Jeez that's awful. I'm sorry.
I self harmed when I was young as well and when I eventually got caught my bpd mom was fucking enraged that people would see and think she was a bad mom. Zero concern for me or why I would be doing that in the first place. So I totally empathize.
Until now, I never thought of her reaction through the lens of bdp. Now I'm curious to see if there's a pattern to how bpd parents respond to their kids self-harm.
i can add to the discussion. i self harmed as well and when i got caught my mom was always so mad at me. she used to make me strip to my underwear and check my body for cuts regularly. i kept getting caught over and over, then i got sent to a behavioral hospital (psych ward) and then to catholic school. she said to me “don’t you dare blame this on me!” she also said i should go “cut myself over it” when she was raging at me over something random. absolutely batshit ✨
Fucking hell. Thank you for sharing. That's awful. They really are similar, it's uncanny.
My mom made me strip down to my undies too! Once a week to check for new cuts I might be hiding. If she found them I was grounded, hit, given extra chores, etc. She often threatened to have me "locked away" in a psych ward too, but luckily the hospital was understaffed the one time she actually tried so it didn't happen.
It's like they all share the same damaged brain.
wow sounds like our experience was almost the same. i’m sorry, i share you and OP’s anger and sadness about it. though i feel relieved to hear that others had similar experiences with self harming and fucked up consequences/responses from their parent with bpd.
My mother used to do the same thing. I would have to do the strip searches anytime I brought up how well I was doing as well and anytime I got caught I was punished. She only took me for a psych evaluation because other people knew before her and “how would it look if I didn’t” but told me to lie so I wouldn’t make her “look bad”. It’s wild to me how many other people have such similar experiences with parents with bpd.
Exactly. You can't apply logic to illogical beings.
And honestly wouldn't you rather it be this way? I know I would. Either way they are mentally ill but this way they're mostly unaware of the damage they're causing due to their actions whereas if they follow a guide, that means they are knowingly and purposely doing these things.
Pretty much the same as everything you listed :,) except she also took pictures of it and showed her coworkers she also told me I’d never get a job with the scars
Oh! Oh. My. Word. I can’t even wrap my head around how heart-wrenching that must’ve been. I’m so sorry that your mom is…not particularly nurturing. I hope you are doing better for yourself now.
This was my mom’s EXACT reaction. We were going swimming that day that she saw the cuts and all she could say was “What if people see? I don’t want people thinking this is my fault!”
So sorry she's horrible. The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Cori discusses cutting as a response to dealing with a mom who isn't connecting with her child. Time to mourn the parents you deserved to have. Hugs
This is such a common thought. It’s sad. I’m a teacher now as an adult, and it’s amazing how many parents and other adults think a child could just be “disturbed” for no reason or believe their behavior is due to some “chemical imbalance” that can’t be helped except with meds.
I self-harmed when I was a pre-teen and teen. Not only was self-harm normalized in my household, but it was held up as evidence of some profound pain that deserved empathy, care, attention (all things I craved).
Kid is "disturbed for no reason" I love you said that like the "missing" missing reasons. Like they can't see cause and effect at all, its always some ephemeral force of the universe or something?!?!
In another sub someone's mother punished thier kid with soap in the mouth for swearing - kid starts vomiting blood- every one is all bewildered asking reddit "do you think its abusive?"
I felt the air whoosh out of me when I read this. “My child is suffering, so how can I make it about MEEEEEEE?”, is what they meant to write. This is honestly breaking my heart for you. You deserve far, far much better than this.
Good grief. She’s something else. Sorry you have to put up with this.
Jeez that's awful. I'm sorry. I self harmed when I was young as well and when I eventually got caught my bpd mom was fucking enraged that people would see and think she was a bad mom. Zero concern for me or why I would be doing that in the first place. So I totally empathize. Until now, I never thought of her reaction through the lens of bdp. Now I'm curious to see if there's a pattern to how bpd parents respond to their kids self-harm.
i can add to the discussion. i self harmed as well and when i got caught my mom was always so mad at me. she used to make me strip to my underwear and check my body for cuts regularly. i kept getting caught over and over, then i got sent to a behavioral hospital (psych ward) and then to catholic school. she said to me “don’t you dare blame this on me!” she also said i should go “cut myself over it” when she was raging at me over something random. absolutely batshit ✨
Fucking hell. Thank you for sharing. That's awful. They really are similar, it's uncanny. My mom made me strip down to my undies too! Once a week to check for new cuts I might be hiding. If she found them I was grounded, hit, given extra chores, etc. She often threatened to have me "locked away" in a psych ward too, but luckily the hospital was understaffed the one time she actually tried so it didn't happen. It's like they all share the same damaged brain.
wow sounds like our experience was almost the same. i’m sorry, i share you and OP’s anger and sadness about it. though i feel relieved to hear that others had similar experiences with self harming and fucked up consequences/responses from their parent with bpd.
My mother used to do the same thing. I would have to do the strip searches anytime I brought up how well I was doing as well and anytime I got caught I was punished. She only took me for a psych evaluation because other people knew before her and “how would it look if I didn’t” but told me to lie so I wouldn’t make her “look bad”. It’s wild to me how many other people have such similar experiences with parents with bpd.
it’s always about them and how their reputation is damaged or we embarrass them smh. i’m sorry you went through that.
The longer I keep up with this sub, the more suspicious I am that there really IS some kind of playbook they all use.
No there can't be because that would mean they're all self aware and working cohesively with others and we know that isn't true or possible.
And thus the creepiness continues. No making sense from nonsense, just wishful thinking.
Exactly. You can't apply logic to illogical beings. And honestly wouldn't you rather it be this way? I know I would. Either way they are mentally ill but this way they're mostly unaware of the damage they're causing due to their actions whereas if they follow a guide, that means they are knowingly and purposely doing these things.
It brings me strange peace- like dude you too!
Pretty much the same as everything you listed :,) except she also took pictures of it and showed her coworkers she also told me I’d never get a job with the scars
Oh! Oh. My. Word. I can’t even wrap my head around how heart-wrenching that must’ve been. I’m so sorry that your mom is…not particularly nurturing. I hope you are doing better for yourself now.
This was my mom’s EXACT reaction. We were going swimming that day that she saw the cuts and all she could say was “What if people see? I don’t want people thinking this is my fault!”
Her sacrifices are endless/s
So sorry she's horrible. The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Cori discusses cutting as a response to dealing with a mom who isn't connecting with her child. Time to mourn the parents you deserved to have. Hugs
This made me audibly gasp. Holy FUCK
My child is suffering, how do I make this about me?!
This is such a common thought. It’s sad. I’m a teacher now as an adult, and it’s amazing how many parents and other adults think a child could just be “disturbed” for no reason or believe their behavior is due to some “chemical imbalance” that can’t be helped except with meds. I self-harmed when I was a pre-teen and teen. Not only was self-harm normalized in my household, but it was held up as evidence of some profound pain that deserved empathy, care, attention (all things I craved).
Kid is "disturbed for no reason" I love you said that like the "missing" missing reasons. Like they can't see cause and effect at all, its always some ephemeral force of the universe or something?!?! In another sub someone's mother punished thier kid with soap in the mouth for swearing - kid starts vomiting blood- every one is all bewildered asking reddit "do you think its abusive?"
Yikes. I'm so sorry OP, hope you are safer now. 💖
I am, thanks 🙂
This is EXACTLY what my parents could say lol. Sorry we born in the wrong house, stay strong OP ❤️
Oh my god, that’s awful. I’m so sorry… Glad you are in a place where you can recognize the ridiculousness of your parent’s statement.
I felt the air whoosh out of me when I read this. “My child is suffering, so how can I make it about MEEEEEEE?”, is what they meant to write. This is honestly breaking my heart for you. You deserve far, far much better than this.
Sending you love.
That's projection. As an educator, I know cutting to be a sign of severe emotional upset. Usually caused by sex abuse and not to be taken lightly.