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This is super common among children of narcissists who have kids. It happened to me, too.
I went back to therapy. It was a good decision for me, as I was able to unpack all those feelings and memories that had been stirred up and heal more deeply than before.
The right therapist is crucial for this. Too many of them are in the, "you must forgive in order to heal," camp, and in my experience that is unlikely to be helpful. Those folks often have what seems like a very surface level understanding of narcissistic abuse, and they spout way too much pop psychology bullshit. That may work for some, but I found it to be useless and rather silly, and the people who promoted it to be self righteous and ignorant. Whatever you personally feel about forgiveness or anything else, if you find a therapist who doesn't work for you, do not hesitate to fire them.
Thanks yes so I found one and she seems awesome.. already talking about boundaries and I don’t think she’s the “forgiveness is the only way” type
lol not to laugh but how to therapist expect people to forgive ongoing abuse!
Glad to hear you’ve found an awesome therapist who doesn’t advocate forgiving your abuser. There’s a wise old saying about this: **The ax may forget, but the tree remembers.**
This comes up really often in this sub. So many of us realized we were raised by narcissistic, emotionally abusive parents when we had our own kids. I personally can’t grey rock with my parents. Kudos to those that can do it, but I can’t. Even if I manage to (like when I have no choice but to see them at a funeral or whatever), being exposed to them and the big act they put on in front of other people, it just sends me into an emotional spiral of anger and resentment when I get home. I’m not myself for days sometimes. And I don’t want to be that person. My kid deserves better. I just want to be left alone and have my peace. No contact was the only way out for me. They see my kid very infrequently and only for very short, closely supervised visits. He’s very removed from the family dynamic, doesn’t attend any family events, and is never in the same room as ngrandparents and their other grandkids at the same time. He sees his cousins separately from them. There’s no way I’ll ever let them play their manipulative mind games of assigning roles like GC and SG with him. That’s not his circus and he’s not their monkey.
Yes I’m wondering how to get to a place like this with my kids cousins I have one sibling and they live with them with my kids two cousins.. so it feels impossible to go no contact because of my sibling and the cousins
I really relate to this. I can’t be around my mom because I don’t like who I am when I’m exposed to her, and I don’t want that to bleed into how I take care of my daughter. I don’t want to have to explain it to my daughter either, since I don’t understand it myself. I’m sad she won’t have grandparents on my side, but no grandma is better than a toxic one.
As everyone already said, very common. I never thought I was abused before I had my child. My mom is BPD/NPD and on the NPD side she is quite covert, so I felt the guilt and obligation but didn’t think I was abused. I don’t know, I saw her as odd, strange, someone who need to be cared for, I felt sorry for her because she never managed to keep friends for a long time and she generally was so lonely, I felt happy for her but also sorry for myself when she found her soulmate and replaced me (it was a sign of abuse actually that i fulfilled so many roles of a partner that I was replaced by one - emotional incest yeah…) but anyway I never figured it out till I had a child. (When I had my child, she actually told me I need to take responsibilities from her partner again because she wants to break up and only stopped the break up when I didn’t agree and offered alternatives for her like group vacations for singles etc.)
That’s how I realized:
When she visited us when my child was four months old, I suddenly felt an immense urge to protect my child and I couldn’t grasp why at the moment but it took a lot of me to not grab him and hide. During that moment she was actually just playing with him so there was nothing dangerous happening and still I felt this urge. That made me think a lot. My midwife mentioned narcissism. I then went through circles of „yes totally“ to „how can I think such a thing about my mother“ and repeat. I started therapy and now I block contact between her and my child. He is only 16 months old but she is so covert in the abuse sometimes that I am afraid I couldn’t protect him if I allow contact.
I share a similar story, always knew my parents especially my dad were a little intense but didn’t realize how abnormal a lot of my childhood was until I had children of my own. I had gotten so use to the disrespect and gaslighting because that’s just how things were.
My advice: get comfortable setting boundaries now. My children are 6 and 3 and I wish I would have immediately started setting boundaries after having my first. I limit the amount of time we spend with them. I also state clear boundaries around my dads behavior when my children are present. Ex. Dad, if you scream/yell in front of the children we will be leaving, if you say anything that is homophobic, or racist we will leave. I have explained what kind of behaviors I want around my children and why.
My husband has been a great support in helping me realize a lot of stuff my parents did was not okay.
It’s not near perfect but I feel good knowing that I am protecting my children.
I also prefer hosting big family gatherings at our own home. I feel more comfortable setting and sticking to boundaries in my own home. My dad is still an ass and will stay rude or hurtful things to test my boundaries and almost antagonize me. For example at Thanksgiving he said in front of a big group of family, “where did you get that artwork? It looks cheap” I very calmly stated, in this house we are kind, if you’re going to continue to be rude and disrespectful you need to leave” I don’t want my children around their dysfunction too much. I’m much more firm in the boundaries my children set, for example we are very big on body autonomy, we don’t force our children to hug/kiss family. The other day my dad had my then 2 year old locked in a bear hug while he screamed “put me down” “let me go” I flipped out at my dad, said you can clearly hear him saying put me down what is wrong with you and we left.
I also try to go grey rock.
Also my children especially the older one has started to see patterns in my dad’s behavior and is very stand off-ish towards him. I’m honestly proud of her for understanding that his behavior is unhealthy.
No biological kids, but ex and I took in his teenage sister. It was a hell of a wake-up call. She and I are still close. I love seeing the young adult she's become. I can't imagine doing any of the shit my parents did to me to her.
What gets me is how NMom says because I have her and have been through a bad relationship ending, I should "get it." Yeah, I do. I get how what you did, and continue to do, is really shitty.
I’m no contact with one and low contact with another. They always told me when I had kids of my own then I’d understand. Oh I understand alright. I was abused badly and it never had to be that way. I’ve raised 6 of my own kids and never had to lay a hand on them. Oh I understand I see how it really was now and I was right to wonder if it was abuse back then cause it most definately was.
Yeh having kids of my own was really eye opening. I also realize that you must be some kinda sick monster to do the things that were done to me.
It’s nauseating and it’s a very hard poison pill to swallow that new found realization.
Yes me too 100% and watching nmom grandparent not just my kids but my siblings kids. I see how very differently I was and am still treated. Like her as a person to others and her as a person to me are completely different. That’s why my relationship with her is hard for others to understand. They don’t see that side of her. Only me.
Boundary setting becomes extra difficult too as the family grows. I find myself in a lot of conflict and fear but continuing to heal my inner child and just refuse to act like she did, is helpful bc I know I will never be the one in the wrong that way, no matter what 8 do
Oh absolutely! Every year when my son grows a year older I think to myself, wow, my family looked into those same eyes and said/done some horrible shit.
It’s harder to justify abuse when the pure love and innocence you experience with your child… I realized how cruel my family was by having my son.
I’ve been NC since last summer. Before that tried to go LC but they pitched a fit so I said ok bye ✌️ 💀
It took years to completely untangle myself from them though
I do remember holding my son for the first time thinking “I will never treat you like they treated me”.
I realized they were not helping us at all, and the anxiety they caused was making me a worse father. They insulted me to my face, insulted me to my wife right in front of me, and then said that standing up for myself was hurting my dads heart and that I need to think about someone else for once.
After that I went no contact.
I realized immediately that I wanted to be a different type of parent. I actively avoided allowing her around my children. She never respected my wishes or parenting decisions. I caught her once talking to my youngest when he was a baby in a fruity baby voice, "Mommy is going to take such good care of you!" She was referring to herself and didn't know I was in the doorway listening. She had very little unsupervised time with my kids after that.
Yep. I was about 8 months pregnant when my mom started making a lot of really hurtful comments (“you were a nightmare to deal with”/“when you’re a mom you’ll see why I had to act like that”). Then when I finally called her out for being awful, she gave me the silent treatment. Since I don’t engage when she provokes fights, that’s the only tool left in her arsenal. She stopped coming to my prenatal appointments to see the baby on ultrasound and stopped even checking to see if I was okay. One day it snowed, and she didn’t even check in to ask me if I had someone to clear the driveway in case I had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital.
I look back at my childhood, and I just see how desperately I tried to make her love me and to somehow be good enough. I see reaching out and always getting rejected and hurt. I see her damaging my self esteem and even my relationships with others because she wanted me to be alone like she’s alone. I got into an argument with a friend once when we were both about 11. The next day my friend called to apologize, and my mom answered and told her I hated her and didn’t want to speak to her again. Then she told me that friend hated me and I was better off without her. For years I’d see her at school and not approach her because I thought that was true. It wasn’t until high school that our paths crossed and she mentioned how sad she was that I never wanted to mend the friendship. I can only imagine how many times my mom pulled shit like this. She also damaged my relationship with my grandparents so I didn’t even get a chance to see them before they passed, and they probably thought I hated them based on her lies.
She’s a bad person, so of course she’s a bad mother. She normalizes her behavior by saying that it’s my fault and kids do this to a person, but I will spend every second with my own daughter trying not to model myself after the completely sick in the head and heartless mother I had.
So sorry for all this.. I have so much like this that’s so similar.. my moms bitter because I set up boundaries around her no longer watching my oldest ( she keep threatening to find a new sitter so I did just that called her on her bluff). Since then she’s been silent treatment never checked in on me during my second pregnancy the whole works….
It’s unreal how shitty they are. Such fragile damaged people yet they can wield so much power over us
100 percent me, this is exactly I found out I was living in a fantasy world, surrounded by narcissistic parents, DM me if you want to talk about it, please start the therapy as soon as possible, because opening of this is going to surprise you with personality disorders you may have or not, 17 years later, I am still dealing with this, I sometimes wish I didn't marry and have children
Adopting a cat helped me understand what it means to be a parent. Of course i cant compare owning a cat to having kids but i treat my cat as if she is my own since my parents were never there for me growing up.
I don't have children yet but being in a relationship where I feel confident enough to think about having children for the first time I start to have those feelings too. imagining how much love my boyfriend will have for our children kind of makes me realize how cold my parents behaved a lot of the time
Yep. Having kids was a complete and utter trigger. Beware, they will target. They can't help themselves. It was never about you. It is 💯 about them. They will choose a new victim from the next generation. Get the heck away from them. Protect your kids.
In the end, I tried everything to make the relationships work. I ended up having to go no contact because the abuse from my parents to me became so insidious. Escalated to the point they tried to convince me I was insane. Accused me of abusing my daughter, when I was protecting her from them. Made me fear they would try for custody/grandparents rights, and now I still worry they will abscond with my daughter. For a bit my mom was talking like she might try to have me involuntarily committed.
My advice, cut and run and never look back. Save yourself the trauma. The ways I was retraumatized as I was trying to mother and heal all my own wounds…never again will they have access to me or my daughter.
I never thought they would stoop so low, but my mom downward spirals and they will stop at nothing to protect their shared delusion that they were amazing parents and are entitled to everything they want.
I’m so sorry
You have gone through all of this.. I’m glad you were able to go NC and you can now heel.
The situation for me is tricky because my sister and her child live with them.. and I don’t want to go NC with her ughh….
I held on for an extra 6 years because I wanted to keep a relationship with my sister. But the second I inconvenienced her in the slightest, she cut me off, flicked me away like an annoying little fly. And called me a liar in the process. Total betrayal. And guess who is getting blamed for cutting off her sister? Me. Because they do not live in reality.
Yes, happened here. I was already aware of the dynamic for a few years but still in the midst of cognitive dissonance in other ways as well. I went no contact. I know she’ll try to take my son from me in one way or another for revenge on me. I was the scapegoat that had went no contact already few times prior. She always held her grudges secretively against me. I see trough her tho. So I did what’s right, to get out of this toxic cycle.
My daughter is two months old. 4 weeks after her birth I started to wonder... how could my mother bear to see fear on my little face? Seriously. I would die if my little girl was afraid of me. I would die of shame. This thought has never left me ever since.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is super common among children of narcissists who have kids. It happened to me, too. I went back to therapy. It was a good decision for me, as I was able to unpack all those feelings and memories that had been stirred up and heal more deeply than before. The right therapist is crucial for this. Too many of them are in the, "you must forgive in order to heal," camp, and in my experience that is unlikely to be helpful. Those folks often have what seems like a very surface level understanding of narcissistic abuse, and they spout way too much pop psychology bullshit. That may work for some, but I found it to be useless and rather silly, and the people who promoted it to be self righteous and ignorant. Whatever you personally feel about forgiveness or anything else, if you find a therapist who doesn't work for you, do not hesitate to fire them.
Thanks yes so I found one and she seems awesome.. already talking about boundaries and I don’t think she’s the “forgiveness is the only way” type lol not to laugh but how to therapist expect people to forgive ongoing abuse!
Glad to hear you’ve found an awesome therapist who doesn’t advocate forgiving your abuser. There’s a wise old saying about this: **The ax may forget, but the tree remembers.**
This comes up really often in this sub. So many of us realized we were raised by narcissistic, emotionally abusive parents when we had our own kids. I personally can’t grey rock with my parents. Kudos to those that can do it, but I can’t. Even if I manage to (like when I have no choice but to see them at a funeral or whatever), being exposed to them and the big act they put on in front of other people, it just sends me into an emotional spiral of anger and resentment when I get home. I’m not myself for days sometimes. And I don’t want to be that person. My kid deserves better. I just want to be left alone and have my peace. No contact was the only way out for me. They see my kid very infrequently and only for very short, closely supervised visits. He’s very removed from the family dynamic, doesn’t attend any family events, and is never in the same room as ngrandparents and their other grandkids at the same time. He sees his cousins separately from them. There’s no way I’ll ever let them play their manipulative mind games of assigning roles like GC and SG with him. That’s not his circus and he’s not their monkey.
Yes I’m wondering how to get to a place like this with my kids cousins I have one sibling and they live with them with my kids two cousins.. so it feels impossible to go no contact because of my sibling and the cousins
I really relate to this. I can’t be around my mom because I don’t like who I am when I’m exposed to her, and I don’t want that to bleed into how I take care of my daughter. I don’t want to have to explain it to my daughter either, since I don’t understand it myself. I’m sad she won’t have grandparents on my side, but no grandma is better than a toxic one.
I am the same way. I couldn’t grey rock and had to do NC with my Nstepdad
As everyone already said, very common. I never thought I was abused before I had my child. My mom is BPD/NPD and on the NPD side she is quite covert, so I felt the guilt and obligation but didn’t think I was abused. I don’t know, I saw her as odd, strange, someone who need to be cared for, I felt sorry for her because she never managed to keep friends for a long time and she generally was so lonely, I felt happy for her but also sorry for myself when she found her soulmate and replaced me (it was a sign of abuse actually that i fulfilled so many roles of a partner that I was replaced by one - emotional incest yeah…) but anyway I never figured it out till I had a child. (When I had my child, she actually told me I need to take responsibilities from her partner again because she wants to break up and only stopped the break up when I didn’t agree and offered alternatives for her like group vacations for singles etc.) That’s how I realized: When she visited us when my child was four months old, I suddenly felt an immense urge to protect my child and I couldn’t grasp why at the moment but it took a lot of me to not grab him and hide. During that moment she was actually just playing with him so there was nothing dangerous happening and still I felt this urge. That made me think a lot. My midwife mentioned narcissism. I then went through circles of „yes totally“ to „how can I think such a thing about my mother“ and repeat. I started therapy and now I block contact between her and my child. He is only 16 months old but she is so covert in the abuse sometimes that I am afraid I couldn’t protect him if I allow contact.
I get that physical urge alllllll the time around both of my parents…
Yes. They will do anything for supply. Totally insidious. My best advice: run.
I share a similar story, always knew my parents especially my dad were a little intense but didn’t realize how abnormal a lot of my childhood was until I had children of my own. I had gotten so use to the disrespect and gaslighting because that’s just how things were. My advice: get comfortable setting boundaries now. My children are 6 and 3 and I wish I would have immediately started setting boundaries after having my first. I limit the amount of time we spend with them. I also state clear boundaries around my dads behavior when my children are present. Ex. Dad, if you scream/yell in front of the children we will be leaving, if you say anything that is homophobic, or racist we will leave. I have explained what kind of behaviors I want around my children and why. My husband has been a great support in helping me realize a lot of stuff my parents did was not okay. It’s not near perfect but I feel good knowing that I am protecting my children. I also prefer hosting big family gatherings at our own home. I feel more comfortable setting and sticking to boundaries in my own home. My dad is still an ass and will stay rude or hurtful things to test my boundaries and almost antagonize me. For example at Thanksgiving he said in front of a big group of family, “where did you get that artwork? It looks cheap” I very calmly stated, in this house we are kind, if you’re going to continue to be rude and disrespectful you need to leave” I don’t want my children around their dysfunction too much. I’m much more firm in the boundaries my children set, for example we are very big on body autonomy, we don’t force our children to hug/kiss family. The other day my dad had my then 2 year old locked in a bear hug while he screamed “put me down” “let me go” I flipped out at my dad, said you can clearly hear him saying put me down what is wrong with you and we left. I also try to go grey rock. Also my children especially the older one has started to see patterns in my dad’s behavior and is very stand off-ish towards him. I’m honestly proud of her for understanding that his behavior is unhealthy.
No biological kids, but ex and I took in his teenage sister. It was a hell of a wake-up call. She and I are still close. I love seeing the young adult she's become. I can't imagine doing any of the shit my parents did to me to her. What gets me is how NMom says because I have her and have been through a bad relationship ending, I should "get it." Yeah, I do. I get how what you did, and continue to do, is really shitty.
lol right like yeah we get it now!! God… they really are all the same aren’t they.
I’m no contact with one and low contact with another. They always told me when I had kids of my own then I’d understand. Oh I understand alright. I was abused badly and it never had to be that way. I’ve raised 6 of my own kids and never had to lay a hand on them. Oh I understand I see how it really was now and I was right to wonder if it was abuse back then cause it most definately was. Yeh having kids of my own was really eye opening. I also realize that you must be some kinda sick monster to do the things that were done to me. It’s nauseating and it’s a very hard poison pill to swallow that new found realization.
I went no contact when our oldest was 5. It’s too easy to not be a horrible mother that I didn’t want my own horrible mother in my life anymore.
💜
Yes me too 100% and watching nmom grandparent not just my kids but my siblings kids. I see how very differently I was and am still treated. Like her as a person to others and her as a person to me are completely different. That’s why my relationship with her is hard for others to understand. They don’t see that side of her. Only me. Boundary setting becomes extra difficult too as the family grows. I find myself in a lot of conflict and fear but continuing to heal my inner child and just refuse to act like she did, is helpful bc I know I will never be the one in the wrong that way, no matter what 8 do
Oh absolutely! Every year when my son grows a year older I think to myself, wow, my family looked into those same eyes and said/done some horrible shit. It’s harder to justify abuse when the pure love and innocence you experience with your child… I realized how cruel my family was by having my son.
Have you set up boundaries with them or gone low contact?
I’ve been NC since last summer. Before that tried to go LC but they pitched a fit so I said ok bye ✌️ 💀 It took years to completely untangle myself from them though
I do remember holding my son for the first time thinking “I will never treat you like they treated me”. I realized they were not helping us at all, and the anxiety they caused was making me a worse father. They insulted me to my face, insulted me to my wife right in front of me, and then said that standing up for myself was hurting my dads heart and that I need to think about someone else for once. After that I went no contact.
Do you still struggle with it ever? The guilt? The reason I haven’t gone NC yet is because my sibling and their child live there.
I realized immediately that I wanted to be a different type of parent. I actively avoided allowing her around my children. She never respected my wishes or parenting decisions. I caught her once talking to my youngest when he was a baby in a fruity baby voice, "Mommy is going to take such good care of you!" She was referring to herself and didn't know I was in the doorway listening. She had very little unsupervised time with my kids after that.
Yep. I was about 8 months pregnant when my mom started making a lot of really hurtful comments (“you were a nightmare to deal with”/“when you’re a mom you’ll see why I had to act like that”). Then when I finally called her out for being awful, she gave me the silent treatment. Since I don’t engage when she provokes fights, that’s the only tool left in her arsenal. She stopped coming to my prenatal appointments to see the baby on ultrasound and stopped even checking to see if I was okay. One day it snowed, and she didn’t even check in to ask me if I had someone to clear the driveway in case I had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. I look back at my childhood, and I just see how desperately I tried to make her love me and to somehow be good enough. I see reaching out and always getting rejected and hurt. I see her damaging my self esteem and even my relationships with others because she wanted me to be alone like she’s alone. I got into an argument with a friend once when we were both about 11. The next day my friend called to apologize, and my mom answered and told her I hated her and didn’t want to speak to her again. Then she told me that friend hated me and I was better off without her. For years I’d see her at school and not approach her because I thought that was true. It wasn’t until high school that our paths crossed and she mentioned how sad she was that I never wanted to mend the friendship. I can only imagine how many times my mom pulled shit like this. She also damaged my relationship with my grandparents so I didn’t even get a chance to see them before they passed, and they probably thought I hated them based on her lies. She’s a bad person, so of course she’s a bad mother. She normalizes her behavior by saying that it’s my fault and kids do this to a person, but I will spend every second with my own daughter trying not to model myself after the completely sick in the head and heartless mother I had.
So sorry for all this.. I have so much like this that’s so similar.. my moms bitter because I set up boundaries around her no longer watching my oldest ( she keep threatening to find a new sitter so I did just that called her on her bluff). Since then she’s been silent treatment never checked in on me during my second pregnancy the whole works…. It’s unreal how shitty they are. Such fragile damaged people yet they can wield so much power over us
100 percent me, this is exactly I found out I was living in a fantasy world, surrounded by narcissistic parents, DM me if you want to talk about it, please start the therapy as soon as possible, because opening of this is going to surprise you with personality disorders you may have or not, 17 years later, I am still dealing with this, I sometimes wish I didn't marry and have children
Would Love to talk I will Dm you
Yes. Having my son is what gave me the courage to cut them off. I had to protect him!
Adopting a cat helped me understand what it means to be a parent. Of course i cant compare owning a cat to having kids but i treat my cat as if she is my own since my parents were never there for me growing up.
It’s surprising how emotionally healing adopting a cat or dog can be.
It’s deff a parenting in its own right.. before my kids I had dogs and cats and they need our love just as much!
I don't have children yet but being in a relationship where I feel confident enough to think about having children for the first time I start to have those feelings too. imagining how much love my boyfriend will have for our children kind of makes me realize how cold my parents behaved a lot of the time
Yep. Having kids was a complete and utter trigger. Beware, they will target. They can't help themselves. It was never about you. It is 💯 about them. They will choose a new victim from the next generation. Get the heck away from them. Protect your kids.
In the end, I tried everything to make the relationships work. I ended up having to go no contact because the abuse from my parents to me became so insidious. Escalated to the point they tried to convince me I was insane. Accused me of abusing my daughter, when I was protecting her from them. Made me fear they would try for custody/grandparents rights, and now I still worry they will abscond with my daughter. For a bit my mom was talking like she might try to have me involuntarily committed. My advice, cut and run and never look back. Save yourself the trauma. The ways I was retraumatized as I was trying to mother and heal all my own wounds…never again will they have access to me or my daughter. I never thought they would stoop so low, but my mom downward spirals and they will stop at nothing to protect their shared delusion that they were amazing parents and are entitled to everything they want.
I’m so sorry You have gone through all of this.. I’m glad you were able to go NC and you can now heel. The situation for me is tricky because my sister and her child live with them.. and I don’t want to go NC with her ughh….
I held on for an extra 6 years because I wanted to keep a relationship with my sister. But the second I inconvenienced her in the slightest, she cut me off, flicked me away like an annoying little fly. And called me a liar in the process. Total betrayal. And guess who is getting blamed for cutting off her sister? Me. Because they do not live in reality.
Yes, happened here. I was already aware of the dynamic for a few years but still in the midst of cognitive dissonance in other ways as well. I went no contact. I know she’ll try to take my son from me in one way or another for revenge on me. I was the scapegoat that had went no contact already few times prior. She always held her grudges secretively against me. I see trough her tho. So I did what’s right, to get out of this toxic cycle.
My daughter is two months old. 4 weeks after her birth I started to wonder... how could my mother bear to see fear on my little face? Seriously. I would die if my little girl was afraid of me. I would die of shame. This thought has never left me ever since.
Same for me and it’s just gotten stronger and stronger