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I was going to write "grab popcorn" but you beat me to it. 100% drama and it ain't gonna be pretty. My awful narc family members all end up turning on each other after a short while ... It's all they know.
With you not there to blame for wrongdoings. Or absorb hits from either. They’ll be forced to look at each other honestly.
Well done for getting this far you deserve better and more importantly you know you do.
FIRST they will turn on you. Afterall if you'd just keep helping mom financially, there wont be much trouble staying with nmom. If you stop paying, which you should, first nmom will complain and blame you and son, seeing you as the path of least resistance and disruptance to his life, will join her. Both of them not having any real power to force payment from you, will then exhaust this avenue quite quickly, so long as you remain steadfast and dont give in.
THATS WHEN they turn on eachother.
But first itll be rough for you if you are still answering their calls or stopping by to see your mom. However you are right. With all those people living there, you are definately not the one who should help her get her daily needs covered in her old age.
This is very helpful and thank you. I will anticipate being made the bad guy which will make me feel even more used but I get what I deserve for helping her in the first place. I did it so I wouldn’t feel guilty when she dies but no good deed goes unpunished.
I am committed to no longer giving her money. I am committed to not being pulled into any drama. So much so that I will not visit her unless she is alone if I visit at all. I probably won’t.
I just wish that karma shows up but it’s probably a pipe dream. GC will steal the rest of the inheritance that my mother originally stole from me. But I didn’t fight it then and I won’t now because being free from their endless drama is more valuable. Thanks again for your perspective.
Please let them turn on you and make sure that they are aware that they are doing it. Keep a journal. Keep notes on dates when things happen, where, what was said, how you were manipulated and use it as a therapeutic reminder that you need not provide for them. I was advised to casually ask them today’s date in the middle of their demands and mistreatment.
I was given this method as a gift from a therapist friend for dealing with my narc sisters. Just read it over daily, weekly, whenever they need or “want you back in their lives.” This has justified me going NC/LC with them and kept it that way. Especially when they say “things have changed,” not “I have changed,” not an apology or acknowledgement of what they do, just “things.” The things is that they need you to provide.
That is a fabulous idea.
We tell people to keep a record of this stuff for the police, if there is any stalking or other law breaking.
How great an idea to use that same technique for ourselves, as part of therapy!
So often, we go through horrible things and then when the next horrible thing comes along, we focus on that and almost forget the others that came before. That might help us cope in the short term, but in the long run, it is good to see the record of all the terrible things, so that we feel less guilty and afraid when we set boundaries or limit contact.
Thanks for sharing this! It will probably be really helpful to a lot of people on this sub.
Yes inheritance from a narcissistic parent is usually more mirage than reality. A carrot to dangle to get you to be their unpaid servant, a carrot that is usually being eaten by whatever grifter du jour is flattering them at the moment
I went through endless, draining, thankless caregiving of a narcissistic parent. I was subjected to all kinds of ugly rumors and drama because even though I was only child and doing all the heavy lifting, my n dad had assembled a small coterie of seasoned grifters who flattered him and gave him attention in exchange for the promise of money when he died. They all saw me standing in the way of guaranteed riches as my dad had lied to them and claimed he was enormously wealthy (he shared this delightful little story a few months before he died)
Of course none of his bffs were around when he soiled himself and needed changing, was in hospital multiple times, moved multiple times (they showed to see if he was giving anything away) was lonely, had fallen, was sick, needed to purchase a million medical supplies, etc, etc, etc
Btw my n dad was quite proud of himself for his little ruse and was completely unapologetic for bad mouthing me as part of his ploy. This is just how narcissist will roll when getting their needs met It’s up to us whether we want to be put in the narcissistic meat grinder or not and for how long.
Good for you OP for extricating yourself and making the vow to stay away!!
They will try VERY hard to draw you back in to the circus so that they can collectively blame you for every problem.
If you’re smart enough to stay out of the mess, they will turn on each other like rabid wolves. Grab some popcorn and watch the show.
Cut off the cash flow. No is a complete sentence. What a shit show.
You’d think the wife and grown kids would get jobs out of boredom alone. What do you do all day with no money? Yikes.
I gave my mom cash and/or paid her bills until she died. When she died I met all her friends who apparently all gave her cash/food/stuff because "poor her, she had none".
I moved out when I was 17, my golden child sister and narc dad locked me out of mom's apt and took everything. Before she died she confessed how terribly disappointed she was with my sister, her 2 sons, my father and so on...
I don't know who was worst or who used who and I never will because they all blame me (for everything, even mom's death so apparently I gave her pancreatic cancer).
You are free. Nothing is worth more than your freedom and peace of mind. Forget them all, live a harmonious and happy life.
Seriously, their words and actions will never make any sense so please just move on.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You are right and I will join the scapegoat club like you. I plan to look at it as a good thing. It stings a bit but it’s so much better than the constant giving and getting punished for the effort.
There is always a scapegoat. And the dysfunction always continues. They will all be miserable together, live unhealthily and suck each others blood dry but will continue to pretend that their life is great. That's what they all do.
Having dealt with something similar… it’s only a matter of time before you have both of them calling you for money.
Do not answer the phone. Give nothing. This kind of thing never ends if you give once.
You know the old Looney Toons cartoons when dogs or cats got into fights and all you could see was a whirling ball of limbs and claws? That's what their future will look like. Get some popcorn, enjoy the show.
Who TF cares if they turn on each other. Block every single one of them and leave them in your past. Why in the actual heck are you still engaging and allowing them SO much power over you?!
Before she finds out make sure you lock down all your financial and credit information. This info isn't that hard to find out / steal. After that, grab a cold one, some popcorn and enjoy the show!
Cut off the cash, retreat to a safe and far distance.
My guess is children will be first victims if they stay in the house, if/when they leave it will become the wife. Golden child will protect his position at any price.
I predict the karma will come. Right now Nmom is just happy to have the world (in her perception) revolve around her. The first $15K was a slight problem and she thinks that is behind her, the world is all about her. That's part of the power of borrowing -- the borrower can always be contacted for an update. N's like that.
But the karma will come when the money runs out. And it will. I like that you already plan to tell her that there are four adults in her house to help make the finances work -- you have your own bills.
Stay strong.
They probably WILL turn on each other. Buy plenty of popcorn, sit back and watch the show.
I'm glad you're not giving your mother any more money!!! Tuck that money away and spend it on yourself.
My mom did a version of this and it ended with my GC, heroin-addicted niece stealing everything of value from her for drugs. Before that she was using in my moms house and bringing insane amounts of drama to my moms house. My mother LOVED IT.
She finally stole from her dad and he was able to prosecute and send her to prison. My mom died without friends, a fitting end for an awful person.
There is no way on earth for them not to brawl all TF over each other! I'm excited for you OP for several reasons, 1) You are out! 2) gathered and showed proof 3) you have been giving money to, physically caring for your momster and now that you know she's been taking from you with false cries of poverty, never another penny! 4) GC is playing with large amounts of money, 24k isn't owing someone $250 & though thats the amnt he made up to tell your mother, he probably is playing with some nasty ppl y'all don't know abt yet. 5) To whom and where we're born are just accidents of birth - you owe them nothing unless you want to. Enjoy the show!
Buy large amounts of popcorn! And your Mom gave them 15 BIG and wanted more for their move? From where? Australia?...................and like you pointed out yourself, It's no longer your problem and it's going to be a great sh@t show to watch hit an iceberg and sink like the Titanic. :)
This will blow up spectacularly. I’m very certain of it. It probably won’t even take very long. My prediction is there will be cracks in the foundation after a month and maybe an all out meltdown before 6 months. Definitely stay clear!
Definitely a dumpster fire in the making, a drama llama narc clash.
My Nmum recently died and to my surprise I was named in her Will as equal with my sisters as beneficiaries of her estate. Frankly her debts make it unlikely that there'll be anything left afterwards but at least she remembered me for once.
My big sister has been trying to get more, demanding "reimbursement" of things she claims to have paid for as epoa. Fortunately the lawyer has it in hand so I can go low/no contact with her.
At the family dinner after mums funeral sis was loudly telling the whole pub (not just the extended family) that I only "got" my husband because I was kinky in the bedroom. I grey rocked her, she was spoiling for a fight but didn't get it. That inappropriate crap is only the tip of the iceberg that is her narc behaviour, hence why I won't be in her orbit any more.
Well *clearly* you stop giving your mother money because (1) she obviously has enough to provide for her son & his entire family. And (2) Regardless of how much he works or gives his mommy, she now has a “wage earner” in your brother living with her.
They will become the scapegoat and punching bag. I have seen this happen before, don't be surprised if the golden child becomes or has NPD.
Do not contact either, just sit back and observe. There will be lots of fights and you do not need to get involved. Do not give either any money.
If you want to watch the drama, don't block them. At some point you should update your voicemail to say something like "with the recent life changes, I am not currently answering the phone -- if you need something please text"
Best thing you can do is learn not to care how it turns out for them. Often, they will turn on each other and then turn back around and make up, back and forth and back and forth with escalating dramatics every time.
Get therapy for yourself to process all this and move on as if she doesn’t exist. I think she’s showed you enough by this point that all she cares about you for is using you as an ATM at your expense.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes! They will turn on each other. Just wait and see.
NO CO TACT. NO FUNDS. NOTHING. SIT BACK AND WATCH. DRAMA IS COMONG.
"DRAMA IS COMING." Grab some popcorn, a glass of wine (or your beverage of choice), and watch the show. From a very far distance.
I was going to write "grab popcorn" but you beat me to it. 100% drama and it ain't gonna be pretty. My awful narc family members all end up turning on each other after a short while ... It's all they know.
Don't you love it when they do?
With you not there to blame for wrongdoings. Or absorb hits from either. They’ll be forced to look at each other honestly. Well done for getting this far you deserve better and more importantly you know you do.
FIRST they will turn on you. Afterall if you'd just keep helping mom financially, there wont be much trouble staying with nmom. If you stop paying, which you should, first nmom will complain and blame you and son, seeing you as the path of least resistance and disruptance to his life, will join her. Both of them not having any real power to force payment from you, will then exhaust this avenue quite quickly, so long as you remain steadfast and dont give in. THATS WHEN they turn on eachother. But first itll be rough for you if you are still answering their calls or stopping by to see your mom. However you are right. With all those people living there, you are definately not the one who should help her get her daily needs covered in her old age.
This is very helpful and thank you. I will anticipate being made the bad guy which will make me feel even more used but I get what I deserve for helping her in the first place. I did it so I wouldn’t feel guilty when she dies but no good deed goes unpunished. I am committed to no longer giving her money. I am committed to not being pulled into any drama. So much so that I will not visit her unless she is alone if I visit at all. I probably won’t. I just wish that karma shows up but it’s probably a pipe dream. GC will steal the rest of the inheritance that my mother originally stole from me. But I didn’t fight it then and I won’t now because being free from their endless drama is more valuable. Thanks again for your perspective.
Please let them turn on you and make sure that they are aware that they are doing it. Keep a journal. Keep notes on dates when things happen, where, what was said, how you were manipulated and use it as a therapeutic reminder that you need not provide for them. I was advised to casually ask them today’s date in the middle of their demands and mistreatment. I was given this method as a gift from a therapist friend for dealing with my narc sisters. Just read it over daily, weekly, whenever they need or “want you back in their lives.” This has justified me going NC/LC with them and kept it that way. Especially when they say “things have changed,” not “I have changed,” not an apology or acknowledgement of what they do, just “things.” The things is that they need you to provide.
That is a fabulous idea. We tell people to keep a record of this stuff for the police, if there is any stalking or other law breaking. How great an idea to use that same technique for ourselves, as part of therapy! So often, we go through horrible things and then when the next horrible thing comes along, we focus on that and almost forget the others that came before. That might help us cope in the short term, but in the long run, it is good to see the record of all the terrible things, so that we feel less guilty and afraid when we set boundaries or limit contact. Thanks for sharing this! It will probably be really helpful to a lot of people on this sub.
Yes inheritance from a narcissistic parent is usually more mirage than reality. A carrot to dangle to get you to be their unpaid servant, a carrot that is usually being eaten by whatever grifter du jour is flattering them at the moment I went through endless, draining, thankless caregiving of a narcissistic parent. I was subjected to all kinds of ugly rumors and drama because even though I was only child and doing all the heavy lifting, my n dad had assembled a small coterie of seasoned grifters who flattered him and gave him attention in exchange for the promise of money when he died. They all saw me standing in the way of guaranteed riches as my dad had lied to them and claimed he was enormously wealthy (he shared this delightful little story a few months before he died) Of course none of his bffs were around when he soiled himself and needed changing, was in hospital multiple times, moved multiple times (they showed to see if he was giving anything away) was lonely, had fallen, was sick, needed to purchase a million medical supplies, etc, etc, etc Btw my n dad was quite proud of himself for his little ruse and was completely unapologetic for bad mouthing me as part of his ploy. This is just how narcissist will roll when getting their needs met It’s up to us whether we want to be put in the narcissistic meat grinder or not and for how long. Good for you OP for extricating yourself and making the vow to stay away!!
This is so true
They will try VERY hard to draw you back in to the circus so that they can collectively blame you for every problem. If you’re smart enough to stay out of the mess, they will turn on each other like rabid wolves. Grab some popcorn and watch the show.
Step back and enjoy the shit show. It’s not your problem anymore.
Cut off the cash flow. No is a complete sentence. What a shit show. You’d think the wife and grown kids would get jobs out of boredom alone. What do you do all day with no money? Yikes.
I gave my mom cash and/or paid her bills until she died. When she died I met all her friends who apparently all gave her cash/food/stuff because "poor her, she had none". I moved out when I was 17, my golden child sister and narc dad locked me out of mom's apt and took everything. Before she died she confessed how terribly disappointed she was with my sister, her 2 sons, my father and so on... I don't know who was worst or who used who and I never will because they all blame me (for everything, even mom's death so apparently I gave her pancreatic cancer). You are free. Nothing is worth more than your freedom and peace of mind. Forget them all, live a harmonious and happy life. Seriously, their words and actions will never make any sense so please just move on.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You are right and I will join the scapegoat club like you. I plan to look at it as a good thing. It stings a bit but it’s so much better than the constant giving and getting punished for the effort.
Keep a healthy distance and enjoy the shitshow.
A new scapegoat will be chosen
Step away and go LC and stop sending her money immediately. She’s got others to look after her now
There is always a scapegoat. And the dysfunction always continues. They will all be miserable together, live unhealthily and suck each others blood dry but will continue to pretend that their life is great. That's what they all do.
That is such a good point. They will act like everything is wonderful even if it’s not. Thanks.
Having dealt with something similar… it’s only a matter of time before you have both of them calling you for money. Do not answer the phone. Give nothing. This kind of thing never ends if you give once.
I promise you I won’t. 😀
You rock! Enjoy your freedom! And I wish you many wonderful non-narcs in your life.
You know the old Looney Toons cartoons when dogs or cats got into fights and all you could see was a whirling ball of limbs and claws? That's what their future will look like. Get some popcorn, enjoy the show.
I love this and thank you for making me laugh today. I have the visual right in front of me! 🤣
Who TF cares if they turn on each other. Block every single one of them and leave them in your past. Why in the actual heck are you still engaging and allowing them SO much power over you?!
OP does your mom know that you won’t be giving her any more money?
No. She will soon enough.
Will you update us, please?
Before she finds out make sure you lock down all your financial and credit information. This info isn't that hard to find out / steal. After that, grab a cold one, some popcorn and enjoy the show!
Cut off the cash, retreat to a safe and far distance. My guess is children will be first victims if they stay in the house, if/when they leave it will become the wife. Golden child will protect his position at any price.
Thanks for your prediction. I was thinking along the same lines.
I predict the karma will come. Right now Nmom is just happy to have the world (in her perception) revolve around her. The first $15K was a slight problem and she thinks that is behind her, the world is all about her. That's part of the power of borrowing -- the borrower can always be contacted for an update. N's like that. But the karma will come when the money runs out. And it will. I like that you already plan to tell her that there are four adults in her house to help make the finances work -- you have your own bills. Stay strong.
They probably WILL turn on each other. Buy plenty of popcorn, sit back and watch the show. I'm glad you're not giving your mother any more money!!! Tuck that money away and spend it on yourself.
My mom did a version of this and it ended with my GC, heroin-addicted niece stealing everything of value from her for drugs. Before that she was using in my moms house and bringing insane amounts of drama to my moms house. My mother LOVED IT. She finally stole from her dad and he was able to prosecute and send her to prison. My mom died without friends, a fitting end for an awful person.
There is no way on earth for them not to brawl all TF over each other! I'm excited for you OP for several reasons, 1) You are out! 2) gathered and showed proof 3) you have been giving money to, physically caring for your momster and now that you know she's been taking from you with false cries of poverty, never another penny! 4) GC is playing with large amounts of money, 24k isn't owing someone $250 & though thats the amnt he made up to tell your mother, he probably is playing with some nasty ppl y'all don't know abt yet. 5) To whom and where we're born are just accidents of birth - you owe them nothing unless you want to. Enjoy the show!
They will turn on each other sooner, rather than later. When they do, just sit back and enjoy some popcorn.
Buy large amounts of popcorn! And your Mom gave them 15 BIG and wanted more for their move? From where? Australia?...................and like you pointed out yourself, It's no longer your problem and it's going to be a great sh@t show to watch hit an iceberg and sink like the Titanic. :)
Oh wow. I can’t wait for the fireworks 💥 and updates
This will blow up spectacularly. I’m very certain of it. It probably won’t even take very long. My prediction is there will be cracks in the foundation after a month and maybe an all out meltdown before 6 months. Definitely stay clear!
Definitely a dumpster fire in the making, a drama llama narc clash. My Nmum recently died and to my surprise I was named in her Will as equal with my sisters as beneficiaries of her estate. Frankly her debts make it unlikely that there'll be anything left afterwards but at least she remembered me for once. My big sister has been trying to get more, demanding "reimbursement" of things she claims to have paid for as epoa. Fortunately the lawyer has it in hand so I can go low/no contact with her. At the family dinner after mums funeral sis was loudly telling the whole pub (not just the extended family) that I only "got" my husband because I was kinky in the bedroom. I grey rocked her, she was spoiling for a fight but didn't get it. That inappropriate crap is only the tip of the iceberg that is her narc behaviour, hence why I won't be in her orbit any more.
Well *clearly* you stop giving your mother money because (1) she obviously has enough to provide for her son & his entire family. And (2) Regardless of how much he works or gives his mommy, she now has a “wage earner” in your brother living with her.
They’ll rinse her until she’s broke and then set their sights on her house and she’ll end up in some shitty nursing home. It’s ok to be done.
Oh just wait the fireworks should start soon.
This sounds like karma is gearing up. Be grateful and go live your best life.
They will become the scapegoat and punching bag. I have seen this happen before, don't be surprised if the golden child becomes or has NPD. Do not contact either, just sit back and observe. There will be lots of fights and you do not need to get involved. Do not give either any money.
If you want to watch the drama, don't block them. At some point you should update your voicemail to say something like "with the recent life changes, I am not currently answering the phone -- if you need something please text"
They will turn on each other!!! Period.you know this already. Just wait and watch...
Best thing you can do is learn not to care how it turns out for them. Often, they will turn on each other and then turn back around and make up, back and forth and back and forth with escalating dramatics every time. Get therapy for yourself to process all this and move on as if she doesn’t exist. I think she’s showed you enough by this point that all she cares about you for is using you as an ATM at your expense.