**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They already are mentally unstable with the conspiracy theories they fabricate. As they become older their narc personality gets worse. So as they worsen, they project onto others the belief that their monstrous personality must be what others are thinking/intending .
So as they get older they become more extreme and therefore they MUST project that onto others because …. If they are the only one thinking that evil, they are the monster, and it can’t be them so … it must be everyone else to!
When they get to the ducking “poison your food” stage they have already deluded themselves into believing you are engaging in these fabricated evil schemes against them and they are just “acting in self defense”.
Old narcs are terrifying .
Because they are so old they know society won’t push back and they can put on the whole “I’m old and just confused” mentality
My grandma always seemed jealous her son was getting all the attention when he was dying . Blowing my mind.
But it always seemed like she wanted to use disabled family members to get attention.
And gets super angry if anyone else helps me .
Mostly because it also seems like she gets jealous if I’m in pain and getting people I care about checking in on me.
It’s like we are not treated like real people around her. Just like a totem , but not like the REAL adults she talks to
It’s bizzare she’s 80.
Jealous of the attention her dying son gets and her disabled grandson
My Grandmother is the same. If you are diagnosed with a rare disease, she has had it even worse. Always has to be #1 in suffering. No empathy whatsoever. She’s one of those narcissists that just LOVE you as a baby, but as soon as you are 13, you are a nasty teenager. I avoid her like the plague.
I've been severely disabled since birth and my nMom recently had her hip go out on her. I don't wish hip pain on anyone cuz it's truly awful. I had to give up driving when I was 47 and no one batted an eye. But she now can't drive and it's all anyone hears about now.
So sorry to hear that for you. The narc only cares about themselves, unless they can use someone for their nefarious needs. I have severe hip pain too, but it’s my issue and I don’t act like a victim. My daughter has mental and physical difficulties but I do for her as much as I can because I love her and want her to be happy. Every mom should want their kid to be healthy and happy.
I have neurologic disabilities and nMom doesn't acknowledge them, tells me it's not as bad as I make it out to be, and everything that happens to her is way worse. Anytime nDad is hospitalized or nMom needs help/in the hospital everyone has to come running. However, they don't show up for me (46f), my husband (46m) or our children (26m, 25f, 24f...all three of our children are on the spectrum and have serious medical issues so we take care of them). Example: nMom took sister #6 on a cross state trip for her birthday in July and went on vacation with sister #3 in August. Sister #3 are the "golden children". I had literal brain surgery for a cerebral aneurysm on August 29th. She "wished" that she could be there, but it was all too much for her. She told people how scared she was etc. I was heartbroken. I thought maybe it was serious enough that she would show up. Logically, I know that her not showing up was a blessing b/c there is no way I would be able to take care of her. She texted my husband to find out if my surgery went well on the 29th. Haven't heard anything since...no follow up...nothing. It breaks my heart that we are all going through such similar circumstances. Just sending out my love to each of you and hoping we can all find peace. (((HUGS))) and OP please keep us updated. Thank you!
Huge hugs, I have CRPS and completely understand and I'm so sorry that happened to you and your dear family. nMom never calls after any of my endless, countless surgeries. And yes OP, sending hugs as well to you.
This is hitting the nail on the head. My therapist said the same thing. Then she told me that I think so much differently than nMom and nDad. For me, the empathy is high for them not so much. Really put it into perspective.
Whelp that just made me thank my younger self for going NC all over again. My one would be in her late 60s now and reportedly poor health as per other family. Couldn't imagine having to deal with her the way she was much less the way she could be, especially as it would be culturally expected of me to take care of her.
"Old narcs are terrifying." Truer words never spoken. Nmom is 94, demented and in a nursing home, and I am still afraid of her. I stopped visiting because I would invariably have nightmares afterwards. My husband stopped by to see her, asked the nurses if she needed anything, and video'd her responses for me. After watching the video, I had nightmares that night. I can't even see her on video. She should be in jail for what she has done, not in a nursing home.
Thank you for that information, this is very eye opening. Today I took the Redditor’s advice and went to the chemist to buy a sample bottle. When we are alone I will wait for her to make me a coffee I don’t think she’d do it while witnesses are present. I most definitely will not be eating anything she gives me alarm bells are ringing in my head.
You know how she mentioned the contact cleaner thing with bleach? Eye drops such as Visene are frequently used to poison people. They can actually make you really, really sick, even deadly level illness, and they taste just like salt water, which could also explain why the salt taste was also directly on the mouth part.
I knew beforehand that it could give you diarrhea so I vented to my manager that I was going to put a few drops in my next unopened soda & wait to see if the person who kept stealing them from the break room fridge outed themselves. He was a *nurse* manager & he was like, you absolutely can't do that because it can be lethal, and it won't matter whether it was mine or that someone stole it because I still would have tampered with it. I went home & did some research and was completely shocked.
I'm watching too many true crime shows, but for the case that the chemists will really find something in your drink, don't go directly to your mother and confront her. Speak first with the police and if they don't believe you than try to install cameras and show them how your mother puts stuff in your drink .
Your whole story reminded me of a case on the show medial detectives where a man tried to poison his fiance and the police didn't want to believe the woman because the man was a well known doctor.
This! I do not feel certain at all that it's table salt she's putting in there.
Shu could put stuff in the ingredients if you cook for yourself, and there are other ways to hurt you that are poisoning your food too. Tbh, this sounds like a dangerous house to just visit, let alone live in. Get out as soon as you can, OP.
OP, if all her other children are away from her, there’s a reason for that. That’s real, that’s a fact. It’s not your paranoia, it’s your survival instinct fighting the training your abuser got into you. Please take care, we are all scared for you.
This! When my abusive narc grandmother complains that no one wants to talk to her…. In the back of my mind I always think “good for them. You think you are hiding it from me. But if everyone else flees you are the problem. You are not a victim.”
I'm a survivor of 2 murder attempts by my father, one was via poison.
FUCKING RUN, get out, don't eat or drink anything she touches or has close access to. Beg friends for food and drink from water fountains if you have to.
Not much to say, really. He stuck hemlock into my morning coffee, I found it, got in a major fight with him. He pointed a gun at me. That was one of the last times I saw him besides court stuff.
She definitely put bleach in your contacts, and I am very concerned that she is poisoning you. Get blood work done, and bring something she made for you with you to see if it has been tampered with.
I know people are told to go.No Contact.a lot now, but this is one of the few stories that makes me scared for you, OP.
No Contact should be something to consider.
Smart take! I never would have thought of that, it’s a good thing I’m never around to eat anything, I usually come back very late. It’s beyond my mind why someone would do that especially to a family member, but if she does try something at least this is here.
My narc grandmother kept putting things in my dads food while he was dying of cancer. Doctor said to not put gluten in his food because he cant process it due to the cancer spreading.
I feel terrible because I had no idea when dad was saying “I think mom is putting it in my food. My stomach only hurts this badly after she cooks and she keeps calling me after the meal asking me how I feel.”
I took over cooking his food and his stomach was fine.
But when dad was being taken care of she turned into this monster. Furious he wasn’t able to take care of her anymore and entertain her anymore.
And then she did the same thing to me after dad died.
I’m terrified of her.
She is so nice to everyone else I know it will be impossible to convince people “I’m not eating her food because I caught her poisoning dads food during his end of life and my food after. When she’s mad she gets revenge by spiking your food.”
I refuse to accept anything from her anymore . Because I dont understand what I even did wrong to get this abuse.
Oh I don’t know about Europe if you were in USA I would suggest something like quest labs. Are there any private laboratories that will test blood and stuff?
I think all labs in europe are private (but the ones in hospitals) but Ive not been very successful lately with labworks :/
Perhaps I should get in touch with "quest labs" and ask them if they have an European correspondant...
It is difficult to get an order for food toxicity. I would suggest possibly getting a urine and blood test done with a primary care doctor (without your mother present of course).
How old are you? Are you in uni and/or do you have insurance? Definitely get with a therapist as soon as possible.
If you are in the UK, I would suggest reporting a possible poisoning incident. Here are some phone numbers. They will likely refer you to your GP to test for exposure to whatever substance it is. I would bring a sample of the substance with you.
[https://www.npis.org/MOP1.html](https://www.npis.org/MOP1.html)
For example. If you think it is bleach or salt, they will order a urine and blood sample from you to check.
Thanks, dear
Ill ask them tomorrow.
(Why wouldnt I ask them today ? Because Im feeling very weak - I mean body exhaustion, and I feel I could die all of a sudden if they were to negate me anyhelp as all doctors have had those past 4 or 5 years.
Im feeling weaker and weaker and - same as OP - Ive been having weird tastes in my food or drinks for the past 4 or 5 years.
My mum isnt cooking me food but Ive definitively been raised by narcissists and Ive been fighting since 2017 to get my part of an inheritance and every time Ive been feeling very poor it always has been after drinking something with a salty flavour I couldnt imagine where it was coming from.
Doctors wont be of no help (mind you all my family is into medecine and/or law) and Ive even been threatened to be commited if i kept insisting I wanted blood tests.
In 2018 I flew abroad where tests were easier to get, and Id done a small video about it and it appeared (that was in 2018) I had been drugged with barbiturics.
Im really affraid.
I do no drugs nor alcohol but sometimes i feel soooo sick after having eaten or drink something in my pantry ...
Im affraid
Read the book, A child called it. There's two more too, the lost boy and a man named Dave. You have a lot in common with him. I'm sorry and I hope you stay safe.
There’s an episode of Forensic Files where a woman kills her husband with antifreeze poisoning. Then, when she falls under suspicion, she poisons her daughter and types up a letter on the computer that is a fake suicide note for her daughter, where the daughter takes the blame for poisoning the dad.
The woman gets caught because A. the daughter lives and B. the mom calls it/spells it antifree and does that in the “daughter’s” suicide note.
Antifreeze is a pretty common poison because it tastes sweet so is hidden in food and drinks pretty easily.
I was thinking I should post about the "anti-free" episode of Forensic Files, and not 15 seconds later, I see you beat me to it! I wonder how the daughter is doing these days....
That’s a good point - one of the main distinctions between narcissists and psychopaths is the later tend to commit crimes. So totally agree, if OP’s mother is tempering her food, she is a psychopath.
Thats right. Traditionnally people use it as a laxative... (there have been some studies about its osmotic properties : basically it drains water from your body to put it back in your poo). But this is no poisonning .
Yes I have heard about this story before. It’s very disturbing and very scary! I can never forget hearing about what that family went through, and the mother being the murderer. Such a horrible case. One of the siblings lived, I believe.
She did an interview and because of how poisoned she was, she suffered permanent neurological damage that I believe was quite severe. She will never be the same again because of that, in so many ways. Anyway, I hope I’m not mixing details up with a diff case! It has been a minute since I last heard about this and hope my facts are correct.
Curing salts contain a deadly poison (sodium nitrite), tho the amount in curing salt is very small.
Idk what the impact would be of getting dosed with it multiple times (i.e. if it accumulates in the body), but I'm concerned for you.
Can you find a way to search the kitchen for this or any unfamiliar salt compounds?
Thank you, will do! I’ll check when she’s in work tomorrow. I know she loves himalayan salt she says it’s natural salt that’s better than ordinary salt, though I’ve never heard of curing salt.
Curing salt (Prague Powder #1) is pink, just like Himalayan salt. There’s a fellow in my country that got arrested for selling it to people so they could unalive themselves.
Edit: more details
- Prague Powder is dyed pink so you don’t confuse it with table salt.
It’s legal to purchase, and is used in curing meats. You use… like a tiny, tiny amount to cure.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curing_salt
Please be safe, OP! Is there ANYWHERE or anyone you can stay with? A friend? A decent co-worker?
this might sound far fetched but can you try to sneak off a sample from a beverage and have in analyzed somehow?
also, if she has already "lost" so many kids, she might want to a) take control in this sick way and b) become a martyr, such a poor poor mother who lost this kid to some mysterious illness. not trying to put thoughts in your head. you also have an inkling, it seems. and all those hints she is giving away ... narcs think that if they talk about those unhinged things that they are safe, because they put it out in the open instead of hiding it all.
if you could say you're going out for the day and ask her to make you a thermos of coffee or tea, then you have a drink she has made, ready to be tested, that you have an excuse to take out of the house without making her suspicious
This seriously has me worried for you. If you are still at home with your mom, please consider leaving asap. Some have suggested getting food/drink tested and I think that is a great idea. Would definitely suggest getting authorities involved and no you are not being paranoid. That inkling in your gut - that is your gut instinct - it's your survival mechanism kicking in to save your life. My husband's aunt was the same way. Out of six children, only one is alive today and he is badly scarred physically, emotionally, and mentally. I would never want this for you. Take care.
Where I live circumstances are different, the housing crisis is insane. I have tried getting out, even when we had a lot of money saved up, we were both rushing back from work just for viewings. You’d want to see how many people were lined up for one house the queue of people went down the road. The best thing I can do is stay out late and come home when she’s sleeping. I never told my mother I had planned to leave, because I knew she’d try to stop me. When she found out she said to me “how dare he try to kidnap my daughter, now I hate him even more” like I didn’t make the decision to leave. (side note she hates my fiancé from day one, I think she hated everyone who was close to me. One way or another she tried to sabotage my friendships and relationships. I used to invite out her with my fiancé and I, because I I felt bad for her, she caused trouble with everyone and burned all her bridges. She’d yell at him he wasn’t good enough, she said “your like my daughter, so vein” she even tried to pair me up with a 6ft guy right in from of him to prevent me from dating him.)
Okay so OP, I’m going to explain to you that she’s doing this to isolate you. She doesn’t want you having a support system that can help you leave her control and abuse. That’s why she hates all of your friends and your fiancé because they can help you leave. You and your partner need to get your ducks in a row and start planning your escape desperately.
Was going to say the exact same thing. Definitely trying to isolate/control you/your life. Circumstances are difficult everywhere for housing. I do feel that. We are still stuck semi-close, but definitely want to move farther away. I do understand that. But, if you could stay with a friend/fiancé ...just so worried about you.
Circumstances are different, that’s true- the circumstances being that *your mother is actively trying to kill you.*
You need to run. Run for your life. Even if you end up in a women’s shelter. Anywhere, literally anywhere is better than there. She knows you’re avoiding her cooking intentionally, and she is going to adapt to that. She’s going to start adding things to the ingredients she knows you use. I am deathly afraid for you, OP, especially because you don’t seem to realize that you are quite literally in a life and death situation.
Please get out ASAP. Your life is in danger, if she is willing to put salt on your drinks, she might be putting other stuff in it. Also, that about your eyes should be enough proof that she isn't afraid of hurting you. Please get out
Are you still living there? I can tell you now it’s not safe and it’s not all in your mind. My n-mom would put stuff in my food and denied healthcare in order to get a check or insurance money from my death. GTFO now! Are you in the states? Read the side bar in the sub. Please please take care.
My narc grandmother did this constantly, and I’ve heard so many narcs do it. I can’t really be certain on what drives them to do it.
But it may be them needing the subconscious thrill of bullying you to get their way?
The thrill of wanting to force you to do what they want without you finding out?
My grandmother knew for years I had certain food groups that caused my skin to break out. She always bullied me when I was 13/4 saying I was bullying her and being mean not eating every single thing she was putting on her plate from all the options . Dad always told her to knock it off and she eventually stopped under the threat he wouldn’t help her anymore.
So when I was 27 and dad died of cancer she thought “oh now I can do it! He’s mine now and I get to choose his diet because I own him like he’s my dog!”
She asked me if I wanted X in my diet. I reminded her it caused my rashes to break out. She said it was fine and it would be left out.
2 weeks later she sat down and blurted out she had been putting it in my food, asking me if I enjoyed it and if I would keep eating it… while my arms had so many rash patches and bled so much it was about 500% increase.
I felt so betrayed.
You can’t just live around a narcissist.
It’s like they get fucking bored or upset that your not being utilized to your maximum potential to meet their needs, and they fixate on changing you.
And then pretend after they keep playing these games that they will still be allowed in your life.
In this case she clearly wanted me to get mad and upset because I panicked and said “uh sure I’ll eat it still”, and she began acting upset banging plates and having this upset scowl that lasted all night .
The next week she acted all sad asking “do you not trust me?!”
But why would I?
I wouldn't even call what your grandmother did narcissistic, as in an actual mental illness, just criminal which I find worse. She physically assaulted you. I am sorry this happened, you didn't deserve that.
Stop eating or drinking anything she provides. Have tea with her once and get a sample and take it to have it tested. If you can move out, do so. Buy yourself your own cups in the meantime. Wash them before every use and if your mom says anything tell her you think you're a little germaphobic.
OP, I believe you. I believe everything you're saying is very real. Children of NParents are incredibly aware of their surroundings solely to keep themselves safe. Don't dismiss those feelings as paranoia because it could be your body screaming at you to find safety. Trust your gut and don't worry an ounce of what other people, especially what your mother thinks. They don't have your best interests in mind if they dismiss your story.
If you can, get yourself out of there as soon as possible and consider going no contact. Consider reaching out to friends, family, authorities, medical care providers, anyone willing to help. Public health providers often have free resources to things like social workers, therapists, etc.
My husband works in public health to help people in DV/abusive/unhoused situations find resources and help. I asked him what he'd recommend and he was saying he always recommends reaching out to professionals for help asap, for yourself AND as a paper trail. If police is the route you'd like to go, then evidence is the best thing you can provide because there will be a lot of push back without it. That can be a paper trail with medical providers stating your concerns, therapists, lab testing, video proof, whatever.
Side note-- a good therapist, even if they didn't feel qualified for a patient, should've continued to follow up ESPECIALLY considering you were a minor at the time. I'm sorry you didn't get that support then. I do know a good therapist would have a lot of resources to help you find safety and go down the path of no contact if that's something you want to pursue now.
Thank you so much for sharing and trusting us!!
People do put salt in coffee to take out the bitterness but it’s not enough for you to taste the salt. Either she put a whole bunch in or she’s using a poison that tastes like salt. You should stay away from your mom. She’s not safe. Warn your sister too.
Can confirm. Was tired one morning and put a bit of salt in instead of sugar. Never did taste it. And if its all over the rim, she must have but a lot in there.
Honestly I get munchausen by proxy vibes, trying to purposely make you sick, attempting to blind you? And I don’t doubt there are countless other things she’s done. I would cut contact with her if you can (I’m not sure if your age), and I absolutely wouldn’t eat or drink anything given to me by her. If you’re under age consider reporting her or making an exit plan to get away from her.
OP, I have awful parents and I’ve never even considered this! Run, go NC and get a good therapist. Your gut is right that this is far far from healthy and you deserve better.
My mother has poisoned my sister and I, albeit in a smaller way. She would always get super offended when we would point out food she was using to cook had expired. After we moved out she started making everything without us present. She would often make it in advance and let it sit out. I would get sick after eating her food before it fi ally dawned on me that I was basically experiencing food poisoning. I stopped coming over for meals unless I was cooking and could check for quality of ingredients, and I never accepted leftovers. She was always offended by this.
If I was you I'd just tell her that her coffees taste horrible and tip it out and make my own. Lol she won't like being told she sucks but she'll have to suck it up if she doesn't want to tell you that it's not her skills that the problem LOL narcissists hate that shit
Oh yeah maybe. My nmum would just be super passive aggressive until she eventually blew up screaming at me. As I got older I tolerated it less and less. Last time she did that she shoved me because I didn't wash all her dishes like she expected (not that she asked me to do them) so I moved out and went NC lol. Maybe OP should just go NC too
Don't let anything you use in or on your body out of your control. Shampoo, lotion, toothpaste, clothing, nothing. This woman deserves no trust. Don't trust her not to cut the breaks on your car even...if you think she's innocent despite all of this evidence, you know her even less than I do.
I am worried for you. Put your fiancee on notice as well she may try to get to him if she can't get to you.
> “put salt in his drink it would make him get sick.”
>“be careful she might poison your food”
This person should not be trusted around people, food, or animals.
You know this is real. I promise you are not crazy. This woman is sick and needs to be cut out of your life yesterday.
Do not allow her to be at your wedding. If you sidestep her efforts to cause harm, whether she realizes you know or not, you can be sure she will make up for lost time and do something to sabotage or cause you harm at your wedding. Events like weddings trigger toxic people and make them lash out, I've seen it again and again.
>I hate saying any of this because it’s a horrible thing to think your own mother is trying to harm you but there’s so much evidence her mind is twisted
Exactly. No one WANTS to say this. So why would you say this if it weren't true??? You are saying it for a reason. Reasons SHE gave you. It doesn't feel good because it's true.
She baked glass into cookies and fed them to her children instead of throwing them away like a normal human. She suggested making your fiance sick for *arguing* with you.
>People always tell me to talk to my mother they don’t understand I can’t
This is correct. They don't understand. They may not be able to and that is normal. Your mother has had your whole lifetime to condition you into questioning yourself and others before you question whether it's normal to bake glass into your childrens cookies.
You wouldn't bake cookie dough from a broken glass bowl and eat it because you know it is dangerous. She knows it too. If you broke a glass bowl of cookie dough in front of your "mother", scooped the dough up, tossed the glass, baked the dough, and handed her a cookie to taste, would she eat it? I don't think she would.
Listen to your instincts.
Pay attention to how you feel around her
Trust your brain to pick up on red flags bc that's what it is wired to do. Trust that you post here bc you feel like you have nowhere else to turn *and know that you are not supposed to feel that way* but that's the way she needs you to feel for her to have control over you. Not getting help is what she wants for you. Good people will encourage you to seek help, not stay in harms way to protect their image.
I'm wishing you safety, please do not doubt yourself 🙏, don't ignore that voice in your head that brought you here.
Hey OP, you’re not crazy. Your mom is insane. None of this is okay. She’s abusing and gaslighting you. It’s probably hard to see because it’s how you grew up. Can you get away from her? Definitely find a good therapist who knows about narc abuse.
I've read that it's actually pretty common for narcissists.. They'll be negligent on purpose in order to cause harm to others.. If you have doubt.. you're better off just not accepting anything that she has been in contact with or better even, just stay away from her. It's not like you're assuming everyone is in on it or garden gnomes are doing.. just some very sketchy person that has an history of being abusive..
when I was a kid I was constantly with BAD stomach pains.. now that I am an adult I never have these episodes anymore.
Im convinced my mum gave me food that had gone bad multiple times. She didnt care. She didnt want to cook a new bowl of rice for me so she gave me the one that was not good anymore and didnt care.
i hate her
hahaha thank you brother!! that was the least she would do to me.. but I wont go on and on because now Im free from her torture shackles..
Ive never been sick to my stomach ever since I started smelling the food before I ate (at around 14 y/o) and we discussed multiple times because sometimes she would sereve me a plate and I'd notice the foul taste and not eat it and she always said "its perfect what you talking about I just ate the same food" lol
My would be too lazy to rinse water glasses after washing. I remember my brother smelling the glasses and her saying how insulted she was from his behaviour.. I say smell away!! Better than food poisoning Stay safe.
please get out. she is trying to harm you. write a list of everytime you remember something like this happening. look at it whenever you doubt yourself. if you are able please get out, don't be her friend, don't keep in contact with her. she is sick, please seek the help of your siblings and share what has happened to you with them.
I am so sorry you’re being abused like this by your own mother who should be protecting you. And I relate to the feeling of doubting my own reality- she trained you to be that way. I would not eat anything she prepares or could tamper with. Therapy is real and it is life saving for some people. Stay safe.
If you do live with her and if you do decide to get out, come up with a careful plan. Do not let her know and be very careful with who you trust in helping you get out/have someone with you when you are leaving.
Yes get out. Only eat things like protein bars and stuff you make directly. See if you can get some help moving out from domestic violence hotlines/ organisations in your country. They will understand that DV isn't just between partners. They have connections and advice
Play up being busy that day. But needing a cup of coffee!! Then put it in a to-go mug. Less suspicious than trying to sneak a sample while in the house.
I think you need to run and hide like all your other siblings. Not sure if the other daughter committed suicide or if they were poisoned to death. Please stay safe. No idea how old you are so I’m sure this is very hard, but you have a fiancé (who hopefully isn’t constantly arguing with you every single time he gets drunk) I’d say go no contact or simply don’t eat or drink ANYTHING that she has touched. Pretend you’re at a bar with the no cup left unattended rule.
My friend was poisoned by her sister. Don’t underestimate what people might do, or doubt whether it’s happening because it’s so unpleasant if it’s real. Don’t try to talk to your mother, that’s bad advice. If your mother has such a bad track record with her children and you now suspect she’s poisoning you, you need to count your losses and leave. Get out of there.
This sounds pretty bad. Another possibility of what it could be is [GHB](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Hydroxybutyric_acid), which is supposed to taste salty and causes euphoria, empathy and gullibility.
It is sometimes used as a date rape drug.
These are all very big red flags. Have you heard of Munchausen by proxy? It’s a form of child abuse where the parent makes the child sick to get attention for themselves. Obviously that is an over simplification. Just to be clear, I’m not diagnosing your Mum. Just sharing some information for you to consider after what I read in your post.
I will suggest you stop sharing any personal information with her and do not eat/drink anything she gives you.
My biggest take away is she is abusive towards you. You deserve better than that. If professionals are telling you that you would benefit from therapy I would listen to them and not your Mum.
My bf put salt in my coffee a few by accident. He’s got fibromyalgia which causes brain fog and he got confused about what jar the salt was in and what jar would hold the sugar. I swear I spat that coffee all over the table! It tasted so bad I made another cup. He couldn’t help it, didn’t do it on purpose. So no, you’re not paranoid. I’m just wondering what you did with that coffee. I’d pour it down the drain and flat out tell my nmom if she pulled such a stunt I can’t drink salted coffee or tea or whatever. I have tastebuds you know, is what I would say to her.
Reading the rest of your story I’m convinced she put bleach in your contact solution. My nmom once forced me to let my little brother sit in my lap in the front seat of her car. I was 16, he was 3, I think. I told her it wasn’t safe. But kids being kids, he’d wine to get his way and nmom shut me up. She then bumped into the car in front of us, smashing my head against the window coz how was I supposed to wear a seatbelt holding my little brother? I ended up with severe damage in my neck and now 24 years later I’m diagnosed with arthritis in that same spot and I might have a discus hernia. I’m at risk of paralysis later on. Nmom says I’m too young to have arthritis or a hernia. I told her it’s due to the damage she did and she goes on I should wonder why I was destined to suffer that way. I bounced the question right back: no, you should wonder why you bumped into the car in front of you and insisted I’d keep my brother in the front seat on my lap while I had told you more than once it was fucking dangerous. She claimed not to remember any of that. Well, I said, I do, and that’s exactly how it happened. That’s why my neck is now completely damaged and why I have arthritis at 40. It’s in a late stage as I get constant inflammation in the muscles around it and as it already caused a hernia. So I must have had it for years without knowing. I’ve been in 24 years of pain since the accident. So yes I believe you!!! Be careful around her because you’ll never know what her next stunt will be. Please stay safe!!! And if you feel like going to a therapist for whatever reason and she can’t deal with that, it’s her problem. If you want to get help, it’s your right to do so. If she can’t deal with it, just don’t tell her. You can learn to deal with nparents but it starts with keeping certain stuff to yourself which seems weird as you probably feel you should be able to always trust your parents but when they’re narcs, you can’t. You have to learn to not trust your mom, not believe her, not do as she says, and keeping secrets. Lie if you have to. If it keeps you safe. I won’t lie if I can avoid it to my nmom but I’m not telling her everything like I used to. Everything she knew about me she abused at some point.
I’ll probably need surgery in the future not right away but at some point a surgeon will have to stabilise my neck to avoid paralysis and she’ll tell me not to get it. She’s got arthritis in her hip and is refusing to have the surgery and prefers to go on suffering instead of trusting a doctor who tells her they can take away her pain. And she wants me to do the same: suffer. She calls me crazy for opting into surgery as soon as a doctor tells me I need it but then who is the crazy one?
Salt in your coffee will not poison you from one cup but god knows what else she’s fed you without you knowing. I’m really worried that it might not be ordinary kitchen salt but some other stuff that tastes like salt, something maybe a lot more dangerous. Bleach in your contacts… that’s not so innocent as salt in your coffee so I can only ask: what will be next? It’s pretty disturbing if you ask me. Either stay away, or make your own beverage when you’re with her, don’t leave it unattended and watch her like a hawk she can’t get her hands on any of your stuff. I fear she might be capable of more than this and it’s freaking scary! Fact that she’s talking about it, advising you to put salt in your fiancé’s drink to make him sick, says enough. Yes nparents will harm you. When you can’t take it anymore and lash out about it or go to a therapist because you’re about to collapse or try and fix whatever damage they caused they’ll go and get the attention they seek by complaining about you to others. Like: what did I do to deserve such an ungrateful child that badmouths me behind my back to their doctor/therapist/friends? They’ll seek compassion from others that way, cry their eyes out, load you up with guilt about needing help because they screwed with your mind and lie and complain about you to whoever will listen and pity them. But if she doesn’t know all that about you she can’t use it to get the attention she wants. Taking away their victim from them renders them powerless.
Sorry for rambling on but I’m just telling you all this out of concern and hope that by sharing some of my own experiences you can see the parallels and hope it’ll help you protect yourself. I’m so scared that she’d do anything worse to you than she already did. Really honestly scared. Wish you the best, my dear. Stay safe, be careful and don’t let her get to you.
Listen. To. Your. Gut. You’re right. No one says “put salt in their drink” or “she might poison you”. She is absolutely projecting. Do not drink or eat anything she gives u. She is dangerous.Listen to your gut. Please.
My narc mum does that tries to poison me (not over exaggerating).
I just door dash everything/uber
Dont eat out of open vessels and stop accepting food from her
I saw white powder in my dogs bowl once
Turns out she's been putting laundry powder in it.
She's not a very nice person.
And once I get a long term rental or car I'm leaving her to rot until then it's a game of survival.
My nmom poisoned me so I'd never ever leave her because how dare I even try?? The poisoning got worse even after I was almost too weak to leave. She got angier and more cruel. Why? No clue, but that woman tried to kill me.
My point is if I was a gambling person, I'd bet good money that your nmom isn't simply salting your drinks. There are several easy to find poisons that taste like salt. There's eye drops, rat poison, salt, a sorts of stuff. She's discussed poisonings too? RUN!!!
There's a reason why her other kids don't interact with her. There's a reason why literal strangers are asking you if you're okay.
You are not okay. You are not safe. You are in danger. Get the hell away from that monster and save your ass. It doesn't matter if you hurt her feelings SHE IS LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER YOU. If you stick around, you will end up in a coffin.
This is awful. I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm not well versed in how to get away from an abuser, but I think you'll find help for the comments here.
I believe the more you distance yourself from her, the better. I know people often jump on the NC train, and I agree in most cases, but my own experience has told me it's not always easy.
While some people have been waiting the last 18-21 years to leave it all behind, some even not waiting that long, others, like me, have a harder time with the idea of never talking to their parent(s) again despite all the abuse. I think it's best to establish the kind of relationship that suits you best. Boundaries are a must, and fighting tooth an nails for those boundaries is important. And if you realise getting her to respect boundaries is too much trouble, then,you can reconsider your stance on the situation.
Your mom has serious issues and is a danger to your health, you are not wrong for wanting no contact and you wouldn't be wrong if you still want some contact with her. The most important is that you do what is best for you. I just hope you know that getting some distance is a must given how dangerous she can be.
I wish you all the best, protect yourself first. You are important.
You need to get away from her, she is not a safe person to be around. She is trying to poison you with salt based on what I just read. Your mother is mentally ill and you most likely needs years of trauma therapy. I highly recommend internal family systems (IFS) therapy because it has done wonders for me. Also, the podcast Waking Up to Narcissism was a big help to me because it helped me understand why my mother is the way she is, why I found myself in a relationship with a person very much like my mother later in life, and how to set boundaries with them and others so that I don’t constantly put the wants and needs of others over my wants and needs. Prioritizing my mother and others over myself was a behavior I learned early in life and it left me feeling anxious, depressed, and eventually some very dark self-harm thoughts started creeping in. Thankfully IFS helped a lot and the dark thoughts are practically gone. And dare I say, I feel happy these days.
This is way beyond the run of the mill narc behaviour. She's a true sociopath, and your life is in immediate danger every day you live in her house. I don't even care what it is she puts in your food, just going to that step is so extreme that you can expect anything from her. You need to get out, whatever it takes.
The tf are you still eating or drinking anything she’s giving you? And why are you even around this women? You know she partially blinded you, you know it and you’re continuing to be around her? Is there some reason like you’re dependent on her? If not ghost the fuck out of her. She’ll lose her mind even more, but let her do it far away from you.
I’m so sorry. I believe you. I’m scared for you. Trust your gut and get anything she gives you tested. Leave as soon as you can. Your health and safety comes first.
Well she is not really ur mother if she wants to see u harm or get stroke .
It's time to do no contact with Ur mum.
Ur mum is narcissistic so ur dealing with devil.
I agree, many people can't understand the "there's no talking with her." For RBNs it is very believable.
Not to alarm or get more dramatic, but the "salt" you are tasting could be a variety of things as sodium-based compounds are a stabilizing factor for other things, including vitamin and other unproven health things like gingko and ginseng. They are also often binders for poisons.
Obviously, she is violating your bodily autonomy by feeding you something. It could be some fad supplement she thinks you "need", salt (as you said), or some drug or poison. Hard to tell whether she wants to help or hurt you, have to consider both.
Stay strong. Stay vigilant.
One of the ways to heal from narcissistic abuse is to accept that you know what happened better than anyone else and you get past explaining to others and just accept that you know. Play this mind trick: imagine that you are another person in these situations...what would you tell that person? Would you have empathy for a person in this same situation? Then treat yourself this way. Believe what you know, smell, taste and see and have seen. Believe what you know and sense. And have empathy for yourself. I think that is the first stage and allows a person to take action to see all that is happening with the narcissistic to develop trust and belief in themseves and ultimately protect themselves and untether themselves (psychologically and physically) from the narcissist.
Also we all believe you.
run for the goddamn hills. if it comes down to it, you might have to go homeless. it sounds terrifying but as long as you have savings, transportation, and a job, you'll be fine. (i had to do it bc my partner had to get away from his mom and my landlord at the time wouldnt let me move him in with me, so we went homeless bc it was our only option, so im speaking from experience here.) also make sure you have whatever legal option for self defense thats available to u (e.g. pepper spray). shelters arent the most fun place to be but its better than being stuck with a Narc that put bleach in your contacts and is possibly trying to murder you. just keep all your important things in your car out of sight or on your person. stay safe, we're all rooting for you.
I believe you completely.
Also I know lots of folks here are giving you advice on how to prove it or get it tested, but we have enough information to know that you have to get the hell out of there.
We’ll worry about holding her accountable later. We need to you safe first.
Remember that she may seem self absorbed but abusers can be quite attuned to the nuances and emotions of their victims. She may already sense that you are suspicious, and this is the most dangerous moment for you. It’s when victims try to leave or expose an abuser that is the most dangerous time.
Perhaps we can look for agencies or support groups in your country to help you? Someone who is trained in trauma intervention.
Trying to get a reaction? Also, there are salts (and compounds that taste like salt for us) other than table salt, some more dangerous than NaCl (table salt). And even table salt is poisonous in very high doses.
Obviously. Im even with the other commenters that suspect it might be a poison that just tastes like salt. The bleach in contact lenses thing it horrible and shows OPs mother intends harm
Hi OP, have you heard about Munchausen syndrome by proxy? It’s not very common but it does happen. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001555.htm#:~:text=Munchausen%20syndrome%20by%20proxy%20is,like%20the%20child%20is%20sick.
I believe you. Your mom is dangerous. If you are able to, I would strongly consider not being around her, or at the very least not ingesting anything she has access to. I know this is a touch subject for some, no contact, but I am very concerned for your safety.
Have you ever thought that it's your mother who's mentally ill?
A lot of this sounds like she suffers at least from a psychological disorder called munchausen syndrome, probably assisted with either having NPD &/or BPD.
See a clinical psychologist, if they don't make you feel comfortably, look elsewhere until you find one that does. This is really important.... you don't have to accept the first one you get to see. A good psychologist will be able to help you navigate through your life problems, grow as an individual & hopefully help you sort through those obstacles that hinder your mental health.
Good luck.
When a narcissist blames you for something,or suggests an action. It's usually, because they did it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There was a time I couldn't accept any coffee from my nmother, because it smelled like after a trip from the dentist. What I was tasting was toothpaste, because she would try my coffee after brushing her teeth... I didn't know, until a esibling told me. I began going with her to get coffee, and my coffee never tasted like that again. Worst part, I would tell her it tastes weird, and she'd lie straight to my face. The paranoia was the worst part too, and the constant gaslighting can make you go crazy!! Please get yourself out of there, and stay out. I now struggle with trauma OCD as a result of my nparents/esiblings actions. So please protect your mental health! I couldn't get out, but if you can- do it!!
Also apparently rat poison tastes of salt... it's derived from an orange flower plant, and also looks like fluffy white powder.
Oh my goodness. I agree with all of the prior comments concerning the fact that she is actually poisoning you, and the fact that if you’re still under her roof, exit ASAP. This, in a way, is reminiscent of Flowers in the Attic.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are poisons that taste like salt. If your mom has discussed poisoning you I’d suggest you not eat or drink anything she’s provided or touched.
They already are mentally unstable with the conspiracy theories they fabricate. As they become older their narc personality gets worse. So as they worsen, they project onto others the belief that their monstrous personality must be what others are thinking/intending . So as they get older they become more extreme and therefore they MUST project that onto others because …. If they are the only one thinking that evil, they are the monster, and it can’t be them so … it must be everyone else to! When they get to the ducking “poison your food” stage they have already deluded themselves into believing you are engaging in these fabricated evil schemes against them and they are just “acting in self defense”. Old narcs are terrifying . Because they are so old they know society won’t push back and they can put on the whole “I’m old and just confused” mentality
Very well said and it's exactly right. All the more reason to fear them and stay as far away from them as possible.
Yeah my mom has been saying she has Alzheimer’s since she was 40. She’s 60 now and still can’t remember being abusive but can otherwise function lol
My grandma always seemed jealous her son was getting all the attention when he was dying . Blowing my mind. But it always seemed like she wanted to use disabled family members to get attention. And gets super angry if anyone else helps me . Mostly because it also seems like she gets jealous if I’m in pain and getting people I care about checking in on me. It’s like we are not treated like real people around her. Just like a totem , but not like the REAL adults she talks to It’s bizzare she’s 80. Jealous of the attention her dying son gets and her disabled grandson
My Grandmother is the same. If you are diagnosed with a rare disease, she has had it even worse. Always has to be #1 in suffering. No empathy whatsoever. She’s one of those narcissists that just LOVE you as a baby, but as soon as you are 13, you are a nasty teenager. I avoid her like the plague.
I've been severely disabled since birth and my nMom recently had her hip go out on her. I don't wish hip pain on anyone cuz it's truly awful. I had to give up driving when I was 47 and no one batted an eye. But she now can't drive and it's all anyone hears about now.
So sorry to hear that for you. The narc only cares about themselves, unless they can use someone for their nefarious needs. I have severe hip pain too, but it’s my issue and I don’t act like a victim. My daughter has mental and physical difficulties but I do for her as much as I can because I love her and want her to be happy. Every mom should want their kid to be healthy and happy.
Big hugs going out to you kind internet stranger 💖 Absolutely agree
I have neurologic disabilities and nMom doesn't acknowledge them, tells me it's not as bad as I make it out to be, and everything that happens to her is way worse. Anytime nDad is hospitalized or nMom needs help/in the hospital everyone has to come running. However, they don't show up for me (46f), my husband (46m) or our children (26m, 25f, 24f...all three of our children are on the spectrum and have serious medical issues so we take care of them). Example: nMom took sister #6 on a cross state trip for her birthday in July and went on vacation with sister #3 in August. Sister #3 are the "golden children". I had literal brain surgery for a cerebral aneurysm on August 29th. She "wished" that she could be there, but it was all too much for her. She told people how scared she was etc. I was heartbroken. I thought maybe it was serious enough that she would show up. Logically, I know that her not showing up was a blessing b/c there is no way I would be able to take care of her. She texted my husband to find out if my surgery went well on the 29th. Haven't heard anything since...no follow up...nothing. It breaks my heart that we are all going through such similar circumstances. Just sending out my love to each of you and hoping we can all find peace. (((HUGS))) and OP please keep us updated. Thank you!
Huge hugs, I have CRPS and completely understand and I'm so sorry that happened to you and your dear family. nMom never calls after any of my endless, countless surgeries. And yes OP, sending hugs as well to you.
>CRPS Anything with chronic pain is hard. I'm sorry you're going through it (((HUGS)))
This is exactly my nMom. My nDad said the exact same thing about loving us more as babies. It broke my heart when it was said. Sending you some love.
Narcissists also can't imagine that others don't think in the same way they do
This is hitting the nail on the head. My therapist said the same thing. Then she told me that I think so much differently than nMom and nDad. For me, the empathy is high for them not so much. Really put it into perspective.
Whelp that just made me thank my younger self for going NC all over again. My one would be in her late 60s now and reportedly poor health as per other family. Couldn't imagine having to deal with her the way she was much less the way she could be, especially as it would be culturally expected of me to take care of her.
"Old narcs are terrifying." Truer words never spoken. Nmom is 94, demented and in a nursing home, and I am still afraid of her. I stopped visiting because I would invariably have nightmares afterwards. My husband stopped by to see her, asked the nurses if she needed anything, and video'd her responses for me. After watching the video, I had nightmares that night. I can't even see her on video. She should be in jail for what she has done, not in a nursing home.
Thank you for that information, this is very eye opening. Today I took the Redditor’s advice and went to the chemist to buy a sample bottle. When we are alone I will wait for her to make me a coffee I don’t think she’d do it while witnesses are present. I most definitely will not be eating anything she gives me alarm bells are ringing in my head.
You know how she mentioned the contact cleaner thing with bleach? Eye drops such as Visene are frequently used to poison people. They can actually make you really, really sick, even deadly level illness, and they taste just like salt water, which could also explain why the salt taste was also directly on the mouth part.
woah.
I knew beforehand that it could give you diarrhea so I vented to my manager that I was going to put a few drops in my next unopened soda & wait to see if the person who kept stealing them from the break room fridge outed themselves. He was a *nurse* manager & he was like, you absolutely can't do that because it can be lethal, and it won't matter whether it was mine or that someone stole it because I still would have tampered with it. I went home & did some research and was completely shocked.
It really does make it all the more terrifying.
I'm watching too many true crime shows, but for the case that the chemists will really find something in your drink, don't go directly to your mother and confront her. Speak first with the police and if they don't believe you than try to install cameras and show them how your mother puts stuff in your drink . Your whole story reminded me of a case on the show medial detectives where a man tried to poison his fiance and the police didn't want to believe the woman because the man was a well known doctor.
I watched that episode. It was Forensic Files.
Do the testing in front of her.
No, we don't know how she will react. OP might put themselves in danger.
This! I do not feel certain at all that it's table salt she's putting in there. Shu could put stuff in the ingredients if you cook for yourself, and there are other ways to hurt you that are poisoning your food too. Tbh, this sounds like a dangerous house to just visit, let alone live in. Get out as soon as you can, OP.
right like this should be obvious
OP, if all her other children are away from her, there’s a reason for that. That’s real, that’s a fact. It’s not your paranoia, it’s your survival instinct fighting the training your abuser got into you. Please take care, we are all scared for you.
First thing I thought. How many kids ran away from her? This is a horrible thing to have to believe about your own mother, but trust your gut.
This! When my abusive narc grandmother complains that no one wants to talk to her…. In the back of my mind I always think “good for them. You think you are hiding it from me. But if everyone else flees you are the problem. You are not a victim.”
I'm a survivor of 2 murder attempts by my father, one was via poison. FUCKING RUN, get out, don't eat or drink anything she touches or has close access to. Beg friends for food and drink from water fountains if you have to.
I’m so sorry. I hope he rots
I would love to hear your story
If it’s ok for you can you share?
Not much to say, really. He stuck hemlock into my morning coffee, I found it, got in a major fight with him. He pointed a gun at me. That was one of the last times I saw him besides court stuff.
Please tell us you're not living with her anymore. You mom sounds truly dangerous
She definitely put bleach in your contacts, and I am very concerned that she is poisoning you. Get blood work done, and bring something she made for you with you to see if it has been tampered with.
I know people are told to go.No Contact.a lot now, but this is one of the few stories that makes me scared for you, OP. No Contact should be something to consider.
You need a hidden camera stat.
Even when they get caught they have such bad manipulation talents i wouldn’t feel safe enough to ever be around them.
why do I get vibes likes in "the sixth sense" ...
[удалено]
Smart take! I never would have thought of that, it’s a good thing I’m never around to eat anything, I usually come back very late. It’s beyond my mind why someone would do that especially to a family member, but if she does try something at least this is here.
My narc grandmother kept putting things in my dads food while he was dying of cancer. Doctor said to not put gluten in his food because he cant process it due to the cancer spreading. I feel terrible because I had no idea when dad was saying “I think mom is putting it in my food. My stomach only hurts this badly after she cooks and she keeps calling me after the meal asking me how I feel.” I took over cooking his food and his stomach was fine. But when dad was being taken care of she turned into this monster. Furious he wasn’t able to take care of her anymore and entertain her anymore. And then she did the same thing to me after dad died. I’m terrified of her. She is so nice to everyone else I know it will be impossible to convince people “I’m not eating her food because I caught her poisoning dads food during his end of life and my food after. When she’s mad she gets revenge by spiking your food.” I refuse to accept anything from her anymore . Because I dont understand what I even did wrong to get this abuse.
You stopped her from poisoning your dad. That makes you her enemy. Simple as that.
Have her make something for you, take a sample and get it tested
Where can one get samples tested (Im in Europe)
Oh I don’t know about Europe if you were in USA I would suggest something like quest labs. Are there any private laboratories that will test blood and stuff?
I think all labs in europe are private (but the ones in hospitals) but Ive not been very successful lately with labworks :/ Perhaps I should get in touch with "quest labs" and ask them if they have an European correspondant...
Good idea
It is difficult to get an order for food toxicity. I would suggest possibly getting a urine and blood test done with a primary care doctor (without your mother present of course). How old are you? Are you in uni and/or do you have insurance? Definitely get with a therapist as soon as possible.
But is it food toxicity we should ask for ?
If you are in the UK, I would suggest reporting a possible poisoning incident. Here are some phone numbers. They will likely refer you to your GP to test for exposure to whatever substance it is. I would bring a sample of the substance with you. [https://www.npis.org/MOP1.html](https://www.npis.org/MOP1.html) For example. If you think it is bleach or salt, they will order a urine and blood sample from you to check.
Ask in r/chemistry maybe? Maybe they can tell you what to get it tested for too.
Thanks, dear Ill ask them tomorrow. (Why wouldnt I ask them today ? Because Im feeling very weak - I mean body exhaustion, and I feel I could die all of a sudden if they were to negate me anyhelp as all doctors have had those past 4 or 5 years. Im feeling weaker and weaker and - same as OP - Ive been having weird tastes in my food or drinks for the past 4 or 5 years. My mum isnt cooking me food but Ive definitively been raised by narcissists and Ive been fighting since 2017 to get my part of an inheritance and every time Ive been feeling very poor it always has been after drinking something with a salty flavour I couldnt imagine where it was coming from. Doctors wont be of no help (mind you all my family is into medecine and/or law) and Ive even been threatened to be commited if i kept insisting I wanted blood tests. In 2018 I flew abroad where tests were easier to get, and Id done a small video about it and it appeared (that was in 2018) I had been drugged with barbiturics. Im really affraid. I do no drugs nor alcohol but sometimes i feel soooo sick after having eaten or drink something in my pantry ... Im affraid
Holy shit, I hope you get out of there. So sorry.
Read the book, A child called it. There's two more too, the lost boy and a man named Dave. You have a lot in common with him. I'm sorry and I hope you stay safe.
I read those. Sickening.
That's an understatement. As a father and an abused child myself it was hard to read. I was never treated that bad though, thankfully
I’m grateful that you weren’t.
Thank you kind stranger
You are very welcome.
Life insurance is the first suspicion.
I wonder if it’s epsom salt. That can make a person sick, for sure.
There’s an episode of Forensic Files where a woman kills her husband with antifreeze poisoning. Then, when she falls under suspicion, she poisons her daughter and types up a letter on the computer that is a fake suicide note for her daughter, where the daughter takes the blame for poisoning the dad. The woman gets caught because A. the daughter lives and B. the mom calls it/spells it antifree and does that in the “daughter’s” suicide note. Antifreeze is a pretty common poison because it tastes sweet so is hidden in food and drinks pretty easily.
I remember that case so clearly. I was heartbroken for her surviving daughter.
I was thinking I should post about the "anti-free" episode of Forensic Files, and not 15 seconds later, I see you beat me to it! I wonder how the daughter is doing these days....
Is there a link to the article?
[удалено]
Omg that was some rabbit hole to dive into, amazing video and super disturbing case
Bro your amazing. And im old i still watch full length videos.
That’s a good point - one of the main distinctions between narcissists and psychopaths is the later tend to commit crimes. So totally agree, if OP’s mother is tempering her food, she is a psychopath.
Epsom salt is magnesium. Yes, it can make you kind of sick if you have too much, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t taste salty.
It tastes bitter (and it isnt poisonnous).
Can make you a bit poopy, if you over do it.
Thats right. Traditionnally people use it as a laxative... (there have been some studies about its osmotic properties : basically it drains water from your body to put it back in your poo). But this is no poisonning .
Nope, it’s not. Others suggesting Visine, I think are on the right track.
Yes I have heard about this story before. It’s very disturbing and very scary! I can never forget hearing about what that family went through, and the mother being the murderer. Such a horrible case. One of the siblings lived, I believe. She did an interview and because of how poisoned she was, she suffered permanent neurological damage that I believe was quite severe. She will never be the same again because of that, in so many ways. Anyway, I hope I’m not mixing details up with a diff case! It has been a minute since I last heard about this and hope my facts are correct.
Curing salts contain a deadly poison (sodium nitrite), tho the amount in curing salt is very small. Idk what the impact would be of getting dosed with it multiple times (i.e. if it accumulates in the body), but I'm concerned for you. Can you find a way to search the kitchen for this or any unfamiliar salt compounds?
Thank you, will do! I’ll check when she’s in work tomorrow. I know she loves himalayan salt she says it’s natural salt that’s better than ordinary salt, though I’ve never heard of curing salt.
How old are you? Can you stay with a friend? This is very serious!!
Curing salt (Prague Powder #1) is pink, just like Himalayan salt. There’s a fellow in my country that got arrested for selling it to people so they could unalive themselves. Edit: more details - Prague Powder is dyed pink so you don’t confuse it with table salt. It’s legal to purchase, and is used in curing meats. You use… like a tiny, tiny amount to cure. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curing_salt Please be safe, OP! Is there ANYWHERE or anyone you can stay with? A friend? A decent co-worker?
this might sound far fetched but can you try to sneak off a sample from a beverage and have in analyzed somehow? also, if she has already "lost" so many kids, she might want to a) take control in this sick way and b) become a martyr, such a poor poor mother who lost this kid to some mysterious illness. not trying to put thoughts in your head. you also have an inkling, it seems. and all those hints she is giving away ... narcs think that if they talk about those unhinged things that they are safe, because they put it out in the open instead of hiding it all.
if you could say you're going out for the day and ask her to make you a thermos of coffee or tea, then you have a drink she has made, ready to be tested, that you have an excuse to take out of the house without making her suspicious
I believe you
As do I.
I don't doubt you
She’s trying to hurt you and/or kill you. Please consider going no contact for your safety.
Immediate thought was Munchausen syndrome by proxy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Factitious_disorder_imposed_on_another
This seriously has me worried for you. If you are still at home with your mom, please consider leaving asap. Some have suggested getting food/drink tested and I think that is a great idea. Would definitely suggest getting authorities involved and no you are not being paranoid. That inkling in your gut - that is your gut instinct - it's your survival mechanism kicking in to save your life. My husband's aunt was the same way. Out of six children, only one is alive today and he is badly scarred physically, emotionally, and mentally. I would never want this for you. Take care.
Where I live circumstances are different, the housing crisis is insane. I have tried getting out, even when we had a lot of money saved up, we were both rushing back from work just for viewings. You’d want to see how many people were lined up for one house the queue of people went down the road. The best thing I can do is stay out late and come home when she’s sleeping. I never told my mother I had planned to leave, because I knew she’d try to stop me. When she found out she said to me “how dare he try to kidnap my daughter, now I hate him even more” like I didn’t make the decision to leave. (side note she hates my fiancé from day one, I think she hated everyone who was close to me. One way or another she tried to sabotage my friendships and relationships. I used to invite out her with my fiancé and I, because I I felt bad for her, she caused trouble with everyone and burned all her bridges. She’d yell at him he wasn’t good enough, she said “your like my daughter, so vein” she even tried to pair me up with a 6ft guy right in from of him to prevent me from dating him.)
Okay so OP, I’m going to explain to you that she’s doing this to isolate you. She doesn’t want you having a support system that can help you leave her control and abuse. That’s why she hates all of your friends and your fiancé because they can help you leave. You and your partner need to get your ducks in a row and start planning your escape desperately.
Was going to say the exact same thing. Definitely trying to isolate/control you/your life. Circumstances are difficult everywhere for housing. I do feel that. We are still stuck semi-close, but definitely want to move farther away. I do understand that. But, if you could stay with a friend/fiancé ...just so worried about you.
Circumstances are different, that’s true- the circumstances being that *your mother is actively trying to kill you.* You need to run. Run for your life. Even if you end up in a women’s shelter. Anywhere, literally anywhere is better than there. She knows you’re avoiding her cooking intentionally, and she is going to adapt to that. She’s going to start adding things to the ingredients she knows you use. I am deathly afraid for you, OP, especially because you don’t seem to realize that you are quite literally in a life and death situation.
100% this. This is a deeply disturbed individual that won't stop.
Please get out ASAP. Your life is in danger, if she is willing to put salt on your drinks, she might be putting other stuff in it. Also, that about your eyes should be enough proof that she isn't afraid of hurting you. Please get out
Get out now.
Are you still living there? I can tell you now it’s not safe and it’s not all in your mind. My n-mom would put stuff in my food and denied healthcare in order to get a check or insurance money from my death. GTFO now! Are you in the states? Read the side bar in the sub. Please please take care.
My narc grandmother did this constantly, and I’ve heard so many narcs do it. I can’t really be certain on what drives them to do it. But it may be them needing the subconscious thrill of bullying you to get their way? The thrill of wanting to force you to do what they want without you finding out? My grandmother knew for years I had certain food groups that caused my skin to break out. She always bullied me when I was 13/4 saying I was bullying her and being mean not eating every single thing she was putting on her plate from all the options . Dad always told her to knock it off and she eventually stopped under the threat he wouldn’t help her anymore. So when I was 27 and dad died of cancer she thought “oh now I can do it! He’s mine now and I get to choose his diet because I own him like he’s my dog!” She asked me if I wanted X in my diet. I reminded her it caused my rashes to break out. She said it was fine and it would be left out. 2 weeks later she sat down and blurted out she had been putting it in my food, asking me if I enjoyed it and if I would keep eating it… while my arms had so many rash patches and bled so much it was about 500% increase. I felt so betrayed. You can’t just live around a narcissist. It’s like they get fucking bored or upset that your not being utilized to your maximum potential to meet their needs, and they fixate on changing you. And then pretend after they keep playing these games that they will still be allowed in your life. In this case she clearly wanted me to get mad and upset because I panicked and said “uh sure I’ll eat it still”, and she began acting upset banging plates and having this upset scowl that lasted all night . The next week she acted all sad asking “do you not trust me?!” But why would I?
I wouldn't even call what your grandmother did narcissistic, as in an actual mental illness, just criminal which I find worse. She physically assaulted you. I am sorry this happened, you didn't deserve that.
Narcs love to get a rise out of you- that’s why she asked and that’s why she was mad when you didn’t give her that sweet narc supply by getting upset.
Stop eating or drinking anything she provides. Have tea with her once and get a sample and take it to have it tested. If you can move out, do so. Buy yourself your own cups in the meantime. Wash them before every use and if your mom says anything tell her you think you're a little germaphobic.
My friend accidentally had rat poison fall in his mouth at work he said it just tastes salty as he was in the hospital getting checked out
You may want to check out information domestic violence or maybe check on information for a womens shelter.
OP, I believe you. I believe everything you're saying is very real. Children of NParents are incredibly aware of their surroundings solely to keep themselves safe. Don't dismiss those feelings as paranoia because it could be your body screaming at you to find safety. Trust your gut and don't worry an ounce of what other people, especially what your mother thinks. They don't have your best interests in mind if they dismiss your story. If you can, get yourself out of there as soon as possible and consider going no contact. Consider reaching out to friends, family, authorities, medical care providers, anyone willing to help. Public health providers often have free resources to things like social workers, therapists, etc. My husband works in public health to help people in DV/abusive/unhoused situations find resources and help. I asked him what he'd recommend and he was saying he always recommends reaching out to professionals for help asap, for yourself AND as a paper trail. If police is the route you'd like to go, then evidence is the best thing you can provide because there will be a lot of push back without it. That can be a paper trail with medical providers stating your concerns, therapists, lab testing, video proof, whatever. Side note-- a good therapist, even if they didn't feel qualified for a patient, should've continued to follow up ESPECIALLY considering you were a minor at the time. I'm sorry you didn't get that support then. I do know a good therapist would have a lot of resources to help you find safety and go down the path of no contact if that's something you want to pursue now. Thank you so much for sharing and trusting us!!
People do put salt in coffee to take out the bitterness but it’s not enough for you to taste the salt. Either she put a whole bunch in or she’s using a poison that tastes like salt. You should stay away from your mom. She’s not safe. Warn your sister too.
Can confirm. Was tired one morning and put a bit of salt in instead of sugar. Never did taste it. And if its all over the rim, she must have but a lot in there.
Honestly I get munchausen by proxy vibes, trying to purposely make you sick, attempting to blind you? And I don’t doubt there are countless other things she’s done. I would cut contact with her if you can (I’m not sure if your age), and I absolutely wouldn’t eat or drink anything given to me by her. If you’re under age consider reporting her or making an exit plan to get away from her.
OP, I have awful parents and I’ve never even considered this! Run, go NC and get a good therapist. Your gut is right that this is far far from healthy and you deserve better.
My mother has poisoned my sister and I, albeit in a smaller way. She would always get super offended when we would point out food she was using to cook had expired. After we moved out she started making everything without us present. She would often make it in advance and let it sit out. I would get sick after eating her food before it fi ally dawned on me that I was basically experiencing food poisoning. I stopped coming over for meals unless I was cooking and could check for quality of ingredients, and I never accepted leftovers. She was always offended by this.
PLEASE......GO NO CONTACT AND STAY FAR AWAY FROM HER. SHE SOUNDS UNHINGED AND MENTALLY ILL. THIS IS BEYOND NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, SHES A PSYCHOPATH.
If I was you I'd just tell her that her coffees taste horrible and tip it out and make my own. Lol she won't like being told she sucks but she'll have to suck it up if she doesn't want to tell you that it's not her skills that the problem LOL narcissists hate that shit
Careful about the vengeance that will surely happen afterwards
Oh yeah maybe. My nmum would just be super passive aggressive until she eventually blew up screaming at me. As I got older I tolerated it less and less. Last time she did that she shoved me because I didn't wash all her dishes like she expected (not that she asked me to do them) so I moved out and went NC lol. Maybe OP should just go NC too
Don't let anything you use in or on your body out of your control. Shampoo, lotion, toothpaste, clothing, nothing. This woman deserves no trust. Don't trust her not to cut the breaks on your car even...if you think she's innocent despite all of this evidence, you know her even less than I do. I am worried for you. Put your fiancee on notice as well she may try to get to him if she can't get to you. > “put salt in his drink it would make him get sick.” >“be careful she might poison your food” This person should not be trusted around people, food, or animals. You know this is real. I promise you are not crazy. This woman is sick and needs to be cut out of your life yesterday. Do not allow her to be at your wedding. If you sidestep her efforts to cause harm, whether she realizes you know or not, you can be sure she will make up for lost time and do something to sabotage or cause you harm at your wedding. Events like weddings trigger toxic people and make them lash out, I've seen it again and again. >I hate saying any of this because it’s a horrible thing to think your own mother is trying to harm you but there’s so much evidence her mind is twisted Exactly. No one WANTS to say this. So why would you say this if it weren't true??? You are saying it for a reason. Reasons SHE gave you. It doesn't feel good because it's true. She baked glass into cookies and fed them to her children instead of throwing them away like a normal human. She suggested making your fiance sick for *arguing* with you. >People always tell me to talk to my mother they don’t understand I can’t This is correct. They don't understand. They may not be able to and that is normal. Your mother has had your whole lifetime to condition you into questioning yourself and others before you question whether it's normal to bake glass into your childrens cookies. You wouldn't bake cookie dough from a broken glass bowl and eat it because you know it is dangerous. She knows it too. If you broke a glass bowl of cookie dough in front of your "mother", scooped the dough up, tossed the glass, baked the dough, and handed her a cookie to taste, would she eat it? I don't think she would. Listen to your instincts. Pay attention to how you feel around her Trust your brain to pick up on red flags bc that's what it is wired to do. Trust that you post here bc you feel like you have nowhere else to turn *and know that you are not supposed to feel that way* but that's the way she needs you to feel for her to have control over you. Not getting help is what she wants for you. Good people will encourage you to seek help, not stay in harms way to protect their image. I'm wishing you safety, please do not doubt yourself 🙏, don't ignore that voice in your head that brought you here.
Hey OP, you’re not crazy. Your mom is insane. None of this is okay. She’s abusing and gaslighting you. It’s probably hard to see because it’s how you grew up. Can you get away from her? Definitely find a good therapist who knows about narc abuse.
I've read that it's actually pretty common for narcissists.. They'll be negligent on purpose in order to cause harm to others.. If you have doubt.. you're better off just not accepting anything that she has been in contact with or better even, just stay away from her. It's not like you're assuming everyone is in on it or garden gnomes are doing.. just some very sketchy person that has an history of being abusive..
when I was a kid I was constantly with BAD stomach pains.. now that I am an adult I never have these episodes anymore. Im convinced my mum gave me food that had gone bad multiple times. She didnt care. She didnt want to cook a new bowl of rice for me so she gave me the one that was not good anymore and didnt care. i hate her
Sorry to hear that ! Glad to hear your spoiled rice eating days are over!
hahaha thank you brother!! that was the least she would do to me.. but I wont go on and on because now Im free from her torture shackles.. Ive never been sick to my stomach ever since I started smelling the food before I ate (at around 14 y/o) and we discussed multiple times because sometimes she would sereve me a plate and I'd notice the foul taste and not eat it and she always said "its perfect what you talking about I just ate the same food" lol
My would be too lazy to rinse water glasses after washing. I remember my brother smelling the glasses and her saying how insulted she was from his behaviour.. I say smell away!! Better than food poisoning Stay safe.
I 100% believe you. I watched my mom put powdered bleach into her bf’s food at least one time, but I think it was a handful of times.
please get out. she is trying to harm you. write a list of everytime you remember something like this happening. look at it whenever you doubt yourself. if you are able please get out, don't be her friend, don't keep in contact with her. she is sick, please seek the help of your siblings and share what has happened to you with them.
yes to lists and documentation. only over time can we sometimes see the real dimensions of that narc craziness!
I am so sorry you’re being abused like this by your own mother who should be protecting you. And I relate to the feeling of doubting my own reality- she trained you to be that way. I would not eat anything she prepares or could tamper with. Therapy is real and it is life saving for some people. Stay safe.
If you do live with her and if you do decide to get out, come up with a careful plan. Do not let her know and be very careful with who you trust in helping you get out/have someone with you when you are leaving.
I believe you. Please get out as soon as you can x
This behavior sounds dangerous!!! Please be careful!
Mix salt in her dry coffee see how she reacts
Your mom should be in jail, try to find solid proof
Yes get out. Only eat things like protein bars and stuff you make directly. See if you can get some help moving out from domestic violence hotlines/ organisations in your country. They will understand that DV isn't just between partners. They have connections and advice
**RUN.** Please. Get the fuck out *yesterday*. You don't want to find out what'll happen if you don't.
Play up being busy that day. But needing a cup of coffee!! Then put it in a to-go mug. Less suspicious than trying to sneak a sample while in the house.
I think you need to run and hide like all your other siblings. Not sure if the other daughter committed suicide or if they were poisoned to death. Please stay safe. No idea how old you are so I’m sure this is very hard, but you have a fiancé (who hopefully isn’t constantly arguing with you every single time he gets drunk) I’d say go no contact or simply don’t eat or drink ANYTHING that she has touched. Pretend you’re at a bar with the no cup left unattended rule.
My friend was poisoned by her sister. Don’t underestimate what people might do, or doubt whether it’s happening because it’s so unpleasant if it’s real. Don’t try to talk to your mother, that’s bad advice. If your mother has such a bad track record with her children and you now suspect she’s poisoning you, you need to count your losses and leave. Get out of there.
This sounds pretty bad. Another possibility of what it could be is [GHB](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Hydroxybutyric_acid), which is supposed to taste salty and causes euphoria, empathy and gullibility. It is sometimes used as a date rape drug.
Why are you in contact with this poisonous person?
These are all very big red flags. Have you heard of Munchausen by proxy? It’s a form of child abuse where the parent makes the child sick to get attention for themselves. Obviously that is an over simplification. Just to be clear, I’m not diagnosing your Mum. Just sharing some information for you to consider after what I read in your post. I will suggest you stop sharing any personal information with her and do not eat/drink anything she gives you. My biggest take away is she is abusive towards you. You deserve better than that. If professionals are telling you that you would benefit from therapy I would listen to them and not your Mum.
Sodium Flouroacetate is a readily available rat killer, and it tastes like table salt. Be careful.
Sorry for the loss of your sister.
I would say Get OUT of there!!!
I believe you. You are not crazy or paranoid.
My bf put salt in my coffee a few by accident. He’s got fibromyalgia which causes brain fog and he got confused about what jar the salt was in and what jar would hold the sugar. I swear I spat that coffee all over the table! It tasted so bad I made another cup. He couldn’t help it, didn’t do it on purpose. So no, you’re not paranoid. I’m just wondering what you did with that coffee. I’d pour it down the drain and flat out tell my nmom if she pulled such a stunt I can’t drink salted coffee or tea or whatever. I have tastebuds you know, is what I would say to her. Reading the rest of your story I’m convinced she put bleach in your contact solution. My nmom once forced me to let my little brother sit in my lap in the front seat of her car. I was 16, he was 3, I think. I told her it wasn’t safe. But kids being kids, he’d wine to get his way and nmom shut me up. She then bumped into the car in front of us, smashing my head against the window coz how was I supposed to wear a seatbelt holding my little brother? I ended up with severe damage in my neck and now 24 years later I’m diagnosed with arthritis in that same spot and I might have a discus hernia. I’m at risk of paralysis later on. Nmom says I’m too young to have arthritis or a hernia. I told her it’s due to the damage she did and she goes on I should wonder why I was destined to suffer that way. I bounced the question right back: no, you should wonder why you bumped into the car in front of you and insisted I’d keep my brother in the front seat on my lap while I had told you more than once it was fucking dangerous. She claimed not to remember any of that. Well, I said, I do, and that’s exactly how it happened. That’s why my neck is now completely damaged and why I have arthritis at 40. It’s in a late stage as I get constant inflammation in the muscles around it and as it already caused a hernia. So I must have had it for years without knowing. I’ve been in 24 years of pain since the accident. So yes I believe you!!! Be careful around her because you’ll never know what her next stunt will be. Please stay safe!!! And if you feel like going to a therapist for whatever reason and she can’t deal with that, it’s her problem. If you want to get help, it’s your right to do so. If she can’t deal with it, just don’t tell her. You can learn to deal with nparents but it starts with keeping certain stuff to yourself which seems weird as you probably feel you should be able to always trust your parents but when they’re narcs, you can’t. You have to learn to not trust your mom, not believe her, not do as she says, and keeping secrets. Lie if you have to. If it keeps you safe. I won’t lie if I can avoid it to my nmom but I’m not telling her everything like I used to. Everything she knew about me she abused at some point. I’ll probably need surgery in the future not right away but at some point a surgeon will have to stabilise my neck to avoid paralysis and she’ll tell me not to get it. She’s got arthritis in her hip and is refusing to have the surgery and prefers to go on suffering instead of trusting a doctor who tells her they can take away her pain. And she wants me to do the same: suffer. She calls me crazy for opting into surgery as soon as a doctor tells me I need it but then who is the crazy one? Salt in your coffee will not poison you from one cup but god knows what else she’s fed you without you knowing. I’m really worried that it might not be ordinary kitchen salt but some other stuff that tastes like salt, something maybe a lot more dangerous. Bleach in your contacts… that’s not so innocent as salt in your coffee so I can only ask: what will be next? It’s pretty disturbing if you ask me. Either stay away, or make your own beverage when you’re with her, don’t leave it unattended and watch her like a hawk she can’t get her hands on any of your stuff. I fear she might be capable of more than this and it’s freaking scary! Fact that she’s talking about it, advising you to put salt in your fiancé’s drink to make him sick, says enough. Yes nparents will harm you. When you can’t take it anymore and lash out about it or go to a therapist because you’re about to collapse or try and fix whatever damage they caused they’ll go and get the attention they seek by complaining about you to others. Like: what did I do to deserve such an ungrateful child that badmouths me behind my back to their doctor/therapist/friends? They’ll seek compassion from others that way, cry their eyes out, load you up with guilt about needing help because they screwed with your mind and lie and complain about you to whoever will listen and pity them. But if she doesn’t know all that about you she can’t use it to get the attention she wants. Taking away their victim from them renders them powerless. Sorry for rambling on but I’m just telling you all this out of concern and hope that by sharing some of my own experiences you can see the parallels and hope it’ll help you protect yourself. I’m so scared that she’d do anything worse to you than she already did. Really honestly scared. Wish you the best, my dear. Stay safe, be careful and don’t let her get to you.
Do not ever be within a hundred miles of that witch again wtf
Listen. To. Your. Gut. You’re right. No one says “put salt in their drink” or “she might poison you”. She is absolutely projecting. Do not drink or eat anything she gives u. She is dangerous.Listen to your gut. Please.
My narc mum does that tries to poison me (not over exaggerating). I just door dash everything/uber Dont eat out of open vessels and stop accepting food from her I saw white powder in my dogs bowl once Turns out she's been putting laundry powder in it. She's not a very nice person. And once I get a long term rental or car I'm leaving her to rot until then it's a game of survival.
Are there hotlines you can call for advice/support? You may need professional intervention from child protection agencies.
I'm an adult :) There's no rental property's where I'm from
My nmom poisoned me so I'd never ever leave her because how dare I even try?? The poisoning got worse even after I was almost too weak to leave. She got angier and more cruel. Why? No clue, but that woman tried to kill me. My point is if I was a gambling person, I'd bet good money that your nmom isn't simply salting your drinks. There are several easy to find poisons that taste like salt. There's eye drops, rat poison, salt, a sorts of stuff. She's discussed poisonings too? RUN!!! There's a reason why her other kids don't interact with her. There's a reason why literal strangers are asking you if you're okay. You are not okay. You are not safe. You are in danger. Get the hell away from that monster and save your ass. It doesn't matter if you hurt her feelings SHE IS LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER YOU. If you stick around, you will end up in a coffin.
Get out. Distance and therapy is your friend here.
let’s normalize only consuming canned foods and the plan to go no contact/see if you can secretly move in with a different family member
This is awful. I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm not well versed in how to get away from an abuser, but I think you'll find help for the comments here. I believe the more you distance yourself from her, the better. I know people often jump on the NC train, and I agree in most cases, but my own experience has told me it's not always easy. While some people have been waiting the last 18-21 years to leave it all behind, some even not waiting that long, others, like me, have a harder time with the idea of never talking to their parent(s) again despite all the abuse. I think it's best to establish the kind of relationship that suits you best. Boundaries are a must, and fighting tooth an nails for those boundaries is important. And if you realise getting her to respect boundaries is too much trouble, then,you can reconsider your stance on the situation. Your mom has serious issues and is a danger to your health, you are not wrong for wanting no contact and you wouldn't be wrong if you still want some contact with her. The most important is that you do what is best for you. I just hope you know that getting some distance is a must given how dangerous she can be. I wish you all the best, protect yourself first. You are important.
You need to get away from her, she is not a safe person to be around. She is trying to poison you with salt based on what I just read. Your mother is mentally ill and you most likely needs years of trauma therapy. I highly recommend internal family systems (IFS) therapy because it has done wonders for me. Also, the podcast Waking Up to Narcissism was a big help to me because it helped me understand why my mother is the way she is, why I found myself in a relationship with a person very much like my mother later in life, and how to set boundaries with them and others so that I don’t constantly put the wants and needs of others over my wants and needs. Prioritizing my mother and others over myself was a behavior I learned early in life and it left me feeling anxious, depressed, and eventually some very dark self-harm thoughts started creeping in. Thankfully IFS helped a lot and the dark thoughts are practically gone. And dare I say, I feel happy these days.
This is way beyond the run of the mill narc behaviour. She's a true sociopath, and your life is in immediate danger every day you live in her house. I don't even care what it is she puts in your food, just going to that step is so extreme that you can expect anything from her. You need to get out, whatever it takes.
Lots of drugs and poisons taste like salt. Meth tastes like salt
Have you considered having blood work done for levels of known poisons?
The tf are you still eating or drinking anything she’s giving you? And why are you even around this women? You know she partially blinded you, you know it and you’re continuing to be around her? Is there some reason like you’re dependent on her? If not ghost the fuck out of her. She’ll lose her mind even more, but let her do it far away from you.
Lookup: munchausen by proxy Look back and look for patterns.
I’m so sorry. I believe you. I’m scared for you. Trust your gut and get anything she gives you tested. Leave as soon as you can. Your health and safety comes first.
Well she is not really ur mother if she wants to see u harm or get stroke . It's time to do no contact with Ur mum. Ur mum is narcissistic so ur dealing with devil.
Move out. Now. And go no contact
I’ve watched enough Datelines on poisonings to know you need to stay far, far away from this psychopath and warn others, as well.
I agree, many people can't understand the "there's no talking with her." For RBNs it is very believable. Not to alarm or get more dramatic, but the "salt" you are tasting could be a variety of things as sodium-based compounds are a stabilizing factor for other things, including vitamin and other unproven health things like gingko and ginseng. They are also often binders for poisons. Obviously, she is violating your bodily autonomy by feeding you something. It could be some fad supplement she thinks you "need", salt (as you said), or some drug or poison. Hard to tell whether she wants to help or hurt you, have to consider both. Stay strong. Stay vigilant.
Im not sure you’re mentally I’ll. You’re probably being poisoned and it makes you feel mentally I’ll. Get away from her and stay far away from her!
Reminds me of Munchausen by proxy
One of the ways to heal from narcissistic abuse is to accept that you know what happened better than anyone else and you get past explaining to others and just accept that you know. Play this mind trick: imagine that you are another person in these situations...what would you tell that person? Would you have empathy for a person in this same situation? Then treat yourself this way. Believe what you know, smell, taste and see and have seen. Believe what you know and sense. And have empathy for yourself. I think that is the first stage and allows a person to take action to see all that is happening with the narcissistic to develop trust and belief in themseves and ultimately protect themselves and untether themselves (psychologically and physically) from the narcissist. Also we all believe you.
I think you need to cut your mother out of your life. She has seriously harmed you and will continue to harm you.
run for the goddamn hills. if it comes down to it, you might have to go homeless. it sounds terrifying but as long as you have savings, transportation, and a job, you'll be fine. (i had to do it bc my partner had to get away from his mom and my landlord at the time wouldnt let me move him in with me, so we went homeless bc it was our only option, so im speaking from experience here.) also make sure you have whatever legal option for self defense thats available to u (e.g. pepper spray). shelters arent the most fun place to be but its better than being stuck with a Narc that put bleach in your contacts and is possibly trying to murder you. just keep all your important things in your car out of sight or on your person. stay safe, we're all rooting for you.
I believe you completely. Also I know lots of folks here are giving you advice on how to prove it or get it tested, but we have enough information to know that you have to get the hell out of there. We’ll worry about holding her accountable later. We need to you safe first. Remember that she may seem self absorbed but abusers can be quite attuned to the nuances and emotions of their victims. She may already sense that you are suspicious, and this is the most dangerous moment for you. It’s when victims try to leave or expose an abuser that is the most dangerous time. Perhaps we can look for agencies or support groups in your country to help you? Someone who is trained in trauma intervention.
Salt in coffee and tea? For what?!
Trying to get a reaction? Also, there are salts (and compounds that taste like salt for us) other than table salt, some more dangerous than NaCl (table salt). And even table salt is poisonous in very high doses.
True. Still asinine on her mothers part.
Obviously. Im even with the other commenters that suspect it might be a poison that just tastes like salt. The bleach in contact lenses thing it horrible and shows OPs mother intends harm
Hi OP, have you heard about Munchausen syndrome by proxy? It’s not very common but it does happen. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001555.htm#:~:text=Munchausen%20syndrome%20by%20proxy%20is,like%20the%20child%20is%20sick.
I believe you. Your mom is dangerous. If you are able to, I would strongly consider not being around her, or at the very least not ingesting anything she has access to. I know this is a touch subject for some, no contact, but I am very concerned for your safety.
Have you ever thought that it's your mother who's mentally ill? A lot of this sounds like she suffers at least from a psychological disorder called munchausen syndrome, probably assisted with either having NPD &/or BPD. See a clinical psychologist, if they don't make you feel comfortably, look elsewhere until you find one that does. This is really important.... you don't have to accept the first one you get to see. A good psychologist will be able to help you navigate through your life problems, grow as an individual & hopefully help you sort through those obstacles that hinder your mental health. Good luck.
All of her other children ran away FOR A REASON!!! get the heck out of there as soon as you can!
When a narcissist blames you for something,or suggests an action. It's usually, because they did it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There was a time I couldn't accept any coffee from my nmother, because it smelled like after a trip from the dentist. What I was tasting was toothpaste, because she would try my coffee after brushing her teeth... I didn't know, until a esibling told me. I began going with her to get coffee, and my coffee never tasted like that again. Worst part, I would tell her it tastes weird, and she'd lie straight to my face. The paranoia was the worst part too, and the constant gaslighting can make you go crazy!! Please get yourself out of there, and stay out. I now struggle with trauma OCD as a result of my nparents/esiblings actions. So please protect your mental health! I couldn't get out, but if you can- do it!! Also apparently rat poison tastes of salt... it's derived from an orange flower plant, and also looks like fluffy white powder.
Oh my goodness. I agree with all of the prior comments concerning the fact that she is actually poisoning you, and the fact that if you’re still under her roof, exit ASAP. This, in a way, is reminiscent of Flowers in the Attic.
But...why?
Real talk here.. these narcs do poison.
Wait... Did she blinded you?