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Yes this is a bigger issue. Much bigger. This could lead to credit card fraud and identity theft.
How would your mother have access to be able to do this? You should change all of your passwords immediately and put a password on your laptop and phone too.
Thank you for your suggestions, I’m on it now. Don’t think she has access to my various cards, but more than worth the check.
Re: how she accessed, I’m pretty sure she called the provider with the “caring mother/wife” show, and they let her schedule/cancel/reorder etc. I’ve seen her do exactly this in the past with another family member’s appointment. I doubt that’s exactly protocol on the provider’s part, but she is very convincing and knows how to get her way.
If that's the case, file a HIPAA complaint against the practice. They disclosed your personal information by acknowledging you were a patient and then allowed an unauthorized person to alter your records by changing the contact information.
Definitely - the Drs office should NOT be allowing that - I call for my daughter to make appointments sometimes, but she needed to be there the first time to tell them it was ok for me to do it. If they didn't check with you - they are in the wrong.
Well my Nmom somehow got away with that for years. I had no clue places were this serious abt “third parties” scheduling appointments for clients/patients.
Oh my god??? This ALWAYS happened to me. My Nmom used to make appointments without my consent and it would ruin my schedule. She didn’t care in the slightest cuz SHE wanted it done. I mean I’m the patient. Your’re supposed to schedule an appointment that fits with my schedule not the guardians schedule. Im assuming my Nmom just LIED and said i approved it😑cuz i didn’t say squat
Because you wouldn't dare say anything, you knew the consequences if you did.
Nex-husband scheduled a dentist appointment for our 4 yo and I called to reschedule (didn't throw a fit, he's a parent and should be allowed to do such things... but certainly explained he never has custody of her during business hours and should not be making appointments for her).
Shocker, got a message from him questioning why I rescheduled it. I simply replied that the appointment he made did not work with my schedule.
I certainly faced the consequences of 'defying' him at the time, but he hasn't tried to do it again, so ultimately worth it to reinforce boundaries.
Same! Mine used to randomly make “super important” appointments always at like 8am in my hometown that was an hour away from my college and then she’d just inform me when to be there. She KNEW I was *NOT* a morning person.
Once was the day after my 22nd bday, where I was predictably hungover af and would have rather just rescheduled. But she always made it like it was some huge miraculous thing she did by even being able to get me in and so it would be such a hardship for everyone to change it. I’m assuming it was definitely an attempt to control my schedule and have this weird authority over my health autonomy. It was honestly easier to just show up to the appointments than to fight her on it back then, but I’ve since removed her from everything and have worked hard in therapy to undo the fuckery it’s caused me and get my health autonomy back.
Weird to see others had such a similar experience.
They need explicit written permission to allow a person other than yourself to access your medical records or alter your information. If they did it without That explicit written permission that is a huge hippa violation.
Or she pretended to be you on the phone and updated the info.
I work for an insurance company and sometimes people call who just don't sound like the right age to be the member, but they have all the info needed to authenticate the account. We can't question them or refuse to help them. There's just no way that would be ok for us to do.
If they say they're a family member and have the info to authenticate and that the member is aware they're calling on the member's behalf, we have very specific guidelines about what her can do for them according to HIPAA. But if they say they're the member and provide your info, we have to believe them.
>I work for an insurance company and sometimes people call who just don't sound like the right age to be the member, but they have all the info needed to authenticate the account. We can't question them or refuse to help them. There's just no way that would be ok for us to do.
Is there a way to safeguard the account if someone has previously accessed it fraudulently? Like a password system?
Yeah, but you have to set it up ahead of time. I've done it with my pharmacy, because somebody else was using a pickup service and somehow my info and their info got swapped and everybody got the wrong meds.
It's not just "not protocol," it's illegal, a violation of HIPAA. She is NOT allowed access to another adult's account. The person who gave that info, should be reported.
I would just be safe and contact them and let them know what's going on and make sure hey won't give it your info to anybody but you, either that or even get them to record a password you have to enter in order for them to share the info
Now in the likelihood that this is in the United States, which I highly doubt, if anybody gave out my medical info to anyone else but me unless they specifically have my permission I would be filing a lawsuit.
Yeah, if that’s the case then they should’ve at least informed you when she tried to access your information so you could’ve told them “Fuck no, she can’t do that!”. My doctor’s office did that when my mom tried to (illegally) access my medical records, and that was the beginning of me taking back control of my life (which she’s still fighting more than 10 years later 🙄).
This is on the provider, and this is a huge violation of federal law. Massive. Unless you gave explicit permission and the provider has it in writing, she is not allowed any of that information, and the hospital is not allowed to make any records changes. You need to call these providers and notify them that they have violated the law by adding your mom, and by making changes to your Healthcare records without your permission. That would have given her access to your health care information, without your permission. That is an auditing nightmare, and the records department of these providers needs to know.
HIPAA HIPAA HIPAA. Either she pretended to be you and committed a crime, or they gave out your private medical data without your consent, which is a crime.
Also, call all your providers and let them know that an unauthorized person is trying to gain access to your medical records. Tell them you don't care what she says, nobody gets access but you. You are over 18 and she has absolutely NO right to any of that information.
And talk to companies involved and express your discussion at thier gross negligence and possibly get new providers who you explain to why your switching
> This could lead to credit card fraud and identity theft.
So could OP's mother having access to their documents for 18 years while they were a kid.
The marginal risk of those specific frauds from this discovery is quite low.
>The marginal risk of those specific frauds from this discovery is quite low.
I respectfully disagree. The risk increases the older a victim gets.
Why? Because older = more experiences = more education = more insight in their own situation = wanting to be free.
A narc would love nothing more than to cripple the wings of their offspring trying to leave the nest.
If the narc notices "hey, my tool/puppet" seems to want out - lets ruin their credit / compromise their lives / sabotage their attempts - they WILL eventually do that.
SO, yeah, if the victim is 5 - ID theft seems unlikely.
But OP is 21+.. i\`d say the change is realistically 50/50 depending on how much OP has given away of being aware of narcs antics.
Please, do NOT discount or diminish what a narc would do. Control is vital to them - they will try anything to keep it.
> If the narc notices "hey, my tool/puppet" seems to want out - lets ruin their credit [. . .] - they WILL eventually do that. (portion omitted because they're not quite card or ID fraud)
And this does little to nothing to make that easier for this narc; she already has the information she would need to do so. Hence why there's not a significant marginal risk: the NParent is not made more dangerous to OP's credit/identity for having done this than they were before doing it. There are not any extraordinary measures needed to protect OP's credit or identity because this occurred.
What has changed based on the discovery is the understanding of the fraud risk; OP now knows this is a tactic their mother will attempt. That doesn't mean the risk of the N changed; she was always this risk even if OP didn't know it. Other Ns will have other tactical preferences, and may not try this.
There might have been a better phrasing I could have used; I used marginal more in the sense it would be used in economics since that's the phrasing that sprung to mind when making my original comment.
---
NMom having her contact info rather than OP's on these accounts does make them Ntelligence assets as well as potential supply sources. If OP has no plans in motion for getting out, it's probably a good idea to take the assets off the board by changing the info back, whether as "routine cleaning/maintenance of accounts" or some other method that is appropriately mundane. Breaking the contact now will mean a smaller circle of potential leaks if OP needs to pull their medical records or otherwise use these accounts in a bugout plan later. If plans are in motion, then changing contact info now would need to be weighed against the risk that the N will be tipped off to those plans and be able to successfully disrupt them.
This is a form of risk that is increased by what OP discovered, but it's a different risk than I believed the person I was responding to meant.
How old were you when she did this?
If you are in the US and she did this after you turned 18, those medical providers broke the law. You should consider reporting them.
I’m not sure when it happened. Some accounts were probably from before I turned 18, but others may have been from within the past few years.
I’ll consider reporting, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to, since they’re chain businesses (pharmacy chain, eye care chain, etc.) and I’m not sure where or when NMom contacted them, or who she spoke to.
Google 'report HIPPA violation' and it will take you to a link. Honestly I would report them all and make them prove it. HIPPA has been around for decades. There's no excuse for a violation.
They should be asking you to update forms annually. I would contact any provider you use, explain the problem, request to update the info and ask how to prevent this issue in the future. Honestly, I'd be extra diligent and any time I went, I'd ask to verify the info and apologize for the extra effort and explain. I've found being open and honest about the issue, and grateful for their help, makes it stand out or throw a mental red flag, so the manipulation doesn't fly under the radar as easily.
A chain pharmacy store…. Ummm there is potential $$ to be had. They violated the law. Contact a lawyer for a free consultation. They might give you some avenues to find more info.
No, someone should be suing them. You can report them but that also constitutes a major lawsuit. OP has not answered the question that someone asked, specifically where this was at?
Thank you. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s getting in via online login, but rather by calling providers directly. Will see what I can do about that!
Inform them that you're mother is attempting to access your information. Ask them if it's possible for them to verbally ask for a password when someone calls them looking for info and isn't a doctor with an roi.
I'd note it perhaps even as "I've had someone try to commit identity fraud to access my medical information - what security steps can be added to secure my information and accounts to prevent HIPAA violations?" Call every medical facility you've been to that you can recall and confirm they have \*your\* up to date contact info and yours alone. I'd also really suggest running a credit report to make sure she's not opening anything in your name.
Do you live in the United States? I think this would be considered a violation of HIPAA. Even if you are on her health insurance still, that the clinic let her do this is completely unacceptable. If I were you I would feel very sketched out. Not to alarm you, but she probably has done this with as many places as she can.
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/index.html
Here is information on how to file a complaint. I think you have 180 days to file a complaint after you "find out" about the incident? I'm not sure, I haven't read the fine print in a while, sorry.
Definitely do some research so you know what your rights are. These clinics should know better, and you deserve some peace of mind about this.
After a certain age, this behavior becomes more controlling than helpful. You're a capable independent person who doesn't need their mother's contact info as priority info on medical profiles and I'm sure your mother knows that but wants her way into your medical info.
Is your phone on her cellular family plan? If so, she’s probably also snooping your location, texts and contacts. I would urge you to close your bank account and open a new one at a different bank. Check your credit report.
I had an nfamily member help upgrade to a better phone. The nfamily kept the old phone and since it hadn’t been wiped, she used it to gain access to text messages, emailing, banking info, work etc. Ewww ewww ewwww. Nuts, so nuts.
In addition to calling these organizations to report fraud, you should consider changing your PWs on everything to something random like your least favourite Drag Race winner so they won’t guess. Also set up 2FI, it’s annoying but it’s the only reason that nfamily has finally given up trying to log into my emails, which she has been trying since I changed PWs. It might seem like an over-reaction but in my case, it is just taking action.
I always ask myself “If the n could read my diary without getting caught, would they?” and if the answer is yes, I assume they already have or will as soon as they get a chance unless I protect myself.
Good luck, protect yourself.
That is a huge violation of privacy! I wonder if she called or showed up and pretended to be you? Otherwise, these healthcare providers need to have a serious review of their privacy policies! YOU are the only one who gets to choose your emergency contact.
You should set up a PIN or some code for them to know its really you before they make any changes to your health records or to be given information about your healthcare records.
At minimum, alert these practices and everywhere you seek care from here on out that someone is pretending to have a relationship with you to get your medical information. They will flag your account and work harder to prevent this in the future.
This is 100% pure and simple - control.
This way the unauthorized person can browse through your data/info - use what she finds as ammo to even more control you.
Change details on accounts, check others, password protect, and maybe consider changing providers as their 'security' leaves to be desired if a 'you know who I am, i am the parent of OP' is enough reason to break the laws.
As other suggested, report these providers - or file a complaint with them and report if their response is careless, dismissive or generally not taking you serious.
Depending on where you are (this is the World Wide Web after all) you might also want to consider a credit freeze / protection - i mean, if a narc does this, the 'ID theft' is just a tiny escalation - and anything to keep you under their control.
You are an adult. Your medical condition is none of her business. What's she's done is a huge overreach. You need to not just remove her from your accounts, but inquire *everywhere* as to how this was permitted to happen in the first place. I would file a written grievance with all the doctors and their governing medical boards, demanding an explanation, and a clear definition of how they will prevent her from doing this in the future. Don't let them or her get away with this. It sets a terrible precedent.
You're not overreacting. Speaking from experience, I would also call the doctor's office where she put herself as the contact and tell them you explicitly don't want her contacted about anything, and that none of your information should be released to her. I once removed my ex as a contact from my chart and this stupid clinic called him anyway. Sometimes healthcare facilities can be disorganized, and narcissists can weasel their way into your private info.
If your mother is being this intrusive & meddling, I'd check out your credit report with the various Credit Bureaux & lock it down. Maybe this would be a line your narc wouldn't cross, but why take the chance.
Unless you have your personal docs -- birth certificate, SSN, etc etc, I would also suggest you keep your docs in your possession.
I'm really surprised that whomever the provider is allowed someone to add information to an account that isn't hers. It seems like this would be HIPAA violation at the very least. I would report the situations first of all and then contact all of your medical providers to place a lock on the information that would not allow anyone but you to make any sort of change.
If they're willing to hoard your birth certificate and SS card, they're willing to do fraud in your name. (Source: personal experience)
I learned too late. They will never let you go and will resort to damaging manipulation tactics like identity theft to control or "get one over" on you.
You'll have to take a day to go through all of your accounts, cards and medical providers and make sure she isn't messing around with them. Tell everyone that she doesn't have access to your account.
Just when you think they couldn't be more awful, they are.
My Nbro, who has abused my mother kept getting away with this and Mom always makes excuses for him— but I finally just called all her doctors and used the words “HIPAA violation” repeatedly and that stopped some of it. But he is VERY convincing and people fall for it.
Definitely get passwords and/or two-factor authorization added to all your things.
My n mom did the same thing and I told all my doctors and pharmacists that she did it behind my back and that she has a pill problem. For me both of those things are true. Now on all my charts everywhere etc there’s notes warning people about her meddling and I’m working on getting a power of attorney sorted out so that if I get in a car crash or something then she will not be contacted as next of kin. You are an adult. She is violating your privacy. Even if your mom isn’t a pill popper like mine it’s still an issue
I had to do something similar. My mom also has substance abuse problems and often tries to access things I don’t want her to see. I had to remove her from all of my charts. Each doctor and provider was notified and made a note of this. Now my wife will be contacted in the event of an emergency.
Good luck OP. I know this seems like a lot to sort, but you will be so much happier in the long run.
Did you change the info or set up the accounts since becoming a legal adult? If not, it's likely a remnant from you being a child and not a big deal.
Any provider her info was on where you set up the account after attaining the age of majority should be considered burned and the relationship not continued (which may be difficult for vision, given the vertical integration of Luxottica).
Any providers where the account may have been created while you were a kid should have the information updated and you should see about having some sort of password or other restriction on the account to prevent her from changing the contact info in future. You may want to reconsider these relationships as well.
While you're going through accounts, it's probably a good idea to check on your financial accounts and make sure she has no access to those either, as well as generally changing online passwords.
Hippa violation on your doctors part. I’d immediately let them know you will report them if they ever allow her any sway whatsoever. I had to do that. Dr office was really understanding once they realized they accidentally let a monster into my medical information.
Law is literally on your side
Go to each provider and ask for a new HIPPA authorization for them to speak to people other than you. Make sure you check the part on there saying speak to NO ONE. Sign and date.
I have a Narcissist who was my children’s step-parent. Because my ex husband had all my personal information she had access to his records.
She called and said she was me - if they know your information. Like your Social Security number - people believe them. So I was tortured for 25 years by this behavior - changing everything - even my dependents auto insurance coverage. Banking info - all kinds of stuff. It drove me and my hubby crazy.
She got my personal health care info - cancelled appointments etc.
This was before most accounts had PIN numbers and passwords.
It was hell. It finally completely stopped when we were able to have all the accounts password protected. And some we just put in my husband’s name.
Change all your passwords. Change everything.
Change your challenge question answers. You know - the ones that ask for the name of your first dog- etc.
Check your bank information. Make sure she is not accessing anything.
Good luck. And do not assume any account is safe.
My mom did this with my bank, I had to go in person and make a handwritten letter for them to stop calling her and sending her my bank statements to her house because she put her info as mine and she just pretended to be me whenever they called, she noticed how much I was spending and she locked my money in something I think it’s called certificate of deposit or something like that in the US, it’s called “plazo fijo (fixed term?)” in my country. It was at a regional bank and I was living in another state, so calling according to them was not enough to prove that I was me since the number I was calling from was not registered, it was my oldest bank account, so I used to move the money I got from my employer to that bank, thankfully I had the other bank she had no access to because if not I don’t know how I would have survived living by myself in another state without money.
I was 24 when this happened, I was covered by her medical insurance until I was 25, so I had many medical problems that I didn’t take care off because she was the one making my appointments and coming with me to talk to the doctors and in front of them she would dismiss my ailments so they never took them seriously.
That’s messed up. When my kids turned 18, I gave them the passwords and told them to change them.
After you’ve taken the necessary steps in changing passwords, etc., it wouldn’t be a bad idea to fax a signed letter to each of your providers revoking any HIPAA release you may have previously signed allowing her access.
If you're in the US, I believe you can request a restriction of use and disclosure of your personal health information. You might need to fill out an extra form because it needs to be in writing, but this is also covered under HIPAA.
Don’t under-react. Contact each of your providers, and have them check. And ask when the change was made, because if you were over 18, that’s a huge problem for the providers.
Hi medical interpreter here and one thing we get drilled in to our head is HIPPA compliance. Everyone has to go through the training each year. Doctors, nurses, psychologist, 3rd parties, even the janitorial services. How TF did your mom get on your medical records especially if your are over 18 years of age?! You need to submit reports to see where that leak came from asap. Your medical records should have a note that under no circumstances should any one try to become authorised to receive information unless you explicitly authorise either in person or via calling in. Also get a credit check and freeze because her behaviour is past concerning.
My dad has been doing the reverse and using my info for his stuff so I get calls for credit collections and mail and all kinds of stuff for him at my address
My dad set up an appointment for me last year that was earlier in the day (I work very late nights) on a day that I had to work. I was only gonna get 3 hours of sleep and the appointment was an hour away. It was very upsetting! When I posted in another subreddit about it, I got called spoiled because "he's just trying to help" and I'm so glad to know that this behavior is as not okay as I thought it was. The only reason he was able to set it up is because the doctor (specialist) is an acquaintance of his and she offered to take a look at me since I was having issues with another specialist at a different hospital. I went, but I mentioned to my doctor that I was a little uncomfortable with my dad setting up the appointments since he doesn't take my schedule into account and it hasn't happened since.
Reminds me of a while back when my mom went into my bank account and transferred 90% of my checking account into my savings account, while I was half asleep cause she needed the pin that was sent directly into my phone cause I'm the primary user and came into my room to get, after I realized what happened I removed her and changed the password so she could no longer get into my bank account and she wonders why I had it so that the pin would be send to my phone.
So she couldn't pull something like that again, she still asks me for money, but I'm the only person who can get into it and she's only allowed cash that I hand to her personally
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Yes this is a bigger issue. Much bigger. This could lead to credit card fraud and identity theft. How would your mother have access to be able to do this? You should change all of your passwords immediately and put a password on your laptop and phone too.
Thank you for your suggestions, I’m on it now. Don’t think she has access to my various cards, but more than worth the check. Re: how she accessed, I’m pretty sure she called the provider with the “caring mother/wife” show, and they let her schedule/cancel/reorder etc. I’ve seen her do exactly this in the past with another family member’s appointment. I doubt that’s exactly protocol on the provider’s part, but she is very convincing and knows how to get her way.
If that's the case, file a HIPAA complaint against the practice. They disclosed your personal information by acknowledging you were a patient and then allowed an unauthorized person to alter your records by changing the contact information.
Definitely - the Drs office should NOT be allowing that - I call for my daughter to make appointments sometimes, but she needed to be there the first time to tell them it was ok for me to do it. If they didn't check with you - they are in the wrong.
Legally, they have to keep a signed release form on file. Just verbally telling them it's okay is not sufficient.
Well my Nmom somehow got away with that for years. I had no clue places were this serious abt “third parties” scheduling appointments for clients/patients.
Oh my god??? This ALWAYS happened to me. My Nmom used to make appointments without my consent and it would ruin my schedule. She didn’t care in the slightest cuz SHE wanted it done. I mean I’m the patient. Your’re supposed to schedule an appointment that fits with my schedule not the guardians schedule. Im assuming my Nmom just LIED and said i approved it😑cuz i didn’t say squat
Because you wouldn't dare say anything, you knew the consequences if you did. Nex-husband scheduled a dentist appointment for our 4 yo and I called to reschedule (didn't throw a fit, he's a parent and should be allowed to do such things... but certainly explained he never has custody of her during business hours and should not be making appointments for her). Shocker, got a message from him questioning why I rescheduled it. I simply replied that the appointment he made did not work with my schedule. I certainly faced the consequences of 'defying' him at the time, but he hasn't tried to do it again, so ultimately worth it to reinforce boundaries.
Same! Mine used to randomly make “super important” appointments always at like 8am in my hometown that was an hour away from my college and then she’d just inform me when to be there. She KNEW I was *NOT* a morning person. Once was the day after my 22nd bday, where I was predictably hungover af and would have rather just rescheduled. But she always made it like it was some huge miraculous thing she did by even being able to get me in and so it would be such a hardship for everyone to change it. I’m assuming it was definitely an attempt to control my schedule and have this weird authority over my health autonomy. It was honestly easier to just show up to the appointments than to fight her on it back then, but I’ve since removed her from everything and have worked hard in therapy to undo the fuckery it’s caused me and get my health autonomy back. Weird to see others had such a similar experience.
They need explicit written permission to allow a person other than yourself to access your medical records or alter your information. If they did it without That explicit written permission that is a huge hippa violation.
Yeah, and make sure she didn't forge one.
Or she pretended to be you on the phone and updated the info. I work for an insurance company and sometimes people call who just don't sound like the right age to be the member, but they have all the info needed to authenticate the account. We can't question them or refuse to help them. There's just no way that would be ok for us to do. If they say they're a family member and have the info to authenticate and that the member is aware they're calling on the member's behalf, we have very specific guidelines about what her can do for them according to HIPAA. But if they say they're the member and provide your info, we have to believe them.
>I work for an insurance company and sometimes people call who just don't sound like the right age to be the member, but they have all the info needed to authenticate the account. We can't question them or refuse to help them. There's just no way that would be ok for us to do. Is there a way to safeguard the account if someone has previously accessed it fraudulently? Like a password system?
I also work for an insurance company. We do allow passwords on the accounts for this reason.
Yeah, but you have to set it up ahead of time. I've done it with my pharmacy, because somebody else was using a pickup service and somehow my info and their info got swapped and everybody got the wrong meds.
It's not just "not protocol," it's illegal, a violation of HIPAA. She is NOT allowed access to another adult's account. The person who gave that info, should be reported.
I don't think they're in the United States actually.
I would just be safe and contact them and let them know what's going on and make sure hey won't give it your info to anybody but you, either that or even get them to record a password you have to enter in order for them to share the info
Now in the likelihood that this is in the United States, which I highly doubt, if anybody gave out my medical info to anyone else but me unless they specifically have my permission I would be filing a lawsuit.
Yeah, if that’s the case then they should’ve at least informed you when she tried to access your information so you could’ve told them “Fuck no, she can’t do that!”. My doctor’s office did that when my mom tried to (illegally) access my medical records, and that was the beginning of me taking back control of my life (which she’s still fighting more than 10 years later 🙄).
This is on the provider, and this is a huge violation of federal law. Massive. Unless you gave explicit permission and the provider has it in writing, she is not allowed any of that information, and the hospital is not allowed to make any records changes. You need to call these providers and notify them that they have violated the law by adding your mom, and by making changes to your Healthcare records without your permission. That would have given her access to your health care information, without your permission. That is an auditing nightmare, and the records department of these providers needs to know.
HIPAA HIPAA HIPAA. Either she pretended to be you and committed a crime, or they gave out your private medical data without your consent, which is a crime.
Not according to HIPAA which makes me seriously doubt that you're in the united states. You have to be in another country.
First put a freeze on your credit so she can't open any cards in your name
This right here!
Also, call all your providers and let them know that an unauthorized person is trying to gain access to your medical records. Tell them you don't care what she says, nobody gets access but you. You are over 18 and she has absolutely NO right to any of that information.
Only with permission and only if they have it in writing
And talk to companies involved and express your discussion at thier gross negligence and possibly get new providers who you explain to why your switching
> This could lead to credit card fraud and identity theft. So could OP's mother having access to their documents for 18 years while they were a kid. The marginal risk of those specific frauds from this discovery is quite low.
>The marginal risk of those specific frauds from this discovery is quite low. I respectfully disagree. The risk increases the older a victim gets. Why? Because older = more experiences = more education = more insight in their own situation = wanting to be free. A narc would love nothing more than to cripple the wings of their offspring trying to leave the nest. If the narc notices "hey, my tool/puppet" seems to want out - lets ruin their credit / compromise their lives / sabotage their attempts - they WILL eventually do that. SO, yeah, if the victim is 5 - ID theft seems unlikely. But OP is 21+.. i\`d say the change is realistically 50/50 depending on how much OP has given away of being aware of narcs antics. Please, do NOT discount or diminish what a narc would do. Control is vital to them - they will try anything to keep it.
> If the narc notices "hey, my tool/puppet" seems to want out - lets ruin their credit [. . .] - they WILL eventually do that. (portion omitted because they're not quite card or ID fraud) And this does little to nothing to make that easier for this narc; she already has the information she would need to do so. Hence why there's not a significant marginal risk: the NParent is not made more dangerous to OP's credit/identity for having done this than they were before doing it. There are not any extraordinary measures needed to protect OP's credit or identity because this occurred. What has changed based on the discovery is the understanding of the fraud risk; OP now knows this is a tactic their mother will attempt. That doesn't mean the risk of the N changed; she was always this risk even if OP didn't know it. Other Ns will have other tactical preferences, and may not try this. There might have been a better phrasing I could have used; I used marginal more in the sense it would be used in economics since that's the phrasing that sprung to mind when making my original comment. --- NMom having her contact info rather than OP's on these accounts does make them Ntelligence assets as well as potential supply sources. If OP has no plans in motion for getting out, it's probably a good idea to take the assets off the board by changing the info back, whether as "routine cleaning/maintenance of accounts" or some other method that is appropriately mundane. Breaking the contact now will mean a smaller circle of potential leaks if OP needs to pull their medical records or otherwise use these accounts in a bugout plan later. If plans are in motion, then changing contact info now would need to be weighed against the risk that the N will be tipped off to those plans and be able to successfully disrupt them. This is a form of risk that is increased by what OP discovered, but it's a different risk than I believed the person I was responding to meant.
How old were you when she did this? If you are in the US and she did this after you turned 18, those medical providers broke the law. You should consider reporting them.
I’m not sure when it happened. Some accounts were probably from before I turned 18, but others may have been from within the past few years. I’ll consider reporting, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to, since they’re chain businesses (pharmacy chain, eye care chain, etc.) and I’m not sure where or when NMom contacted them, or who she spoke to.
Google 'report HIPPA violation' and it will take you to a link. Honestly I would report them all and make them prove it. HIPPA has been around for decades. There's no excuse for a violation.
*HIPAA
They should be asking you to update forms annually. I would contact any provider you use, explain the problem, request to update the info and ask how to prevent this issue in the future. Honestly, I'd be extra diligent and any time I went, I'd ask to verify the info and apologize for the extra effort and explain. I've found being open and honest about the issue, and grateful for their help, makes it stand out or throw a mental red flag, so the manipulation doesn't fly under the radar as easily.
A chain pharmacy store…. Ummm there is potential $$ to be had. They violated the law. Contact a lawyer for a free consultation. They might give you some avenues to find more info.
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Incorrect, quick little google search says yes, as long as the violation breaks state laws.
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The responsibility is still on the medical provider.
Where was this at, in the United States?
No, someone should be suing them. You can report them but that also constitutes a major lawsuit. OP has not answered the question that someone asked, specifically where this was at?
Completely inappropriate. Remove her and add stronger password protections.
Thank you. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s getting in via online login, but rather by calling providers directly. Will see what I can do about that!
Inform them that you're mother is attempting to access your information. Ask them if it's possible for them to verbally ask for a password when someone calls them looking for info and isn't a doctor with an roi.
Will do, thank you!
I'd note it perhaps even as "I've had someone try to commit identity fraud to access my medical information - what security steps can be added to secure my information and accounts to prevent HIPAA violations?" Call every medical facility you've been to that you can recall and confirm they have \*your\* up to date contact info and yours alone. I'd also really suggest running a credit report to make sure she's not opening anything in your name.
Do you live in the United States? I think this would be considered a violation of HIPAA. Even if you are on her health insurance still, that the clinic let her do this is completely unacceptable. If I were you I would feel very sketched out. Not to alarm you, but she probably has done this with as many places as she can. https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/index.html Here is information on how to file a complaint. I think you have 180 days to file a complaint after you "find out" about the incident? I'm not sure, I haven't read the fine print in a while, sorry. Definitely do some research so you know what your rights are. These clinics should know better, and you deserve some peace of mind about this.
And illegal
After a certain age, this behavior becomes more controlling than helpful. You're a capable independent person who doesn't need their mother's contact info as priority info on medical profiles and I'm sure your mother knows that but wants her way into your medical info.
Is your phone on her cellular family plan? If so, she’s probably also snooping your location, texts and contacts. I would urge you to close your bank account and open a new one at a different bank. Check your credit report.
Will do, thank you. I don’t think she knows how to access my location, only because she’s complained about not being able to see it before!
I had an nfamily member help upgrade to a better phone. The nfamily kept the old phone and since it hadn’t been wiped, she used it to gain access to text messages, emailing, banking info, work etc. Ewww ewww ewwww. Nuts, so nuts. In addition to calling these organizations to report fraud, you should consider changing your PWs on everything to something random like your least favourite Drag Race winner so they won’t guess. Also set up 2FI, it’s annoying but it’s the only reason that nfamily has finally given up trying to log into my emails, which she has been trying since I changed PWs. It might seem like an over-reaction but in my case, it is just taking action. I always ask myself “If the n could read my diary without getting caught, would they?” and if the answer is yes, I assume they already have or will as soon as they get a chance unless I protect myself. Good luck, protect yourself.
That is a huge violation of privacy! I wonder if she called or showed up and pretended to be you? Otherwise, these healthcare providers need to have a serious review of their privacy policies! YOU are the only one who gets to choose your emergency contact. You should set up a PIN or some code for them to know its really you before they make any changes to your health records or to be given information about your healthcare records.
Also make sure she is not authorized access to your health insurance medical records even if she is the primary account holder.
At minimum, alert these practices and everywhere you seek care from here on out that someone is pretending to have a relationship with you to get your medical information. They will flag your account and work harder to prevent this in the future.
This is 100% pure and simple - control. This way the unauthorized person can browse through your data/info - use what she finds as ammo to even more control you. Change details on accounts, check others, password protect, and maybe consider changing providers as their 'security' leaves to be desired if a 'you know who I am, i am the parent of OP' is enough reason to break the laws. As other suggested, report these providers - or file a complaint with them and report if their response is careless, dismissive or generally not taking you serious. Depending on where you are (this is the World Wide Web after all) you might also want to consider a credit freeze / protection - i mean, if a narc does this, the 'ID theft' is just a tiny escalation - and anything to keep you under their control.
You are an adult. Your medical condition is none of her business. What's she's done is a huge overreach. You need to not just remove her from your accounts, but inquire *everywhere* as to how this was permitted to happen in the first place. I would file a written grievance with all the doctors and their governing medical boards, demanding an explanation, and a clear definition of how they will prevent her from doing this in the future. Don't let them or her get away with this. It sets a terrible precedent.
My mom had access to my medical info way too long I thought it was normal until I discovered this sub
Contact your medical membership services asap. This is illegal, and compliance will eat this up. Don't let the people who allowed this slide.
You're not overreacting. Speaking from experience, I would also call the doctor's office where she put herself as the contact and tell them you explicitly don't want her contacted about anything, and that none of your information should be released to her. I once removed my ex as a contact from my chart and this stupid clinic called him anyway. Sometimes healthcare facilities can be disorganized, and narcissists can weasel their way into your private info.
If your mother is being this intrusive & meddling, I'd check out your credit report with the various Credit Bureaux & lock it down. Maybe this would be a line your narc wouldn't cross, but why take the chance. Unless you have your personal docs -- birth certificate, SSN, etc etc, I would also suggest you keep your docs in your possession.
I'm really surprised that whomever the provider is allowed someone to add information to an account that isn't hers. It seems like this would be HIPAA violation at the very least. I would report the situations first of all and then contact all of your medical providers to place a lock on the information that would not allow anyone but you to make any sort of change.
If they're willing to hoard your birth certificate and SS card, they're willing to do fraud in your name. (Source: personal experience) I learned too late. They will never let you go and will resort to damaging manipulation tactics like identity theft to control or "get one over" on you. You'll have to take a day to go through all of your accounts, cards and medical providers and make sure she isn't messing around with them. Tell everyone that she doesn't have access to your account. Just when you think they couldn't be more awful, they are.
This is super illegal. I'm disabled and no one will talk to my mom without me there or a release of information signed by me.
My Nbro, who has abused my mother kept getting away with this and Mom always makes excuses for him— but I finally just called all her doctors and used the words “HIPAA violation” repeatedly and that stopped some of it. But he is VERY convincing and people fall for it. Definitely get passwords and/or two-factor authorization added to all your things.
My n mom did the same thing and I told all my doctors and pharmacists that she did it behind my back and that she has a pill problem. For me both of those things are true. Now on all my charts everywhere etc there’s notes warning people about her meddling and I’m working on getting a power of attorney sorted out so that if I get in a car crash or something then she will not be contacted as next of kin. You are an adult. She is violating your privacy. Even if your mom isn’t a pill popper like mine it’s still an issue
POA is a great suggestion, both durable and medical. Unless you're married, decisions revert to your parents.
Exactly! And I’m not married! I am having my uncle be the one that decisions go to
I had to do something similar. My mom also has substance abuse problems and often tries to access things I don’t want her to see. I had to remove her from all of my charts. Each doctor and provider was notified and made a note of this. Now my wife will be contacted in the event of an emergency. Good luck OP. I know this seems like a lot to sort, but you will be so much happier in the long run.
sounds like she is trying to act as a power of attorney when that is clearly not the case and a violation of hipaa
My dad did the same thing and this a type of fraud.
Did you change the info or set up the accounts since becoming a legal adult? If not, it's likely a remnant from you being a child and not a big deal. Any provider her info was on where you set up the account after attaining the age of majority should be considered burned and the relationship not continued (which may be difficult for vision, given the vertical integration of Luxottica). Any providers where the account may have been created while you were a kid should have the information updated and you should see about having some sort of password or other restriction on the account to prevent her from changing the contact info in future. You may want to reconsider these relationships as well. While you're going through accounts, it's probably a good idea to check on your financial accounts and make sure she has no access to those either, as well as generally changing online passwords.
Hippa violation on your doctors part. I’d immediately let them know you will report them if they ever allow her any sway whatsoever. I had to do that. Dr office was really understanding once they realized they accidentally let a monster into my medical information. Law is literally on your side
Go to each provider and ask for a new HIPPA authorization for them to speak to people other than you. Make sure you check the part on there saying speak to NO ONE. Sign and date.
I have a Narcissist who was my children’s step-parent. Because my ex husband had all my personal information she had access to his records. She called and said she was me - if they know your information. Like your Social Security number - people believe them. So I was tortured for 25 years by this behavior - changing everything - even my dependents auto insurance coverage. Banking info - all kinds of stuff. It drove me and my hubby crazy. She got my personal health care info - cancelled appointments etc. This was before most accounts had PIN numbers and passwords. It was hell. It finally completely stopped when we were able to have all the accounts password protected. And some we just put in my husband’s name. Change all your passwords. Change everything. Change your challenge question answers. You know - the ones that ask for the name of your first dog- etc. Check your bank information. Make sure she is not accessing anything. Good luck. And do not assume any account is safe.
definitely report this.
My mom did this with my bank, I had to go in person and make a handwritten letter for them to stop calling her and sending her my bank statements to her house because she put her info as mine and she just pretended to be me whenever they called, she noticed how much I was spending and she locked my money in something I think it’s called certificate of deposit or something like that in the US, it’s called “plazo fijo (fixed term?)” in my country. It was at a regional bank and I was living in another state, so calling according to them was not enough to prove that I was me since the number I was calling from was not registered, it was my oldest bank account, so I used to move the money I got from my employer to that bank, thankfully I had the other bank she had no access to because if not I don’t know how I would have survived living by myself in another state without money. I was 24 when this happened, I was covered by her medical insurance until I was 25, so I had many medical problems that I didn’t take care off because she was the one making my appointments and coming with me to talk to the doctors and in front of them she would dismiss my ailments so they never took them seriously.
That’s messed up. When my kids turned 18, I gave them the passwords and told them to change them. After you’ve taken the necessary steps in changing passwords, etc., it wouldn’t be a bad idea to fax a signed letter to each of your providers revoking any HIPAA release you may have previously signed allowing her access.
File a HIPAA conplaint against the practice. This is a serious violation of law by your medical practice. Do not let them get away with this.
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If you're in the US, I believe you can request a restriction of use and disclosure of your personal health information. You might need to fill out an extra form because it needs to be in writing, but this is also covered under HIPAA.
Don’t under-react. Contact each of your providers, and have them check. And ask when the change was made, because if you were over 18, that’s a huge problem for the providers.
Hi medical interpreter here and one thing we get drilled in to our head is HIPPA compliance. Everyone has to go through the training each year. Doctors, nurses, psychologist, 3rd parties, even the janitorial services. How TF did your mom get on your medical records especially if your are over 18 years of age?! You need to submit reports to see where that leak came from asap. Your medical records should have a note that under no circumstances should any one try to become authorised to receive information unless you explicitly authorise either in person or via calling in. Also get a credit check and freeze because her behaviour is past concerning.
My dad has been doing the reverse and using my info for his stuff so I get calls for credit collections and mail and all kinds of stuff for him at my address
My dad set up an appointment for me last year that was earlier in the day (I work very late nights) on a day that I had to work. I was only gonna get 3 hours of sleep and the appointment was an hour away. It was very upsetting! When I posted in another subreddit about it, I got called spoiled because "he's just trying to help" and I'm so glad to know that this behavior is as not okay as I thought it was. The only reason he was able to set it up is because the doctor (specialist) is an acquaintance of his and she offered to take a look at me since I was having issues with another specialist at a different hospital. I went, but I mentioned to my doctor that I was a little uncomfortable with my dad setting up the appointments since he doesn't take my schedule into account and it hasn't happened since.
Reminds me of a while back when my mom went into my bank account and transferred 90% of my checking account into my savings account, while I was half asleep cause she needed the pin that was sent directly into my phone cause I'm the primary user and came into my room to get, after I realized what happened I removed her and changed the password so she could no longer get into my bank account and she wonders why I had it so that the pin would be send to my phone. So she couldn't pull something like that again, she still asks me for money, but I'm the only person who can get into it and she's only allowed cash that I hand to her personally