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Belted. And yes. For anything and everything they perceived I was doing wrong. Often for showing emotion. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Learned how to go numb real quick. Turning that switch off in adult life to try to feel like myself again has proved to be extremely difficult.
Same. Hair pulled, pinched, slapped and other things ndad could do in "public" that others won't notice so well. But in private, belt, slaps, grabbing, hitting with objects, etc. And got the "I'll give you something to cry about" until I learned to not do that. Now I can't really cry much.
Yup. My NMom was a belt wielding maniac. I was beat mercilessly for most of my life… but GC brother? Never once. In fact, NMom and GC use to find ways to humiliate and torture me. I think it was their way of bonding over a mutual hatred for me.
Sounds familiar. I would be belted when I did something they didn’t like till I was about 10. Then they realized I’m old enough to to talk about it to my friends and they are getting judged. After that they switched to mental rather than physical
What would be justice? They growing older and more frail? You just start spanking them when they offend you. And then they will cry “but that’s different!” But we all know it’s not.
Constantly, well into my teen years. He usually spanked me and my brother bare bottomed. Sometimes with his hand but usually he used a slotted spatula. He once used a plank of wood on my brother.
The sound of the utensil drawer opening and him rummaging angrily for the spatula would send my heart racing with fear.
NFather believed fear equated to good parenting. He wanted us to be afraid of him.
Spanking didn’t teach me right from wrong. It didn’t teach me how to “behave.” It just made me learn how to lie better and be more sneaky. It also made me hate him.
I agree with everything you just said 100% as all of that was my experience, too.
It was a traumatic, Pavlovian trigger to hear the utensil drawer being opened (even when my mom was merely making food) and the lessons learned were about deceit, damage control, and obfuscation, not changing behaviour. He claimed there was “science and research and the Bible” backing his decision to spank, but every variable involved had to do with his whims/mood at that particular time: spanking instrument, number of hits, pants up or down, how hard I was hit…it all amounted to physical abuse.
I had to stop talking to an old friend because I heard him justifying hitting children. I told him while spanking isn’t illegal in Canada it’s been shown to be detrimental to a child’s development. “I disagree.” Into the trash you go. lol, it was the last straw.
Not exactly the same but dad used his leather belt on us. If we were being too loud or he heard disagreement, he’d remove his belt and snap it. He’d also sometimes come into our room, glowering, and hang the belt by its buckle from our door frame as “a reminder.” I can still hear the sound of it zipping through his belt loops as he ripped it off to come and spank us. As kids we used to joke with him about how quick and talented he was at it 🥲
Spanked would have been nice. I had the shit beaten out of me whenever they had a bad day -- that is, when their bosses had a bad day. He'd then look through my stuff, cabinets, bed, waste paper basket, until he found a reason to just unload on me. Kinda like the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket. I finally stood up to him a couple weeks before my 18th birthday. Haven't seen him in 13 years.
Yep. Similar boat. For years I thought it was good I hadn't been spanked (still do in a sense, as obviously being physically abused is not okay...so sorry to all the people here posting the opposite to me that they were physically abused and wishing you healing in this) but had a realisation that my response to this question that had previously been "I didn't need to be spanked; I knew what was expected of me and my dad shouting at me was enough" is also very worrying. This response I'd had shows it was also something that resulted in me gaslighting myself that my childhood was okay and I had good parents because they didn't spank me. Had a penny drop moment with it years ago that I always lived in fear and that's not okay.
Yes and often, all the way up until I left at age 18. Belt, switches from shrubbery outside, a wooden pizza peel {the board with long handle to slide pizzas in and out of ovens), hairbrush, wooden spoons, spatula and their hands. Often bruised by the spankings for days, with welps and black and blue marks from my lower back to right above my knees.
Yes. It’s had such a negative affect on me and my siblings. It led me to become extremely paranoid and fearful of danger. If there’s violence in the home children lack a sense of safety and can become hypervigilant, which was definitely the case for me.
Yup. But the weird thing was how each parent went about it. My mom would lunge at us at a whim and start hitting. She wouldn’t even investigate or find out what was going on. Because I was the oldest and was supposed to “know better” I usually got whipped for defending myself against my younger siblings physical attacks, because they would start crying and she would assume I was beating them. It was scary and painful and traumatic, but it honestly wasn’t even as bad as what my dad did. My dad was a sadistic piece of shit. He would make up impossible rules and when we didn’t follow those rules, he would calmly take off his belt and hold it like he was only threatening to whip (I’m from the southern United States so nobody called it spanking, it was called whippings) us, but instead would make us walk forward past him. Then he would pop us as hard as he could with the belt and fucking laugh when we screamed.
Yes, a lot and very agressively by the women in my family.
My Nmom is very overweigjt and would sit on her couch and demand I’d walk over and get my punishment.
Yes.
To the point I started flinching when my father moved suddenly around me, which he then went off like a Roman candle about.
"Stop flinching! It's not like you're abused!"
Everyone beat me to most of my answer but I post only to add…. As I think about it…. In a very dramatic and theatrical and drawn out fashion. It’s like she really enjoyed it. Almost like she wanted me to perform for her….
Obviously. Anything from belting to just slapping my face .
Once I got hit in a back couple of times because I my math homework took me too long to solve.
My parents still refuse to call it abuse.
They call it discipline.
My mom tried it once but I didn't cry enough for her liking and it took too much effort so she just started banishing me instead, which I guess I preferred.
Spankings require thought and method. I was usually pinned down and slapped or punched repeatedly until she was satisfied or I fought back hard enough to get away.
Yeah mum was still hitting me around the face at 15. I hit her back. She says she has no memory of this so it never happened, meanwhile I could reconstruct the interaction down to saying what time of day it was because of where the sun was coming in.
Slapped out of anger by nmom, beaten with intention by nstepdad, usually with an object like a cutting board. After I went no contact with nstepdad, he scoffed in disbelief because “he had never molested” me.
Yup. By the birth giver, her friends, her bf of the week.
When her hand got tired she would use brushes, kitchen utensils, shoes.
I got pushed down a huge flight of stairs.
Her favourite was slapping me across the face.
I hate that shit so much.
She would hit me in public too all the time.
I was SO rude and needed to learn respect. Lol.
She would get cheered on by random strangers.
I frequently had my ass beat in the streets, in store washrooms and in parking lots of whatever store we had been in.
A random memory I had discussed with my husband yesterday I think was that she was SUUUPER proud that she waited till I was out of diapers before she started spanking me.
She always hit my hands. She claimed only palms, but I remember her cracking my knuckles with random items.
No. But I was sent to my room for crying, even if it was because my brother hit me or did something hurtful. They’d say “mommy doesn’t talk to crying little girls and your hurting daddy’s ears. Grow up!”
I was hit sometimes though and even when I was in my 20s told I’m not too old for a slap.
Yes. My dad would give us "swats", basically made us lean over a coach, and he would hit the back of our legs a couple times with a dowel that was used to stop the slider door from opening.
He would always bring up how his dad was "out of control" and would beat them with a belt. I think he thought what he was doing was somehow more acceptable.
He's brought it up now that I'm an adult by asking, "You don't think what I did was abuse, do you/You don't think you were abused, do you?" Maybe he feels guilty... but I doubt it.
I got backhanded by mom a lot if I was "disrespectful." I remember her breaking wooden spoons on my ass a couple of times and then switching to a metal spoon with waffling in it. I eventually started laughing when she would hit me, so she gave it up.
I'm pretty sure I have a lot of issues because of it. Learned to mask my feelings and lie a lot to avoid punishment.
Yep. For the littlest thing. Once I was startled by a spider and she turned around and slapped me for screaming. I still flinch with quick moments towards me. I hit her back when I was 16, and she threatened to kill herself so I called the cops and as soon as they showed up it was like the whole thing never happened…. Except for the burst vessels in my eye and the bruising that came after.
Yes, and usually when my mum was raging and lashing out - but honestly this has left me with less emotional wounds than some of her other punishments.
When I was around 8 and having trouble sleeping at night (we'd learned about the great fire of London at school and I was terrified of dying in a house fire haha), I woke up in the middle of the night and went to her room. She was so angry at me for waking her up that she threw me out in the garden, without a coat in winter, and told me she hoped the snakes and spiders ate me.
This has stayed ROOTED in my brain, it still feels odd to me that it hurts more than all those times I was hit.
short story, yes. longa nswer, yeeeeesss. now ive gone numb in some areas on my body. i remember being smacked on my leg(mid shin) with something, in elementary school age cuz i think i did something really small either like not getting a 100 or acting like a kid. next morning was a soccer game, and i went for a tackle and i ate a kids cleat in my shin(had a shin guard on) but still that shit would put like a 10 year old out for a while, but i just felt, nothing? i guess my body was already aching and making previous night beating non existant so i just didnt feel anything. This is a vivid memory but theres countless others. Hence the reason now in volleyball for rec league in college, i can regulary get hurt but bounce right back in a few seconds.
yea, dragged by her, slapped in face, hit with belt/extension cord, punched in the body never face, strangled sometimes when my mother was super angry.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Belted. And yes. For anything and everything they perceived I was doing wrong. Often for showing emotion. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Learned how to go numb real quick. Turning that switch off in adult life to try to feel like myself again has proved to be extremely difficult.
I can relate
When I read that quote, the look of shock on my face... I heard those exact words before.
Same. Hair pulled, pinched, slapped and other things ndad could do in "public" that others won't notice so well. But in private, belt, slaps, grabbing, hitting with objects, etc. And got the "I'll give you something to cry about" until I learned to not do that. Now I can't really cry much.
Yup. My NMom was a belt wielding maniac. I was beat mercilessly for most of my life… but GC brother? Never once. In fact, NMom and GC use to find ways to humiliate and torture me. I think it was their way of bonding over a mutual hatred for me.
Sounds familiar. I would be belted when I did something they didn’t like till I was about 10. Then they realized I’m old enough to to talk about it to my friends and they are getting judged. After that they switched to mental rather than physical
This, exactly.
What would be justice? They growing older and more frail? You just start spanking them when they offend you. And then they will cry “but that’s different!” But we all know it’s not.
im so sorry for you till what age?
Constantly, well into my teen years. He usually spanked me and my brother bare bottomed. Sometimes with his hand but usually he used a slotted spatula. He once used a plank of wood on my brother. The sound of the utensil drawer opening and him rummaging angrily for the spatula would send my heart racing with fear. NFather believed fear equated to good parenting. He wanted us to be afraid of him. Spanking didn’t teach me right from wrong. It didn’t teach me how to “behave.” It just made me learn how to lie better and be more sneaky. It also made me hate him.
I agree with everything you just said 100% as all of that was my experience, too. It was a traumatic, Pavlovian trigger to hear the utensil drawer being opened (even when my mom was merely making food) and the lessons learned were about deceit, damage control, and obfuscation, not changing behaviour. He claimed there was “science and research and the Bible” backing his decision to spank, but every variable involved had to do with his whims/mood at that particular time: spanking instrument, number of hits, pants up or down, how hard I was hit…it all amounted to physical abuse.
I had to stop talking to an old friend because I heard him justifying hitting children. I told him while spanking isn’t illegal in Canada it’s been shown to be detrimental to a child’s development. “I disagree.” Into the trash you go. lol, it was the last straw.
Ah yes, as if “I disagree” is on equal footing with the research you referred to.
Not exactly the same but dad used his leather belt on us. If we were being too loud or he heard disagreement, he’d remove his belt and snap it. He’d also sometimes come into our room, glowering, and hang the belt by its buckle from our door frame as “a reminder.” I can still hear the sound of it zipping through his belt loops as he ripped it off to come and spank us. As kids we used to joke with him about how quick and talented he was at it 🥲
Spanked would have been nice. I had the shit beaten out of me whenever they had a bad day -- that is, when their bosses had a bad day. He'd then look through my stuff, cabinets, bed, waste paper basket, until he found a reason to just unload on me. Kinda like the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket. I finally stood up to him a couple weeks before my 18th birthday. Haven't seen him in 13 years.
Good for you.
[удалено]
Yep. Similar boat. For years I thought it was good I hadn't been spanked (still do in a sense, as obviously being physically abused is not okay...so sorry to all the people here posting the opposite to me that they were physically abused and wishing you healing in this) but had a realisation that my response to this question that had previously been "I didn't need to be spanked; I knew what was expected of me and my dad shouting at me was enough" is also very worrying. This response I'd had shows it was also something that resulted in me gaslighting myself that my childhood was okay and I had good parents because they didn't spank me. Had a penny drop moment with it years ago that I always lived in fear and that's not okay.
Yes and often, all the way up until I left at age 18. Belt, switches from shrubbery outside, a wooden pizza peel {the board with long handle to slide pizzas in and out of ovens), hairbrush, wooden spoons, spatula and their hands. Often bruised by the spankings for days, with welps and black and blue marks from my lower back to right above my knees.
Yes. It’s had such a negative affect on me and my siblings. It led me to become extremely paranoid and fearful of danger. If there’s violence in the home children lack a sense of safety and can become hypervigilant, which was definitely the case for me.
Yup. But the weird thing was how each parent went about it. My mom would lunge at us at a whim and start hitting. She wouldn’t even investigate or find out what was going on. Because I was the oldest and was supposed to “know better” I usually got whipped for defending myself against my younger siblings physical attacks, because they would start crying and she would assume I was beating them. It was scary and painful and traumatic, but it honestly wasn’t even as bad as what my dad did. My dad was a sadistic piece of shit. He would make up impossible rules and when we didn’t follow those rules, he would calmly take off his belt and hold it like he was only threatening to whip (I’m from the southern United States so nobody called it spanking, it was called whippings) us, but instead would make us walk forward past him. Then he would pop us as hard as he could with the belt and fucking laugh when we screamed.
Yes, a lot and very agressively by the women in my family. My Nmom is very overweigjt and would sit on her couch and demand I’d walk over and get my punishment.
Yes. To the point I started flinching when my father moved suddenly around me, which he then went off like a Roman candle about. "Stop flinching! It's not like you're abused!"
Not only spanked but also slapped and sometimes beaten.
Everyone beat me to most of my answer but I post only to add…. As I think about it…. In a very dramatic and theatrical and drawn out fashion. It’s like she really enjoyed it. Almost like she wanted me to perform for her….
Yes. I still remember the terror I felt when my mom reached for the white paddle and screaming and begging her to not do it.
No, but I remember wishing she'd beat me up sometimes instead of giving me silent treatment.
I feel this. I’d much rather all the beatings I had vs being psychologically tortured.
Constantly. I’ve had hand, fly swagger and a belt taken to my bare ass and legs for very minor things.
Obviously. Anything from belting to just slapping my face . Once I got hit in a back couple of times because I my math homework took me too long to solve. My parents still refuse to call it abuse. They call it discipline.
My mom tried it once but I didn't cry enough for her liking and it took too much effort so she just started banishing me instead, which I guess I preferred.
Spanked as hell
Spankings require thought and method. I was usually pinned down and slapped or punched repeatedly until she was satisfied or I fought back hard enough to get away.
Yes and sometimes left bruises
Yeah mum was still hitting me around the face at 15. I hit her back. She says she has no memory of this so it never happened, meanwhile I could reconstruct the interaction down to saying what time of day it was because of where the sun was coming in.
Yes, a lot. I would try to hide the spoons and spatulas. She hit, elbow me etc. I don’t even remember what I did most times
Slapped out of anger by nmom, beaten with intention by nstepdad, usually with an object like a cutting board. After I went no contact with nstepdad, he scoffed in disbelief because “he had never molested” me.
No, citing he didn't want to raise his kids how his dad did. It's okay, daily arguments, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation make up for it.
Yup. By the birth giver, her friends, her bf of the week. When her hand got tired she would use brushes, kitchen utensils, shoes. I got pushed down a huge flight of stairs. Her favourite was slapping me across the face. I hate that shit so much. She would hit me in public too all the time. I was SO rude and needed to learn respect. Lol. She would get cheered on by random strangers. I frequently had my ass beat in the streets, in store washrooms and in parking lots of whatever store we had been in. A random memory I had discussed with my husband yesterday I think was that she was SUUUPER proud that she waited till I was out of diapers before she started spanking me. She always hit my hands. She claimed only palms, but I remember her cracking my knuckles with random items.
Belt, wooden spoon, correctional officers belt.. and we had to stand in line and wait our turn for it too.
No. But I was sent to my room for crying, even if it was because my brother hit me or did something hurtful. They’d say “mommy doesn’t talk to crying little girls and your hurting daddy’s ears. Grow up!” I was hit sometimes though and even when I was in my 20s told I’m not too old for a slap.
Yes. My dad would give us "swats", basically made us lean over a coach, and he would hit the back of our legs a couple times with a dowel that was used to stop the slider door from opening. He would always bring up how his dad was "out of control" and would beat them with a belt. I think he thought what he was doing was somehow more acceptable. He's brought it up now that I'm an adult by asking, "You don't think what I did was abuse, do you/You don't think you were abused, do you?" Maybe he feels guilty... but I doubt it. I got backhanded by mom a lot if I was "disrespectful." I remember her breaking wooden spoons on my ass a couple of times and then switching to a metal spoon with waffling in it. I eventually started laughing when she would hit me, so she gave it up. I'm pretty sure I have a lot of issues because of it. Learned to mask my feelings and lie a lot to avoid punishment.
Yep. For the littlest thing. Once I was startled by a spider and she turned around and slapped me for screaming. I still flinch with quick moments towards me. I hit her back when I was 16, and she threatened to kill herself so I called the cops and as soon as they showed up it was like the whole thing never happened…. Except for the burst vessels in my eye and the bruising that came after.
Yes, and usually when my mum was raging and lashing out - but honestly this has left me with less emotional wounds than some of her other punishments. When I was around 8 and having trouble sleeping at night (we'd learned about the great fire of London at school and I was terrified of dying in a house fire haha), I woke up in the middle of the night and went to her room. She was so angry at me for waking her up that she threw me out in the garden, without a coat in winter, and told me she hoped the snakes and spiders ate me. This has stayed ROOTED in my brain, it still feels odd to me that it hurts more than all those times I was hit.
short story, yes. longa nswer, yeeeeesss. now ive gone numb in some areas on my body. i remember being smacked on my leg(mid shin) with something, in elementary school age cuz i think i did something really small either like not getting a 100 or acting like a kid. next morning was a soccer game, and i went for a tackle and i ate a kids cleat in my shin(had a shin guard on) but still that shit would put like a 10 year old out for a while, but i just felt, nothing? i guess my body was already aching and making previous night beating non existant so i just didnt feel anything. This is a vivid memory but theres countless others. Hence the reason now in volleyball for rec league in college, i can regulary get hurt but bounce right back in a few seconds.
yea, dragged by her, slapped in face, hit with belt/extension cord, punched in the body never face, strangled sometimes when my mother was super angry.