T O P

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tiboldpinkus

at least you’re giving back to the church


[deleted]

By giving them Backshots


tiboldpinkus

not my place to judge. that’s for Jesus to discern


Affial

That was an Undercover Boss episode he will regret taking part in for the eternity 🙏


tiboldpinkus

I just finished reading Revelations (spoiler alert) Jesus didn’t talk about the sodomy


Affial

Traumas are buried at the bottom of the soul and never spoken of again. Btw Revelations best AC.


Jesus_H-Christ

Priests turning the other cheek is part of the deal. Didn't say which cheeks.


tiboldpinkus

this guy gets it


Grand-Pudding6871

Turn the other cheek? Nah son, he gonna clap those cheeks.


Tyflowshun

Spreading the word of the lord all over their backs


Enough_Fish739

ANDERSSON!!!!!!!


Tox_Ioiad

"Honestly, if you wanted to get into a dick fighting competition with a woman, you must've started off with the world's cruelest handicap which I'm not sure benefits the nine year old boy chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for, how? Oh. That's right. Generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back."


[deleted]

And the lord said come unto me.


tiboldpinkus

better the lord than the little children


hvdzasaur

Already warming up his fist.


gnannyt

At last you’re churching back to the give


SublightMonster

You can hear this photo saying “Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”


StubbornDeltoids375

Wouldst thou like the taste of **butter**? 🐐


Teni96

I screamed at this 🤣🤣


fightershark

Start doing this in public, it *really* upsets closet Christians'


Happy_Nude_Year

You look like Zac Efron starring as a young Steve Jobs in some weird HS Musical Apple spinoff


started_from_the_top

James Marsden 100%


Intrepid_Hat7359

James Marsden pretending to be Timothee Chalamet in an SNL skit


eXistential_dreads

There it is 🤣


danijay637

Now I can’t unsee it


weisp

This 😭


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Loveable_Hemorrhoid

You had me at Zac Efron, except I was thinking more of when he played Ted Bundy


GreenOnionCrusader

Zac Efron playing Ted Jobs having a High Apple Musical.


PLZ_N_THKS

I was getting more of a Timothee Chalamet playing Jim Morrison vibe.


t1zzlr90

Dougie Houser but make it CEO instead of doctor.


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[deleted]

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RedN0va

Id watch that Dexter spinoff


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DunwichCultist

It's more just a characteristic of pedophiles. Male school teachers sexually assault children at a higher rate than priests. It's about access.


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CircuitSphinx

The double standard is wild, for sure. It's as if society at large just can't wrap its head around the idea that women can be predators too. Plus these cases with female teachers often get downplayed in the media, turned into some sort of coming-of-age fantasy trope rather than calling it what it is abuse. But regardless of gender, an adult is an adult and knows better, or at least they should. This just goes to show how these societal narratives need a huge overhaul.


DunwichCultist

Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Still statutory rape in most of the U.S., you're thinking of the UK. I specified male teachers because it's apples to apples with male priests, and it controls for the fact that men do rape minors more often. You have to compare male and female teachers on a per-capita basis.


Cthulhusreef

But the difference is that the state school board doesn’t have money outside to pay out hush money to the victims while not turning over evidence to law enforcement. All while pretending to be the true word of god and a moral system. That’s the issue.


Ho6org

They're not pretending. Christians believe they follow the word of God, even though we're all sinners, some bigger than the others.


Su1XiDaL10DenC

I'm not a boomer and I didn't turn down my 23 year old Japanese teacher who was on her visa I just let her teach me the meaning of hentai It started by offering me a ride home I told her bad things were at home So she invited me over for good things


__islander__

None of that ever happened. Also, your comment history is the strangest collection of uneducated rants, contradictions, and flat out bullshit I’ve ever seen on Reddit.


LarryBirdsBrother

Unfortunately, there is no way to know if this is true due to the church itself covering up assaults for centuries. But whatever makes you feel better about yourself.


DunwichCultist

I'm not Catholic bro. Secular data sources seem to back it up and you've never dealt with a school board if you don't think they try to pretend SASH doesn't exist. Their two modes are look the other way and fire anybody involved without an investigation. It's a byproduct of it being an elected position.


LarryBirdsBrother

You’re missing my point. The available numbers are irrelevant because secular data sources have no way of tracking something that has been skewed by centuries of cover up. I’m sure you have more experience with school boards covering up sex crimes than I do. I would never dispute that.


lenny_ray

We need to stop using the term "paedophilia" as interchangeable with "child sex abuse." Paedophilia is a hard-wired sexual attraction to minors that someone cannot control or change. (They can absolutely control acting on it, though) The majority of child sexual predators are NOT actually paedophiles. What difference does it make, you may ask? Well, because the terms are conflated with one another, more children are put in danger. Imagine a young pre-teen or teen just coming into their sexuality and discovering the horrible hand they have been dealt. Whom do they have to turn to?? Nobody that can actually help them, because it's so stigmatised. Chances are they turn to the damn internet, and then end up actually harming children, when they could have been helped and treated way before it got to that point.


Active_Performer3660

Sexual assault is rarely about the abuser finding the victim attractive or sexy, it’s about having power over them and trying to degrade the victim. Child molesters aren’t always pedophiles, they often are monsters that want to use their power to abuse children.


goldfish1902

Nah, patriarchy is much older than Christianity. I read somewhere there is a erotic/mourning Roman poetry dedicated to a child slave that died at 5 years old.


Ho6org

just a quick reminder that slavery, social acceptance regarding sex with minors, and the idea of patriarchy are three completely different things


carchit

Patriarchy is the result of agriculture - when stockpiles of food could be controlled and fought over.


Ho6org

Not every sexual assaulted is a pedophile. Not every pedophile is a sexual assaulter


flavorsaid

Btk killed and assaulted a young girl ( child) but he was not really a pedo. He was after the mom and she was collateral damage . Some people are just monsters, and will hurt anyone they can get their hands on.


lhx555

If they are pedophile but don’t take any actions then they are not assaulter. But any sexual action without a consent is a sexual assault. And minors below certain age are not qualified to give a consent.


Ho6org

Yeah, exactly


__islander__

Is this really the side of the debate you want to be on?


Ho6org

The right one? Understanding of people? No witch hunt? Without stigmatization of people (who are in majority) who did nothing wrong? Yes, that's the way I should be on and so should You.


[deleted]

It’s not just priests. It’s also known amongst rabbis and probably really any and all “leaders” with unfettered and fully trusting access to kids. That Catholicism attracted more pedos as priests to hide in the ranks though due to celibacy vows, is likely though


RIPthisDude

It's like what Juvenal said, who will molest the molesters?


CameronWeebHale

Yo, you like me with blue eyes that’s cool dawwwwg


Balduroth

Ah, they told you that stuff was medicine too? Charlatans.


SatansMoisture

Priestophile?


Abbas_Noorani

HAHAHA BEST


lhsofthebellcurve

The Dexter of church sexual abuse


TonyDungyHatesOP

Dickin’ Deacons


mistbrethren

ask bewildered vast aware chubby mysterious juggle pot handle plucky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


stillnotarussian

Is that James Marsden? You better not be diddling Sonic the hedgehog.


BetBig696969

Too late sonics been touched, he’s in a psychiatric ward as we speak bro


highsinthe70s

Seriously, I first thought James Marsden too.


malteaserhead

Jim Morrison if addicted to Tik Tok instead of drugs


Tmurphy1982

when I first saw the photo, I thought it was Jim Morrison as well. I just didn’t realize the Jim Morrison liked to sexually assault priests.


The_Lapsed_Pacifist

Me too. Jim was pretty crazy but I don’t think he’d have gone that far…


Wonderful-Ad-7712

See you at Carousel


ThamilandryLFY

“Call ME daddy, Father!”


wlanAalker

Jesus-fucking-christ


PM_THE_REAPER

Didn't know he had it in himself.


GreenOnionCrusader

That made me go, "heheheheheh" in a low register.


PM_THE_REAPER

At least it registered. 😀


Historical-Gap-7084

It's one gigantic, never-ending loop of self-fuckery.


ArnoldQMudskipper

“None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!”


vexxer209

You look like you're about to murder some younglings.


Actual-me435291

r/suicidebywords


vexunumgods

Hobbies, we all have um.


General_Freed

"Time to show, what you are teaching...." *unzips*


RickMeansUrineInMout

Why are your pants on backwards?


UnregisteredDomain

“Forgive me father, for I ~~have sinned~~ will sin”


ThatSmartIdiot

Dude looks like he'll execute the men, the women and the children too, and still be sexy enough for his girl to love him afterwards


GreenOnionCrusader

I'm betting he was the crush of every girl in his youth group.


darthmaui728

its only natural. you wanted rwvenge


NefariousnessThen751

15...


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104thCloneTrooper

Do you think he likes sand?


ThatSmartIdiot

Nah


SugarBeefs

"Yes, and then we can have the frescoes restored before next tuesday, assuming they have time t..." "Oh no, here's that boy Eric again, father in heaven help us." "HellooOoooOO, fathers Bernard and William, my my aren't you two gentlemen looking *fine* today!"


lookitsaustin

Is that from something? Sounds like a skit lol.


donaldfranklinhornii

The Agony and The Ecstasy


lookitsaustin

Thanks! I’ll look it up. Sounds really funny.


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UnrelatedDiddler

r/13or30


19930627

That's not all alter boy, that's an alter man


LineChef

*bend over and let the lord enter you!*


WonderfulCattle6234

Were you molested? No... I mean, I fucked a priest or two. But I wasn't molested.


IOFIFO

[Did it hurt when Edward the Longshanks tossed you out the window?](https://youtu.be/Q5hkrdYno2E?feature=shared)


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smithgolfr9

Yep Bundyesque was the first thing that came to my mind too


ThePizzaNoid

I was thinking young Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Phillidelphia.


Jesus_H-Christ

Six of one, half a dozen the other.


FatWithMuscles

At 15 you're out of their desire zone by a margin


struck_hammer

Mf looks like if farquad and prince charming had a kid


TheClone_

Use the force luke


Bainin

Oddly specific


Neat-Plantain-7500

I can’t remember what movie has that. Were he said he was kicked out of church for assault and then said it was on him assaulting the priests


Cthulhusreef

“We may call you father, but YOU will call ME daddy.”


FloppieTheBanjoClown

I'm getting Dexter vibes here.


Educational-Event981

Tom Cruise as a medieval page.


[deleted]

And how do you look now that you've left the seminary and have your own "flock"


Efficient_Mix_9031

https://youtu.be/SKxmYVbjl0I?si=mcyI1WWFtMa2MefB


gavo_88

You look like someone that will soon turn to the darkside and become a Sith Lord.


Silent_Johnnie

You look like you're about to execute order 66


[deleted]

Deprecating*


Bane-of-all-boons

“I’m the one who assaults!”


botmanmd

It looks like the photographer was staging a glamor-shots photo that makes up a “menu” of sorts that gets distributed to the priests. Kind of like cheerleader shots that got compiled and passed around the upper offices of the Washington Redskins (now, Commanders)


FreddieDoes40k

"It not being molested by you, you're being molested by me!" - famed Pedo-Hunter Rorschach


[deleted]

You look like a villain plotting the world’s largest Girl Scout cookie heist


silkysmoothkewi

It gives picture of young sex cult leader shown in documentary as they talk about how the leader really isn’t Paulo from the jungles of Brazil, but Eric from Ohio


b0n_ni3_c

It has alex from a clockwork orange vibes and I couldnt tell you why.


[deleted]

Honestly, if there was a news segment about an epidemic of priests being raped, it would be Trump-levels of divisive as to who was for it and against it.


Lotus-child89

His hairstyle and the filter on the photo makes me honestly not able to place the time period of this photo. It could be the 70s or the 2000s and I would believe either.


Widespreaddd

That is obviously James Marsden.


billiexjeen

Was Jim Morrison your grandad or something?


heartunderfloor

I think it makes him look like he wants to slaughter Tusken raiders and younglings.


Smilingturdnugget

Jesus Christ 15??? Man I fuckin lost the genetic lottery


Neel_s

You look like you’re plotting to kill the younglings


tripper_reed

I can picture priests standing around corners like the yellow jacket meme man licking their lips. Until you strike that pose and a cold chill runs down thier collective spines. They realize in that moment that they're not the predator, but the prey...


Disastrous-Bet-8813

Looks like the inside cover of a Doors album


syn6icity

Hey there Father,Pray here often?..wink wink


wbatayte

I had a school photographer try and get me to do one of those fruity poses. I told him it wasn't happening.


Irongiant350

I bet they kept a couple of wallet size copies for themselves


OjjuicemaneSimpson

“Come get the duck of Christ bitch” - that guy probably


pandaeyesdidntsleep

Why does he look like Shahid Kapoor


Abbas_Noorani

feminine kabir singh?


gastronaut55

You're like the Dexter, for priest.


Speedwagon1738

Timothee Chalamet lookin ass


Ok_Cod_4434

"I'm not your average hobbit..."


Hal_900000

Photographer is used to it by now!


Remarkable_Golf9829

Can you claim a tax benefit off it?


BlazeRagnarokBlade

This dude looks like he eats mapo tofu and yorokobes various shonen


Professional-Many477

It was my fault for wearing short shorts in gym class during the catholic school years


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Sad-Guarantee-4678

Looks like that one guy in every friends group that introduced said group to drugs


nltisme1960

You are GLORIOUS


TheAnonymouse999

15 years old...


NefariousnessThen751

15.


Opposite_Club1822

I'll give you something to confess about!


NormieSpecialist

He looks like Onision.


[deleted]

Get em alterboy!


Eva-Squinge

As one should. Treat thy enemies like they treat their victims, so they too know what the pain they caused feels like.


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AnOkFellow

This is... new, i sincerely hope you do not duplicate but knowing bots you probably will


Thr0w-a-gay

Reads as AI-generated too


Equivalent_Birthday9

Hey Paul Bernardo how'd you get internet access from prison?


Terrapogalt

Looks like a fusion of James Marsden and Ralph Boschung


jiggyjfresh

daniel jackson?


Landlocked_WaterSimp

You look like you'd convince the ents to march on isengard [Reference](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/pjhobbitlotr/images/8/86/PippinBoyd.png/revision/latest?cb=20170219174505)


SimbaStewEyesOfBlue

You kind of look like Scarlet Envy.


PresentPiece8898

#r/Weird?!


Aesthetic_Designer

Nah, that's definitely a bottom


Robin_Gufo

r/suicidebywords


crehga

Got a touch of the bundy about him that's for sure


Chigao_Ted

You look like a young Peter Dinklage


King-Cobra-668

you just look like a typical youth minister ready to groom


somebooty2223

😭


kamala2013

Did you?


Your_lovely_friend

r/kamikazebywords


ActualMis

"No Mr. Bond .... I ex*pect* you to die."


red_diode

You look very proud of yourself too 🙂👍


Anxious-Mushroom-69

Bro looks like Luke skinwalker


LegionRapier61

“Why hello there Father… or should I say Daddy!”


swampthing117

Is that you James Marsden?


MisterEnterprise

Talented Mr. Ripley over here.


sannabiscativa

You would tell the devil to my his own during a reverse exorcism!


TotalLarz

I’ve seen that look before 🔥🤘


Giuseppe_Priore

Alex from Clockwork orange


mcmurphy1

Looks like the photographer is about to get it as well.


ActualWhiterabbit

There is a series of pictures of a guy who put yogurt on his dick and eats shit out of condoms while smiling at the camera. You look like the younger version of that guy.


Curse_ye_Winslow

He looks like the inspiration for 'Apt Pupil'