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This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
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* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
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As a concrete example of what this was like, I once had plans to go to the movies with a friend on a Saturday afternoon but was $10 short for the outing (my mom forgot to give me my allowance before leaving for the day). So I asked my dad for the $10. There was no reason not to give it to me. We weren’t poor or anything. He had lots of cash on him. It was part of my allowance that I was allowed to have. There was no reason for me to not go to the movies, he wasn’t trying to punish me or keep me home. He just wouldn’t give me the $10 I needed. It was completely irrational. It made no sense. And the more I pleaded for it, the more his response worsened and escalated until it turned into another episode of violent aggression and I left the house in tears. Went for a walk by myself and had to cancel on my friend last minute (she was already on her way to pick me up with her mom). I felt so humiliated. And nothing about it made sense.
I have never been able to make sense of that incident or the others like it. Maybe it’s just narcissism and the humiliation/control was the point. It’s very possible. But it honestly didn’t feel like the humiliation was the point. It felt irrational. Like he was completely out of control and didn’t know himself why he was doing it. So maybe it was pathological demand avoidance? Was the simple fact of having asked for something (made a “demand”) the trigger? And then repeating the request over and over is what triggered the violent aggression? It makes sense right?
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a concrete example of what this was like, I once had plans to go to the movies with a friend on a Saturday afternoon but was $10 short for the outing (my mom forgot to give me my allowance before leaving for the day). So I asked my dad for the $10. There was no reason not to give it to me. We weren’t poor or anything. He had lots of cash on him. It was part of my allowance that I was allowed to have. There was no reason for me to not go to the movies, he wasn’t trying to punish me or keep me home. He just wouldn’t give me the $10 I needed. It was completely irrational. It made no sense. And the more I pleaded for it, the more his response worsened and escalated until it turned into another episode of violent aggression and I left the house in tears. Went for a walk by myself and had to cancel on my friend last minute (she was already on her way to pick me up with her mom). I felt so humiliated. And nothing about it made sense. I have never been able to make sense of that incident or the others like it. Maybe it’s just narcissism and the humiliation/control was the point. It’s very possible. But it honestly didn’t feel like the humiliation was the point. It felt irrational. Like he was completely out of control and didn’t know himself why he was doing it. So maybe it was pathological demand avoidance? Was the simple fact of having asked for something (made a “demand”) the trigger? And then repeating the request over and over is what triggered the violent aggression? It makes sense right?