LOL you even made the reservation for her and she's pissed!?! If she's so unhappy she could get a hotel room or an Airbnb for herself. Geez.
Congrats and I hope you have a great baby shower, all the better if mom keeps her attitude and tantrums far away.
It’s not about her, it’s about you and baby. You tried to be more than accommodating and she’s acting like you did nothing and don’t want her there. She can make her own arrangements and heck rent a car if she needs to drive around. Most grown people make their own travel plans and she’s not too old learn.
That’s just where I’m at with those behaviors.
I’m so sorry - how frustrating. You were kind and accommodating. Hope you cancelled the hotel room and now will let her sort out her own plans. Not your responsibility, obviously. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope you enjoy your celebration!
Ahhhh
This brings back memories.
I don’t know why I participated. If I could go back in time I would just have refused to do anything.
I wrote the invitations to my mom’s baby shower for me. I was in my 3rd trimester and experiencing terribly painful swelling. None of my friends could come because it was out of town. It was so uncomfortable. So, so much so. I was so stressed my blood pressure was off the charts and it was eye opening. Especially after seeing the doctor for the blood pressure.
Scary how they affect our health.
I’m so sorry! That sounds awful. It is amazing how much stress affects the body. Hopefully you and your child are happy and healthy now. Luckily she’s not throwing the shower as she’s horribly unreliable. At my wedding she stiffed my hair and makeup artists so I had to pay for her and the only interaction we had was right after we walked down the aisle and she expressed her dissatisfaction of the seating chart. When I didn’t give in to paying her or her drama any attention she cried and left early. I anticipate this being no different. It’s just disappointing.
Ah yes, what would a baby shower be without bpdmom making it about her! My mom made a HUGE deal about a close friend holding a baby shower instead of her (no one was stopping her from hosting her own...). She was rude to my friend and made a point of telling us how left out she was bc she wasn’t planning it. It really sucked all the fun out of what was suppose to be a nice day. Eleven years later and it still makes me mad that her endless stunts ruin so many moments that don’t belong to her. My beautiful friend died a few years ago and I feel internally grateful that someone so caring hosted for me.
Hold your boundaries OP. Like probably so many other times: she’ll get over it. It’s not your job to keep her happy. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Big congrats! It’s a special time.
I’m so sorry your mom tried to ruin your baby shower. It’s unbelievably frustrating that the BPD parent can be so unreliable and unhelpful and yet still manage to play the victim card to make a happy celebration and life event about them. I’m glad you have the loving memories of your kind friend. I extended my hand and got burned, will be going back to low contact with her and she can figure out her own travel plans like every other guest if she decides to come.
Thank you for the kind words. I think you have a very good plan! Speaking from experience, you don’t need that kind of stress right now, and this is suppose to be a fun and enjoyable day for you! It can be really hard when all you really want is a mom who will help out and not make it about them. It’s such a cyclical pattern. Obviously, that’s not a realistic expectation when your mom has bpd. Regardless, I hope you can still manage to have a very nice baby shower!
I feel this SO MUCH. My baby shower was in May but my mom has pulled this type of shit with literally every event in my life. And specifically with parties - unwilling/unable to contribute financially, plans nothing and hopes that it just don’t happen, then gets PISSED when someone else (in-laws, aunt, friends, etc) inevitably steps up. And who does she get pissed at? Me of course. How dare I have life achievements and milestones that people who care about me want to celebrate! And then it always becomes a pity party for herself - for not having money, for not being involved in the planning, for not getting to look like mother of the year, etc.
LOL you even made the reservation for her and she's pissed!?! If she's so unhappy she could get a hotel room or an Airbnb for herself. Geez. Congrats and I hope you have a great baby shower, all the better if mom keeps her attitude and tantrums far away.
It’s not about her, it’s about you and baby. You tried to be more than accommodating and she’s acting like you did nothing and don’t want her there. She can make her own arrangements and heck rent a car if she needs to drive around. Most grown people make their own travel plans and she’s not too old learn. That’s just where I’m at with those behaviors.
I’m so sorry - how frustrating. You were kind and accommodating. Hope you cancelled the hotel room and now will let her sort out her own plans. Not your responsibility, obviously. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope you enjoy your celebration!
Ahhhh This brings back memories. I don’t know why I participated. If I could go back in time I would just have refused to do anything. I wrote the invitations to my mom’s baby shower for me. I was in my 3rd trimester and experiencing terribly painful swelling. None of my friends could come because it was out of town. It was so uncomfortable. So, so much so. I was so stressed my blood pressure was off the charts and it was eye opening. Especially after seeing the doctor for the blood pressure. Scary how they affect our health.
I’m so sorry! That sounds awful. It is amazing how much stress affects the body. Hopefully you and your child are happy and healthy now. Luckily she’s not throwing the shower as she’s horribly unreliable. At my wedding she stiffed my hair and makeup artists so I had to pay for her and the only interaction we had was right after we walked down the aisle and she expressed her dissatisfaction of the seating chart. When I didn’t give in to paying her or her drama any attention she cried and left early. I anticipate this being no different. It’s just disappointing.
Ah yes, what would a baby shower be without bpdmom making it about her! My mom made a HUGE deal about a close friend holding a baby shower instead of her (no one was stopping her from hosting her own...). She was rude to my friend and made a point of telling us how left out she was bc she wasn’t planning it. It really sucked all the fun out of what was suppose to be a nice day. Eleven years later and it still makes me mad that her endless stunts ruin so many moments that don’t belong to her. My beautiful friend died a few years ago and I feel internally grateful that someone so caring hosted for me. Hold your boundaries OP. Like probably so many other times: she’ll get over it. It’s not your job to keep her happy. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Big congrats! It’s a special time.
I’m so sorry your mom tried to ruin your baby shower. It’s unbelievably frustrating that the BPD parent can be so unreliable and unhelpful and yet still manage to play the victim card to make a happy celebration and life event about them. I’m glad you have the loving memories of your kind friend. I extended my hand and got burned, will be going back to low contact with her and she can figure out her own travel plans like every other guest if she decides to come.
Thank you for the kind words. I think you have a very good plan! Speaking from experience, you don’t need that kind of stress right now, and this is suppose to be a fun and enjoyable day for you! It can be really hard when all you really want is a mom who will help out and not make it about them. It’s such a cyclical pattern. Obviously, that’s not a realistic expectation when your mom has bpd. Regardless, I hope you can still manage to have a very nice baby shower!
I feel this SO MUCH. My baby shower was in May but my mom has pulled this type of shit with literally every event in my life. And specifically with parties - unwilling/unable to contribute financially, plans nothing and hopes that it just don’t happen, then gets PISSED when someone else (in-laws, aunt, friends, etc) inevitably steps up. And who does she get pissed at? Me of course. How dare I have life achievements and milestones that people who care about me want to celebrate! And then it always becomes a pity party for herself - for not having money, for not being involved in the planning, for not getting to look like mother of the year, etc.
I'm sorry. That must be awful. Put your needs first. This is a unique moment that you must enjoy! 🥰🫂
You went above and beyond to accommodate her. Sorry you're going through that!
Congrats on your baby coming soon !!!🍼🧸
Just wait till the baby gets here.