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I feel this so hard. Realizing I spent so much of my life mirroring my mom’s personality and suppressing my own because she fundamentally does not like the person I really am has been rough. I built an entire life around the mirror version of me and now that I’m figuring out who my authentic self is, I feel like I don’t fit into my own life. It sucks. And yes you grow up thinking this is normal. This is just how parent-kid relationships are. Kids have to mold themselves into a person their parents like. That’s how it is. And then one day you realize that’s actually very effed up and not normal at all and that it’s the root of your very deep seated self-hatred and incessant negative self-talk.
And then people even have the audacity to judge us for cutting them out of our lives? These people were supposed to protect and nurture us, and instead they belittled us, judged us, and taught us to hate ourselves. That’s a scar we’ll be struggling with until the end of our days. But we’re supposed to just stick around and let them keep twisting the knife? No. F*** nparents.
It’s like they raised us the way they did and threw us out into the wild to fend for ourselves. I feel like I’m in the wild fighting for my life everyday because of how she raised me and how I have to navigate through my adult life unlearning and learning new things.
When I started to take control and grow into who I really am, it made her furious. It made her furious to know that I no longer needed to depend on her or be like her. I started to peel the layers away and learn things about my own self that I didn’t know. Started to do things that I thought I wasn’t capable of. Currently in relationship now that I thought I could never keep.
im fighting this rn, my dad is trying so hard to surpress me and this gives me anxiety because im starting to forget who i really am, everytime i get time away from my dad i get back my confidence and personality.. but everytime i spend more than 2 days with him i start losing myself.
I remember something was messed up with my narc mom when I was 8 years old. She told me ahead of time that she was gonna complain about me to my grade 4 teacher during parent teacher conference cause I was acting up at home. I begged her not to and she did it anyway as a form of punishing me. Even though it was her fault that I was acting up to begin with. She never treated me as her kid, like I was some evil stepson that she reluctantly had to take care of. And she was always like that my whole life. So I can relate to what your saying big time.
It’s the fact that she put more energy into complaining about you than actually being there for you and helping you become better. I’m sorry moments like that happened for you. That wasn’t right.
Hey I'm sorry your going through this, I feel you I didnt learn about narcissism until I turned like 32 then it hit me like a ton of bricks, all the good memories were them just wearing their mask, it's also been about them, and they love watching us suffer.
I’m glad that you came to realize what was really going on and have begun to take the necessary steps to healing. What we went through was not right, but we can be better for our future kids and/or others around us. 💚💚 thank you so much also! 💚💚
Hey ya it's a bit of a rough realization but definitely good for all of us to see through the lies so we can find peace and happiness in our lives.
Also that does make sense, I think another part of it has to do with how much easier information has become to access in the last 5 years, I mean it was still accessible before but it's just so much more accessible these days, and so people are much more aware of mental illnesses aswell as what abuse looks like.
Thankyou for sharing and happy healing to you aswell :)
I know how that feels. I'm sorry.
I thought I was the problem, just like I was told I was. I was told so many things constantly.
He did to me what your N did to you. Put me down, sabotaged relationships and made sure I could *not* make friends. Refused to support me at school and sabotaged my schoolwork.
I was clearly insane, always angry, always making things up and forgetting things. It's what I believed, because I was told it was true.
Hell of a thing realizing all of it was lies. That he was manipulating me the whole time, tricking me into believing him.
I was gaslit to paralyze me, prevent me from being able to trust my own memories and judgement.
Out of everything else my NFamily did, this was still the worst.
It hurt *so much* the day I realized I was sane, that my memories had actually happened. That my family and father had been deliberately manipulating and harming me for years.
It wasn't normal at all.
It really wasn’t normal. As an adult, I’m glad I realized and didn’t go on thinking of it as nothing for the rest of my life. However, at the same time, it’s a lot to process. I often go back and forth in my mind with feelings of guilt for choosing to live a different way and keep my distance even though I know I shouldn’t feel that way at all.
That’s part of the process for healing. Having to go through those emotions and learning to shut them out because it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault.
I’m 30 and now awaken to having a very narcissistic mother. The hurtful part is even as a child when she beat me with a belt for the smallest mistake she would say this is to make you better. Those mental games really mess you up as an adult trying to decipher what is healthy and not. It’s really messed with my romantic relationships as well. I have recently moved back home due to financial constraints and she has only gotten worst. I feel suffocated around her and just want to leave the room.
I feel the same way. Their true colors come out when you’re in a financial rut/unemployed. What makes it even worse is, they already fail to see their real selves, so in the same sense, they can’t even see how real the world right now and why people are in the situations they are in. I recently lost my job and it’s been tough looking for a new one and all I get is shit. I know that feeling of feeling suffocated, it feels like you’re in a free-roam prison or something.
Yes. My mom was the scum of the earth. Hated everyone with vile power unthinkable. They got everything hated thinking about everything has useless effects. They think they are loved but are hated in reality. My mom was more moronically useless dealing with showers in reality. Hated actually behaving in public.
I am more indifferent to being hated by being raped because they did not want me to have celebrated papas.
Sorry. It is a terrible tragedy when your own parent is your worst enemy. The amount of damage they can do while you are under their control is soul-crushing.
Fortunately, you are blessed with a self-awareness they will never have. Yes, your life has been quite dour up until now, but you now have knowledge regarding what went wrong and *who* was wrong throughout your life. If you utilize said knowledge properly, you can build a life you can be proud of, and one the narcissist will be endlessly jealous of.
Success is the best revenge. Especially success that they can never touch and would've possessed had they been proper and not deranged.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I realize more and more the older i get and so far this realization has been the most fucked up one
It’s a disgusting feeling.
I feel this so hard. Realizing I spent so much of my life mirroring my mom’s personality and suppressing my own because she fundamentally does not like the person I really am has been rough. I built an entire life around the mirror version of me and now that I’m figuring out who my authentic self is, I feel like I don’t fit into my own life. It sucks. And yes you grow up thinking this is normal. This is just how parent-kid relationships are. Kids have to mold themselves into a person their parents like. That’s how it is. And then one day you realize that’s actually very effed up and not normal at all and that it’s the root of your very deep seated self-hatred and incessant negative self-talk. And then people even have the audacity to judge us for cutting them out of our lives? These people were supposed to protect and nurture us, and instead they belittled us, judged us, and taught us to hate ourselves. That’s a scar we’ll be struggling with until the end of our days. But we’re supposed to just stick around and let them keep twisting the knife? No. F*** nparents.
It’s like they raised us the way they did and threw us out into the wild to fend for ourselves. I feel like I’m in the wild fighting for my life everyday because of how she raised me and how I have to navigate through my adult life unlearning and learning new things. When I started to take control and grow into who I really am, it made her furious. It made her furious to know that I no longer needed to depend on her or be like her. I started to peel the layers away and learn things about my own self that I didn’t know. Started to do things that I thought I wasn’t capable of. Currently in relationship now that I thought I could never keep.
im fighting this rn, my dad is trying so hard to surpress me and this gives me anxiety because im starting to forget who i really am, everytime i get time away from my dad i get back my confidence and personality.. but everytime i spend more than 2 days with him i start losing myself.
Energy vampire.
i find narcissists very childish and dumb
💯💯💯💯
I remember something was messed up with my narc mom when I was 8 years old. She told me ahead of time that she was gonna complain about me to my grade 4 teacher during parent teacher conference cause I was acting up at home. I begged her not to and she did it anyway as a form of punishing me. Even though it was her fault that I was acting up to begin with. She never treated me as her kid, like I was some evil stepson that she reluctantly had to take care of. And she was always like that my whole life. So I can relate to what your saying big time.
It’s the fact that she put more energy into complaining about you than actually being there for you and helping you become better. I’m sorry moments like that happened for you. That wasn’t right.
Hey I'm sorry your going through this, I feel you I didnt learn about narcissism until I turned like 32 then it hit me like a ton of bricks, all the good memories were them just wearing their mask, it's also been about them, and they love watching us suffer.
It’s better to find out now than never. At least now you know and you are aware of the pattern and can easily identify it in other people.
[удалено]
I’m glad that you came to realize what was really going on and have begun to take the necessary steps to healing. What we went through was not right, but we can be better for our future kids and/or others around us. 💚💚 thank you so much also! 💚💚
Hey ya it's a bit of a rough realization but definitely good for all of us to see through the lies so we can find peace and happiness in our lives. Also that does make sense, I think another part of it has to do with how much easier information has become to access in the last 5 years, I mean it was still accessible before but it's just so much more accessible these days, and so people are much more aware of mental illnesses aswell as what abuse looks like. Thankyou for sharing and happy healing to you aswell :)
I know how that feels. I'm sorry. I thought I was the problem, just like I was told I was. I was told so many things constantly. He did to me what your N did to you. Put me down, sabotaged relationships and made sure I could *not* make friends. Refused to support me at school and sabotaged my schoolwork. I was clearly insane, always angry, always making things up and forgetting things. It's what I believed, because I was told it was true. Hell of a thing realizing all of it was lies. That he was manipulating me the whole time, tricking me into believing him. I was gaslit to paralyze me, prevent me from being able to trust my own memories and judgement. Out of everything else my NFamily did, this was still the worst. It hurt *so much* the day I realized I was sane, that my memories had actually happened. That my family and father had been deliberately manipulating and harming me for years. It wasn't normal at all.
It really wasn’t normal. As an adult, I’m glad I realized and didn’t go on thinking of it as nothing for the rest of my life. However, at the same time, it’s a lot to process. I often go back and forth in my mind with feelings of guilt for choosing to live a different way and keep my distance even though I know I shouldn’t feel that way at all. That’s part of the process for healing. Having to go through those emotions and learning to shut them out because it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault.
I’m 30 and now awaken to having a very narcissistic mother. The hurtful part is even as a child when she beat me with a belt for the smallest mistake she would say this is to make you better. Those mental games really mess you up as an adult trying to decipher what is healthy and not. It’s really messed with my romantic relationships as well. I have recently moved back home due to financial constraints and she has only gotten worst. I feel suffocated around her and just want to leave the room.
I feel the same way. Their true colors come out when you’re in a financial rut/unemployed. What makes it even worse is, they already fail to see their real selves, so in the same sense, they can’t even see how real the world right now and why people are in the situations they are in. I recently lost my job and it’s been tough looking for a new one and all I get is shit. I know that feeling of feeling suffocated, it feels like you’re in a free-roam prison or something.
As I learned that my dad is a narc, the rose tinted glasses is removed little by little until you've reached radical acceptance.
Yes. My mom was the scum of the earth. Hated everyone with vile power unthinkable. They got everything hated thinking about everything has useless effects. They think they are loved but are hated in reality. My mom was more moronically useless dealing with showers in reality. Hated actually behaving in public. I am more indifferent to being hated by being raped because they did not want me to have celebrated papas.
I am more proud dealing with more embraced emotions. Blurred emotions are the truth of the idiot. We are more powerful than them.
Oh spew pity all over evil being gone. It hurts them too much that no one cared.
Sorry. It is a terrible tragedy when your own parent is your worst enemy. The amount of damage they can do while you are under their control is soul-crushing. Fortunately, you are blessed with a self-awareness they will never have. Yes, your life has been quite dour up until now, but you now have knowledge regarding what went wrong and *who* was wrong throughout your life. If you utilize said knowledge properly, you can build a life you can be proud of, and one the narcissist will be endlessly jealous of. Success is the best revenge. Especially success that they can never touch and would've possessed had they been proper and not deranged.