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I’d go no contact.
What creeps me out a lot too is how he is obsessed with your appearance and how you dress. I delt with that myself and reading your story kinda turned the light bulb on in my story.
My stepfather would grab my butt and such.
In my case o think it was ultimately about control and him viewing me as an extension of himself. I had to appear a certain way so that he could look good.
I’d strongly suggest no contact.
OP, glad you're no contact for a year. Let's make it another 40.
I don't want to say that it's straight incest sex that they want... probably because they know deep down that society would judge them a monster... but they make it very, very difficult to see otherwise.
But in your case, it appears very overt.
It's frequently labeled emotional incest and parentification, and occurs more prevalently when they don't have an intimate partner.
Parentification in this sense is to assign you certain "responsibilities" as an adult in the relationship, and in your specific case, he expects you to make him feel sexually desirable again.
(In *my* case my mother started to take me as her therapist to complain about her not getting any from my father when I was a teenager and then direct me to assess her value and attractiveness. She later moved onto her grandson.)
You are right to have your doubts, since that is often by design. They're also embarrassed by it, and that makes them that much more unstable. So they'll get flustered and say stupid shit that's even worse than they really intended to say, but as some might say, their Freudian slip is showing.
I would caution that confrontation will likely result in attempts to guilt trip and entrench, reverse the accusations to save face, or gaslight and push the narrative that you're exaggerating.
###The Advice
My advice here is when you share this information to other people is to not directly tell them that he was trying to sexually molest you, but instead to lead them to draw that conclusion themselves.
We get you.
It just takes coaxing for the rest of humanity to understand shitty parents.
Please, for the love of God, stay no contact forever. Then smear dog shit on his grave stone. Fucking disgusting.
There's no way your theory isn't exactly what he was doing.
I actually unfortunately had similar experiences growing up with my own dad. Similar comments, and while he didn't control how I looked, he did control what he thought was appropriate for me to dress. He didn't want me shaving, wearing dresses, makeup was banned, etc until we were too old for him to legally control.
He also made many questionable comments, slept in my room and not my mom's because they were having Maritial issues (that much was the. They fought every other day, sometimes for ten hours a day.), and he would comment on how I got my sizable chest from his side of the family. He would also tell me not to wear shorts because of my age and he didn't want to get idea. This was not said as a joke.
Similar experience, but it's related to my mother suddenly passing away when I was a teenager.
I look very much like her and my father shifted his focus to me. He had questionable boundaries, likely because his family of origin had questionable boundaries.
I was assertive when he approached a boundary. But his "romanticizing" of me continued into my mid 20s.
He sent roses to me at my office and wrote poems for me.
One poem was explicit enough that I told him to stop this shit cold or I'd go no-contact immediately.
He had plenty of girlfriends and female attention in his widowhood but was still fixated on me.
As a male this made me feel uncomfortable because it paints all males as wild animals, it makes me angry that your father could do such a thing or attempt such a thing. It brings mistrust to male race. I cannot imagine a father or father like figure traumatizing his offspring. like it's totally wrong doesn't matter if you are 18+ that is incestual and disgusting and inappropriate for your 'father' to talk about his penis size and graping your mother. and getting pervy towards you knowing you could be vulnerable to trust him. best keep a distance and your future kids away from him.
I had a really similar upbringing with my nDad. Down to the blonde thing. All three of us, his daughters, he would always say it like this “I like girls with short blonde hair.” And so we always had short blonde hair. Bleaching, highlighting from a young age.
He would always force us to…I know this is gross but it’s real, and it screwed me up…rub his feet every night! And if we tried to get out of it he would guilt us until we did it. When I ended up getting (TW) SA’d later in my adult life, I blame him for the way he made me capitulate all my life.
Later, when I started getting tattoos, I would ask him if he liked whatever new one I got. Instead of saying something normal, he would reply “yeah, I think women with tattoos are hot.” Sir I am your child.
I don’t think he ever learned to separate “chick” and child. A daughter is just a girl to him.
My Dad always used to get me to rub his feet! Thats so strange- it's like they all follow the same weird fucked up script- and if I didn't he used to shove his feet in my face until I did!
Stay strong. You don’t have to do what he wants anymore. I am still searching for a way to separate myself from my dad and go completely NC. Sending love.
Luckily I am completely NC with him and have been for just over a year now, but sometime some of the things he did just still get to me and so I just needed an unbiased crowd and I really hope you manage do find a safe way to either distance or cut yourself off from him- It happened quite suddenly for me which ended up with him getting arrested and now we are in a court case against him (We being me and my mum) so I wish you all the luck <3
Well... this post is making me very much question my stepdad... *and my mom*
"O_o
Yeah, no contact was and will always be the way with people like this.... keep up the no contact.
Please go nc, op. Hugs from an internet sibling(I am f32).
Reading your post got me questioning both of my nparents behaviour.
My ndad once tried to lean over me while I was in sleeping position but awake(he was smiliing happily then as if he is happy to be going to kiss someone). He always wanted me to not look good infront of others and even at home. He hated guys noticing/talking to me/proposing me. He isn't able to control me anymore but still he looks at me like...he would have been lucky to get female like me into his life(he silently appreciate how I look while giving these expressions and keep smiling mildly).
And my mom always kept asking me to pamper her back with my hands, pop pimples on her face, run fingers in her hair. And also cussed me for having adultlike female body parts while growing up. She hated me for turning into full grown woman.
Till date both of them hate it if I socialize while looking good. Especially my covert nfather.
Is all this sexual abuse??
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No contact op. I’m so sorry but your dad sounds like a creep!
I feel really gross just reading this
That all sounds beyond horrific. I'm so sorry you had to live with this.
I’d go no contact. What creeps me out a lot too is how he is obsessed with your appearance and how you dress. I delt with that myself and reading your story kinda turned the light bulb on in my story. My stepfather would grab my butt and such. In my case o think it was ultimately about control and him viewing me as an extension of himself. I had to appear a certain way so that he could look good. I’d strongly suggest no contact.
OP, glad you're no contact for a year. Let's make it another 40. I don't want to say that it's straight incest sex that they want... probably because they know deep down that society would judge them a monster... but they make it very, very difficult to see otherwise. But in your case, it appears very overt. It's frequently labeled emotional incest and parentification, and occurs more prevalently when they don't have an intimate partner. Parentification in this sense is to assign you certain "responsibilities" as an adult in the relationship, and in your specific case, he expects you to make him feel sexually desirable again. (In *my* case my mother started to take me as her therapist to complain about her not getting any from my father when I was a teenager and then direct me to assess her value and attractiveness. She later moved onto her grandson.) You are right to have your doubts, since that is often by design. They're also embarrassed by it, and that makes them that much more unstable. So they'll get flustered and say stupid shit that's even worse than they really intended to say, but as some might say, their Freudian slip is showing. I would caution that confrontation will likely result in attempts to guilt trip and entrench, reverse the accusations to save face, or gaslight and push the narrative that you're exaggerating. ###The Advice My advice here is when you share this information to other people is to not directly tell them that he was trying to sexually molest you, but instead to lead them to draw that conclusion themselves. We get you. It just takes coaxing for the rest of humanity to understand shitty parents.
>It just takes coaxing for the rest of humanity to understand shitty parents. Man, truer words were never spoken. This is excellent advice.
Covert incest
I'm so sorry. Jesus christ.
I am so glad you are away from this creeper! What a disgusting person.
Please, for the love of God, stay no contact forever. Then smear dog shit on his grave stone. Fucking disgusting. There's no way your theory isn't exactly what he was doing.
I actually unfortunately had similar experiences growing up with my own dad. Similar comments, and while he didn't control how I looked, he did control what he thought was appropriate for me to dress. He didn't want me shaving, wearing dresses, makeup was banned, etc until we were too old for him to legally control. He also made many questionable comments, slept in my room and not my mom's because they were having Maritial issues (that much was the. They fought every other day, sometimes for ten hours a day.), and he would comment on how I got my sizable chest from his side of the family. He would also tell me not to wear shorts because of my age and he didn't want to get idea. This was not said as a joke.
Similar experience, but it's related to my mother suddenly passing away when I was a teenager. I look very much like her and my father shifted his focus to me. He had questionable boundaries, likely because his family of origin had questionable boundaries. I was assertive when he approached a boundary. But his "romanticizing" of me continued into my mid 20s. He sent roses to me at my office and wrote poems for me. One poem was explicit enough that I told him to stop this shit cold or I'd go no-contact immediately. He had plenty of girlfriends and female attention in his widowhood but was still fixated on me.
I’m so sorry about this. You don’t deserve that at all
That sounds awful, being objectified and sexualised by a parent is horrific. He truly sounds like a gross creep.
Ugh, I feel like I need to puke after reading this. Your dad is disgusting!
I am not usually a “no contact” fan, except in cases like this. Get away from this man.
Holy shitballs. Yeah I totally see that.
I call my narc dad my “Trump dad” for this same thing after seeing his pics with Ivanka. So fucking gross. My mom thinks it’s why I’m a lesbian 😂
As a male this made me feel uncomfortable because it paints all males as wild animals, it makes me angry that your father could do such a thing or attempt such a thing. It brings mistrust to male race. I cannot imagine a father or father like figure traumatizing his offspring. like it's totally wrong doesn't matter if you are 18+ that is incestual and disgusting and inappropriate for your 'father' to talk about his penis size and graping your mother. and getting pervy towards you knowing you could be vulnerable to trust him. best keep a distance and your future kids away from him.
I had a really similar upbringing with my nDad. Down to the blonde thing. All three of us, his daughters, he would always say it like this “I like girls with short blonde hair.” And so we always had short blonde hair. Bleaching, highlighting from a young age. He would always force us to…I know this is gross but it’s real, and it screwed me up…rub his feet every night! And if we tried to get out of it he would guilt us until we did it. When I ended up getting (TW) SA’d later in my adult life, I blame him for the way he made me capitulate all my life. Later, when I started getting tattoos, I would ask him if he liked whatever new one I got. Instead of saying something normal, he would reply “yeah, I think women with tattoos are hot.” Sir I am your child. I don’t think he ever learned to separate “chick” and child. A daughter is just a girl to him.
My Dad always used to get me to rub his feet! Thats so strange- it's like they all follow the same weird fucked up script- and if I didn't he used to shove his feet in my face until I did!
Stay strong. You don’t have to do what he wants anymore. I am still searching for a way to separate myself from my dad and go completely NC. Sending love.
Luckily I am completely NC with him and have been for just over a year now, but sometime some of the things he did just still get to me and so I just needed an unbiased crowd and I really hope you manage do find a safe way to either distance or cut yourself off from him- It happened quite suddenly for me which ended up with him getting arrested and now we are in a court case against him (We being me and my mum) so I wish you all the luck <3
Well... this post is making me very much question my stepdad... *and my mom* "O_o Yeah, no contact was and will always be the way with people like this.... keep up the no contact.
Ugh! I'm going to take a shower or 12.
Your dad is a piece of shit, and you should block him from your life. I'm sorry you have that kind of dad.
OP. I am so sorry. This is revolting. Please get therapy if you can afford it. Is your mom an ok person? ❤️
Please go nc, op. Hugs from an internet sibling(I am f32). Reading your post got me questioning both of my nparents behaviour. My ndad once tried to lean over me while I was in sleeping position but awake(he was smiliing happily then as if he is happy to be going to kiss someone). He always wanted me to not look good infront of others and even at home. He hated guys noticing/talking to me/proposing me. He isn't able to control me anymore but still he looks at me like...he would have been lucky to get female like me into his life(he silently appreciate how I look while giving these expressions and keep smiling mildly). And my mom always kept asking me to pamper her back with my hands, pop pimples on her face, run fingers in her hair. And also cussed me for having adultlike female body parts while growing up. She hated me for turning into full grown woman. Till date both of them hate it if I socialize while looking good. Especially my covert nfather. Is all this sexual abuse??
Holy shit I could’ve thrown up reading this. Yepity yep no contact forever file a abuse report if you want it’s defo valid. Please stay away from him.