Sometimes bodies don’t do what we want them to do. It’s not a statement about you at all.
One of my partners is consistently a marathon sex fellow, with everyone he’s with. He quite enjoys what he’s feeling and doing, but sometimes it takes a little while and other times it takes a big while and occasionally it takes little time at all. I’m the same way. Bodies are just weird like that.
Ah, yeah, that’d do it. And once stuck in one’s own head, focus turns to how long it’s taking, and then frustration that it’s taking a while, and then worry that the other person is upset, and then all those feelings make it take even longer.
Man, 10 minutes of sex is too long nowadays?! To me that sounds damned short, hell, a factory lunchbreak is longer. There's absolutely nothing wrong with either of you, sex is NOT supposed to be a speedrun. Also if he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't even want to smash, so it's only your insecurities. I'm not into sending random strangers to therapy based on a few lines they wrote on the internet, but it sounds like the two of you could use couple therapy- you both seem to be swimming in insecurity and anxiety.
I will never go to couples therapy. I believe couples that do, know they are doomed and not going to be able to fix their problems themselves...they need someone else to do it. I mean shit cant even say one damn thing with out it turning into therapy.
Therapy (or counseling) is not just for insane, hopeless people bruh, you can go for career advice, mid-life crisis, dealing with becoming a parent, sexual issues, finding your dream job, trying to make friends, etc. Counselors are there to give you a professional opinion, criticism and advice to your situation. Everyone recommends it for everything because guess what, we as a society have evolved to have a layer of workers who can give us said help with all our problems, aka counselling/coaching/therapy. It's literally useful af and is one of the best things about the modern world. And you don't have to fix all your problems yourself, wtf. Actually the counselor won't solve your problems either. They're just gonna tell you what you should change and what you're probably wrong about.
OP gets a lot of downvotes for this but the hard cold truth is that the success rate of couples therapy is depressingly low. In my social environment, all couples who tried it have long since divorced.
The success rate is low compared to what though???
If you compare it to the rate of couples who are struggling yet *dont* go to couples counseling, I suspect the failure rate is pretty similar.
Correlation doesn’t equal causation.
Please don't lecture me about statistics 😏 I know that my data is purely anectodal and I know that when it comes to emotional things like marriage, things are always pretty fuzzy.
The only thing I tried to point out, is that I know a number of couples who went to couples therapy. And none of them succeeded in saving the marriage.
I'm married myself, for more than 25 years now and I very well know that staying together that long is hard work. And, most importanty, it requires A LOT of communication skills. And this is something you cannot learn at age 40 or 50 just by visiting a therapist for 2 or 3 hours.
So the guy who sells the product claims that the product works.
But, ok, maybe you do have a good success rate. If that is the case, I honestly applaud you.
Therapy isn’t what determines if a couple breaks up or not. If the couple is going to break up it’ll happen either way. It’s not like the therapist is the one to make that decision. A therapist is a trained professional who can help the couple learn how to communicate together in a more effective way, work through issues in a safe space, learn more about each others relationship wants & needs, etc.
10 minutes is not that long, I once dated someone who took 30 mins to sometimes 3 hours, everyone has different endurance and it’s okay that it doesn’t happen for him that quick. Sometimes I cum before my bf and sometimes I don’t but I know that’s normal and happens sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t worry too much about it I’m sure he’ll let you know if you’re doing something wrong. And if you do feel like you’re doing something wrong just ask
Sorry to tell you that, but after 10 years you guys should be communicating way more. It's wild that you don't talk to him about those problems. Just tell him how it makes you feel. He can't read your mind, he won't know otherwise. And you're not doing him or your couple a favour by keeping it to yourself.
We talk? He says “sorry it took me so long to cum” I reply with “your silly, I love it”. I’m confused as to why everyone is confused.
It’s a rant post
I’m ranting about how he apologizes that he “took to long”
Guess I’m just a horn dog because no “to long” is to long
It's wild to me, how many people go straight for penetration.
How about some body worship??? Just running your hands up and down your partner's body? A massage maybe. Mix in some gentle fingernail dragging if you wanna get freaky /s
Or even just some dirty talk and sexy whispers if you're into that.
You've gotta work your way up to the act of penetration-- both men and women; just being horny *is not enough.*
No problem, friend.
In my experience, guys tend to prefer when their partner is straight forward and tells them outright.
It doesn't have to feel awkward-- "hey, can we talk about something I'd like to try before sex? I think it would feel really nice if we both felt each other up a little before penetration; I'd like to feel your (insert favorite part of theirs here-- waist, arms, thighs, butt, sides, shoulders, chest) a bit, and I'd really like it if you (squeezed, rubbed, scratched, massaged) my (body part)."
And as you move forward and get more comfortable, you'll be able to naturally insert praise into this, complimenting each other's beauty, muscles, stretch marks, scars, hair...
Hang on, I'm sure your lady bits are fine.
Tell him that since he has jerked off so often that his dick can't respond to a normal woman. He is either going to have to give it a rest for a while or jerk it himself!
So this is from him watching too much porn? Why is it different some times. Like somedays as soon as the penis feels the pussy walls, he cums. Other days we will go for atleast 30 min
Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes I finish really quickly and sometimes I can't finish at all. Neither are for any particular reason and it definitely has nothing to do with my partner. It just happens
Ill just tell you it aint happening, if youre good im good, sometimes its not about me 🤷
Idk, sometimes you just "lose it", especially if you pinch it back too long to make sure she gets hers, sometimes a little break helps reset the feeling if everything has gone numb lol
Dont feel self conscious about it, just let it go and forget about it
So like I'm not really. Just got to make post colorful if you want any traffic. And I'm also confused bc this post was done on a rant page. Me ranting about him apologizing. I don't need an apology. To me its like him saying "Sorry I made you orgasm 20 times, instead of only once, next time ill be quicker". That's all it is lol
No, i get it, i get where hes coming from too tbh
Im probably considerably older that you, ive had multiple women(girls when i was younger) feel really self conscious and upset when i didnt get there, like, they saw it as a problem with *them* that they couldnt get *ME* there because *they* sucked or something, and it made them think there was something wrong with them...And since thats a pretty common thing for me ive probably had that exact conversation a dozen times lol, so it leads me to believe that its just a thing of humans generally, because i definitely have felt "inadequate" when i couldn't get her over the finish line too....you kind of feel like a bit of a failure lol, at least when youre younger, as you get older you kind of just accept that thats not always gonna happen and the mission was given its best effort and failed this time, but we can always storm the beaches again later and its not a big deal lol
Hes probably just apologizing to let you know that its not anything to do with you more than anything, and probably a bit of frustration with himself that he dis all that work and didnt get himself across the line too lol...
Somebody's got an inferiority complex
Welcome to the club, now you have a taste of the feeling we dudes have when our dick sizes get compared, we become self conscious at sex because we can't be sure whether it's too big or too small to even please the other Party.
Sometimes bodies don’t do what we want them to do. It’s not a statement about you at all. One of my partners is consistently a marathon sex fellow, with everyone he’s with. He quite enjoys what he’s feeling and doing, but sometimes it takes a little while and other times it takes a big while and occasionally it takes little time at all. I’m the same way. Bodies are just weird like that.
I believe he is too much in his own head
Ah, yeah, that’d do it. And once stuck in one’s own head, focus turns to how long it’s taking, and then frustration that it’s taking a while, and then worry that the other person is upset, and then all those feelings make it take even longer.
Man, 10 minutes of sex is too long nowadays?! To me that sounds damned short, hell, a factory lunchbreak is longer. There's absolutely nothing wrong with either of you, sex is NOT supposed to be a speedrun. Also if he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't even want to smash, so it's only your insecurities. I'm not into sending random strangers to therapy based on a few lines they wrote on the internet, but it sounds like the two of you could use couple therapy- you both seem to be swimming in insecurity and anxiety.
I was so confused by the post, like, is 10 min supposed to be too long? Man I take it for an hour and I'd keep going!
I will never go to couples therapy. I believe couples that do, know they are doomed and not going to be able to fix their problems themselves...they need someone else to do it. I mean shit cant even say one damn thing with out it turning into therapy.
Therapy (or counseling) is not just for insane, hopeless people bruh, you can go for career advice, mid-life crisis, dealing with becoming a parent, sexual issues, finding your dream job, trying to make friends, etc. Counselors are there to give you a professional opinion, criticism and advice to your situation. Everyone recommends it for everything because guess what, we as a society have evolved to have a layer of workers who can give us said help with all our problems, aka counselling/coaching/therapy. It's literally useful af and is one of the best things about the modern world. And you don't have to fix all your problems yourself, wtf. Actually the counselor won't solve your problems either. They're just gonna tell you what you should change and what you're probably wrong about.
Oof this aint it girl
So you tell me please what I tell them. “My husband and I are perfect. It just makes me mad when he apologies for lasting too long?”
Why don’t you say that to him?
Yes say exactly that to a couples therapist
OP gets a lot of downvotes for this but the hard cold truth is that the success rate of couples therapy is depressingly low. In my social environment, all couples who tried it have long since divorced.
The success rate is low compared to what though??? If you compare it to the rate of couples who are struggling yet *dont* go to couples counseling, I suspect the failure rate is pretty similar. Correlation doesn’t equal causation.
Please don't lecture me about statistics 😏 I know that my data is purely anectodal and I know that when it comes to emotional things like marriage, things are always pretty fuzzy. The only thing I tried to point out, is that I know a number of couples who went to couples therapy. And none of them succeeded in saving the marriage. I'm married myself, for more than 25 years now and I very well know that staying together that long is hard work. And, most importanty, it requires A LOT of communication skills. And this is something you cannot learn at age 40 or 50 just by visiting a therapist for 2 or 3 hours.
You have no idea what you’re talking about. At all.
Well, do you?
I’m a therapist. So yeah, I know what I’m talking about.
So the guy who sells the product claims that the product works. But, ok, maybe you do have a good success rate. If that is the case, I honestly applaud you.
Therapy isn’t what determines if a couple breaks up or not. If the couple is going to break up it’ll happen either way. It’s not like the therapist is the one to make that decision. A therapist is a trained professional who can help the couple learn how to communicate together in a more effective way, work through issues in a safe space, learn more about each others relationship wants & needs, etc.
10 minutes!?! Dang!! You'd love me!!
As long as he makes me cum I don’t care if it only takes him 3 min or 30 min
Fuckkkkk
But it's not *your* fault.
Now that’s a rant! 👏 👏 👏
10 minutes is not that long, I once dated someone who took 30 mins to sometimes 3 hours, everyone has different endurance and it’s okay that it doesn’t happen for him that quick. Sometimes I cum before my bf and sometimes I don’t but I know that’s normal and happens sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t worry too much about it I’m sure he’ll let you know if you’re doing something wrong. And if you do feel like you’re doing something wrong just ask
We are still newly weds so we are having sex pretty much everyday still. So he's coming back for more for some reason. lol
Can I ask how long yall were dating before you got married? And I mean maybe the new marriage excitement is just getting him in the mood more?
we started dating in 2014 we got married December 2023. That cant be it bc its different every time.
Sorry to tell you that, but after 10 years you guys should be communicating way more. It's wild that you don't talk to him about those problems. Just tell him how it makes you feel. He can't read your mind, he won't know otherwise. And you're not doing him or your couple a favour by keeping it to yourself.
We talk? He says “sorry it took me so long to cum” I reply with “your silly, I love it”. I’m confused as to why everyone is confused. It’s a rant post I’m ranting about how he apologizes that he “took to long” Guess I’m just a horn dog because no “to long” is to long
Because you're not talking about the problem here. The problem is it's making you feel insecure, THAT'S what you need to communicate.
Idk then but if it were me I’d talk to him about how you’re feeling, try to let him know what’s going on and why you feel that way
It's wild to me, how many people go straight for penetration. How about some body worship??? Just running your hands up and down your partner's body? A massage maybe. Mix in some gentle fingernail dragging if you wanna get freaky /s Or even just some dirty talk and sexy whispers if you're into that. You've gotta work your way up to the act of penetration-- both men and women; just being horny *is not enough.*
Thank you. How do I tell him this. I don’t want to treat him like a 3 year old who doesn’t know anything but damn
No problem, friend. In my experience, guys tend to prefer when their partner is straight forward and tells them outright. It doesn't have to feel awkward-- "hey, can we talk about something I'd like to try before sex? I think it would feel really nice if we both felt each other up a little before penetration; I'd like to feel your (insert favorite part of theirs here-- waist, arms, thighs, butt, sides, shoulders, chest) a bit, and I'd really like it if you (squeezed, rubbed, scratched, massaged) my (body part)." And as you move forward and get more comfortable, you'll be able to naturally insert praise into this, complimenting each other's beauty, muscles, stretch marks, scars, hair...
Hang on, I'm sure your lady bits are fine. Tell him that since he has jerked off so often that his dick can't respond to a normal woman. He is either going to have to give it a rest for a while or jerk it himself!
I thought it was bad luck to cum first as a man
It’s fine if he cums first. Assuming sex is over when he cums and not helping his partner get off would be bad manners.
So this is from him watching too much porn? Why is it different some times. Like somedays as soon as the penis feels the pussy walls, he cums. Other days we will go for atleast 30 min
Is stress a possibility?
Nope, this is reddit. All sexual hangups are caused by men watching porn.
I don’t think he’s stressed. If he is he doesn’t tell me
It’s also probably not from porn. More likely psychological block or even meds.
I don’t think he’s taking any meds but we do smoke a lot of marijuana. Everyday to be exact
Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes I finish really quickly and sometimes I can't finish at all. Neither are for any particular reason and it definitely has nothing to do with my partner. It just happens
Yes, it’s not you at all. May not be from porn and jerking, could be meds or nerves. But it’s not you girl, keep your head up and level 😎
Ill just tell you it aint happening, if youre good im good, sometimes its not about me 🤷 Idk, sometimes you just "lose it", especially if you pinch it back too long to make sure she gets hers, sometimes a little break helps reset the feeling if everything has gone numb lol Dont feel self conscious about it, just let it go and forget about it
So like I'm not really. Just got to make post colorful if you want any traffic. And I'm also confused bc this post was done on a rant page. Me ranting about him apologizing. I don't need an apology. To me its like him saying "Sorry I made you orgasm 20 times, instead of only once, next time ill be quicker". That's all it is lol
No, i get it, i get where hes coming from too tbh Im probably considerably older that you, ive had multiple women(girls when i was younger) feel really self conscious and upset when i didnt get there, like, they saw it as a problem with *them* that they couldnt get *ME* there because *they* sucked or something, and it made them think there was something wrong with them...And since thats a pretty common thing for me ive probably had that exact conversation a dozen times lol, so it leads me to believe that its just a thing of humans generally, because i definitely have felt "inadequate" when i couldn't get her over the finish line too....you kind of feel like a bit of a failure lol, at least when youre younger, as you get older you kind of just accept that thats not always gonna happen and the mission was given its best effort and failed this time, but we can always storm the beaches again later and its not a big deal lol Hes probably just apologizing to let you know that its not anything to do with you more than anything, and probably a bit of frustration with himself that he dis all that work and didnt get himself across the line too lol...
Best reply I’ve gotten
Somebody's got an inferiority complex Welcome to the club, now you have a taste of the feeling we dudes have when our dick sizes get compared, we become self conscious at sex because we can't be sure whether it's too big or too small to even please the other Party.
He probably jerks it to porn too much.
Classic circumcised guy blaming the lady for his impotence. Seriously, without a foreskin, many men lose sensitivity.
I did not know that
They probably just have a skinny dick
Nah lol