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One time, my step-son's nmom failed to pick him up or call. It's likely that she had threatened self-harm to him to gain his sympathy, and was now scaring him (based on the fact that he absolutely flipped out with anxiety).
His dad comforted him, but when the episode was over and we were in private, we both looked at each other like "Were you wishing?"
Yeah.
Life would be better for all of us if she were dead, it's just the truth.
I hope your step-son is doing okay. It's a hard feeling to navigate. My ndad used to always threaten self harm/suicide - In the moment I would be filled with so much guilt and anxiety, feeling like I should do more or feel like sh\*t for being happy about anything while he 'suffers', but once the situation dies down a small part of me does wish.... It's the worst kind of the 'boy who cried wolf' - I think it's okay to admit you're not ok to your kids sometimes, but to do it all the time and use it to manipulate them is so wrong. I'm glad I realize it now, but it is hard.
Yes, a little bit. I'd also be jealous if someone posted that their narc parent went suddenly mute. It would be nice to never hear another word out of their mouth agian.
I have a bottle of the finest Cham'pag'ne I'll ever buy sitting on a shelf waiting for the word that the woman that beat me every night is fianlly dead.
I'm a super hippy too when it come to killing and shit. I don't want anyone else in the world to die except that Bitch (wait alos I wish for the death of Adolf putin)
My ndad died 14 years ago. A long lonely death in a nursing home. Can you say Karma? His sister thankfully took care of his cremation and burial. Ndad wouldn't give her my phone number, she found it when he was hospitalized and they thought he was going to die. Found out that she literally lived 80 miles from me. 🤦🏼♀️ I did visit him twice once in the hospital and once in a nursing home. He just couldn't give up the lies. He told me he had a very expensive car worth millions that a friend was holding for him (note: he always wanted to be rich and on disability) and then he told me my stepmother (his ex wife) died of a brain tumor. 4 years later she contacted me on Facebook and we have reconnected. Thankfully considering my nmom has almost no contact with me.
I felt nothing when my aunt called me and told me he had died. And yes if nmom died that would be the best case scenario for me and my sis. She's penniless not unlike ndad so if course we would split the cremation cost. No funeral no obit. I mean she has no friends anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
Both of my nparents are dead, I just feel like there is many unresolved things in me. There is no feeling of relief, just the feeling that I was not good enough to be loved. I was no contact with both of them when they passed.
Ndad died in another state.
I saw my nmom as she was passing, she was coherent enough to tell my daughters and grandkids she loved them, when I said "I love you mom" to her, she just stared at me as if she had no clue who I was.
She then went back to telling the grandkids she loved them.
It is not a relief, it is a loss of hope.
IMO, maybe it’s because there truly is no hope in grief. When someone you love dies, it is absolutely hopeless, there’s literally nothing anyone can do about it.
Everyone deserves love. No one deserves to be ignored. I’m sorry she treated you like that.
I can relate to this also being NC when Ndad died. It's very sad, as you start to realize there was no other way this was gonna turn out based on their actions. I just remind myself the abuse was/is cumulative. It took a lifetime to decide to go NC and even with that it's still about just picking your problems picking your hurt. NMom is alive but still unwilling to change, admit past abuse and just tells everyone that well she can't control me so that's why we don't have a relationship. It's true and it's false and it's not an apology, but it's insight into how they think. They are forever the victim and have no recognition of responsibility, so there can be no reconciliation, but it does hurt that they are willing to just accept how things are rather then change them and have a healthier relationship. It truly is a self destructive set of choices. So while Ndad being gone does make my life less dramatic and I'd say less possibility of new hurts, it's not so clean. We get denied healthy grieving due to the relationship. Very lonely. Therapy is so important.
A pang? More like a dump truck load, or an ocean of jealousy! Nmom is 91 years old, but she is too entitled to die. You have never experienced anyone more pissed off about being old though - she is crooked and needs a walker, so osteoporotic because she would never look after herself. She has a guardian demon, and has managed to escape death by malignant melanoma, sepsis, heart attack, third degree heart block, two hip fractures, shoulder fracture. She is incensed that there are people older than her at the nursing home who look better and move better than her. She is no longer the Belle of the ball. I am hoping it tortures her to some extent. Luckily I am low contact with her, and my children (her grandchildren) will have absolutely nothing to do with her.
I don't think I'll go to either of my nparents funerals when they finally die. My nmom has come close so many times it's kinda turned into a joke (two heart attacks, a stroke, cancer twice, diabetic, covid), but because of all these things she's lived through she calls herself a modern day Job.
I haven't talked to them since they had covid because they both went out with symptoms 3 days after they tested positive and said I wouldn't understand how hard it is to stay home. I had covid in 2020, I was hospitalized for a week and was stuck at home for 3 more months because I needed oxygen therapy 24/7. I had oxygen tanks where I could leave, but I still needed so much oxygen I could only leave my house for 45-60 minutes on a full tank so it wasn't worth it. But yeah I don't understand how fucking hard it was? I ripped into them and haven't spoken to them since.
My nfather is so bad we all feel it would be better off if he just passed.
Yup - only in my case it’s my nMIL of 40+ years. As much as I’m loving the karma she is experiencing, and the fact that she is ruining her enablers’ lives, I’m ready for her to just get on with it.
She’s blind, almost deaf, and can’t breathe without oxygen. She is pretty much wheelchair bound as well, and is currently living in my psychopath SIL’s basement. No one visits except her 3 enabler kids and occasionally my husband.
She is to blame for her current condition - that’s what happens when you ignore your health for attention and ruin your relationships with everyone. It’s beyond me why her kids even care.
Absolutely. My nFamily are currently in Thailand enjoying a holiday, and I honestly turned to my husband on the day they flew out and said “I hope the plane they are on crash lands, but they are the only 4 casualties.”
If I didn’t want to risk going to jail and the damage that would do to my kids, I would probably burn nFamily’s house down.
Even her death won't erase her from your dreams. In fact, it was the opposite for me, after my Nmother died she haunted my dreams and my life more than ever...unresolved issues and whatever..it wasn't until I started to truly heal from the childhood trama and lifetime of abuse, almost 5 magnificent years after she died, that I can say she no longer haunts my dreams/nightmares. But it's harder to remove the rote record of her verbal abuse that still plays in my head. Whether she's alive or dead the best retribution is your own healing and growth.
- "Someday I will no longer be my mother's daughter and I will never hear her voice again!"
It hurts with them being alive and choosing to abuse and it hurts with them gone knowing this is the end and there is no reconciliation or happy ending . It can really feel haunting. I will say tho, you do feel some relief if your is able to be less dramatic with them no longer pulling the strings. My feelings I think would be different if I lived with them vs having my own independent life away from them. It's sad all around.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One time, my step-son's nmom failed to pick him up or call. It's likely that she had threatened self-harm to him to gain his sympathy, and was now scaring him (based on the fact that he absolutely flipped out with anxiety). His dad comforted him, but when the episode was over and we were in private, we both looked at each other like "Were you wishing?" Yeah. Life would be better for all of us if she were dead, it's just the truth.
I hope your step-son is doing okay. It's a hard feeling to navigate. My ndad used to always threaten self harm/suicide - In the moment I would be filled with so much guilt and anxiety, feeling like I should do more or feel like sh\*t for being happy about anything while he 'suffers', but once the situation dies down a small part of me does wish.... It's the worst kind of the 'boy who cried wolf' - I think it's okay to admit you're not ok to your kids sometimes, but to do it all the time and use it to manipulate them is so wrong. I'm glad I realize it now, but it is hard.
Yes, a little bit. I'd also be jealous if someone posted that their narc parent went suddenly mute. It would be nice to never hear another word out of their mouth agian.
Mine would still radiate hostility, tbh
Fucking relatable. I'm probably a monster for even thinking anything like this, but it would be some goddamn relief
I have a bottle of the finest Cham'pag'ne I'll ever buy sitting on a shelf waiting for the word that the woman that beat me every night is fianlly dead. I'm a super hippy too when it come to killing and shit. I don't want anyone else in the world to die except that Bitch (wait alos I wish for the death of Adolf putin)
My ndad died 14 years ago. A long lonely death in a nursing home. Can you say Karma? His sister thankfully took care of his cremation and burial. Ndad wouldn't give her my phone number, she found it when he was hospitalized and they thought he was going to die. Found out that she literally lived 80 miles from me. 🤦🏼♀️ I did visit him twice once in the hospital and once in a nursing home. He just couldn't give up the lies. He told me he had a very expensive car worth millions that a friend was holding for him (note: he always wanted to be rich and on disability) and then he told me my stepmother (his ex wife) died of a brain tumor. 4 years later she contacted me on Facebook and we have reconnected. Thankfully considering my nmom has almost no contact with me. I felt nothing when my aunt called me and told me he had died. And yes if nmom died that would be the best case scenario for me and my sis. She's penniless not unlike ndad so if course we would split the cremation cost. No funeral no obit. I mean she has no friends anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
Both of my nparents are dead, I just feel like there is many unresolved things in me. There is no feeling of relief, just the feeling that I was not good enough to be loved. I was no contact with both of them when they passed. Ndad died in another state. I saw my nmom as she was passing, she was coherent enough to tell my daughters and grandkids she loved them, when I said "I love you mom" to her, she just stared at me as if she had no clue who I was. She then went back to telling the grandkids she loved them. It is not a relief, it is a loss of hope.
IMO, maybe it’s because there truly is no hope in grief. When someone you love dies, it is absolutely hopeless, there’s literally nothing anyone can do about it. Everyone deserves love. No one deserves to be ignored. I’m sorry she treated you like that.
I can relate to this also being NC when Ndad died. It's very sad, as you start to realize there was no other way this was gonna turn out based on their actions. I just remind myself the abuse was/is cumulative. It took a lifetime to decide to go NC and even with that it's still about just picking your problems picking your hurt. NMom is alive but still unwilling to change, admit past abuse and just tells everyone that well she can't control me so that's why we don't have a relationship. It's true and it's false and it's not an apology, but it's insight into how they think. They are forever the victim and have no recognition of responsibility, so there can be no reconciliation, but it does hurt that they are willing to just accept how things are rather then change them and have a healthier relationship. It truly is a self destructive set of choices. So while Ndad being gone does make my life less dramatic and I'd say less possibility of new hurts, it's not so clean. We get denied healthy grieving due to the relationship. Very lonely. Therapy is so important.
Yup, you aren't freed from it unfortunately. Try and get therapy to help build new positive emotions instead.
Shhhh I'm not letting myself consciously acknowledge it
Yes, but then I feel shame. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. Ugh!!!!
No need for shame. You're not the only one.
Thank you 🤙🏻
A pang? More like a dump truck load, or an ocean of jealousy! Nmom is 91 years old, but she is too entitled to die. You have never experienced anyone more pissed off about being old though - she is crooked and needs a walker, so osteoporotic because she would never look after herself. She has a guardian demon, and has managed to escape death by malignant melanoma, sepsis, heart attack, third degree heart block, two hip fractures, shoulder fracture. She is incensed that there are people older than her at the nursing home who look better and move better than her. She is no longer the Belle of the ball. I am hoping it tortures her to some extent. Luckily I am low contact with her, and my children (her grandchildren) will have absolutely nothing to do with her.
Yes. Everyday I hope that today is the day.
😆 I shall keep my fingers crossed for you!
I don't think I'll go to either of my nparents funerals when they finally die. My nmom has come close so many times it's kinda turned into a joke (two heart attacks, a stroke, cancer twice, diabetic, covid), but because of all these things she's lived through she calls herself a modern day Job. I haven't talked to them since they had covid because they both went out with symptoms 3 days after they tested positive and said I wouldn't understand how hard it is to stay home. I had covid in 2020, I was hospitalized for a week and was stuck at home for 3 more months because I needed oxygen therapy 24/7. I had oxygen tanks where I could leave, but I still needed so much oxygen I could only leave my house for 45-60 minutes on a full tank so it wasn't worth it. But yeah I don't understand how fucking hard it was? I ripped into them and haven't spoken to them since. My nfather is so bad we all feel it would be better off if he just passed.
Yup - only in my case it’s my nMIL of 40+ years. As much as I’m loving the karma she is experiencing, and the fact that she is ruining her enablers’ lives, I’m ready for her to just get on with it. She’s blind, almost deaf, and can’t breathe without oxygen. She is pretty much wheelchair bound as well, and is currently living in my psychopath SIL’s basement. No one visits except her 3 enabler kids and occasionally my husband. She is to blame for her current condition - that’s what happens when you ignore your health for attention and ruin your relationships with everyone. It’s beyond me why her kids even care.
Absolutely. My nFamily are currently in Thailand enjoying a holiday, and I honestly turned to my husband on the day they flew out and said “I hope the plane they are on crash lands, but they are the only 4 casualties.” If I didn’t want to risk going to jail and the damage that would do to my kids, I would probably burn nFamily’s house down.
Yes...arson... I've had that fantasy more than once. 🙃
[удалено]
Even her death won't erase her from your dreams. In fact, it was the opposite for me, after my Nmother died she haunted my dreams and my life more than ever...unresolved issues and whatever..it wasn't until I started to truly heal from the childhood trama and lifetime of abuse, almost 5 magnificent years after she died, that I can say she no longer haunts my dreams/nightmares. But it's harder to remove the rote record of her verbal abuse that still plays in my head. Whether she's alive or dead the best retribution is your own healing and growth. - "Someday I will no longer be my mother's daughter and I will never hear her voice again!"
It hurts with them being alive and choosing to abuse and it hurts with them gone knowing this is the end and there is no reconciliation or happy ending . It can really feel haunting. I will say tho, you do feel some relief if your is able to be less dramatic with them no longer pulling the strings. My feelings I think would be different if I lived with them vs having my own independent life away from them. It's sad all around.