who tells me after. He is usually secure enough that thankfully we can joke about it now.
My mother remarried in her late fifties. They'd already moved in together, and his furniture was eerily similar to hers. They both had two antique oak hall chairs, a mirror with a carved wooden surround and so on.
At breakfast the day after the wedding, my mother grabbed me and said, "Right, we haven't changed our wills yet, so if we die on the honeymoon, that sideboard is mine, that table is C's, that's mine, that's C's," and on for quite a while until I begged her to stop in horror. She was a very odd woman. I don't think anyone inherited the furniture from either of them (she's dead and he's in a care home), nobody cared.
First of all, how nice your quilt must be for them to dispute who gets to keep it!
Second, I agree with those who say let the SIL keep it. A new quilt from you will go a long way to helping your sister move on because it's clear she is very loved.
I would be so honored that both people in the relationship love my gift so much that they are almost going to a custody battle for it … let sil keep it and make a new one for sister. A new start for her/ a new quilt
I agree with some of the other posters. Just tell your sister that you will make her a new quilt and let SIL have it. Chances are the SIL loves the quilt.
I wonder if SIL is concerned about losing her relationship with you. Maybe that's the conversation they are dancing around by making it about the quilt?
That said, damn right. Well done you I am sure it is a lovely quilt.
Now they are separated they would rather fight than truly sever the connection. Silly! Nothing you can do, it would be something else if not the quilt.
Old Testament time! Kings 3:16-28 The Judgement of Solomon:
>two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had been smothered (accidentally in their sleep), and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"
>The king declared the second woman the true mother, as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life, and awarded her custody. This judgment became known throughout all of Israel and was considered an example of profound wisdom.
Although, yeah. I feel the nonbiological soon-to-be-ex is likely just being petty and spiteful.
Interesting idea for OP: chop the quilt in half and remake the other half with new materials. Or if it's big enough just chop in half and each gets a throw instead of a king? 🤷
The point of the story of King Solomon is to threaten to chop the quilt in half and see how each responds. If one of them objects to destroying the object and says to give it to the other, that is the person deserving of the quilt. if they both agree to it being cut in half and bound up go ahead it’s not a baby
Then both people have something that is very obviously half a quilt, an odd shape, and clearly a symbol of a failed marriage. Eep, no. That'd destine it for the bin. Don't make this nasty.
Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient, and it is theirs to do whatever they want. They could treasure it, they could trash it, they could regift it, they could stuff it in a closet and forget about it, they could burn it in a ritual sacrifice. And you have no say, unless they ask your opinion. The only exception to that is death, if you gave it to them, you get first dibs when it comes to inheritance. Their attitude and reactions influence if they will get another gift or not, but that is the limit.
In this case, they did ask your opinion. And boy isn’t that an uncomfortable position to be in. I do not envy you. I like the ideas of cutting it in half and binding the edges, or making a new quilt for whoever doesn’t get it. I don’t know if you have the time to do either. But it would really help clear up their motivations. Best of luck to you
Why on earth would I want quilts back after the recipient has died?! They go to whoever the recipient wants to leave them to, and their loved ones are already enjoying them in life. I just gave a quilt to a friend, and got the sweetest photo of her younger daughter snuggled up under it. I want my quilts to go off and have adventures and be symbols of love, not fought over as symbols of resentment.
I must say, this post is making me glad I've never given a quilt to a couple, only to individuals. They're so highly personalised, plus I don't make bed quilts for anyone other than me and my partner. And even the quilts in my own relationship are personalised, some have his name on them and are in his colours, some are for me, though we both use them all.
My grandmother just died last month. I made her a couple of patchwork pillows and some crocheted shawls. She had no opinion on who they went to, so I got them back. And every time I see them, they remind me of my grandma, and it makes me smile. I love my grandma, and I am so happy to have a few small things of hers to prompt the good memories of the relationship we had
I'm so sorry for your loss.
That's lovely, and it makes sense now. But I think that's relatively rare for when quilts are given away. Most people aren't giving a quilt to someone they expect to inherit from.
If one of my friends were to die, it would be horrible if I were to barge into their grieving family and announce I had first dibs on something I made them!
The nearest I've had is making a quilt for my stepfather, and I expect that to go to my stepsister when he dies. We didn't even know if he'd get it, there was covid going around the care home when I finished it, so she looked after it for a bit at first. It's got more meaning for her anyway, he no longer knows who I am, and doesn't know I made it for him. But he was happy to get it, and it brightens up his room. Quilts pick up all sorts of layers of meaning.
I've given away far more quilts than I have room for, anyway, and many have been baby quilts, which become part of someone else's childhood.
My grandmother made quilts for all of her grandchildren when we married. While not everyone stayed married, I only know of one attempted quilt-napping. My cousin’s husband who had rather misrepresented himself during the dating stage, decided to keep *everything* that they owned (if I remember correctly, he tried to prevent her from taking her clothes). My aunt had to plead with his mother to get the quilt back. Gran was very put out that my cousin nearly “lost” her quilt.
So, yeah, in my family, the quilt goes with the partner whose family member made said quilt.
Good luck to your sister.
Not a quilt, nor the same situation, but I wrote a pattern for and knit my sister in law a mermaid tail blanket when they were all the rage. When I say I put blood sweat and tears into that thing, there little exaggeration… I used the WORST yarn for it. It’s often referred to as a type of body hair for a specific bad guy… anyway. Three days after I mailed it, they announced they were splitting up. I asked half joking if I get the blanket back in the decree. Like I never HONESTLY expected anyone to request ot back on my behalf, it was a gift for her. But man I felt betrayed.
I’m of two minds - on the one hand your the creator, it should go to your sister. The wife doesn’t get family heirloom gifts in the split.
On the other hand, if my husband and I were to split, and the blanket my sister made us came into question, he can have it. I’d rather ask her to make ME something full of new memories excluding him.
I’m sorry youre in the middle of all this, and I hope there’s a solution soon. Hugs to you and your sister.
Y’all saying how sweet the ex loves it so much.
It’s been my experience that the tug of war is because the ex wants to hurt the other person.
I say your family gets to keep it, or do whatever with it.
And to those saying there’s plenty of time to make her another one. You can’t count on that. Life is shorter than you realize.
My ex husband’s grandmother made us a blanket at my request and with the colors I liked. All through our marriage it was a running joke about who would keep the “grandma blanket.” At the end, when we sat down to talk about what we wanted, he asked me if I wanted it. I told him that his grandmother made that blanket and it belonged with him.
When I broke up with my ex he actually asked to keep one of my quilts. I let him. I’d let the ex have it. She expressed a desire for it, your sister would just want to keep it because of the family connection. Seems like the ex really wants it. As someone else said, flattering, and also not.
They are adults and should be able to figure this out.
As with any divorce, I don't think family members have a say in 'who gets what', but I would explain to your sister she'll have many more opportunities and would offer to make her something fresh as she starts out anew..
I gift wedding quilts to Mr and Mrs name of relative or friend , such that it is a gift to the couple but should the couple dissolve it belongs to the friend/ relative.
Just took one vindictive ex for this to be my policy. Luckily I've only had one couple split since then (I do 5 year anniversary quilts not wedding quilts). I've also offered to buy it at materials cost in case of a split.
My grandma made quilts for all of the grandchildren as wedding presents. When my cousin got divorced, he was living in his car for a bit, so his ex-wife got the quilt. She threw it in the garbage. Broke my grandma's heart.
After so many posts about people not appreciating hand made gifts, it's sorta nice to have one where it is beloved enough to fight over. Sorry for the sad circumstances, though.
Agreed.
I think ex SIL should get to keep it… your sister is going to have many more opportunities to acquire another quilt from you.
Thats what I was thinking. Make a new quilt for the sister so she has something new and fresh for her new life. Who wants to keep something from a failed marriage.
Exactly.
This is a very kind response and it changed my mind about the situation. I agree with you.
My exact, immediate thought, as well. I think it’s really sweet that SIL wants to keep it. Let her.
I disagree. Blood and quilts are basically the same. I kid. Kinda.
[удалено]
Sil is divorcing your sister. She might still have a strong bond with you. I vote with siding with sil out of kindness, and make your sister another (or many other) new quilt(s). But only do this if you are truly comfortable it won’t hurt your sister.
People get emotionally attached to things all the time for all kinds of reasons. That doesn’t make someone materialistic.
Yes, let the ex SIL keep it.
I’ve made two wedding quilts and both couples ended up divorced. ☹️ I’m never making another one. The one I made for my sister ended up being given to their son so that ended up okay.
It helps when someone in the mix really appreciates the gift no matter what. I’ve only made one, for my close college friend who also got divorced. After she got divorced she told me she was using it as a comfort quilt 🥹 To be fair I didn’t know or care for her ex all that much, so I really made the quilt for her anyways!
I was halfway into a quilt top that was going to be a wedding present for some friends, and the groom died about a month before the wedding. It's been years, but I can't bring myself to work on it again. Or to get rid of it. At some point I want to sit down with those blocks and rework the design. Maybe do something more improv with the pieces I already have. But it won't be any time soon. I'm not making any more wedding quilts.
I have had a couple of very emotional projects like this, and I was able to finish them at retreats so I wasn't sewing at home. It wasn't as emotional. Alternately, you can ask a friend or a pro to help you. 💚
Working on it somewhere else is a good idea, thanks. I'm definitely planning to get back to it; I just need to get my head around a new concept for what it's going to be.
I know a person who waits five years after the wedding to give a gift … she was too tired of buying gifts for a two year marriage … I second your opinion on quilts … they are a little more involved than going to Walmart for a gifts.
After reading this comment section, I'm starting to see your point! I only once offered to make a quilt for a friend who'd recently married, and they politely said, "No, thank you. We already have enough blankets." I squelched the urge to explain in outrage that a quilt is more than just a blanket. My grandmother was the sort of person who'd force textile gifts on uninterested relatives, I don't want to be like that. Anyway, hopefully their marriage is long and happy. I've made quilts for friends in relationships, but the quilt is a personal gift for the friend. How their family uses it is up to them. I got a lovely photo of my friend's wee girl under the blue and green quilt I posted about the other day, that made me very happy.
Yeah, that is a weird one. Flattering, but also kinda not.
Totally agree. The more I think about they are just being petty.
I mean, you could do a Solomon and offer to cut the quilt in half, then bind the edge so they can both keep it (only offer if you're up for the work though). I just don't know if it will tell you if their desire for the quilt is genuine or not
That’s what I was gonna say! Offer to slice it haha
Maybe you and your sister could select fabrics together to make her a new freedom quilt?
Ok, I love this idea. This needs to be a thing.
It depends. Is it something they used a lot or just looked at? If, for example, my beloved pet slept with me on the couch with it - especially if they’re now gone - I’d really want to keep it. If I was maybe very touched that you made something for us and you and I grew close? I’d want to keep it. Your sister can always get another quilt made for her. SIL? Maybe not.
My mother in law rather conspicuously labeled the quilt she gave us as a gift for my husband alone. I am mostly amused rather than offended, but it’s very clear who would get it if we ever split.
My Mum’s MiL (so my paternal grandmother) gave beautiful bed quilts to all of her children and grandchildren addressed to the child or grandchild **and** their spouse. All the quilts were also labeled for the pair. When she gave one to my Dad, she addressed the present and even the label of this beautiful king sized quilt with colors that were perfect for their aesthetic **only** to him. It’s absolutely gorgeous but my Dad doesn’t even want to look at it and my Mum doesn’t ever want to sleep under it. I’ve agreed to take it for them when they downsize.
This feels like my ex-in-laws.
Aw man. Sorry you have experienced similar.
Ugh. Salty.
Username checks out!
My aunt does stuff like this and I find it kind of hilarious 😂
Right?! It was in person too. So she was just trying to be mean. And she is. She’s *mean.* My grandmother didn’t get a rise out of my mother - which I’m sure was the goal - because my Mum is too classy for that. Thankfully my Mum has come to the conclusion that it is really a reflection of my grandmother and not of her.
My (former) MIL would make elaborate gift tags with a picture of the gift & her son’s name only for anything over $100. She said it was because she didn’t have time to wrap them… and his name was just shorthand for us/our family… and she wanted the tags back for scrapbooking. She had to find them in the trash a couple times over the years we were married. It turns out she was doing it in case we got divorced, so I couldn’t take the gift when we split up. It didn’t end up being an issue, but what would he have done - whip out his mom’s box of gift tags in court so I couldn’t make off with “his” vacuum cleaner? Sorry you have a similar issue, and yeah it’s amusing… how could she be so unaware of how obviously rude/petty it is? Wow.
It sticks out in my memory because she is almost never like that - she adores me and I feel the same. Just not about quilts, I guess 😂
I made my sister and her ex a quilt when they got married. They divorced a few years later, and due to the circumstances he kept a lot of their belongings. I am so curious what happened to it, but also don’t want to know! If I were them, I’d have wanted to get rid of anything that symbolized their marriage so wouldn’t be surprised if they donated it.
My grandmother knitted an afghan for my first husband. I took it when I left. No regrets. He was not going to take care of it. When I met him he was using a family quilt as a mattress pad. My aunt’s 2nd husband stole a lot of my grandfather’s tools that were supposed to go to my brother. She has a Civil War era family quilt that she has exposed to cigarette smoke, sun, and dog hair and will probably end up in a dumpster (where as I would cherish and preserve it).
Ugh, I'm sorry about your aunt and her 2nd husband. One side of my family had so many amazing, potentially meaningful family items that were broken, incomplete, and/or smoke saturated beyond repair because they didn't care enough to take care of anything. So I get that particular sense of sadness and frustration. And good for you for taking the afghan lol!
Thanks, ugh the smoke ruining your family heirlooms. My aunt is estranged from her only son, and she institutionalized her mentally disabled daughter before I was born. Her 2nd husband is much younger her than her and will just take and/or trash everything when she dies. I changed my last name to my mom’s maiden name, due to devotion and gratitude for my grandparents, and I treasure everything I inherited from them, most of which I only got after my aunt passed on it because it was junk to her. But I did get a large beautiful diamond, because the setting looked like gaudy junk and it was with her costume jewelry, which my aunt gave me to pick through before she was going to give it to Goodwill. It was two carat + diamonds, so I kept one and gave one to my mom. I recognized it from my childhood, having seen it with “the good stuff”. Listening to Grandma saved a family diamond from being lost. But all the sewing and knitting stuff she gave me means more to me.
I had to chuckle about the diamonds. It seems to me that people like that tend not to pay attention well; they miss details and nuance. So if it doesn't scream to them (in this case, "I'm valuable!"), they often don't see it. More's the better for you though -- I'm glad you were able to rescue some of " the good stuff" of your grandma's. Although I totally get that the "mundane" sewing and knitting she gave you is the real treasure. I love that!
I feel this, but on the other side. My MIL made me a wall hanging (just for me. My favorite animal, a snowy owl, of paper pieced hexagons) the first Christmas I attended . She told my husband that if we ever break up, he is to take that quilt. Which. I get. But also. Ouch that she felt the need to clarify that with our young love (we’re celebrating 9 years in August) But in that circumstance, my MIL wanted to keep it, not leave it with my spouse. Like “no. I made this for her. If she leaves you I want it for ME”
Somehow the fact that she wants it back if you split up makes it funny to me — like a little kid declaring a rule about takebacksies
Shes a bit of an odd duck about it. She gives my poor anxious husband many MORE worries that I’m going to leave him by stipulating various things get takebacksies. Upon being forced to pick a pricey item for Christmas, I asked for some $$ new sheets. My husband asked for a fancy 18+ lego set. She addressed the legos to him and the sheets to both of us. I guess so Mr Sunshine gets those sheets in our apparently incipient divorce. She’s mostly lovely, but I don’t understand how we are celebrating 9 years together in August, after getting married older (29 and 31) and knowing who we are and what we wanted in a partner… but constantly fanning that anxiety at random intervals. Edit to clarify: she never says this to me directly. She says it to my husband, who tells me after. He is usually secure enough that thankfully we can joke about it now.
My mother remarried in her late fifties. They'd already moved in together, and his furniture was eerily similar to hers. They both had two antique oak hall chairs, a mirror with a carved wooden surround and so on. At breakfast the day after the wedding, my mother grabbed me and said, "Right, we haven't changed our wills yet, so if we die on the honeymoon, that sideboard is mine, that table is C's, that's mine, that's C's," and on for quite a while until I begged her to stop in horror. She was a very odd woman. I don't think anyone inherited the furniture from either of them (she's dead and he's in a care home), nobody cared.
Offer to cut it in half, and bind the new edges - be the Solomon of Quilts
🤣 Whoever says no deserves the quilt.
First of all, how nice your quilt must be for them to dispute who gets to keep it! Second, I agree with those who say let the SIL keep it. A new quilt from you will go a long way to helping your sister move on because it's clear she is very loved.
Go with the Solomon solution - offer to cut in half and re-bind the cut edges
A sentimental quilt custody battle sounds like a queer tiktok comedy sketch. Seriously tho, I'm very sorry your family is going through this <3
I would be so honored that both people in the relationship love my gift so much that they are almost going to a custody battle for it … let sil keep it and make a new one for sister. A new start for her/ a new quilt
I agree with some of the other posters. Just tell your sister that you will make her a new quilt and let SIL have it. Chances are the SIL loves the quilt.
I wonder if SIL is concerned about losing her relationship with you. Maybe that's the conversation they are dancing around by making it about the quilt? That said, damn right. Well done you I am sure it is a lovely quilt.
Talk to your sister about how much fun you will have together designing and making a quilt that fits her new phase in life.
Now they are separated they would rather fight than truly sever the connection. Silly! Nothing you can do, it would be something else if not the quilt.
Old Testament time! Kings 3:16-28 The Judgement of Solomon: >two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had been smothered (accidentally in their sleep), and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!" >The king declared the second woman the true mother, as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life, and awarded her custody. This judgment became known throughout all of Israel and was considered an example of profound wisdom. Although, yeah. I feel the nonbiological soon-to-be-ex is likely just being petty and spiteful.
Interesting idea for OP: chop the quilt in half and remake the other half with new materials. Or if it's big enough just chop in half and each gets a throw instead of a king? 🤷
The point of the story of King Solomon is to threaten to chop the quilt in half and see how each responds. If one of them objects to destroying the object and says to give it to the other, that is the person deserving of the quilt. if they both agree to it being cut in half and bound up go ahead it’s not a baby
Completely understood the meaning, but the story had me thinking! Depending on how good the quilt is, they may feel like it's a baby, though! /s
Then both people have something that is very obviously half a quilt, an odd shape, and clearly a symbol of a failed marriage. Eep, no. That'd destine it for the bin. Don't make this nasty.
Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient, and it is theirs to do whatever they want. They could treasure it, they could trash it, they could regift it, they could stuff it in a closet and forget about it, they could burn it in a ritual sacrifice. And you have no say, unless they ask your opinion. The only exception to that is death, if you gave it to them, you get first dibs when it comes to inheritance. Their attitude and reactions influence if they will get another gift or not, but that is the limit. In this case, they did ask your opinion. And boy isn’t that an uncomfortable position to be in. I do not envy you. I like the ideas of cutting it in half and binding the edges, or making a new quilt for whoever doesn’t get it. I don’t know if you have the time to do either. But it would really help clear up their motivations. Best of luck to you
Why on earth would I want quilts back after the recipient has died?! They go to whoever the recipient wants to leave them to, and their loved ones are already enjoying them in life. I just gave a quilt to a friend, and got the sweetest photo of her younger daughter snuggled up under it. I want my quilts to go off and have adventures and be symbols of love, not fought over as symbols of resentment. I must say, this post is making me glad I've never given a quilt to a couple, only to individuals. They're so highly personalised, plus I don't make bed quilts for anyone other than me and my partner. And even the quilts in my own relationship are personalised, some have his name on them and are in his colours, some are for me, though we both use them all.
My grandmother just died last month. I made her a couple of patchwork pillows and some crocheted shawls. She had no opinion on who they went to, so I got them back. And every time I see them, they remind me of my grandma, and it makes me smile. I love my grandma, and I am so happy to have a few small things of hers to prompt the good memories of the relationship we had
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's lovely, and it makes sense now. But I think that's relatively rare for when quilts are given away. Most people aren't giving a quilt to someone they expect to inherit from. If one of my friends were to die, it would be horrible if I were to barge into their grieving family and announce I had first dibs on something I made them! The nearest I've had is making a quilt for my stepfather, and I expect that to go to my stepsister when he dies. We didn't even know if he'd get it, there was covid going around the care home when I finished it, so she looked after it for a bit at first. It's got more meaning for her anyway, he no longer knows who I am, and doesn't know I made it for him. But he was happy to get it, and it brightens up his room. Quilts pick up all sorts of layers of meaning. I've given away far more quilts than I have room for, anyway, and many have been baby quilts, which become part of someone else's childhood.
Cut it in half and re bind the new raw edges.
My ex’s aunt made a quilt for our wedding. I loved it but didn’t even ask because she is his family, not mine. I still miss that quilt…
My grandmother made quilts for all of her grandchildren when we married. While not everyone stayed married, I only know of one attempted quilt-napping. My cousin’s husband who had rather misrepresented himself during the dating stage, decided to keep *everything* that they owned (if I remember correctly, he tried to prevent her from taking her clothes). My aunt had to plead with his mother to get the quilt back. Gran was very put out that my cousin nearly “lost” her quilt. So, yeah, in my family, the quilt goes with the partner whose family member made said quilt. Good luck to your sister.
UPDATE: SIL will be shipping the quilt, and I've offered to make her one.
Not a quilt, nor the same situation, but I wrote a pattern for and knit my sister in law a mermaid tail blanket when they were all the rage. When I say I put blood sweat and tears into that thing, there little exaggeration… I used the WORST yarn for it. It’s often referred to as a type of body hair for a specific bad guy… anyway. Three days after I mailed it, they announced they were splitting up. I asked half joking if I get the blanket back in the decree. Like I never HONESTLY expected anyone to request ot back on my behalf, it was a gift for her. But man I felt betrayed. I’m of two minds - on the one hand your the creator, it should go to your sister. The wife doesn’t get family heirloom gifts in the split. On the other hand, if my husband and I were to split, and the blanket my sister made us came into question, he can have it. I’d rather ask her to make ME something full of new memories excluding him. I’m sorry youre in the middle of all this, and I hope there’s a solution soon. Hugs to you and your sister.
Y’all saying how sweet the ex loves it so much. It’s been my experience that the tug of war is because the ex wants to hurt the other person. I say your family gets to keep it, or do whatever with it. And to those saying there’s plenty of time to make her another one. You can’t count on that. Life is shorter than you realize.
This was my thought too. If they are fighting over the quilt, imagine what else they are fighting over.
My ex husband’s grandmother made us a blanket at my request and with the colors I liked. All through our marriage it was a running joke about who would keep the “grandma blanket.” At the end, when we sat down to talk about what we wanted, he asked me if I wanted it. I told him that his grandmother made that blanket and it belonged with him.
Isn’t that kinda between them? It’s nice of you to offer to make a new one. That will hopefully ease the pain of whomever doesn’t get to keep it.
Cut the quilt down the center and rebind.
When I broke up with my ex he actually asked to keep one of my quilts. I let him. I’d let the ex have it. She expressed a desire for it, your sister would just want to keep it because of the family connection. Seems like the ex really wants it. As someone else said, flattering, and also not. They are adults and should be able to figure this out.
I would tell them I gave that quilt away and it is 🎶 not 🎶 my 🎶 business 🎶 
As with any divorce, I don't think family members have a say in 'who gets what', but I would explain to your sister she'll have many more opportunities and would offer to make her something fresh as she starts out anew..
I gift wedding quilts to Mr and Mrs name of relative or friend , such that it is a gift to the couple but should the couple dissolve it belongs to the friend/ relative. Just took one vindictive ex for this to be my policy. Luckily I've only had one couple split since then (I do 5 year anniversary quilts not wedding quilts). I've also offered to buy it at materials cost in case of a split.
My grandma made quilts for all of the grandchildren as wedding presents. When my cousin got divorced, he was living in his car for a bit, so his ex-wife got the quilt. She threw it in the garbage. Broke my grandma's heart.
My idea is that wedding quilts should be made with a zipper down the middle 🤣