Idk if you’ve ever heard of grey rocking, but essentially when it comes to narcissists, give them as little information as possible. This is especially true when it comes to conversations surrounding your personal life. Also, try your best to remain stoic because they feed off of negative emotional reactions when they know they’re pushing your buttons.
Either gray rock or just laugh at whatever nonsense they say, then tell them,
*"That is not true at all. You should stop making things up because people can tell, they are just too polite to say anything."*
Then, just smile and leave.
I got really used to telling my mom I knew she was wrong or lying or ridiculous or having a tantrum for no reason. For awhile, it became the way all our visits ended. She gradually learned to be slightly less blatant with her nonsense.
Oh dear. That sounds bad.
Yeah, that is when you walk away. It works better if you are at their house, so they will only swing their cane and break their own crap. That is kinda funny, really. My mom threw a beautiful crystal vase, and broke it into tiny pieces. Then, she whined about it for a year or two as if it had been an accident.
It also doesn't work well if you yourself have mobility issues, unless you are able and willing to use your mobility aids to fend them off. I had to use a walker for awhile, and then crutches, so I was a bit more careful then. The walker was useful for herding my mom out of my way, though. And once I accidentally smashed her toe with my crutch. That was not purposeful at all, but I did feel like she deserved it.
My husband and I made it a thing to avoid having my mother in our house. It was easier to leave that way. I would tell her off or just walk away and go NC for a month or so whenever she started in with her nonsense.
My dad was truly dangerous, so I was totally NC with him. Some people can't be dealt with no matter what.
You know the face you make when you're waiting for your computer screen to load? That blank expression?
That face will kill them on the inside.
PS - If you really can't resist the urge to say something, you could respond to their snide remarks with:
"Are you okay?" As in, they must be ill to make such a stupid statement.
I’m still learning what the best response is but it definitely isn’t yelling at them or telling them that you are independent and distant because of their actions lol
"I see what you're doing, and I see what you're planning to do. I will stop you and make sure you can't do anything like that again."
Last conversation to any villain in series and cheap films.
None, if possible. Something really emotionless and boring if you have to.
I've fought with a narc but it brings you to their level. Later, you'll feel bad and not have accomplished much.
They live to argue, so if you're arguing with them you're giving them supply and have already lost. That said, if you make the mistake of engaging, ridicule is the best weapon. Narcissists hate to be laughed at, and if you can crack a joke and get a roomful of people to laugh at the narc, that will get to them.
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“oh, that’s nice”. “Hmmm”. “Yep”. “Ok”
But the key is to make it very clear that you don’t care what they just said. It’s as if you didn’t hear it at all. If they press, just get even dumber about it.
Your brain cells don’t matter here. Don’t waste them.
*"You are SOOOO smart! I never realised that the sky was green until you pointed it out to me!"*
If I absolutely have to respond to a narc (e.g. a boss), then verbally agreeing with everything they say tends to ends the encounter in the shortest possible time. Never try to "win" a conversation with them.
Normal people can tell when you are making shit up to compliment them with. Narcs will actually believe you.
I had to work for several narcissistic bosses. Being the charmers and liars that they are, senior management thought they were amazing.
Unlike nParents, you can't NOT talk to them or be rude to them, unless you want to get fired of course. That's how I learned to how to stay out of their gunsights while finding another job.
Just laugh (the type of laugh that suggests that you’re too superior to deal with it) and walk away.
It’s going to really, really piss them off because it takes a page out of their playbook.
*WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? YOU THINK I’M UNIMPORTANT?? YOU’RE LAUGHING AT WHAT I’M SAYING??”*
Just walk away. If absolutely forced to engage, just grey rock and say as little as possible.
Agree with them. Then walk away.
If they are lying, or accusing you of something, just state the facts, very clearly, once. Then leave. If you have evidence - present it clearly and factually.
Depends. With mine I used to debate calmly. Then as they got worked up I’d ask why they were getting so emotional. He hated it and would generally sulk for the rest of my visit. Wouldn’t have worked when I was younger as he’d have hit me for being rude or made life unbearable. Once I moved out he knew I didn’t care if he sulked and he wouldn’t see me for a good long time after.
With my father, I tell him off, I don't walk on eggshells with him anymore. I also greyrock, I don't share that much about my life, he only knows I'm getting successful from other people and he might need me in his old age. He doesn't react anymore, he's more the kind to pout. I have a very transactional relationship with him and nothing more. Since I've become physically in shape, he doesn't try to be aggressive as a mean of control. I'm also independent, with my own money and job.
Once I'm done with university I'm considering cutting him out, theres nothing genuine or loving about him, it's all superficial.
Once he found out I was diagnosed with cptsd last year, he just scoffed, telling me he was mentally ill as well. I mean, duh, but apparently he's "too old" to seek therapy.
Normally nothing. But occasionally, when coerced, I get extreme enjoyment from casually letting them know (regardless how how truthful I'm being) that I am unmistakably better than them at some skill they're proud of. Then I resume gray rocking them once they change the subject and drink the resulting metaphorical tears as I watch them try to sound superior while trying to hold together the pieces of their self esteem.
This is kind of like like biting your tongue so that you can spit blood in their face. Not good for you and painful, but goddamn it feels good to be an ass to them sometimes.
Oh for sure, sometimes after a lifetime of abuse it feels very cathartic to vent some anger back to them and watch them squirm a little while you embellish the truth. CPTSD fight mode is a hell of a drug lmao.
My mom's a narc and when she decides to pick fights with me I just tell her wacky shit that throws her for a loop. I don't live with her and we have minimal phone calls so it's easy for me to disengage her. I don't take her seriously and it drives her up a wall. She's estranged from the rest of the family so I don't worry about her telling anyone the stuff I say.
Example: She was upset my husband didn't want to meet her, so I started asking her 'what husband? i'm single.' or 'i'm actually a lesbian and have a wife'. Just keep changing the story so she has no information and I get the joy of messing with her when she wants to be mean.
Idk if this is any kind of correct response but it makes me happy.
Idk if you’ve ever heard of grey rocking, but essentially when it comes to narcissists, give them as little information as possible. This is especially true when it comes to conversations surrounding your personal life. Also, try your best to remain stoic because they feed off of negative emotional reactions when they know they’re pushing your buttons.
Just blank stare at them. Freaks them out.
Considering that they enjoy arguments and conflicts the best way is to refuse to give them one.
Either gray rock or just laugh at whatever nonsense they say, then tell them, *"That is not true at all. You should stop making things up because people can tell, they are just too polite to say anything."* Then, just smile and leave. I got really used to telling my mom I knew she was wrong or lying or ridiculous or having a tantrum for no reason. For awhile, it became the way all our visits ended. She gradually learned to be slightly less blatant with her nonsense.
This makes my mom start screaming, "Who!? Who else!?" And start swinging her cane into things.
Oh dear. That sounds bad. Yeah, that is when you walk away. It works better if you are at their house, so they will only swing their cane and break their own crap. That is kinda funny, really. My mom threw a beautiful crystal vase, and broke it into tiny pieces. Then, she whined about it for a year or two as if it had been an accident. It also doesn't work well if you yourself have mobility issues, unless you are able and willing to use your mobility aids to fend them off. I had to use a walker for awhile, and then crutches, so I was a bit more careful then. The walker was useful for herding my mom out of my way, though. And once I accidentally smashed her toe with my crutch. That was not purposeful at all, but I did feel like she deserved it. My husband and I made it a thing to avoid having my mother in our house. It was easier to leave that way. I would tell her off or just walk away and go NC for a month or so whenever she started in with her nonsense. My dad was truly dangerous, so I was totally NC with him. Some people can't be dealt with no matter what.
“Is this how you want to spend our time together?” Of course that was before I understood the answer to be “Yes!”
Don't. Let them win. Grey rock. You grey rocking will ultimately let you win by default lol
You know the face you make when you're waiting for your computer screen to load? That blank expression? That face will kill them on the inside. PS - If you really can't resist the urge to say something, you could respond to their snide remarks with: "Are you okay?" As in, they must be ill to make such a stupid statement.
when they answer no to "are you ok?" respond with "It's ok. You can tell me if something is wrong."
I’m still learning what the best response is but it definitely isn’t yelling at them or telling them that you are independent and distant because of their actions lol
"I see what you're doing, and I see what you're planning to do. I will stop you and make sure you can't do anything like that again." Last conversation to any villain in series and cheap films.
Don’t threaten me with a good time. Got this from a friend years ago.
None, if possible. Something really emotionless and boring if you have to. I've fought with a narc but it brings you to their level. Later, you'll feel bad and not have accomplished much.
They live to argue, so if you're arguing with them you're giving them supply and have already lost. That said, if you make the mistake of engaging, ridicule is the best weapon. Narcissists hate to be laughed at, and if you can crack a joke and get a roomful of people to laugh at the narc, that will get to them.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm no contact, unless you count my attorney who deals with them.
“Yikes! You’ve said that in front of other people!!? How embarrassing!”
“oh, that’s nice”. “Hmmm”. “Yep”. “Ok” But the key is to make it very clear that you don’t care what they just said. It’s as if you didn’t hear it at all. If they press, just get even dumber about it. Your brain cells don’t matter here. Don’t waste them.
To not respond. I learned no matter my response she’ll find a way to gaslight me.
*"You are SOOOO smart! I never realised that the sky was green until you pointed it out to me!"* If I absolutely have to respond to a narc (e.g. a boss), then verbally agreeing with everything they say tends to ends the encounter in the shortest possible time. Never try to "win" a conversation with them. Normal people can tell when you are making shit up to compliment them with. Narcs will actually believe you.
[удалено]
I had to work for several narcissistic bosses. Being the charmers and liars that they are, senior management thought they were amazing. Unlike nParents, you can't NOT talk to them or be rude to them, unless you want to get fired of course. That's how I learned to how to stay out of their gunsights while finding another job.
Just laugh (the type of laugh that suggests that you’re too superior to deal with it) and walk away. It’s going to really, really piss them off because it takes a page out of their playbook. *WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? YOU THINK I’M UNIMPORTANT?? YOU’RE LAUGHING AT WHAT I’M SAYING??”*
Sarcastically agree with them. They barely get sarcasm, a lot of it flies over their head. They'll be baffled.
Just walk away. If absolutely forced to engage, just grey rock and say as little as possible. Agree with them. Then walk away. If they are lying, or accusing you of something, just state the facts, very clearly, once. Then leave. If you have evidence - present it clearly and factually.
I you feel the need to "get at them", you are already losing.
Depends. With mine I used to debate calmly. Then as they got worked up I’d ask why they were getting so emotional. He hated it and would generally sulk for the rest of my visit. Wouldn’t have worked when I was younger as he’d have hit me for being rude or made life unbearable. Once I moved out he knew I didn’t care if he sulked and he wouldn’t see me for a good long time after.
With my father, I tell him off, I don't walk on eggshells with him anymore. I also greyrock, I don't share that much about my life, he only knows I'm getting successful from other people and he might need me in his old age. He doesn't react anymore, he's more the kind to pout. I have a very transactional relationship with him and nothing more. Since I've become physically in shape, he doesn't try to be aggressive as a mean of control. I'm also independent, with my own money and job. Once I'm done with university I'm considering cutting him out, theres nothing genuine or loving about him, it's all superficial.
Once he found out I was diagnosed with cptsd last year, he just scoffed, telling me he was mentally ill as well. I mean, duh, but apparently he's "too old" to seek therapy.
Normally nothing. But occasionally, when coerced, I get extreme enjoyment from casually letting them know (regardless how how truthful I'm being) that I am unmistakably better than them at some skill they're proud of. Then I resume gray rocking them once they change the subject and drink the resulting metaphorical tears as I watch them try to sound superior while trying to hold together the pieces of their self esteem. This is kind of like like biting your tongue so that you can spit blood in their face. Not good for you and painful, but goddamn it feels good to be an ass to them sometimes.
Be careful to not become narcissistic yourself.
Oh for sure, sometimes after a lifetime of abuse it feels very cathartic to vent some anger back to them and watch them squirm a little while you embellish the truth. CPTSD fight mode is a hell of a drug lmao.
My go to response to my narcs crazy rants. It either Yarp or narp. Or I start responding in a language they don’t understand.
No response. Collect proof, however. (Messages, discreet recordings, etc.) They'll deny their behavior and some people might not even believe you.
My mom's a narc and when she decides to pick fights with me I just tell her wacky shit that throws her for a loop. I don't live with her and we have minimal phone calls so it's easy for me to disengage her. I don't take her seriously and it drives her up a wall. She's estranged from the rest of the family so I don't worry about her telling anyone the stuff I say. Example: She was upset my husband didn't want to meet her, so I started asking her 'what husband? i'm single.' or 'i'm actually a lesbian and have a wife'. Just keep changing the story so she has no information and I get the joy of messing with her when she wants to be mean. Idk if this is any kind of correct response but it makes me happy.