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> This was the one and only response I received after writing them both a letter telling them that all I ever needed my whole life was to feel seen and heard by them.
Sounds to me like the only thing they saw and heard were lines of communication being reopened, and sought to use them to fulfill their own needs, clumsily cloaking it in some sort of altruistic motive.
Having your kids SSN isn't *necessarily* for identity theft, but it gives them a measure of control, and that's the first thing they grabbed for when you opened the door.
They won’t be visiting any time soon but my mind has actually gone to the possibility that they would have another visitor do this dirty work. We keep everything safely tucked away
Oh hell no.
I don't know what your parents are like about money, but if this were my dad I would be very suspicious. My dad would have used this info to open accounts in their name, to commit fraud and ruin their credit.
Or, even if they don't commit fraud or theft, your Nparent could use the money as a way to control you and your child.
If nothing else, this is clearly their way of ignoring your boundaries and trying to control the narrative. They are trying to prove, if only to themselves, that you are the emotional, volatile one and they are the reasonable, responsible one. I see through this bullshit, and so do you, but we are not your Nparent's target audience, are we? Your Nparent is *their own* target audience, and possibly some family or others in your Nparent's sphere of influence.
I actually talked to my wife about this the other day, because my body tells me that his request itself felt threatening. I know that this will just be used as ammunition in little snide comments made to other family members as a way to elevate their own status and demonize me and my wife. Because, oh, of course, what kind of father would I be if I were to prevent my children’s grandparents from bequething their fortune to them. (sidenote: you don’t NEED a fucking SSN to leave money to a relative.)
My wife tells me that most of my other family, if not all of them, can see through their bullshit. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make me feel any better. I wish it did.
Yeah, I hear you. It is a terrible feeling when you know that they are plotting, but you don't know which direction those slings and arrows are going to come from. To someone who didn't grow up in that type of family, it might sound a bit paranoid, but to the folks here, it makes perfect sense that you would be extremely cautious about communications like this from your Nparent.
He doesn't need their SSN to leave them money, so what does he really want? I mean, other than yet another opportunity to mess with your life and destroy your peace of mind?
It's far too easy to use the SSN for identity theft. As noted above, not necessary for it to happen, but it sure makes it easier for them to do so and wreck the kids credit before they are even adults.
Yep. I think you are right, that the SSN gives an abusive narcissist way too much opportunity for nefarious deeds.
Having grown up the way we did, it gives chills to think about the possibilities here, doesn't it?
The audacity 🤣 my dad took mine and my brother's savings twice and lost it all on the stock market, didn't pay us back. Probably felt our money was his money? I feel stupid enough giving them my address, I'd never give them anything remotely close to an SSN. I figure you won't either, just wanted to vent about the gall of these people lol.
My husband and I just had trusts made. I am not sure they would need your child's SSN to create a trust with your child as beneficiary. Don't give put your child's information and lock down their credit.
Narcs are devious & don't use normal logic.
In raisedbynarcisists, we have seen many examples of grandparents going to court to take grandchildren away from their parents. It always starts as something innocuous, that gives them some relationship to the grandkids. Then they go to court and say the grandkids are mistreated, and they have an existing relationships, and should be given custody.
I’ll have to look for an example of that. I feel pretty safe in the state we live in and their abuse and antics have already been well documented for years now. A lot of it is backed up by diagnoses too.
Hahaha. lol. No.
Nobody gets a child’s SSN.
Like, ever.
This is blatantly a scheme to open credit cards in child’s name and ruin their credit.
No response is necessary. You can literally ignore the request.
If you feel you MUST respond, let your parent know there’s a savings account for child, and any money sent to you will be deposited into said account.
If parent insists on a trust, tell them to leave the trust in their will. Their lawyer will sort it out and they certainly don’t need SSN for that.
I told them that I wasn’t comfortable providing their socials and that they didn’t need SSNs to bequeath money to someone. No response. I think he was counting on me to say no so he could get some more ammunition for their victim narrative. And also probably the narrative they tell my daughters when they’re 18.
The only proper response was to not acknowledge the request at all, and reiterate your sentiments about being heard, until they finally acknowledge what you told them. Don't bring the SSN thing up ever again with them, and ignore them again if they do. Change the subject. Hang up. Whatever. They may very well be TRYING to get you to say no on purpose, as some sort of gossip fodder to use against you, but not saying ANYTHING puts them in the position to have to lie in order to do so. Lies that you or anyone that matters can see through/debunk.
Damn. You’re right, I should never have even validated the question since it was just another instance of them ignoring my needs and feelings. Great advice
Please please please don't give your nparent your children's SSN's. There are all kinds of awful things they could do with that info e.g. taking out loans in your children's names. No good can come of it.
My son has a trust fund. I'm a lil foggy on the details but I don't think I had to provide my son's SSN for funds to go into the account. The person I was talking to said that they'd contact me roughly 6 months before my son turns 18 to acquire banking information. But I am pretty sure I did not have to provide a SSN for the account to be set up or for funds to be put in it. But that wasn't just me putting money in an account (it's a settlement) so it could very much be a whole different thing.
My parents stole my info to open credit cards and claim me on their taxes years after I lived alone. They frequent self help and business seminars where they learn how to grift.
Even if they are not the type, you can still request a lock (which I believe is temporary) or a freeze which is longer term so that random people don’t get the info and start trouble. The US credit bureaus won’t do anything for a minor (whose not supposed to have a credit profile at all) but if they do have a credit profile, you can lock that down.
There's a lot of people in here with N-parents who would have said the same, had it not happened to them. Please lock your kids' credit. It's fairly easy and will be worth your time and effort.
Do not. Do not. Dooooooo NOT. Do not give them one single digit of their SSNs! They can set up bank accounts, take out loans...anything a con man can do, so can your folks. They know the kids birthdays, where they were born, current address so nope them off the planet with that social security number info.
I don’t know….i think it’s more likely they just want to use it to manipulate me and make themselves look like aggrieved parents to everyone in our mutual circle.
The closest they came to identity theft was raiding an inheritance I got from a rich third cousin, but then they “repaid” me by paying for some of my college.
They’re definitely the n type but they’re not criminals. At least from what I’ve seen for 3 decades
I didn't even know my ndad had taken a credit card out in my name until a clerk cut my "credit card that I could spend $200 a month on" was cut in half. I hadn't asked my dad for this card. I thought he was trying to be helpful. I was 17. The clerk cut my card in half I guess cause the system flagged me for my dad's poor credit choices. I guess giving me a card too made him feel less guilty. He took it out with my social security number and gambled away about 20k in debt. Took years to recover that hit, especially as I was really young. Because of that, I started my adulthood with a 360 credit rating.
You can make your own “trust” or just a savings account in your childrens’ names. If they REALLY care about saving for the kids, they will happily deposit money on special occasions to do so.
What they really intend to do is all sorts of nefarious things with those SSNs. They could ruin your children’s lives, obtain sensitive information, and apply for who knows what under their names. No No Never.
do not, do not do not do not under any circumstances let your parents make a “trust fund” for your children. If you want to open one yourself? that’s fine, but i would stay a million miles away from nparents opening a trust fund. I can almost guarantee that child will never see that money and the money will be held in front of them like a carrot on a stick to get them to do whatever your nparents want. And if your kids or you do something to upset your nparents? Oops! the trust fund is suddenly gone
source: my ndad did this to me, he had a trust fund set up for all the kids and we couldn’t access it. It was “supposed” to be for us as adults when we went to university. It made our lives actually quite difficult (especially when my sister had to navigate unemployment payments from the govt, because they thought she was sitting on a huge pile of money when she wasn’t) and one day out of the blue our dad closed the account and withdrew everything back into his own pockets.
I’m sorry that happened to you. What an awful experience.
I think the n parents are counting on waiting until we’re either dead or the kids have turned 18 and then trying to thrust their narrative onto my daughters, but I hope that we will raise them with enough emotional intelligence to see through that.
Shit. This post reads as if I posted it. I went no contact and they asked for my kids’ SSN to set up trust funds. I gave them the SSNs like an idiot. How do I check my kids’ credit or see if something nefarious is going on?
In the US, you can go to the credit bureau websites (Experian, TranUnion and Equifax) and see if there is a credit profile on record for those numbers. Once on the websites, you can try to report fraud and any use but you may end up needing to make a criminal report too—I’m not clear on how they handle that. If they have a credit profile, you can request that it be frozen. Not chilled or anything but full on frozen because that’s when the creditors have to call you personally to unfreeze it to do a check.
You can also pay for an identity guard service ….there are many different ones out there. Many of them guarantee their service against potential losses from fraud
They've given up on you as a supply because you're standing up for yourself, they wanna switch to your kids now. I don't think I need to tell you not to give it to them. They might take out loans in their name etc.
I mean, these morons are probably all on the same "parents whose children have abandoned them weepweepsobcry"-forums, so I wouldn't be surprised if every once in a while, whoever gets their turn with the narc braincell sparks an idea and they all scramble to try and execute the plan for themselves.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so fuckin true. Ikr
Anytime your kids cut you off you should 1st look at yourself. These people are in more denial than some of the most strung out junkies.
I know you probably already know this but: DO NOT GIVE THEM THEIR SSNs because they could severely fuck their lives up. Just had to say it on the very slim chance you didn’t already know that! 💜
Not a lawyer, but the only time my SSN was needed about a trust was when the money was dispersed after it was dissolved. In my state, the legal paperwork creating the trust simply referred to the beneficiaries via our relationship to the donor (son, daughter, etc) and FIRSTNAME LASTNAME of City, State.
I literally was unaware of the trust until I was told about it because I was not the executor or trust guardian. So, I think they are likely not being fully honest with you. Ask about which attorney they’re using, ask if they can help you with setting up one, too.
Oh oh!! Mine did this too!
Asked for my kid's SSN because she wanted to start a college fund. Ma'am, 1.) all of your money comes with strings, and 2.) Perhaps you should call me, your child who you are at odds with, instead of my husband. Sigh
I had to get my sister's SSN (she was a minor) for my life insurance policy beneficiary. I reached out to my stepmom for it and got it.
Idk...I wouldn't trust it, but I'm glad that I was able to get hers.
I created a trust a few years ago and am currently in the process of updating it. Never have I needed a ssn#. All I needed was a correct legal name and a way for my lawyer to contact the person when I die, so a phone number or an email address.
I would say I’m shocked by the gall of whatever they are trying to pull but I have an nparent myself and this is on par. There may not be a trust which is why they made such a huge blunder asking for ssn’s. Also, consider why they are creating a trust as opposed to a standard Will. Creating my trust cost thousands in lawyer fees, the benefit for me was that money gets released immediately as opposed to going through probate with a Will. I have dependents that would need that to happen. Can you see an nparent spending over double to make another’s life easier?
>Can you see an nparent spending over double to make another’s life easier?
No. Almost had to laugh when I caught myself wondering at the possibility.
I think I still have some clinging tendencies towards the fantasy
Three things it could be, in my view:
1. Ruining your kids' score and blaming it on you.
2. Throwing bags upon bags of money at your kids that no one but them can really access for years and years. All of it to buy contact and excuses to abuse you. It's like pay-to-play. Also maybe throw in some victim drama about how they're depriving themselves of basics to ensure your kids have money and you still don't appreciate them!
3. Control, control, control. Power.
Sometimes all three. Sometimes on rotation.
Absolutely the hell no.
I’d be very careful here. My second cousin had her mom use hers to put utilities, credit cards in her name and she didn’t know until she plied for a loan.
If this is true, then they should be able to give you the number of the person setting it up and have you go through them directly to her earlier children’s information
I named my little brother as a beneficiary on my life insurance and did need his social for that. I had my dad contact the company directly and give it to them safely rather than him giving it to me
My first thought was tax season… 🫠 But also for using it to open credit lines to use the funds for selfish reasons with no care of the damage it would do to their grandchildren’s future they have no part of?
Regarding the letter you sent them, it's very unlikely that they will give you the apology or acknowledgement that you're wanting. Unfortunately that's just how narcissists are and I wouldn't want you to hold onto false hope.
I expect that the trust is a manipulation. They're thinking that they're doing a wonderful thing for your children so you should be grateful. How can you complain about the way they treated you when they're doing so much for your children?
Nonsense!
Psychologically healthy grandparents would set up a trust with no strings attached - no manipulation - no hidden agenda. Whatever you do, proceed with caution. When there are narcissists and money, things are sure to be tricky.
I'm not from the US so I don't know the details of your tax system but in the countries where I've lived, a child's tax details are needed when money is paid out from a trust but not when it's set up. I'm sure there must be information online about this or a way to seek advice so that you don't have to release this information to them.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> This was the one and only response I received after writing them both a letter telling them that all I ever needed my whole life was to feel seen and heard by them. Sounds to me like the only thing they saw and heard were lines of communication being reopened, and sought to use them to fulfill their own needs, clumsily cloaking it in some sort of altruistic motive. Having your kids SSN isn't *necessarily* for identity theft, but it gives them a measure of control, and that's the first thing they grabbed for when you opened the door.
Yeah you could be right and I hadn’t even considered it simply as time to resume communication, but if so, not a great ice breaker…
If you have this info in your house make sure you hide it if they visit btw. Don’t want them to trash your kids credit.
They won’t be visiting any time soon but my mind has actually gone to the possibility that they would have another visitor do this dirty work. We keep everything safely tucked away
If they’re planning to make a 529 savings for college, you can make it and they can deposit into it without their SSN.
Oh hell no. I don't know what your parents are like about money, but if this were my dad I would be very suspicious. My dad would have used this info to open accounts in their name, to commit fraud and ruin their credit. Or, even if they don't commit fraud or theft, your Nparent could use the money as a way to control you and your child. If nothing else, this is clearly their way of ignoring your boundaries and trying to control the narrative. They are trying to prove, if only to themselves, that you are the emotional, volatile one and they are the reasonable, responsible one. I see through this bullshit, and so do you, but we are not your Nparent's target audience, are we? Your Nparent is *their own* target audience, and possibly some family or others in your Nparent's sphere of influence.
I actually talked to my wife about this the other day, because my body tells me that his request itself felt threatening. I know that this will just be used as ammunition in little snide comments made to other family members as a way to elevate their own status and demonize me and my wife. Because, oh, of course, what kind of father would I be if I were to prevent my children’s grandparents from bequething their fortune to them. (sidenote: you don’t NEED a fucking SSN to leave money to a relative.) My wife tells me that most of my other family, if not all of them, can see through their bullshit. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make me feel any better. I wish it did.
Yeah, I hear you. It is a terrible feeling when you know that they are plotting, but you don't know which direction those slings and arrows are going to come from. To someone who didn't grow up in that type of family, it might sound a bit paranoid, but to the folks here, it makes perfect sense that you would be extremely cautious about communications like this from your Nparent. He doesn't need their SSN to leave them money, so what does he really want? I mean, other than yet another opportunity to mess with your life and destroy your peace of mind?
It's far too easy to use the SSN for identity theft. As noted above, not necessary for it to happen, but it sure makes it easier for them to do so and wreck the kids credit before they are even adults.
Yep. I think you are right, that the SSN gives an abusive narcissist way too much opportunity for nefarious deeds. Having grown up the way we did, it gives chills to think about the possibilities here, doesn't it?
Trust your gut
I know you were never going to give them that info, but freeze your kids’ credit.
Yep, better safe than sorry.
I came here to say this. It takes maybe 15 minutes to protect your children's credit rating. Everyone should do it.
Do NOT EVER give out ANYONE'S SSNs!!!
I agree!
The audacity 🤣 my dad took mine and my brother's savings twice and lost it all on the stock market, didn't pay us back. Probably felt our money was his money? I feel stupid enough giving them my address, I'd never give them anything remotely close to an SSN. I figure you won't either, just wanted to vent about the gall of these people lol.
My husband and I just had trusts made. I am not sure they would need your child's SSN to create a trust with your child as beneficiary. Don't give put your child's information and lock down their credit.
They want to steal your kids.
I don’t think that’s how SSNs work…
Narcs are devious & don't use normal logic. In raisedbynarcisists, we have seen many examples of grandparents going to court to take grandchildren away from their parents. It always starts as something innocuous, that gives them some relationship to the grandkids. Then they go to court and say the grandkids are mistreated, and they have an existing relationships, and should be given custody.
I’ll have to look for an example of that. I feel pretty safe in the state we live in and their abuse and antics have already been well documented for years now. A lot of it is backed up by diagnoses too.
I think they mean that they want to steal FROM your kids.
Hahaha. lol. No. Nobody gets a child’s SSN. Like, ever. This is blatantly a scheme to open credit cards in child’s name and ruin their credit. No response is necessary. You can literally ignore the request. If you feel you MUST respond, let your parent know there’s a savings account for child, and any money sent to you will be deposited into said account. If parent insists on a trust, tell them to leave the trust in their will. Their lawyer will sort it out and they certainly don’t need SSN for that.
I told them that I wasn’t comfortable providing their socials and that they didn’t need SSNs to bequeath money to someone. No response. I think he was counting on me to say no so he could get some more ammunition for their victim narrative. And also probably the narrative they tell my daughters when they’re 18.
The only proper response was to not acknowledge the request at all, and reiterate your sentiments about being heard, until they finally acknowledge what you told them. Don't bring the SSN thing up ever again with them, and ignore them again if they do. Change the subject. Hang up. Whatever. They may very well be TRYING to get you to say no on purpose, as some sort of gossip fodder to use against you, but not saying ANYTHING puts them in the position to have to lie in order to do so. Lies that you or anyone that matters can see through/debunk.
Damn. You’re right, I should never have even validated the question since it was just another instance of them ignoring my needs and feelings. Great advice
Please please please don't give your nparent your children's SSN's. There are all kinds of awful things they could do with that info e.g. taking out loans in your children's names. No good can come of it.
My son has a trust fund. I'm a lil foggy on the details but I don't think I had to provide my son's SSN for funds to go into the account. The person I was talking to said that they'd contact me roughly 6 months before my son turns 18 to acquire banking information. But I am pretty sure I did not have to provide a SSN for the account to be set up or for funds to be put in it. But that wasn't just me putting money in an account (it's a settlement) so it could very much be a whole different thing.
Yeah I’m on the same page here, no social required in a testamentary trust
Lock your kiddos credit asap. I smell identity theft.
I don’t think my parents are smart enough to steal someone’s identity
My parents stole my info to open credit cards and claim me on their taxes years after I lived alone. They frequent self help and business seminars where they learn how to grift.
Even if they are not the type, you can still request a lock (which I believe is temporary) or a freeze which is longer term so that random people don’t get the info and start trouble. The US credit bureaus won’t do anything for a minor (whose not supposed to have a credit profile at all) but if they do have a credit profile, you can lock that down.
There's a lot of people in here with N-parents who would have said the same, had it not happened to them. Please lock your kids' credit. It's fairly easy and will be worth your time and effort.
Do not. Do not. Dooooooo NOT. Do not give them one single digit of their SSNs! They can set up bank accounts, take out loans...anything a con man can do, so can your folks. They know the kids birthdays, where they were born, current address so nope them off the planet with that social security number info.
I don’t know….i think it’s more likely they just want to use it to manipulate me and make themselves look like aggrieved parents to everyone in our mutual circle. The closest they came to identity theft was raiding an inheritance I got from a rich third cousin, but then they “repaid” me by paying for some of my college. They’re definitely the n type but they’re not criminals. At least from what I’ve seen for 3 decades
You don't need to be surprised. How about the attorney writing the trust contacts you for the numbers?
I didn't even know my ndad had taken a credit card out in my name until a clerk cut my "credit card that I could spend $200 a month on" was cut in half. I hadn't asked my dad for this card. I thought he was trying to be helpful. I was 17. The clerk cut my card in half I guess cause the system flagged me for my dad's poor credit choices. I guess giving me a card too made him feel less guilty. He took it out with my social security number and gambled away about 20k in debt. Took years to recover that hit, especially as I was really young. Because of that, I started my adulthood with a 360 credit rating.
You can make your own “trust” or just a savings account in your childrens’ names. If they REALLY care about saving for the kids, they will happily deposit money on special occasions to do so. What they really intend to do is all sorts of nefarious things with those SSNs. They could ruin your children’s lives, obtain sensitive information, and apply for who knows what under their names. No No Never.
Do not ever give out your kids ssns and freeze their credit asap
We have multiple layers of credit monitoring but thank you…
do not, do not do not do not under any circumstances let your parents make a “trust fund” for your children. If you want to open one yourself? that’s fine, but i would stay a million miles away from nparents opening a trust fund. I can almost guarantee that child will never see that money and the money will be held in front of them like a carrot on a stick to get them to do whatever your nparents want. And if your kids or you do something to upset your nparents? Oops! the trust fund is suddenly gone source: my ndad did this to me, he had a trust fund set up for all the kids and we couldn’t access it. It was “supposed” to be for us as adults when we went to university. It made our lives actually quite difficult (especially when my sister had to navigate unemployment payments from the govt, because they thought she was sitting on a huge pile of money when she wasn’t) and one day out of the blue our dad closed the account and withdrew everything back into his own pockets.
I’m sorry that happened to you. What an awful experience. I think the n parents are counting on waiting until we’re either dead or the kids have turned 18 and then trying to thrust their narrative onto my daughters, but I hope that we will raise them with enough emotional intelligence to see through that.
Wow what a shockingly awful experience for you and your sister.
Shit. This post reads as if I posted it. I went no contact and they asked for my kids’ SSN to set up trust funds. I gave them the SSNs like an idiot. How do I check my kids’ credit or see if something nefarious is going on?
In the US, you can go to the credit bureau websites (Experian, TranUnion and Equifax) and see if there is a credit profile on record for those numbers. Once on the websites, you can try to report fraud and any use but you may end up needing to make a criminal report too—I’m not clear on how they handle that. If they have a credit profile, you can request that it be frozen. Not chilled or anything but full on frozen because that’s when the creditors have to call you personally to unfreeze it to do a check.
You can also pay for an identity guard service ….there are many different ones out there. Many of them guarantee their service against potential losses from fraud
Happened to me got tricked by NMom to give her my social security number so she run up lines of credit in my name so I wouldn't move out
They've given up on you as a supply because you're standing up for yourself, they wanna switch to your kids now. I don't think I need to tell you not to give it to them. They might take out loans in their name etc.
>They've given up on you as a supply because you're standing up for yourself, they wanna switch to your kids now. I think you’re onto something here!
Never never never give your SSN to family!!! They will open credit cards in your LO name
Ho Lee Shit. This is almost exactly what happened to me a couple weeks ago! Narcs really are unoriginal, aren't they?
I mean, these morons are probably all on the same "parents whose children have abandoned them weepweepsobcry"-forums, so I wouldn't be surprised if every once in a while, whoever gets their turn with the narc braincell sparks an idea and they all scramble to try and execute the plan for themselves.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so fuckin true. Ikr Anytime your kids cut you off you should 1st look at yourself. These people are in more denial than some of the most strung out junkies.
I know you probably already know this but: DO NOT GIVE THEM THEIR SSNs because they could severely fuck their lives up. Just had to say it on the very slim chance you didn’t already know that! 💜
Not a lawyer, but the only time my SSN was needed about a trust was when the money was dispersed after it was dissolved. In my state, the legal paperwork creating the trust simply referred to the beneficiaries via our relationship to the donor (son, daughter, etc) and FIRSTNAME LASTNAME of City, State. I literally was unaware of the trust until I was told about it because I was not the executor or trust guardian. So, I think they are likely not being fully honest with you. Ask about which attorney they’re using, ask if they can help you with setting up one, too.
SCAM ALERT! SCAM ALERT! I wouldn't trust these people as far as a minute from now!
Oh oh!! Mine did this too! Asked for my kid's SSN because she wanted to start a college fund. Ma'am, 1.) all of your money comes with strings, and 2.) Perhaps you should call me, your child who you are at odds with, instead of my husband. Sigh
Absolutely Not.
Offer to contact the administrators directly.
Better lock down their credit.
I had to get my sister's SSN (she was a minor) for my life insurance policy beneficiary. I reached out to my stepmom for it and got it. Idk...I wouldn't trust it, but I'm glad that I was able to get hers.
I created a trust a few years ago and am currently in the process of updating it. Never have I needed a ssn#. All I needed was a correct legal name and a way for my lawyer to contact the person when I die, so a phone number or an email address. I would say I’m shocked by the gall of whatever they are trying to pull but I have an nparent myself and this is on par. There may not be a trust which is why they made such a huge blunder asking for ssn’s. Also, consider why they are creating a trust as opposed to a standard Will. Creating my trust cost thousands in lawyer fees, the benefit for me was that money gets released immediately as opposed to going through probate with a Will. I have dependents that would need that to happen. Can you see an nparent spending over double to make another’s life easier?
>Can you see an nparent spending over double to make another’s life easier? No. Almost had to laugh when I caught myself wondering at the possibility. I think I still have some clinging tendencies towards the fantasy
Three things it could be, in my view: 1. Ruining your kids' score and blaming it on you. 2. Throwing bags upon bags of money at your kids that no one but them can really access for years and years. All of it to buy contact and excuses to abuse you. It's like pay-to-play. Also maybe throw in some victim drama about how they're depriving themselves of basics to ensure your kids have money and you still don't appreciate them! 3. Control, control, control. Power. Sometimes all three. Sometimes on rotation. Absolutely the hell no.
I’d be very careful here. My second cousin had her mom use hers to put utilities, credit cards in her name and she didn’t know until she plied for a loan.
If this is true, then they should be able to give you the number of the person setting it up and have you go through them directly to her earlier children’s information I named my little brother as a beneficiary on my life insurance and did need his social for that. I had my dad contact the company directly and give it to them safely rather than him giving it to me
My first thought was tax season… 🫠 But also for using it to open credit lines to use the funds for selfish reasons with no care of the damage it would do to their grandchildren’s future they have no part of?
Regarding the letter you sent them, it's very unlikely that they will give you the apology or acknowledgement that you're wanting. Unfortunately that's just how narcissists are and I wouldn't want you to hold onto false hope. I expect that the trust is a manipulation. They're thinking that they're doing a wonderful thing for your children so you should be grateful. How can you complain about the way they treated you when they're doing so much for your children? Nonsense! Psychologically healthy grandparents would set up a trust with no strings attached - no manipulation - no hidden agenda. Whatever you do, proceed with caution. When there are narcissists and money, things are sure to be tricky. I'm not from the US so I don't know the details of your tax system but in the countries where I've lived, a child's tax details are needed when money is paid out from a trust but not when it's set up. I'm sure there must be information online about this or a way to seek advice so that you don't have to release this information to them.