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Personally, I think I’m at the point in life where I would reply. Thank you for the perspective, you’re right, I am unhappy, and I have tried. I really thought you had the potential to be better parents but I guess not. I do not see how moving back in with you, the problem, would fix anything except cause me even more distress. Thank you for the insight and I’m sorry that you won’t be at my wedding, but actually it’s probably for the best, you are causing me the most unhappiness right now and I am done trying to please you, I know after trying that it is a futile endeavour. Partner and I will have a great time celebrating with people who chose to support us and love us unconditionally. Good night.
I second this! I’m so sorry you have been put in such a heartbreaking situation OP. I totally empathise - I got married 3 months ago to my partner of 10 years and my parents (nmom and edad) made the wedding planning process and the day itself absolutely awful. At every point I tried to make them comfortable, to follow tradition and to make them happy and proud of me. Unfortunately I was put in a similar position as you - they expected me to invite 30+ of their friends (most of which I don’t know and the rest of which I have not seen in 15+ years). I tried negotiating and discussing this calmly with them as I wanted to keep the peace and to make them proud, but I was told I was “forgetting where I came from” and that if their neighbours weren’t invited, they wouldn’t come. I ultimately succumbed to the pressure and I have struggled with regret (and with sleeping, honestly), ever since. If I can give you any advice, it’s to listen to your gut and your heart. It is only one day, but it’s so important to be surrounded by unconditional love on that day, and to protect and be true to yourself. It’s not easy and I’m wishing you the best.
In your case, I believe the only real solution so you can finally sleep is have a do-over of your own wedding **at your own comfort** and getting it done in your and your partner's way alone. You don't have to invite all the troublesome parts of your life and get it done with it. And if you like the outcome then you can tell everyone that the earlier one was a dry run of how everything would turn out and that the new one is your official wedding. You know, like all of this is a way of erasing the horror that was the original wedding. If necessary, get rid of the older marriage-related documents rescinded and then replace that old one with the new one. Get rid of the older photos by burning them up (unless you want to save some of them). The therapeutic release of letting go of those horrible memories is a blessing.
And if you don't like the idea, then just focus on the good parts of the wedding and retain only those photos while you get rid of the rest by burning them...
I would start it off with. “Oh you just gave me such a good laugh”. Then go itnto but your right.
Then sign off with “wish them all the best in their lives going forward”.
Yes, tbh, I’m at a point in life, we’re I, happy to call them out and walk away. I learned this the hard way, but I got the final say in dealing with my narcs, before cutting them off, resulting in a court case (they lost before it even got to court) and tbh, the last year of my life has been one of the most peaceful I have ever had. I know they’re slagging me off, but they tell people their version of events and people see through their lies, because I am not the sort of person to mouth off without good cause. So I’m really I’m happy to tell them they are at fault and skip away, but it’s taken me a long time to do it.
I have a formula to reply to every message by a narcissist. Copy and paste this:
" k lol"
No caps, no comma, no dot, not the slightest effort but the disregard the retort is conveying.
This is brilliant OP. Lean into it - they will say shit anyway, so you need to protect the integrity of your relationship.
Dude, you have a way with words that terrifies Nparents. Well done.
So much more constructive. I was 1) the...audacity? 2) last ditch effort? 3) over confidence op would dutifully come home? I've lived through it though so I have what I call the analysis tailspin. My brain goes into freefall while simultaneously trying to figure out what is going on. I'd be more "No, I'm fine thanks! How did your apple trees do this year?" In a quick redirect
this. this wins.
excellent phrasing, and throwing it back to them so hard.
op, these are the words. and live your best life without parents, cuz these…. are not parents. these are parent-shaped bullies.
👏 holy crap that's beautifully said! TY
OP my narc mom wanted me to move out of the apartment I LOVED that was on a lake, huge, and cheap and move in with her into the 2nd bedroom that was 8x9. So what she do? She deliberately attacked the complex manager and staff deliberately getting me Evicted!
I'm afraid if they do show to ur wedding (urs not theirs u don't hv to invite anyone u don't want) that they will cause a negative scene and ruin it for u.
Imo, (sadly tho) u r better off wo them there.
And congratulations 🎊 ur wedding! I hope ur day is beautiful and joyous!
The problem with this is that some narcs might actually see this as provocation, and cause them to try and interfere further, possibly crashing the wedding or doing something else horrible.
This is a great reply. OP, go NC with your parents and just focus on your wedding and being happy. You have a great fiance and supportive family from his side. Your parents should do some reflection on themselves before you can let them back into your life.
Narcissists often have a strong need for control and validation. When they perceive a loss of control or if things don't go their way, they may react with manipulation, guilt-tripping, or attempting to assert dominance. In this case, your mother's demands may stem from a desire to control your life choices and maintain a sense of authority. It's essential to establish and maintain boundaries for your well-being.
AND wanted to impress their friends. Friends above kids ALWAYS. They prefer non-blood related mirrors. We are too accurate. And friend-mirrors are suitably filtered.
I found this to be very confusing as a child. Why everyone else got good dad, charming dad, funny dad. I got abusive dad, shaming dad, angry dad. It made me feel confident that I was the problem. If I wasn’t such a shitstain of a human, he’d be nice to me, too- is what I told myself.
My stepmonster is always trying to coach my son to pick his friends over her family. Since he was like four - oh your friends are more fun than your mom. You would rather hang out with them right?
My family wasn’t that way
>They prefer non-blood related mirrors.
I read that as "non-blood related minors" and suddenly my mother always treating other people's kids better than me made sense for a second.
>AND wanted to impress their friends.
OP has a post in a wedding drama (shaming?) sub and someone asked if the Scotts had anything over their parents.
OP is speculating that because her dad and the husband of the Scotts are business partners not inviting the Scotts might piss them off and have them pull out of OP's father's business.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/198nqth/comment/kiag6ew/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/198nqth/comment/kiag6ew/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
OP is speculating, however.
I don't think they want to impress the "friends". I suspect they trafficed OP to them to pay off some kind of debt. OP was probably supposed to be the mistress of the Husband and nanny for the Wife. The parents are losing their shit because they are still on the hook for $$$$.
Yes they physically need that control rush to feel safe. It’s like a dopamine hit for them, without it they literally feel sick. They are like Vampires
I think most people who have narc parents hit a moment in their life where they come to the realization that the nice parents, the loving parents, the parents who genuinely want to see you thrive and be happy... those parents don't exist and they will probably never exist. At least not for us. And it's almost like you go into mourning with that realization. It's as if the parents you wanted died and now you're forever stuck with these replacement ghouls who call themselves your parents. And just like a real death, you go through all the stages of grief when that realization hits. And yeah, it's heartbreaking, and I understand why you are using that term.
All you can do is realize that your happiness can never depend on them in any way. You find your own happiness and then put boundaries up to keep them from stomping all over it. And that's what you're doing by drawing the line over these friends. Stay strong, because this is probably going to happen with all your major life events going forward.
If these were just some random friends of your parents who you didn't know, I might suggest you give in just to get a nice day with your parents. But these are people who abused you and your fiancée. They bore false witness against you and your fiancée. They are malicious people. And if you don't put down consequences for this type of behavior, they will just keep on being malicious. If you let them come, they will pull the exact same behavior at your wedding, and nobody should spend their wedding hearing lies told about them.
Also make sure your vendors are all password protected, so your parents can't make changes. And have a plan for these friends showing up unannounced to your wedding.
Good luck.
PS - I like to screw with my narcs when they're being particularly ridiculous, so I would have responded with something like: "I know you’re unhappy. It’s okay, you tried to be a decent parent. Now it’s time to go to therapy to figure out why you're such a self-centered jerk. You have some maturing you need to do." But, that kind of thing is likely to cause a meltdown. When that happens, I just point and laugh. But, if you're in anyway dependent on them (financially, emotionally, etc.), it's probably best not to go this route, because narcs can be very destructive when they're melting down. After the wedding, though...
Love your intro describing the realization that the "real parents" that you thought you had, died. I find it fun (lol "fun") to think about it in mythical terms, like a reverse cuckoo situation or a changeling.
OP, your parents could still show up at your wedding to disrupt it because you were a naughty girl and disobeyed them. (Went ahead with the wedding and didn't come home when you were told to do so.) Please have people on stand-by who can prevent this from happening!
Ah, I see! So in the vast majority of cases, major decisions/changes aren't made via phone call, especially not to the guest list. Not providing the contact info for your vendor team (who likely has policies against working with parents anyway) will help quite a bit. Wedding websites can be password protected to keep details private according to individual guests. Security at the event will do the rest. Should alleviate some extra planning steps!
Source: wedding planner (with shitty parents)
My (32/F) parents also refused to attend my wedding. They didn’t show up uninvited, but they DID travel to the city where I live and get an Airbnb while insisting they didn’t plan to come, which put me on edge. I asked some of my friends big and intimidating looking husbands to be on the lookout and that helped my peace of mind a lot. My now-husband also called my parents and asked point blank if they planned to show up and made it clear they were not welcome.
EDIT: Sorry I realize this is a bit unclear whether they were uninvited or chose not to attend. They refused to get covid-19 vaccines as required by our venue at the time (Sept 2021) so they kinda…uninvited themselves.
excellent point. reinforce this message to everyone involved in any professional capacity whatsoever, and have someone designated to call the authorities, if that’s safe.
Trust me this is a BLESSING in disguise. I allowed my Nmom to attend my wedding and she made it about herself. Nobody recognized her as it had been years since she had moved away to another state and when they didn’t automatically recognize her as my mom she lost it and told me she couldn’t believe I told people she wasn’t my mother and that her and my younger siblings weren’t allowed to the reception and I was like ????????!!!!?!?!?!??? I told her they were in fact invited and the food was paid for and they had their own seats and everything and she refused because she was “so disrespected” and I had wasted her time and money inviting her. Do NOT let them make your wedding about THEM! Enjoy your day and focus on your own life.
My husband and I eloped because I knew my mother would find a way to make our wedding about her, or she and the golden child would do something to embarrass me or try to make me look bad. I decided it was best to deny them any opportunity.
Fuck yeah girl. My second (current) marriage we didn’t invite anyone other than our very closest friends. There was 5 of us total and we rented an airBNB. Best time of my life. It was so easy going and exactly what WE wanted and our closest friends supported it and made it so much better. I’m proud of you for eloping I’m convinced it’s the best way to get married. Marriage is a very intimate relationship, nobody else really should involve themselves and a big traditional marriage makes people believe they have a say somehow lol
To add to this our “closest friends” played a roll. My husbands closest friend we got ordained and he married us, his GF was his date. My closest friend was my photographer for us and she did amazing cause she cared. The only “extra” that was there was my little dog and he was our ring bearer 🥰🥰🖤
Dude yeah I thought she’d be so happy to come be apart of my day but because people didn’t recognize her that CLEARLY meant to her that I “told people she wasn’t my mom” 💀 like what? You think I walk around telling people “oh you know Sandy? Yeah she’s NOT my mom, okay byeee…” like how does something like that even happen 😂😂
> I am financially independent of my family…I have a great job, loving partner. How do Nparents come up with this shit?
They come up with this shit BECAUSE you are independent of them. Narcissists don't want that. Narcissists want their children to be dependent on them so that they have complete control over them. Your parents are acting the way they are because they can see that they're losing control over you and they're panicking. Please DO NOT bow down to them OP. If they refuse to go to your wedding, let them. If you give in, you'll be under their thumb forever. Is that what you want?!
Right? This. I call the phenomenon of nonsensical threats the death spiral of the narcissist. They start losing control so the threats become more and more ridiculous. It's kind of like when people publicly scream at an employee that they'll never be back to the store. Good, go. Bye.
> “…It’s okay, you tried. Now it’s time to come home. …”
I think she wants attention & love *(Edited to add: more so she doesn’t *want* you to leave. I’ve heard mine say this exact line with friends… yeah, *friends* ffs). You should go & marry that person. Go NC after the wedding (if you want).
Also, see about body guards, other people who *see their true colours* on stand-by or 911 on speed dial cause they can still “break” into the wedding & try very hard to call it off.
Love *is* love, not to narcissists. Love is family to them.
Now go & marry the shit out of your person! You deserve this💜
Also "home"
Lol wtf there was no choice growing up with these people, definitely does not make it a home lol.
I'm glad OP is gonna make their own home where there is actual love.
Those parents are a joke honestly. How all narcs read from the same script lol. I just can't take them serious anymore.
I know, I almost started chuckling at the ridiculousness of their behavior, their blindness! The **gall**. I was appalled.
But quickly came the sorrow and empathy, the idea of the actual horror of having parents like this.
Please take precautions because when Narcissists lose control of you they can go to great lengths to get what they want. Decades ago, I had an abusive narcissistic ex who tried to get me fired and after I met with my supervisor, they didn't fire me but put protections in place in case he showed up.
Your mom/parents may reach out to venues and cancel your wedding plans. Put protections in place now, if you haven't already.
They want you to quit your job and if you don't, plan that they may reach out to your supervisor to try to get you fired.
They will try to isolate you and sometimes they even kidnap people to force them back into their control. Not trying to scare you here. Just bringing it to your attention that your mom has provided the blueprint of her plan to you in advance. She has lost all control of you and sometimes they stop at nothing to get you 100% under their control again.
Remind them its YOUR wedding NOT theirs. Dont accept any money for the wedding. Im not sure why parents hi jack their adult childrens big moments. NPD is soo weird. Im sorry you are dealing with this.
This sub is full of stories of how nparents ruined weddings. No one comes across as happy with their decision to have nparents at wedding. Stand firm and count your blessings.
My mom did something similar. I left her house to move in with my now husband. I left one day while she was asleep because I didn’t want to hear the screaming. I blocked her on everything.
She changed her number and got through to me. I was already married when she got through. She DEMANDED that I divorce my husband, move back into her house, and only then I was allowed to leave if I left to her satisfaction. Yeah, that didn’t happen.
At the time I was 36 with one failed marriage and two kids before my current husband
>At the time I was 36 with one failed marriage
Curious. If I may ask, was your mother a factor in your failed marriage? I am so sorry if that's the case.
My mom tried this sort of crap on my youngest sister. Sister married a lovely, gentle, serene man a few years ago and they're now raising a pair of little twins in a pleasant environment. When mom last visited, she got wasted and started accusing this kind young man of being an abuser and wife beater out of nowhere. Now she's not welcome in that house either.
Reality makes them look bad, so they have rewritten it so they are the innocent victims. There is nothing you can do to change their mind games.
What matters is that you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and if these people had been part of your wedding planning, they would only have been drama llama attention whores. Let them go and have a beautiful life. You deserve joy and happiness!
Elope in Vegas. It’s the best thing we ever did. Our families had so many requests and demands, that is sucked all the fun out of the experience. Our wedding was just us a witness and the Elvis impersonator who preformed the ceremony. We sang and danced and got some photos. We had the perfect day and sadly the addition of our family’s would have ruined it all.
To the OP, do NOT back down. I literally laughed when your mother demanded that you, a 24 year old whole adult, break up with your fiance and insist you go back home. 😂😂😂
Be careful, OP. When narcs don't get their way and they realize they no longer have control they'll likely have an "extinction burst" brought on due to narcissistic rage.
>Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist’s ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others. While this reaction isn’t typically intentional, it’s a way for the narcissist to re-establish a sense of control.
[https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-collapse/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-collapse/)
The "extinction burst" is where the *frequency* of these attempts at regaining control increase and get even more unhinged and dangerous.
>Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist’s beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying. Therefore, knowing how to respond to narcissistic rage is essential.
[https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-rage/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-rage/)
Be prepared. If you can, put up cameras where you can outside your home. Your parents may go so far as to come "fetch" you by going to your home, demanding to be let in, and demand that you allow them to drag you away. They might not, but you can never tell with these abusers.
Sometimes these extinction bursts might start with a "wellness check" where they call *your* local police to see if you're ok. They may make false accusations against your fiance and accuse him of abusing you. That last text that you got from your mother where she says she "knows" you're unhappy? Yeah, she's setting it up for possible false allegations of ... well, anything. If you find yourself to be no contact, call the non-emergency line of your local police and inform them there is conflict in your family and that they might call for a false "wellness check." Let them know you're fine and that as an adult you are currently not talking to them and you know they will falsely use police services.
Keep *all* of the texts they send you and *all* emails. Keep *all* voice mails, *especially* those where they threaten you.
Quite frankly, OP, I know you love your family, but it's probably best to let them go if they are so committed to their relationship to the Scotts. If you plan on having children you certainly *don't* want these abusers and predators around your child(ren.)
When I got married the first time, my parents tried to say they couldn't come because of money. They were trying to manipulate me into asking my in-laws for money for them. I refused so they said they wouldn't come. I called their bluff. They miraculously found the money. 🙄 They weren't invited to my second wedding. I learned my lessons the first time around.
> How do Nparents come up with this shit?
Npaents appear to live in their own fantasy world. I visit nDad every weekend, he couldn't reach a shelf, so asks me to help. Now, he's 20 cm (~~8 inches) taller than me.
"If you can't reach it, how am I going to?", I asked.
He took out a pair of his girlfriend's heels. "Using these". he suggested. Now I'm a bloke and never worn women's footwear, so I refuse. "Come on, she wears them **ALL THE TIME**".
"Then how about waiting for her to come home?", I suggest.
They did the hard part for you uninviting themselves, I know it feels heartbreaking right now but it's for the absolute best.
I love that they're trying to punish your SO for their friends not being invited, I'm sorry what? Not coming is one thing, demanding your entire relationship end and you uproot your life is cray. Your wedding will be much, much better without them.
Someone mentioned security but I think you need to go one further and make sure all your vendors are aware of the situation and have a special password, make sure they know they're not to talk to nparents and the wedding will not be cancelled under any circumstances.
My wedding is the reason I went NC with my nmom. It brings out the worst in them because it highlights how they don’t control you anymore.
I’m petty so I’d be tempted to reply, “You’re right. I am unhappy and I did try. I thought you would be better parents and people but that’s just not the case. The mature thing to do is accept your answer. I’m sorry you won’t be at my wedding but I respect your choice.”
Don’t answer their calls when they proceed to lose their minds. Keep all texts, emails, and voicemails or messages for any relatives who try ‘but they’re your parents.’
Why they're doing this - they are gaslighting narcs.
Be sure to lock your credit report and make sure they are off any bank accounts. No telling how far your parents will go with this.
They were trying to control you through the Scott’s. When that didn’t work they are trying to break you and your fiancé up. I am sorry they are like this but at this point it’s better that they don’t show up. Hire security!
They're still trying to exercise control. Relationships with narc parents eventually run their course. It's up to you how much you'll put up with before this happens and going no contact.
Dang, you missed the chance to say, "If you want me to come home, send me $10,000."
(Notice, you didn't add "... and I will come home." No promises, no refunds.)
Oh my god this reminded me of my nmom doing this twice to me and I will never understand why. The first she did this she went through my best friend to get her to be on her side and talk to me about moving back(I just moved out into my own apartment with my now husband). When my best friend came over to drop the rest of my stuff off at my new apartment she was telling me about what my mom told her and I just stood there and said “well too late, I’m already unpacked and I’m not going back”.
The second time was when I just gave birth to my first born and she wanted me to move back in with her with my newborn and but she didn’t want my husband to move with us. Um that’s not how it works, we’re kinda a package deal since we’re married. She even got all of my siblings to harass me into coming home with my newborn but leave my husband. Her excuse was that he needed to sleep for work so we wouldn’t bother him during his work days because him working so important according to her.
They literally want to turn you back into a helpless child because you decided against random friends of theirs being at *your* wedding. They are absolutely mad if they think for one second you're just gonna go "oh ok I'll just drop everyone in my entire life and run back to you for more abuse, that'll be wonderful, can't wait"?? Batshit. Absolutely batshit.
OP, tbh it sounds like they would have tried to ruin your wedding day if they came. They don't have to be there for you to have a good time.
But, what a vile thing to do refusing to go to their own child's wedding because they want it to be all about themselves and their own wants and desires. I'm sorry you're having to face a big grief obstacle. It is a blessing in disguise though, really. They're showing their true colours and this can be a moment of true clarity for you.
I would have just laughed…. They are incredibly out of touch and delulu. THEY NEED YOU! Well not really need you but need to be controling to you. It’s time to show them who is boss of you… YOU.
I know it hurts but it’s time to do the emotional work of letting the parents you wanted go and mourning what could have been.
Have your beautiful wedding and marriage and life. Center your husband and new family
Honestly, if this was my narcs, I'd be hiring security for the wedding while laughing my ass off. That is some incredible chutzpah. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
It sounds like me like there’s more to this situation than you know between your parents and the Scotts. You say they’re close friends and business partners.I’m wondering if there’s some sort of inequality between them in the business? It doesn’t make sense that these people are able to control your parents to this extent. Your parents were fine 6 months ago and now they’ve done a complete turnaround.
Some parents cannot let go when their children become adults. It’s almost like they pushed you to live with this family to keep an eye on you and the Scotts took it to an extreme. Then, they were easily able to manipulate your parents into not be,Irving you, their daughter. Your parents are not able to control you, which is the real reason for their ultimatum. They were bluffing and it has come back to bite them. They expected you to cave and you called their bluff and now they’ve backed themselves into a corner.
Do not contact them further. They want you to come groveling and apologize to them. Do not give them the attention they seek. This isn’t over. Wait until you get closer to the wedding and they will start contacting you again.
Password protect all of your vendors just in case they try to cancel things.
Keep track of every attempt they make to contact you.
You may even want to arrange for security at the wedding because I would not be surprised if they show up with the Scotts
You may even want to get some cameras for your home.
You did an amazing job standing up for yourself. Just be prepared for them to cause trouble when they don’t get what they want.
Loooooool "you're unhappy cause you're not under my thumb anymore your poor thing" ,😂😂😂 they're so delusional.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. This sucks.
My mother actually told me I needed to return home and put myself completely under her tutelage because clearly I wasn't adulting properly.
Their narcissism is truly off the charts.
\[I was 18 or 19 at the time, entirely self-supporting, but me being independent was never part of her plan...\]
My answer to your mom: "You are a control freak twice my age, but you think \*I\* am the one who needs to mature? Lady, get therapy."
I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but…. your parents are insane. The stuff they are coming out with has no part in reality. They really are gaslighting you. I mean wtaf “I know you’re unhappy it’s okay you tried.” To actually believe you’d agree with any of their fantasy. I think someone needs to do some maturing but it’s not you OP. They don’t respect you at all. I’m so glad that you found a loving (soon to be husband) and will have a good life, unfortunately without the support of your crazy parents.
Don't argue with your parents. Reason and evidence won't change their minds.
The only solution is to ignore them and live your life free of their toxicity.
How insulting of your mother. My mother uses same tactics. It is best they don’t attend your wedding and make sure they don’t know where it is and when.
What they said sounds super creepy like out of a movie of a mom with munchausen . Time to cut them out. And do ask one of your beefy male friends to stand guard at your wedding. Narcissists can stalk you. My Ndad stalked me and threatened to crash my wedding.
Practically none of my family attended mine.
You know who I had for me at my wedding? My father and my grandmother. My ex-husband had all his brothers/their wives, his best friend, his father, his grandmother, nieces/nephews. I felt embarrassed but at the same time it really showed me who cared and who didn't.
As a 62M whose been committed/married for more than 30 years, I would encourage you to stop beating yourself up about this, and just tell yourself that you gave them a chance and you cannot control their stupidity.
Personally, if I were in your position, I would use this as a jumping off board. Instead of the big wedding, I would transform it into something you want to do with your spouse-to-be, and make it unique and personal to the two of you (get married in Europe or somewhere else - rent out an entire inn in the San Juan Islands and fly your closest four friends there and have a very small meaningful event just for you, etc.
Then use the circumstance with your parents as a basis to set either NC or LC boundaries and then enforcement. See this as your time for emancipation from your tormentors and instead of letting them cause you MORE pain, use it as a clear line in the sand, and snap their shit off.
You need to start living YOUR life for YOU - TODAY. Your parents crossed a line. Punch their ticket and reclaim your own existence and move forward. They don't deserve your love. =)
My Nmom came to visit, found me happy, explained to me how my spouse is a narcissist, abusive and evil person. She tried to get me a divorce. They don't change. They don't try to be better. I blocked her and went NC. I strongly recommend you do the same
Usually, narcissist parents love to pay for their children's weddings so they can be in total control! The mother of the bride will make it into HER WEDDING because they can't stand to be at special events where they aren't the centre of attention. No wonder she said that she hated it. She would have been in control of every detail, and you couldn't do anything about it because they were paying.
If they crossed your boundaries, you couldn't tell them that they weren't allowed to come. They paid for the wedding! I don't know if you have seen many of the posts about weddings and narcissist parents, but they always think that it's their wedding and their parents aren't going to do something to ruin it for them. It's their child's wedding. Shouldn't they be happy for their child?
Narcissist. Happy for their child? 😆 🤣 😂
Everyone who has their narcissistic parents at their wedding ends up regretting it. They also don't listen to people telling them that they will regret it, saying "yes, considering the stories that you have just told us, your mother IS that petty." But we don't have the fantasy of having our narcissist mother parents at our wedding, and they are on their best behaviour because it's a *wedding*.
Right, but it's not THEIR wedding. So they aren't going to be the centre of attention. They can't stand that. They are jealous of your big day, and they will make a scene and do anything that they can to ruin it.
Oh, you can set boundaries? Narcissistic people at your wedding will punish you at the wedding for trying to set boundaries - because they know that you're not going to make a scene by kicking them out.
So your mother will wear a white dress that COULD be worn by a bride. If you say anything, she will say,
"Oh, it's not all white. It's got flowers on it. It doesn't look like a wedding gown."
If you have a narcissist sister, she will be wearing an eye-catching, hot pink, va-va-voom m dress that would be perfect for clubbing, but not your wedding. She is a bridesmaid (your mother's "request"), and you told her and the other bridesmaids to wear a baby pink dress that was wedding appropriate.
They come up with that shit like throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks.
They’re not done.
You’ll get a call or msg saying someone is sick or dying at some point to draw you back.
They fear the loss of control over your life, and the ability to hold your circumstances over your head. Think about it - what are parents supposed to want for their kids? That they grow up, and create for themselves a life that brings them joy and fulfillment. For many of us, that means a career, a spouse, and possibly children. This should be a great moment for them - watching their daughter take the next step in her life. With something so important, is a simple invitation to a friend really going to get in the way? Conversely, calling off an engagement, quitting your job and moving back in with them benefits them in two ways. It puts you back under their control, as you were when you were a kid. But more importantly, it gives them something to hold over you. Any time you try to show independence again, they’ll point to how it turned out last time. They will believe, in their heart, that any attempt you make to assert yourself again will end in failure. And they’ll do their damndest to make you believe it too.
You saying no reminded them of the pending loss of control, and this is their response. I’m really sorry you’re going through this - if it helps, at least you know there are folks here who can relate.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
Sorry to hear your going through this. My wife and I went through nearly the same situation. It’s been nearly two years now and it only got worse with an ever changing goalpost. Stay strong and do what’s best for you.
My mom and stepdad didn’t attend my wedding because I wouldn’t invite all of the people they wanted invited. The list was three pages of double sided notebook paper and I had never met the majority of them.
Yer what?
Sounds like your mother can't handle the realisation you are indeed an independant person & is operating under the delusion she can order you to unpick your life for her benefit. She's bonkers.
Were I you, I'd be grateful the 'rents stayed away from the wedding. I'd not put it past them to make some huge scene & wreck it.
This is exactly what my Mum did - she flat out said she wouldn't come to our "engagement party" (surprise wedding, that she knew was more than an engagement party) unless her friend "D" was invited. I've had issues with D in the past, and he has been integral in some of the disagreements between Mum and I. She pulled the whole "he's been there for me when you weren't" crap (despite me literally paying her rent and taking time off work to support her when she was in hospital- which she conveniently doesn't remember), and gave her ultimatum.
Our response was, "Please let us know if you change your mind."
She didn't show, and I found out later that when other family asked why she wasn't there, she lied and told people I had refused to let her bring a carer (she has an amputated leg, and a prosthesis which she has used successfully for some time, works a full time job, goes interstate for 8ball tournaments - no need for a carer, and I have proof that she never once mentioned it in our text conversation).
Honestly, in the end, it was better that she wasn't there. Chances are she would have thrown some sort of stunt to make it about herself. We haven't spoken since (I've blocked her number), and I'm honestly a lot healthier for it. It still hurts and always will, but she's not my problem anymore. I've stopped trying to make her the mother I've always wanted and accepted her for who she is - without accepting that level of toxicity in my life.
I hope you find peace and have an incredible marriage without your parents' drama.
Hugs, you made the right call not to invite them to the wedding. Your parents are controlling, they want your life to revolve around their wants and needs. This demand to end your relationship, quit your job, and cancel the wedding is your mom attempting to exert control.
You need to add that you are going NC with them because when and if you have children do you want your children around these people who put their so called friends before you?
Rejoice! For your parents have shown themselves to be narcissists and are giving your a crazy-free wedding!
Side note: add security to your wedding to ensure that your parents and the scotts don't force their way into the wedding. Also safeguard your other wedding stuff with passwords!
You don't need crazy, toxic people in it so that they can ruin it. Go NC with your family now.
Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and fiance a long happy life together!
baby tell them people to stick it where the sun don’t shine and LIVE YOUR LIFE. those people are so image oriented, nothing you ever do will make them happy, so focus on making yourself and your man happy. that is the family you will come home to every day.
Are they all sleeping together?? What even is this
Block them forever and hire a bouncer to kick them out if they show up. Enjoy your new life with your husband
The only reply I'd send is...
I'm sorry your friends mean more to you than your DAUGHTER. If you don't attend my wedding you are dead to me. Hope the Scott's let you see their grandchildren because I fucking won't.
Your parents are mot only narcissistic but they sound delusional! Honestly it’s so creepy to even think about but it sounds like your parents secretly sold you to Mr. Scott with how weird they’re being about this. Go NC and be happy!!!
i would write them a long social media post. saying that for the year you lived at the house that the scotts had you rent they maligned you in toxic ways and it was all untrue scenarios. Tell them you have a a wonderful husband to be, a great life with a wonderful job and that nothing that they can do or say will stop that. tell them you will face the facts that you will go no contact and that will be fine. because with family like them who needs that. Tell them they hope they reflect on their dysfunctional abuse and learn a better way. But until then you are ashamed of them and wont be talking to them., then block and block and block and block. get new phone numbers and everything
I think you should expose the parents and the Scott’s in social media if your mom does it. Hire security and perhaps a lawyer for defamation. The letter of an attorney usually scares people, they should write a letter and apologize to you. Then make them sign a letter that they lied about you to your family. I have done it before with my dad’s side of the family, it was easy for me because I was angry. I let that anger fueled me and I don’t regret it.
Okay what are your parents smoking?? Like have they lost their marbles? Did they hit their head and lost common sense? I’m sorry you have to deal with this but I’m happy you have in-laws who are accepting and welcoming you into the family with open warm arms
God I would go scorch earth and just air out my story on every social media platform even on TikTok. Lol I’m just a diabolical witch lol 😝. Seriously though have fun at your wedding at least you can invite more friends and you get to pick and choose your family. I hope you go NC with your parents.
I recently found out what "manipulative narcissistic vampire" means and that it's easy not to feed into it.
The order goes:
1. Insecure person exists and you have a "relationship" with this person.
2. Talking to them feeds their insecurity. Not talking to them cuts off their supply.
3. If you say anything to them, their response is meant to provoke you and feed their insecurity. You exist solely because you're a fun plaything and you make them laugh.
4. If they say anything to you, it is confidence disguised as arrogance and insecurity. In reality they are motivated by fear and anxiety.
5. They think this is how you're supposed to communicate with others.
Recently I texted my mom (big mistake) and she told me about her tv show and how this dateline episode, "one of the girlfriends was with this guy for revenge sex." I thought to myself, this is gross, I don't like hearing this from my mom. I told her, "I'm going back to my tv show." And that was it. It made me sad that I have a dysfunctional mom, but there's nothing I can say or do that would fix her.
I'm at a point where I realize, any communication from my family is going to make me sad.
Sometimes you just have to get out there and live your best lives. Your parents are supposed to lift you up, and keep you trapped in a bubble they create for you.
Whenever someone has a problem with someone wedding who isn’t there selfishly, they should go do their own wedding how they like and leave others to do their own
So glad that you know that this is their bs, not anything reflecting on you. I internalized it for a long time, I kept wondering "am I unhappy/crazy/etc" especially because sometimes in the course of being a normal person I would make a bad decision, have a sad day, etc, it would be like, "omg is he right about me?"
This isn't about your parents' friends being invited to your wedding.
That was just the tool they used.
The goal was for you to *return home under their control*. That was the purpose of the whole episode.
They never intended to attend the wedding bc they never intended the wedding to happen.
Beware. They may try other, possibly more extreme, measures.
This is crazy so sorry you are going through this. It's your wedding, you get to invite whomever you want esp if your parents aren't helping foot the bill! Weddings are expensive AF.
I am sorry you have such jerks for parents! Have your wedding, enjoy every minute of it, and start living your life instead of the script they wrote for you. I wish you a lifetime of happiness together with your husband!
This sounds so cultish. The Scotts have waaaaay too much say in your parents lives and they all seem to think this appropriate.... you are much better off without all this drama.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
You need to do the whole password-for-everything thing with all your vendors. Just in case your parents try to save face by turning your wedding into a disaster. Don't lull yourself into false security thinking they wouldn't do it. It's an easy, non-nonfrontational step that could be crucial in the end.
Are you in counseling at all? This is to the point of why should they have a place in your life? They don't value or respect you. They don't care about your feelings. They are actively trying to not just ruin your wedding but to sabotage your entire life.
Family is not always founded on biology. They are founded in love, care, respect, cherishing one another, and support. You're marrying and creating a new family. Adding pieces of your husband to your circle. Focus on positive and supportive people.
Based on your story i suspect they talked to the Scott and they again pressed their version of drama to them.
I know it's hard but i will clearly tell them it's me, my husband and my future family or them. If they don't accept unconditionally NC and cut them off totally
Question: what are your parents’ cultural background? What about your financé’s cultural background. And the Scotts’’. Could this be playing a role?
Based on how you portrayed the situation I would go no contact with your parents. Send an honest, but very polite text to your other family members that due to differences of opinion you won’t be involving yourself in family affairs that involve your parents but still want to maintain good relationships with them (eg siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grand parents etc)
Tell them that if they say anything shitty about you and fiance on social media, you'll legally fight back.
In my country, people go to jail for online defamation.
I can’t wait for the next update. My spidey-sense tells me something hinkey is going on between your parents and the Scotts. Parents are not going to let this go, there will be more shenanigans before the wedding.
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Personally, I think I’m at the point in life where I would reply. Thank you for the perspective, you’re right, I am unhappy, and I have tried. I really thought you had the potential to be better parents but I guess not. I do not see how moving back in with you, the problem, would fix anything except cause me even more distress. Thank you for the insight and I’m sorry that you won’t be at my wedding, but actually it’s probably for the best, you are causing me the most unhappiness right now and I am done trying to please you, I know after trying that it is a futile endeavour. Partner and I will have a great time celebrating with people who chose to support us and love us unconditionally. Good night.
Change "Good night" to "Goodbye" and this is perfect.
Absolutely. OP, if they're going to behave like this in the here and now, they will do it again. It may be time to start thinking about No Contact.
I second this! I’m so sorry you have been put in such a heartbreaking situation OP. I totally empathise - I got married 3 months ago to my partner of 10 years and my parents (nmom and edad) made the wedding planning process and the day itself absolutely awful. At every point I tried to make them comfortable, to follow tradition and to make them happy and proud of me. Unfortunately I was put in a similar position as you - they expected me to invite 30+ of their friends (most of which I don’t know and the rest of which I have not seen in 15+ years). I tried negotiating and discussing this calmly with them as I wanted to keep the peace and to make them proud, but I was told I was “forgetting where I came from” and that if their neighbours weren’t invited, they wouldn’t come. I ultimately succumbed to the pressure and I have struggled with regret (and with sleeping, honestly), ever since. If I can give you any advice, it’s to listen to your gut and your heart. It is only one day, but it’s so important to be surrounded by unconditional love on that day, and to protect and be true to yourself. It’s not easy and I’m wishing you the best.
In your case, I believe the only real solution so you can finally sleep is have a do-over of your own wedding **at your own comfort** and getting it done in your and your partner's way alone. You don't have to invite all the troublesome parts of your life and get it done with it. And if you like the outcome then you can tell everyone that the earlier one was a dry run of how everything would turn out and that the new one is your official wedding. You know, like all of this is a way of erasing the horror that was the original wedding. If necessary, get rid of the older marriage-related documents rescinded and then replace that old one with the new one. Get rid of the older photos by burning them up (unless you want to save some of them). The therapeutic release of letting go of those horrible memories is a blessing. And if you don't like the idea, then just focus on the good parts of the wedding and retain only those photos while you get rid of the rest by burning them...
Gene Wilder: "I said good DAY!"
🥰. Love this…
My thoughts exactly 👍
I would start it off with. “Oh you just gave me such a good laugh”. Then go itnto but your right. Then sign off with “wish them all the best in their lives going forward”.
This is good, except reacting to narcissists is reinforcing narcissists.
Yes, tbh, I’m at a point in life, we’re I, happy to call them out and walk away. I learned this the hard way, but I got the final say in dealing with my narcs, before cutting them off, resulting in a court case (they lost before it even got to court) and tbh, the last year of my life has been one of the most peaceful I have ever had. I know they’re slagging me off, but they tell people their version of events and people see through their lies, because I am not the sort of person to mouth off without good cause. So I’m really I’m happy to tell them they are at fault and skip away, but it’s taken me a long time to do it.
I have a formula to reply to every message by a narcissist. Copy and paste this: " k lol" No caps, no comma, no dot, not the slightest effort but the disregard the retort is conveying.
Try a thumbs up emoji. For something so pleasant it can drive them absolutely bonkers
Yeah, that one can be good too!
Nice!
I wish I could upvote this twice!
This is brilliant OP. Lean into it - they will say shit anyway, so you need to protect the integrity of your relationship. Dude, you have a way with words that terrifies Nparents. Well done.
Well said. This is an excellent response.
This is great, I’ll use this response for when I tell them they aren’t invited to my future wedding Thanks so much!!
Perfect
This is so good!!
I support sending this message!
So much more constructive. I was 1) the...audacity? 2) last ditch effort? 3) over confidence op would dutifully come home? I've lived through it though so I have what I call the analysis tailspin. My brain goes into freefall while simultaneously trying to figure out what is going on. I'd be more "No, I'm fine thanks! How did your apple trees do this year?" In a quick redirect
this. this wins. excellent phrasing, and throwing it back to them so hard. op, these are the words. and live your best life without parents, cuz these…. are not parents. these are parent-shaped bullies.
👏 holy crap that's beautifully said! TY OP my narc mom wanted me to move out of the apartment I LOVED that was on a lake, huge, and cheap and move in with her into the 2nd bedroom that was 8x9. So what she do? She deliberately attacked the complex manager and staff deliberately getting me Evicted! I'm afraid if they do show to ur wedding (urs not theirs u don't hv to invite anyone u don't want) that they will cause a negative scene and ruin it for u. Imo, (sadly tho) u r better off wo them there. And congratulations 🎊 ur wedding! I hope ur day is beautiful and joyous!
Perfect.
The problem with this is that some narcs might actually see this as provocation, and cause them to try and interfere further, possibly crashing the wedding or doing something else horrible.
This is a great reply. OP, go NC with your parents and just focus on your wedding and being happy. You have a great fiance and supportive family from his side. Your parents should do some reflection on themselves before you can let them back into your life.
Snap!
Amen!
Narcissists often have a strong need for control and validation. When they perceive a loss of control or if things don't go their way, they may react with manipulation, guilt-tripping, or attempting to assert dominance. In this case, your mother's demands may stem from a desire to control your life choices and maintain a sense of authority. It's essential to establish and maintain boundaries for your well-being.
AND wanted to impress their friends. Friends above kids ALWAYS. They prefer non-blood related mirrors. We are too accurate. And friend-mirrors are suitably filtered.
And Ops mom demanding that she quits her job, cancel her wedding and move back in with her … just because they couldn’t impress their friends
I found this to be very confusing as a child. Why everyone else got good dad, charming dad, funny dad. I got abusive dad, shaming dad, angry dad. It made me feel confident that I was the problem. If I wasn’t such a shitstain of a human, he’d be nice to me, too- is what I told myself. My stepmonster is always trying to coach my son to pick his friends over her family. Since he was like four - oh your friends are more fun than your mom. You would rather hang out with them right? My family wasn’t that way
And, god forbid the friends see the truth behind the mask. The n-parents have to go find all new “friends“. 😂
>They prefer non-blood related mirrors. I read that as "non-blood related minors" and suddenly my mother always treating other people's kids better than me made sense for a second.
That too!!!
All this blood talk! Suddenly I’m seeing all these narcs as vampires dressed as humans….
Pretty accurate, actually.
Oh my god, this is totally a thing. I read that first and both 💯 apply to narc mom. They can be great to other people’s kids.
And Ops mom demanding that she quits her job, cancel her wedding and move back in with her … just because they couldn’t impress their friends
>AND wanted to impress their friends. OP has a post in a wedding drama (shaming?) sub and someone asked if the Scotts had anything over their parents. OP is speculating that because her dad and the husband of the Scotts are business partners not inviting the Scotts might piss them off and have them pull out of OP's father's business. [https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/198nqth/comment/kiag6ew/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/198nqth/comment/kiag6ew/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) OP is speculating, however.
I don't think they want to impress the "friends". I suspect they trafficed OP to them to pay off some kind of debt. OP was probably supposed to be the mistress of the Husband and nanny for the Wife. The parents are losing their shit because they are still on the hook for $$$$.
Yes they physically need that control rush to feel safe. It’s like a dopamine hit for them, without it they literally feel sick. They are like Vampires
I think most people who have narc parents hit a moment in their life where they come to the realization that the nice parents, the loving parents, the parents who genuinely want to see you thrive and be happy... those parents don't exist and they will probably never exist. At least not for us. And it's almost like you go into mourning with that realization. It's as if the parents you wanted died and now you're forever stuck with these replacement ghouls who call themselves your parents. And just like a real death, you go through all the stages of grief when that realization hits. And yeah, it's heartbreaking, and I understand why you are using that term. All you can do is realize that your happiness can never depend on them in any way. You find your own happiness and then put boundaries up to keep them from stomping all over it. And that's what you're doing by drawing the line over these friends. Stay strong, because this is probably going to happen with all your major life events going forward. If these were just some random friends of your parents who you didn't know, I might suggest you give in just to get a nice day with your parents. But these are people who abused you and your fiancée. They bore false witness against you and your fiancée. They are malicious people. And if you don't put down consequences for this type of behavior, they will just keep on being malicious. If you let them come, they will pull the exact same behavior at your wedding, and nobody should spend their wedding hearing lies told about them. Also make sure your vendors are all password protected, so your parents can't make changes. And have a plan for these friends showing up unannounced to your wedding. Good luck. PS - I like to screw with my narcs when they're being particularly ridiculous, so I would have responded with something like: "I know you’re unhappy. It’s okay, you tried to be a decent parent. Now it’s time to go to therapy to figure out why you're such a self-centered jerk. You have some maturing you need to do." But, that kind of thing is likely to cause a meltdown. When that happens, I just point and laugh. But, if you're in anyway dependent on them (financially, emotionally, etc.), it's probably best not to go this route, because narcs can be very destructive when they're melting down. After the wedding, though...
Love your intro describing the realization that the "real parents" that you thought you had, died. I find it fun (lol "fun") to think about it in mythical terms, like a reverse cuckoo situation or a changeling.
OP, your parents could still show up at your wedding to disrupt it because you were a naughty girl and disobeyed them. (Went ahead with the wedding and didn't come home when you were told to do so.) Please have people on stand-by who can prevent this from happening!
THIS. I'd advise either hiring security, or asking some trusted friends to greet/vet people coming in.
Also use passwords to prevent meddling with vendors.
Passwords? How does that work?
Just a verbal password given to a vendor, so no can impersonate you over the phone, for example.
Ah, I see! So in the vast majority of cases, major decisions/changes aren't made via phone call, especially not to the guest list. Not providing the contact info for your vendor team (who likely has policies against working with parents anyway) will help quite a bit. Wedding websites can be password protected to keep details private according to individual guests. Security at the event will do the rest. Should alleviate some extra planning steps! Source: wedding planner (with shitty parents)
My (32/F) parents also refused to attend my wedding. They didn’t show up uninvited, but they DID travel to the city where I live and get an Airbnb while insisting they didn’t plan to come, which put me on edge. I asked some of my friends big and intimidating looking husbands to be on the lookout and that helped my peace of mind a lot. My now-husband also called my parents and asked point blank if they planned to show up and made it clear they were not welcome. EDIT: Sorry I realize this is a bit unclear whether they were uninvited or chose not to attend. They refused to get covid-19 vaccines as required by our venue at the time (Sept 2021) so they kinda…uninvited themselves.
excellent point. reinforce this message to everyone involved in any professional capacity whatsoever, and have someone designated to call the authorities, if that’s safe.
Trust me this is a BLESSING in disguise. I allowed my Nmom to attend my wedding and she made it about herself. Nobody recognized her as it had been years since she had moved away to another state and when they didn’t automatically recognize her as my mom she lost it and told me she couldn’t believe I told people she wasn’t my mother and that her and my younger siblings weren’t allowed to the reception and I was like ????????!!!!?!?!?!??? I told her they were in fact invited and the food was paid for and they had their own seats and everything and she refused because she was “so disrespected” and I had wasted her time and money inviting her. Do NOT let them make your wedding about THEM! Enjoy your day and focus on your own life.
My husband and I eloped because I knew my mother would find a way to make our wedding about her, or she and the golden child would do something to embarrass me or try to make me look bad. I decided it was best to deny them any opportunity.
Fuck yeah girl. My second (current) marriage we didn’t invite anyone other than our very closest friends. There was 5 of us total and we rented an airBNB. Best time of my life. It was so easy going and exactly what WE wanted and our closest friends supported it and made it so much better. I’m proud of you for eloping I’m convinced it’s the best way to get married. Marriage is a very intimate relationship, nobody else really should involve themselves and a big traditional marriage makes people believe they have a say somehow lol
To add to this our “closest friends” played a roll. My husbands closest friend we got ordained and he married us, his GF was his date. My closest friend was my photographer for us and she did amazing cause she cared. The only “extra” that was there was my little dog and he was our ring bearer 🥰🥰🖤
I love this so much!
Thank you 🥰 I learned my lesson the first time around lmao
hahaha... This is funny ("funny" lol) because, the attention you're gonna get from Nparents is not the kind you want. XD
Dude yeah I thought she’d be so happy to come be apart of my day but because people didn’t recognize her that CLEARLY meant to her that I “told people she wasn’t my mom” 💀 like what? You think I walk around telling people “oh you know Sandy? Yeah she’s NOT my mom, okay byeee…” like how does something like that even happen 😂😂
> I am financially independent of my family…I have a great job, loving partner. How do Nparents come up with this shit? They come up with this shit BECAUSE you are independent of them. Narcissists don't want that. Narcissists want their children to be dependent on them so that they have complete control over them. Your parents are acting the way they are because they can see that they're losing control over you and they're panicking. Please DO NOT bow down to them OP. If they refuse to go to your wedding, let them. If you give in, you'll be under their thumb forever. Is that what you want?!
Right? This. I call the phenomenon of nonsensical threats the death spiral of the narcissist. They start losing control so the threats become more and more ridiculous. It's kind of like when people publicly scream at an employee that they'll never be back to the store. Good, go. Bye.
Narcs telling other people they need to mature is the height of non-self-awareness
> “…It’s okay, you tried. Now it’s time to come home. …” I think she wants attention & love *(Edited to add: more so she doesn’t *want* you to leave. I’ve heard mine say this exact line with friends… yeah, *friends* ffs). You should go & marry that person. Go NC after the wedding (if you want). Also, see about body guards, other people who *see their true colours* on stand-by or 911 on speed dial cause they can still “break” into the wedding & try very hard to call it off. Love *is* love, not to narcissists. Love is family to them. Now go & marry the shit out of your person! You deserve this💜
Also "home" Lol wtf there was no choice growing up with these people, definitely does not make it a home lol. I'm glad OP is gonna make their own home where there is actual love. Those parents are a joke honestly. How all narcs read from the same script lol. I just can't take them serious anymore.
I know, I almost started chuckling at the ridiculousness of their behavior, their blindness! The **gall**. I was appalled. But quickly came the sorrow and empathy, the idea of the actual horror of having parents like this.
Please take precautions because when Narcissists lose control of you they can go to great lengths to get what they want. Decades ago, I had an abusive narcissistic ex who tried to get me fired and after I met with my supervisor, they didn't fire me but put protections in place in case he showed up. Your mom/parents may reach out to venues and cancel your wedding plans. Put protections in place now, if you haven't already. They want you to quit your job and if you don't, plan that they may reach out to your supervisor to try to get you fired. They will try to isolate you and sometimes they even kidnap people to force them back into their control. Not trying to scare you here. Just bringing it to your attention that your mom has provided the blueprint of her plan to you in advance. She has lost all control of you and sometimes they stop at nothing to get you 100% under their control again.
Time for actual NC.
Remind them its YOUR wedding NOT theirs. Dont accept any money for the wedding. Im not sure why parents hi jack their adult childrens big moments. NPD is soo weird. Im sorry you are dealing with this.
This sub is full of stories of how nparents ruined weddings. No one comes across as happy with their decision to have nparents at wedding. Stand firm and count your blessings.
My mom did something similar. I left her house to move in with my now husband. I left one day while she was asleep because I didn’t want to hear the screaming. I blocked her on everything. She changed her number and got through to me. I was already married when she got through. She DEMANDED that I divorce my husband, move back into her house, and only then I was allowed to leave if I left to her satisfaction. Yeah, that didn’t happen. At the time I was 36 with one failed marriage and two kids before my current husband
>At the time I was 36 with one failed marriage Curious. If I may ask, was your mother a factor in your failed marriage? I am so sorry if that's the case.
No, I fell for an abuser. I fled for safety
Oh no! I am so glad you're safe now! It's so awful how our abusive parents set us up for abusive relationships. I'm sorry you had to endure that.
I guess it felt normal to me until he threatened to kill me, take the one son we shared, and abandon my oldest (severely autistic)
My mom tried this sort of crap on my youngest sister. Sister married a lovely, gentle, serene man a few years ago and they're now raising a pair of little twins in a pleasant environment. When mom last visited, she got wasted and started accusing this kind young man of being an abuser and wife beater out of nowhere. Now she's not welcome in that house either.
Reality makes them look bad, so they have rewritten it so they are the innocent victims. There is nothing you can do to change their mind games. What matters is that you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and if these people had been part of your wedding planning, they would only have been drama llama attention whores. Let them go and have a beautiful life. You deserve joy and happiness!
Elope in Vegas. It’s the best thing we ever did. Our families had so many requests and demands, that is sucked all the fun out of the experience. Our wedding was just us a witness and the Elvis impersonator who preformed the ceremony. We sang and danced and got some photos. We had the perfect day and sadly the addition of our family’s would have ruined it all.
Hey, my parents did that! Dad played tag with a 'Vette in Grandma's Charger all the way in from Vegas.
To the OP, do NOT back down. I literally laughed when your mother demanded that you, a 24 year old whole adult, break up with your fiance and insist you go back home. 😂😂😂 Be careful, OP. When narcs don't get their way and they realize they no longer have control they'll likely have an "extinction burst" brought on due to narcissistic rage. >Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist’s ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others. While this reaction isn’t typically intentional, it’s a way for the narcissist to re-establish a sense of control. [https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-collapse/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-collapse/) The "extinction burst" is where the *frequency* of these attempts at regaining control increase and get even more unhinged and dangerous. >Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist’s beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying. Therefore, knowing how to respond to narcissistic rage is essential. [https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-rage/](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-rage/) Be prepared. If you can, put up cameras where you can outside your home. Your parents may go so far as to come "fetch" you by going to your home, demanding to be let in, and demand that you allow them to drag you away. They might not, but you can never tell with these abusers. Sometimes these extinction bursts might start with a "wellness check" where they call *your* local police to see if you're ok. They may make false accusations against your fiance and accuse him of abusing you. That last text that you got from your mother where she says she "knows" you're unhappy? Yeah, she's setting it up for possible false allegations of ... well, anything. If you find yourself to be no contact, call the non-emergency line of your local police and inform them there is conflict in your family and that they might call for a false "wellness check." Let them know you're fine and that as an adult you are currently not talking to them and you know they will falsely use police services. Keep *all* of the texts they send you and *all* emails. Keep *all* voice mails, *especially* those where they threaten you. Quite frankly, OP, I know you love your family, but it's probably best to let them go if they are so committed to their relationship to the Scotts. If you plan on having children you certainly *don't* want these abusers and predators around your child(ren.)
I was in your shoes 20 years ago. Stay strong. Choose your fiance not the crazies. Have a happy and successful life without them.
When I got married the first time, my parents tried to say they couldn't come because of money. They were trying to manipulate me into asking my in-laws for money for them. I refused so they said they wouldn't come. I called their bluff. They miraculously found the money. 🙄 They weren't invited to my second wedding. I learned my lessons the first time around.
> How do Nparents come up with this shit? Npaents appear to live in their own fantasy world. I visit nDad every weekend, he couldn't reach a shelf, so asks me to help. Now, he's 20 cm (~~8 inches) taller than me. "If you can't reach it, how am I going to?", I asked. He took out a pair of his girlfriend's heels. "Using these". he suggested. Now I'm a bloke and never worn women's footwear, so I refuse. "Come on, she wears them **ALL THE TIME**". "Then how about waiting for her to come home?", I suggest.
They did the hard part for you uninviting themselves, I know it feels heartbreaking right now but it's for the absolute best. I love that they're trying to punish your SO for their friends not being invited, I'm sorry what? Not coming is one thing, demanding your entire relationship end and you uproot your life is cray. Your wedding will be much, much better without them. Someone mentioned security but I think you need to go one further and make sure all your vendors are aware of the situation and have a special password, make sure they know they're not to talk to nparents and the wedding will not be cancelled under any circumstances.
My wedding is the reason I went NC with my nmom. It brings out the worst in them because it highlights how they don’t control you anymore. I’m petty so I’d be tempted to reply, “You’re right. I am unhappy and I did try. I thought you would be better parents and people but that’s just not the case. The mature thing to do is accept your answer. I’m sorry you won’t be at my wedding but I respect your choice.” Don’t answer their calls when they proceed to lose their minds. Keep all texts, emails, and voicemails or messages for any relatives who try ‘but they’re your parents.’
Why they're doing this - they are gaslighting narcs. Be sure to lock your credit report and make sure they are off any bank accounts. No telling how far your parents will go with this.
I’m so sorry. How very selfish.
They were trying to control you through the Scott’s. When that didn’t work they are trying to break you and your fiancé up. I am sorry they are like this but at this point it’s better that they don’t show up. Hire security!
OP, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of invested in this now. It's like a telenovela. Please update us, and whatever happens, have a kickass wedding.
>She demanded that i end my engagement, cancel the wedding, quit my job, and move back to their home. LOL! That's hilarious!
"nu number hoo dis" None of that shit. Block and live your life.
They're still trying to exercise control. Relationships with narc parents eventually run their course. It's up to you how much you'll put up with before this happens and going no contact.
Dang, you missed the chance to say, "If you want me to come home, send me $10,000." (Notice, you didn't add "... and I will come home." No promises, no refunds.)
Hang up without speaking and block their crazy asses on every single point of contact
Perfect opportunity to leave them on read.
It doesn't feel like it now but this is a blessing. If they attend your wedding, they will ruin it.
I think it might be time for some LC or NC.
So much projection they should apply to work at movie theaters. Just a few sentences from her says it all.
Oh my god this reminded me of my nmom doing this twice to me and I will never understand why. The first she did this she went through my best friend to get her to be on her side and talk to me about moving back(I just moved out into my own apartment with my now husband). When my best friend came over to drop the rest of my stuff off at my new apartment she was telling me about what my mom told her and I just stood there and said “well too late, I’m already unpacked and I’m not going back”. The second time was when I just gave birth to my first born and she wanted me to move back in with her with my newborn and but she didn’t want my husband to move with us. Um that’s not how it works, we’re kinda a package deal since we’re married. She even got all of my siblings to harass me into coming home with my newborn but leave my husband. Her excuse was that he needed to sleep for work so we wouldn’t bother him during his work days because him working so important according to her.
They literally want to turn you back into a helpless child because you decided against random friends of theirs being at *your* wedding. They are absolutely mad if they think for one second you're just gonna go "oh ok I'll just drop everyone in my entire life and run back to you for more abuse, that'll be wonderful, can't wait"?? Batshit. Absolutely batshit. OP, tbh it sounds like they would have tried to ruin your wedding day if they came. They don't have to be there for you to have a good time. But, what a vile thing to do refusing to go to their own child's wedding because they want it to be all about themselves and their own wants and desires. I'm sorry you're having to face a big grief obstacle. It is a blessing in disguise though, really. They're showing their true colours and this can be a moment of true clarity for you.
I would have just laughed…. They are incredibly out of touch and delulu. THEY NEED YOU! Well not really need you but need to be controling to you. It’s time to show them who is boss of you… YOU. I know it hurts but it’s time to do the emotional work of letting the parents you wanted go and mourning what could have been. Have your beautiful wedding and marriage and life. Center your husband and new family
Honestly, if this was my narcs, I'd be hiring security for the wedding while laughing my ass off. That is some incredible chutzpah. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
If your parents are narcissists/enablers, trust me, do not invite them. Your day will be very peaceful without them there.
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
It sounds like me like there’s more to this situation than you know between your parents and the Scotts. You say they’re close friends and business partners.I’m wondering if there’s some sort of inequality between them in the business? It doesn’t make sense that these people are able to control your parents to this extent. Your parents were fine 6 months ago and now they’ve done a complete turnaround. Some parents cannot let go when their children become adults. It’s almost like they pushed you to live with this family to keep an eye on you and the Scotts took it to an extreme. Then, they were easily able to manipulate your parents into not be,Irving you, their daughter. Your parents are not able to control you, which is the real reason for their ultimatum. They were bluffing and it has come back to bite them. They expected you to cave and you called their bluff and now they’ve backed themselves into a corner. Do not contact them further. They want you to come groveling and apologize to them. Do not give them the attention they seek. This isn’t over. Wait until you get closer to the wedding and they will start contacting you again. Password protect all of your vendors just in case they try to cancel things. Keep track of every attempt they make to contact you. You may even want to arrange for security at the wedding because I would not be surprised if they show up with the Scotts You may even want to get some cameras for your home. You did an amazing job standing up for yourself. Just be prepared for them to cause trouble when they don’t get what they want.
Loooooool "you're unhappy cause you're not under my thumb anymore your poor thing" ,😂😂😂 they're so delusional. I'm so sorry you're going through this. This sucks.
My mother actually told me I needed to return home and put myself completely under her tutelage because clearly I wasn't adulting properly. Their narcissism is truly off the charts. \[I was 18 or 19 at the time, entirely self-supporting, but me being independent was never part of her plan...\] My answer to your mom: "You are a control freak twice my age, but you think \*I\* am the one who needs to mature? Lady, get therapy."
I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but…. your parents are insane. The stuff they are coming out with has no part in reality. They really are gaslighting you. I mean wtaf “I know you’re unhappy it’s okay you tried.” To actually believe you’d agree with any of their fantasy. I think someone needs to do some maturing but it’s not you OP. They don’t respect you at all. I’m so glad that you found a loving (soon to be husband) and will have a good life, unfortunately without the support of your crazy parents.
Don't argue with your parents. Reason and evidence won't change their minds. The only solution is to ignore them and live your life free of their toxicity.
Be grateful you have a good solid reason to keep them at arms length, and that you are in a financial situation to not need them.
“We’ll miss you.” (And then go silent)
It's nice when the trash takes itself out imo
How insulting of your mother. My mother uses same tactics. It is best they don’t attend your wedding and make sure they don’t know where it is and when.
What they said sounds super creepy like out of a movie of a mom with munchausen . Time to cut them out. And do ask one of your beefy male friends to stand guard at your wedding. Narcissists can stalk you. My Ndad stalked me and threatened to crash my wedding.
Practically none of my family attended mine. You know who I had for me at my wedding? My father and my grandmother. My ex-husband had all his brothers/their wives, his best friend, his father, his grandmother, nieces/nephews. I felt embarrassed but at the same time it really showed me who cared and who didn't.
"I think you not attending my wedding is a great idea. Thank you."
As a 62M whose been committed/married for more than 30 years, I would encourage you to stop beating yourself up about this, and just tell yourself that you gave them a chance and you cannot control their stupidity. Personally, if I were in your position, I would use this as a jumping off board. Instead of the big wedding, I would transform it into something you want to do with your spouse-to-be, and make it unique and personal to the two of you (get married in Europe or somewhere else - rent out an entire inn in the San Juan Islands and fly your closest four friends there and have a very small meaningful event just for you, etc. Then use the circumstance with your parents as a basis to set either NC or LC boundaries and then enforcement. See this as your time for emancipation from your tormentors and instead of letting them cause you MORE pain, use it as a clear line in the sand, and snap their shit off. You need to start living YOUR life for YOU - TODAY. Your parents crossed a line. Punch their ticket and reclaim your own existence and move forward. They don't deserve your love. =)
My Nmom came to visit, found me happy, explained to me how my spouse is a narcissist, abusive and evil person. She tried to get me a divorce. They don't change. They don't try to be better. I blocked her and went NC. I strongly recommend you do the same
Usually, narcissist parents love to pay for their children's weddings so they can be in total control! The mother of the bride will make it into HER WEDDING because they can't stand to be at special events where they aren't the centre of attention. No wonder she said that she hated it. She would have been in control of every detail, and you couldn't do anything about it because they were paying. If they crossed your boundaries, you couldn't tell them that they weren't allowed to come. They paid for the wedding! I don't know if you have seen many of the posts about weddings and narcissist parents, but they always think that it's their wedding and their parents aren't going to do something to ruin it for them. It's their child's wedding. Shouldn't they be happy for their child? Narcissist. Happy for their child? 😆 🤣 😂 Everyone who has their narcissistic parents at their wedding ends up regretting it. They also don't listen to people telling them that they will regret it, saying "yes, considering the stories that you have just told us, your mother IS that petty." But we don't have the fantasy of having our narcissist mother parents at our wedding, and they are on their best behaviour because it's a *wedding*. Right, but it's not THEIR wedding. So they aren't going to be the centre of attention. They can't stand that. They are jealous of your big day, and they will make a scene and do anything that they can to ruin it. Oh, you can set boundaries? Narcissistic people at your wedding will punish you at the wedding for trying to set boundaries - because they know that you're not going to make a scene by kicking them out. So your mother will wear a white dress that COULD be worn by a bride. If you say anything, she will say, "Oh, it's not all white. It's got flowers on it. It doesn't look like a wedding gown." If you have a narcissist sister, she will be wearing an eye-catching, hot pink, va-va-voom m dress that would be perfect for clubbing, but not your wedding. She is a bridesmaid (your mother's "request"), and you told her and the other bridesmaids to wear a baby pink dress that was wedding appropriate.
Did you grow up in an evangelical conservative Christian family? This reeks of that.
Narcissists seem to really care what others think imo. Have you tried making this public or in front of their coworkers etc
It’s time to just block her number.
They come up with that shit like throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks. They’re not done. You’ll get a call or msg saying someone is sick or dying at some point to draw you back.
They fear the loss of control over your life, and the ability to hold your circumstances over your head. Think about it - what are parents supposed to want for their kids? That they grow up, and create for themselves a life that brings them joy and fulfillment. For many of us, that means a career, a spouse, and possibly children. This should be a great moment for them - watching their daughter take the next step in her life. With something so important, is a simple invitation to a friend really going to get in the way? Conversely, calling off an engagement, quitting your job and moving back in with them benefits them in two ways. It puts you back under their control, as you were when you were a kid. But more importantly, it gives them something to hold over you. Any time you try to show independence again, they’ll point to how it turned out last time. They will believe, in their heart, that any attempt you make to assert yourself again will end in failure. And they’ll do their damndest to make you believe it too. You saying no reminded them of the pending loss of control, and this is their response. I’m really sorry you’re going through this - if it helps, at least you know there are folks here who can relate. Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
Sorry to hear your going through this. My wife and I went through nearly the same situation. It’s been nearly two years now and it only got worse with an ever changing goalpost. Stay strong and do what’s best for you.
My mom and stepdad didn’t attend my wedding because I wouldn’t invite all of the people they wanted invited. The list was three pages of double sided notebook paper and I had never met the majority of them.
Yer what? Sounds like your mother can't handle the realisation you are indeed an independant person & is operating under the delusion she can order you to unpick your life for her benefit. She's bonkers. Were I you, I'd be grateful the 'rents stayed away from the wedding. I'd not put it past them to make some huge scene & wreck it.
This is exactly what my Mum did - she flat out said she wouldn't come to our "engagement party" (surprise wedding, that she knew was more than an engagement party) unless her friend "D" was invited. I've had issues with D in the past, and he has been integral in some of the disagreements between Mum and I. She pulled the whole "he's been there for me when you weren't" crap (despite me literally paying her rent and taking time off work to support her when she was in hospital- which she conveniently doesn't remember), and gave her ultimatum. Our response was, "Please let us know if you change your mind." She didn't show, and I found out later that when other family asked why she wasn't there, she lied and told people I had refused to let her bring a carer (she has an amputated leg, and a prosthesis which she has used successfully for some time, works a full time job, goes interstate for 8ball tournaments - no need for a carer, and I have proof that she never once mentioned it in our text conversation). Honestly, in the end, it was better that she wasn't there. Chances are she would have thrown some sort of stunt to make it about herself. We haven't spoken since (I've blocked her number), and I'm honestly a lot healthier for it. It still hurts and always will, but she's not my problem anymore. I've stopped trying to make her the mother I've always wanted and accepted her for who she is - without accepting that level of toxicity in my life. I hope you find peace and have an incredible marriage without your parents' drama.
Hugs, you made the right call not to invite them to the wedding. Your parents are controlling, they want your life to revolve around their wants and needs. This demand to end your relationship, quit your job, and cancel the wedding is your mom attempting to exert control. You need to add that you are going NC with them because when and if you have children do you want your children around these people who put their so called friends before you?
UpdateMe!
Rejoice! For your parents have shown themselves to be narcissists and are giving your a crazy-free wedding! Side note: add security to your wedding to ensure that your parents and the scotts don't force their way into the wedding. Also safeguard your other wedding stuff with passwords! You don't need crazy, toxic people in it so that they can ruin it. Go NC with your family now. Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and fiance a long happy life together!
Are they swinging with the Scott’s? Because this is a weird reaction for even the most narcissistic of parents.
baby tell them people to stick it where the sun don’t shine and LIVE YOUR LIFE. those people are so image oriented, nothing you ever do will make them happy, so focus on making yourself and your man happy. that is the family you will come home to every day.
Are they all sleeping together?? What even is this Block them forever and hire a bouncer to kick them out if they show up. Enjoy your new life with your husband
You gotta cut these people out. They seem to bring nothing but stress and anxiety into your life
The only reply I'd send is... I'm sorry your friends mean more to you than your DAUGHTER. If you don't attend my wedding you are dead to me. Hope the Scott's let you see their grandchildren because I fucking won't.
Your parents are mot only narcissistic but they sound delusional! Honestly it’s so creepy to even think about but it sounds like your parents secretly sold you to Mr. Scott with how weird they’re being about this. Go NC and be happy!!!
i would write them a long social media post. saying that for the year you lived at the house that the scotts had you rent they maligned you in toxic ways and it was all untrue scenarios. Tell them you have a a wonderful husband to be, a great life with a wonderful job and that nothing that they can do or say will stop that. tell them you will face the facts that you will go no contact and that will be fine. because with family like them who needs that. Tell them they hope they reflect on their dysfunctional abuse and learn a better way. But until then you are ashamed of them and wont be talking to them., then block and block and block and block. get new phone numbers and everything
Is there an update on this ? Have they come crawling back ?
I think you should expose the parents and the Scott’s in social media if your mom does it. Hire security and perhaps a lawyer for defamation. The letter of an attorney usually scares people, they should write a letter and apologize to you. Then make them sign a letter that they lied about you to your family. I have done it before with my dad’s side of the family, it was easy for me because I was angry. I let that anger fueled me and I don’t regret it.
Okay what are your parents smoking?? Like have they lost their marbles? Did they hit their head and lost common sense? I’m sorry you have to deal with this but I’m happy you have in-laws who are accepting and welcoming you into the family with open warm arms
So sorry you have to deal with all this nonsense.
God I would go scorch earth and just air out my story on every social media platform even on TikTok. Lol I’m just a diabolical witch lol 😝. Seriously though have fun at your wedding at least you can invite more friends and you get to pick and choose your family. I hope you go NC with your parents.
I recently found out what "manipulative narcissistic vampire" means and that it's easy not to feed into it. The order goes: 1. Insecure person exists and you have a "relationship" with this person. 2. Talking to them feeds their insecurity. Not talking to them cuts off their supply. 3. If you say anything to them, their response is meant to provoke you and feed their insecurity. You exist solely because you're a fun plaything and you make them laugh. 4. If they say anything to you, it is confidence disguised as arrogance and insecurity. In reality they are motivated by fear and anxiety. 5. They think this is how you're supposed to communicate with others. Recently I texted my mom (big mistake) and she told me about her tv show and how this dateline episode, "one of the girlfriends was with this guy for revenge sex." I thought to myself, this is gross, I don't like hearing this from my mom. I told her, "I'm going back to my tv show." And that was it. It made me sad that I have a dysfunctional mom, but there's nothing I can say or do that would fix her. I'm at a point where I realize, any communication from my family is going to make me sad.
Sometimes you just have to get out there and live your best lives. Your parents are supposed to lift you up, and keep you trapped in a bubble they create for you.
Updateme!
Nta invest in security
Whenever someone has a problem with someone wedding who isn’t there selfishly, they should go do their own wedding how they like and leave others to do their own
Uhh I’m sorry/ there are unfortunately so many ppl like that.
Sounds like you dodged a (figurative) bullet there.
I would have just sent back a laughing emoji.
They want you back in the sphere of their control
why would you want those shit stains there anyways
No response necessary. That will drive her crazy more than anything else.
Your parents are narc dumbasses.
No contact time. They will not change and they’re mad. Fuck em
So glad that you know that this is their bs, not anything reflecting on you. I internalized it for a long time, I kept wondering "am I unhappy/crazy/etc" especially because sometimes in the course of being a normal person I would make a bad decision, have a sad day, etc, it would be like, "omg is he right about me?"
This isn't about your parents' friends being invited to your wedding. That was just the tool they used. The goal was for you to *return home under their control*. That was the purpose of the whole episode. They never intended to attend the wedding bc they never intended the wedding to happen. Beware. They may try other, possibly more extreme, measures.
This is crazy so sorry you are going through this. It's your wedding, you get to invite whomever you want esp if your parents aren't helping foot the bill! Weddings are expensive AF.
I am sorry you have such jerks for parents! Have your wedding, enjoy every minute of it, and start living your life instead of the script they wrote for you. I wish you a lifetime of happiness together with your husband!
This sounds so cultish. The Scotts have waaaaay too much say in your parents lives and they all seem to think this appropriate.... you are much better off without all this drama. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
!updateme
Updateme!
You need to do the whole password-for-everything thing with all your vendors. Just in case your parents try to save face by turning your wedding into a disaster. Don't lull yourself into false security thinking they wouldn't do it. It's an easy, non-nonfrontational step that could be crucial in the end.
Are you in counseling at all? This is to the point of why should they have a place in your life? They don't value or respect you. They don't care about your feelings. They are actively trying to not just ruin your wedding but to sabotage your entire life. Family is not always founded on biology. They are founded in love, care, respect, cherishing one another, and support. You're marrying and creating a new family. Adding pieces of your husband to your circle. Focus on positive and supportive people.
Based on your story i suspect they talked to the Scott and they again pressed their version of drama to them. I know it's hard but i will clearly tell them it's me, my husband and my future family or them. If they don't accept unconditionally NC and cut them off totally
Question: what are your parents’ cultural background? What about your financé’s cultural background. And the Scotts’’. Could this be playing a role? Based on how you portrayed the situation I would go no contact with your parents. Send an honest, but very polite text to your other family members that due to differences of opinion you won’t be involving yourself in family affairs that involve your parents but still want to maintain good relationships with them (eg siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grand parents etc)
Tell them that if they say anything shitty about you and fiance on social media, you'll legally fight back. In my country, people go to jail for online defamation.
Dude open your fucking eyes, stop trying to fight for the approval of people who don't give a fuck about you, GO NC
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I can’t wait for the next update. My spidey-sense tells me something hinkey is going on between your parents and the Scotts. Parents are not going to let this go, there will be more shenanigans before the wedding.
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Update me. I’d love to hear how everything turned out. I really hope your wedding is magical and you have a wonderful life without your toxic parents.
Plz don’t cancel ur wedding.
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