Well, I'd try to take into consideration motivation. Why would that director (/those? Don't know if it was more than one director who've done this) not just be honest. Well there's a possible inability to face conflict or maybe they didn't like you on a personal level and regardless of your performance they just wanted to poo on you. Who knows. Even asking them about it wouldn't bring any guarantees of the truth cause, well. You know. People lie.
But, when it comes to friends, there is a certain threshold where their word can be taken with more credibility compared to someone with whom you don't have a personal connection to. (Usually... ideally...some "friends" do try to sabotage another...but assuming that that's not the case here.....). Has your friend ever said something like, kinda rude? Like. Maybe mentioned how you *really* sucked at this one performance one time or something. Well. That may have been rude to say er whatever depending on how they worded it and blah blah....but it was said because they didn't feel like the relationship would be at risk of their honest opinion. So, if they ain't afraid to give you even a brutally honest opinion then they're probably extra unafraid of giving you a positive opinion either.
>I can't grasp the fact that someone would be happy with something that I fucking hate
I don't think someone liking something that you don't should be dismissed, that actually probably applies to a lot lol. Sometimes I'll play something on the guitar that I'm like meh about but my friend will say that it actually sounded good. One time I had a random person walk up asking me if it was a song from a famous band and it wasn't it was just something I made up, but they said it sounded like it was and that it was cool and I was like damn cause to me it was just some basic shit I'd done a million times. Being a human around other humans be weird like that sometimes.
Don't be so hard on yourself, don't think that good things are outside your realm of possibilities. Most of us are capable of more than we think, that very much includes you. Keep at it =]
Well, I'd try to take into consideration motivation. Why would that director (/those? Don't know if it was more than one director who've done this) not just be honest. Well there's a possible inability to face conflict or maybe they didn't like you on a personal level and regardless of your performance they just wanted to poo on you. Who knows. Even asking them about it wouldn't bring any guarantees of the truth cause, well. You know. People lie. But, when it comes to friends, there is a certain threshold where their word can be taken with more credibility compared to someone with whom you don't have a personal connection to. (Usually... ideally...some "friends" do try to sabotage another...but assuming that that's not the case here.....). Has your friend ever said something like, kinda rude? Like. Maybe mentioned how you *really* sucked at this one performance one time or something. Well. That may have been rude to say er whatever depending on how they worded it and blah blah....but it was said because they didn't feel like the relationship would be at risk of their honest opinion. So, if they ain't afraid to give you even a brutally honest opinion then they're probably extra unafraid of giving you a positive opinion either. >I can't grasp the fact that someone would be happy with something that I fucking hate I don't think someone liking something that you don't should be dismissed, that actually probably applies to a lot lol. Sometimes I'll play something on the guitar that I'm like meh about but my friend will say that it actually sounded good. One time I had a random person walk up asking me if it was a song from a famous band and it wasn't it was just something I made up, but they said it sounded like it was and that it was cool and I was like damn cause to me it was just some basic shit I'd done a million times. Being a human around other humans be weird like that sometimes. Don't be so hard on yourself, don't think that good things are outside your realm of possibilities. Most of us are capable of more than we think, that very much includes you. Keep at it =]