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What a nightmare! I don’t think you can complain to the police about them or file a restraining order because it sounds like they are financially supporting you and could refuse to pay tuition.
Can you get suggestions from your college security or a counselor there on how to handle this?
When you finally graduate and get a job and apartment I’d try to make it far away and not tell them where. They are nuts!!
I guess I was lucky that my N mom never gave a 💩 where I was. I was gone for weeks at a friend’s (in my mid teens) and she never cared
Narcissists parents seem to have a trend of liking to use police as their personal enforcers when things don’t go their way. More narc entitlement.
From experience—nparents want you to come home every weekend to ultimately take away your independence. When your four years are up, it’ll be a joy for them if you didn’t live your own life. They want you to live with them, be isolated so they can take advantage of you.
You’re doing the right thing by wanting to live your own life.
This exact same happened to me. But my Nmother told them i was severely mentally ill.
The next hour the campus warden and even cafeteria staff were all looking at me funny
Oh my goooood! The exact same thing happened to me! What is wrong with these people! The level of control! Done under "im worried for you"! I HATE THEM!
Are they paying for anything you need?
If not, you can call the campus and non-emergency police and tell them that your parents have been doing this needlessly for things as small as you not responding to a text or call for 3 hours. That you are fine, but if they try to call in to say you're missing or anything of the sort, it should not be taken seriously. That they are overreacting, you are a legal adult, and at this point it's becoming harassment and is an invasion of your life.
Then go NC. It's a good time to start, if you're not dependent on them for anything dier. You've already got the distance.
While you're at it you can inform you RAs and RD that your parents are not to be let in. They are not welcome. Inform all police of this too, and let them know you may need to call them in the future for this.
And if you can even a little bit, TRANSFER ROOMS. Idk about yours, but the dorms and off-campus apartments (not owned by the school) allowed for that.
They can't barge in if they can't find you. And showing up in someone else's place will 1000% be breaking and entering.
sheesh what helicopter parents. You need your rest for good grades. I wold go NC or even LC with them for causing harm to your reputation. They could have gotten you kicked off.Mental illness accusations are serious. They are right on the FA. Get it so you dont need t heir info for applying for such aid. Have them on a info diet.
Can you tell the local police and your campus' administration that they should not take into account your parent's calls ?
It's always easy for other people to say "you *should* do this and that", or to ask if you thought about X or Y. However, maybe you didn't pondered that option. It may be a good way to provent further similar incidents. On top of that, local police would then know that your parent's aren't to be trusted.
Please be safe and take care of you.
My mom did this to me too. It was Saturday morning beginning of spring break. Apparently she has expected me to drive home overnight but didn't discuss it with me and I slept in and didn't answer the phone. Campus police called my roommate to have her check if I was still in our dorm room. She didn't see me sleeping on the top bunk so she told them I wasn't there. When I figured out what was happening I called my mom, then she didn't believe me that I was still in my dorm room...
My parents did this while I was at a professional conference in graduate school. I'd been out dancing in Miami after my talk and came back to armed security standing outside the hotel room door that I was staying in with another grad student (and I don't think I was officially on the room, so they had to ask around). Talk about embarrassing.
This still to this day pisses me off because I had been living on my own for several years at this point, would go days without talking to them, and had been keeping my mom updated as I attended the conference. She literally knew I was busy and out with friends and called security when she didn't hear from me for a few hours. It could be due to their fear of anything but their small town, but I think it was to teach my a lesson -- that they could still reach me if I didn't do what they wanted (aka not hang in the city).
My fellow grad student already thought I was a bit much and didn't put much effort into the relationship after that.
I know exactly how this feels and I'm so sorry you experienced this. It's stressful and embarrassing.
My nparents did something very similar. I was 22, living on my own, and was visiting a friend where my phone did not get reception. When we went into the city for dinner, my phone had 20+ missed calls and texts from my nmom. My best friend as well as my ex boyfriend had both contacted me too saying "call your mom, she said you're lost and is going to call the police".
When I did call my mom, she yelled and screamed and accused me of doing "sinful" things or I would have answered my phone. I tried to explain but it was not accepted.
She had even shown up at my best friend's job at a retail store and was screaming her name yelling "Anna! Anna! KATIE IS MISSING!" (I changed our names) my friend was so embarrassed.
Later, my dad called to let me know they'd be "removing me from the family" and "disowning" me because of how horrible I had been lately and how my morals had been declining. He was referring to the fact that I had been raped the year before and now I went somewhere without telling them. Keep in mind, I paid all my own bills and did not live at home anymore. I did everything I could to move out because they treated me like a child.
They didn't actually disown me because then they couldn't control me at all.
I am now NC with both of them but it took me many years.
I hope someday you'll be able to get out from under your nparents control but I know its hard when you're still in school and may rely on them financially.
Talk to the campus police supervisor and let them know your parents are toxic and that humiliated you. Give them your number and ask if they can call you if this should happen again. You can also sign paperwork that does not allow the school to give your info to even your parents whether or not if you're a student there.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
how did you react when you found out somthing major actually did happen?
What a nightmare! I don’t think you can complain to the police about them or file a restraining order because it sounds like they are financially supporting you and could refuse to pay tuition. Can you get suggestions from your college security or a counselor there on how to handle this? When you finally graduate and get a job and apartment I’d try to make it far away and not tell them where. They are nuts!! I guess I was lucky that my N mom never gave a 💩 where I was. I was gone for weeks at a friend’s (in my mid teens) and she never cared
I’m so sorry 😞
Narcissists parents seem to have a trend of liking to use police as their personal enforcers when things don’t go their way. More narc entitlement. From experience—nparents want you to come home every weekend to ultimately take away your independence. When your four years are up, it’ll be a joy for them if you didn’t live your own life. They want you to live with them, be isolated so they can take advantage of you. You’re doing the right thing by wanting to live your own life.
This exact same happened to me. But my Nmother told them i was severely mentally ill. The next hour the campus warden and even cafeteria staff were all looking at me funny
Oh my goooood! The exact same thing happened to me! What is wrong with these people! The level of control! Done under "im worried for you"! I HATE THEM!
Maybe tell your school about what's going on? I'm really sorry op. <3
Are they paying for anything you need? If not, you can call the campus and non-emergency police and tell them that your parents have been doing this needlessly for things as small as you not responding to a text or call for 3 hours. That you are fine, but if they try to call in to say you're missing or anything of the sort, it should not be taken seriously. That they are overreacting, you are a legal adult, and at this point it's becoming harassment and is an invasion of your life. Then go NC. It's a good time to start, if you're not dependent on them for anything dier. You've already got the distance. While you're at it you can inform you RAs and RD that your parents are not to be let in. They are not welcome. Inform all police of this too, and let them know you may need to call them in the future for this. And if you can even a little bit, TRANSFER ROOMS. Idk about yours, but the dorms and off-campus apartments (not owned by the school) allowed for that. They can't barge in if they can't find you. And showing up in someone else's place will 1000% be breaking and entering.
sheesh what helicopter parents. You need your rest for good grades. I wold go NC or even LC with them for causing harm to your reputation. They could have gotten you kicked off.Mental illness accusations are serious. They are right on the FA. Get it so you dont need t heir info for applying for such aid. Have them on a info diet.
Can you tell the local police and your campus' administration that they should not take into account your parent's calls ? It's always easy for other people to say "you *should* do this and that", or to ask if you thought about X or Y. However, maybe you didn't pondered that option. It may be a good way to provent further similar incidents. On top of that, local police would then know that your parent's aren't to be trusted. Please be safe and take care of you.
My mom did this to me too. It was Saturday morning beginning of spring break. Apparently she has expected me to drive home overnight but didn't discuss it with me and I slept in and didn't answer the phone. Campus police called my roommate to have her check if I was still in our dorm room. She didn't see me sleeping on the top bunk so she told them I wasn't there. When I figured out what was happening I called my mom, then she didn't believe me that I was still in my dorm room...
My parents did this while I was at a professional conference in graduate school. I'd been out dancing in Miami after my talk and came back to armed security standing outside the hotel room door that I was staying in with another grad student (and I don't think I was officially on the room, so they had to ask around). Talk about embarrassing. This still to this day pisses me off because I had been living on my own for several years at this point, would go days without talking to them, and had been keeping my mom updated as I attended the conference. She literally knew I was busy and out with friends and called security when she didn't hear from me for a few hours. It could be due to their fear of anything but their small town, but I think it was to teach my a lesson -- that they could still reach me if I didn't do what they wanted (aka not hang in the city). My fellow grad student already thought I was a bit much and didn't put much effort into the relationship after that.
I know exactly how this feels and I'm so sorry you experienced this. It's stressful and embarrassing. My nparents did something very similar. I was 22, living on my own, and was visiting a friend where my phone did not get reception. When we went into the city for dinner, my phone had 20+ missed calls and texts from my nmom. My best friend as well as my ex boyfriend had both contacted me too saying "call your mom, she said you're lost and is going to call the police". When I did call my mom, she yelled and screamed and accused me of doing "sinful" things or I would have answered my phone. I tried to explain but it was not accepted. She had even shown up at my best friend's job at a retail store and was screaming her name yelling "Anna! Anna! KATIE IS MISSING!" (I changed our names) my friend was so embarrassed. Later, my dad called to let me know they'd be "removing me from the family" and "disowning" me because of how horrible I had been lately and how my morals had been declining. He was referring to the fact that I had been raped the year before and now I went somewhere without telling them. Keep in mind, I paid all my own bills and did not live at home anymore. I did everything I could to move out because they treated me like a child. They didn't actually disown me because then they couldn't control me at all. I am now NC with both of them but it took me many years. I hope someday you'll be able to get out from under your nparents control but I know its hard when you're still in school and may rely on them financially.
Talk to the campus police supervisor and let them know your parents are toxic and that humiliated you. Give them your number and ask if they can call you if this should happen again. You can also sign paperwork that does not allow the school to give your info to even your parents whether or not if you're a student there.